A/N: I'm trying not to turn this into a challenge with myself named "how many season 3 related fix its can I write?" but it looks to me like I'm heading that way, because here's number 2 in the series 3 related stories. I'm not saying I'll have a story for every episode, but there are crumbs of an idea for a post 3x05 story and man, not sure where that one will go, but I'll be on the lookout to see if I can make it a fully fledged story. SabbyStarlight sure did warn me a long time ago that starting s3 I'd want to write a tag to every episode. Noted and written down, imma give my muse and inspiration a shot to see where it'll lead me.
I had the craving to see Jack in this episode and also a talk between the boys because no way Mac had no flashbacks to the Mexico episode (the El Noche, season 1, episode 7, Can Opener). And all that talk about fathers and making amends, it was annoying at best, and I'm sorry, but Riley and Bozer pushing Mac to just answer James' invitation and go like Mac didn't just spend 18 years wondering where his father was, while James was a friendly neighbor all this time? I'm still not over it, and imagine Mac that actually went through it and has James back in his life? not a chance he's completely over it.
Hope I did it justice to both the boys and the idea I had for this episode tag.
TW for panic attacks.
Now on to the story.
It was fun for a moment, learning to talk with his father again, joke over egg salad and french fries. His father was smiling and actually looked happy. Mac forgot how rare that smile was when he was a kid. He tried everything to bring it out in the man, tried to be what his father needed in those moments. Still his father didn't smile often enough. Perhaps there were not many reasons for that.
That was sort of a sobering reminder that his father left when Mac was ten and for the next eighteen years he was a no show. Mac meant it when he said to Riley earlier that it would have been easier to think his father was a criminal than a man that was the director of an organization helping people every minute of every day.
Mac wanted to say something, to broach the subject of why his father insisted to meet him every Friday. Mac knew that his father was making an effort. But the taste was still bitter because he had eighteen years to make that effort. Was he going to show his face if it wasn't for Mac wanting to quit the Phoenix and hadn't Matty sent him to the house?
Mac sighed internally and plastered a smile on his face. His chest rattled with a silent cough. Mac rubbed an absent palm over his chest where it still felt tight and hurt when he coughed. It wasn't as bad as last time, but still rattled Mac to no end. It has been close to three days now since the stint in Georgia, and Mac spent a day and half in the hospital and flying home. Just in time to make it to lunch with his father. A quick decision he was starting to regret, because, and not that Mac needed him to ask, but wasn't his father supposed to ask how his son was? Or was he getting updates on that, too and trusted a report better than his kid?
Mac was saved by his spinning thoughts by his phone ringing. His new phone, Mac had to remind himself. Using his own phone as part of his creation to fix the truck in Georgia, instead of Jack's, his brain helpfully supplied; he just picked up the new one before meeting his father. Mac still didn't have any of his contacts saved. He squinted at the number and although he couldn't clearly see all digits, he thought it was Jack's number. He answered, glad to take any reprieve from where his brain was stuck at right now. This was all a bad idea, it was still too raw, too fresh. Mac couldn't do it, despite thinking it'd be a good idea to try. He said so to Riley and Bozer, it wasn't a payback. But Mac couldn't help himself. He was feeling salty over the situation.
"Hey, hoss."
Jack's voice brought him back to the present and Mac finally raised his head from the food and looked across the table at his father. His father looked at him curiously, like he was assessing him and Mac didn't like it one bit. It felt like he was put in the center of attention and like someone that was supposed to be observed and examined.
"Hey, Jack." Mac couldn't help but smile. He missed Jack and hearing his voice after a radio silence for almost a week was balm to his soul.
"I was wondering if you are free to give me a ride? I just got off the plane, the DoD didn't tell me until today that I'm going home. Had no chance to call it in and I'd really not get in a cab or uber right now."
Mac could feel the sheer exhaustion in Jack's voice and there was no doubt of what he was going to do next.
"Yeah, I'll come pick you up in a bit. Give me 20, okay?"
"Yeah, okay, hoss. Glad to hear your voice."
"You too. Be there soon."
