For Ash – I hope I met your expectations :D
Warnings: Mentions of child abuse
Enjoy reading!
Nightly Discussions
A cloud covered the moon outside, oddly mirroring the happenings inside the castle.
James Potter stumbled through the corridors, wand still in hand. He didn't know what to think. His mind was a mess, thoughts jumping in and out of it at such a rapid speed that it made him dizzy.
What just happened? How did it happen? How had he not seen it coming? He should have seen this coming! He would have seen this coming if he had not been so self-absorbed and had actually paid attention to his friend. He hadn't even noticed Peter meeting with those people; could he really call himself a friend? A friend would be there to help whenever the other got into trouble, whatever kind of help that was. He had not been there. He hadn't even noticed that said trouble existed!
He raised a hand to run through his hair, a nervous habit he had not yet gotten rid of, and saw that it was trembling madly. Stopping in front of a window, he looked down to his other hand, hanging at his side, his wand still clutched in it. Steam was coming out of its tip, the occasional red and yellow spark accompanying it.
Hurriedly, James moved to put the wand back into his robes, but froze at the last second. No. No, he couldn't put his only measure of defence away. He didn't know whether Peter had followed those two cloaked figures and had told them all about what had happened. For all he knew they could be lurking behind the next corner, waiting for him to be distracted, and ambush him.
He whirled around and stared down the dark corridor.
He wasn't safe. Nobody was safe anymore. He was relatively sure that Peter himself wouldn't raise his wand at him, but having just witnessed the madness in his eyes...James' jaw clenched as he admitted to himself that he didn't know Peter anymore. Maybe he never really had known him. He was reluctant to think about that possibility, but he was calm enough to see that it was exactly that – a possibility. Yet, he hoped that he was wrong. He wanted to believe that the friendship they had shared had been real. It had felt real, and James had always been one to trust his gut feeling.
He had been right when everyone had told him Sirius Black was not to be trusted, that his entire family was filled with dark witches and wizards – he had known that Sirius was different. He had been right whenever someone had told him that he should just give up on Lily, that she hated him, and that he would never be good enough – he had persevered and now he was thinking of proposing to her.
This gut feeling told him that Peter had been a real friend. Somewhere along the way something must have happened. Something horrible must have taken place for Peter to throw away his beliefs and join the ranks of murderers. Maybe they really knew something they used to blackmail him into doing their bidding? Maybe he wasn't acting out of his own free will?
James sighed sadly and turned to look out the window. No, he thought dejectedly. His gut feeling was never wrong. Peter really believed what he had chosen his way just now. He really believed he was making a sacrifice and was on the right side of the war. He really, truly believed that killing Muggles and Muggleborns, kidnapping people and torturing them was right!
A shudder went through him, filling his veins with ice as a dark thought entered his mind. Had Peter participated in those actions? Had he been there when the Death Eaters were torturing Muggles? Had Peter joined the torturing?
His throat closed off as he felt his heart break even further. He needed to get a clear head, and he needed to tell the others. They needed to know what just happened, that Peter couldn't be trusted anymore!
He turned around and hurried down the hallway, determined to get to the common room as soon as possible. Arriving at the corner, he slowed down, took a deep breath and whirled around it, wand pointing into the empty hallway. Adrenalin was pumping through his veins, keeping him from thinking he was being ridiculous. This wasn't ridiculous. This was dead serious and he couldn't be cautious enough. There were Death Eaters inside the castle, and nobody knew who was hiding behind those hideous masks. Nobody but he even knew that there were people running around with masks on! Did Dumbledore know? He would have to tell him very soon.
Briskly, he walked down the next few corridors, turning corners, wand firmly in his fist, and pointing down the way he needed to go.
As he turned yet another corner that would take him to the Grand Staircase, he heard muffled whispers. He froze immediately, muscles tensing as he strained his ears to determine where the noise was coming from. Was Peter not the only one having nightly meetings with Voldemort's followers? Slowly, his head turned to the left side of the corridor, leading the way back to the Charms classroom and away from the staircase.
James took a deep breath and crept closer, wand drawn and his Lumos spell cancelled. He didn't want anyone to see him before he wanted them to see him. He had been roaming the halls of Hogwarts for a few hours now, so he was fine with the sparse moonlight the clouds allowed into the castle.
"Be quiet, Micheal," a girl giggled. James groaned loudly as he came to a stop in front of the broom closet the whispers were coming from.
