title: illuminated

summary: "There's a lot in the past—good, bad and obscure—that people shut their eyes to. Yet, there comes a time when they open those eyes and illuminate that past. Because more often than not, these are the moments that help make us." A companion piece to the Simplicity & Clandestine stories. [A series of One-Shots focused on characters' history.]

disclaimer: if you recognize it, it belongs to JKR. All OCs are mine!

06. bad blood

summary: 'As the friendship goes, resentment grows. We will walk our different ways. But those are the days that bind us together, forever.' They'd always be brothers, but they wouldn't always be family. Life was funny that way.

main characters: Xander Jensen & Demetrius Jensen

genre: family/friendship/angst

rating: T

"Those brothers fought like no other but that was still his brother, you know, and he tried to look out for him like brothers do…"

"Which is probably why you never turned my father in," Angeline muttered.

"Yes," Xander said strongly and unashamedly. "He is my brother and I did love him once."

Once upon a time, Xander Jensen was proud to call Demetrius Jensen his big brother. Older by two years, Demetrius was everything that a young Xander wanted to be. His big brother could do no wrong. His brother was everything.

Of course they had their moments, they were siblings after all and only siblings would understand the rivalry that would inevitably form. Especially when so close in age. But no one expected for them to fall out in the way that they did.

No one expected them to turn out so different from one another.

No one expected one to be driven by power and the other by love.

Both brothers were charismatic. Both of them were intelligent. Both of them were ambitious.

Yet, they were as different as night and day.

Xander spent years trying to figure out the moment he had lost his brother. If by some grace he could have saved him.

But Xander knew better.

You couldn't save anyone that didn't want saving.

But he tried anyway. Because that's what brothers did. That's what family did.

He'd tried most of his teen life and most of his twenties trying to reach his brother. But there were three moments that always came to him.

Three specific times he tried. Three specific times he failed.

The first, was when they were still at Hogwarts. The second, was in the middle of the first war. The third and final time had been six years after the war.

It was that third time that Xander was the most ashamed of. The one that made him feel as if he had failed the most.

21 December 1973

"What do you mean you're not coming home?" Xander frowned.

"I don't have time for Christmas this year, Alexander," Demetrius responded.

Xander continued to frown as he watched his brother pour over his textbooks and notes. Tests had been completed days prior, but it didn't stop his brother from isolating himself in his room or in the library. Only in the company of the select few; Xander was never one of them.

Of course, when asked, Demetrius told him he should be studying for his OWLs just as hard as he was studying for his NEWTs, but Xander didn't think his brother was studying for his NEWTs.

"No time for Christmas?" Xander asked. "No time for family?" he continued. "That's absurd, Metri, you love Christmas."

"I've told you to not call me, Metri. We're not children anymore, Alexander," Demetrius sighed impatiently. "Christmas is nothing more than a distraction from the important things. I have no time for such a frivolous holiday."

"Stop acting like you're so grown, Metri," Xander growled. "And stop acting like you're above spending time with your family. Like I said you love Christmas."

"Things have changed," Demetrius glared up from his work, "I don't have time this year. I have things I need to complete before I graduate."

"And it can wait," Xander continued.

"In favor of what? To sit around a tree, listen to stories we've heard a million times? To childishly go out and throw snowballs?"

"To spend time with your family," Xander stomped his foot. He knew it was childish and at fifteen he should have known better, but his brother just wasn't getting it. "I don't care if you don't want to spend time with me. But what's so important that you can't spend two weeks with your mother and father?"

Xander moved closer to his brother, and Demetrius jumped to his feet, slamming the book close with a loud snap and he glared at him. Xander watched him with eyes wide. He had never seen his brother with that look on his face.

It was almost deranged…

What have you been doing, Demetrius? Where is my brother?

It was just as the thought came to him that his brother's face changed into something he could recognize. And suddenly he was his brother again and not something else calling itself, Demetrius Jensen.

"I'm sorry, Alex," Demetrius said, he was the only one to call him that and it should have made Xander feel better, but it didn't. "I'm just stressed," he said. "I'll have to leave Hogwarts soon and my life will begin anew. You understand, yes?"

"Yes, I do understand," Xander muttered. "But you shouldn't push us away…" he said. You shouldn't push me away, why don't you talk to me anymore? We were close, weren't we? "You know father hasn't been doing well…mother wrote recently, he has his good days and his bad days, but she says he's been looking forward to having us home for the holidays."

Demetrius ran a hand through his hair and shifted his glance just slightly.

"Alex, don't use that card on me," he said as he looked back at him. "I just…" he trailed off and looked at his notes and shook his head, "Fine, fine. I'll come home, but when I say leave me alone you've got to do as I say. I need to study."

"Yeah, yeah, sure," Xander nodded. He should have felt happy that his brother was coming home, yet, he wasn't. Because he still couldn't help but feel like this was not his brother. Not really.

