Several Years Ago...
North Dakota POV
I stretched, groaning as I felt the tug on my newlybarely healed wound. I just needed to keep it together until the mission was over. It didn't matter how long I was out of commission for then, because she'd be home. I couldn't believe I'd been so stupid, letting her go in alone like that. I should have found another way. We could have radioed York, had him walk us through the lock. Gone in from a different door. Blasted a hole through the side of the base, it didn't matter, so long as I didn't leave her. I asked for her to be added to that mission, I thought I was helping her. It was her first damn mission on the team.
"Hey," I turned at the sound of my sister's voice. We were the only ones left in the locker room now.
"Hey yourself, stranger," I replied. "I haven't seen you in days."
"I've been training," she told me. "You should be resting right now."
"I'm about to go on a mission South," I shook my head.
"You're not fully recovered, you should be resting. You should still be in that infirmary," she scolded. "Instead you're going out there, risking your life and for what, some armour?"
"I'm going out there and risking my life for someone who saved mine," I said back angrily. This was about more than what the Director wanted.
"If she hadn't have gotten discovered, she wouldn't have had to," South argued. "This is exactly why the Director hadn't put her on any missions yet, she's too green. And you interfered with that, and then she went and got herself captured. And you shouldn't be risking your life to bring back some liability."
"I know that!" I yelled. "Don't you think I know this is all my fault, that if I hadn't have pushed for her she wouldn't be there, if I hadn't sent her in alone she wouldn't be there, if I had've paid more attention she wouldn't have had to leap in front of a head shot. But she's not a liability, these were all my calls. I'm the fucking liability, and I need to make up for that."
"No you don't," she told me. "This isn't your fault, this is hers. And you don't need to go risk your life to fix mistakes that aren't yours."
"Can I ask you something," I said.
"What?" she recoiled, expecting more yelling, not the calm question she was getting.
"Did you ever like her? From the minute you first saw her with me in the corridor before she even joined up, did you ever once try? Have you ever liked her? Or is she just some liability to you? Some nuisance? Some gum on your shoe?" I asked.
"No," she nodded. "You're right, I never liked her. She's not some gum on my shoe, some nuisance. She's a bimbo making heart eyes at my brother, and she's going to get him killed because of it."
"So that's how it is, is it?" I asked. She didn't want her in our lives, and if she was going far enough as to ask me not to go on this mission then she would never accept her. Which meant our lives had to become her life and mine. I watched her glare venomously at me, waiting for me to say something else. I nodded at her. "I've got a mission to go on. And I might not see you for a while when I get back."
"I don't think I want to see you when you get back anyway," she told me and stormed out of the locker room. I headed out the other way, headed for the cargo bay, knowing we were about to ship out. Everyone was ready to go when I got to the drop ship, the engine was running and even through her helmet, I could see Tex glaring at me from the open back door.
"You're late," she scolded.
"Sorry," I muttered and strapped myself in.
"Dude, what took you so long?" York asked as the door closed and we started lifting off. "We were about to leave without you."
"I have a feeling, that's what South had planned," I replied. "She didn't have to convince me, just argue with me long enough that you did."
"You spoke to South?" he asked and I nodded.
"You know how you're always telling me six years is nothing and if I like Newbie, I should just go for it?" I asked and he nodded. "South doesn't feel the same. She doesn't even think I should be going on this mission, that anyone should."
"That doesn't surprise me," I heard Tex mutter from across the ship.
"So you gonna shoot your shot?" York asked me.
I didn't know. I knew I liked her, I always thought I was just helping out a friend when I got her into the project. I thought the reason we got along so well was because we were friends and we were. But I'd made up my mind about how I felt when I saw her on New Years, that's why I wandered around with that damn camera all night, trying to keep myself busy. And then she kissed me and I was lost for a moment. I don't know if it was really the age gap that was holding me back, but kissing her felt wrong. Like I was stealing away the best years of her life from her. But that wasn't my choice to make. I was treating her like a kid and that wasn't fair.
"Let's just get her within range," I replied.
"You ever hurt her and I'll eject you out the airlock," Tex yelled.
"And out into space," Wash agreed.
"I'll keep that in mind," I nodded. I turned to York, despite his encouragement up until this point, he might just have been being Newbie's wingman. I wanted to know what he really thought. "York?"
"Yeah?" he asked.
"If I did like her back," I started. "I mean, she's six years younger. She wasn't even in high school when I was graduating. I was in the military two years before she was even starting. You don't think it's weird?"
"No," York shook his head. "She's not a child anymore dude, if she thinks you're the guy the only question you have to ask yourself is if she's the girl. She can make her own choices, it's not up to you to decide for her if she can handle it. And yeah, if you were dating someone like, ten, fifteen years different, maybe I'd be asking questions but with this small of an age gap you're making a mountain out of a mole hill. What's a few years? If you could only date people the same age as you Carolina would have to dump me because I was in the second grade when she was in kindergarten."
"Well it sounds stupid when you put it like that," I told him. "But we're not talking about two years, we're talking about six."
"Okay how about four? Or sometimes six, it doesn't matter," he said. "I've dated some of my siblings friends. Some of them younger some of them older. But you know what, so long as they were old enough to make their own decisions, I let them. Because it's not my job to make other people's choices. Age isn't a deal-breaker for me. Maturity is. And you're looking at someone who wants to save the world so they can feel closer to her parents. You're looking at someone who looks out for Wash and did when they were kids too. If you can see Wash as an adult, why can't you see her as one?"
"Should I be offended right now?" Wash asked from beside Tex.
"Nah, he's right," Tex told him and I could feel him pouting.
