Chapter 4.
"oh, hey mom". Kuki said, nervously, in an awkward position, as if she were put on the spot right then. "how are you?". "I'm fine". Genki sighed. "we've been calling you for days, and no answer?". "what if something happened?". Kani said. "I told you, wally and I were busy". Kuki said. "we'll answer, when we answer". "right, but, I told you to call earlier". "earlier!". Kani exclaimed. "it's fine dad, my mentees had an appointment earlier, and we woke up late for breakfast". "so, now that I know you're not dead, what have you been up to?". Kani asked. "well, it's no more than the usual, we've had school, and therapy for our special friends". "is that what the board requires you to call them?". Genki asked. "no, that's just what I prefer to call them". Kuki said. "they're more like work than your friends". Kani said. "well, they need someone to look out for them". Kuki said. "I prefer to think of it as creating a family". "well, that's nice". Genki said. Ivanov reached out his hands, waving to Genki. "hello, Ivanov". Genki said gently, yet insightfully. "eee". "eee". "eee". Ivanov noised, opening his mouth. "would you like a hug?". Genki asked. Ivanov signed "hug", as Genki picked him up. "you are getting older, buddy". Genki said. "eee". Ivanov noised. "I know". "you seem tired today". "is something wrong?". "he's been depressed lately". Kuki said. "is it the trauma experienced?". Genki asked. "he is having more tremors which could be aligned with memory". Kuki said. "his doctors have said he is troubled by internal stimuli". "hmmm". Genki nodded. "is he still getting holding therapy, and the baby brush?". "he is, and he is beginning to open up". Kuki said. "hello, Nalana". Kani said, hugging her, pulling her in, almost.
"k aka". Nalana said, pointing. "k aka". "Kani". Kani helped her pronounce. "ka na". Nalana tried pronouncing. "oh, you did so good". "I love that about you". "yes, I do". "yes, I do". The side of Kani's mouth twitched rapidly, as he squeezed Nalana, who giggled. "you look beautiful". Kani said. "did Kuki buy you new pajamas?". "yes". Nalana said. "that's wonderful". "you look great in them". Kani said. "ba da".Nalana said. "what new toys are you playing with today?". "let's see what we have here". "ooo, is this a dolphin?". Kani said, excitedly. "da ba". Nalana pronounced. "dolphin, ee, e,". he then started making dolphin noises. "ba da". Nalana pressed the button, making the dolphin light up, and play music. "oh, this is wonderful". "oh, look at me, I'm a flippin little dolphin, let me flip for ya". He said in an Australian accent. "that's sporty, mate". Wally remarked, walking by. Kani smiled, kissing Nalana's cheek. "you're my best friend". He winked, as Nalana giggled. "k aka". Nalana pronounced. "yes, that's my name". Kani said again, his mouth corner twitching out of neuroticism and hatred.
"so, I hear your school is having a luncheon for practition teachers". Genki said. "yes, they are doing an education on maltreatment and effects of early abuse by the birth parent, on development". Kuki said. "that sounds informative". Genki said. "it is, and it will be conducted by leading researcher, Dr. Sanite". Kuki said. "look, this might come at the wrong time in your career, but, the accounting deposition has opened up a volunteer position you might be interested in". Genki said. "mom, I told you once, and I'll tell you again, I'm not interested". "This is meaningful to me". Kuki said. "It would help if I had some of your support". "you do, it's just, these mentees aren't going to be here forever". "they're going to be removed by the state if you're not able to clear the house in your name, provide insurance for healthcare, right now, I'm paying for the majority of the house". Genki said. "yes, but, I am certified by the state to have my mentees in our house". Kuki said. "hey, mate". Wally said, picking up Ivanov. "it's time to go to the bathroom, mate". "we haven't tried yet today". Ivanov kept sucking at his hands. "oh, I can get him for you…Wally?". "I thought you had work this afternoon and were meeting Kuki for dinner". Kani said. "no, I'm…". "and why is your stuff here?". "are you living here?". Kani asked.
