Escape From School Garden
Misfortunate_Reunions
The master of Academy City, a man with innumerable and contradictory descriptors to his appearance and personality, Aleister Crowley watches the footage of the battles between Kumagawa Misogi and the various factors involved with the incident surrounding Fraulein Kreutune.
Though the matters concerning the older personality of Kakine Teikoku had been settled by many others besides himself, Kumagawa had certainly had his hand in defeating him. The fact that Kakine, the second ranked level 5, had not only come into contact with Kumagawa's twisted Skill but also became able to use it himself was also an event to be taken note of. If it weren't for that Minus interfering, things would have ended much sooner according to Aleister's calculations. Not to mention much less messier than it had been.
Footage of Kamijou Touma screaming as he tears his own arm off to stop Kumagawa flashes on one of the many floating screens in front of Aleister.
Even after many, many revisions to his multifaceted plan, the power that leaked out from the torn wound at that time wasn't accounted for anywhere. Considering how much of a wildcard he was, it was to be expected from Kumagawa to do the unexpected. That force was supposed to be something that should never have been presented, at least not yet.
But even so, Aleister smiles at what he sees.
"Has anyone told you how creepy that smile is?"
Aleister cancels out of all the screens, forcing them to disappear into nothingness, as he stares down the schoolgirl in the sailor uniform, Ajimu Najimi.
"Honestly it just reminds me of that loser. Then again, you really are similar. It makes me wonder if that might have something to do with why you've been so half-assed about removing him from this shitty story."
Aleister's eyes close at Ajimu's smug grin.
"I don't see what you mean. If I act too overtly, others might realize that I'm still alive."
"True. It's so weird though. Isn't Kamijou the linchpin of that plan? Why would you be fine with Kumagawa being so close to him? I know you don't care about success or failure in the details leading up to your goal but there will be more of the latter than the former by letting him do as he pleases."
"His unpredictability is something that can be trusted to happen regardless of whatever I do. His bad luck is rather infectious but removing him isn't something I can do until all the right circumstances are aligned. Shokuhou Misaki was only used because you had suggested her to me otherwise, I would have just waited. Though while we're on the topic of questioning one another, why are you so impatient about this? I would have figured that someone who is six trillion, eight hundred four billion, three hundred eighty-seven million, six hundred forty-four thousand, six hundred twenty-two years old would have learned how to wait for things by now."
Her gleeful chuckle echoes throughout the chamber.
"For a deviant magician among deviant magicians, you really are just too dense. Everyone knows not to talk of a woman's age so casually. But my, has it really been that long since I had died in that manga? Time sure does fly!"
"Don't ignore me, hag."
Her expression had only changed with her eyelids dropping halfway but the temperature goes with it.
"Boy, have you grown some balls. I have been cooperating with you only to get rid of Kumagawa but if you want things to be like that, I don't mind. But I'd also add that you need to cool that temper of yours, wannabe non-human. At least if you really intend to continue with everything after I'm through with you."
A sigh escapes Aleister, the bubbles going with it.
"It's my fault for provoking you like this but I'm too tired of how you run from things you're uncomfortable with my asking about.
Just as sudden as her rage been to set off, it gets blown away by her snickering.
"Jeeze and to think that you were so spineless in front of me not too long ago when you had pissed me off before. Either you've had some character development when I wasn't looking or the author is really out of touch with the character he had set up in the beginning."
"It had been some time before we had even seen each other when we discussed what happened in Baggage City. I had gotten used to that disposition of yours when we had worked together in the past but that tolerance had obviously decreased in the intervening time. Now I'm back to being able to cope with that anger being directed at me. You still need to use me in your actual plan, correct? I doubt all that planning and time being put into my early development was meant just for beating Kumagawa so cut the bluffing."
No words, no movement. Just her continued use of that small smile, full of contempt for all she surveys.
"With that said, I will repeat my question. Why are you so impatient about removing Kumagawa from this world?"
"...Is it so wrong? He's a threat to my plans as well as yours."
"Which is why I can't understand why you have been so, to borrow your words, half-assed about getting him out of here. You may not be able to be in this level of reality for long without damaging it, but you have other methods right? Or are you still so attached to him?"
Her laugh at Aleister's interrogation was as empty of emotion as her eyes.
"Of course I am."
Aleister's eyes go wide, his feelings showing on his face for the first time since the conversation started. He was sure she was going to deny it.
"What?"
She turns around with her hands clasped behind her back as she slowly walks away.