"I guess you're right," I sighed.
"Get ready to drop," Carolina said over the radio from the cockpit.
The doors whooshed open a moment later and everyone released their frames. I stood on the edge of the ship's opening. I looked one last time at York and Tex, getting a singular nod from both before the three of us stepped off the edge, falling through the air at speed. Close to the last second York and I moved into a roll, finishing in a crouch. I looked over to Tex who was squatting in a large crater. She stood and walked past us, looking back and with a jerk of her head, we followed.
"Remember, we don't have much time," Carolina said over the joint radio.
"We don't need much time," Tex replied and lead us toward the holding cells.
Washington POV
I watched York, North and Tex disappear out of the ship's view the size of ants as they ran across the ground. I looked back at Carolina, it would be our turn next. I wanted to be a part of this mission, anything to get Dee back but this didn't have anything to do with it. This was just some armour, we replace parts of our armour all the time. Why couldn't we just remote unlock her helmet with the password once we rescued her. Surely we should all be back there, helping her.
"You ready?" Carolina asked. I nodded, albeit a little nervously. "Good," she said and grabbed my chest plate as she stepped off the edge, yanking me with her. I let out a scream, freaking out for a minute before I calmed myself, remembering we needed to be quite and not draw attention. If we did we weren't just putting ourselves at risk, we were jeopardising the rescue.
We hurried along the side of the building, grav-locking our boots to the side of the building, using them to walk up the side, eliminating the need to unlock any doors along the way. We just needed to get to the third floor, bust a single window and find the armour. It seemed easy, too easy. Something was going to go wrong, I could feel it.
"Doesn't matter how far technology goes, they still seal windows the same way," Carolina tutted, sticking the suction cups to the glass before anchoring them to the hooks she'd jammed into the wall above the window. She made a cut in the corner of the window seal and started peeling it away, and I did the same on my side. This was by far, the silliest break in ever, of all time. Nimble fingers under the now hanging pain of glass, Carolina pulled it back and we ducked under, slipping in the building.
We watched each other's backs as we made our way up the corridor, checking every room. While we were able to get the schematics of the building, we weren't sure which lab they were using to try and break Newbie's armour. Eventually we found a room with a large blue screen, running numbers rapidly. Beside the blue was a live feed of some dark room, people inside, no sound. I moved to step in when I felt Carolina's hand on my arm.
I looked back at her, she put a finger to where her lips would be under the helmet. She pointed a spot barely in my sightline. I saw some legs and I assumed they were attached to a man. I nodded at her and she slipped in first, activating her camouflage enhancement and I lost her then. I knew she'd crept her way to the guy when I saw him jerk up and then start silently struggling before he went limp again and Carolina came back into view. She waved to me to come forward and I closed the door behind me.
I walked over to the centre of the room and spotted Newbie's helmet, unplugging the cable connecting it to the computer that was currently trying to hack in. I picked it up, tossing it up and catching it in my hands a few times before I looked around for the rest of her armour. Technically we could get away with just bringing this back, really this was what the Director wanted, but I wanted to try bring the rest. I spotted a case and opened it to find the rest of the pieces. I could hear the recovery beacon whining and I reached for the armour plate, turning it off finally. I dropped the helmet in the case with the rest of it and looked back to Carolina, why wasn't she helping me?
I saw her staring at the screen, unmoving. I raised a brow and followed her gaze. The live feed. I walked away from the case so I could see it better. Inside was an Insurrectionist solder kneeling behind a person, a woman it looked like but all I could see were legs. Oh god. We were watching the live feed of one of the detainees. Whoever was being interrogated clearly was not having a good time. The pieces began putting themselves together in my head. This was a live feed of an interrogation in the same room as a computer was trying to password break Newbie's helmet. A tech was ready and waiting to enter the password if the soldier was able to get it from the prisoner. That woman was her.
"Diana," I said and Carolina nodded. First movement she'd made since she'd seen the feed. I was also frozen in the moment, horrified at what I was seeing.
"The others are probably almost there," I said trying to assure her, and myself, Dee wouldn't be in trouble for long.
"Oh god you're right," Carolina realised. "Guys, one of them is in her cell with her right now, be careful when you get there."
"Got it," York replied.
"Oh god, he could kill her, couldn't he, when the others get there," I said and Carolina nodded.
"Are they backing this feed up, or is it just live?" she asked me and I shrugged. She moved from the feed, looking at the computer that was no longer running the hack. She started typing away and flicking through files. "There's hundreds of interrogation files on here."
"What?" I asked, prying myself away from the screen. I looked over her shoulder to thousands of hours of footage. "That's horrible."
"We've got to do something about this," Carolina told me, she plugged the cable running from the computer into her helmet. "Armour, execute system command. Command, upload current file to Mother of Invention Mains."
"System command accepted, data file transfer initiating," FILSS replied and I looked at Carolina. Why was she transferring all the files to us? What could we do with them.
"The Insurrection can't get away with doing this," Carolina said. "We won't let them."
"You're tethered to the computer, what are we supposed to do now? Quick in and out, if we hang out here too long they're gonna find us as they'll kill Newbie and the others for sure," I said and Carolina nodded.
"I know, that's why I'm hoping the Mother of Invention's close range will speed things up a bit," she told me. "But if worst comes to the worst, I'll take off my helmet and we'll kick their asses. A quick firefight should be long enough to upload the files."
"Your confidence scares me a little bit," I told her and she chuckled.