With a quick twitch of his wand, the door swung open, revealing two scarcely clad students with mussed up hair and horror-widened eyes. James crossed his arms in front of his chest and tried not to get too annoyed. Death Eaters were roaming the castle's corridors and those two thought it would be the perfect timing to get some snogging in.
"Move it," he waved his wand and sent the couple's clothes flying into their faces.
As the two hurriedly started to get dressed, James' left hand reached up and massaged the bridge of his nose. His brain was having trouble comprehending all the things happening that night. It felt as if it had been last week that he had started his rounds, leaving Lily sitting at the fireplace with a quick kiss on the top of her head.
The two seemingly fifth year students scrambled past him, ties flying behind them. He didn't feel like yelling after them or dumping a whole load of detentions on their heads. He just wanted to get out of there and back to the safety of the warm common room.
He kicked the closet door shut, and strode into the opposite direction than the students had run into. He hurried up the moving stairs, down hallways and through secret passage ways before he came to a stop in front of the Fat Lady.
James sighed and tapped his foot impatiently as he waited for the fake snoring of the portrait to stop. The Fat Lady yawned loudly and stretched her arms towards her sides. "You have woken me up, young man."
James rolled his eyes, being very well acquainted with her antics for some time now. "Shepherd's Pie", the Head Boy said without reacting to the Fat Lady's obnoxious behaviour.
The portrait narrowed her eyes and glared at the black-haired boy, clearly annoyed at being brushed off. Without deeming him a response, she huffed and swung open.
Warm light shone into the corridor as he climbed through the portrait hole into the nearly empty common room. The students had all gone to bed, except for a small group of seventh years gathered in front of the fireplace. They were huddled on the couch as well as the chairs, conversing softly.
"James!" Lily frowned slightly as she saw her boyfriend climb into the warmth of the common room. "Why are you back already? You left only three hours ago."
James sighed tiredly and shuffled over to his friends. He motioned Remus to scoot over before he let himself fall into the soft cushions of the sofa, Lily's hands immediately reaching for his. "I didn't complete the rounds," he said, and took off his glasses to rub his tired eyes.
"You didn't..." Lily's eyes searched his face for any signs that might tell her what was going on. "What happened?"
James put his glasses back on and looked at her before turning his gaze to the other two occupants of the room.
Sirius was lounging in the cushioned chair closest to the fire. His shiny black hair framed his handsome face in an elegantly dishevelled way that a lot of guys were jealous of. His overall appearance gave off the air of total relaxation, but his grey eyes were sharp and alert as they were fixed on his best friend.
Remus, having switched to the other chair to give James his spot next to Lily, looked more confused than anything else. His light brown hair was neatly combed, he even still had his tie wrapped around his neck, as he slowly put down the book he and Lily had looked at before James had come back. "What is it, James?"
The Head Boy scratched his neck, not really knowing where and how to begin.
"It's Peter."
His friends blinked, confused. "What do you mean?"
James looked at Remus and took a deep breath. "I guess I'll just start at the beginning," he let go of Lily's hand and leaned forward, elbows resting on his knees. "I was doing my rounds when I heard voices from one of the corridors up ahead. Well, I only really noticed them when I was already standing in that corridor," he added quietly, and ignored the amused snort coming from Sirius' direction.
"There were three figures talking to each other, so I hid behind a set of armour, so I could make sure no one was in trouble."
"Of course that was your intention," Remus smirked, but shut up as soon as James' glare hit him.
"As I said, there were three figures," James continued, pushing both hands through his hair and gripping it, holding his head in a bowed, somewhat defeated position. "It was Peter and two guys in black cloaks. They had their hoods up, so I couldn't make out who they were, but they weren't just chatting with Peter."
He shook his head and sat back up. "One of them sent a non-verbal curse Peter's way that had him collapse and cry out in pain. They kept going on about Peter having orders he failed to follow and that he should try harder to please him. I didn't know what they were talking about, but I also didn't want to jump out and ask as the whole scene had a bad taste to it. So I waited until they left and hurried over to Peter to see whether he was alright.
"He said he was fine, that nothing had really happened, which was obviously a lie. Those two hooded figures had been cursing him, so I thought that maybe he's in some sort of trouble... And I guess he really is. When I asked him how I could help he... changed."
James frowned and looked at his hands, not really knowing how to describe the feeling that had flooded him as he had seen Peter's cold, mad eyes stare back at him.
"What do you mean – he changed?" Remus asked, as he sat rod-straight in his chair, not daring to move. The others just continued to watch James struggle with himself, not wanting to interrupt the inner war he was currently fighting.
