Disclaimer : Fairy Tail belongs to Hiro Mashima.

Natsu's POV

— You wanted to ask me something Natsu? she wondered once they were seated.

— Hum, yes…" What was he going to say now that they were finally alone? Well, alone was so very relative he amended into the confines of his mind, considering they were still inside the guildhall in plain view of anyone. "I thought maybe we could do a mission again?" Yep, missions were a safe topic. Not a very brave way in but still. At least he was talking to her. It had to count for something, no?

— Sure, why not. We'll ask the others tomorrow if you want.

— Oh." His face fell slightly and disappointment stung acutely. "I thought we could go alone. I mean, just the three of us, you know? It's been a while." He raked a hand in his hair. Why was he so inhibited with her suddenly? It grated on his nerves immeasurably.

— I'd like that," she said shyly, her eyes shining strangely. "Where is Happy?" she asked, diverting the conversation to safer topics and looking around for the Exceed.

— He's with Carla and Wendy.

— Oh, you guys fought again? What about?" You, he thought but couldn't say it. Not yet. Maybe not ever.

— Just… stuff." She understood he had no wish to delve into the subject and let it slide.

— How did you get a black eye?" she wondered and went to touch him but he drew back slightly. Her hand hovered near his cheek just shy of actually touching him an instant before falling down limply on the table again and she finally folded them on her lap. He saw the distress and hurt in her face and was that guilt he suddenly felt?

— It's still tender," he claimed and forced himself to lean forward so she could reach him if she so wished. Any pretext would do as long as the sadness in her eyes vanished.

She smiled wistfully, a mere ghost of her usual one and carefully brushed the tip of her fingers over it. The contact was as soft as a feather, almost a caress and he fought not to close his eyes to better savour the moment and affectionate intimacy. He had always felt very comfortable with Lucy, he never had to try hard. It had always been very natural, very casual and he missed it. Were Gray and Luxus right? Would it be easy again if they got together? But would she be amenable to the idea? She was so difficult to read.

— Everyone is looking at us," she whispered, her hand still ghosting over his cheek and he could have sworn he saw fear in her face when her eyes went over Erza. What had happened between them? In any other circumstances, he would have teased her mercilessly about this. Erza could be so intimidating when she wanted to after all.

— Yes, I've noticed. They've been doing it for some time now. Does it bother you?

— It's creepy. And uncalled for. I know they are curious and… concerned but still.

A surge of fierce protectiveness threatened to overwhelm him and a sudden, familiar urge to do something spontaneous, childish and plain flamboyant overtook him. A toothy smile erupted in his face.

— Come on, let's get out of here," he whispered to her and he realized he had dearly missed the elation filling him at the mere prospect of doing something immature and extravagant with Lucy. He stood up abruptly, grabbed her hand firmly, yanked her out of her chair and started running at full speed towards the doors.

— We're not a freak show! Get your entertainment elsewhere, rubbernecks!" He shouted to the guild members as they unashamedly watched them leave.

Lucy's surprised little shriek hung in the air a little longer than their presence. They missed the knowing smile on a few pairs of lips. They walked for several minutes, her left hand still engulfed in his larger one. He had no intention of letting go and apparently neither did she until she tugged a bit, slowing her pace down.

— Where are we going?" she asked tentatively.

— I don't know. Away." He hadn't paid any attention to their surroundings. He had walked ahead, intent on going as far away from prying eyes and ears as possible, his mind set ahead of him, his thoughts tumbling over one another, waves of feelings and jumbled ideas drowning each other in their furious fight for attention.

— Then, why are we still walking?" She asked in a soft, clear voice.

— Because I haven't decided what to say yet.

He stopped, let go of her hand and thrust his into his pockets. His shoulders slumped forward and he cocked his head to the side, avoiding her curious gaze. It was said in all honesty. He watched her shuffle her feet a little, clearly torn and indecisive, struggling to find her own words and realized she didn't know how to answer. She probably didn't know how to make anything better either or how to make it right. Not any better than he did apparently. It was cold comfort at best but it helped still his nerves.

— I don't know how to make things right," he finally admitted quietly, mirroring her own thoughts exactly and proving to be the bravest of them by voicing it. "I miss you."

She blushed but he didn't notice it in the dim light of night, focused as he was on the city and the starry sky. His own body language conveyed how uncomfortable he was. Nobody could ever say he wasn't courageous, she reflected. She wasn't sure what she wanted to tell him first but he was most assuredly waiting for her to answer and she should say something. Anything. Well, she had to start somewhere, didn't she?

