In that night when Lórien was filled with the elves' laments, not a member of the Fellowship could find rest. Soon enough, there wasn't anything keeping Aragorn on his bed. When he got up, he wasn't surprised to notice, both Frodo and Legolas had strayed from the group. Everyone was handling pain differently.
The area of Lórien was big, so he didn't expected meeting anyone he knew. But when he reached a clearing at the edge of the city where he hoped to find enough silence for a few hours of contemplating, he spotted Legolas' tall shape in the weak moonlight a few feet away.
Shoulders slumped, his head lowered … A more than unusual posture for the elf. Losing the wizard had hit him just as hard as the others.
"You look terrible. Sick and tired."
Aragorn didn't want to interrupt the conversation, whoever Legolas was talking to, and turned away. But then he heard a deep female voice that sounded familiar. Now he could another silhouette, also quite tall, standing conspicuously close to his friend. Hidden in the shadows, he hadn't spotted it right away.
The elf was crying. "Does that really surprise you? For so long, I could only wait, only hope … I can't do this anymore, Legolas. I don't want to be afraid anymore of feeling your death everyday. Tegiend can't stand being here any longer. I have to watch him suffer as well. Come with us! Leave the blood and the fear behind."
"Ever since this catastrophe began, there was nothing I wanted more." Legolas took the elf's hand, just for a moment. "But I can't and I won't run away now. I will fulfill my duty as long as I am needed here. That doesn't change anything about us though. It never will, no matter where you are, Ilya. If that is what you need to get better … I don't want to hurt you anymore. Tegiend will take good care of you. Don't wait any longer, not another day. The two of you don't belong here anymore."
"That much is true. More than you know." Whether it was the calmness or the distance with which Legolas posed that difficult request - the elf stepped back from him hastily.
A poisoned thorn pierced Aragorn's heart; frowning, he turned away. By now, he had thought to know Legolas quite well. There seemed to be a side of him that had remained hidden so far.
The darkness of a sombre Lórien night remained when Aragorn woke up. Only the glitter of the surroundings was gone when his head jerked up, trying in vain to remember how he could have fallen asleep, in such a night of all times, on such an important watch. There had been singing outside the room, the same voice he'd just heard in his sleep, in that memory …
A hasty check of Legolas' condition did nothing to relieve his confusion. His patient's breathing had turned much calmer and deeper, the fever was going down. The swellings on his shoulder had almost vanished completely as well, the wounds on his back started to pale. Something very strange had happened here while Aragorn had been dreaming.
Quick hoof beats in the otherwise silent surroundings led him to the window. There, in the distance … The bad lighting from too few torches made it hard to tell, but there definitely were the shapes of two jet-black horses. And Aragorn quickly recognized their riders' petite silhouettes as well. The intuition that dream had triggered, was right then. Except for Lord Elrond and his sons, he knew only one healer who could work a miracle like with Legolas. She had done it before, after Aragorn's and Legolas' captivity in that Haradrim village back then, when Aragorn had been almost certain, he would lose his new elf friend.
He could have followed her; it was possible still to catch up with her. Maybe it would be better if he did. He would at least finally know for sure what was weighing down on Legolas ever since Aragorn knew him. Only the feeling of disturbing something that was none of his business, held him back.
"You should get back to sleep, mellon. You look dead on your feet." Legolas' still weak voice made the decision for him. "I am alright." Aragorn's critical glance even brought a smile to his face. "Just a little hurt pride because you were right once more. Thank you, Aragorn. Without you …"
"It wasn't me who healed you," Aragorn interrupted him, harsher than intended. "I can't deny, I'd love to know who did it instead. And why I was denied watching."
"I don't know what you're talking about." Legolas' expression immediately became unapproachable as well. "If somebody was here, I didn't notice much. A fleeting acquaintance probably, sent here by Lady Galadriel to help because she felt what happened. Or maybe one of the Lórien healers in the fortress had a few minutes to spare. I will thank them personally. Just give me a few more minutes to recover. I'll be with you soon."
