Holding on and Letting Go
Chapter 2
Ever since Stefan's death, Damon had felt like he was in a constant state of not feeling truly alive. He thought being human again would have changed the not feeling thing, but the truth was humans could feel just as numb as vampires could and until he saw Elena all he ever felt was numb. Hell seeing her now even felt like it was a dream that he would soon wake up from. Whatever it was it was sure a lot better than the multiple nightmares he had been having. But that was humanity. It was for sure one huge bitch.
But if this was a dream, he would for sure be glad to stay in it at least for a little while.
"Elena." he whispered taking in the sight of her.
It seemed nearly impossible, but he had forgotten how beautiful she was. After months of Sybil twisting his memories of him and Elena it was good to have all of them back to normal. One huge blessing of getting his humanity back was that all his memories had remained intact. Sure it had come with quite a few drawbacks, like remembering every detail of Tyler's death and feeling sorry about it, but with those memories came all of his memories with Elena. And those were his fondest.
Now all he wanted to do was take her in and hold her close no matter how much he didn't deserve it. He had done so many horrible things recently and in his past that he didn't know how Elena could ever forgive him for, but for right now this day wasn't about him and Elena it was about Stefan. And they both had cared about him. He just hoped that one day she would be able to forgive him again no matter how long it took her to do so.
As soon as she saw him a smile crossed her face as he felt his do the same. It had been a while since he had smiled. He knew he should have kept his space. She would never forgive him once she knew about Tyler, but for right now all he wanted to do was kiss her.
It was as if time slowed at that moment as they made their way towards each other. Once they reached each other their bodies intertwined into each other as their lips met and my God was it the best kiss. Being a vampire had been glorious and kissing for him had been hot, but nothing right here at this moment could compare to this kiss. The kiss felt as if he could never be more alive.
Once they ended the kiss, she pulled her to him in a hug and held him tight.
"Elena." he whispered again not sure of exactly what to say to her. This was real. She was really here.
He pulled away slightly as his hands cupped her face feeling the tenderness of her now warm skin. She had been cold for so long that now seeing her alive was the best feeling in the entire world.
"How-How are you here? I-I don't understand."
"I found a way to break the curse. Like someone once told me, I;m a Bennett witch, I can do anything if I put my mind to it."
"I'm here Damon. I'm- I'm alive." Elena said giving him another kiss and holding him.
"I'm so glad you're here. I've missed you. I just wish-"
"I know. I know."
Tears fell down his face as he hugged Elena tighter afraid that if he let her go she would disappear again.
"I miss him Elena. I miss him so much."
"He wanted you to have a chance to live Damon. He wanted you to see me again and have the life that he thought he took away from you."
"How do you know that?" Caroline asked voice as small as Damon had ever heard it.
Elena separated herself from Damon as he tried not to lose it from the loss of her.
"Can we go somewhere to talk? I have something that I need to tell you two alone."
Caroline and Bonnie nodded as Elena turned around to give Damon one last hug.
"I'll be back, I promise."
"I'll hold you to that one."
Elena smiled as she followed Caroline and Bonnie to a private spot. Damon knew she would tell him what she meant later, but for right now he was just glad to have her back no matter how surreal it felt. It would defiantly take him a while to get adjusted to everything.
Taking a seat, Damon played with his daylight ring remembering the first accident he had ever had as a human. It had been so simple as well as such an important moment in his life.
The day after Stefan had died, Damon sat in Stefan's room sitting on the edge of the bed like if he sat there for long enough than eventually Stefan would show back up and things would go back to normal for them. Well about as normal as things could possibly be for them, but it wasn't Stefan who had showed up in his room. It was Caroline.
Tears streamed down her face as she wiped them away. That was the one thing about Caroline. She hated crying in front of others.
"What are you doing in here?"
"Coping." he answered not sure what exactly to say.
"Not sure if this will help. He's gone Damon and no matter how much we want him here he's never coming back."
"I know that. You don't have to remind me of that."
Caroline sighed and looked around.
"Are you okay?" she asked finally after what seemed like forever.
"I'm fantastic." he said sarcastically wishing he had a bourbon in his hand.
"Listen, I'm just trying to be nice ."
"I don;t think anything will make me feel better at this point Caroline. Everyone I've ever loved is gone."
"That's not true. You have plenty people here that still love you."
"They're not Stefan."
"What about Elena?"
"I'll probably die of old age before I can see Elena again so your point is futile."
"Fine, than live for yourself."
"I have nothing to live for anymore Caroline!"
"Listen. I know you're in your self pity mood at the moment, but I will not have my husband's sacrifice mean nothing even if I have to lock you up in the cellar downstairs to make sure that you don't screw this chance up. Stefan gave you this life for a reason so you better not take it for granted."