"We've had this discussion already haven't we? He was...someone that I had high hopes for. I thought he might be the one to end it all for me. Which was why I bothered to try to mold his personality into being one that could take mine on. He wound up disappointing me on that end but I continued to watch over him. Anyone would grow to like that idiot in the time I spent watching him flail around. My feelings one way or another about him don't affect my goal in the slightest. His existence here, however, does. I had been letting you handle him because, as you said, I can't be here for long enough to handle him. Or at least, not without leaving much of my power behind to do so. You'd just take advantage of that wouldn't you? Well, at any rate, it's clear that I can't rely on you to act for me."
Aleister's face scrunches up.
"And just what is that supposed to mean?"
She tilts her head until only her left eye is looking back at him.
"You aren't the only one with backup plans, Ed boy."
It was a nice, sunny day in the School Garden, a cordoned off portion of the city made up of 5 elite schools for girls. The overwhelming majority of the female population here was of the rich, sheltered girl demographic. As you walk through the streets that call to mind old, cozy European neighborhoods in the surrounding architecture and see the girls shop and peacefully drink tea, you'd be hard pressed to find a more calming atmosphere. Which is why it might destroy the images that any outsiders had of the School Garden if they happened to see the rabid mob tearing through the streets in search of their prey.
"Where did that pervert go off to!? Let's castrate the bastard before Anti-Skill hauls him off!"
"He's probably that Midnight Stalker that keeps getting seen on camera!"
"I think he went around the corner!"
"Get back here you perverted performer!"
Once he could no longer hear the footsteps from the monstrous schoolgirls, Kamijou Touma peeks his head out of the broom closet he had been in.
"Goddamn that siscon. Why does he always do this to me? This is just like when I was thrown out that plane above France. What have I done to deserve this? Did I break something of his like a game system or something before I lost my memory? Was I some evil bastard that groped Maika when he wasn't looking? I thought I had resolved myself to accept not knowing about my past I was in but getting Shanghaied like this is ridiculous. Haaaah. Such misfortune."
He sneaks out as carefully as possible and goes down a side alley. The reason why he was here was because his double spy friend of both the science and magic sides, Tsuchimikado Motoharu, had packed him inside a crate and sent him to the School Garden to take care of an invading magician that sought to use a spiritual item to forcibly suck out all the knowledge and skills of the population there.
The reason why Touma was being chased, however, was due to the fact that no males were allowed within this area.
"I have to find Umesaki Yuuga before he uses that Altar of the Wisdom King. It should be harder for him to set up since he'll need to find an optimum spot to set it up so he can get the most of this. Though it'd be just my luck if the bastard can turn invisible or disguise himself as a girl. I'll just have to punch him harder for cheating if that's the case. But I don't know the area. I need to find a map without being caught or taking up too much time. He said we only have two hours until the Altar can be activated. It's already been ten minutes. I need to hurry!"
Touma runs down the alleyways, going around corner after corner, as he heads deeper into the maze that winds between the buildings. As he runs, he tries to search for a map of the Garden on the internet.
"Damn. It wouldn't be that easy would it? They probably keep that information censored to let the schools keep their information secret from people on the outside. With how extensively built this place is, there should be a map somewhere in the open but how can I get to one of those without being seen?"
"THERE HE IS!"
Touma whips his head back toward where he had come from, seeing a bespectacled brunette pointing right at him.
"Crap!"
He takes off running again, faster this time with the sounds of many other feet following after him. A door ahead of him stops him dead in his tracks as it opens, a moderately busty girl with long, raven hair peeking outside at him. Touma tries to find another way but the girl had already taken his left hand.
{Quick! Get inside before they see you!}
He hesitates for a brief moment but the sounds of girls, thirsting for his blood, rushes him inside the hallway and behind the door. The noises stop at the doorway. His eyes peek through the crack between the door hinges as he watches.
"Hey! Did you some spiky haired guy run by?"
{Ah, yes, I did. He went down the hall and to the left. I don't know where he might have gone afterwards…}
"Thanks! HE WENT DOWN THIS WAY!"
The battle cries of the girls become louder as they stomp down the hall. Eventually, the noises die down and he sees a pair of big, clear blue eyes poke around the corner.
{Are you alright?}
"Ah, yeah. Thank you. But why did you help me?"
{Well, it didn't seem like you were a bad guy. They're too blinded by their rage to try to see things from any other perspective than the one that paints you as a villain.}
He nods and steps out from behind the door.
"Yeah, that's true. Thanks for your help but I have to go."
Touma makes to step back out into the alley but the girl holds his arm.
{Wait! You'll need help getting out of here right?}
"I will but there's some things that I need to do here."
{Oh? Then let me help you!}
"I can't let you do that. It'll be way too dangerous."
{Don't worry about me. Besides, you can't get around this place so easily on your own, can you?}
"Well uh no. No I can't. But this really is a dangerous situation. It involves things that are outside of esper powers. You could get injured or even worse. And that's without taking into account the fact that you might get into trouble with Anti-Skill or your school for helping me."
