Chapter 9: Commitment

After a week, Effie was attuned to Haymitch's habits and, thus, she had no problem tracking him down to the wrap-around porch. The afternoon was warm for the season but not warm enough to be reading outside on an old whicker chair that couldn't be comfortable. The wind blew around her as soon as she closed the front door behind her, lifting up the red skirt she had shortened and paired with a brand new white sweater. The rest of the fabric, she had turned into a scarf that was currently tied in her hair, holding her wild curls back.

Haymitch's grey eyes immediately detached themselves from the pages to track her moves, lingering on the legs the wind was revealing before roaming appreciatively on the new sweater.

She had hesitated a lot but she was glad to have bought it in the end.

After she had been done with Sae's curtains, a few other customers had approached her and, within a week, she had made herself some money doing hems, adjusting dresses and the likes. It wasn't riveting work and it hadn't earned her much but it was a start. She had tried to give the money to Haymitch as rent – part of it, at least – but he wouldn't hear of it so she had bought small gifts for the girls instead and had spent the rest on necessary change of clothes and some cheap make-up that she made do with.

"Back on heels, are you?" he mocked.

She looked down at her wedding shoes with fondness, glad to be rid of the old sneakers. She never felt more herself than when she was perched on high heels.

"My ankle is healed enough." she declared. She still felt some twitching and she wasn't sure she would keep the shoes all day but it was good to feel a little more like herself. "Can you believe I finally manage to get a hold on my sister?"

And it hadn't been for fault of trying.

She leaned against the wooden balustrade that would have needed a good coat of paint, like the rest of the house, folding her arms in front of her chest to keep warm.

"Yeah? What did she say?" he asked.

She wondered if she imagined the wariness in his voice. If he was thinking she was going to pack up to go play guest at her sister's house, he was sorely mistaken.

"Oh, she had a lot to say for someone who refused to take my calls…" she snorted. Mostly, Lyssa had made a point of lecturing her about breaking their mother's heart and putting their father's business in jeopardy with her inconsequential behavior. It had been on the tip of her tongue to reply that her husband was cheating just to get even. "Well… Long story short, she agreed to meet me. I asked her to get a few things from our parents' house… You would think I was asking her to commit a felony or a robbery! I simply wants my ID and my passport… Essentials. That sort of things!" She shook her head. "Anyway, do you think you could give me a ride to the city soon?"

Haymitch shrugged. "We're going on Wednesday. We always go on Wednesdays. Katniss' shrink appointment. We usually make an afternoon of it. Shopping or a movie… Whatever the girls are in the mood for."

"Oh. Perfect then." She shivered a little and hugged herself tighter. "What are you doing out here?"

His eyes were twinkling in that way. She had become very familiar with his particular brand of flirting in the last week. They were atrocious flirts when left to their own devices. The banter was incessant and she was quite enjoying it.

"Enjoying the view." he deadpanned, licking his lips before letting them stretch into one of his smirks.

She hid her own smile by giving the garden behind her an unnecessary look of appraisal. "You could do so from the comfort of your living-room if you would just listen to me and rearrange a few furniture. If you dragged that ratty armchair under the window, you could read and look outside at the same time…"

"You're obsessed with rearranging my house." he accused.

She had maybe taken it upon herself to convince him the room could be made more agreeable by moving a few things around. He was entirely reluctant to listen but she had found two small allies in Prim and Katniss. Prim was game for anything and Katniss seemed to think she wasn't wrong and the house could benefit from some light and a good spring cleaning. Despite his most wholehearted protests, the girls had insisted they kept the rainbow shelves arrangement and had begged Effie to help them do the same in their bedroom with their own books.

"I simply have an eye for decoration." she reported. "Speaking of which… Do you own a lawnmower?"

"Do you know how to use a lawnmower?" he shot back, lifting his eyebrows.

"Does that matter?" she argued.

He shrugged. "It does if you plan on using it."

She didn't even bat an eyelash. "I was planning on you using it, actually."

"Now, sweetheart…" he chuckled, standing up and slowly but surely coming to invade her space. His left hand grabbed the wooden railing on her right. He didn't cage her in on the other side but it was obvious he could have. "Why would I do that?"

