Ogre Slayin'
An Akame Ga Kill spamfic
This is a silly little thing that was inspired from a scene I did in a Goblin Slayer fic.
I do not own the rights to AGK or the other anime which makes a brief appearance in this.
C+C appreciated tsommer
Most of my stuff is stored at while the naughtier stuff is stored at mediaminer
This takes place during the second episode when Tatsumi is about to kill Captain Ogre. Because the fic's title is Ogre Slayin' and it wouldn't make a ton of sense if it occurred elsewhere.
So let's get on with it…
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Tatsumi was on his knees before Captain Ogre. He had just gotten to his pitch about wanting to join the Imperial Guard to drop the big man's guard (and the repetition was intentional as a sort of gallows humor he was trying to cultivate since he wanted to be an assassin). Once Tatsumi saw an opening, he would cut the butcher down and prove his worth to the Night Raid. He watched the big man turn his back to Tatsumi as he rejected what he thought was a weak man in both strength and character.
Tatsumi tensed up, and was about to strike, when a voice at the opening of the alley yelled, "Wait! Wait!" It was a pleading wail which captured both men's attention.
The newcomer ran as fast as he could. He was a generic looking fellow in generic looking clothing with a generic looking sword at his waist. He stopped before them, huffing and nearly doubled over. Clearly his cardio was not up to snuff.
Finally he caught his breath. "Are one of you known as Captain Ogre?"
Ogre, curious but still tense, acknowledged he was.
The man smiled. "Great. I was afraid you'd already be dead."
Ogre looked accusingly at Tatsumi which made him wince. Damn, his desire to catch the man unaware hadn't worked. And all because this idiot had blown it. Now it would be the hard way.
Ogre sneered at Tatsumi. "Please, this helpless little runt couldn't kill me."
"That's what you think." Tatsumi's hand gripped his sword hilt.
Now the generic fellow said to Tatsumi, "Stop! Don't force me to kill you."
"You're going to kill me over my dead body." Tatsumi warned, then realized the stupidity of the statement.
Captain Ogre shook his head sadly as the recent arrival said, "Still new to this?"
"Yeah," Tatsumi admitted.
"Well I'm not. I've been at this since the 90's." The man struck a bold pose and went into speech mode, which as near as Tatsumi could tell was a free action. "I am he who was torn from the womb with a sword in his hand. My fate carved into my soul. I am destined to kill that which I sprang from. I-."
"Hey, buddy, you're dragging it out and it's getting redundant. " Tatsumi might have had little experience with this sort of thing, but even he could tell as an introduction this was going on too long. And it hadn't felt like it was ending any time soon.
Captain Ogre nodded. "I usually just go with, 'Now you're going to die.' It works because then I kill them."
The generic man sighed. "Fine. I'm Ogre Slayer."
Tatsumi stared at him in confusion. "If you want to kill Captain Ogre, why are you trying to save him?"
"I owe you money, don't I?" Captain Ogre asked.
Ogre Slayer shook his head. "Don't even know what the currency is around here. No. As it turns out, Ogre Slayer isn't just my name; it's my job description."
"Oh, good. I hate owing people money. Plays hell with my credit rating. And since you just admitted you're here to kill me… now you're going to die!"
Captain Ogre's sword had barely been drawn an inch from its scabbard when Ogre Slayer's blade was out, the remaining distance covered, and he swung. The captain's head went flying. It missed the empty basket Ogre Slayer had been aiming for and plopped next to it with a wet thud.
"Damn! Pulled it to the left. I wanted a cool first kill to introduce myself." Ogre Slayer flicked the blood from his blade with a twist of the wrist.
Tatsumi looked on in horror. "You jerk! I wanted to kill him! He was my assignment. Now Night Raid isn't going to let me join their ranks." His shoulders slumped in defeat.