At his words, her eyes begin to sparkle with excitement.
{Outside of esper powers? You aren't with Anti-Skill then? Is there some secret group that you're under then!?}
Touma laughs awkwardly at her enthusiasm.
"Ah, sorry to disappoint but I'm acting by myself here. It was my friend that sent me here to stop things from getting bad."
{Is that so? Well that's fine! I can't just let you go into such a situation all by your lonesome. It especially seems as though the odds are stacked against you so I, as an ally of the weak, will help the weak Touma in fighting those odds!}
Her left hand raises from her side in an offer for a handshake.
{My name is Kurokami Medaka. It's good to meet you!}
She was an incredibly good person. So kind and earnest in her wish to help him, despite not knowing anything about Touma or what he's wrapped up in. Honestly she was hitting a lot of his checkboxes as far as to what he looks for in a girl. Having a girl like that at his side for this crisis was something of a dream come true.
He puts his own hand up to accept hers.
"Heh, you're a good person aren't you? I appreciate the-"
His arm stops just before he could grab her hand as a single question rises out from his subconscious:
When has he ever been allowed to have such a good dream?
After thinking this, many other details of their conversation come to mind as he realizes the answer to that question.
"..."
{Hmm? Is something wrong?}
"...Yeah. There's no way something so good would happen to me."
His right hand clenches until the knuckles go white.
{What are-}
"STOP MESSING WITH MY HOPES AND DREAMS YOU BASTAAAAAAAAAAARD!"
A cute squeal of surprise escapes her as he lays her out with a full powered punch to the face. The sound of something shattering bounds off the walls along with the one he had punched. What slammed against the wall was not that cute girl, however. Instead it seems reality had replaced the actress that had been playing her role for an actor instead. The boy was rather skinny and didn't look the type to be able to take that kind of hit without being knocked out cold by it but even so, this less than average Joe looks up at Touma with a bloodied nose with a savage grin on his face.
[Whoa there, Urchin-san! How could you use such force on a beautiful girl like that?]
The one with the hair that had called that nickname into being was actively ignoring Kumagawa in favor of his rage at fate.
"Why? Why, dammit, WHY!? IS IT REALLY TOO MUCH TO ASK THAT I GET AT LEAST SOMETHING OF A BREAK HERE!? WHY IS IT THAT ONLY THE WEIRDOS COME FLOCKING TO ME!? AND WHY DID THAT PRETTY GIRL FROM BEFORE HAVE TO BE THIS BASTARD IN DRAG!?"
[Well, I had actually used All Fiction to make the reality that I was a guy into nothing so-]
"SHUT YOUR GODDAMN MOUTH! GIVE ME BACK THAT PRETTY GIRL! GIVE ME BACK MY SWEET DREAMS!"
[I mean, I can but uh….that would still be me you know? Or at least it'd be my personality and consciousness in there. You realize that right?]
"GODDAMN EVERYTHING! HAHAHAHA, IGNORANCE REALLY IS BLISS HUH!?"
At Touma's loss of sanity, Kumagawa becomes flustered and scratches the back of his head.
[...Ah. Uh. Huh. I broke him. Crap. What I do now?]
"Just stop doing anything before you make things even worse, idiot."
Touma and Kumagawa turn their attention down the hall to the glasses girl that had spotted him earlier. He makes to run but stops at the girl's frantic waving of her hands in front of her chest.
"Wait! Wait! We're here to help you!"
"Help me? You were the one that sent those girls after me...and what do you mean by 'we'?"
At the last word, Touma pointedly glared at the still grinning boy while he stands back up.
"I sent them this way so Kumagawa could distract and send them somewhere else. They would have caught you otherwise. Though as far as that second question goes, I can understand how you would be hesitant about him being here. Especially when he did all those STUPID things despite everyone telling him not to."
The girl takes her turn to burn holes into Kumagawa with her gaze. In face of that heat, he had averted his eyes.
[...Thought that was behind us after I emptied my wallet at that cafe you wanted to go to.]
"And yet here you are messing with him again."
[Ah come on! Am I not allowed this much at least!? If I can't screw with his head like this, I may explode out of frustration, Misaki-chan!]
Glasses girl, or Misaki as Touma supposes he ought to be calling her instead, sighs and rubs her fingertips against the bridge of her nose.
"You know, I only just realized it but do you just keep using 'screw' because of your screws? It's not really all that funny. You'll just make people feel awkward when you keep trying to force a pun for laughs."
Kumagawa pouts as he crosses his arms.
[...You really want to play this game with me woman? I know everything about you.]