Main POV
"Your time's up Princess," the soldier who'd done most of the torturing came into the room. I managed to lift my head, barely, to see him smirking as he strode across the room to me. He ran a finger across the line of my jaw, I flinched away from his touch. Even the lightest of pressure sent sharp waves of pain through me. My jaw was bruised and swollen on the surface, and inside my mouth it was angry and inflamed from all the missing teeth and infection. He chuckled at the flinch, grabbing onto my face, gripping it harder.
"At least your friends will be proud of you, huh? Lasting it out, not spilling a single character, not a word," he told me. "Unless there's anything you want to tell me?"
"No," I croaked.
"You see, the boss has given me the go ahead to write you off. You're done, dead. You wanna know why?" he asked me. I shook my head. I didn't care. "I'll tell you why. My job was to get you to tell me the password to that helmet of yours before the computer could crack it. And we've got three days maximum before it does. So you're time is up. Was it really worth it, a few weeks alive in exchange for pain and torment? Would it not have been easier to just give me the password and have never felt any of this? Princess, you silly girl. Over something as stupid as loyalty? Your friends didn't make it. They were never coming."
"Is that what you would do?" I asked, glaring up at him. "Would you sell out your friends, your people, everything you hold dear? Nothing you could do, nothing you did do, was enough to make me speak."
"To save myself weeks of torture? You're god damn right I'd sell out the corrupt organisation that you work for," he told me. "Do you really not know what they're doing? Are you that naive? You're young Princess, but surely you're not that ignorant to what Project Freelancer has been doing. They're monsters."
"Forgive me if I don't take morality lessons from the man who just spent weeks torturing me for some fucking files," I coughed.
"What do you thin is on those files, dummy," he said. "Proof of everything you've been up to until now. Why do you think they had you erase it from the computer you stole it from, why they tried to stop us from getting it."
"You're the bad guys, of course we weren't going to let it fall into your hands, why do you think I wiped the drive?" I asked.
"You really don't know, do you?" he asked. "I pity you, Princess. You're caught up in a war you don't even understand. And now you're going to die just a pawn."
"Could you hurry it up already? I've been hanging out in my underwear for weeks, just fucking end it already," I said. "Unless your plan was to talk me to death. God, this is worse than the teeth pulling. You should have done this to get the password."
"Last chance Princess, give it to me," he said. "I can't let you go, but I can make it painless."
"I can't tell you," I replied.
"Are you sure?" he asked and I nodded. "Alright. Do yourself a favour, when he comes in, don't fight. You think I'm bad, this guy's a psycho."
"You're not going to do it?" I asked and he shook his head.
"Boss prefers it if I keep my hands kind of clean," he shrugged. "Separate people for separate jobs. I get the information someone else gets rid of you when it's over."
"Then how exactly were you planning on making it painless?" I asked.
"Little accident, a boo boo, mistake made after weeks on the same job," he shrugged. "Maybe I got tired, slipped up, dug the knife too deep, held your throat too tight. One snap of the neck, it'd be over."
"The only reward you could offer," I nodded. "No thanks. I'll take my chances with the other psycho. You might have made me cry but the fight's not over till I close my eyes."
"You truely are ignorant," he told me. It was a little off-putting, having the white guy being the one calling me ignorant, but I suppose it'll be the thought that amuses me while I get murdered. Something about knowing it's finally over was giving me a little spring back in my step. A second wind almost. I'm kind of glad he told me that, I wasn't sure how much longer I could keep up the fighting for. I might have told him, three days was a long time.
North Dakota POV
"Tex," York said as we ran up the side of the cells, looking for the right place to put the charges, now we knew someone was in there with Newbie.
"What?" she replied, continuing to run.
"What did you mean, when you said Dee wasn't one agent?" he asked and she growled at him.
"You wanna get into this now?" she demanded.
"I didn't think you'd wanna talk about it when anyone else was around to hear, perhaps a certain teal coloured rival," he replied. "If this was me or Wash, you wouldn't be so determined for this rescue, would you? What does it being Diana mean?"
"I don't know," she yelled back, pausing by the corner of the building, leaning out to check for hostiles.
"I think you do," he said.
"She's familiar to me," Tex sighed. "I don't know exactly who she is or why I feel this way. I looked into her when we first met her, she's familiar. I think I knew her dad, maybe. His name is familiar too. And the Director, there's something there. He knew who she was in a lot more detail than the files he had when she applied. I don't know why he doesn't like her so much, and I don't know how I know her. But I do know her. She's important, somehow."
"Alright," York nodded, ducking around the corner first.
I had noticed that too, but I probably would have picked a better time to confront her about it. I did wonder why, Tex, who didn't really get along with any of the team, besides a few civil conversations between her and York, adored Newbie so much. Sure they fought the first time they met, but since then she was always around, if only in the background. She was around to congratulate her when she got in, and to pat her on the back when her skills in training got her number 8 on the leaderboard. She was there for pep talks and was generally very mothering. It was almost like invasion of the body snatchers when Tex and Newbie were in the same room.
"North, you coming?" Tex yelled and I looked up to see her poking her head back around the corner she'd followed York around.
"Shit, yeah," I snapped out of it, following behind them.
Main POV
I heard the door open again and I looked up to a different Insurrectionist stalking in to the room. He gestured to the guards and they headed for the door, leaving immediately. That was good news, I stood a better chance against one opponent. Even if I was in my underwear and hadn't had a good night's sleep in weeks. I could do this. Maybe my friends couldn't find me, if I could just get out, I could contact them and they'd rescue me. This wasn't over. This was my second wind.
"So," I said. "How come you don't get the fun part of the job? Weak stomach?"
"Cheeky little thing, aren't you?" he chuckled darkly, coming over to me and curling a lock of hair around his finger. "You wanna know why I don't get to play with you before the end?" I shrugged, nodding. I had time. "Because you're right, it is fun."