— Are you seeing someone?" she suddenly asked, finding this was the answer she most wanted.

He choked on his own words. His mind drew a blank momentarily. Here he was, trying his best to bare his heart to her and that was what she deduced from it? Damn, how did her mind work? How could they ever get anything done if they couldn't understand each other? He had thought he had been straightforward enough and he wasn't sure he could be more assertive and confident. It had taken a lot out of him just to admit that much. Could he be more obvious without losing his nerve? He very much doubted it.

— Course not," he grumbled. "Why would you think so?" And really, that was a million-jewel question. What could have prompted that? He heard her take a deep, steadying breath and he leveled a surprised stare at her. She seemed as uncomfortable as he was but she got that gleam in her eyes that told him she was willing to see this through.

— Kana hypothesised it.

He blinked still expectantly watching her. And waited for an explanation. Lucy didn't seem in a hurry to give any and he was too discombobulated to even try to worm it out of her. What in all the magic of Fiore would have given them this completely stupid, dumb, erroneous idea?

— Why? he croaked when it became painfully obvious she wasn't going to expand on the subject. She fiddled with her skirt and looked anywhere but at him. She wasn't usually at a loss for words. On the contrary, Lucy was always very outspoken, to the point of rudeness sometimes. And that was part of her charm as far as he was concerned.

— You won't come near me anymore," she whispered. "So we assumed maybe, you didn't want someone to get the wrong idea."

This was preposterous. So much so he was speechless. He desperately wanted to palm face and absently rubbed his hand over his eyes instead. How had they managed to be that shy and misguided about each other? Never in a million years could he have foreseen such a misunderstanding. This was going to be a long, painful, trying conversation and he wasn't quite willing to do that standing in the middle of the street. He led her silently to the park and they sat stiffly on the grass. Damn, he didn't want to feel so out of tune with her. Where to begin? He looked up into the sky and prayed for inspiration. It didn't come and they remained silent for several minutes.

— Gray said I made you cry." There was hurt and a hint of anger in his voice and she sensed it. She smiled softly at him, brushing his arm with her hand in a silent, comforting, familiar show of affection. Her pain surfaced briefly and it reflected somewhat in her eyes.

— It's okay. I'm fine now.

— So it is true." His tone hardened. "I'm sorry," he offered sincerely and the bubble of pain she was feeling burst and vanished in thin air. He had always been the only one able to make her feel better with a few words.

— I hurt you too," she declared. "I want you to know it was not my intention. I am truly sorry Natsu and I hope you can forgive me." He stayed silent, accepting her apology by way of a smile and kept it close to his heart. Lucy hardly ever expressed regret and even more rarely asked for forgiveness. Especially from him. This scarcity made it even more poignant. "So, Gray gave you a black eye?" she joked, trying to lift the heavy atmosphere.

— Don't mention it. Ever," he grumbled and she chuckled lightly.

— Do you know what happened?" he wondered after a long pause, when it was clear she had no idea how to discuss what plagued them. He felt like a giant elephant sat there with them, looking from one to the other expectantly and counting points. She must feel it too. And yet, she said nothing, acknowledged nothing. Probably meant he was winning and by a long shot. It annoyed him that she wouldn't take a more active part in the conversation. He felt confused too, and embarrassed and flustered. Couldn't she help him a little? He was no good talking about feelings and thinking things over. He knew that. She knew that. Everyone knew that. Why did he always have to be the bravest? Her answer however, was testament of how well they knew each other. No need for details, they could always say exactly what the other thought. Well, they used to at least.

— I believe it was Kana's magic but she doesn't remember anything. Believe me, I asked. Actually, I'm quite sure she didn't do it purposefully. We just happened to be the butt of an unintentional joke.

— And did you laugh? he asked sarcastically, unable to repress the causticity from his tone. He had borne the brunt of it and he had been miserable for weeks. He was losing his best friend about this and she was talking about a joke. A fucking unintended joke. Damn, that hurt. She started. She had never heard him use that tone and it sounded unnatural in his usually soft, round, full, friendly voice. She hated it instantly.

— Natsu," she said softly, her skirt clenched in her fists, a plea as much as a reproach. "I miss you too. I wish… I need you in my life."