In response to his immaturity, she sneers.
"And I don't in regards to you? Stop trying to act tough little brother~."
[Yeah? And what about the urchin in the room?]
"Urchin? I think you're using that phrase wr-"
Once she had stopped herself, Kumagawa turns off that pout and turns the smug smile back at her.
[He doesn't know everything does he? Maybe he'll forget but as long as you're around for now, he'll still remember. Who knows? Maybe it would refresh his memory some.]
"...You wouldn't dare."
[Wouldn't dare what, Misaki-chan? We haven't even gotten to the picture albums you have or that body pill-]
A swift kick slams into Kumagawa's stomach before he can continue. The boy's smirk was wiped as he falls to the ground from having the wind knocked out of him. Touma winces just from witnessing the pain she inflicted but amazingly, at least to him, the boy still had room around his coughs and sputtering breathing to still be a smartass.
[Mi-Misaki-chan...panties...can s-see them.]
"And? It's not like their mine. It's the perks of being in someone else's body. Not to mention the fact that I can beat the crap out of you better than I could in my own body~."
Touma couldn't help but get concerned at her comments of using a body that wasn't her own. It wasn't just because of the hostile takeover but there was also the fact that Kumagawa was ogling up that girl's skirt while Misaki was letting him. Though, due to the current time constraints, he had to force himself from doing anything about that situation. He says his silent apologies for that girl and starts to walk out the door.
"Um, sorry but I have to go handle some stuff as I already said so-"
"Oh? Heheh~. Well, I doubted that you had actually snuck in here for the fun of it like some people I know."
[Yeah, those guys are garbage. Wait, did you mean me!? I came to treat you to that expensive cafe and that's how you treat me!? Enshuu-chan gave me a card with like 55 million yen on it and you made me blow half of that in under an hour! Well, I also spent a bit before seeing you at a buddy of mine's cafe but my point still stands. Anyway, how can you be so cruel!?]
Misaki ignores Kumagawa's usual comedy act and steps closer to Touma.
"So? What made you come here?"
"It wasn't my choice but it has to deal with stuff that you probably won't believe."
"Ah, right. Kumagawa had mentioned that it might be magic or something when we first saw you running through the streets. Well I don't know if I really do believe it or not, even after seeing it in this idiot's memories, but if it's you saying it, then I'll choose to believe that you're telling the truth about whatever is going on."
"Just like that? How do you trust me so well that you can accept me sneaking in here because of magic, of all things? Have we met before? Who are you?"
Misaki sighs loudly as she rubs the bridge of her nose again.
"I knew you'd ask but really, this is annoying. No matter how many times we meet, we always have this conversation. Fate really has quite a sick sense of humor to keep having us bump into each other. Well, suppose that could be my penance for having this power but...there's no sense in getting angry over matters that I can't help from-"
Her words cut short as she finally sees Kumagawa's frantic movements from behind Touma. Somehow, while they had been talking, he had gotten over there without anyone realizing and was gesturing with his index finger between a screw he had in his hand and Touma's head, his eyebrows flicking up and down as he does so. Misaki's eyes become half-lidded in a contradictive mix of melancholy and amusement as she tilts her head slightly with a small, sardonic smile on her face and waves her hand to signify her denial of his suggestion. Touma turns around to Kumagawa but sees him only whistling suspiciously with his hands in his pockets.
"At any rate I'm the fifth level 5, Shokuhou Misaki, and both myself and that guy there will help you with whatever crazy situation you have gotten wrapped up in~."
[EHHHHHH!? Why me too!? In case you weren't already aware, I hate that victim-playing, self-righteous bastard!]
"Kumagawa, you said you'd help me with this whenever I asked after the time we fought, right?"
His eyes go wide before he grimaces in frustration.
[I...did. Geeze, why do you have to be so relentless about manipulating me? Besides you just rejected my initial attempt at that. What else can I do about, uh, that?]
"Just let things happen naturally, little brother. Besides, I highly doubt that sort of brute force method would work too well. Or if it did, it'd work too well."
She looks back over at Touma with an ambiguous smile.
"Setting that aside, tell us everything."
Touma briefly explains who sent him there, why, and the time remaining for them to stop Umesaki Yuuga's Altar of the Wisdom King from killing off a decent chunk of School Garden.
[Hmm. That sounds...off. Why wouldn't that Tsuchimikado guy have sent that box to someplace you could easily sneak out of? Hell, anywhere else would've been better than the middle of a girl's shower when you consider how it has basically destroyed any element of surprise that you could've used.]
Touma sighs as he rubs his head.
"Well he has thrown me out of a plane above France before so this is actually pretty tame comparatively."