"He... he started talking about how Sirius and I could help him," James gestured to the other boy, whose eyebrows shot up almost instantly. "How we could become more than we are and use our family's names as a way to lead the wizarding world to glory."
His dark eyebrows drew together, as he looked at Sirius. "He said that the Purebloods should do what is right and join the ranks of Voldemort."
Shocked silence followed the statement as the friends stared at James, eyes wide and mouths hanging open.
"He said what?" Lily's quiet voice broke the silence.
James hated to see her like this – insecure, scared and betrayed. All he wanted for her was happiness without having to constantly look over her own shoulder, having to fear that yet another friend decided to turn against what and who she was.
Voldemort had already taken her formerly best friend from her, and no matter how much he despised Severus Snape, he couldn't help but hate the dark wizard for taking away her childhood friend. But apparently, Voldemort hadn't stopped there – ripping apart one friendship hadn't been enough. However, he had done so, he had managed to get Peter to exploit their friendship and join his ranks of murderers.
A sigh escaped James as he nodded. He looked into Lily's sad eyes and saw not only fear for herself but fear for their future shining in their depths. She had understood what this new development meant. They couldn't trust anyone anymore. They didn't know who would betray them next, they didn't know who might want to destroy their lives at the next corner.
Lily was a Muggleborn, unworthy of magic according to the supremacists, and James was a blood traitor, a Pureblood who had chosen to be together with an impure person. But not only that – James was the sole heir of one of the oldest Pureblood lines in the wizarding world. Having him and the power of his name on their side would help the Death Eaters a great deal. No, they weren't safe anymore. They would both be on Voldemort's hit list if their names weren't on there already.
"Wait a second," Remus looked at James, who was holding onto Lily's hand again, giving her strength that he himself wasn't feeling. "He said that you guys should join Who-Know-Who?" Remus frowned, too confused to understand what his friend had just told them.
It didn't make sense. Nothing of what was being said made sense. Peter was... well, he was Peter! Shy, insecure, sweet little Peter who loved playing pranks on Slytherins, and sneaked into the kitchens after curfew to get hot chocolate and cookies. It was impossible that Peter...
"I was there, Remus," James said patiently, as the werewolf had voiced his doubts. "He really said those things, even after being hurt by his Death Eater friends for not following Voldemort's orders."
Remus shook his head, clearly having difficulties to comprehend what was being said. "Maybe he was under the Imperius Curse? I mean, maybe it wasn't truly him speaking but –"
"Remus, I saw Peter say those things. It wasn't the Imperius Curse. He really believed what he was saying. There was this manic gleam in his eyes as he went on and on about the right cause and how he would make the world a better place. Wouldn't you think if he had been cursed, the caster would have made it less obvious that he was trying to recruit me?
"He literally switched between moods so rapidly, it was making me dizzy! He was embarrassed at first for having me find him crumpled on the floor, caught off guard for having been seen conversing with Death Eaters. Then he got into a sort of manic trance gushing about good old Voldy and his goons, about all the good stuff they were doing and how they were leading the wizarding community to its former glory. When he noticed that he couldn't get me to buy his shit, he slumped in on himself, mumbling something about how he would be punished for not succeeding.
"He let me go, Moony. He just stood there and looked at his feet, being all sad, as I turned around and left him to his own demise. Someone under the Imperius Curse would have acted a whole lot differently, don't you think? No, Peter really believed what he said. He really believes that joining the ranks of Voldemort's Death Eaters, ridding the world of Muggles and Muggleborns, is the right and only way to go. He chose his side."
Nobody knew what to say after that rant. It was hard to believe that sweet Peter had gone the way everyone had sworn off of. He had not only chosen a future of constant pain and fear, but had thus also communicated that killing of Muggleborns like Lily or half-bloods and magical creatures like Remus was okay, that it was right. That he thought that all of those slaughtered Muggles stripped to their underwear dangling off their ceilings or nearby trees, all those kidnapped children of powerful members of society... that all those actions were justifiable for the cause.
Peter actually believed and wanted to follow a murderer, a kidnapper, a torturer, and no one would be surprised if Voldemort went around raping his female followers as well. They would probably feel honoured to have their bodies used like that.
The group of seventeen year old students felt sick to the stomach. Lily's breathing was shallow as she stared into the flames and desperately held onto her boyfriend's hand with both of hers. She wouldn't let him leave her tonight. She didn't care if she had to sleep in the boys' dorm or on the couch she was currently perching on. She didn't want to be alone tonight, her mind haunting her with images of a smiling Peter.
