Raphael found Leo watching Space Heroes in the lounge, fascination etched on his face, as he uttered the dialogues he knew by heart. Raphael shuffled his feet awkwardly and ran a hand over the back of his neck. "Um, Leo. Can we talk?" Raphael never found it easy talking to his older brother and not just because he had a crush on him. Leo was about as expressive as a rock in his opinion and when he tried talking to him about something, they just ended up in an argument. It wasn't always that way, Raphael thought. When we were kids, we'd talk for hours 'bout anythin' and everythin' and Leo didn't have any walls up. Now he's always guarded. I fuckin' hate it. I wish he'd let his walls down and just be a kid. He's too grown up for his own damn good.

"What about, Raphael?" Leo asked, turning his gaze on Raphael.

"Bout this mornin'. My attitude."

"It's all right. I know you've been upset about the Mona Lisa thing and getting angry is your way of dealing with it. Don't worry about it."

"No, it's not all right, Leo. Don't give me a pass. I had no right treatin' ya like shit. Ya didn't deserve it and I'm sorry, big brother. Ya always do so much for me, Don and Mikey and all I do is give ya shit. I don't tell ya often enough, but yer a great big brother and I love ya."

"What's come over you?" Leo asked, narrowing his eyes. It was rare for Raphael to be so apologetic and open about his feelings. "Are you sick?"

"No. Maybe I'm just growin' up, Leo. It ain't all 'bout me and how I feel. Ya go through hell every day. Protectin' us, never bein' able ta be a kid with all yer responsibilities, while we often goof off and mock ya for bein' so borin' and grown up."

Leo smiled and said, "It's what big brothers do. I don't mind."

"I do! It ain't fair, Leo, that ya can't do what ya wanna do."

"It's my destiny, Raph. I'm fine with it. Someone has to be the leader and take care of you, especially when Sensei passes."

"And all we do is fight. I don't wanna fight with ya no more, Leo, and I miss spendin' time with ya, like we did when we were kids." Fuck, Leo's hot, Raphael thought. No, can't think that. I have Alex now. Leo would never want me anyway.

"I do too, Raph. I know you think I'm a stick-in-the-mud, but it's just because I worry about you guys. If anything happened to you, I'd never forgive myself and I want the best for you. Even if you decided you wanted Mona Lisa back, I'd support you. Your happiness and Don's and Mikey's means the world to me."

"What 'bout yers? Ya've never thought of a romance?"

"I've thought about it, but what are my options? Karai? No, thanks. I wouldn't trust that woman if she was the last person on earth. Mikey and Don? Don's with Usagi and Mikey, well, he's into girls. And you? You love Mona and you don't like guys anyway, least of all your brother, and besides, we'd fight all the time about everything and make one another miserable. Can you imagine us in bed? It would be a constant battle to see who'd top. And we have nothing in common. You're not my type. No. I'm better off alone with my books and my meditating. I've accepted that's all I'll ever have. Why don't you call Mona? I'm sure she'd be thrilled to hear from you."

"That's not true, Leo. Ya deserve love," Raphael said, trying not to display how forlorn he felt at hearing Leo's words. He'd thought Leo wouldn't want him, but to hear him openly dismissing him as a mate was a kick to his gut and he felt like going to his room and crying. I have Alex. I shouldn't be upset about Leo, he thought. Yet, I am. Why? "Don't ya want kids?" Raphael asked. "Ya can have, ya know."

"Sure. Girls are just lining up to give me them," Leo said sarcastically. "Course I'd like to be a daddy, but it's not going to happen. You, on the other hand, have a chance with…."

"Leo, yer an amazin' guy. Smart, funny, loyal and caring. Anyone would be lucky ta have ya and ya shouldn't give up on love."

Leo laughed and said, "If I didn't know better, I'd think you were hitting on me, Raph, but thanks. I'm at peace being celibate and you should….You should follow your heart. I was wrong telling you what to do. Now, if that's all, I need to meditate."

"I still miss spendin' time with ya, Leo, and I am sorry 'bout earlier. Why don't we go for a bike ride later? I'll let ya sit in front."

"You never let anyone ride your bike. Not even with you," Leo said in surprise.

"Yeah, but I've been such a dick ta ya. It's my way of apologizin'. Come on. It'll be fun. Just two brothers bondin'."