"You like it so you don't get to do it?" I raised an eyebrow.
"I'm too intense," he replied. "To be able take this much and still have so much fight left in you, you must have such a strong constitution. I'll bet you were raised very well, in a loving home. It's delicious, being able to understand what makes a person tick. To be able to draw blood in the right way, break you down until you bend exactly to my will. To answer your question, my little playmate, I don't get to do it, because when I get what the boss wants, I don't stop. I lose myself in all the fun."
"Well, I can see you picked the right career," I replied. "You what I don't get, if you like torture this much, why not just be a high school teacher?"
"Funny, oh so funny," he told me. "I watched the live feed, I know everything about you, how you work. What you responded to best... I know exactly what to do with you. How to break you."
"You're supposed to kill me," I replied. What live feed?
"And in time, I will," he assured me. "But you know what, I am missing out on the fun. I was very jealous when I saw your little friend getting to... touch you," he said tracing a finger over a dried blood track across my abdomen. "To feel you fight as teeth were being pulled, even though there was nothing you could do. To watch you choke when he came in every day and stuffed his cock down your throat. So now it's my turn."
"You can fuck my cold dead corpse, but I'll never let you get off on torturing me," I replied. "You'd better kill me now before I have the chance to get free, and believe me I'm working on it."
"You still think your friends are coming, don't you?" he chuckled. He walked away for a moment, lowing the chains holding me to the ceiling down so I was kneeling on the ground. "Such a shame, pretty girl, very little brains."
"Fuck off," I spat, blood was still coming out, even though it had been a few days since the last pulling.
He made his way back over, unzipping his trousers. If he even tried to put his cock in my mouth I'd bite it off this time for sure. I was getting less and less overwhelmed each time the other guy tried it, I wasn't letting this new guy get away with it. He grabbed my jaw roughly, using his fingers to apply pressure to the inflamed, toothless gums through my cheeks. I let out a scream, unable contain it. He hissed as I did, tears running down my cheeks. I looked up at him and he was fisting his cock. Was he getting off on this? He really was messed up. I was glad he never got the chance to torture me before. I probably would have given up the info. I bore my teeth, ready to bite down the moment he came near. I didn't have many in the back left, but that didn't matter. I had the important ones still hanging out in the front.
"Uh uh," he tutted at me. "You think I'll put it in there?"
He used the hand he still had around my mouth to throw me forward toward the ground. Oh shit, this was serious. This was bad. I screamed out desperately. That second wind was definitely gone now. Oh shit. York, Wash where are you? Fuck, Tex would have me out of here in no time. I cried out before he even had hold of me. It was one thing, to have that other guy repeatedly fuck my throat. I could get over that. It was gross and I'd probably never give anyone head but I'd be okay. This was too much, I couldn't let him do this. I wouldn't come back from this.
"No," I cried out. "Don't!"
"I know you offered up your dead body, but corpses just don't have the same supple flesh of the living," he said giving my ass cheek a spank. "That'll teach you to be less cheeky, perhaps in the next life you'll know better."
I screamed out as loudly as I could, please god, send help. I don't care if it's South. Don't do this to me. If my dad is watching over me in any way, don't let this happen. Where's a guardian angel when you need them?
My knees were being scraped against the concrete, the old scabs from previous times on my knees being torn off, the scent of fresh blood filling the room. I was surprised I could still smell it in the room, it was so thick in the air. My arms shook in front of me, I was so tired from this, all this time, I couldn't keep myself upright anymore. I dropped to the ground, face hitting the rough surface. I could feel my chest and my cheeks being scraped against the ground with the vigorous movement. I let out scream after scream and still no one came. But why would they? My friends weren't coming. There was no way the Director would risk anything for one agent, especially if that agent was me.
I let out a sob, they really weren't coming. This was for nothing, this really was all for nothing. I should have just told the other guy what he wanted. He promised he'd make the pain stop, if I just told him. He warned me, don't fight this guy, and still I taunted him. This was my fault. If I'd just done a better job at that mission I wouldn't even be here.
Eventually, I didn't have any tears left to cry. The sobbing, the screaming, it stopped. I didn't have anything left. I relaxed into the floor, letting it all happen. Once this was over, he'd kill me. The fight was gone, and that's what he wanted, right? To snuff out my spark? Well, here it was, laying on the floor. I felt numb. It would be over soon. I focused on a brick in the wall, memorising every crack, every visible bit of grit.
I felt him pull out, sliding my panties back over from the side and giving my ass a little pat before he pushed himself up off the ground. I lay still, hoping wherever he was going, it was to get something to kill me with. It would all be over soon. I could hear footsteps by the door, where was he going? Come back! Kill me, you have to kill me! It's literally your job! I let go. My friends weren't coming and I wasn't going to die. This guy would come back for round two and I'd only get more pain. I closed my eyes, blinking slowly and sending my mind into a dark fog.
North Dakota POV
"You sure that's enough?" I asked York who nodded once.
I did not believe him in the slightest, but he was the best we had for this kind of thing. We really needed to get someone on our team who understood explosives. Tex and I cleared the area and once York was finished sticking the plastic explosive to the wall, he jogged down to meet us. He pulled out a remote, flicking off the safety and pressing his thumb down hard on the button. The charge on the wall beeped three times before blowing chunks of brick and debris over us in a cloud of dust.
"No one told me it was double thick," York said and I looked up and sighed. He'd blown a single layer.
"Did you use all the C4?" I asked. He nodded once. "YORK!"
"Don't worry, I got this," he told me.