He heaved a sigh of relief at her admission. She looked at him, a frown in place and a small blush on her cheeks. He saw her right hand hover towards him but she suddenly seemed to rethink the gesture and it dropped down again in her lap. Maybe this wouldn't be such a wasted night. Maybe something good would come out of this. He wouldn't hold his breath but he would give it his best try. He tentatively took her hand in his again and she relinquished it to him with a smile. He rubbed his thumb absently on the expanse of skin offered and gathered his words in his mind at his own unhurried pace. She waited him out patiently.

— When I was a kid, I was always with Lisanna. We were best friends, family and a little bit more too. But she died and I was left all alone. Happy was the only one I could tolerate at the time. The others didn't want to partner with me but it never bothered me to go on solo missions anyway. My sole purpose was finding Igneel and I devoted all my time, all my savings, all my energy to it. Then, one day I met you."

He didn't notice her looking at him. His gaze was unfocused and he was lost in his own painful memories. His fingers still traced a slow, haphazard pattern on her hand without any awareness of it. He wasn't one to dwell on the past nor was he known to open himself up. She remained silent but attentive and he understood her attitude for what it was. Patience. Respect.

— You brought colors. Vivid, dazzling, magnificent colors. I have always felt at ease with you. Crashing at your flat or teasing you is as natural as breathing. I know your smell like I know Igneel's. I know when you need me and I know where to go to find you. I don't even have to think about it. It just is. Or rather, it just was. But now, I don't know anymore. And I don't know how to make it right again, I don't know how to revert back to the familiar, straightforward trust and closeness we had. It upsets me greatly."

Admitting it wasn't as difficult as he had imagined. In fact, as soon as the first words passed his lips, he couldn't stop them. They just kept coming and going, seemingly of their own accord but they were all so true, all so heartfelt he wouldn't have hold them back even if he had been able to. He wouldn't be able to stop himself now anyway even if it saved his life. He needed to clear the air between them, if only for the sake of his own mind and sanity. And if she rejected him, he would lick his wounds in private and learn to deal with it at a later time.

— We are not good. I can't go on as if nothing was wrong." He suddenly looked at her and his eyes blazed with determination and quiet strength. He was done being depressed and feeling sorry. He would mend his friendship with her.

— Me neither, Natsu," she confessed. "It's lame without you. And dull and plain boring and heartrending. My flat is empty without you guys, and my fridge is desperately full and no-one bothers me and annoys the crap out of me quite like you do. Honestly? I am miserable without you."

— Well, at least we agree!" he chuckled nervously. Should he kiss her now? Damn, she looked very inviting. Would she let him? She did seem to share his feelings after all.

— I'm sorry I slapped you," she said and her voice broke his musings. "I know you're used to me kicking you out and I was surprised and embarrassed but I should have let you, I don't know, explain maybe or calm down at least. I shouldn't have done that."

— I'll get over it, don't worry," he shrugged and let go of her hand. His own suddenly felt cold and useless. What should he do with them? He felt her stiffen and stared as she deliberately tried to relax the muscles in her back and shoulders. What was that? What happened exactly? Was it because he let go of her hand? He frowned oh-so-slightly at the realization. He saw her struggle with internal debate and he could hear her heartbeat quicken. "What is it, Lucy?" Maybe if he prompted her, she would disclose what clearly bothered her.

— It's embarrassing, she confessed and she blushed faintly.

He almost scoffed. Like it hasn't been embarrassing as hell until then. But she was pretty with her rosy cheeks and demure stance. Her hair fell before her eyes and she angled herself a bit awkwardly away from him so he couldn't see her face completely. She bit on her lower lip and removed little blades of grass. He knew her to be highly self-conscious and out of her depth when she behaved this way. He had yet to discover the best way to deal with her when she was like that so he extended to her the same courtesy she did him. He waited patiently. Not his forte but for once, he would champ at the bit and not show it. She opened her mouth to speak then seemed to change her mind and closed it again. She did it a few times and he began to have difficulties reining his laughter in. He dared not laugh however because he knew instinctively she would feel humiliated and clamp shut completely. Whatever troubled her, she did not know how to say it and he hadn't the faintest idea how to help her.

— You've been avoiding me," she finally said. "I should have asked you at the first opportunity but I didn't and I would very much like to know why," she confessed quietly.

And damn but it was true. He had definitely, purposefully avoided her. Or rather, he had shirked physical contact with her but he was perceptive enough to read between the lines and hear what she hadn't verbalised. Should he lie? Circumvent the issue? Play it down maybe? He considered how painstakingly she had brought the subject up and decided to be as honest as he could.

