Chapter 10: Good Intentions

October 2, 1995

Remus Lupin

Some saviours come in unattractive packages, but saviours they are nonetheless. Wolfsbane potion tasted vile, Severus Snape was depressingly hostile, but together, they rescued Lupin from a night of insanity and weeks of blackness swirling around him on the cold autumn breeze, Severus Snape held out a goblet filled with Lupin's own 'Elixer of Life'… and in the emotional state of that moment, Lupin could almost believe that he was gazing upon a dark archangel.

But Snape's chill-reddened nose and the bruised patches beneath his eyes rather punctured the illusion that Lupin had happened upon. No, Severus Snape was undoubtedly human… and a very tired looking human at that.

Lupin had thought the man seemed fatigued a few weeks ago at the debacle of an Order meeting, but now he looked absolutely dead on his feet. And yet Snape had still made the Wolfsbane and walked all the way down to Hogsmeade to give it to him. Oh, he handed it to Lupin while firing off his usual arsenal of barbed quips and poisonous slurs, but Snape didn't once complain about his physical condition or the wearisomeness of the delivery.

The month before, Snape had written to Lupin, telling him to receive the Wolfsbane at the entrance to the Hogsmeade village. Of course, Lupin understood that having a werewolf walk into the school would hardly be acceptable since his resignation as Defence teacher, but he wondered why Dumbledore didn't just unlock a Hogwarts floo passage in order to facilitate his access. Perhaps Snape had convinced him that after the incident in his year of teaching, Lupin just wasn't safe to have on any part of the school grounds.

Still, the first time, he asked Snape about it anyway. "Are you sure you are okay to just… walk here, every evening for one week a month? Snape, had, of course, just sneered at him. "It's called exercise. Perhaps you've heard of it, wolf? You know, it's categories include, among others, running, hiking… oh, and er… hunting?"

So Lupin had said no more on the matter, and for the rest of the week, Snape had met him outside of Hogsmeade, always with that wonderful goblet of disgusting potion.

But now, Lupin had to bring the subject up again. Snape just looked much too wearied to be making the trip for the rest of the week.

"You look utterly terrible, Severus." Lupin began firmly.

"Why, thank you for the observation, Lupin." Snape grinned ghoulishly, showing his crooked teeth. "But after thirty-five years, that fact has been firmly impressed upon me."

Lupin rolled his eyes. "No, I meant you look wiped out. Tired. You shouldn't be walking down here just to give me the potion."

Snape shrugged. "You don't want it? Fine." And he turned to go, still with the brimming goblet.

"No, you… argh, Severus, be serious, won't you?"

"Am I ever anything but?" Snape turned back. "Lupin, this isn't a social meeting. Either drink it now, or don't."

Lupin knew better than to argue, and downed the potion, shuddering at its filthy taste.

"It never gets better." He handed the goblet back with a rueful smile.

"Indeed." Snape strode off without a backward glance.

"Wait, Severus!"

"I don't have time for small talk." Snape didn't stop.

"But why can't we just use the floo next time?" Lupin persisted, now walking briskly alongside him. Merlin, but the man had a long stride.

"Maybe I don't like animals in my office." Was the snide response.

"But to come down here every time, with a full goblet of potion? And what in Circe's name have you been doing, Severus? You look-"

"Terrible, I know. You really do have a cyclical mind, Lupin. And my welfare is your concern how, exactly?"

Lupin stopped. "You're incorrigible, you know that? Is it so strange that someone is worried about you?"

Snape smirked, but did not reply.

Lost for words, Lupin stared after Snape as he stalked swiftly towards Hogwarts without so much as a backward glance.

"Well, if you won't do anything about it, I'll just have to go over your head, Snape." Lupin thought determinedly.

Dear Professor Dumbledore.

First, allow me to express my deepest gratitude for your renewed provision of Wolfsbane, especially after my shameful conduct during my stint as a teacher. I know it must have also been a difficult task convincing Severus to make it once more, so I am sincerely grateful to both you and him.

Now, as Severus is looking rather under the weather at the moment, I was wondering if it might not be a better idea for me to come directly to his office to receive my Wolfsbane? Walking out at night and in the cold can't be good for his already uncertain health. I don't know why Severus did not ask you himself about floo access… or perhaps he did? If there is a reason why I should not come onto school grounds, I would appreciate the courtesy of being told.

Respectfully,

Remus J. Lupin

He sent the letter off to Dumbledore that same evening, and the response came on the morrow.