"Because that dead grass is taller than Katniss and your children enjoy playing outside." she said, tilting her head to the side. "And it would be a much nicer view."

"That's part of your mastermind plan to turn my house into something more proper." he scoffed, more amused than anything.

She tugged on one of the buttons of his shirt before smoothing the creases. "It might be, yes. Think about how beautiful it would be in spring if we had flower beds around the porch."

That was assuming she would still be there next spring but…

"You're asking for a lot of work…" he pointed out, leaning in a little. His nose bumped against her cheek. "What's in it for me?"

It was the closest they had been since the night she had caught him and Chaff discussing her private affairs. She hadn't seen his friend since then, he hadn't come back around the house. They had limited themselves to word play since then. Mostly, she suspected, because they both knew it wouldn't take much to cross that line in the sand they had so much fun toying with.

"Other than the knowledge you won't risk losing the girls every time they go outside?" she teased.

His free hand found the railing on her other side so she was trapped between him and the balustrade. Not that she was complaining, though.

There was still some space between their bodies, a mockery of propriety. "Yeah… Other than that."

"What would you want?" She bit down on her bottom lip to stop herself from grinning as his body reacted to her dare by jerking forward a little.

"A lot of things." he warned. "In a lot of ways."

She chuckled. "That sounds fun."

"Yeah, it does, right?" he snorted right back. He leaned in without giving her a chance to think it through or escape, perhaps a little too frustrated by that game of cat and mouse they played. It was alright with her, she was starting to feel a little frustrated too.

His mouth was chapped and warm and unyielding. His arms came around her a moment after she realized she had locked hers around his neck.

It was a hard kiss for a first kiss.

Demanding, almost brutal… It didn't soften. There was too much heat between them, too much lust… His tongue forced its way in her mouth but she sucked it in willingly and then…

Then it was all about control and who would get it in the end.

He pressed her hard against the balustrade, one of his hands drifting south… He groped her ass for a minute and it spurred her to abandon his mouth to bite a path down the line of his jaw… His fingers clenched her flesh… The hand trailed lower, slipped under the red skirt, the tip of his fingers dipping under the elastic of her very plain panties…

When he drew back suddenly, it was almost shocking.

But, then, she heard it too, the sound of a car engine coming closer down the lane. She hastily checked her skirt was covering her and then patted her hair, her heart racing in her chest…

She was pretty certain she would have let him have her right there and then if they hadn't been interrupted.

"Fucking cockblocker…" Haymitch mumbled.

"Language." she chided, straining her neck to see the car. It was Chaff's and she wrinkled her nose. "It is just as well. I have finished the hems for Mrs Undersee. Do you mind if I borrow the car? I can pick up the girls from school on the way back. It's almost time."

He hadn't entirely let go of her and his arms briefly tightened around her. There was a small boyish pout on his mouth. "Fine."

"Do not sulk." she teased, planting a peck on his mouth. "It is unbecoming." She pecked his mouth again just because she could. And then another time. And another. And then it wasn't just a peck but a real kiss and it took all she had not to lose herself to the moment and to escape his arms. "I will see you later."

He grunted something that she couldn't interpret but he reluctantly let her go.

She was grinning like a fool when she dashed back inside to grab the woolen sweater she had never given back to him and the car keys. She used the back door to get out of the house and walk around it to the driveway. She had expected Chaff to have joined Haymitch by then so she was a little surprised to find him still leaning against his car.

She glanced at the house but if Haymitch understood what was going on he didn't let on. He was propped against the balustrade, his elbows on the wooden railing, watching them… He was too far to overhear but the fact that he was watching comforted her a little.

"Good afternoon." she offered in a curb polite tone. It wouldn't be said she was being rude.

Chaff seemed to be sizing her up. "Still here, then?"

She pursed her lips, feeling both uncomfortable and defensive. "I know you dislike me but…"

"I don't." Chaff shrugged. "Might even like you given time. That's not my concern here. My concern's Haymitch." He shook his head. "Look, you don't have the best track record with men, and Haymitch… I don't know what it is with you but you've got him bewitched, alright? Haven't seen him like that since…" He stopped talking and sighed. "Never really seen him like that, to be honest. I don't want him to get hurt that's all."