[But that's what I'm talking about here. I heard about that stuff from Olly and at least there was a purpose behind getting dropped above that city. What's the point in sending you after a magician that is sure to be acting covertly when your own presence has been revealed to the entire populace of this place? How are you even supposed to act here when that guy has sabotaged you to this extent?]
Touma narrows his eyes at Kumagawa. It wasn't as if he disagreed with that statement. It did strike him as odd that Tsuchimikado would just throw him into this situation with such a low time limit when he had prepared so thoroughly before for many eventualities. But the how it was being put right now was just pissing him off. That and there was no way he could just wave off the situation when the possibility of it being a reality still exists. He can't risk so many lives on the doubts of someone that had enjoyed causing so much mayhem.
"...He must have had his reasons."
The target of that burning gaze was unfettered by it and just smirks mockingly at it.
[Oho? Is your booty getting hurt by me questioning your dear friends actions? If you really feel like you aren't getting screwed over by that guy then please, tell me how that could be.]
Misaki interrupts Kumagawa's attempts at getting on Touma's nerves with a chop to the head.
"Getting all confrontational isn't helping anything. Though, I admit, I have to agree with Kumagawa's opinions but all the same I'll differ to the trust you put in your friend. For the moment though, we should get the heat off of you or else it'll become impossible to do anything with everyone looking for you."
"Well how are we going to do that?"
[Why don't we just give them what they want? They won't stop until he's caught so why not let him get the shit beat out of him until they're satisfied. I can always just use All Fiction if he dies or something.]
Touma waves his right hand, fervently, a few inches from Kumagawa's face.
"Except that's not going to work because of my right hand you bastard! Don't pretend like you don't know when you flaunted your knowledge on me last time! Go get beat up by yourself!"
Kumagawa slaps the hand away from him while looking at the wall to his left.
[Mmmm, can't say I recall us meeting before today.]
Misaki looks between the two of them as they trade retorts for a few seconds before she smiles broadly.
"Fwahahahaha! I have an idea!"
"Huh?"
[Huh?]
"We're going to need an Anti Skill uniform and some hair gel~."
By now, there was no one in School Garden that hadn't heard about the street magician-like pervert that had appeared. Due to the students efforts however, Anti Skill hadn't gotten involved yet. The girls wanted to throttle that person before they sent what was left to them. One group of hunters was beginning to grow resentful at his stealthy capabilities.
"Where could he have gone? He couldn't have escaped could he?"
One asks.
"Maybe. But a guy like that would probably strike more than once. He's arrogant like that."
Another assumes.
"Arrogant? Considering how he appeared and disappeared so quickly, I would think he would actually be a lot humbler about his skill."
Someone else reasons.
A small mob of about 15 girls wander about as they conduct their manhunt. To them, this was less of a pursuit for a criminal and more just a manner of killing some time. Such was the case for many of the others in School Garden involved in this. It wasn't as though there was nothing to do there but since the Ichihanaran Festival had ended, they had been left wanting for more excitement. This was just a way for them to fill that void.
From a corner in front of those girls, a boy with spiked hair and a white, button-up shirt that was likely a part of a school uniform came bursting out from the alleyway with a sickening smile.
"Hey! The guy we're looking for had spiky hair, right!?"
"Either way, males that enter here all get the death penalty!"
They rush the boy as his arms swing outward to either side.
[Sorry but I'm not really interested in dying, so I think I'll just be taking your panties!]
"Like to see you try!"
[Sorry but-]
In a flash, he was behind the group with his back to theirs.
[I've already stolen them. Your hearts are next.]
They stop where they were and face him, ready to attack, but their hands immediately go to their skirts.
"Wha-"
"So this is the power of a true deviant."
[That's right! I'm a level 4 teleporter that specifies on clothes! Bwahahahahaha! How useless is that!? Why, oh why, was I cursed to have such a stupid ability!? I might as well go around stealing the underwear of any cute girls I come across! Though, at least you all are some of the cutest so far.]
As he points at them, they blush with various expressions on their faces.
"C-cute..."
"That doesn't make me happy at all you freak!"
Various comments of tsundere-esque nature come spilling from their mouths, much to his enjoyment. Normal girls wouldn't have reacted like this at all but because of their sheltered life styles and inexperience around the opposite sex, they didn't know how to react to such comments.
[And now I can count your hearts among my spoils as well. But, I can't indulge myself with your company for longer than I already have, so long ladies! I will treasure our time, as well as your panties, always!]
He sprints off but is stopped by a young man with slicked back hair in full Anti Skill gear.
"Um, stop right there criminal scum! Your stolen goods are uh forfeit! Come quietly or face justice!"
Kumagawa can't help but mutter his disapproval at Touma's performance under his breath.