"Great, now, I've got somewhere to be," he said as he started to pack his stuff. Xander watched him and it was the first time that the text of the textbook that his brother had caught his eye.

There was magic on it, a cloaking spell to hide the real name, but it was fading. That was why it had caught his eye.

"Metri," Xander started slowly, just as the book disappeared into his brother's bag.

"Hm," Demetrius hummed looking at him. "What is it?"

Xander didn't want to get into a row with his brother, even though the fact that his brother had masked the title of his book was concerning…the last thing he wanted was his brother to be angry with him. Even if he was very concerned about what he was up to…he just knew it wasn't good.

So he shook his head, "I'm really glad you're coming home tomorrow," he said. Demetrius studied him a moment before chuckling and lifting his bag with its mysterious contents to his shoulder and started around the table.

"You know, Alex," he said, stopping right beside him. "You are rather annoying," he said, then he smiled. A smile that Xander couldn't remember seeing on his brother's face in a very long time. The same smile that always made Xander smile no matter what, and that's exactly what he did.

Demetrius shook his head, before he ruffled Xander's hair, "But despite you being so annoying, I do love you, remember that, okay?" he said.

"And I you," Xander responded. Demetrius shook his head again and patted Xander on the shoulder.

"I'll see you later, brother."

"Yeah," Xander said. As his brother left, Xander's smile faded and he was frowning again. His brother was not the same, but he was still his brother and he had gotten him to come home for Christmas.

He shouldn't worry…it was just a book…

It was just a book.

10 April 1980

"You're going to be a father soon, Demetrius," Xander shook his head in disbelief. "And this is how you spend your time?"

"I'm quite aware that I'm going to be a father," Demetrius said. "I'm doing what I'm doing for him or her."

Xander scoffed, "How is serving You Know Who really for the better of your son or daughter? For your wife?"

"Because when the Dark Lord gains full control, he will provide benefits for us," Demetrius responded. He looked up from the map he had been studying. "Why are you here, Alexander? Other than to be the usual pain in my arse."

"I'm trying to talk some sense into you!" Xander yelled. "We're brothers! Dad's gone and mum hasn't been well! Neither of us should be like this, they wouldn't want us like this and I can't watch you go on like this any longer. Think about Celeste. Do you really think this is what is best for her?"

"My wife isn't your concern, Alexander. She's doing fine," Demetrius said. "Besides, what happens if I refuse to see sense as you say, brother? Will you proceed to name me to your precious friends—what's left of them?"

Xander's jaw clenched as he stared his brother down, he hated what they became. He hated how different they have become. He should have confronted him seven years ago when he saw that book of his. When he noticed his strange behavior. He shouldn't have waited.

"What a fierce look," Demetrius chuckled. "I've struck a nerve. Oh well, even if you do try to name me to your friends, I would never let you leave to do such a thing," he said. "A shame it would be to have to kill you before your daughter could really know you. And poor Vivianne, a widow and single mother at twenty-two. Not much different from the Zabinis, hm? They say Nico Zabini was brave until the very end, too bad his son will never know him."

Xander crossed his arms, "We both know that if you were going to kill me you would have done it a long time ago."

"Just as if you were going to name me, you wouldn't have come here to what you called giving me a chance."

Demetrius was right, but Xander couldn't name his brother. Even if he were…what he had become.

"After all this time, we're still playing with toy wands," Demetrius shook his head. "I look at you and I still see that brat that looked up to me. What do you see when you look at me, brother?"

"I see someone that can be saved."

Demetrius frowned, not glared like Xander was so used to seeing these days.

"Saved?" Demetrius tested the word, then shook his head again. "I don't think I need saving. The faster you get that through your head, the less it will all hurt."

"We're family and I—"

"You should leave, Alex," his brother cut him off. It had been a long time that his brother had called him Alex. But there was sincerity to the way he spoke his name, one that Xander wasn't expecting to hear; a tone that told him his brother was still in there somewhere. "Go home to your wife and child. There's no need for you to be here any longer."

"Metri," Xander sighed, and his brother frowned. "Please consider your choices. It's not too late"

"I've made my choice," he said as he turned his back. "And that's telling you to go home, Alex."

20 June 1987

He wasn't sure how they had gotten to this point, but here they stood. Xander holding a stack of papers he had come across. Dark magic, pureblood propaganda, letters with talk of arranged marriage…it went on.

Xander shouldn't have let his brother off so easy. He should have turned him in. Demetrius hadn't changed at all in the six years since the war had ended.

He might be worse now trying to turn his daughter into something she was not. In talks of arranging marriage to Nathaniel Blishwick of all people. He was a child but one with a nasty attitude.

"You can't be serious, Demetrius," Xander said slamming the papers down. "You cannot be serious. You're still partaking in the nonsense that could have sent you to Azkaban? And what's this about you arranging marriage for your daughter? You and I both married for love as did our parents, why would you deny your child something such as that?"

