Thanks for all the awesome support! And the answer of one of the reviewers wondering if Life of a Spy was done... well, I guess this update answers that question. Except that No.17 could have just as easily ended it... there is still more to be done.

(Sorry, didn't have the chance to reply to everyone- but I make sure to answer any questions. My profile has any guest reviewer replies, PM box for the signed ones.)

I know it's not what you expected, but...

Disclaimer: I do not own Alex Rider.

O-o-O-o-O

Snake frowned, deep in thought.

"I'm worried about him," he said finally.

He didn't need to same whom he was referring to- nor did any of the other K-Unit members need to ask.

It was another one of their more-than-frequent unanimous meetings that they seemed to have daily.

The soldier moved to explain. "He's hardly reacting- and even that, barely trying to stay alive. He doesn't talk, he doesn't eat- and he isn't sleeping well." A pause, and, then, as an afterthought: "We're not getting through to him."

"Is he still in shock?" Wolf questioned, worried.

Eagle's lips curled distastefully. "It's only been a day."

It was a reminder to all of them-

Six days.

They only had another six days until Blunt tore him away from them again- if, that is, he kept his word.

And they definitely didn't trust the Director of MI6.

Fox tapped at his chin thoughtfully. "How much is affected by this house- and the memories?" The question was directed toward Snake. They needed to know- was his current mindset completely untainted by his mental breakdown?

The soldier chewed at his lip. "It's definitely stemming from his memories, yes. I just really wish I knew what was going in that head of his..."

O-o-O-o-O

Alex closed his eyes.

He didn't want to be here.

This house was full of painful memories- ones that he didn't want to remember. Because- because it was just a reminder of how much he had lost.

How far gone he was.

And it was too late to go back- Blunt had already made that clear.

This house was tied with his old life- the one that had died long ago... and it hurt when he remembered them- when Blunt forced him to.

Didn't he realize that it was easier to do missions if he accepted that he would never be that 'normal' boy that lived here?

It reopened wounds that didn't need to-

He didn't like it.

And he knew he was withdrawing from K-Unit... but maybe that was a good thing? Maybe it would be easier when the end of the week came and-and-

The teen swallowed.

Don't think about it.

Besides, it was impossible to even sleep in this house- he couldn't.

Not here.

Not ever.

It made sense, then... just to not do anything.

To hardly react as food was forced to him, with Snake's coaxing, "Come on, Cub."

He hadn't gone to Ian's room.

He hadn't gone to his own room.

Nor Jack's- god, no, definitely not her room.

And he had yelled at Eagle when the soldier had gone 'exploring' and had been about to go in Ian's office.

That had been one of the few times he had outwardly showed any emotion within the past thirty-six hours.

He had tried sleeping- but it had taken forever to get to sleep, and then he had only snatched a few hours.

But it wasn't anything new, anyway.

Blunt didn't normally give him enough sleep- why would it have changed if the Director had sent him specifically to his old house?

And- the nightmares. He inwardly shuddered.

They hadn't graced them with their lovely presence- yet.

But it was only a matter of time.

O-o-O-o-O

"Cub?"

When the hard eyes didn't come up to meet his, Wolf guessed that the boy already was aware of his presence, or didn't care.

He wasn't sure which outcome was more unsettling.

"Fox wanted to let you know that dinner is ready." He entered the room carefully.

It was an odd choice- one of the guest bedroomos. But the soldier assumed that there were less memories here.

"Not hungry," the boy mumbled.

It was the same thing he had said before every meal.

Wolf came over to him- near the window- sitting beside him. "Is there anything you want to talk about?" he asked softly- a word that didn't describe him often.

In reply, the teen shook his head- shoulders hunched, knees drawn close to him.

And... he was on the floor.

The soldier knew it was intentional.

Wolf laid a hand on his shoulder- the spy twitching minutely.

The message was clear, yet silent.

"I've killed people before," he began quietly, a dazed and glossy look on his face. "My guar- temporary guardian-"

Wolf's face was grim. He couldn't even bring himself to say guardian, because that wasn't true. MI6 was his legal guardian, and Blunt had made sure Alex didn't forget it.

"She-she died," here, his breaths hitched. He was trying to control his emotions, but failing. "Mission. Captured- both of us," he gasped out. "There was a bomb- under her seat. She- they made me watch." Horror was in his voice- and, Wolf noticed- survivor's guilt. He blamed himself... and MI6 hadn't bothered telling him that they were to blame.

"It's alright, Cub," he murmured, allowing the boy to lean into him. "It wasn't your fault."

With those words, Cub let the tension go, the pain and memories that had haunted him for him so long... faded away.

O-o-O-o-O

Yelling.

Screams.

Fire.

It was a warzone- and he was right in the middle of it.

Grenades, and bombs and-

The loud banging noises that indicated gunfire- and a lot of it.

