I hope you all had a wonderful holiday season! I know I did! I got my own laptop, so now I will be able to write more consistently. Anyway, thanks for reviewing, I love hearing what you think about my writing. Enjoy the chapter!
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox
(Katniss's POV)
I am close to hyperventilating as I dial in the number to call May's phone. After to rings pass by I am hyperventilating. I sweet voice in my ear has the same effect on my body at the moment as a tranquilizer might .
"Hello?" She says through the phone.
"May! Where the hell are you! I'm sorry but do you realize what time it is!" I yell, instantly feeling shameful for being cross with her.
"Oh My God! I'm sooooooo sorry mom! I-I hadn't even realized! I'll be home right away I swear.!" I feel she is about to hang up when I hear, "Please don't take away my phone!", and I can't help but chuckle at my daughter's concerns. Once I return to the living room, I remember that I have most likely been driving Johanna crazy all day. She sits awkwardly on the couch, and when she sees me she rises slowly, as if she she is unsure if I am stable or not.
"I'm really sorry Jo. I feel bad that I drove you crazy all day."
"No problem...brainless." This is the first time I have smiled at her nickname for me. I entrap her in my embrace for a while until she pulls away and states she should probably get home to Althea in 7. I nod sadly and give her hand a squeeze as she exits swiftly through the door. Now I am left alone with just my thoughts. Oh wait, Johanna said Brogan was upstairs. I feel I need to talk to him, and I fear he may feel neglected with nearly all my thoughts on his sister. I climb the steps quickly and when I reach his door I surprisingly hesitate. But only for a second. I quietly open his door but he fails to notice me right away, his attention locked on the book he is reading. I decide she emphasize steps toward him in order to not scare him and that seems to bring him back to reality.
"Oh hey mom... how is your head?" Brogan asks me politely but clearly unconcerned.
"Fine thank you. Brogan, I wanted to talk to you."
"Why would you want to talk to me? Clearly May is more important." My suspicions of neglectful feelings are confirmed with that one statement. Guilt swallows me as I remember how much even a few days of neglect from a parent can really hurt a child for life, as they did between my mother and I. I try to shake off the comment by continuing the conversation.
"Brogan, I'm really sorry...", I start. "I was being selfish, and with your father gone...I understand it's no excuse but I was hoping that maybe tomorrow, when you get home from school, we could go somewhere, just us." This has the desired effect as his face instantly brightens at the idea.
"What about May?" He asks, clearly still doubtful of me.
"Your sister's a big girl, I;m sure she can handle herself for an afternoon." His smile grows bigger, making me laugh.
"But where will we go?"
"You choose Brogan. I'll let you think about it while I make dinner, oh and sorry it's so late." He shrugs off the end of my statement, lost in his thoughts of where to go tomorrow afternoon. I exit his room and smile on my way downstairs, just in time to see my daughter walk through the door.
"Care to tell me where you have been?" I ask, trying my best to sound firm, something me or Peeta are very good at when it comes to our kids.
"Exactly where I said I would be..." She fibs. I decide the let it slide. I really don't want an argument when I am in a pretty good mood from talking to Brogan.
"Whatever, wash up for dinner." May makes minimal effort to hide her relief. She skips away to the bathroom, and I soon hear the water running from the sink. I reach to a high shelf and grab the spices needed to make the sauce for spaghetti. The meat of the deer my kids don't know I killed sizzles in the pan, and the aroma makes my mouth water.
"Mom..." I hear May say in a small squeaky voice behind me. I turn around, and am met with the blue, tear filled eyes of my daughter. Her eyes are puffy and red, but I choose to let her explain if she chooses to. I look down at my daughters skinny out stretched arms. I read the title of the book in her arms, and my head snaps up.
"Why... are you reading that book?" I say, so quietly I'm afraid she didn't hear me, but I can tell from the why she tenses up that she did. "Why didn't you come to me!?" I am yelling now, and most likely not helping the situation but at the moment I don't care.
"I-I didn't think I could..." There is so much shame in her voice that without hesitation I embrace my daughter. Her body shakes with sobs and when we brake apart she leaves the book in my hands.