Dear Remus,

I must confess myself somewhat at a loss regarding the contents of your letter. You see, I was unaware that you had started taking Wolfsbane again, or indeed, that it is due to my beneficence that such an occurrence is possible.

It would seem that Severus has been less than honest with you, for any Wolfsbane you have been receiving would seem to be due to his own actions. But I would not worry about him poisoning you. As I have said in the past, Severus Snape has my complete and utter trust… although I admit he has been surprising me of late.

And please, accept my most sincere apologies for not considering your situation before. As it seems Severus is happy to continue making the Wolfsbane for you, I will now take on the responsibility of paying for the ingredients.

Now, of course, I shall arrange for floo access between Grimmauld Place and Severus's chambers.

Sincerely,

Albus Dumbledore

"What in Merlin's name…?" Lupin was utterly thunderstruck, letting the scroll slip from his fingers as he stared off into space, thoughts dashing around his head at break-neck speed. He didn't bother to wonder how Dumbledore knew he had just moved into Grimmuald Place after being evicted from his own home… no, his thoughts were firmly fixed on Snape's inexplicable and uncharacteristically kind action. Was the world coming to an end, or was he going mad? To take the time out of his already busy schedule in order to make the complex potion, to pay for the expensive ingredients out of his own pocket, and then to go out of his way in giving Lupin the potion… and all the while hiding from Lupin the fact that he was doing it off his own back?

Lupin's thoughts were frazzled the entire day as he packed away his belongings into one of the back rooms and made lunch for Sirius. He barely noted his friend's attempts to make conversation, so concentrated were his reflections. He was constantly casting tempus as he waited impatiently for the evening so that he might catch Snape before his journey down to Hogsmeade.

Finally, at 7 o'clock, he scattered a handful of floo powder into the kitchen fireplace and crouched down to place his head in the neon green flames. "Severus Snape's chambers!"

The spinning feeling that followed wasn't nearly as bad as the sensation given by Apparition, but it still took Lupin a moment to regain control of his faculties. His vision was blurry for a moment, but when it cleared he instantly wished it would blur once more. For Snape was lying fast-asleep on a couch, wearing nothing but a pair of black trousers and a leather wand holster affixed to his forearm. Merlin's beard… Snape was going to utterly murder him.

But it was not that initial thought that caused Lupin to draw in a sharp breath. Because scrawny didn't even cover it… a concave belly under hollow ribs, and hip bones jutting out like blades. Even his toes were conspicuously bony. But despite his rather anorexic-looking frame, Snape possessed some quantity of hard muscle… he would have looked very much like a man forced to survive on a desert island, were it not for the near to vampiric pallor of his skin.

Unfortunately, Snape was the paranoid type, and had heard the gasp from the other side of the room. Leaping from his couch with a catlike spring, he withdrew his wand and warily scanned the room before his gaze fixed on the fire-place.

They stared at each other in silence for a moment before Snape spoke.

"And what… might you be doing in my fireplace, wolf?" he said in a deadly velvet. "Only two people have fire-call access, and you… are not one of them."

Then he paused, and with a growl, uttered. "Dumbledore."

Then, he looked down at his bare torso, and a faint flush appeared on his upper cheeks. "So, he thought nothing of my privacy by allowing you to force your way in here. But then, when it comes to favouring a Marauder's wishes over my own, I should expect no more."

Lupin now wished for nothing more than to pull his head out of the fireplace and escape the embarrassing situation. But, given what he'd already done, that would have been hardly fitting.

"Forgive me, Severus, but I asked him to arrange access… I didn't want you having to walk all the way down… you've been looking so tired-"

"So you decided to interrupt me while I was sleeping?" Snape shot him a vindictive glare as he hurriedly grabbed the white high-collared shirt that hung over the arm of the couch.

"I'm terribly sorry… I thought you'd be preparing to go by now."

"I was. By sleeping." Snape said peevishly, as he pulled the shirt on, beginning, Lupin noted, with the arm that bore the dark mark. "Anyway, since I assume Dumbledore's already unlocked the passage, you may as well come through. The Wolfsbane is in the laboratory."

Wondering why Snape gave in so easily, Lupin passed Snape a suspicious glance.

Snape rolled his eyes. "And no, wolf, I won't turn you into potion ingredients. Unfortunately, I think Dumbledore might have something to say about that."

Feeling relieved to be off the stone floor, Lupin hauled himself up, and, with another handful of floo dust, transported himself to Snape's chambers.