"You better," Tex said.
He pulled a plasma grenade from his side, pulling the pin and throwing it towards the same place he'd put the C4. It stuck to the wall and after a few seconds, there was another wave of brick and dust. Once it settled I saw a decent sized hole in the side of the building. Tex was already up and running for it and we were a few seconds behind. She leapt through the hole and I was next, York coming in last, almost crashing into my back. I'd stopped dead. Tex was crouching on the floor next to a motionless woman.
She was blonde, almost naked and covered in blood. I knew who it was, but everything inside me fought the belief. This was not her. It couldn't be. But it had to be. I'd seen that matching shear white bra and pantie set with the blue embroidered butterflies before, they'd been hanging in her locker one day when she was taking off her her sportswear after training. We'd found out from Carolina which cell she was in. This was her, but I didn't want it to be. This woman, she was too cut up, too broken. She was torn to pieces. They couldn't do that to her. This wasn't her.
Tex had crushed the shackles that had bound the woman's wrists and was currently checking her pulse. York was peaking out the hole in the wall, looking for hostiles rushing this was from the sound of the very large explosion we'd just caused.
"She's alive," Tex assured me, before pushing up off the ground and cocking her pistol. Before I had a chance to question the door burst open and a soldier dropped dead on the ground. I didn't even hear her take the shot. I saw her click the safety back on and attach her pistol to her thigh and reach down to scoop Newbie up off the ground.
"North, what are you doing, snap out of it," Tex scolded. "Put you're game face on, we're not out of the woods yet."
"Sorry," I shook my head. She was right. It might have been a shock to see her like this, but Newbie needed me. And I wouldn't be much help to her if I was just standing around staring at things.
"It's okay baby, I'm here now, I got you," Tex soothed. "I'm here, we're getting you out."
"Give her to me," I put my arms forward, ready for the transfer.
"What? Why?" Tex demanded.
"Yeah, what's it matter?" York agreed from his vantage point.
"You said it yourself, I'm pretty much useless right now, if we're going to have to fight our way out of here, you need to be the one to do it," I explained. "I'll carry her, I'll run with her. You two cover us."
"Alright," Tex agreed and hoisted her over. "You be careful with her."
"I know," I replied. "You don't have to tell me."
Washington POV
"You know, that ran way too smoothly," I said as Carolina sat down in seats in the back of the ship. She turned to look at me, I assumed there was a glare behind her visor.
"Don't jinx us, the others still aren't back yet," she told me. I nodded.
There was a clattering and I looked up, York was laying face down on the floor of the drop ship and scrambling his way up. Carolina walked over to give him a hand up just as North jogged in, carrying a bloody and limp woman. There was the sound of gunfire in the distance before it got closer and then stopped all together. That sounded like Tex.
"Told you not to jinx us," Carolina said as we waited for the last person in our group.
"We caught up with some old friends on our way out," York explained. "I went with North to get Newbie out and Tex drew their fire. She won't be long."
"Sorry," I heard and looked behind York. Tex was standing there, dark red liquid dripping off her armour. "Diana didn't enjoy her stay here, I was filing a complaint."
"I'd hate to be that clerk," I muttered and she laughed.
"Come on 479r, we're good to go," Tex yelled. "Let's get out of here while we still can."
There was a lot of turbulence throughout the flight. The ship rumbled and creaked and we had to suddenly drop altitude several times to escape very angry ships that had spotted us in their airspace. I watched Diana during all of this, not once did she stir. Not a single complaint, mumble or groan. I frowned. She hadn't said a word since she'd been carried onboard. Which only made me feel worse knowing what Carolina and I had seen on the live feed.
"How much of that blood do you think is fresh?" I asked.
"Does it matter?" Carolina asked. I nodded.
"Stuff around her mouth is new," Tex answered. "And the stuff running down her thighs and on her knees. Everything else is at least a day old by my guess. You wanna know if she's had 13, don't you?"
"I just.. I suppose knowing won't help any, she's still been tortured. Torture is torture, but I wanna be able to help her," I answered.
"I don't think any of us are going to be able," Tex replied. "That dead look in her eye, the way we found her laying when we got her, she's going to have to pull herself out if she can. And it's going to take a lot of time."
"How'd you find her?" I asked.
"It's probably best we let her tell us," Tex said and I frowned. So she knew too. I looked at Carolina who had elected not to sit in the cockpit with the pilot.
Tex walked off the ship as soon as it landed, not uttering a single word as she did. York went with Carolina to take the Director the case we'd recovered with Dee's armour and North and I ran beside the gurney the medical team had brought and haphazardly dumped her on once we'd opened the doors. Once we got to the medbay we were restricted to where we could go. Our armour had to have decontamination showers and once we were through that we were only allowed in the observation room.
The various surgeries took hours. There was the initial bullet wound that needed attending, plus her body was littered with various scars and marks. I'd seen how bloody her knees were when they'd placed her on the gurney, I was surprised they didn't need stitched shut at first until I saw them prepared skin grafts. North had his helmet off, head in his hands, barely keeping it together. I was in too much shock to really be able to process how horrific everything that was going on was. I think I'd been in shock since I first laid eyes on the live feed.
Main POV
I blinked awake. I had finally lost it. That had to be it. I looked around with my eyes, too scared to move my stiff neck. The ceiling above me was beige and there was harsh fluorescents illuminating it. The walls around me were also beige instead of the dingy brick walls I'd been surrounded by every other time I'd woken up. The room felt warm, I felt warm, I wasn't shivering. My skin didn't sting or feel grimy. I blinked. Was this a dream?
"Hey," I head beside me and jumped at the sound. "Easy baby, it's just me..."