— Yes. The first few days, I couldn't risk meeting you. It was awkward enough." He pushed himself to keeping looking at her to gauge her reaction. It wasn't the one he was expecting. She seemed sad and in pain. Had he misjudged? Should he have lied? He wasn't one to lie. He wasn't sure he had done it once in his life and Igneel had taught him it was wrong, with a capital letter.

— That's not what I meant. Not really," she said softy. "I avoided you also the first days. It was just easier so I'm not accusing you or anything. And well, clearly I drove you out so, blame's on me, alright?"

She smiled then a sad, tearful little upturn of her lips that paled in comparison to her usually amazing one and he felt a knot in his gut. Her beautiful smile had disappeared and it pained him physically. He had thought he was the only one suffering from the situation. He had been wrong.

— I've noticed, you know," she continued, unperturbed. She hadn't seen him space out a moment. "You won't sit next to me anymore and when I tried, you always had a good reason to up and leave or increase the distance between us. Tonight was the first time you took my hands in weeks. You used to put your head in my lap when we travelled and now you remain stiffly propped up against the window. You would trespass into my personal space and it used to make me mad but now, you always stay just out of reach. Each time I try to come nearer, you go away. I get it. If you don't want to anymore, if it bothers you, I want to respect that. It hurts, Natsu, but if that is what you wish, I won't push because I respect you too much and our friendship is infinitely more important to me than fulfilling such petty, selfish wishes."

She looked at him, her eyes wet from unshed tears, full of pain and raw emotion and he knew then for sure he would die for that girl. That he would forever devote his life to make hers better. He had promised her he would look out for her but he had never realized he had such an impact on her. That his actions could cause her so much suffering. He had fancied her for years and she was his best friend. He loved her, yes. As family, as kin, as a sister, as a best friend, as his partner. He loved spending time with her, talking and going out with her. He loved every single time they spent together. He loved the way she looked at him, the way she considered their friends, the way she moved and the way she smelled. He loved the way she would flick her hair away from her face before turning to talk to him. He loved how she walked, with her hands folded behind her or the way she would protect her Spirits. He loved the way she cooked just for him, how she would always keep a full fridge knowing he would eat at her place and how she always kept fish for Happy. He loved that she would always touch him in one way or another to comfort him or to reassure him they were good after a spat and how she would card her fingers in his hair when he got motion-sickness. He loved all the little quirks that she had. He knew her clothes and the way she liked her coffee best. He knew how she loved Gray as a brother and how she was afraid of Erza. He knew she considered Wendy as a little sister and Kana a dear friend. He loved that she never really hit off with Lisanna just because of him. He loved her laugh and the way her eyes crinkled when she smiled. He loved how she would hug him from behind and squeeze until it hurt. He loved how she would cuddle against him in the morning and how she would blush when he came unannounced in her bathroom. He loved teasing her and having her near. He loved how her nose would turn up when she went to his place and how she would always try to tidy up for him. It's not that he had doubted his love for her, he wasn't blind or oblivious. But maybe that was the difference Gray was talking about? That was what he meant by in love? Well, he was in love then. Deeply, irremediably in love with her then.

He cupped her face in his right hand and looked at her softly, smiling sweetly at her. His thumb brushed her cheek and he felt her shiver slightly. The grass was damp beneath him and the air smelled of upcoming rain and earth. He stared at her, without a word, welcoming and enjoying the comfort of her skin against his. He considered her lips a moment and he saw her wet them in instinctive anticipation but he dismissed the urge to kiss her. He heard her heartbeat quicken. He breathed her deeply, his nose buried in her glorious hair and she smelled home. Sugary, fruity. She smelled like the mornings they woke up together. She smelled like his scarf and his favorite soap of hers. She smelled like family and comfort. She smelled like trust and joy. She smelled like tranquility and contentment. She smelled like warmth and kindness. He pressed his forehead against hers. Damn, he had missed her.

— I love you," he said breaking the spell trapping them in that endless moment, staring at her with that strange intensity never dimming. She gasped softly. He felt her tense and saw the fear that fleetingly crossed her eyes but he didn't surrender any inch of space to her. If he let her chicken out now, she would never come back, he knew it as surely as morning would come. "Talk to me, Lucy."

— I… I…" she began, tears forming in her eyes, her hands clenching in his shirt but left her sentence hanging, trepidation dancing in her darkened orbs as she stared at him, her breath short and difficult.

He smiled sadly but not unkindly. She could never lie to him when he was paying so much attention. He heard her heartbeat thump a wild rhythm, saw the red of her cheeks, felt her hard breathing and smelled her fear and excitation. Wouldn't she admit it?