[Your acting ability sucks Urchin-san. Oh, guess I can't call you that right now huh?]
Touma's eyebrow twitches in annoyance but otherwise remains in character.
This was all at Misaki's suggestion once she saw how similar they appeared as well as Kumagawa's comment on giving the girls what they want. As long as the culprit is out and free, they'll keep searching for him but if he gets caught by Anti Skill then they have no choice but to call the search off. Though this needed to be done in front of one of those groups of girls so they could spread the word to the others.
Kumagawa disguising himself as Touma was done so that they would superficially associate his behaviors and personality with Touma's inadvertent crime of being a Peeping Tom. This way if anyone sees Touma in the future, they won't link him to the one that was in front of them now. That and there's no way anyone could take Kumagawa acting as a cop seriously. Might as well use a pervert to play a pervert.
After Misaki and Touma swiped the replica Anti Skill uniform from a warehouse and Kumagawa had bought the hair gel from a store, they suited up and put on the act the girls witness now. Misaki was currently helping out as something of a stage hand in this play by hiding behind the crowd and feeding Touma lines to use by using her power to speak directly to his mind. The plan was to have Touma fight Kumagawa and then 'arrest' him, taking him off into one of the alleyway's under the knowledge that the back exit to a nearby Anti Skill building was through there. After that, they could get the official map of School Garden's entirety that Anti Skill has in case of emergencies.
Now, they just have to make sure their performance was flawless.
"Wait, why is there a male Anti Skill guy here? There's only supposed to be female ones working here..."
Both Kumagawa and Touma flinch at the girl's question. Their first hurdle. Neither of them could easily answer this question in a way that could blow that fact away. Kumagawa couldn't for the reason that he was the criminal and Touma couldn't either since he'd just look that much more stranger before them with whatever reason Misaki gave him since he couldn't act worth a damn in this situation.
"Quick! We should evacuate while he handles that perv!"
To their rescue was the bespectacled girl Misaki controlled.
"He came to the call I made about this when that pervert stole my panties and groped my body for a full 15 minutes! They're stretched thin enough across the Garden that they've sent in some male members to deal with the situation! We should get out of here though so we don't get in his way! Otherwise, that pervert might kidnap one of us and try to impregnate us like he had so many others before now!"
Her perfect, reasoning dissipates the crowd somewhat. Only somewhat as they just distance themselves from the two. They still want to watch the show after all.
"Haaaaah. Thank God you said something. But do you really have to incriminate me more, Misaki-san?"
'Fwahahaha! Don't credit someone else for my work and don't sweat the small stuff~. Just keep up the act and get to fighting. The quicker this is done, the sooner we can get to stopping that magician. Kumagawa, don't go overboard.'
Clearly, Misaki was having fun with all this behind the scenes but Kumagawa doesn't share the same sentiments.
[Why specify that to just me? He'll probably use this as an excuse to pound my face in, you know. I see the look in his eye. Freakin' psychopath.]
"...I don't think you should be the one to call anyone that."
'Because despite how mad he likely still is at you, I doubt he'll go as far as you'd go. Besides, you can just use All Fiction if he beats you that badly, right~?'
His head hangs low with faked dejection at her words.
[So cruel. So, so, soooo cruel Misaki-chan. Now I'll really have to school this nerd.]
"School this- where the hell are you from? Who even says that anymore?"
[Sphinctersayswhat?]
"What?"
[Assholes can't go judging other people's choice of words. Now if you're quite done wasting time, lets rock.]
He vanishes from view. Touma scrambles to figure out where he went but a sudden anxiety comes over him as he throws his body off to the side. A large crashing sound with a cloud of dust and debris to follow tell him that split second decision was a good one.
[Tch. Can't use my screws, can't use All Fiction or Bookmaker in any sort of an overt way, just what the hell kind of fun is it if I have to fight with these kinds of handicaps?]
Touma cranes his head around at Kumagawa, who stands in the center of where he had impacted.
"And you aren't even doing that right! How can you excuse that sort of an attack with a level 4 clothing teleport ability!? What, did you somehow utilize the force generated from the Earth's rotation into your calculations, Perverted Genius-san!?"
Kumagawa shrugs his shoulders lazily.
[Meh, makes about as much sense as anything else in this city so why not? Plus, can some random rent-a-cop really be allowed to have a precognition ability? I feel like they'd have a guy like that in some other division or something. Having a guy like that on criminal arrest detail is like having some dude that can punch with his mind being a desk jockey.]
"Well, it's really only a feeling I get in my gut when I come into the crazy situations I keep finding myself in these days so I'd say it could be fine."
[Your gut huh? That does make sense. It's where all the shit ends up at any rate.]