Ogre Slayer moved next to him. "Don't worry about it. You can partner up with me. It'll be a much better deal. I'm new to these parts and need a guide. Once we go ogre killing, you'll forget all about hooking up with a bunch of losers going out on panty raids."
"Nothing about 'night' sounds the least bit like 'panties' in any language." Tatsumi scratched his head. "And what do you mean by 'go ogre killing'?"
He looked at Tatsumi as though he were a very dim-witted child. "My name is Ogre Slayer. I am here to kill ogres and chew bubblegum. And I'm all out of bubblegum."
"You're also all out of ogres since you killed the only one." Tatsumi doubted he came up with that phrase on his own: it sounded too good. It had to be stolen.
"What do you mean, 'only one'? I assumed this world was rife with ogres. I mean, when I heard there was a Captain Ogre here I figured there'd be more. You can't have just one ogre. It doesn't make sense. Where did he come from? Immaculate conception? His parents were ogres. They had to be."
"Nope. I read the dossier Night Raid had on him before targeting him for assassination." Night Raid had been thorough on their targets. "He was actually born Francis Pansyass. Yes, that's an actual name. I couldn't believe it either. He was bullied a lot as a kid because it's pretty much obligatory when you have a name like that. In hindsight constant bullying might have contributed to his becoming a psychopath. When he came of age he changed it to Ogre. It might be better than Pansyass, but it's still a stupid name, Ogre Slayer." He emphasized the name heavily. "But, yeah, there are no other ogres anywhere."
Ogre Slayer threw down his sword. "This just sucks. I heard about a contemporary series with ogres and immediately jumped to it. Especially when I learned they had a streaming deal. Now my plans are undone. I need some kind of name recognition. My series was obscure back in the 90's when there was less competition. If I don't earn street cred with some modern-day ogre slaying, I might go from 'obscure' to 'forgotten', like all those other series I can't name because I forgot them. I'm on a real Ozymandias path here."
"He's a pretty popular character," Tatsumi pointed out.
"The poem by Shelly! Not a name hijacked by some hack, to say nothing of the plot being plagiarized! Only going full fanfic could have been more pathetic!"
Tatsumi nodded in agreement. Fanfiction was the most pathetic low a human could stoop to. He wondered if some such authors were on Night Raid's 'to kill' list. One thing was certain if that was so: every one of them would have it coming.
"But in any case you've made my point about being Ozymandias," Ogre Slayer said. "Most people have already forgotten where the name originally came from. And I'm so obscure I'm not even going to have two vast trunkless legs of stone in a desert or anywhere else. It'll be like I never existed," He wailed pathetically.
It was at that moment Tatsumi snuck off, praying the loser didn't follow him. He had to ditch him, because there was no bigger albatross around the neck than an old fossil whose time had come and gone -assuming he had one in the first place- trying to find relevance by attaching themselves to something popular. The others would understand. They wouldn't want an aging female assassin from two decades ago showing up on their doorstep and trying to steal their thunder by joining. Besides, aging relics reeked of desperation. You didn't want to reek of desperation. It made you seem desperate.
A cry of, "Why won't someone make something with ogres to kill?" echoed back to Tatsumi.
Yep, just like that.
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[End shortfic]
Yes, I couldn't resist bringing Ogre Slayer back one more time. I still remember nothing about him other than the ogre slaying. But hey, there was on ogre in Akame Ga Kill, sort of, so perfect for a crossover… fusion… whatever the hell you would categorize this as. It was as natural as putting Hale Noche Guu and Hikaru No Go together since they have the same initials. Subtle genius I call it.
Yay, I did used a series more contemporary than Crystal Triangle. And congrats if you remember that turd of a movie. Sadly, I vaguely remember it.
Yes, Moore did steal the plot from the Outer Limits episode, 'The Architects of Fear'. It's not a coincidence. You can still love Watchmen anyway. It is what it is and entails a lot more things anyway.
You should read the poem Ozymandias by Shelly. I don't like poetry and even I liked it.