Regrets III

Not even gonna bother...

She remembered how devastated she was when she found out that Kaldur got his brain-damaged. How hopeless she felt when she and Artemis met up again for new updates. The fact that her lover was attacked by one of her teammates made her want to retreat. To abandon the plan she has been thoroughly planning with 7 nights of missed sleep. If not for Artemis to reassure her that everything will fall as planned, the only thing she can do is pray. Pray to the god that took her parents to take pity on her and her lover. To take pity on what she has become.

She vaguely remembered when Light was defeated. When her team blamed her, cursed at her and yelled at her for what she has done. She remembered her best friend yelling at her, telling her that she became something worst than Batman. She remembered when Wally, Kid Flash, died. She remembered everything. All the words they said, all the actions she made, all the sacrifices she made. She remembered crashing, all the emotions being let out, all the exhaustion to making her pass out.

She wasn't on the couch anymore; she was in her bathroom. She stared at her reflection as her skin became deathly pale. Her eyebags darker than death and her small physique shrunk. Her everyday sweater hung off her tiny frame. Her face with dried tracks of tears and her hair frizzy and unclean. She looked down in horror as the bile rose to her throat, threatening to spill out. She couldn't take it anymore and stumbled her way to the toilet, dry heaving as stomach acid only came out. A few minutes passed and she didn't feel like vomiting anymore. She cleans up the mess and trudged her way back to the sink as she felt like shit. She opened the back of the mirror, grabbing the only bottle of Tylenol inside. She then made her way towards her bed as she grabs a handful of pills, slowly consuming 2 to 3 at a time.

Her life started to flash before her eyes as she swallowed the pills. Her parents falling to their deaths. Bruce taking her in as a ward, and when she found out he was Batman. Her training to become Robin to her first patrol with her mentor. To her first injury to her first award as a champion. Joining the original Young justice to falling in love with a certain Atlantean. When she first met her first sibling and her passing down the Robin mantle to Jason. Graduating with three degrees in psychology, business, and criminology. Moving to Bludhaven with her first job as a police officer. Being declared as the next CEO of Wayne CO. Jason dying after meeting Tim and leading Young Justice. When Light was found out and Kaldur's plan to take it down. To becoming Batman, serving the court as Talon. Helping Slade as an apprentice and being an allay of the League of Assassins. Then to losing her best friend.

With the last few pills, the ones she swallowed finally taking effect as she felt everything turn. Not bothering to wipe away the tears that fell off her pale complexion. She swallowed everything left on her hand and before she knew it- She fell. Her body sprawled out on the floor, the pills spilling out of its container. Her eyes fluttering, threatening to close forever. But she couldn't do anything as the shadows comforted her, falling into oblivion.

~Dixie's POV~

I felt numb, unable to move. Like something was pressing down on my body, refusing to let me go. My mind felt blank, everything I see is dark. My eyelids feel heavy as if someone glued them shut. I hear footsteps in the distance, walking along the echoing hallway? I hear distant chatter far away when I saw the light. "Rachel "Dixie" Grayson, you are in so much trouble little miss!" my closed eyes widened as much as it could. It was Mom! She's here, she's actually here! I feel her soft hair drape over my face and my chest. I feel her caress my cheek tenderly when another voice spoke. "Dixie that was thoughtless of you." Dad. He also here! I tried to speak, to call out to them but it came out in mumbles. I tried to reach out to them, try to feel them when they chuckled softly. Mom's hand was replaced with her hug as Dad ran his fingers through my hair. I tried to hug them back, as I felt the tears prickle the corners of my eyes. "Dixie, you can't join us yet." My mumbles were muffled by Mom's clothes. I wanted to cry out that I wanted to join them. That I wanted to be a family again. "You have to understand that you are needed to be with them." Dad said threading through the knots in my tresses. "Wake up Dixie, they need you." My consciousness was starting to drift, my mind into oblivion.

She woke up again, this time, fluttering her eyes open. Groaning at the bright light that shone from the ceiling. Dixie tried to get up, to sit down but there was something on her arm. Looking at the messy fluff of hair that moved. 'Damian,' she thought as she gently played with his hair. 'His hair would sometimes be like that when he didn't shower…' Painfully she gently laid his head on the bed with her other free arm. She slowly, but painfully sat up. Her eyes sore and dry, she observed the room she was in. She was inside one of the medical rooms in the Batcave. She took notice of the other disheveled states of her family. On her right there, Damian was slouched down on the chair with his head on her bed. Cadence was leaning against Seth on a couch that was stuffed inside the room. To her left, Kaldur has his arms crossed with Jason snoring deeply on his lap with Tim leaning on him at his right. They were on the couch Alfred put when Bruce didn't want to leave when she inhaled laughing gas and poison.

