Chapter 3 Existential
"Eas!"
"Setsuna!"
"Passion!"
That is the funny thing about having three different names: you can choose which one applies to you. When Westar called out Eas, I thought I am not Eas, I am Setsuna. When Love called me Setsuna, I thought I am not Setsuna; I'm Cure Passion. When Tart called me Passion, I thought I am not Cure Passion. I am Eas.
I have three names, and none of them belong to me.
I did not stop running. My anger was growing with each step I took. It was still raining, but the rain didn't seem to have an effect on my pink hair. In fact, all it seemed to do was show just how strong it was, how graceful it was. This was the hair that belonged to a Precure. That belonged to me.
As the murky, squishy ground left footprints where I stepped, all I could think about was Lord Moebius. He wanted me dead! I was his faithful servant, and he wanted me dead! I was furious at him, and by extension I was also furious at Westar and Soular. How could they follow him so blindly? He wanted me dead for crying out loud!
I found that when I was in my Cure Passion form, I had more endurance than I did before. I felt like a courageous horse as I trekked across the muddy landscape. Eventually, however, I rested underneath a tree. Even horses need to catch their breath after a while. I rested my hand against the scratchy bark, all the while dwelling on Lord Moebius.
"I am never going back to Labryinth," I said out loud.
But where will you go?
Where will I go? I...don't know.
Suddenly, I felt fear strike my heart. What was I doing? This insane! I can't leave Labryinth! Labryinth is everything I know! Labryinth is everything I am!
Suddenly, a bright light surrounded me, taking my breath away. When it cleared, and I was able to breathe again, I found that I was Higashi Setsuna again. I breathed a sigh of relief and put my hands together.
"Switch over!"
Nothing happened. I tried again.
"Switch over!"
Still nothing. I started to feel my heart hammering in my chest. My head was pounding with a viscous headache, and my breathing had become maliciously heavy. Was this what a panic attack feels like?
"Switch over, switch over, SWITCH OVER!"
Nothing. Absolutely nothing. I could not become Eas anymore. I could not go back.
I stood under the tree as this realization came to me. My knees gave out from under me and I fell to the ground. I got into a kneeling position and let my hands rest in the muck.
"No," I whispered miserably. "Please no."
My tears started to fall uncontrablly. The clouds might have been clearing up, but for me, it was still raining.
...
I had decided to take a walk around the town. For the first time, I felt like I was actually seeing it, soaking it in. I could see the glow of the cyan sky. I could feel the sharp, crisp force of the breeze. I could smell things, I could hear things. I could taste the atmosphere with my tongue as I breathed the air in through my nose.
I stopped and stood in the middle of the sidewalk. I...is this good? Is this bad? I don't know what this is!
I turned my head to the side, and for the first time, I saw my reflection. My eyes...they didn't look like mine. There was a quality in them. There was a light, a light that scared me. What did it indicate? Was it artificial? Was it permanent?
"Who am I?" I whispered to the violet haired girl in the window. I legitimately wanted to know. Right now, I looked like Higashi Setsuna. But...Setsuna was a fabrication. She was a lie, an illusion. If I am her now, then...am I even real?
I don't know. I don't know why I can't be Eas anymore. I don't know why I am a Precure now. I don't know who this Higashi Setsuna is. I...don't know anything anymore.