"We have patrol."

"We can skip patrol for one night, Leo. We ain't spent quality time in eons."

Leo hesitated before saying, "All right."

"I'll pick ya up at nine."

"It isn't a date, Raph."

"I know that, Fearless. I'm gonna go clean my room. It is a bit of a cess pool," Raphael said, and headed to his room.

XXX

As Raphael lay in his hammock, he thought, I have Alex. I shouldn't be upset that Leo ain't into me and it's just gonna be bondin' with him, like it was before. That's all. I ain't gonna let a good thing like Alex go and focus on Leo and somethin' that won't ever happen. Raphael's phone shrilled and he groaned with irritation when he saw it was Mona Lisa calling. What the fuck does she want, he thought? "Yeah?" he said.

"Raphael, it's Mona," Mona said.

"I know. What do ya want?"

"I got your e-mail and I can completely understand your reasons for the break up. I did betray you and your brothers and whatever my reasons for it, it was still a heavy betrayal and I endangered the lives of you all. I regret it and am deeply sorry."

"Ya said," Raphael said icily.

"Leo's been pestering you for months to dump me, but I think his hatred of me is more about something else than my betrayal."

"Like what?"

"He's jealous about our relationship. Us being together and he's in love with you."

"No way. That's crazy. Leo don't think of me that way. Yer wrong, Mona."

"Raphael, you're in love with him. I've seen the looks you cast at him and the ones he cast at you. Longing, lingering glances, tinged with desire and love. It all makes sense why Leo detests me so much, because other than the betrayal, I've done nothing to him. The way you looked at me when we were together was more of friendship than as a lover and you also weren't keen to mate with me. You kept telling me you wanted to wait until you were older, but I knew better. You weren't really attracted to me and didn't want to mate with me. Period. And didn't know how to tell me. I didn't want to let you go and kept denying it to myself, thinking maybe you would in time. If it had been Leo, would you have mated with him?"

"Yes," Raphael said, and heaved a sigh of relief. "But I didn't know how ta tell ya that I was love in with my own brother. It sounded wrong and sordid. And still does. I'm a fuckin' freak for my sick thoughts. Sensei said he'd disown me if I pursued Leo. And then me and ya met and I thought I could erase my bad thoughts and find happiness with ya, but then…No, I never stopped lovin' Leo."

"Then I was right."

"Are ya mad? Ya have every reason."

"No, Raphael. You can't help who you fall in love with, but I do wish you'd been honest with me. It would have saved us time and wasted energy on a relationship that wasn't going anywhere. And, seeing, as we're being open and honest, besides Leo and the betrayal, it wouldn't have worked out. Neither of us wanted to leave our planets and families. And I can't have and don't want kids. You do. I want you to be happy, Raphael. And if Leo's, who you want, go for him. He's a wonderful guy and I know you'd be happy together and have tons of babies. You'll be fantastic daddies."

"Yer so sweet, Mona. After how awful I've been ta ya."

"You're not awful, Raphael. You're a terrific guy and I know you didn't mean to hurt me. I'll be fine. Really. Just be happy, Raphael. You and Leo."

"Did ya love me?"

"I still do and I know I always will, but I'm setting you free. It's the best thing for us both. Go talk to Leo now."

"But there's a problem. I met someone and she likes me. And I kinda like Leo too, but he don't like me. I'm confused."

"You're not confused, Raphael, and your relationship with that girl isn't going to work, because you don't want her. Not really. You're flattered by the attention, but you want Leo. Only Leo. Go talk to him and tell this poor girl you're sorry for leading her on."

"But..."

"Look, you wasted my time. Don't waste hers! It's cruel and selfish. I have to go."

"Hey, we ever gonna talk again?"

"No. I think a clean break's for the best. We'll part as friends. I wish you everything of the best. Take care and God bless you always."

"Mona," Raphael said to a dial tone. She's wrong that Leo likes me more than a brother, Raphael thought. He's made it clear that he don't feel that way, so I'm gonna forget all 'bout Leo and my feelings for him. Rejection is shit and hurts like hell, but I have no choice but ta accept it. From now on, I'm only gonna think 'bout my Alex. I can't wait ta talk ta her again.

A/N Thanks for the kudos and feedback :) Will Raphael ever have the courage to talk to Leo and "Alex" about his feelings after his rejection?