Demetrius stared at him, his eyes holding on contempt. There was no longer an under-layer of fondness that Xander could usually detect. And for the first time, he did not care. Because Demetrius Jensen was no brother of his.

"Who are you to go through my things, Alexander?" he finally asked. "What I partake in is none of your business."

"It does when I was willing to forgive you. When you showed up on my door when the fighting stopped. When I have allowed my daughter to be anywhere near you!"

"You're the foolish one here," Demetrius responded. "You're no prisoner, you can leave when you want and not come back. It is of none of my concern."

Xander's jaw clenched tightly, he knew he could have stopped entertaining his brother long ago. But his heart was not with his brother during these times.

There was more to why he continued to have family holidays with his brother. It was because deep down he knew that his brother would try his damndest to ruin Angeline Jensen. At first, the first three years of her life, Demetrius doted on her, loved her as a parent should love their child. But Xander watched as something shifted in his brother and with it, the treatment of his niece changed.

Xander knew his brother would try to destroy that little girl. And that little girl deserved the world of her own making, not the one that his brother was trying to put her in.

He couldn't count on Celeste Jensen, the girl's mother, to make sure she was taken well care of. It was as though Celeste was afraid of the girl rather than afraid for her.

Xander didn't have a doubt that one day Angeline would be capable of protecting herself, but right now, she was a child…

"Don't do this to her," Xander said. "Don't feed her things you didn't believe growing up. Don't raise her in the environment you only read about…" he looked at Celeste for the first time. "Don't take away her freedom to choose."

Celeste's blue eyes widened a fraction and she made to speak but was cut short.

"We aren't giving her away to Nathaniel Blishwick," Demetrius said. Xander looked at his brother. "I expect better for her. Don't you understand that, Alexander. You think your way of parenting is better. My daughter will bring great honor to this family and that will be under our care and not yours."

"Your care?" Xander snapped. "What care? You belittle her! You've ignored her since the moment she showed an ounce of independence. What you call care, I call abuse. You have no love for her! She'd be better off elsewhere."

"Where with you?" Demetrius laughed. "You have always been a self-righteous pain in the arse," he growled. "You have done nothing but undermine what I have tried to teach her! You have come around and you act like you have done me a favor by not having the tenacity to speak against me. For holding on to these familial ties that supposedly hold us together as brothers. You are weak, Alexander. And if you don't like the way I raise my family then you are welcome to leave. In fact, I forbid you to come back or be in contact with my daughter. You have the house in the country and we'll stay away from there. But we—you and I—are family no longer."

Xander eyes narrowed, so this was it…

"How long have you been waiting to say that?" he asked. "It sounds awfully practiced, Demetrius."

"I should have never come to you," Demetrius said. "But I never suspected you would want to control or tell me how to raise my family. Then I suppose, I should have seen it because you have always had a way of sticking your nose where it doesn't belong. I mean what I said, you're not welcomed here."

Xander looked at Celeste as if she would have backed him up and she only lowered her gaze to the side wall.

"Celeste, you certainly can't believe this is healthy for your family," he said. "You certainly can't think that the environment that my brother provides is stable and productive for your child. Angeline's a bright girl and smarter than most give her credit, she deserves to have an expanded mind, to not be hindered with and weighed down by the ideologies of a time way before any of us were ever a thought!"

"How I raise my child is of no concern of yours, Alexander," Demetrius snapped once more.

"It is when you're trying to instill thoughts that our own parents didn't instill in us!" Xander snapped back. "Say something Celeste!"

His sister-in-law finally looked at him and Xander already knew he wasn't going to like what she said next. Because for some twisted reason, Celeste loved his brother and he didn't know why.

Because Xander could not say he loved his own brother.

And that hurt. Because once upon a time, they were those brilliant, Jensen Boys. Now what they were, were those broken, Jensen Men.

"You ought to leave, Xander," Celeste said. "You're not welcome in our home anymore."

With a shake of his head, Xander looked to his brother once more because he still hoped that he could reach his brother just one last time. But when his brother simply stared back, indifferently with the tiniest tick of smugness, he almost screamed, but there were guests and children in the house.

"Very well," Xander said, straightening, "I will simply say my goodbyes then."

"Make them swift," Demetrius said. "Or I have no choice but to evict you myself. And we both would like to avoid a scene."

Xander scoffed, "Of course, Demetrius," he said. "Just remember as I said, that little girl is far more intelligent than you want to give her credit. So when she grows up to hate you, you only have yourself to blame. And you Celeste, you should be ashamed."

He didn't wait for a response nor to see the look on either face as he left the room, slamming the door behind him. His wife, Vivianne was standing against the wall, her face solemn.