She relaxed a little. "Your concern is touching but Haymitch is a grown man. He can take care of himself."

"The girls ain't." he countered. "And they both like you too much already." He waved his stump in the air to dismiss all of that. "Look… It ain't that I have a problem with you, love. Just… If you stick around… Be sure, alright? Ain't saying it's got to be forever or some shit but… Be sure you're staying for the right reasons." He nodded at her before she could think of an answer and took two steps toward the house before stopping and turning back to face her, making a face. "Yeah, and… I'm sorry about the other night. I was being an ass. I knew you were on the stairs 'cause I heard the creaking… And… I don't know. I guess I was just being an ass and that's not okay 'cause, at the end of the day, you didn't do anything to deserve it."

She studied him, noting the tension. "You care about them."

"I love them." He scowled. "They're my family."

It was a little comforting to know he didn't have anything against her personally and so she sighed. "Tell him you and I are fine. He was a little angry about your behavior that night. Not that you had to exile yourself for a whole week over it." She unlocked the car and tossed him a last serious look. "Do not ever leer at me again the way you did, though. It was inappropriate and unwelcome."

"Yes, Ma'am." he snorted.

She hesitated before climbing in the car, darting a glance at Haymitch who was clearly growing impatient but still letting the conversation he couldn't hear play out. "I care about them too. I know it sounds crazy given the short amount of time I have known them but, please, know I would never purposefully hurt them."

A weight seemed to lift from the man's shoulders as he watched her and he grinned at her, if still cautiously. "We've got to be friends, the two of us, love. It's gonna be hard on him otherwise."

"Then, friends we will be." she declared with a smile of her own.

She slipped behind the wheel and got the car on the road, attentive not to bump into anything. She had only driven the truck a handful of times and it was much bigger than the sport cars she used to drive. She also didn't really feel confident on the dirt country roads.

She stopped at the Mayor's house to drop off Mrs Undersee's clothes with their hems all done, slightly uncomfortable in the big house that was a little too dark for her taste – too many heavy drapes on the windows blocking the light – and chatted with the woman for a while out of politeness. Then she collected her payment and continued on foot to the school because she knew it would be hard to park closer and, really, because it wasn't necessary to use the car for the short distance. This wasn't the city and she was learning to enjoy it.

People nodded at her on the street, everyone knowing everyone – or at least of everyone. Some were familiar faces, others weren't but she quite like the whole politeness of greeting strangers.

Prim rushed into her arms as soon as she was let out, already babbling about an art project or other. Katniss was more restrained, as usual, but still smiled at her when she saw her and grabbed her free hand without complain.

"Do you need us to drop you off at the bakery, dear?" Effie asked Peeta because she couldn't see the baker or his wife.

"I'm good, Miss Trinket." the boy promised but Effie still insisted, not liking the idea of a child so young having to go home alone even though the town was relatively safer than anything she had ever known.

She didn't like the baker's wife much. The way she thanked her for having walked the boy back suggested she had gone to far too much trouble for him and there was a general dismissive attitude about her when her youngest was concerned. Peeta didn't deserve that. He was a sweet boy.

The girls never asked for any treat when they were out which always puzzled Effie – because her nephews were always full of demands. Still, she bought a pie for dessert with her freshly earned money and told them to choose a flavor. After much consideration of apple versus blueberry, they settled on a blueberry pie and then they were on their way back to the car, talking Effie's ear off as usual.

She had grown used to this awfully quickly, she mused as she laughed at something Katniss said. Perhaps a part of her had always yearned for it. Not the simpler life because she wouldn't have minded having maids and a butler again – or an unlimited amount of money – but the quiet tranquility that came with a routine and children who loved her and wanted her company and the certainty of having a man who respected her waiting at home for them all… Making her own living wasn't as bad as she had feared either. It was actually satisfying to be able to say that she had earned the money by working. Of course, if Haymitch hadn't provided her with a roof and food, she would probably have found it a struggle because she didn't make that much but… It was a start, she liked to think, and maybe in time people would trust her for more than just doing hems or cutting curtains.

She was happy, she realized as she drove the car back home, the girls talking on the back seat, the smell of the pie drifting from the passenger seat where Effie had put it… The thought was surprising and a bit unsettling because it brought the second realization that she had never really been happy before. Not like that, at least.