Mac hung up and took out his wallet to leave money for the food plus tip. He wasn't going to let his father pay for him.
"Where are you going?" His father inquired.
Mac stumbled in his haste to get out of his chair and almost toppled over. His father looked passively at him like he grew two heads.
Jack would have leaped from his chair and would have held me steady.
"To pick up Jack."
"Why do you have to do it?"
If Mac wasn't looking, he would have missed the face his father made in distaste, almost a sneer.
"It's Jack." Mac simply answered.
Mac didn't stick long enough to see or hear any reaction his father might have had. Jack was more important.
…
Jack settled his duffle bag on the ground next to his feet and waited for Mac to come and get him. It was exactly on the 20th minute mark when he heard the familiar rumble of the GTO's engine that had him look up. He smiled, because the kid chose to drive his car in Jack's absence.
Jack tried to get early out of his meeting with the SecDef. There wasn't anything that he hadn't already repeated thousand times over about the unauthorized mission in Belarus. Somehow Jack couldn't help but think James was the one that sent the request to the DoD so Jack could be briefed. Something about that man didn't sit well with Jack ever since he met him. And then Mexico happened.
Thinking about Mexico brought more memories of a mission almost two years ago where Mac almost got killed by inhaling pure nitrogen. Jack's skin still crawled at the thought that he wasn't there to stop El Noche from getting his hands on the kid and torture him.
Matty called him while he was still in D.C. worried about Mac and what could happen to him in the consequences of Mac inhaling 78% of nitrogen.
Jack tried to beg off of the meeting, was ready to agree to anything just to go to Mac, but they wouldn't budge. No amount of pleading and telling them the SecDef owed it to the kid who saved his life. Jack pleaded for his kid to have him by his side.
Jack was sure that it was that piece of information that got him on a plane to LA not a half an hour later. And he knew that although he was only a day late to be by Mac's side, statistically it was almost three days late due to different time zones and the treatment Mac received in the hospital he helped.
Mac got out of the car and one look at him Jack knew Mac wasn't okay. There was an odd falter in his steps, he kept rubbing his chest and the pink hue under his eyes coupled with his slightly flushed cheeks told Jack that there were still consequences from Mac breathing nitrogen.
The poor kid couldn't catch a break.
"Look at you, driving my car, wearing my glasses, next people would think you are me." Jack teased and knew Mac would understand. It was a surefire way to both tease him and diffuse the situation, because one thing Mac hated the most was people fussing over him openly. Jack couldn't help himself but there would be time and place for that to happen. Eventually.
"They were in the glove compartment and the sun was bothering me."
Mac coughed and squinted at the sun even with the sunglasses on. Jack couldn't resist this time and he reached with the back of his hand to check Mac for fever and then ruffled his hair.
"I know what you are thinking. I'm fine."
"You know, I'm not sure it's okay for you to drive right now. How did you manage with squinting like that?"
"I'm fine."
Mac was as stubborn as they come and Jack wasn't giving up easily.
"I know you think you are fine, and maybe you are right, I wasn't there to see it for myself. But you went through a lot in Georgia. It was nitrogen, Mac. Remember the way you were last time?"
Mac's shoulders slumped in defeat and he screwed his eyes closed. Jack knew he struck a nerve and he felt awful for reminding Mac of it.
"I'm sorry, kid. I just can't help but feel like I should have been there. I should have been there."
"There's nothing you could have done even if you were. It was pretty much run on the clock mission."
"I know." Jack placed a hand on Mac's shoulder and gently massaged the joint. "But still. Both times you almost died from the same cause and I wasn't there to stop you."
"You are here now. That's enough for me."
…
Jack pulled Mac in a hug and Mac couldn't help but groan when Jack squeezed a bit harder. His whole body was sore from the pressure in the baric chamber and he had the start of what Mac was sure would be a pounding headache. He closed his eyes again, because everything was too bright. Jack wasn't too far off the mark and Mac had to admit that he had no idea how he got in the GTO to drive first to meet his father and then to pick up Jack.
"What do you say we hit the road, hoss?"
Mac could only nod, not trusting his voice.