'Um, guys? Everyone's still watching. Still. As in right now.'
[Yeah, yeah. Maaaaan. Misaki-chan doesn't get the better points of banter as well as she thinks. Or as well as I had thought for that matter. I mean, isn't trading jibes in the middle of a fight supposed to be the hallmark of a good battle manga? Fucking casuals, I swear. But I suppose you had a point earlier about me using stuff that's supposed to be outside my ability. How can I damage control this? Hmmm, ah. Got it.]
He faces the crowd with a dramatic flair.
[I have ingested a special drug that was hidden in a fake tooth! This drug transforms my measly level 4 cloth teleport into an ability that can expand so much further! Instead of mere teleportation, I can make the distance I travel nonexistent! Do you fools understand!? With but I single step, I can appear miles away! I have made the instant transmission of a Super Saiyan a reality! With this, I can take over the world and dictate the color of a girl's underwear as I please! Fear me, lowly mortals! Fear me as I ascend to my planar form!]
"What!? That's still teleportation! And just what the hell does a planar form have to do with it!? What even IS a planar form!? Are you retarded!? Are you actually retarded!?"
Kumagawa disappears again and with several sounds of him rebounding from buildings, he comes within punching distance of Touma with his left fist cocked back.
[I don't want to hear that from a guy with brain damage!]
Touma barely dodges his head to the side as the punch blasts past him. He returns the attempt with a kick to Kumagawa's side that sends him airborne. In the middle of his flight, however, the smiling fool's form becomes erased from Touma's vision with more echoes of his boomeranging across the environment. The sound of something big and metal being snapped mixed into all that noise has the fake policeman leap backwards. A light-pole cracks the road apart where he had been standing. On the side of the pole, he saw his twisted doppelganger hanging with his feet planted onto it's surface. The instant before he could fade out of reality again, Touma swings his right fist out.
[Boof!]
And with that odd sound escaping Kumagawa due to getting socked right in the jaw, the fight was over.
Touma wastes no time in slapping handcuffs on him while he was on the ground. After hauling him to his feet, cuffed hands behind his back, he starts dragging him off as they had planned.
"It's alright everyone! I caught him so-"
"That was so cool!"
"Whoa, he handled that pervert like a pro. Did you see how he dodged all his attacks?"
"Doki doki."
Well, other than the last comment that was more of what Touma could interpret from the face of one of one of those girls, everyone was singing his praises on the swift removal of the criminal. He honestly felt very touched by their words in light of the past 45 minutes being chalk full of insults borne of things that weren't his fault. His eye's were starting to tear up from the sudden the appearance of fortune that blessed him then. Those feelings died with their next round of comments.
"But man, was that spiky-haired guy a true pervert to go so far just for a girl's underwear."
"Yeah and didn't he say it was because he had gotten a worthless power? What a loser."
"I doubt that I'll ever talk to guys with spiky hair because of him."
"I think that guy has even ruined the Sonic games I loved to play."
In front of him, Kumagawa stifles his hilarity for Touma's, presently, slighted trait but fails as the snorts and snickers come out anyway. Touma punches the back of his head in as sneaky a way of hiding his feelings as Kumagawa's had been and carries him off to the alleyway without a word.
After they had gone in far enough to be out of earshot of the people back on the street, Kumagawa relinquishes all control he had over his shit and promptly loses it as he laughs like a hyena.
[HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh my god! Oh my god! You'll never be able to attract a woman for the rest of your life! Hahahaha! Wait! Wait! You do have your trusty right hand at least! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!]
"I hate you so much right now."
[Haha! Hahahahahaha! Haaaaa. That's it? I thought you were about to go on some hour long tangent describing your anger. That dumb or just lazy?]
Touma gives a half-lidded look over at Kumagawa.
"...I'm not going to give you the satisfaction there but-"
[Oh, I wasn't talking to you just then but do go on. You've got my total and undivided inattention."
"That last part was intentional wasn't it?"
[Well yeah. Don't let that stop you though. It's a free country after all.]
"But it's not! It's a constitutional monarchy! I may be close to repeating a year but I know at least that much! We may have a lot more freedom than most but it definitely isn't a full on democracy!"
Kumagawa shrugs with his, now uncuffed, hands in the air.
[Whatever, commie, just keep your explanation rolling before I actually stop caring rather than just pretending like I don't.]
His fists clench until the knuckles become white and his arms shake.
"...Can I though? Is Kamijou-kun really allowed to explain himself now or will he be interrupted with that sarcastic bullshit again?"
[You talk in the third person when you get pissed off enough huh? Noted.]
He gives his uncaring audience some time for another smartassed remark before he actually tries talking.