After seeing the shabby state of Snape's summer residence, Lupin's expectations of Snape's quarters couldn't have been more misguided. Instead of threadbare carpets and worn couches, the room spoke volumes of a moderate yet refined taste… in fact, it had a quite an original flair!

The furnishings were in shades of black and white, fashioned in a distinctly Victorian manner. In the style of a chaise lounge, the sofa was made of an ebony wood and cushioned in sable blackness, while the low table next to it was formed from cold jet marble and scattered with books and parchment. A white upholstered chair faced opposite the sofa, across from it was a charcoal ottoman lined with silver gilt, and, behind the sofa, an onyx black and steel kitchenette had been set up. The fireplace Lupin had stepped out of had a black interior and white fitting, while the mantlepiece was unexpectedly decorated with a variety of oddities, including one fine obsidian sculpture of a rearing hippogriff. As in the last house, bookshelves covered large swathes of the wall, but unlike the shelves of Spinner's End, these ones were not sagging and dusty, but decidedly solid looking, white, and completely backed with volumes. The floors were of a white stone, (they had obviously been skilfully transfigured), while the smooth granite walls typical of the dungeons were panelled with windows that looked into the blue-green depths of the Black Lake. Two doors were on the right side of the room, one doubtless leading off to the bedroom, and the other, in all probability, connected to Snape's lab. There were no flowers, as he'd imagined, and instead of alcohol, on the coffee table there was only water in the crystal jug.

"If you are quite finished your inspection..." Snape was still buttoning up his shirt, and seemed extremely antsy at having Lupin in his chambers.

'He probably doesn't get too many visitors.' Lupin surmised to himself, before looking with no small measure of wonder at Snape, who was steadfastly doing up each of the little buttons. "Why don't you just spell them closed?" Ventured Lupin.

"Because that would defeat the purpose of buttons." Was the irritable reply.

"Huh…" Lupin mulled that thought over. "Fair enough."

"Wolfsbane?" Snape dropped his fingers from his shirtsleeves and arched one dark eyebrow.

"Oh… yes." Lupin was suddenly recalled to the other purpose of his visit. "About that…"

Snape's shoulders tensed.

"Apparently, Dumbledore never told you to make Wolfsbane for me."

A vein in Snape's left temple twitched.

"No. He did not." He replied tonelessly. "The lab is this way." He moved to one of the doors on the left.

"So… whose idea was it to make me Wolfsbane?"

Snape stopped at the doorway. "I haven't been poisoning you, if that's what you were wondering. Though I doubt you will believe it."

'Cocksure misanthrope.' Lupin thought crossly.

"On the contrary, I think nothing of the kind. But I have to ask you… why, Severus?"

"Why… what?"

"Why did you do all this… making the Wolfsbane, contacting me, walking down to Hogsmeade…"

Snape turned away and swept through the doorway. Lupin followed him, still talking, and barely registering the surroundings of the potions laboratory.

"Why did you do it, all of it… on your own, and without telling anyone? What was in it for you?"

Snape marched over to a small cauldron and Lupin couldn't see the wizard's face when he said, "I did it, it's done, I am not poisoning you…. So what does it matter?" Saying so, he levitated a stream of Wolfsbane into a goblet, and passed it to Lupin, who smiled, both to Snape and to himself. The sad sod was so very obviously uncomfortable about admitting he had done it all out of pure generosity. For why else would he have gone to the trouble to conceal his actions?

Lupin took the potion, but did not drink, instead fixing his gaze firmly upon Snape, "You are dodging the question, but I understand. You've been giving me the Wolfsbane for free, spending hours of your own time working on it, and paying for the ingredients out of your own pocket..."

Snape's brows knit into a scowl and he hid behind a sheath of oily black hair, but not before Lupin caught what seemed to be a glimmer of shame in his eyes.

This git is utterly incredible. Lupin thought with an odd surge of fondness.

"And you didn't want me to know..."

For probably one of the few times in his life, Snape seemed utterly lost for words.

Lupin couldn't help it. He laughed.

"Merlin forbid that Severus Snape, poison-tongue Extraordinaire, should be capable of simple kindness."

Snape's scowl became even more pronounced.

"But you have my word, Severus, I won't breathe a single word of this utter… miracle." Although Lupin joked, he felt genuinely touched. To think that Snape had done all that just to help him… and hadn't told anyone about it either. He'd always believed Snape to be something of an arrogant braggart- one who surely would have enjoyed impressing upon Lupin the breadth of his magnanimity.

