•-п-Ж-п-•

Death had a twisted sense of humour - no shinobi could deny that.

But the last person whose life Shizune had expected to fade away was Ebisu.

Reality had taken a while to sink in. Only now it was clear as day that she would never feel his calloused hand clasping hers, never rest her head against his shoulder as he absently toyed with stray wisps of her hair, and never look into those eyes again - the eyes that had stared straight into hers, silently assuring her that the world of shinobi would see light once again, no longer plagued by war and bloodshed. But what hurt most of all was the knowledge that the man who had held her close during the darkest of days, the man who had glued her back together when she was broken, the man whose quirks never failed to endear her - was gone.

She knew that their lives were like candle flames - they burned as brightly, but were just as easy to snuff out. He had been torn from her too early. She couldn't snatch him back from the gaping jaws of death, no matter how much she desired.

She had cried for him.

She had screamed for him.

She had ached for him.

Ebisu was more than just her lover – he was her soulmate and best friend. He knew what hurt her the most, yet he had never exploited that knowledge. He had seen her at her most vulnerable, when she was nothing more than a scared little girl with blood on her hands and scars on her heart.

Yet, in some mysterious way, he had still cared for her.

Shizune ached to hold him one last time, ached to hear his voice, ached to see his eyes crinkle with mirth when he smiled just once more. But most of all, she ached to merely speak to him again, confide her thoughts in him - he would always listen. But now, she had lost him to the war.

She couldn't save him.

The memory of his death was still fresh in her mind. She could still remember how he had been impaled right through the heart during the Ten-Tails' attack an attempt to save her life. She had crouched beside him and held his hand during his last moments, ignoring the screams of terror and cries of anguish in the background. He had squeezed her hand with his own trembling one reassuringly, despite the fact that he would never return once death took hold of him.

Since the moment his heart had ceased to beat and his grip had gone slack, her guilt was an animal, fretting its claws at her resolve and widening the hollow inside of her. Why did he have to die? Why couldn't she stop him from being so reckless? Was there even a need to spill blood for the fruitless conquest to achieve peace that was war?

Sometimes, she wondered why she had even chosen life as a shinobi. Was the pain really worth it?

The wind howled in the fiercest of ways as she entered Konoha's only cemetery, clasping a bouquet of roses for him in her clammy hands. The sky was dappled pink and grey like the belly of a trout and the sun was slowly disappearing behind the clouds, which were an ominous shade of grey that signalled an impending storm. Gravel crunched beneath her feet as she made her way to the spot where Ebisu was buried, looking out for the familiar stone that marked his grave.

Sighing, she knelt down beside the spot and placed the flowers next to the old ones, wringing her hands as she sat in silence, her thoughts in a tangle. She couldn't bring herself to utter a single word, even though there were many things that she wanted to say. Shaking her head, she smoothed down her dress as she rose, casting another glance at his gravestone. If she wanted to say something, she'd better say it now.

Even though it had been nearly a year since his demise, not a day went by when she didn't think of him - when she didn't wish that he was still by her side. She had stroked Moegi's hair as she cried and wiped Udon and Konohamaru's tears at the man's funeral, wondering how she would face the days ahead.

'I miss you so, Ebisu.'

But even though his death had broken her heart, she could still love him with every piece.

•