Chuckling softly, she unconsciously started petting Damian's fluffy hair. Right then the door opened slowly, Bruce peaking inside. His eyes widened when his eyes landed on Dixie who was sitting down. Dixie saw the tears gathering to explode from his eyes. As he covered his mouth, refusing to let out the sob of relief he felt. He opened the door and was quickly by her side. She stopped the petting and opened her arms as Bruce just hugged her. The first child he took in when tragedy struck her. Bruce just slowly opened his bottles of emotions, letting it pour out slowly. He quietly sobs as Dixie calmly lets her hand move up and down his back. Giving him the smallest comfort she can give due to the pain she felt. It took a few minutes to let Bruce's sobs subside. As well as a few minutes before they broke the hug.

Bruce cups Dixie's face in his hands, kissing her forehead. "I was so worried." He whispered, letting stray tears be wiped away by Dixie. Dixie opened her mouth, "What happened?" she hoarsely croaked out. Wincing at the painful strain it took on her throat. Bruce reached the glass of water by her bedside table. Tipping the glass on Dixie's lips. Dixie gladly let him, drinking slowly at the cold water that soothed the pain. Bruce placed it back on the bedside table when Dixie finished it. He then looked at her with the most heartbreaking eyes.

"You almost died." He said as he gathered her small hands in his big ones. That information was too much for her. "What?" she let out as she looked at Bruce, analyzing his face for any lies. "I-I died?" her voice trembled, forcing her brain to recall the events that took place. "You almost died." Bruce corrected, Dixie started to hyperventilate, feeling her breathe shorten by the minute.

"Dixie." Bruce called out when she didn't respond to her name being called. He successfully managed to capture her attention. He placed her small hand right above his heart. "Breathe." Dixie did what she was told, doing the breathing exercise she and Bruce did multiple times. Trying to match his heartbeat, Bruce whispered in her ear the instructions. "Breath in by 4, 1-2-3-4, breath out by 1, 4-3-2-1. Again, you're doing it." He mumbled the mantra, repeatedly, letting her regain her breath.

When she regained her breath, he lets go of his grip on her hand. Dixie just lets her hand stay, not bothering to do anything. Her face scrunches up as she tries to recall what she recalls. She remembers coming home from patrol. Then she was crying, she did the unthinkable of almost dying. 'Did I get a wound? No.' she remembers it being a tame night. 'Did I hang myself? No' if she did, she would have bandages around her neck and her voice would be too hoarse and unusable. She unknowingly gripped Bruce's shirt, bunching it up as sweat was forming at the base of her forehead. She remembers walking to her bathroom, vomiting, and crying. she remembers taking a bottle of Tylenol and her life flashing before her eyes.

"I overdosed myself... Didn't I?" Bruce nodded, taking in the information, she shakily breathed in. "I was so terrified." Bruce's confession rang inside the room. "I thought I lost you." Dixie let him pull her in a hug, tightening it, afraid she'd disappear. "You told me that you'd visit after patrol. When you went back to your apartment, I thought you were packing to spend the night in the manor. But when your position moved and stopped, I knew something was wrong. I called Selina to check up on you and I- oh god Dixie, I was so scared when she screamed." He hunched over and just tightened his hold on her. "I knew something was wrong when she asked someone to call Leslie. But Jesus- I-I was horrified when you arrived. You were so pale, like a sheet of paper. You were so small that I thought you were 9 again. I- Dixie please." He pleaded as a stream of tears started again. She just returned the hug with the strength she can manage. Her tears soaking the shirt her father's wearing. "Don't do that again." She just nodded. Nodding, remembering what her parents told her. "I won't." she vowed, clutching to dear life to his shirt.

This is something Dixie regrets the most, almost leaving her family behind. When the others woke up, they were so happy, they got angry at Dixie. The only ones that didn't join the scolding were Bruce, Leslie, Alfred, and Kaldur. Kaldur was so happy. That he decided to just kiss her right then and there. "Eww." Damian stretched the last letter, looking away in disgust from the couple. They broke off in laughter and smiled. Dixie then thought of an idea and smirked unnoticed. She laughed whole-heartedly at her siblings' usual antics. She then snatched the nearest sibling, which was Tim, and gave him a big kiss. He squealed out of embarrassment when Dixie kissed him. Bruce and the other adult just laughed while the other siblings were jealous, asking Dixie for one as well.

She may have many regrets, but she learns from them. She regrets almost leaving her family alone. But then again she's still learning to be a perfect sister, a perfect mother, a perfect lover and a perfect role model.