Lupin's laughter faded. "In all seriousness, I have… misjudged you, Severus."

Snape froze.

"Hardly." He bit down on the word as he uttered it.

"What do you mean?" Lupin smiled at him. Awkward Snape was a rather adorable sight.

Snape cleared his throat. "You have misjudged many things about me, Lupin. But there is one thing in which you have been utterly correct to believe. I am not kind. Never."

"Really? You can do better than that, Severus. I'm not buying it."

Snape huffed, inching his wand back and forth in its holster. "Think what you like. I am not kind. Now drink your bloody potion and get back in that fireplace. I have work to do."

"Yes." Lupin agreed blithely. "Sleeping."

Snape's expression turned thunderous, but Lupin laughed. "I meant it. You are looking rather ill, Severus."

"I am perfectly healthy."

"Are you kidding? I saw you just now… Severus, I don't mean to sound like a mother hen, but you are frighteningly skinny."

Snape flinched, and then rounded on Lupin, teeth drawn back in a snarl. "You should not have seen that!"

"What do you mean?" Lupin was alarmed. "But, you were just shirtless… I mean we're all men here. Why is it such a problem?"

Snape opened his mouth, then shut it.

"Unless…" Lupin tilted his head, scrutinising Snape. "Is that why you always wear all those layers? So people can't tell how thin you are?"

Snape's face was looking angrier by the second.

"Anyway." Lupin downed the potion, involuntarily pulling several grotesque faces. "Blegh. Anyway… just, eat something, please? For the Order's sake, if not your own."

"You are hardly one to lecture me on body weight, werewolf." Snape said smoothly, seeming to be trying to pull himself together.

Lupin sighed. Snape really was terribly underweight, but he had a point. For all his concern, Lupin knew had no right to advise Snape on health matters. But then, who did? Who else would pay attention to the man's well-being? 'Dumbledore.' Lupin decided. 'He seems like the only one Snape is even slightly close to.'

"Very well. I… just… thank you. Truly. What you have done for me is indescribable… especially after our history…"

"Understand this." Snape said quickly. "I loathe you, utterly and entirely. Nothing has changed. Nothing."

"If you say so." Lupin shrugged, grinning broadly. "I'll see myself out, then, shall I?"

"Please do so. Immediately."

October 3, 1995

Severus Snape

Snape continued to stare into the fireplace long after the green flames had died down to into orange.

What an utterly unpleasant experience. He was tired… so tired. He had just shut his eyes for a moment, and then life had to go and give him yet another left hook.

Damn Dumbledore, and damn Lupin.

There was a reason only Dumbledore and Lucius could fire-call him, and he had made it quite clear to them both that they were only allowed to contact him on weekends. Yet Dumbledore went and invited the bloody werewolf to lope around Snape's chambers, without even consulting him!

And then… Snape miserably flopped onto the sofa and sank his head in his hands. And thenLupin started babbling nonsense about Snape being kind to him! Intellectually, Snape knew it was quite a convenient assumption; he ought to have been pleased. Lupin thought like a pathetic Gryffindor, while Snape behaved like an upstanding Slytherin… that was just as it should be. Yet instead of being pleased, all Severus could feel was shame. Because he hadn't cared about Lupin's werewolf problem. He still didn'tcare about it. He didn't care if Lupin bled and howled all night, he didn't care how frightening it was for Lupin to lose his mind. He prided himself on not caring, believing that it was what the werewolf deserved. He had just been using Lupin… completely and utterly using him to further his own ends. And so what? He hated Lupin. He always had.

But then Lupin had to go ahead and just assume that Snape was doing in out of an emotion he did not have. No deep-set suspicions or probing questions… the wolf saw goodness where there was none to be found.

Good. Excellent. His plans were proceeding nicely.

But still he felt shame.

How could Dumbledore have done that to him?

But then, it was quite obvious that if Lupin had to ask the Headmaster about unlocking the floo, he would also have told him about the Wolfsbane. Perhaps it had been this further clandestine action on Snape's part that prompted Dumbledore to take revenge by unlocking the floo to Lupin.

Regardless, it was a decidedly low thing for Dumbledore to do to him, after all his years of loyal service. Snape would certainly have it out with the old man.

And he didn't waste any time about it.

"How could you do that to me?" he demanded upon bursting into the Headmaster's office.

"Ah, good evening to you too, Severus." Dumbledore beamed blithely at him. "Would you care for some tea? Biscuits? A lemon drop?"

