When he got there he said hello to Geordi.
"Hey Wes." he said.
"Hey Geordi. So, what do you have for me today?" he asked.
Geordi looked at him and saw red eyes.
"Come help me with something I just invented. You're gonna love it." he said smiling and pretending he didn't see his eyes.
Then he showed him an advanced part of a warp.
Wesley looked at it closely.
"I think this is gonna work." he said.
"Let's give it a shot then."
So he typed in what he needed and hit the button.
Then it worked.
They smiled and gave each other high five.
Throughout the week Wesley felt a little better being back on the Enterprise and not the Titan. He was back home and with old friends, his mentor/father figure and not seeing the memory.
Picard had been looking after him and like a father to him since he first got there years ago.
He talked to Beverly and Riker a few days ago telling her that Wesley was doing a little better.
Like Riker would do, he's keeping them posted.
Wesley was at Ten Forward having lunch thinking.
'Maybe all I needed to do was get back on the Enterprise. I haven't cut myself in two days since I got here with my family but still cry everyday.' he thought.
Then he sighed and covered his face.
He started to see what he did there from the age of 15 to the day he left. All the fun he had there, the friends he made, the time he saved them, when he was an ensign, his next promotion, everything. Then he thought about all the things he did when he was at the Academy. The day he met them all, the attention he got from people after being raised on the Enterprise and getting promoted twice, when he started dating Josh, their first kiss then he got to the day he lost Josh. He felt a gulp in his throat and his eyes watering a little.
Then he took a shaky breath and tried to fight them and his throat.
"Hello Wesley." Data said causing him to jump and fall off his seat.
"Ow!" he said and rubbed the back of his head.
Then he got up and sat down.
"Hi Data." he said in a shaky voice.
"Are you alright?"
He nodded unable to say anything.
"Alright, I just want to say hello."
He nodded and then saw it was time for him to go on the bridge.
So he got up and headed to the bridge.
He was still having a little trouble fighting tears.
'You can let it out after this and then you have a three hours break before your shift. Then you can let it out and cut yourself.' he thought.
When he got to the bridge he just nodded and headed to his seat.
"Lieutenant Crusher, warp 18." Picard said.
All he did was nod knowing that if he said anything his voice would be shaky and horse.
"Engage."
So he hit the button and continued doing as told.
When he was done he headed to his quarters and sat down on the ground as usual with a razor in hand, normal shirt on and tears coming down.
Then he started to get himself and wince but happy to do it at the same time.
He got his left arm on a new one causing it to open a little. Tears were coming down causing him to have trouble seeing.
Half an hour later he was laying on the ground with blood everywhere. His arms were both bleeding. He felt good after doing that.
Then he slowly sat up dizzy from losing so much blood.
Then he slowly stood up and everything was spinning around him. He held onto his bed to catch his balance.
Then he sat down and sighed while he looked at his arms and smiled.
"That feels good." he said.
Two hours later he was getting ready for his shift. He was still sore and a little dizzy but not as bad.
When he got to the engineering Geordi looked up and smiled.
'His eyes aren't that red this time. But he's really pale.' he thought.
"Hey Geordi." Wesley said.
"Hey Wes. Ready?"
He nodded.
While he was at work he would wince for a second after hitting his cuts by accident. He was still dizzy and saw things moving a little but not as bad.
Geordi would watch him wince, hiss and lose his balance.
'I'm gonna talk to Captain after his shift.' he thought.
Finally Wesley was done and in bed.
He groaned from pain, exhaustion and everything else.
Back with Geordi,
"Captain?" he said when he was on the bridge.
"Yes?" Picard said.
"Can we talk about Wesley for a second?"
Picard didn't like the sound of this so nodded, stood up and headed to his quarters.
"Number One you're in charge."
When they got to his quarters they sat down.
"Well?" Picard asked.
"He's so pale it's not even funny. He looked exhausted as usual and saw him wince and rub parts of his arms. He has to be cutting himself again."
Picard nodded.
"Thank you Lieutenant."
He nodded.
Then they split up. Geordi headed back to the engineering.
Back with Wesley,
He laid there trying to stay awake but lost the battle and was asleep.
While he slept he tossed and turned, seeing what happened and crying.
A few minutes later he woke up panting and sweating again. His eyes wet and trying to calm down. It had been the first time in a week since he saw that day. He was more calm after it on the Enterprise then the Titan.
Then he shook his head and focused on Josh then was gone.
"Josh?" he said and saw him.
"Hey Wes. You ok?" Josh asked.
"I saw what happened years ago while I was asleep after my shift. I've been a little better now that I'm back on the Enterprise but still crying and cutting myself. I did it yesterday. I don't know what caused me to start doing it."
"I don't know either, but you have to stop."
Josh gave him a hug.
"Like I said, I'll always be with you. Find someone for you."
Wesley was crying now and held him close.
"I can't do it."
"Yes you can."
Then Josh gave him a kiss and Wesley kissed back.
"There are plenty of people for you out there."
Wesley nodded and then said goodbye and was gone.
When he was back his eyes were watering and felt tears coming down.