"Like I was going to say, I decided against saying more because no words could fit my anger then or now. Besides, what is me ranting on like that going to accomplish? It's not like those words would actually hurt you since you're feeding off my frustration like a parasite and I can't really put my emotions into fists to get you to understand it either. You wouldn't care even if I killed you for it."
[Wrong. I have no interest in getting killed by a guy.]
Kumagawa had expect a more infuriated response but only a pair of enlarged eyes answers him.
[What?]
"...So it's a fetish for you then?"
[Wait, wh-]
"You use your power to get murdered by girls because that's your sick fetish. It all makes sense now!"
[I-no. No. It's not like tha-]
"Then why specify!? Why bother specifying the gender of who kills you if it wasn't like that!?"
[Look here sphincter, I only say that because I'm not attracted to guys. If I, as a red-blooded heterosexual member of Area 11, am going to die to someone, it may as well be to a beautiful girl. Or are you saying you prefer a guy to do it?]
"Don't try to avoid this. I point it out because I'm a regular guy that doesn't want to die at all! Whether it's a girl or guy, I don't like the concept of being dead!"
[Oh, come on! Do you know how many times I get killed on a daily basis? It's at least 12 on an off day. I don't like dying as much as you do but since I die so often, I've grown something of a preference on how I die. If I have the choice, why not have it be a cute girl?]
"Because of how oddly specific it is? I'm still unconvinced that isn't just your turn on."
[Whatever pervert boy. At least I have a better chance of getting with a cute girl than you. How does that feel, by the way? That a hopeless reject like me, with a falsely accused kink of being murdered, might just get with a girl that would make Leonardo Da Vinci cry in jealousy of her shear perfection while you'll just have that right hand to keep you company?]
"So what am I then, if not a cute girl?"
At some point, Misaki had returned but those two were so focused on insulting each other to notice her. Her appearance made the both of them jump but the one with the most fear on his face was Kumagawa.
[Mi-Misaki-chan! Of course I wasn't referring to you just now! That was more ah to anyone else in his life! Definitely am not referring to you at all! You totally deserve a happy death!]
"...What was that last line supposed to mean?"
[What? You mean the ' not referring to you' part?]
"You know which part, asshole."
[OHHHH. Well considering how you've been so uncaring for the bodies you borrow, I don't really see how you could have anything like a happy ending. Just saying.]
In moment of genuine surprise for Touma, he found himself agreeing with Kumagawa.
"You did say that I had groped you for 15 minutes and attempted to rape a lot of other girls in School Garden. Never mind tricking me into seeing the poor girl you possess naked."
"No, not attempted. You had impregnated at least 15 girls. Or that's what I told the girls that wanted to follow into the alleyway~."
"STOP ADDING ONTO MY ALREADY RUINED REPUTATION GODDAMNIT! AND WHY DO YOU HAVE TO SPECIFY IMPREGNATION WHEN IT COMES TO THIS ANYWAY!?"
Misaki tilts her head in mock confusion at his rage.
"Because it's funny?"
[Those were the famous last words of Shokuhou Misaki. She was later murdered by the infamous Japanese truck. Her death helped bring awareness to the countless souls cut short by it's unquenchable blood lust and thus, the government finally assembled all it's military might to bring down the savage beast. Thousands lost their lives in that war. It's tragedy only overshadowed by the Great Emu War. Shokuhou Misaki, we will never forget you.]
"...That's quite the epithet. But I somehow doubt that any of that will actually happen to me."
[You don't know. I don't know. Shut up.]
"Anyway, how much time is left?"
Touma checks his phone before he answers.
"Just one hour left. We got them off of my trail but we still need to find the magician before-"
[Uh, hey. What was that friend's name again? Wasn't it Tsuchimikado?]
"What does that have to do with anything?"
When he looks over at Kumagawa, he sees that he had a television app open to a news station. What appeared on the slow crawling ticker then caused his previous thoughts to crash and burn into nothingness.
"Breaking news of a fire in District 7. One room of a student dorm was partially destroyed in the fire. The single confirmed fatality was the room's resident, Tsuchimikado Maika-san. An investigation has begun to determine whether this was arson or an accident."
Kumagawa grimaces in frustration.
[Even when I'm right, it's all so wrong still.]
Hey everyone! Decided to cut this one a bit short from what I was initially writing since it was getting really long. I'm just having too much fun with the interactions between Kumagawa, Touma, and Misaki. Can't really go at length like I usually do since I don't really have that much time at the moment but expect another update by the weekend maybe. Could be sooner. Be sure to let me know in the reviews whether how I wrote Touma here is fine or not. I'm not too sure if I got his character down very well but I hope I did alright in that regard. Hope you guys enjoy this one. See you soon.