Sirius had yet to say anything during the discussion they were having. He was still lounging in his chair, one leg dangling off an arm rest, his bright eyes following James' every move. They hadn't left their subject of interest ever since he had stumbled through the portrait hole an hour ago. On the outside, he looked oddly calm, in total control of himself, his features portraying a tranquility that he did not feel.
After what felt like a long time, a loud curse shattered the silence. "Bullshit!"
The other three jumped as Sirius catapulted himself off his chair and crossed his arms in front of his chest as he scrutinised his friends. "That's complete and utter bullshit!"
"Mate," James frowned at his brother in everything but blood. His grey eyes were gleaming with something he couldn't quite define.
"That's not our friend. Our Peter wouldn't do something like that," Sirius tried his best to keep his voice strong and determined, but failed miserably. He clenched his teeth and forced himself to stay calm. "Our friend would never betray us like that. To think that he actually assumed both you and I would join?" He gestured to James, hands trembling.
"Completely ridiculous. He must've lost his mind! He was there when I told you guys how it was back home," he scoffed at the last word, ridiculing its meaning. "Granted, I didn't tell him everything, but he knows enough. For him to actually believe that trying to get us to see his side of the medallion is so insane, it can't be our Pete anymore. It just can't be."
Sirius pushed his hand through his long hair, a gesture he had started to develop after getting to know James. "To... to actually think that what they are doing, what he is doing is the right thing..."
He shook his head, his voice growing quieter as his eyes jumped restlessly from his friends, who were all watching him worriedly, to the carpet, and back again. "What he says with that behaviour is that he agrees with my parents – with their way of seeing the world. Slaughtering Muggles? Totally fine. Kidnapping Muggleborns? Yeah, why not? Casting the Cruciatus Curse on your own children to get them to shut up at the dinner table?"
Lily gasped, her free hand jumped up to cover her mouth. James squeezed the one he was holding, keeping a close eye on his friend, who was slowly losing control of his emotions.
"Entirely acceptable and the most reasonable thing to do." Sirius shrugged as he aggressively wiped a lone tear away that was slowly making its way down his pale cheek. "He was there when you found the scars," he gestured to James. "He was there when you found the bruises at the beginning of every term," a trembling hand pointed to Remus, who looked at his friend with so much pain in his eyes that Lily had to bite her lip in order to keep from crying.
"He was there for every little conversation you guys forced onto me. He was there to see what the people that called themselves my parents had done to me, he knew what they had done to Regulus! For him to just look over everything, to accept and support it... no, that's not a friend. He is no better than the ones that the Order throws into Azkaban. He's no better than the ones behind those skull masks that dress up to play 'Torture And Kill.'"
Nobody knew what to reply to that outburst of emotions. James had known everything and more of what his friend had just thrown their way. Sirius had told him every single detail of his home life when he had knocked on his door during the last summer break. It had been a very draining and exhausting afternoon that had ended with James hurrying into the kitchen and hugging his parents, telling them how much he appreciated everything they had done for him and how much he loved them.
The Potters had only needed one glance at their distraught son in order to understand what had happened. Without any questions or inquiries, his father had marched up the stairs and straight into his son's room. He had motioned the tired Sirius to follow him downstairs, where Mrs Potter had pulled him into a hug so tight and full of love that Sirius had broken down once again. He hadn't known he had had enough tears left to spend, but as they had kept falling, his body wracked with sobs, he had had to admit that he was more broken than he had originally thought.
Thinking back to that day now, James stood up, walked over to where his brother was twitching nervously, and pulled him into a tight hug. He needed him to know that the terrors of his childhood lay in the past, that he now had a home he could feel safe and loved in, that he now had people who would leave everything behind just to make sure that he was alright. He needed him to know, and as Sirius' arms wrapped around his back just as tightly, he knew that his brother had understood. It was a hug so raw that James could very nearly hear the deep and honest Thank You that it conveyed.
"We will make sure that stuff like that will stop in the future," Lily's determined voice travelled through the silent room.
Remus looked from his two best friends to the only other person outside his little chosen family that had accepted him for what he was. Her green eyes were filled with unshed tears, her rosy cheeks wet from crying softly for Sirius still halfway wrapped in James' hug. A hopeful, yet sad smile tugged at the corners of his mouth as he understood what she was saying.