Shit, he shouldn't smell her so much he realized belatedly. He had forgotten in all the emotional turmoil of the last hour and in his intense pleasure of having her so near him what her proximity would invariably cause. And now that she was in his arms and he was getting drunk on her smell alone, his body was reminding him very painfully why he had been avoiding her recently. He was rather confident she wouldn't much appreciate his explanation. And she seemed spooked enough already. Damn, but he really wanted to kiss her now.

— Lucy," he purred and fought so hard to keep himself in check. "This is why I avoided you. Each time I touch you, this is what I feel. And this is how you look. As if you're afraid of me. As if you couldn't wait for me to be away from you. It hurts," he admitted and very painfully, with great difficulty, he drew back and took his hand off her.

He felt cold inside and bereft. He fisted his hands, if only to prevent himself from grabbing her and pushing her against the tree and… He stopped his train of thoughts. Inappropriate or not was irrelevant. This was simply not the time. He stood up and turned his back on her. Why did he have to fall in love with such a stubborn girl? He knew her to be brave and determined in battle. Why couldn't she find the same will for them? Maybe it was selfish of him to expect an immediate positive answer. Maybe he should consider how difficult it had been for him to act on his feelings and assume it was the same for her. But damn, it hurt. He heard her sniffle. Had he made her cry now, on top of everything? Shit. This was declining from bad to worse and he had no idea what to do. He had tried, really tried to make it right. What more could he do? Damn it all to Hell, he had fucking confessed to her and she just said nothing. Nothing. Beyond the hurt, anger simmered. White-hot anger. His fists shook. No, he wouldn't lash out on her. He would never hurt her deliberately. But Mavis, was he angry. All this for naught. It had not been a walk in the park. It was not easy for him to open up like that, even to Lucy. Probably been especially difficult because it was her. And he was tired. So tired of controlling himself all the time. He heard her shuffle around behind him but refused to face her. He'd rather keep the last shreds of dignity and pride he had left, thank you very much.

So when he felt her arms reach for him from behind, hugging him to her tightly, her cheek and ear pressed between his shoulder blades, he could do nothing but cover her arms with his and sigh deeply. He sunk his teeth in his lower lip in a futile attempt to keep emotions at bay and hung his head in defeat.

— I don't know what you want from me, Lucy." He felt her burrowing deeper into his back. She smelled like sadness and guilt.

— I'm sorry I always hurt you, Natsu," she sniffled again. "I'm not as brave as you," she mumbled and shrugged awkwardly, her grip never lessening. She said nothing for a long time and he allowed her to remain silent, drawing strength from him, strength he didn't feel like having but she seemed content there. And he was in no hurry to let her go, starved as he was of her touch. "You misunderstood my reaction. I could never object, even less abhor your touch and proximity. I need you. I can't function without you. You brought colors to my life too. You brought affection and trust and joy. You are my warmth, my best friend, my partner. You are the only one who can make me feel better simply by being present. You are my strength and my fortitude. When you take my hand, I feel capable and brave. When you are with me, I feel protected and safe and indomitable. When you smile at me, all the world is brighter. But I'm afraid," she admitted suddenly, her grip stronger. "I'm afraid of losing you. You've taken such a big part in my life, I cannot even conceive mine without you any longer. And it utterly terrifies me. What if at some point our paths or goals diverge? What if it doesn't work? What if you got mad at me and wouldn't speak to me again? What will happen when I mess up? I cannot lose you. I'm not strong enough. I am not even willing to try without you. What would I do without you?"

She let go of him then and went to stand in front of him, her small hand on his forearm, a tenuous link that spoke of comfort and need. She wouldn't meet his gaze but it was alright. He wasn't quite ready to meet hers either. He didn't have any good answer to her questions. He had the same incertitude and misgivings, the same fears and dilemma.

— All I know is that everything is easier when you're with me," he began, carding his fingers in her hair. "Whatever may cross our path, I believe we'd be stronger together than apart because it has always been so. And I'd very much like to explore where this would take us," he answered truthfully and took her hand in his. It was warm and soft and fit nicely.

— I love you too, you know," she whispered.

She looked at him then and he could read the doubts still lingering in her eyes. But he could also read her yearning and her determination and her strength. He bent down and she met him half-way.

When he kissed her, she tasted like home.

A/N : I'm not planning on going anywhere else with this. I hope I did it right and you enjoyed reading me. Thanks to those who read and a special thought to those who took the time to review, it made my story so much better! Take care everyone.