All her childhood and adolescence was a blur of tea parties and beauty pageants, her adult life a series of proper suitors and glittering parties and forced smiles…

Trapped, that was the word that came to mind to describe it. She had been trapped.

And now… Now she was free. Free from her mother's expectations, free to be herself, whatever that might be…

"Why are you crying?" Katniss asked suddenly, a touch worried.

Effie blinked, noting too late that there were silent tears rolling down her cheeks. She batted her eyelashes, hurriedly wiping them off. "I just love the two of you very much." The gate was in sight so she slowed the car. "Be a dear and open the gate for me, darling."

Katniss was still frowning at her when she rushed out of the car to do as she was told. She ran ahead afterward and Effie let her, knowing the girl was used to running wild in the garden and would reach the house quicker than the car would thanks to a few shortcuts. She parked the truck neatly in front of the garage, noting that Chaff's car was still there. She twisted around in her seat to help Prim out of her seatbelt.

The moment the girl was free, she bolted forward and wrapped her tiny arms around her neck. "I love you too."

Effie smiled, dropping a kiss on the girl's blond head.

Someone opened the car's door from outside and Prim let out a delighted greeting at Haymitch. He hugged her before telling her to run along because Chaff was inside and really wanted to play with the two of them.

Effie used the moment to collect herself and then slipped out of the car only to find herself pinned to it. Haymitch's hand cupped her cheek, his thumb running against her cheekbone. He was frowning.

"Katniss says you've been crying." he half-stated, half-asked.

She wrapped her arms around his neck, pressing her face against his shoulder for a second, smelling him in… Then she kissed him, a lot more softly than before…

"I am just happy." she whispered.

He snorted. "Trust you to be the weepy kind of happy."

He still kissed her again. She had the feeling he purposefully kept it slow and sweet, mostly because he knew the children would come back out of the house at any moment to investigate what was taking them so long. With a little luck, Chaff would keep them busy for a while but…

She wasn't entirely surprised when Katniss shouted at them from the wrap-around porch ten minutes later, asking them what they were doing. Haymitch rolled his eyes but Effie chuckled and followed him back into the house where they were persuaded to join in on the board game Chaff had set up.

"Told you not to interrupt, kiddo." Chaff told Katniss, laughter in his voice.

"Taught her to interrupt, more like." Haymitch grumbled.

The rest of the night went into the same vein, with Chaff making teasing remarks and Haymitch muttering obscenities under his breath. He and Effie seized every opportunity to touch, letting their fingers linger every time they passed something to the other at dinner, accidentally bumping into each other… At some point, Haymitch followed her into the pantry and stole a kiss that left her seeing stars for a few seconds…

They put the girls to bed together. Haymitch read Prim the story she chose – because he did the voices better – but Effie acted the princess' part – because she was that good at swooning. It wasn't really conductive to sleep but it did bring tears of laughter to the kids' eyes.

She really had carved a place for herself there. Only because they had let her, of course, and it wasn't always easy. She had next to zero experience with young children and while Prim was as sweet as you pleased, Katniss was sometimes confrontational. And Effie often clashed with Haymitch because he was stubborn and too set in his ways but… But she could see it. She could see a future there if she let it happen. If she…

The moment they were out of the girls' room, Haymitch grabbed her around the waist and pinned her to the corridor's wall, his mouth finding hers again. The heat and tension had been so steadily building throughout dinner, with all the stolen looks and touches, that she immediately melted into him, kissing back in kind…

She was vaguely aware he was steering her toward the guest room but she was too busy running her fingers in his too long hair, learning the taste of his skin to really notice.

Her mind was lost to a cloud of lust and she only truly came back to herself with a jolt when she found herself on her bed with him on top of her, kissing hard, hands wandering under clothes…

Be sure, Chaff had begged. And she was. Mostly.

She broke off the kiss and he let his mouth wandered down her jaw, down her collarbone… He slid down her body and pushed her sweater up, dropping frantic kisses on her stomach, moving upward…

The thing was, she had been sure before.

Sure that marrying Seneca was the right thing, sure that she didn't really have better options than saying yes to whoever her mother deemed suitable, sure that she would go through with the various weddings… And she never had. Because when it came down to commitment, true commitment, she perhaps wasn't the best.