"yes, I am, and I would do it a thousand times". Wally said. "wait a second". Kani made circle motions with his hands, as the tension was rising. "what's going on here?". "ball". Nalana lifted her ball up to show Kani. "give us just a moment, sweetie". He stroked her head. "well, there's no other way to tell you this, but, Wally and I are having a baby". "when I was sick for 5 days in a row, I was actually pregnant". Kuki said. there was an eerie silence that befell them, as Kani shook his head. "what are you talking about?". Genki said, her voice rising. She was no longer easygoing, and thoughtful.
"are you…either I heard you wrong, or the neighbors are about to make a call to local law enforcement". "you…are…pregnant?". "explain yourself". Genki said. "well, it wasn't intentional". "Wally and I were…". "you were having sex, each and every night I bet". Genki said. "this…this isn't something we take lightly". "you and Wally, are dating still!". "you aren't even married!". "oh my word". "you aren't even committed to one another, are you?". "are you engaged?". "no, but, we'll eventually be". Kuki said. "how?". "how are you going to afford it?!". "you'll lose all your benefits you need to take care of these foster children, and this baby, this kid you are about to raise!". Genki exclaimed. "it's fine, mom!". "I'll figure it out!". "No, you won't figure it out!". Genki said. "I can't freaking believe it!". Kani exclaimed as well. "my daughter is going to throw her future away, all because she can't stop %%%%ing some man!". Kani made an advance as Genki pulled him back. "I'm not throwing my future away!". Kuki exclaimed back. "I have a stable job that pays well, and I'm committed to Wallabee". "let me do what I want, let me live my life!". "I can't %%%ing believe it!". Kani exclaimed. "what are you, some wench?!". "you were the exact same way, when I was younger!". Kuki said. "you got mom pregnant when you were unmarried, and had me!". "you do have a point, but, it doesn't mean you can make the same mistakes I made!". "I've only been sober now for 3 weeks, yes, and I've stopped getting high". "I found a pot stash in your room last week!". "don't turn this over on me!". "I know you were getting stoned with your other daughter!". "don't criticize me for the decisions you made". Kuki said. "we're not criticizing!". "we're simply stating fact!". Kani said. "you won't know what you're doing, you won't know what you're doing, that's why you'll leave it to us!". "you are not going to decide my future for me!". "how are you going to afford a kid?!". "how?!". "it's a huge financial commitment, that requires a lot of attention!". "I'll figure it out, ok?!". "This is why I have Wally here, to figure it out!". "you have to be committed to him!". "you have to marry him, and stay with him!". "you both need to figure this out for yourselves!". Genki said.
"we're planning on keeping the baby". Kuki said. "it's not your decision what happens here!". "all my life you've been this way!". "Every time I do something worthwhile to me, you always criticize it!". "when I tried getting dad to the hospital, when I started dating, when I tried helping these kids!". "it's never about me, it's always about you, no matter what!". "or Mushi, and we know what a whore she is!". "I always ask you, just a bit for decency". "I ask you to remove the pot stash so I can at least bring my family over!". "I ask you to quit getting hammered with your friends on thanksgiving when my friends are around!". "You have never been able to accept any of my decisions, have you?". Kuki exclaimed. "try putting up with someone for 13 years, who almost barely graduated high school, barely did anything except drink and party, and destroyed our family". Genki said. "try getting a call at 3:30 in the morning that your daughter was passed out, high in the parking lot". "try coming home to find your daughter passed out with beer". "I have tried, and tried with you, but you keep antagonizing everyone around you". Genki said.
