Forgiveness Is A Process, a 100 fanfic

Chapter 1- May We Meet Again

My heart was breaking. After all we'd been through this was it. This was the last time I'd see Bellamy. I couldn't meet his eyes. What a long way we'd come. When we'd met, Bellamy had only been concerned with self preservation. No rules. Yet, he cared for Octavia so deeply that I couldn't help but have a sliver of respect for him. It didn't change the fact that he irritated me in a way no one else could. If I thought Finn calling me princess had been irritating, hearing it come out of Bellamy's mouth was a thousand fold. After the incident with Wells, Charlotte, and Murphy, Bellamy finally realized we needed rules and that we were stronger leading together than apart. With that had come a more loyal, more dedicated Bellamy. Slowly, I began to notice that his warm brown eyes sparkled every time he called me princess. I'd never admit it but secretly over the past couple of weeks I'd realized that I found it rather endearing now.

When I had sent Bellamy into Mount Weather, I felt a part of me break — just like when I'd had to shut the drop ship door burning the grounders to death with rocket fuel and leaving Finn and Bellamy to whatever their fate would be. Then when I learned of the plot to bomb TonDC, I walked away. Octavia had been furious but I could see in her eyes she was also conflicted. The fate of the 100 rested on him. On her brother. Her family. I didn't take what I'd done lightly. Their deaths would haunt me. My mother's eyes when she'd learned of what I'd done would haunt me. This day, the day Bellamy and I had pulled a lever and killed hundreds of innocent people would haunt me. I didn't deserve peace. Not when I had so much blood on my hands.

"Is that….music?" I asked Bellamy, shocked.

"Yeah, Raven told me while I was in Mount Weather she salvaged some old speakers. Some of the music players survived the trip to the ground. I think she wanted to give me something other than a sense of doom to focus on." He said with a hesitant smile.

Switchfoot- Dare You to Move

Welcome to the planet

Welcome to existence

Everyone's here

Everybody's watching you now

Everybody waits for you now

What happens next?

I watched them. Drank them in. Bracing myself for what was next. I could feel his eyes on me but I still couldn't look at him.

"I think we deserve a drink." He said a moment later.

"Have one for me." I said my voice breaking.

I dare you to move

I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor

I dare you to move

Like today never happened

Today never happened before

"We can get through this."

"I...can't go in Bellamy."

Welcome to the fallout

Welcome to resistance

The tension is here

Between who you are and who you could be

Between how it is and how it should be

Yeah

"Clarke, if you need forgiveness I'll give that to you. You are forgiven. Please come inside." He pleaded.

"Seeing their faces every day….it'll remind me of what I did to get them here." I said.

"What we did. You aren't alone in this."

"I bare it so they don't have to." I said my eyes full of unshed tears. Dante's words had clung to me like a thick veil the entire trip back. I closed the distance between us finally meeting those brown orbs—they looked like molten honey in the sunlight. Wrapping my arms around Bellamy's neck I stood up on my tip toes and kissed his cheek.

I dare you to move

I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor

I dare you to move

Like today never happened

Today never happened before

"May we meet again." I said softly.

I began walking towards the woods. I knew his eyes were still on me. Tears now fell freely as I admitted to myself what I'd been denying for so long.

*With Bellamy*

I was stunned. Emotions were tricky for me and all the conflict boiling inside of me had me riveted to the spot. Clarke. She was quick witted, stubborn, and passionate.. When we'd landed we disagreed on everything. It didn't matter how trivial the issue was, she had her way of doing things and I had mine. She did always put everyone else's needs before her own though, and that is a rare and respectable quality. I saw her strength of character when Raven showed up and she stepped aside. When she chose to take Finn's life rather than see him suffer. When she found humor even in her pain and sought me out because she didn't want to be around anyone else. At some point I had grown to respect her. At some point I'd begun to notice how her sky blue eyes sparkled when she laughed, how they darkened into glittering sapphires when she was angry, and how she absent mindedly bit her lip when she was lost in thought.

Maybe redemption has stories to tell

Maybe forgiveness is right where you fell

Where can you run to escape from yourself?

Where you gonna go?

Salvation is here

I bare it so they don't have to; how could I bare it without her? As the realization hit me, I knew if I didn't act I'd regret it forever. I caught her in five strides. As I spun her around to face me, I crushed my lips to hers. I could feel her shock. Then her hands were in my hair, and her tongue grazed my lower lip. I parted my lips and we battled for dominance, my tongue meeting hers. I lifted my hands to her face and felt the moisture there. As another tear escaped I quickly wiped it away with my thumb. I kissed her until my lungs were on fire. I wasn't ready for this moment to end or what might come next.

I dare you to move

I dare you to lift yourself

To lift yourself up off the floor

I dare you to move

Like today never happened

Today never happened

Today never happened before

Finally breaking the kiss, we both panted heavily. I pressed my forehead to hers.

"Close your eyes, Bellamy. Close your eyes and let me go." She said sadly as she pulled away from me.

"Clarke….I…."

"I know. After all I've done….I don't deserve it. I don't deserve peace or forgiveness. Our people need you. Please….watch over them."

"May we meet again." I said quietly as a single tear slid down my cheek. I closed my eyes.

I felt Clarke kiss my cheek one final time. Kissing that tear away. Then she was gone. I took a long, deep breath and exhaled.

"I love you." I whispered into the air unsure if she was still close enough to hear my faint confession. Truthfully I didn't care. I just needed to say it at least once even if it was just to myself. After a few long moments I opened my eyes and walked back through the gates of Arkadia.