I looked up and couldn't clearly see the face hovering above me. There was a blurry peach face surrounded by a net of gold. Blue eyes stared down at me. She looked familiar, I was comfortable not scared. I knew her, she looked after me.
"Mom," I murmured. I nodded to myself. I was okay, I was safe. I closed my eyes again, I was tired.
I felt sick. I didn't know why, but I was sure of one thing. I was going to be sick. I threw myself up from the position I'd been laying in. I desperately looked around, somewhere in the background there was an erratic and loud beeping noise but I was too busy to find out what it was.
"I'm gonna be.." I started and made a gagging noise, holding my mouth shut as I fought the urge.
There was a mint green kidney bowl thrust under my face and I let lose. My abdomen ached as I chundered into the shallow bowl. I wasn't sure I had anything to hurl but I couldn't stop. I shook as I threw up everything I had. I could feel tears pricking at the sides of my eyes. I think there was someone here, how else would I have gotten the bowl, but I could barely pay any attention to anything other than hurling.
I managed to settle my stomach down but couldn't stop the shivering. Suddenly I was freezing and I tried to pull the blankets around me higher. Where the hell was I? Why was I so cold?
I came to again, hanging by my bound wrists still dripping wet from the dousing. At least now I wasn't covered in my own blood. The grimy, goss feeling of the sweat and the dust was gone. But instead I was shivering. I was freezing. I was hanging in nothing but my underwear as I dripped. I lifted my stiff neck, pulling soaking we hair away a little so I could see. Just as I did the door burst open again. Him. He smirked at me and I shook more. Please god no more. My throat still ached from before the dousing. He had the same swagger to his hips as he did every time he was about to do this.
"Please don't," I whimpered.
He chuckled as he came closer, gesturing to the guards to lower me. My wet skin immediately coating itself with the dust on the floor, covering my knees with mud. I tried to crawl away. No more. I could take the cuts, the burns even the punches. I could take the verbal quips. Not this. He gripped my hair and I cried out. As soon as I did his cock was in my throat.
"I can't breath," I managed.
"Calm down old chap."
I barely registered the voice beside me. I felt a hand on my back and screamed. I threw myself up out of the bed I was laying in, I felt wires and cables being pulled, something being ripped from the inside of my arm. I hit the cold floor in my bare feet and started running as fast as I could. I could hear the sound of a siren whirring overhead but I ignored it. I had to get out of here. Wherever here was.
Someone reached out for me as I ran and I screamed. No. I was getting out of here. I was getting out of her. I had to get out of here. I'd been through enough, I'm not staying. I need to get out.
"Newbie!" I heard what sounded like North yell for me. I'd been here too long, I was hallucinating. I was imagining him.
"NO!" I screamed as someone tackled me to the ground. I writhed and thrashed around on the ground, screaming bloody murder. Arms held my head steady and I bit at them, ignoring the aching sensation in my mouth. I suddenly felt very drowsy, every part of my body went limp.
"No," I whimpered.
I blinked. The beige ceiling was back. Had I just snapped? Had I fully gone into the deep end and the torture was so bad I was imagining I was back at the Mother of Invention? I let out a whine. This wasn't fair. I rolled to my side, so I wouldn't have to see the fake beige ceiling anymore. I saw York sitting in the chair beside me wearing sweats and an orange Grif ball shirt. He noticed me staring at him and he smiled cheerily. I glared at him and he was taken aback for a second. I had snapped.
"Hey you," he greeted. I glared harder.
"Go away," I demanded. He raised an eyebrow.
"Newbie.."
"Leave," I cut him off.
"What, why?" he asked, looking hurt. I ignored it. This wasn't the real York. I wasn't causing the real York any pain.
"I know you're not real, so don't even try it," I told him. "You're not the real York. I don't know if I've just finally snapped or if this is some bullshit attempt to get me to tell you what I set the password to but either way, I'm not fucking giving it up. You're just gonna have to kill me. So fuck off."
"Newbs, it is me, it's really York," he argued. "You got out, don't you remember? North and Tex came with me. We carried you out of there."
"And how do I know I didn't just imagine that too?" I said. "The thing is I don't. So you can forget it. Sit there with that dumb look on your face, try your best to copy his mannerisms. I don't know, maybe I'm still inside my head and you're just asking the questions but York isn't here. Because I'm not really here. I'm in a dark, musty cell that's too humid and smells like my own blood. I don't care how beige you make the roof look, I'm not here with my York."
"Sweetie," he sighed and pushed himself up out of the chair. He leaned over my bedside and held his position for a moment, I heard the sound of a siren whirring over head and then someone came rushing in. He walked out of the room with them as I glared angrily out of the doorway. I wanted to know what they were saying, what were they up to? But I was pretty tired. Cold and pretty tired. I pulled my blankets further up my chest, tucking my arms under it and glared up over the fabric. I blinked slowly. Very tired. Very suspicious.
Washington POV
"What do you mean she said you weren't real?" I heard Tex demand as I headed up the corridor, on my way to visit Newbie again. I didn't know how I managed it but somehow every time I'd visited she'd been out cold. I'd heard she'd caused some trouble recently, including punching and biting Wyoming and calling Tex mom.
"Guys, what happened?" I asked when I reached them. Tex had dark rings under her yes, looking like she hadn't had any sleep for a while. She looked overcome with worry. York had a 5 o'clock shadow and some pretty dark circles himself.
"She woke up and told me to leave," he told us. "Then she told me she wasn't giving me the password. She couldn't seem to decide if she'd imagined me or if they were using some kind of technique to make her believe she was with me to get her to give up the password but she was sure she wanted me to go."