"It's unlike you to eavesdrop," he mumbled. "But surely you know we're not welcomed here," he said.

"Gisele is unhappily packing already…she doesn't understand why," she paused, pushing off the wall to stand in front of him. "Angeline's with Draco," Vivianne said, her brown eyes moving to make eye contact with him. "I've told her we had to go," she told him, "But…" another pause as her eyes drifted past him again and he watched as tears sprang to her eyes and she slightly tilted her chin.

Glancing over his shoulder he saw his seven year old niece looking at them, her head tilted to the side curiously. Green eyes staring at them with far more wisdom than any seven year old should have had.

"I'll help Gisele pack," Vivianne muttered before turning to head for the stairs.

Turning completely, Xander faced his niece. He took the steps to meet her at the other end of the hall.

"Uncle Xander," her tiny voice sounded when he was close. "Aunt Vivianne said you had to go…"

He dropped to her level and he rubbed her shoulders, "I'm afraid so, Angie," he said.

"Oh," Angeline frowned, her gaze going to the door he had come from then back to his face, "Can I go with you?"

Xander's heart sank as he looked into those hopeful eyes of hers. She was so young, yet she had perhaps seen far too much than she should have for her age. Though, despite that she always seemed to be so hopeful, so ready to believe and to help others.

And the last thing he wanted to do was to be one of the reasons she didn't shine anymore, why she wasn't hopeful, why she cried. He couldn't save his brother and by extension he couldn't save his niece. Not without causing her hurt.

"I wish you could come with us, Angeline," he said softly, "But your father and I," he paused, "It's a bit complicated, love, but I promise that you'll see us again."

She blinked owlishly at him before she hung her head, "Okay," she said.

"Oi, don't do that," he said, tapping her chin to look at him, "Never hang your head, alright? You're a bright girl, and you're strong. Never let anyone tell you differently alright?"

"But father he—"

"Your father is rarely right," Xander said. "And I bet you know that," he said. "Now I want you to remember something, can you do that for me?"

Slowly, she nodded.

"Alright," he said, "I want you to remember that no matter how long we're apart that I will always love you," he told her. "No matter how long, your cousin and your aunt love you with all their heart. Remember you are never alone and that you can always find happiness, if you just remember to keep your head up and to keep looking forward. And always remember, be strong. Can you remember to do that?"

"Yes," she said. "I can remember…"

Xander smiled and opened his arms to her, "Come on," he said. "Always an invitation with you."

Angeline grinned and threw herself into his arms. Her little arms squeezed his neck and he had to keep from just scooping her up and declaring to his brother that he was taking her with him.

But he couldn't put this small child through a trial. Especially, when he didn't know if he would win.

He heard the sound of the door opening and not long after a soft cough. Xander pulled away from Angeline and looked over his shoulder at her mother.

"Xander," Celeste spoke, "Demetrius requests to speak with Angeline…"

Xander didn't say a word to her as he turned to look at the girl again, she stared back at him, her smile gone.

"Goodbye Uncle Xander," she mumbled before walking around him and toward the room her mother had come from.

He stood up straight and he heard the door close and when he did he turned and faced Celeste.

"Don't give me that look, Alexander," she said immediately. "You have no say in how I raise my—"

"You're right I don't," he said. "But one day you'll wake up with regrets if you don't do the right thing."

"And what's that?"

Xander shrugged and started for the stairs, "Don't ask questions you already know the answers to," he said and continued on his way. "Just count yourself lucky if she ever grows up to ever forgive you. Give her the chance to be who she wants to be, not who my brother thinks she should be. All of us were raised to choose who we were, do not take that from her."

Present Day

"Those brothers fought like no other but that was still his brother, you know, and he tried to look out for him like brothers do…"

"Which is why you never turned my father in," Angeline muttered. She was avoiding eye contact with him as she said it. And he himself could not blame her as he looked out toward the trees.

"Yes," Xander said strongly and unashamedly. "He is my brother and I did love him once," he told her.

He could feel Angeline glancing toward him out of the corner of her eye for a moment, but he didn't look at her to confirm it as his mind replayed three specific times in his life he failed.

He knew she wanted to ask him what it was he thought about, but he was grateful she didn't, because he was truthfully ashamed of the events. Because had he done more during those times, she wouldn't have that look on her face now.

The look of someone struggling with coming to terms with an emotion she had mostly repressed.

But he knew that despite that he failed, she grew up to be a brave young woman.

Full disclosure: I wrote this approximately 5 years ago and I'm just now posting it. Why? Quarantine. I hope you and your families are staying safe. If you need someone to talk to my inbox is always open to you.

I hope you enjoyed this as much as I have. Xander Jensen is clearly a favorite of mine and I wanted to give a little insight to relationship he has had with Demetrius over the years.

With that said, thank you to those that have read thus far. I appreciate you all very much.

Please take good care of yourselves!

Much love,
TR