"I'm sorry Caroline. I know I've been a hassle as of late and I really don't want to be. I know Stefan meant just as much to you as he did for me. I can't imagine what you're going through."
"Grief is a difficult thing. No matter how many times you go through it, it's still a bitch every time."
"You can say that again." he said as his stomach rumbled.
"When's the last time that you ate anything that was stronger than a squirrel?"
They both chuckled as Damon remembered when he had said that to Stefan.
"But seriously we should probably eat."
"I'm not sure I know what I'm exactly supposed to eat now a days. "
"I can help with that." a voice said that made both Damon and Caroline turn.
Bonnie stood there with a bag slung across her shoulder as she smiled.
"Bonnie, What are you doing here?"
"I thought I can stay with you guys for a couple of days while we sort all this funeral stuff out."
Caroline and Damon looked at each other not exactly sure what to say.
"Also I was wondering if I could use a spare room for Elena. I just think having her in the coffin is a bad idea right now seeing as how the cure no longer runs through her system."
"Take whatever room you need."
"Thanks. I'll go take care of that now and than I can help you with that food situation of yours along with anything else."
"Thanks Bon."
Bonnie smiled at both of them as they waited for everything to get situated at the house. When it was finally time for the dinner, Damon looked at the food as if it was a strange phenomenon. He didn't even know where to start.
"What is this?" Damon asked looking at all the food on the kitchen table.
"It's called a burger Damon. I would go ahead and try it with your new human senses."
Damon looked at Bonnie and grabbed the burger.
"Thanks for this Bon."
"I thought it was the least I could do after what happened with Stefan."
"There was nothing you could of done Bonnie. No one knew what Stefan was doing except Stefan." Caroline said making Damon feel as if she was begging to get to the anger stage of her grief.
Damon wished he could be there, but he was for sure in the denial stage.
"Again thanks for the food.." he said sitting down at the table and looking at it.
"Have you forgotten how to eat suddenly?" Caroline said taking a seat next to him and grabbing a burger for himself.
"This will be the first taste of human food I've had since I've become human again. Up to this point I've been living straight off that fruity girl shit you call alcohol so I can take it easy at first than I can try to go for the hard shit, but not too much so that I'll destroy my liver. God I don't even know what my body is supposed to do now that I'm human."
"It's a process, but we'll both be here to help you as much as we can."
Damon nodded not sure exactly what to say as he took his first bite of human food he had before he turned back. He had to admit that blood had been amazing when he was a vampire, but now that he was human again he never knew how great a simple burger can be. And that thought terrified him, because if he felt connected to the world somehow than that would give him a reason to stay. He wasn't sure what Stefan's plan had been, but so far he had no real clue what the hell it had been. Had he even really thought it through before he sacrificed himself? Who was Damon Salvatore now that he wasn't a vampire? Who would Damon Salvatore be without the love of his life and his brother by his side? One thing he knew for sure was he better be willing to figure it out.
He looked at Caroline who was barely picking at her food and wondered what kind of hell she had been going through. If he was going to live for anyone it would be for her. He wasn't sure exactly how she hadn't killed him in his sleep yet, but that little milestone had meant the world to him and he wouldn't live his life without making sure that his sister in law would be okay.
"Caroline_"
"Yeah-"
"I'm sorry."
Tears welled up in her eyes as she looked down to avoid him seeing them, but the damage was already done. She looked back up and gave him a sad smile.
"I know, ugh I'm gonna go to my room. I'll see you in the morning."
"Caroline-"
"I just need some time to myself okay. I'll be fine. I'll see you in the morning."
"See you than."
Caroline put her plate in the sink before leaving to go to her bedroom for the night. Damon looked down at his food trying to finish his food, but it didn't taste as good as it once did. Is this what guilt felt like when you couldn't turn it off?
"She'll be fine." Bonnie said squeezing his hand to reassure him.
"I'm not so sure."
"You'll both be fine. You two are both fighters, you just don't know it yet."
"I just wish there was something I can do for her."
"There is."
Damon looked up at Bonnie.
"You could be there for her. That's all she needs. Don't let her slip through the cracks this time."
"You think she would turn her humanity off?"
"No, but you of all people know how tempting that choice could be and how devastating the results can be. Just be wary and cautious, because I won't always be around to help you two figure it out."
"Why did you ask for the room? For Elena?"
"That's for me to know and for you to find out. Now come on I'll show you how fun doing the dishes can be as a human."
"Bonnie, I don't think-"
"What? You turn human and suddenly you're a pussy when it comes to everything and anything. Come on it might surprise you how fun it can be."
"Fine. I'll give, but this is boring you get to teach me one human thing of my choice."
"Deal. Now where's your dish soap?"
"Bottom counter underneath the sink."
Bonnie shook the jug of dish soap as she ran the water before pouring a lot into it.
