So went the evening, nothing really planned. Yasuo was so far from his routine, each minutes was a completely new feeling, setting to explore.
Since Yi suggested to have dinner, they got on the idea. Merry mood in the small kitchen. Even though in the end Yasuo was far too out of his element to be really useful. He did his best but couldn't do much.
Looking around, handing whatever Yi asked him to find with some quick indications. While it was cooking, the later stayed near the stove, chatting in that happy mood. For all the evening Yasuo felt like his young self, merely able to bother his mom while she made food for this small family. Sitting on the only chair there, he tried to go on the conversation.
Quite easy, this was what he was best at. Being loud, cheerful about any new information on Yi's life.
The big event was when Lily accepted to pay a visit despite the big new threat in her territory. Careful steps in the kitchen, she still came to Yi and meowed loudly for attention. Or food.
« No, dear. I know it's hard to resist but you've nearly done it. Tomorrow. » Kneeling so he could pet her gently, provide some happiness despite the harsh reality.
On Yasuo's part, he wished he could get her attention like this but unsure if she would just run away. Gonna try, gonna try ! Yes he was aware this could backfire. But one had to try.
So gingerly he reached for the cat, letting his open hand to her in questionning wait. To be accepted or not.
If at first Lily didn't seem so convinced by letting that one stranger here, she still came slightly closer. Maybe by mere curiosity.
« Hey. I swear I'm nice. Ask Yi if ya want. » Whispered, as scared she would bite or dodge any attempt at petting.
In the end he ended up sitting on the floor, almost holding his breath as he watched the cat judge him silently.
« I confirm, my lady. He's very nice, I'm sure you'll like him too. » While he kept some attention on their food, Yi petted her, encouraging.
Within seconds Yasuo kicked down the new feeling, before it could impact him too much. To focus instead on Lily and potential friendship to find. He really had no use for another blush right now so full attention on the cat.
Tentatively he lifted his hand to pet her head softly. First victory for the day, she let him do. But everything was short lived, Lily probably decided she would never get her food right now and walked away, slipping under his hand. Last memory of fluffy fur before she was gone.
Both looked at the missing cat's direction, equal sigh breaking silence.
« Sorry, it will take time to fully convince her. »
Quite amusing to hear Yi so sad about this. To be honest, Yasuo would get over this. Not like Lily hated him, she even accepted some petting. So no reasons to apologize at all.
« Nah, don't worry. You took your time too. » Chuckle, thinking of old times.
Yet for this seemingly innocent joke there was only silence as answer. Yi gazed nowhere, attention on their food cooking but it was obvious he was lost in thoughts.
Okkkkk. Yasuo shouldn't have said that, instant regret.
« But that's alright. Everything takes time. »
« Hmm ? Oh, yes. Indeed. » Again taken out of this, kind apology while he resumed. Then he gazed intently at Yasuo. « Yet you persist in saying it was tiresome and annoying to stay around you. Are you alright ? »
Too serious, all of sudden. Shit. Really he shouldn't say things before thinking. It always brought him to moments like these, when someone actually stopped on his words or noticed any emphasis. Nooooooooooo. How to give all attention to some personal issues, with someone who probably didn't care.
That wasn't true, Yi would care. In honest amount. But he couldn't really understand or help on that. It was over for years.
« Fine ! Really ! Just checking, 'cuz I always thought everyone was done with me. » Quick to brush off everything, pass as dumb and careless as he could and maybe it could do the trick. It did at home, at highschool, why not now ?
Fail. Yi looked at him with quizzical eyes, thoughtful. Not a good sign. Right now Yasuo had this lost memory, of being transparent, letting everything to see in his stance and expression. The latter knew something was different, or off.
At least he could stay appeased because it was far too deep for Yi to guess it exactly. Too complex. Leave it, please.
Before anything could be asked, Yasuo caught his attention on something else. « Wait, the food. » He stood and went to check, by Yi's side. Overall this attempt was rather clumsy but it still managed to dodge awkward questions.
« Ah ! » Indeed he focused back on the pan and got busy, leaving the latest topic to die by itself.
As quick Yasuo helped, for their plates to be filled and served. Things going one after the other, they went to eat since it was ready.
Just Yi looking for another chair in his flat, coming back shortly and then they could eat indeed.
Merry mood coming back, as he took at heart to devour his plate. Indeed some time since he left and it got him hungry. Conversation resumed too, since nothing could really shut him up.
At that moment, Yasuo innerly stated that he risked nothing anymore about uncomfortable questions. Successful escape.
It almost went well for the evening. Almost.
Because a few moments later, while they half-chatted, half-finished their plates, Yasuo's phone rang. A call.
At first he didn't pay this a lot of attention, quickly looking at whoever the fuck might call him right now then it stabbed him with little gentleness. His mother was calling him.
No.
All returned to him, fresh memories and wounding words. Agonizing, to live that again when he could have forgotten. Well, no way for him to forget, it would have struck back at some point. But the later, the better.
Ice piercing his chest, real pain as he couldn't take his eyes off his phone. Still buzzing, for he hadn't answered. So far from his actual situation, when he and Yi were happily eating in that small kitchen.
How could a mere action shatter a man's heart ? Even for such a short time, he felt safe. He felt welcome. And now came the reminder of his deeds, that he didn't really deserve to forget and be innocently happy.
« Yasuo ? »
Nothing in that tone, maybe slight worry for Yi must have seen him freeze as he stared at his phone. Not picking it up. And so went the call, unanswered. He wasn't ready for this.
It brought him back to reality, clutching at anything to get out of this new spiral of negative thoughts. It hurt so much, just to remember, to feel the weight of his guilt.
Then the call ended, having taken too long to answer. As if he was ready. Never.
No, not now...
If for a few seconds he felt slightly better, once the emergency of calling back and 'facing' his mother, it disappeared fast. Not even the time to breathe, she called again. Breaking the silence between them.
In a rush for self-protection, Yasuo refused the call. Muted his phone so he wouldn't hear if she was to try again. She would, without a doubt. And it ripped his heart apart to even be aware of that. His mother would want to know, hear what was wrong, why he left so suddenly. A note couldn't nearly be enough to explain.
Not so calm he put his phone away on the table, turned down. And silence ruled the kitchen. Yasuo could feel that gaze, settled on him after such peculiar instant from an outsider's point of view. Yi couldn't understand what was happening in that same moment, how painful it dug but he did notice the odd behavior.
So he finished by asking quietly, clear worry in that tone : « What's wrong ? »