"Are you sure you are okay?"
Mac understood Jack's worry. It was probably why he didn't snap at him even after Jack's constant questions about it.
"Chest is tight and I have a mild cough going on, but nothing too worrying. It will go away in a few days. Till then I'm on medical leave."
"Don't forget the headache."
"Yeah… How?"
"Well, hello there, squinty. You have kept your head down because I assume everything is too bright. And the pressure in that chamber probably had all your joints locked, judging by how tense your shoulder was. Am I missing something?"
"My neck's killing me."
"Of course it is."
They drove in silence for a while before Mac felt like he could talk. He didn't want to worry Jack more than necessary, but his nerves were frayed, and Mac didn't care how whiny he sounded. He knew Jack would understand.
"It was stupid, y'know. I was stupid for cutting off my oxygen line, I know, but I couldn't leave those kids…"
Mac trailed off, lost in his thoughts, faintly aware Jack reached out to wrap his hand around Mac's wrist. Mac knew it was as much of a comfort for Jack as it was for him, to know Mac was really there, feel Mac's pulse underneath his palm. It was also reassuring him silently to tell Jack everything in its own time.
"The second I cut it off, I held my breath as long as I could. I connected the tube to the pressure point and released the vent. That's when black spots started dancing in front of my eyes and I almost passed out. I thought I could hold on, but almost banged myself on a pipe. That's when I had to take a breath."
Mac closed his eyes as he remembered the panic in that moment.
Mexico.
El Noche explaining to him the effects of pure nitrogen torture, how effective it was.
Drowning on dry land.
Georgia.
Mac, struggling to breathe and reach the door, hoping he wasn't going to die alone in that chamber.
Listening to Riley's voice yelling for him, taking one leaden step at a time, feeling like the door was miles away instead of a few steps.
Finally air.
The look of panic on Riley's face as Mac started coughing and couldn't stop.
The breath seizing in his chest.
Losing consciousness.
Mac was jerked out of his musings as Jack hit the brakes, hard.
"Hey, hey, Mac. Breathe, buddy… breathe…"
Jack's voice came from a tunnel as Mac tried to follow his voice. One of Jack's hands was at his neck, gently rubbing the pulse point and Mac leaned into the touch; while the other rubbed on Mac's chest in soothing circles.
"C'mon Mac, breathe with me. Easy. Just follow my lead."
Mac took a lungful of air and promptly choked on it when it didn't reach his airway the right way. He realized he stopped breathing somewhere along his flashbacks and was finding it hard to breathe normally. He didn't want Jack to worry and bring him to medical. He focused on Jack's gentle voice, his touch, his presence and took another breath.
It took him a while, but Mac regained control of his breathing. Jack still kept his hand on Mac's neck while with the other he pulled Mac in a sideways hug.
"You scared me for a while there, kiddo."
"I'm sorry, I don't know what happened. I swear I'm okay. Besides the obvious." Mac added as an afterthought.
"I believe you. You had a panic attack. You were telling me what happened and next thing I see is you zoned out and clawing at your chest. I'm sorry if I braked too hard."
"It's okay." Mac took a deep breath and after he was sure he wasn't going to cough or choke on it he looked at Jack. "Thank you."
Jack patted him softly on the side of his neck and put the car in drive again.
…
After the scare they had on the freeway, Jack watched over Mac like a hawk. He monitored the kid's breathing pattern and noticed a slight hitch in it, but nothing too concerning to change course and drive for medical. They stopped at a gas station to fill the tank and Jack used the moment to ask Matty for days off himself. He wasn't going to leave Mac by himself while the kid recovered.
Once Mac told Jack he wanted to stay at Jack's apartment, at least today, Jack obeyed.
In no time he had Mac parked on the couch and covered him with a blanket. Mac was out like a light the second his head touched the soft material of the pillow and Jack smiled. He was sure this was the first time Mac let himself rest in days.
Jack couldn't resist and ruffled the blond strands, Mac chasing the touch even in sleep.
Jack settled in the leather armchair with an unobstructed view of his partner, and closed his eyes. He needed the comfort of sleep as much as Mac did at this point.