"Whoa, hey easy on the dish soap." he said taking it from her.
"You need to let lose and have some fun once in a while."
"My brother just died Bonnie, I don't think there;s any time for fun right now."
"Damon, I know it's hard for you, but after my grams died I spent months pushing people away."
"Which is why you of all people should know what I'm feeling right now. If this was a normal human existence where the supernatural didn't exist than I would have been the one to die first. I was the oldest. I was supposed to protect him and I failed. Do you have any idea what that feels like?"
"If this was a place here only humans existed than my grandmother would have had a couple more years to her life. You would have never met Elena. Stefan would have never met Caroline. And Elena would never be in a damn sleeping beauty coma. Sometimes Damon life isn't fair, but it's life and we have to make the most of it. Would Elena want to see you like this?"
"No, but she would understand what I was going through. I think right now she would be the only person who truly would, but I don't get that life and neither does Stefan. Gah how I wished it was me who had died instead."
"You don;t mean that Damon. You're just hurting right now."
Before Damon could think about what he was doing he smashed the plate to the counter causing Bonnie to jump back a step.
"I really wish people would stop telling me how I feel! He was my brother and now because of me he's gone. I should have known that he had the vervain in his system. I should have knocked his ass out instead. He would have had one hell of a concussion, but at least he would be alive and not burned to a crisp in some tunnel somewhere, He deserved better. They all did."
Shock crossed Bonnie's face as she tried to say something else ], but before she could loud footsteps echoed down the stairs as Caroline came into the kitchen with her face stained in tears.
"What's going on here? I heard screaming."
"Nothing, Care, just go back to bed." Bonnie said turning back to the sink to wash some dishes.
"What I heard wasn't nothing? Damon, what did you-"
Before she could complete her sentence, Caroline's face went slack with shock as Damon looked down at his hand. A small scratch no bigger than his palm was dripping blood and some had fallen to the floor, but what seemed to shock them the most was the fact that he wasn't healing. He wasn't healing..
"Oh God, Damon." Caroline said rushing to him and looking at the blood.
Damon expected her normal panicked behavior, but one thing he didn't expect was the laughter that came from her. And before too long he found himself laughing too. It was hard to believe that it took him hurting himself for both of them to laugh again, but then the laughter died and turned into tears for Caroline. Damon drew her into him and hugged her not sure how he knew, but feeling that they would all be alright somehow.
A shrill ring made them shrink back from each other as Caroline checked her phone.
"It's Alaric. I better take this. Will you be okay?" she asked giving him a serious look.
"As okay as we can all possibly be at the moment. Go on and take the call, I'll be okay with Bonnie."
"Okay. If you need anything. You know where I am."
Damon nodded giving Caroline one last reassuring hug as she went upstairs to talk to Ric. He turned to Bonnie finally gaining perspective as he looked at her.
"I'm sorry Bonnie, I didn't mean to snap at you."
"It's alright. Come on let's get that hand of yours taken care of."
He looked at Bonnie and than something suddenly came over him. He needed everyone to be happy. He wanted everyone to be happy even if it meant that he wasn't. It's what Stefan would have wanted. For him to be a better person. Well as good as a person like Damon Salvatore could be.
"Bonnie." he said as she grabbed some antibiotics to clean the cut.
"Yes Damon."
"What are you still doing here?"
"I told you I came to help you guys out with the funeral and other things."
"But what are you still doing here?"
"Okay, now you lost me. Do you want me to go? Is that what you're getting at?"
"No. I don't mean it the way that it sounds. I guess I'm still getting used to a few things, but ugh I meant what are you going to do after the funeral. After things are all settled here and there's nothing else that can be done."
"I guess I haven't thought that far ahead yet. Maybe I'll just stay here and see what happens. "
"You know that you don';t have to be in Mystic Falls to accomplish the goal of ultimate happiness Bonnie."
"What's that supposed to mean?" she said applying the medicine it stung a little bit, but it was nothing he couldn't handle.
"I mean that you don;t have top stay here, because you feel like you owe us something. You've done so much for us already Bonnie. It's time for you to finally start worrying about yourself."
"What am I supposed to do without you guys? You're my family."
"The one thing about family Bonnie is that they'll always be here waiting for you when you're ready to come back."
"Alright say I was crazy enough to take your advice. Where the hell would I go?"
"Anywhere that you want to go Bon-Bon, the world is yours for the taking."
"Yours too Damon Salvatore. Now come on we both could use some sleep."
"Sounds like a plan." he said and they walked into the night not knowing what the future held for both of them.
"You ready?" a voice asked sending him out of his memory.
Elena stood there with her hand outstretched as Caroline and Bonnie were by her side. They were all their for each other and that was better than he could imagine, so he took Elena's hand ready to say goodbye to his brother one last time.