"Completely out of the question." Aragorn knew of course, that Legolas was only trying to deflect, and unfortunately he succeeded. "You can't get up yet …"
"I don't plan to engage in singing and dancing. I'll stay seated, I promise. But don't begrudge me for being unable to stay in bed right now, mellon. Give me a few minutes alone, will you?" Legolas closed his eyes demonstratively, hiding behind understandable exhaustion after such a difficult day, but this time, Aragorn wasn't deceived so easily.
"I don't know what exactly you're trying to hide and from whom, but better make sure I'm not robbed of my senses by one of your acquaintances ever again." He spared himself the following annoying silence by leaving to inform the others that the danger was over.
"We haven't been here for too long." Tarisilya spoke up again for the first time when Tegiend and her stopped for a nostalgic look at the mountains where Imladris was located. The beautiful memories of this realm tempted them both to rest there for a while, but that would have only made the good-bye worse. The weight of ultimacy robbed Tarisilya of her words once more as it was.
Thinking about those visits in Lord Elrond's home seemed to light at least some of the darkness inside of her though.
Tegiend just nodded lightly, seeing before his inner eye all those summers he had spent with Lord Elrond's sons to recover from the demanding life of a marchwarden. This place and the people there he had always highly appreciated. Not a day he had spent in this valley would he ever want to erase from his soul. He could recall countless pictures of wine, laughter and dancing, of two identical elves with pointed features and the wise, bright eyes of their father, who had taught Tegiend just as much about fighting as Glorfindel, and who unlike him had never unlearned how to smile.
These hours of joy in his youth suddenly became so alive in his head, he could swear to see a small group of elven riders on one of the serpentines up the hills shielding the valley, though they were of course too far away to spot such a thing.
Yet there it was, the thick black hair of Elrond's proud Noldor line, always coming as a pair, floating in a wild gallop. And ahead of the unit, no less splendid, endless curls of gold that could only be Glorfindel's. A much too clear image for a pure delusion; Elrond's mightiest warriors probably were indeed once more on the road to secure the borders of their valley. A valley just as surrounded by the threats of war as any. They might have mentally touched for a moment, an unconscious farewell on both sides, and a warning for the other to take care of themselves.
Tarisilya's melancholic smile revealed, she had seen it as well, in one of the few moments left these days when their souls accidentally touched. For a second, it seemed she wanted to propose a stop for a few days of recovery, at this place that had brought them so much pleasure, after all. Her eyes turned that way once more … But then she looked away with a sad sigh.
"If the Valar have mercy on us all, we will see them again, Ilya. Until then, we all have to get by on our own." Tegiend offered her his arm like so often in the last days and weeks, to help her dismount for a quick break. There was still a long ride ahead.
Tarisilya usually was more than capable to get down from her horse; she had always been a better rider than him. But in the last years, she had neglected both sleeping and eating often enough to walk away from that with clear traces. His sister had fully succumbed to the depression that the conflict of not knowing where she wanted to live had caused. And guarding the borders of Lórien had kept Tegiend too busy to try and help her. As much as Tarisilya sought to hide it: Her body was weakened to the point of total exhaustion, especially after that detour to Rohan and after whatever she had done there.
About high time, she arrived at a place of eternal beauty and light.
"We'll soon be somewhere where things are always like in Imladris." After she had eaten a little, Tegiend lovingly pushed back a few strands of Tarisilya's strawy hair from her forehead and helped her get up. "You don't have to hide from anyone then. We go to the land of all the elves where no small-minded beings will judge us anymore. Where we are all the same. There is now nothing left standing between you and Legolas, except for time. I guess, if you believe in him, then so can I. Go with this anticipation in your heart."
"There won't be happiness in me until Legolas finds his way to Valinor also and our happiness can begin at last," Tarisilya answered, tears choking her voice once more. "But now I know that it will happen, in whatever way it might. And so I turn my back to the world of blood."