…
Jack opened his eyes and rubbed at them to chase off the last vestiges of sleep. He checked his phone and saw that it was almost three hours since they came back to his apartment.
One look at the couch confirmed Jack's suspicions. Mac was awake and watching him.
"You know it's creepy to watch people sleep, right?"
"Nah, I just woke up. And you can talk, you've done it so many times, I lost count."
"Touche."
Mac tried to stretch and winced. Jack was on high alert and was next to the couch in under a second… probably.
"Easy, easy."
Mac still had his eyes closed with frown lines etched around the corners of his eyes and his forehead. Jack tried to smooth them with his thumbs and Mac relaxed minutely.
"You okay?"
"Yeah, just… everything hurts."
"C'mon, move a bit. Let me sit."
Mac moved sluggishly to make space for Jack. it was adorable how there were pillow creases on Mac's left cheek and his hair was askew. Jack smiled, knowing that it was a sappy thought, but in moments like these Mac looked so much younger than his age, Jack's heart ached. The kid went through so much in his life and he wasn't even 30 years old.
"Lean on me for a bit. Yeah, that's it."
Jack massaged the knots he felt on Mac's shoulders and neck earlier, trying to ease the tension in the joints and muscles.
…
Mac already felt better by the time Jack was done with the massage. His body wasn't tense anymore, and his headache had lessened.
"Thank you, Jack."
Jack smiled at him. "What are friends for? Hey, listen, are you hungry?"
"Mmm, not yet. I was having lunch when you called."
"Ah."
"Yeah. I was having lunch… with my father."
Mac still didn't turn around. He didn't want to see the look on Jack's face. Jack knew about James' advances and his Friday lunch invites, and knew why Mac hadn't accepted them before.
"So you finally accepted, huh?"
There was no judgment in Jack's voice, no anger or disappointment.
"Yeah. I wasn't going to, but I had a talk with Riley while we were on the mission and she said something that made me think. I didn't want to spend the rest of my life wondering if I did enough to repair things between himself and I."
"The thing is, you both need to want that so it could work."
"I know. I mean he wants to try, he clearly showed that much. But I realized I'm still not ready to let go. I want to try as well, but I can't stop thinking of what he did. I swear it's not a payback. It's just… so frustrating."
"Mac, bud, look at me."
Jack's voice was soft and Mac looked up in equally soft brown eyes.
"I know that you are having a hard time to deal with the mess James made. And I also know you are beating yourself because you think it's been months since he came back; and you think that's enough time for you to decide how you'd proceed.
"Let me tell you something. He had a chance to come back at any moment in the last eighteen years, but he didn't. I know you feel pressured to act upon it, but take your time. Your world was turned upside down. You feel like you are not trying enough, but you tried Mac. It's not up to you this time.
"It doesn't have to happen now. Give yourself time. If he wants to repair your relationship, let him try. If he wants to stick around, he will. It's not up to you this time. It's up to him. He should know by now that insisting will only alienate him further from you."
Mac pondered over Jack's words and couldn't help, but think of James' reaction at the diner earlier today. How his demeanor changed when Jack called. Almost like he was jealous of Jack.
It was a powerful thought for another day, Mac decided.
"You are right."
"'Course I am. And I know deep inside you are conflicted about this. You don't have to decide right this instant. You need time and that's exactly what you are going to do. Take your time, Mac. You waited for eighteen years. He can wait a little longer. It's only fair. Just, take it easy, okay?"
"I will, Jack. Thanks."
"Don't mention it. And don't forget it. I'm here. For everything you need."
"I know."
"I'm gonna go and start on dinner. I'm sure you'll get hungry by the time I'm done."
Mac stood up and reached for Jack's arm to stop him.
"Hey, Jack. Thank you for always being here for me. No matter what was going on, you were there. You've done so much for me. He can say all he wants about keeping tabs on my life, but he wasn't there. You were. I want you to know that."
Jack pulled him wordlessly in a hug. Mac held on tight.
They were going to be alright. Whatever happened, they were there for each other.
A/N: Thoughts?