I have no decent excuse for this one. I was bored and thought it was funny.
Enjoy. :D
This is set during Act 1 between post-Gallopolis and pre-Octogonia.
Tales of the Luminary
By Bilbo-sama
What If We Build A Large Wooden Badger
"I have an idea," declared a Heliodoran soldier as he and the rest of his unit settled down at a campfire, their pursuit of the Darkspawn and his allies put on hold for the night.
"Greg," sighed the guy by his left side, "no offense but your ideas are crap."
"Hear me out!" whined Greg, "It's a real good one!" At this, Sir Hendrik flicked his eyes away from his book (does that guy ever read anything else besides technical manuals?) for a second before resuming his reading.
"Alright, fine," said the archer who was watching the campfire's perimeter. He crossed his arms, "Let's hear it."
"What if we build a pit trap?"
All activity ceased and Greg was aware of eyes staring at him. Even Sir Hendrik had lowered his book.
Oh jeez. This...this was a bit much. It's making him feel nervous.
"Has the desert melted your brains?" someone had asked.
But...what if this plan works?
Greg took a deep breath. Right, here goes nothing.
"This Darkspawn guy is always a step ahead of us, yeah?" Greg started, "but his gang must be telling him on where to go next. So what if we skip the next town so we can trap him?"
"We are heading to Gondolia to meet with Jasper," said Sir Hendrik, "The next town the Darkspawn might strike next after that, Puerto Valor, is across the sea. Its possible that the villain will be looking for a ship."
"But what if they don't go to Puerto Valor?" said the woman near the archer, her lance draped across her lap half-cleaned, "what if they head straight to Octogonia?"
...That was a good point as Greg thought it over. Last he heard, there was a tournament coming up and the grand prize was rumored to be a piece of Yggdrasil Herself. Sure, why not.
But letting the Darkspawn get a hold of it would not end well for anyone.
Sir Hendrik must've realized that too because he declared, "Very well. We'll go to Octogonia. But someone will have to meet with Jasper's unit to alert them of the change in plans."
"I'll go," the archer volunteered.
"Excellent. Now, who here has the chimera wings?"
Greg quietly sighed as he brushed sweat off his forehead. Digging a trap in the middle of the road was harder than he expected.
First you have to find the right spot.
Then you have to dig the hole only to discover that some of the local wildlife burrow underground to sleep during the day.
Then you drive off said wildlife that's angry about their sleep being interrupted.
Then you have to debate whether or not you should continue digging or just cover it up. Everyone decided that it was better if they keep digging. Fortunately, there was no signs of baby monsters in the nest.
Then you climb out of the pit and cover it up with sticks.
Then Sir Hendrik takes one look at it and declares it unsatisfactory and too obvious.
So you have to travel further until you are a day away from Octogonia and build another trap. Everyone's first attempt is just the decoy trap apparently.
And so here is Greg, on the digging crew. Again. He wished he got on the watch team to prevent monster attacks. He could've sworn he saw a creature riding a skeleton thing a few hours ago.
Maybe that's what Sir Hendrik is doing this time. Maybe he's off slaying creepy skeleton steeds so the Darkspawn doesn't get one as well.
When the pit was deemed finished, everyone climbed out and learned what Sir Hendrik was doing this whole time.
He had made a tarp and weaved a few leaves on it.
The tarp looked very well made. It was rather impressive.
Was there anything Sir Hendrik couldn't do?
The tarp was carefully laid over the pit and some dirt and more leaves covered it up.
It looked like nothing was out of the ordinary.
"Now we wait," said Sir Hendrik.
By the roots of Yggdrasil, waiting was boring. There was nothing to do for the past several days other than hide in the bushes staring at a random spot on the road.
Greg was pretty sure he can't tell where the stupid trap is anymore. Which...was probably the point but eventually its going to backfire on them instead.
He wondered if Sir Jasper got lucky and captured the Darkspawn.
...But then that would've made this exercise a complete waste of time.
Oh jeez, what if it was? What if Sir Hendrik knew it the whole time?
As Greg stewed in his anxiety, a messenger bird swooped in and hovered around Sir Hendrik. He unwrapped the twine holding the letter to the bird's leg and read it.
"Sir Jasper's efforts in Gondolia have failed," he declared rather dramatically, "The Darkspawn is definitely heading towards our way."
Oh great. More waiting.
...Wait.
Oh shit, the Darkspawn is coming. Anxiety tightened in Greg's chest.
"Do not falter, men," encouraged Sir Hendrik, "we have nothing to fear from the likes of the Darkspawn."
[MEANWHILE]
The Luminary and his companions stared at the scene before them.
"What should we do?" asked Serena.
"Smartest thing would go around it," decided Erik.
'It' being a confused Jargon in a pit that was in the middle of the dirt path. It seemed unimpressed.
"It looks so sad though," said Serena. Everyone else looked back at the Jargon. It was most definitely not sad. In fact, it was figuring out how to escape the trap.
"We should help it," she added. Her twin sighed before walking over to the pit's edge.
"Need any help?" Veronica asked tiredly.
The Jargon roared before spewing fire. Veronica quickly cast a crack spell in response.
"It doesn't want any," she called back, annoyed.
"Are you sure?" said the Luminary who wondered how does one get a very heavy monster of a hole in the ground.
Veronica glanced at the unconscious Jargon. "Yeah, I'm sure."
[Ten hours later]
Greg yawned as he got ready to start his shift. It was an hour after dawn and so far the Darkspawn hadn't appeared yet.
Maybe they got lucky and the ship he probably has stolen sunk in the middle of the inner sea.
A fellow soldier, Flint, sprinted back to their makeshift camp site.
"He's coming!" he announced. "The Darkspawn will be here within the hour!"
Pandemonium set in as everyone scrambled to clear away signs of a camp site and to claim some of the good hiding spots.
Finally it all quieted down just in time for everyone hear a group of people approaching. It was a mixed bunch of travelers. One of them, a teenager with nice hair and a purple traveling jacket, almost sounded like a farm boy who lived near Heliodor.
Greg heard Sir Hendrik quietly growl, "Darkspawn."
What, that's the Darkspawn? And not the guy who was on some wanted posters for thievery? Not the jester? Heck, for all he knew, the little girl was probably the Darkspawn in disguise. No one would expect it.
The thief suddenly stopped and his eyes narrowed with suspicion as he looked down at the ground, "Wait guys, I think-"
His companions stopped but it was too late. Their collective weight set off the trap and all five yelled out in surprise as they fell in.
A string of curses emerged from the little girl and by Yggdrasil, such phrases shouldn't have been said around the child in the first place!
Everyone scrambled to get out of their hiding places and Greg almost reached the pit when he heard the Darkspawn say "I got an idea, hang on."
A blue light shone from the pit and Greg recognized it as the aura the spell Zoom makes. Oh no. He quickly rushed over but then the light dissipated just as suddenly.
The Darkspawn and his followers were gone.
"He's gone," said Flint unhelpfully.
Sir Hendrik, unmoved, decided, "Let's fill this back up. There's no need for it anymore."
Well...this was just...fantastic.
END
Greg was the first name to come to my mind for our hapless hero. Unfortunately, I also forgot that Graig (which kinda sounds similar to Greg) was Hendrik's name in the Japanese version. But by the time I remembered that, I was 800 words deep and decided to continue with it. *shrugs*