"It is a sadness that will haunt the elves forever." For the first time in quite a while, Tegiend let it show that this development was weighing on him just as heavily. The sight of the beloved valley in the distance had cracked the ice of anger freezing his soul a little. He had experienced much bliss in these realms as well. "It didn't need to come to that. Now there is nothing left holding us here. Soon, Firstborn will be nothing but myth in Middle-earth. Elves like Legolas will forever carry that with them."
"I will spend my whole existence, helping him deal with this pain," Tarisilya replied quietly.
Tegiend briefly kissed her forehead and stowed away the rest of her supplies. His arm wrapped around her waist to keep her upright, he was about to lift her onto her horse when she suddenly broke away, gasping for air loudly.
Deep, black fear spread in Tegiend's heart before she even said one word. "Ilya … no."
Her eyes were wide open with fright, disbelief, angst. Never had he seen her look that lost. "I will die. I saw it when I turned away from Imladris."
"Ilya …"
"I'm dying!" She backed off before he could try to calm her, to make her forget the worry for her betrothed once more, and just wait for everything to be alright. Maybe he had pictured that to be easier than it was after all.
"When you look back, you see relief, don't you? You almost hate Middle-earth by now. When I look back, I see the love of my life. We were one for so long, Tegiend; sometimes we lived our lives as if we were one person instead of going our separate ways. But Middle-earth has separated us. I can't share your hate just to not hurt you. Middle-earth might not be out fate, but it is my home, until there will be nothing left here holding me here."
She rested her hands on his face that was so similar to her own, and yet they had never been more estranged from one another. "Please do not hate me as well. My vision tells me without a doubt, I would die of my broken heart if left now. And then it would be the halls that would keep us apart for a very long time. But if you turn away from me, I won't survive that either."
As quickly as this sudden new energy had filled her, it ran out; she collapsed to the ground.
For a moment, Tegiend was too frozen even to catch her.
In the blink of an eye, everything was over.
A seemingly endless break later that hurt both of them even more, Tegiend finally managed to bend down to Tarisilya, to pull her into his arms. "I don't hate you." He held her firmly like he'd never let her go, as if that could stop her from her plan. "I'm only afraid, Ilya. I can wait, but … Even if you make it alive through this madness we just left behind: Someday, the last ship to Valinor will leave Middle-earth. What happens then?"
"Soon, yes," she nodded. "But even if that ship is not my destiny, I will find a way. I never broke a promise I gave you. I'll be careful. Manyala will take me away from danger faster than they can even see me. And someday, I will come home to you, to both of you. We will meet again, you have my word." She kissed his cheek for a long moment, let him feel all her love for him one last time. "Tell ada, I love him."
"He knows that." Tegiend was unable to keep the grief and anger from his voice, or to let go of Tarisilya's hands before she insistently broke away and with all the effort she could muster up, got up on her horse.
"Tell Legolas …" Tegiend paused, then tried again but the grudge he was holding made finding words for an elf impossible who was taking the other half of himself from him, the other side of his soul, for centuries, millennia maybe. They had never been apart for such a long time …
"He'll take care of me, just like you took care of me for all those years. Le melin, Tegiend. Never forget that."
Just like in Helm's Deep, in the end it was Tarisilya who quickly turned away to get Manyala going. Looking back would have brought the final collapse under everything tearing her soul apart. She couldn't stand being in Tegiend's presence for even another second, knowing it would be the last.
She didn't even have a chance to tell him about Haldir's fate anymore. Actually, she had planned to do that at the port. To leave all their friends behind, including the one who meant so much more to Tegiend than he had ever brought himself to admit, was difficult enough for him. She hadn't wanted to make the situation just as unbearable for him as it was for her. Not whilst she didn't know anything for certain. Once she reached the realms of men and would hopefully get more information, she would write to him and hope that the message would reach him in time.
Only when she was out of reach, she dared to slow Manyala's gallop down to a walk and turn her head. She was relieved that Tegiend was already out of sight. For her, Valinor would be nothing but a dream for a very long time to come.
And now that she had had to give up on her brother as well as on her father before, her heart would never glow in the levity and brilliance of the moon again.