"We will make sure that children won't have to feel anxious when the holidays start. We will make sure that Muggleborns will be able to walk through dark alleyways without having to fear for an ambush. We will make sure that cursed people will get jobs just like everybody else, without being shunned for something that's out of their control. We will make sure that people like Bellatrix, Lucius, or Peter," her voice broke off as she said the name of her former friend, "won't be able to hurt anyone anymore."
Her eyes sparkled with new determination as she blinked the last tears away. They fell onto her cheeks, but she didn't spare them a second thought.
"We will make this world a better place not just for us but for everyone and every generation that is yet to come! And we will fight Voldemort! We will fight his Death Eaters and we will fight for what is right! The Order of the Phoenix is an organisation that Dumbledore founded seven years ago to do just that. I know it'll be dangerous and I know it won't be easy, but it will be necessary to keep people like Peter from ripping families apart and ending lives."
She looked from a now grinning Remus to the other two boys still standing next to each other in front of the fireplace.
Sirius' eyes were wide, his mouth gaping as he looked at her as if she had grown a new set of eyebrows in the middle of her forehead. He was filled with awe and a little bit of fear as he stared at this wonderful and talented witch, looking at him with such determination and love that he didn't know what to do with himself.
Yes, he thought, feeling James slowly detaching himself from him. Yes, we will do all of that and so much more!
"Lils," James shook his head, and slowly walked to the couch, where he fell onto his knees in front of his girlfriend. "You are truly incredible and I love you for that!"
Sirius' bark of laughter broke the intense emotional tension in the room as Lily's eyes widened impossibly. Remus facepalmed himself, shaking his head and snickering into his hand to muffle the sound.
Her red lips opened and closed as she blinked owlishly at the now furiously blushing James still kneeling in front of her. "You..."
"Smooth, Prongsy. Very smooth." James couldn't even make himself to glare at Sirius. His heart was pounding erratically in his chest, and he felt lightheaded. All he could do was sit there and hope in the name of Merlin himself that this wonderful, beautiful, intelligent and scary woman would not laugh at him, slap him, call him an idiot, and leave his life for good.
"I love you too," Lily didn't care anymore. The tears were now openly streaming down her face, happy sobs escaping her lips. James couldn't comprehend what was happening until she threw herself into his arms and started to kiss his neck, cheek, hair, and ruin his impeccable white button-down with her mascara-soiled tears.
Black, wet patches covered the collar region of his shirt as Lily pulled out of his arms. He blinked at the now beet-red and grinning girl in front of him, and his brain started to catch up.
"Wait," he said slowly, pointing at his dream girl and raising his eyebrows. "You love me?"
A wet laugh erupted from Lily, filling the room with so much light that James had to swallow to not burst into tears as well. "You sweet, sweet idiot," she smiled softly, and cradled his cheeks in her palms. "Yes. Yes, I love you, James. I love you, I love you, I love you!"
Her grinning lips crashed onto his, kissing him with so much love and happiness that he nearly passed out.
"And that is what we are fighting for," Remus exclaimed happily, as Lily let go as James, leaving him slightly dazed. "That right there! It is so important that we don't lose sight of what really matters. Sure, we may have lost a friend today because I honestly prefer thinking he's been killed by Death Eaters than even considering that he's joined them. But the fact that even in times like these love is still so powerful that it can chase away everything negative happening is truly amazing and something that we have to hold onto."
Sirius' smile turned pensive, his eyes taking on a look people weren't used from him. "Remus is right," he said after a while of quiet contemplation. "Yeah, Peter is gone. To be honest, I have no idea how I will react once he dares to set a foot into our dorm room. For the record, I don't want any of you dolts to take away my wand as a precaution. I'd rather get a life worth of detention for hexing one of Baldy's shoe lickers than just stand there and glare at him until he bursts out crying."
James snickered but stopped immediately as Lily hit him in the arm. Seeing this exchange, Sirius smirked widely.
"And now, seeing Prongs being henpecked is something that I would never have thought to be so enjoyable."
"Prick."
"But apart from all that," Sirius' smile vanished, and a serious and dark expression took its place. "We will do everything in our power to make sure that the world will be a better place. That journey will be without Wormtail, but we will still have each other. You guys are my family and I will do everything that I can to protect that.
"And," he turned to the couple sitting on the couch, "I want to be little Prongslet's Godfather, or so help me Merlin!"
Ahhh, it was so much fun writing this! I might add a few other chapters to this story, so stay put :D
Until next time - see ya!