Back To Life

~ . ~ . ~ . ~ . ~

Say the words. Just say it. She tries to plead with herself to just put hell into words, but she couldn't. She couldn't bring herself to admit what happened because it would become real. Not just for her, but for someone else. Someone else will know the hell that she had lived through. Staring at the other woman, Elizabeth just couldn't bring herself to say the words, her voice failing her each time she tried. Though she fears the nightmares that grip her through the night, it appears she fears voicing it even more.

"Its okay, Elizabeth." Dr. Baldwin says softly, setting down her notepad. "You showed up. That's a really good first step."

"What if I can't get past the first step?" Elizabeth counters with a shaky voice. "What if this is as far as I get?"

"I know it must seem that way now, but it won't always be like this." Dr. Baldwin assures her. "Right now we're strangers, you don't know me, so, its hard for you to open up. I am quite confident, however, that the more we meet, the easier you'll find it to drop your guard long enough to work out what happened."

"I can't even say the words to myself." Elizabeth says carefully. "I can't let myself go there, doc. I just can't."

"You were held captive for a year, a horrible existence from what I can gather." Dr. Baldwin says after a moment. "The fact that you're not curled up in a ball nearly catatonic is something to be proud of, Elizabeth. In spite of everything you have been through, everything you fear, you are still standing. Let that be enough for now."

"Okay." she takes a deep breath before shaking her head.

"You are clearly a strong, determined woman." Dr. Baldwin comments. "In time, I'm sure you'll be able to find your way again."

"Thanks, Dr. Baldwin." Elizabeth says before rising to her feet. "Same time next week?"

"Same time next week." Dr. Baldwin assures before pulling open the door for her. "Until then, I want you to consider writing in a journal. It has been known to work at times. Okay?"

"Okay."

Walking out of the office, Elizabeth walks straight into Jason's waiting arms, letting out a deep breath once he secures his arms around her. She knows that she has to tell someone what happened to her. She has to get it out before it swallows her whole, but she just couldn't see herself actually saying the words. The nightmares were one thing, but admitting to them...having someone else know what happened...she just couldn't stomach it. He doesn't ask her how it went, he doesn't question her on any of it, simply walking with her out of the hospital and taking her back to the penthouse.

"Elizabeth?" Jason voices when she moves to sit down on the couch.

"I'm okay." she says softly. "I just need some time by myself. If that's okay."

"Sure." he says, moving to kneel beside her, gaining her attention. "Call me if you need me?"

"I will." she assures. "Thanks for going with me."

"Anytime." Jason replies wholeheartedly. "Francis will be stationed outside. I won't be gone too long."

Waiting long enough for him to walk out the door, Elizabeth takes a deep breath before making her way up the stairs to the bathroom, stripping down to her bra and pantie as she stands in front of the full length mirror. Most of the small scars have begun to fade while a few of the deeper scars are still very much visible along her legs. Along her abdomen. Being a lab rat for people like them, the kinds of things they had put her through, the kinds of things she has had to endure, she doesn't know how she'll ever be able to put them into words.

"Hey, Em." Elizabeth greets her as she pulls open the door further to allow her entrance. "Thanks for coming over."

"Are you kidding?" Emily laughs softly. "As if you had to twist my arm."

"I know." she smiles softly. "Where's Nick?"

"He's with Lucky." Emily admits, shrugging out of her jacket. "He needed his help with a project for his new place."

"Oh." Elizabeth voices before walking over to the couch to sit down. "That's good."

"Lucky still doesn't know about you." Emily explains as she sits down on the love chair. "We just can't find the words to tell him."

"Not like he'd believe you if you told him." Elizabeth counters. "I know I wouldn't. I'd have to see it for myself."

"Yeah." Emily agrees. "Have you thought about seeing him?"

"I..." Elizabeth takes a deep breath. "Not yet. I can't."

"Its okay. I didn't think you'd want to." Emily replies softly. "He did get married, after all."

"I should be okay with it...with him moving on." Elizabeth says on a low voice. "I should understand. I should accept..."

"You should feel whatever you want to." Emily corrects. "Liz, you've been through hell, you get to feel whatever you want."