"She must have been shut down when we got there," Tex realised. "Something happened and she couldn't cope so she shut down. And because of that, she doesn't remember being rescued."
"I know what happened," I looked down. "You know too, Tex. You're right about where the blood came from. There was a live feed from her cell into the room Carolina and I infiltrated while we were trying to recover her armour. We saw..."
"I get it," York replied. "But was that before or after she shutdown."
"Does it matter?" I asked.
"Of course it does," he replied. "If we know what triggered it we can help her through it."
"How's North?" Tex asked. York frowned.
"He's not taking this well, he's still blaming himself," York said. I nodded. I felt pretty bad too, if I'd have just been better when Carolina told me to get to Newbie, I could have stopped them from taking her.
"Hey.." Tex said to us. "Maybe don't tell anyone what's going on with Dee right now. I have a bad feeling what the Counsellor might do if he sees what kind of a state she's in. And definitely don't let the Director find out."
"Got it," I agreed. Both men gave me the willies anyway.
Main POV
I'd never actually been in the Counsellor's office before. I felt a little bit silly being afraid of the man before, now that I was sitting in a brightly coloured beanbag. I held a soft pillow in my lap with a blanket over my knees. He was keeping me waiting on purpose I expect, to see how I'd react to alone time in this strange place. Either that or he was putting on body armour incase I threw another one of my famous fits.
"I'm sorry to keep you waiting, Agent New Hampshire," the counsellor said when he finally made his way over to his own chair.
"No you're not, you were testing me," I replied. He gave me a look. "Sorry, would it make you feel more in control if I played along?"
"Are you comfortable?" he asked and I shrugged.
"As much as I can be, you have very strange taste," I told him. "I almost preferred my dank cell."
"So you have moved on from grief to using humour as a defence mechanism?" he asked and I frowned. "How are you feeling?"
"Better now I can stop wearing the finger guards, but I'm assuming you meant emotionally," I said and he gave me the same pointed look. "Better," I replied with a sigh. "But I am glad you had me meet here. The same four walls and a ceiling all day every day gets a little old. I might not be getting tortured in this one, but it's like I've traded one cell for another."
"You feel trapped in the med-bay," he said. "It's important for your recovery that you stay in a germ free environment while your wounds heal. And now that you're mostly there, it's also important you can be.."
"You want eyes on me 24/7 so I don't kill myself, yeah I got that," I cut him off. "Look, I don't know what I have to say to convince you but I'm not going to shoot myself out an airlock the minute someone turns their back."
"I imagine the medical staff's concerns stem from your repeated begging for them to just kill you," he replied. "What would make you do such a thing?"
"I wasn't begging Project Freelancer's medical staff," I answered simply. "I was having flashbacks. I always told them I'd never give this place up. Nor the password. Torturing me was a waste of time because I'd never give up the password. I started wishing for them to just kill me after the first few rounds water dousing."
"So you do not actively wish to die?" he asked and I shook my head in a no.
"I might if you rip out any more of my teeth," I replied. "But until such point, no. This war isn't over, I'm not done here."
"I see," he said. "Are you sleeping?"
"A reasonable amount in my opinion," I replied.
"But not the medical staff's," he responded.
"I know part of the reason I'm not sleeping a solid 8 is down to the trauma, but there's also a large part of it that's the lack of energy exerted. My day consists of waking up, going to the bathroom, showering and hanging out in bed all day with the occasional visitor," I said. "I used to train every day, I exercised. I'd run drills. Now I do nothing. Of course I'm not sleeping. My body doesn't need sleep, I'm not making it do anything."
"Let's talk about the trauma portion," he said.
"Let's not," I said with a frown.
"You might find talking about your experiences helpful," he said.
"I might," I agreed. "If it was with someone I trusted."
"Are you saying you do not trust me?" he asked. "I am the ship's counsellor."
"Don't take it personally, I've never trusted you even before this," I replied. "I don't understand, you have the video files Carolina and Wash managed to seize from their base. If you want to know what happened, why not just watch them?"
"I already have," he told me. "But what I'm interested in how it has affected you."
"Well it's probably safe to assume not positively," I bit. "I was held over enemy lines and tortured for weeks and the only reason I got rescued was because no one could figure out the password I set remotely."
"What did those sixteen characters mean?" he asked me. "Did you set them randomly?"
"43, 33, 32, 50, 34, 47, 19, 29 leaderboard with their corresponding alphabetical number," I shrugged. "They don't know our leaderboard and it changes all the time so why would they be able to guess it unless they sat there and ran every single number combination until they got it. Texas is the 43rd state if you organised them by alphabet."
"I see," he said. "Very resourceful on the verge of unconsciousness. Are you upset in the circumstances in which you were rescued?"
"I know my friends would have done everything in their power," I said. "And I went into it being okay to die to keep them safe. I'm a soldier, eventually, dying is part of the job. I could never be upset with them."
"Are you implying you're upset with the Director?" he asked.
"What would be the point?" I replied. "I am but one agent of a possible 50. Why would my feelings matter?"
"How are you feeling now?" he asked.
"Prolonged use of this beanbag has made my ass numb," I told him.
"I think that's enough for today," he told me. "Why don't we schedule another session?"
"Whatever you say," I sighed, pushing myself up. "Send for me when you want an audience oh great one."
I stared up at the ceiling. I was bored. I supposed if I could feel bored instead of just curling up and sobbing that meant I was getting better. I remembered a trick I'd learned in basic that lets you fall asleep anywhere at any time in 2 minutes. I relaxed all my muscles in my face and then dropped my shoulders low. I exhaled deeply and then started relaxing the muscles from my abdomen down in order of chest to toes. Now for the tricky part. The canoe or the hammock?