Machine guns, probably.

AK-47? It sure sounded like it.

People were dying around him- screaming his name.

"It's all your fault!"

Ah- survivor's guilt. Of course.

His enemies awaited him, watching, waiting... for the perfect opportunity- so when he wasn't looking- they would strike.

O-o-O-O-O

He awoke with a start, eyes wide, sweat clinging to him- indicating... a nightmare?

Wolf stood over him, worry etching his features. "Iraq?"

Eagle nodded, just noticing the other members of K-Unit were also awake.

He didn't apologize for waking them up- it had happened to all of them before at some point or another- and definitely more than once. And he knew better- the first time it had happened, and after he had apologized, Wolf had just rolled his eyes, telling him there was nothing to be sorry for.

The next night, it had been Snake to wake up, screaming.

Eagle sat up quickly- Cub had also joined them, in the corner of the room, a wary and apprehensive look on his face.

A grim smile. "We all get nightmares, Cub."

The boy looked down, avoiding his gaze. "Yeah," he mumbled.

Snake shook his head. "We're not going to get to sleep anytime soon. Tea, anyone?"

Grunts of agreement met him.

O-o-O-o-O

"Do you get nightmares, too, Cub?"

The teen shot Eagle a sharp look. Hesitation, then, "Yeah, I do." Hastily, he rushed to explain. "Not very often."

Snake raised an eyebrow. "It's nothing to be ashamed of. It happens to people... people in our business."

Slump of the shoulders. "I guess."

Fox frowned slightly. "Who ever told you nightmares were a bad thing?" He was just relieved that Cub was talking again- Wolf's earlier conversation with him must have done some good.

Cub looked surprised. "No one, it's just..." he trailed off.

"It's not a sign of weakness," Snake pressed on. "It's a sign that you're human. No one should be able to go through what you did without a scratch."

The boy shrugged. "I guess. It's just- you know," he broke off awkwardly.

Wolf's features darkened. "Yeah, we know."

There was a moment of non-awkward silence.

"What happened in Iraq?" Cub asked cautiously.

The soldiers stiffened.

Snake's eyes grew haunted. "Horrible things, Cub. Horrible things."

Alex got the message- it wasn't that bad things had happened. Not just that. No, they had done it. It was one thing to experience it... another entirely to be the one causing it.

Eagle noticed the boy's mellowed expression, and elbowed him playfully- earning him a stern look from Snake. "It's OK, Cub. It's what we signed up for." And, to soothe Cub's vexed features, he continued. "And you didn't sign up for it."

"Yeah," the teen murmured in vague agreement.

Fox frowned. They weren't getting to him. Not one bit. "You ever been to Iraq?"

The spy froze. "Yes," he answered tersely. And, "I didn't like it."

K-Unit didn't push further- they understood perfectly.

"How many countries have you been to?" Wolf asked.

Cub hesitated, thinking hard. "I... don't know."

Fox pursed his lips. That definitely wasn't a good sign.

"Which one was your favorite?"

"None of them," came the immediate reply.

Definitely not good... but at least he was being truthful.

Chewing thoughtfully on his lip, Fox wasn't sure if he should continue the questions. Cub was answering, yes, but he was irritated- not to mention answering shortly, or even cryptically. He didn't want to push more than he needed.

Wolf sighed. "Cub, you need to understand, that although we can't imagine what it must have been like going through those kinds of horrific things as a teenager- god knows we're treated better than you- but we are soldiers. We didn't have picturesque childhoods... but we've experienced enough to know and feel a taste of what you're going through- PTSD, mainly."

Cub looked annoyed, but Snake cut him off before he could say anything. "We know what PTSD is, and all of us have it- sometimes the best thing to do is suppress the memories, and let them fade. Othertimes... it's better to tell other people. We get that you don't trust easily, and we understand why- but you need to know that if you ever do need someone to talk to, we're here for you."

Eagle sobered. "We didn't do it right the first time. We were trying to build a one-sided relationship, and we were believing anything MI6 was saying about you. You paid for our mistakes, and we learned from them as well."

Cub frowned, bewildered and confused- K-Unit could tell he wasn't used to this, and didn't know how to react. "Thanks," he whispered.

And he meant it.

This week- it would go by in a blur... but he damn well was going to make sure it was the best he'd had in awhile.

"My nightmares..." Eagle ran a hand through his hair. "They're almost always in Iraq." The soldier closed his eyes. "Cub... we killed people there." His voice lowered. "Not all of them deserved them... and they didn't always die quickly."

"Two wars," Cub said hoarsely. "Same side. And death happens either way."

O-o-O-o-O

People die.

And you are responsible for their deaths.

And you won't ever forget that.

O-o-O-o-O

If anything needs to be changed, let me know! I was unsure of Alex's character in this one...