"Drop the charade, old man." Snape fumed, swirling his cloak out of the doorway before shutting it harshly. "Why did you give that werewolf floo passage to my private chambers?"

"Well, my dear boy, I assumed since you were already being kind enough to provide Remus with Wolfsbane, free of charge, you had established a relationship of sufficient closeness to warrant his access." Dumbledore's eyes twinkled teasingly

There was that bloody word again. But at least Dumbledore knew that Severus Snape was incapable of kindness.

"Oh, I'm sure you think this is quite a big joke." He huffed, settling himself down on a chair in the corner of the room. "I assure you, I myself found it utterly amusing."

"If only you did, my boy." Dumbledore peered over his glasses at him. "I'm afraid you and I have different senses of humour. In fact, there are many ways in which we do not understand each other. Miscommunication can often have grave consequences, especially in times of war."

Snape glared back at him. Did the man always have to speak in riddles? "If you have something to say, Headmaster, I suggest you say it."

All humour faded from Dumbledore's eyes as he said, "My boy, what exactly are you planning? Telling Kingsley about your charmwork, making Wolfsbane for Lupin… surely you are occupied enough with your role as spy?"

"Oh, yes, and it's going absolutely marvellous, isn't it?" Snape dug his finger nails into his palm. "All I can do is report the happenings in the Death Eater camp, while no one has any intention of actually heeding my warnings or making use of my insight."

"I don't understand you, Severus. What has that to do with your odd behaviour?"

Their eyes met, and for a moment, Snape thought the Headmaster might Legilimize him. Well, let him try. "I want to win the war, Professor. I want the Dark Lord to…" Suffer. "Fail. That is all."

Dumbledore was unsatisfied, Snape could see it, but he said no more on the matter. Instead, he waved a hand over his teapot to heat it up, saying.

"Well then, since you are here, Severus, you may as well stay. We haven't been able to have a chat for a while."

Snape looked wary. "What did you want to chat about?"

Dumbledore handed him a cup of tea, shooting him a stern, but faintly concerned look. "You've been neglecting your health, Severus. Again. And this time quite badly."

Snape took a sip of the tea, feeling his limbs start to relax. Let the Headmaster harry him if he wanted to. He, at least had the right to bother him about it, as his employer and sometime friend.

"I am fine, Headmaster. Just… busy."

"You aren't sleeping or eating, my boy."

"I never eat or sleep."

"Severus… whatever you are doing to yourself, it will soon begin to affect your ability to run your classes. I warrant you are already taking Pepper-up potions to stay alert while teaching, am I not right?"

"No, indeed, not. I'm taking something of a far more sophisticated calibre."

"Ah, a more potent invention of your own, then?" Dumbledore smiled. "Dear boy, I cannot allow this situation to continue. You are extremely valuable to the war effort, and as a highly qualified teacher. You keeling over in class is not acceptable."

"I would imagine the students would disagree with you there." Snape crooked an eyebrow at him.

Dumbledore laughed a bit ruefully. "Yes, they would enjoy that, would they not? Except your snakes of course."

"Of course."

"In any case, have I your word that you will better attend to your health?"

"I…" Snape sighed. He really had been spending far too much of his energy on unlocking the secrets of the Imperious curse… but how could he stop when every moment he spent on it drew him closer and closer to success? It was for such endeavours that he was born, not to tutor grubby little hellions in studies they would never comprehend. Yes, he wasn't sleeping, and yes, he was too tired to eat properly, but he usually only got a few hours a sleep a night in any case, and people always said he ate like a bird. "I'll do better." He said at last, his voice heavy with insincerity.

Dumbledore sighed. "Very well. I hope you mean it, Severus. Now, drink your tea." And then he looked at Snape with such care that for a moment, Snape's stony heart warmed. The he shut his eyes. Who was he kidding? Dumbledore didn't care. Not really.

Just two quick notes and one 'dedication'.

In case you haven't noticed, I've altered my manner of formatting the POV headlines, changing it from the somewhat inelegant 'Snape's POV' or 'Harry's POV' to simply 'Severus Snape' or 'Harry Potter'.

Below each POV I have also put a date, so both myself and you reader can keep track of where we are in the story.

All those who have reviewed my fanfic have my most sincere appreciation, but I want to issue an especial thank you to plutoplex and Shattenjagd. The constantly detailed and thoughtful reviews they have put to nearly every one of my chapters have been extremely encouraging and more than a little useful.

So, plutoplex, this chapter is for you! (Can you figure out why? :p)

~Crimson