"May, keep this book. Do what ever you haven't been telling us about for a while. You do whatever you need to do until your dad gets back." My statement nearly sends May into another crying fit and I slowly hand the book back to her and push her out of the kitchen. I turn back to the meat and stir the cooking meat, and unconsciously let my thoughts wonder. I see her, a beautiful girl with her blond braids bouncing as she runs toward me and Peeta in my meadow. My breath hitches and Peeta calmly pushes me toward my sister. I fall to the ground, gasping for air in between my sobs. Prim hugs me tightly and brings my to my feet. She turns me around and I am met with the image of Peeta holding two children, one blond and one brunette. I gasp and turn back to my sister with questioning look on my face and she nods. That was the dream I have the night before I finally agreed to having children. The smell of burning meat brings me back to reality and I scramble around in attempt to save dinner. I hear the door behind me open.
"May, I already told you to keep the book, so just go before I change my mind." I say flatly.
"What book?" I gasp and run into Peeta's arms. I am smiling and crying at the same time, which ends up making him worried but I dare not let him go, afraid that if I do he'll disappear. "Katniss, I missed you..." Peeta says quietly, and I feel a single tear fall on the back of my neck. I grab his face and plant a firm kiss on his lips, and start crying tears of joy again.
"Don't ever leave me again Peeta!" I shout.
"Don't worry, I won't." We inevitability have to break our hug. The smell of burnt meat reaches Peeta's nose and he recoils in disgust. "You've hurt the meat." He chuckles.
"Sorry." I say honestly.
"Don't worry, sit down, you look like you need rest. I whip something up quickly." I nod gratefully and nearly collapse on the living room couch. My dreams are filled with crying babies and a shouting May.
"I hate you! You lied! You and dad lied to me! You're murderers! You killed people! I'm leaving forever! I hate you both!" May son circles around me screaming those horrible things. I run and come face to face with Snow. He hold a knife dripping blood that's pointed toward a young Peeta. I scream yet nothing comes out, and the knife plunges into Peeta's heart. I feel the ground give away under me and I slip into a darkness. I hit the ground and look up. Above me are all the people who died because of me, and each of them holds a shovel. I plead for my life as each one of them throws in a scoop of dirt. Prim tosses in the last scoop of dirt and my vision goes black.
I wake up thrashing and screaming and see that I have been asleep for a mere fifteen minutes. Peeta's arms envelope me and I feel his warm hand brush back my hair. "I made lamb stew with dried plumbs." I hear him whisper in my ear. I know it's your favorite, but if you are too upset I make sure to save you some and you can settle for the night."
"No, no I'm fine. Call them for dinner please."
"Of course." I hear him go up the stairs to call them. I can't go back to sleep for a while. I can't bear to see those images again.
(May's POV)
I've been a mess ever since talking to my mom. I clutch the book as if it is the thing keeping me alive. My door creaks open and I am met with my dad's smiling face. I gasp and run into his arms.
"Hey my flower. How are you?" I pull away.
"Good, how's Aunt Annie?"
"She's fine, come down for dinner, I made your favorite, spaghetti." I grin as he exits my room. I shake my head to clear my brain. Now that dad is home, will things get better. I'm not saying life was bad with mom on her own but with dad here she will definitely be happier and less stressed. I sigh. My parents are so in love. even in their mid-thirties they are still energetic, fun, and work together very well. I hope that when I grow older I can have as perfect a relationship, even if it isn't with Lars. Now that I know about the hunger games I realize how deep their love goes.
I cant believe how complicated life is now. My nonexistent love life grows more annoying each day. Trying to make sense of my parents lying to me and what they went through kills me every time I try to think about it. And I have really been avoiding my house, which I most likely will continue to do.
I push my troubling thoughts to the back of my brain and head downstairs for dinner. My mouth instantly waters as the smell of my parents famous sauce. I say my parents sauce because they came up with the recipe together and usually made it together. My slow walk soon turns into a jog as I run to the delicious food. I lose myself in the aroma and stop short at the sight of my entire family staring at me.
"What?" I say, my eyes focusing intently on the wooden floor.
"Nothing, we just haven't seen you all week." Brogan says carelessly, making me glare at him.
"May, what would you like to drink?" My dad asks, trying to relieve the tension in the air.
"Lemonade..." I say, still eyeing my family suspiciously as I walk towards my seat. I sit down and have to smile when my bowl of spaghetti is placed in front of me. I dive in as my dad and my brother have a pointless conversation when I hear my name. I look up from my bowl of hevan and I look to my left to see my mom looking at me with a smile on her lips.
"Slow down May, or else you'll get a stomach ache." I give an annoyed smile and focus back on my dinner. I finish far before anyone else has even eaten half of their bowl. I clean up my place and head back up to my room. I instantly regret my attitude towards my family. I a horrible thought pops into my head.
Will I ever forgive them?