I pictured myself laying in a black velvet hammock, feeling the soft fabric against my skin and I kept my breathing steady. I was in a dark room with no source of light. It was oddly calming. I felt myself slipping, my eyes felt strained even though they were closed. I was being pulled closer and closer to sleep. And then I was in an unconscious darkness rather than the one I had constructed for myself.
I blinked. I looked up the the beige ceiling again. Turning to my left I spied the clocked. I'd gotten another 4 hours. Imagine being so bored you had to sleep. I moved back to looking at the ceiling.
"Hey," I heard someone croak and I didn't need to look to know who it was. He wasn't supposed to be in here. I didn't want him here. I'd been refusing to see him. I frowned as I looked into the beige. I didn't want to be doing this, not really. Every time he snuck in and I threw him out was like kicking a puppy but I couldn't cope with seeing him right now. It wasn't so bad now I'd stopped uncontrollably crying. Which was a good thing too because my cheeks were burning from the salt.
"Are you ignoring me?" he asked.
"What are you doing here?" I asked, sitting up with a sigh. I made eye contact with him. This was probably the first time I'd looked at him since I'd come back. He was unshaven to the point of an Abe Lincoln beard had grown on his face and he was wearing creased civvies that smelled like they were probably at least a couple of days old.
"I don't care what you say anymore," he told me. "I'm done letting you push me away. I'm here for you. Always. Even when you don't want me here."
"You don't get it do you? I don't want you hear because it hurts to fucking look at you," I told him. He looked like a wounded animal crying to be put down.
"Are you really that angry with me? Do you blame me? I understand why, I can't even look at myself right now," he told me. "I feel so guilty, knowing if I had have just listened to you outside that damn building you wouldn't have been in there alone. If I hadn't have pushed for you so hard to be put on that damn mission, I thought I was helping you! But all I've done is put you in harm's way. Fuck, I never wanted any of this. Look at you, all this is my fault. I couldn't even manage to rescue you in time. If you hate me, I understand, but please don't send me away." His head was in his hands, he was choking on his words. I could see he was crying. I felt the corners of my eyes stinging.
"I don't hate you," I told him. "I'm not angry with you and I don't blame you. None of this was your fault."
"You don't hate me?" he said, looking up at me with tears in his eyes. "I fucking hate me. You should have just let them kill me, instead of taking that hit, let them give me a headshot. Fuck. You don't understand, I spent so long trying to fucking protect you and I put you out there and this fucking happened."
"Trying to protect me?" I recoiled.
"Yes, this isn't how I wanted this to come out," he said. "But I really like you. Fuck I think I might be in love with you. I have been since you got into the Project, since our New Year's kiss. And I've been staying away from you because I thought I was too old for you. And then when you got taken I thought it was my fault, it is my fault and I can't believe I let this happen."
"You've been in love with me since then? The night you toyed with my heart and then made me feel like a fucking child because you changed your mind about a drunken hookup? Because you have some strange archaic views of protecting the young and innocent?" I snapped at him. I had no idea where this was coming from. "You might feel guilty over this prisoner thing and I understand that, it's not your fault and you need to come to terms with it. But you have no fucking right to come in here while I'm like this, yes me, while I'm grieving and struggling and trying to figure it all out because I was the one who was tortured, me. You have no right to come in here and decide you're in love with me because of it."
"That's not..." he tried before I screamed at him.
"Just fucking get out!"
I threw my head on my knees and started sobbing, unable to hold the tears in any longer. I thought the crying part was over. I shook with the anguish, I wanted him, I wanted him to tell me he loved me, but not like this. Not this stupid fucked up conflicted feelings bullshit that it was. Not when it was a manifestation of his grief and guilt. Not when he brought up that night and so to did the way I'd felt come back. I went back to Tex's room that night, asked if I could stay and curled up on her bed, sobbing into her lap. While I'd had fun at the party after she'd walked me back I couldn't stop thinking about how he'd made me feel. And I can't forget now, the nights I spend staying up wondering why I wasn't good enough, why he wouldn't see me as the adult I was.
"Hey," I heard and looked up to see Wash standing there with an awkward look and a wave.
"He told me he loves me," I said. He raised a brow.
"The Counsellor?" he asked. "Because that's who you went to see when I left you last time."
"North snuck in again," I wiped the tears away. "And he dropped a fucking bombshell on me and I threw him out."
"Slow down," Wash said, sitting down on the chair beside my bed. "What'd he say?"
And I lay back down into the pillows and recounted everything for him. Including how I'd felt when North had rejected me and told me not to take it as a rejection. I told him I didn't know how to feel because before all this I had had a massive crush on him but he kept pushing me away. I told him how I didn't know what to do with now if it wasn't some weird reaction to what had happened to me because it did happen. And I could barely function as a human being right now.
"I think you did the right thing," he told me. "Maybe not in the best way but, I think we can give you some leeway here. You've told him how you feel, you still like him even though you're traumatised. You've said you're not coping well because of what's happened and you've said its not acceptable for him to come in and tell you all this while you're struggling. You did good. I don't know what to do next, because I don't know what he's going to do next and even if I did, this is not a situation I've had to deal with before but, we got this."
"We?" I asked.
"Well yeah, we're best friends. Mis problemas son tus problemas," he said and I raised a brow.
"Thats.. what did you mean to say?" I asked.
"Your problems are my problems," he said awkwardly. "That was wrong wasn't it?"
"Yes," I nodded. "Please never try to speak Spanish to me again."