"But he didn't know any of that. He didn't know I was still alive." Elizabeth tries to keep perspective despite her inner turmoil. "He didn't betray me by moving on."

"Liz..." Emily sighs, moving to sit beside her. "It doesn't stop it from hurting, does it?"

"No." she whispers, tears frozen in her eyes. "No, it doesn't."

The tears don't fall, however, having long since given up crying over all that she has lost. The world as she knew it has changed and, somehow, she will find a way to change, as well. She will find a way to let go of what had been and look forward to what could be. Hugging Emily, she takes a deep breath, knowing that it will never be truly done until she comes face to face with Lucky. Until she can look him in the eyes and see the reality set before her. So, as hard as it was going to be, as much as it was going to hurt, Elizabeth knows she has to see him.

"Jason, my boy, have you finished the revisions already?" Edward greets him as he steps aside to allow him to enter the estate.

"Yeah." Jason says, handing him the file as he walks inside. "It'll take a lot of work, but its worth the effort. I put in for the permits and licenses. They should be ready for pick up by tomorrow."

"That's is beyond what I had expected. Thank you." Edward replies as he thumbs through the file. "It means more than you know, boy."

"My way of thanking you for what you did the other day." Jason explains. "Things with Elizabeth...its been hard. I appreciate what you tried to do."

"You're family." Edward gives as his only defense. "And we Quartermaines stick together, no matter what."

"I know." Jason smiles slightly. "If you need anymore help, let me know."

"Careful, boy, I might just hold you to that."

"That's fine." Jason says as he pulls open the door. "Wouldn't say if I didn't mean it."

Leaving the old man to his own accord, Jason makes his way back to Harbor View Towers, needing to meet up with Sonny in regard to the search. They put feelers out through the underworld and are hoping to hear back from some people soon. They already have Stan looking into the van that had transported Elizabeth to the compound. He says that its bouncing through dummy corporations, but he's getting closer to tracing it all the way back to the original source. Walking off the elevator on the penthouse floor, he was surprised to find Emily walking out of his penthouse with a curious look on her face.

"Em?" Jason voices, gaining her attention.

"Oh, hey, Jason." Emily smiles slightly, accepting the hug. "Liz just went up for a bath."

"Everything okay?"

"She wants me to set up a meeting for her and Lucky." Emily explains. "She thinks its time for him to know."

"Ah." Jason manages to get out, uncertain of that particular encounter.

"Anyway, I should get going." Emily says as she hits the down button. "Take care of her, okay?"

"Always."

Walking into the penthouse, Jason decides to make them something to eat, knowing that it couldn't hurt. Entering the kitchen, he got started on making some pasta, boiling the noodles and cooking up the ground beef. He was combining the ingredients when Elizabeth came walking into the kitchen, a soft smile on her lips. Her eyes, though, told a different story. She was having a hard time still and he just wishes he knew how to help her. He wishes more than anything that he could fix it all.

"Need help?" she asks as she stands beside him looking into the pot.

"You can set up a place for us to eat." Jason suggests. "Maybe grab a couple drinks from the fridge, as well."

"Sure." Elizabeth replies. "I can do that."

"Em tells me you're planning on meeting with Lucky."

"I am." Elizabeth admits, grabbing a couple plates and forks from the cupboard before heading to the fridge. "I just need to get it over with, you know?"

"Sure." Jason shrugs. "As long as it doesn't set you back."

"Gotta face reality sooner or later." Elizabeth counters, grabbing some drinks. "I'll set everything up on the coffee table. Maybe put a couple pillows on the floor to sit on."

While Elizabeth and Jason get ready to eat, his meeting with Sonny on the back burner, Emily calls up Lucky to meet up for lunch. His tone threw her off for a moment, but she shrugged it off just the same when he assured her he was fine. Making her way to the diner, she was surprised to find he was looking a little thinner than usual. With an arched eyebrow, she accepts the hug of welcome and takes a seat with him at an empty table.

"You sure you're okay?" Emily questions, uncertain of what's been going on with him lately. "You look...different."

"Nikolas said the same thing." Lucky sighed. "And I'm gonna tell you what I told him. I'm fine. I've just had late hours these last few weeks helping my dad at the club."

