A threesome idea that has been nagging away at my brain for days on end! I really must congratulate Jodie + Sacha for the phenomenal chemistry they have as Doctor + Master. And Alex Kingston, because River is a goddess with a gun.
So... spoilers for the veeeeery end of S12, I guess? It's not really gonna take on a huge amount of canon compliance. River's alive. Fuck the timelines. And Time Lords. Sometimes literally. Shameless lover of River's chaotic energy.
-DW-
The Doctor paced around her cell, wishing (not for the first time) that she'd actually listened to River about how she broke out of prison all the time. Because sure, the Doctor had broken out of a lot of places, but only River had the casual confidence to call her captors up to let them know she was back from the last break out, it had happened so many times.
"Ohhh, what I wouldn't give for River right now."
"Well, aren't you in luck!"
Whirling around so fast her coat billowed - rather dramatic and cool looking if she did say so herself - the Doctor almost fell over in shock.
"Am I hallucinating?"
"Possibly, but not because of my lipstick. Well! I must say, I am loving the change."
River - actually standing there, with her magnificent hair and lethal curves (clearly, the Doctor still appreciated her wife despite the 'female' regeneration!) - looked the Doctor over with avid interest and a glitter in her eyes.
After a minute (and an indignant growl), the Doctor realised something.
"How... why do you have him?"
"Oh. I found him crash landing on a planet where I was stealing- never mind. And I saw the outfit and thought he must be you, dressed so ridiculously" the Master growled again "oh do be quiet dear. Now, let's work on the escape and do question time later!"
River grabbed hold of the Master by the chain connecting cuffs to a metal collar (and somehow the Doctor wasn't even a little surprised River just happened to have that on her) and used her free hand to beckon the Doctor along before shooting the door open.
"Was that necessary?"
"No, but it's fun!"
Rolling her eyes, she followed her maverick wife and attached Time Lord prisoner along a shockingly empty corridor.
"Where are we going?"
"Exit! There's a couple of spots where vortex manipulators and the like work, so some official types can get in and out."
"Where are the guards?"
"Dealing with the alarm I tripped ov-" there was a shout, and a shot whizzed past their heads "oh, there they are! This way!"
I definitely need new boots, these are all worn out from the running! the Doctor thought to herself, and she heard River threaten to leave him as a distraction when the Master started trying to slow them down. They skidded around a corner and River's words became truth as they reached a spot with signs saying "designated transport spot". Bit obvious, but very helpful. The Doctor wondered if there was a docking bay somewhere, or if they could only get in and out by some kind of pop-in-and-out. Like the TARDIS.
Oh, where was the TARDIS?
"Quick! Grab hold or stay here!"
With their hands clasped around the vortex manipulator on River's wrist, they vanished just as a platoon of Judoon not on the moon were about to reach them. She wasn't totally sure where they landed, reeling from the discomfort of being hurtled at speed by that tacky tech of River's. She didn't complain out loud. River had just jail-breaked... jail-broke? her. The important thing was, she was out.
"We need to find the TARDIS!"
"Already on it. You're lucky she likes me. Hold this."
She held the hand clutching the Masters chains out. The Doctor gripped them tightly, but the Master seemed surprisingly content to stay there. Given that they were in the middle of somewhere that didn't have much going on, and she could tell if they stayed outside too long the really powerful two suns in the sky would slowly kill them, he probably wanted to get in the TARDIS too.
Doing something complicated-looking with her TARDIS key, River beckoned them over.
"Hold on tight!"
Feeling a bit like her insides were going to be on her outsides soon, the Doctor stumbled but felt relief flood her at the familiar sounds and smells and sights of the TARDIS.
"Ugh, cheap and nasty but we're back! Miss me girl? I don't know how long I was gone... how did you know I was in the Stormcage?"
"Oh, I broke in to the records a long time ago" River pulled a clearly-modified pocket computer from one of her pockets "and I get updates. I couldn't believe when I saw your name. What is it you did?"
"Not entirely sure. There was some angry Judoon platoons and some other angry Gallifreyans and I never did find out what my crime was, just that I was a 'fugitive'. Do the records not say?"
River tapped at her computer, shaking her head.
"No, but they don't always write it down. Very hush hush. The Stormcage is outside of most jurisdictions after all... did you say other Gallifreyans?"
Nodding, the Doctor rubbed the back of her head, thinking. She hadn't quite processed all of that and how it connected to her imprisonment yet, too busy focusing on how to escape. But she couldn't tell River too much. She hadn't even sorted through the whole Timeless Child thing in her head yet either.
"Yeah. They were from the past. Long story I do not know most of! So... do we still do diaries? I haven't been filling mine in, because I can't find it! And what are we doing about him? Where did you even find him?"
Probably already plotting how best to be a huge pain in the neck, the Master was surprisingly complacent for the minute. River looked him over, then laughed to herself.
"Like I said. Crash landing. Ridiculous clothes. Although, I think your outfit might actually be stranger... I can't even imagine what your next regeneration might wear, based on the pattern I'm seeing."
"Hey!"
"Oh, you know I find it part of your charm. And I do like the coat."
"It's got such big pockets!"
Oh, she'd gone all 21st Century Earthling there - Yaz was always complaining that womens clothing didn't have enough pockets. Or any pockets, sometimes. Did they think women had nothing to carry around with them?
"Where did you crash land? How did you escape the bomb?"
The Master glared at her, but that venom in his gaze had lost its edge from before. He looked almost... defeated. Still with that same manic edge that defined him for so long, she noted, but there was a part of him that left Gallifrey broken by the discovery of her truth, the ruin of their home planet and the defeat of his Cyber Lords.
Even psychopaths needed time to recoup.
"The Cyberium. It wanted to survive. Not sure if it did, nor do I care."
He'd been looking a little peaky the last time she saw him thanks to the Cyberium. The Doctor scanned him with her screwdriver, which he rolled his eyes at.
"Nope. Nothing there. I hope it was destroyed, not dumped in to space somewhere to be found again."
That probably took something out of him... maybe that was why he was so well behaved. He tried to lower his arms, but the chains didn't have enough give. With a sound somewhere between a yawn and a sigh, the Master turned to the two women standing there.
"So... what are you going to do with me?"
-DW-
I planned to finish this as a one shot, but then I got sidetracked working on commissions, so I opted to tie this part up (*childish snickering*) and then the answer to that question can come next (*more snickering*). Uh. Yeah. That's it. As River said... kiss kiss.