"Haymitch." she called, a little uncertain.

His mouth had reached her plain bra, though, and while she was a little ashamed to be seen in underwear that were nothing pretty or sexy, he didn't seem to mind it overly much. He nuzzled her breasts, kissed each of them in turn and started pushing the cup down, his thumb bumped into her hardened nipple, sending a jolt of desire straight down…

She didn't really want to stop him.

Sex, to her, had always been an easy thing. She was completely at ease with her body, confident in it. And she had been taught early on that her sexuality was a weapon best exploited. It hadn't always been good but she didn't care about that as much as she probably should.

She had no doubt Haymitch would make it good.

The thing was, she also doubted sex with him would be as meaningless as she was used to.

Be sure, Chaff's voice kept reminding her.

She didn't want to break Haymitch's heart and, for all his protests that he was old and bitter and didn't have a heart to break, she knew it was exactly what would happen if it all became too much for her and she panicked and fled later on.

Sex felt like a commitment with him.

"Haymitch." she said more firmly, gently placing a hand on his shoulder. She wasn't certain at which point she had half unbuttoned it but his shirt hung loose around his torso and it was only kept in place by the row of buttons from midriff downward.

He placed another kiss on her breast with a frustrated groan and moved back up, clearly intending to kiss her. He stopped when their eyes met.

His grey eyes were almost dark with lust and it made her want this even more. Why was she stopping it? She wanted it. They both wanted it. And once it would be out of their system perhaps…

She wanted to do the right thing more than she wanted an orgasm, the sensible voice in her head reminded her.

She wanted to be sure she wanted to commit before they had sex. She felt a jolt of panic at the thought of wedding dresses and churches and what not and forced herself to not be stupid. Not that kind of commitment. Simply… Being sure she wasn't staying with them out of desperation, that she wanted to stay, that she wanted to build something real…

"Too much?" he asked, his voice rough.

It was on the tip of her tongue to answer not enough and to tug him back down on her but…

She closed her eyes, took a deep breath… It didn't help that she could feel his hardness against her thigh. Her body was very interested in it. It wanted it buried deep inside.

"Chaff is right." she whispered. "I do not have the best track record with men and I do not want to add you to a list of men I would have accidentally humiliated. I want to… I want to be sure I won't run for the hills in a week before we… take it further. I don't want to hurt you."

He studied her for a moment and then rolled off her to glare at the ceiling.

"Chaff…" he muttered. "…should really mind his own business."

"I'm sorry." She rolled on her side, reached for his shoulder tentatively, her face pleading. "I want to. I do. I just worry that…"

"Hey, no." he scoffed, turning his head to frown at her. "You don't say sorry to me 'cause you don't wanna fuck. Ever." He rolled his eyes. "All the more so when you're being all noble and shit, worrying about my feelings." There was a mocking edge to his words, as if she was being a little ridiculous, but he softened it by linking their fingers together. "The no sex thing yet… Doesn't mean we can't fool around, yeah?"

She chuckled. "No, we can definitely fool around. Fooling around is actually encouraged."

"Okay." He shrugged. "Then I can live with that."

"It is not forever." she promised.

"Course not." he snorted. "You can't resist me."

She laughed, whacking his shoulder in protest. "I can't resist you? You are always watching me like you are particularly hungry…"

"I am." he conceded. "But I can hold off. You're gonna beg for sex first."

"Oh, is that a bet, then?" she grinned.

"Seems like it." He smirked and leaned in, kissing her slow, tilting her head up just so he could drop a series of feather-soft kisses down her throat, tugging her sweater back down to cover her chest in the same move… "You take the time you need to sort your head out, yeah?" he said gently when she expected a joke of some sort. "I can wait. There's no rush."

He planted another kiss on her lips and then left her bed.

She wanted to ask him to stay, if only to sleep, but she knew there was no way they wouldn't do more than sleep if he lied back down next to her…

Soooo... They kissed and almost did it! hahaha who wants to thank Chaff for putting ideas in Effie's head? How do you think it will go with the sister? How long will they manage to hold on before Effie caves and decides she wants to commit? Let me know your thoughts!