"Oh, okay." Emily accepts. "Anyway, I just wanted to ask if you'd be free to meet up later on today for dinner. If you're gonna be at the club tonight, we can meet up there. I just have something to show you."

"Why couldn't you show it to me here?"

"Its not ready yet." Emily replies simply. "It'll be ready by tonight, though, so, will you meet me? It has to be private though, so, maybe reserve a room or something."

"Fine, sure." Lucky accepts with a shake of his head. "Luke's at seven. I'll be there setting up. No one will be at the club until at least eight."

"Good, great." Emily says as the waitress comes to order their food. "Thanks."

"Anything for a friend."

Sending a quick text to Jason's phone, Emily decides to enjoy her lunch with Lucky, knowing its been a while since they've had a chance to truly hang out. One thing or another always tends to break the plans they make and she finds that she truly misses him. Receiving the text, Jason shows it to her, waiting long enough for her to send a reply before he puts it back in his pocket. He can see that she's uncertain of this meeting, but she will go through with it regardless because there was no changing reality.

"Will you be coming with me?" Elizabeth asks as she sets down her fork. "If you're busy..."

"Do you need me to be there?"

"I...I'm not afraid of Lucky. I know he won't hurt me." Elizabeth takes a deep breath. "I just..."

"I'll wait outside the club." Jason says softly, knowing she was trying to stay strong, but wishing she'd just let him see what's truly going on behind the wall she's built. "If you need me, I'll come inside. Okay?"

"Okay." she accepts, picking her fork back up. "Thanks."

"You really don't have to thank me." Jason says firmly. "I want to be here for you."

"I know." she smiles slightly. "I just want you to know how much it means to me that you are. Thanks seems so insignificant in describing what I feel, but its all that comes out when I try to come up with the words that'll express it."

"Sometimes..." Jason says as he reaches out a hand to hold hers. "...sometimes the words don't need to be spoken to be known."

"I'll uh..." she starts to say before her drop to their joined hands, a soft smile touching her lips before she looks up to meet his eyes. "I'll try to keep that in mind."

"Okay." he smiles slightly. "Anyway, I have to go check in with Sonny, see where things stand, but I'll be back over to take you to Luke's to meet with Lucky."

"Jason..." she says, keeping hold of his hand as he tries to get up. "I..."

"Don't be afraid." he says, giving her hand a gentle reassuring squeeze. "You can tell me anything any time."

"Seeing Lucky, its gonna be hard for me." Elizabeth says after taking a deep breath. "I might need a way to escape it all once its all said and done."

"I got just the thing." he assures her with a slight smile. "You gonna be okay here until I get back?"

"Yeah, I'll be okay." she replies before letting go of his hand. "If...If I wanted to talk to you about my time...away...will that be okay?"

"If you can, I'll listen." Jason says without hesitation. "But don't feel pressured into opening up about it until you're truly ready to do so."

"Its not easy for me to open up about what happened, not with myself or with the doctor." Elizabeth admits. "But maybe...with you...I just might be able to."

"After your meeting with Lucky then." Jason says as he grabs his leather jacket. "I have the perfect place for that kind of conversation."

"Okay." she smiles slightly. "Sounds good."

"Okay." he replied. "Just leave the dishes when you're done, I'll clear it up later."

"No, that's okay. I'll do them." she shakes her head. "I've got time on my hands, anyway, and I really don't mind."

"Okay. Call if you need me."

"I will."

As the door closes behind Jason, Elizabeth relaxes back into the couch from her spot on the floor. Turning over the hand that he held, staring at her palm, Elizabeth wonders what that surge of feeling was all about, it was a familiar feeling, but stronger than she had ever felt before. Just by a simple touch of his hand, it sent a wave of electricity through her body, making her wonder about things she hasn't wondered about in such a long time. Strange. Shaking her head, she finishes off her food before clearing the dishes and wiping down the kitchen. Whatever that was that just happened, it'll have to wait for another time and place. For now, she has to prepare for her meeting with Lucky and the goodbye that will inevitably follow.

A/N: There won't be too much focus on what's going on with Lucky, but we will resolve the whole wife issue soon enough as the story gets deeper into Elizabeth's time held captive. Hope you enjoyed this one. The next one will surround Elizabeth seeing Lucky and having a talk with Jason. Till then...take care!