"I was about to say the exact same thing". Kuki said quietly. "my whole life, I was wondering if this family was going to be ok". "I would wake up some nights, wondering if and when you were going to be home". "I was too embarrassed to have friends over, mainly because I was worried about whether or not you would be passed out somewhere". "I had to worry about things no kid should worry about". "I had to worry about paying bills, getting food on the table, making sure Mushi wouldn't get into trouble". "I had to worry about school, and barely graduating high school". "it was difficult enough knowing grandpa had just died a bit ago before, too". "don't blame me". "you've made some bad decisions yourself". Kuki said. "I understand". Genki said. "and we know that you weren't born by the traditional methods either, but, we're trying our best". "we're doing what we can". "yeah". Kuki said. "we got rid of the pot stash, and we'll help take care of the baby". "any way we can". "if you need some money for marriage we'll pay for that too". Genki said. "whoa, whoa, whoa". Kani said. "I thought we agreed, she made a huge mistake, she needs to figure this out on her own". "right, it's not what I would've chosen for her, but, it's not our choice to make". "mmm hmmm, mmm hmm, so I should just go &&&& myself then!". Kani stormed out.
Wally sat watching, as Kuki stood nearby. "it was nice to see her parents back to their normal selves, although she had never seen Kani this freaked out. she could've sworn she saw his penis explode. "you know your dad". Genki said. "allow me". Kuki said, going out on the porch. "dad, wait". "nope, no, no, no, not right now, Kuki, I just, I can't". "uh uh". "no". "well, you should know that I'm making every effort to raise the income". "we have two well paying jobs, and we're saving for a bigger house". "do you get it?". Kuki asked. "I don't get it". Kani said, adjusting his tie. "I'm never going to get it". "you… screwed up!". "that's all there is to it". "there is no taking back what you did". "right but, I think being a pathetic, screw up stoner runs in the family". Kuki said. "I know, I may've made some bad decisions". "when I was your age, I did get your mother pregnant, and I was absent for a while". "I learned that making bad decisions not only reflects poorly on you, but, it also affects the next generation you're bringing in". Kani said. "I only wanted you to work at the firm, be the highest in the class, because you're smart". "you have too much potential to make the same mistakes I did". "I get it, but, mistakes' already been made". "my child is an excellent child, he or she is a blessing". Kuki said. "god created it". "whatever you believe". Kani said. "we said the same thing about you, and Mushi". "we turned out great". Kuki said sarcastically.
"I suppose you're right". Kani said. "look, the person I am, and the person you want me to be are two very different people". "I just hope you're ok with the person I am now". Kuki said. "I am". Kani said. "It's just, you know how difficult it is to support this". "I realize that". Kuki said. "well, it'll be great having a grandchild to teach certain things to". Kani said. "right, but, you do realize in order to be a part of my baby's life, you are going to have to keep the pot stash locked". Kuki said. "right". "hey how long has it been since you've had a hit?". "three, four years?". "when I got screened to work at the school". Kuki said. "I had to give it up". "I haven't given it up yet, but, in the near future I might". Kani said. Ivanov sat by them, reaching his arms upward. "eee". "eee". "eeee". He noised, wanting Kuki to pick him up. "hi, baby". Kuki said, picking Ivanov up. "are you ok?". "did you play with ball?". Ivanov turned his head. "hello, Ivy!". Kani said, excitedly, giving him a hug. "I know, buddy". "Is today a good day?". Ivanov stared vacantly, sucking more drool. "I know, I know, buddy". "I love you too". Kani said. Ivanov noised, concerned, as he reached upward. "shhh, it's ok". Kuki comforted. "he's here to say hello to you". "eeee". Ivanov noised, playing with his fingers. "I love you, buddy". "I love you so much, my best friend". Kani hugged Ivanov, as Ivanov resisted.
"Do you want to go outside?". Kuki instructed Ivanov using a response question. "outside". She signed. Ivanov watched Kuki signing, making the sign for "outside". Kuki took Ivanov outside on the porch. Ivanov still played with his fingers, looking up at Kuki. "I love you". Kuki sang in a soft hum. "I lo-ove you". Ivanov laid his head on Kuki's shoulder. "he looks quite comfortable". Genki said. "he's had a good day today". Kuki said. "did you change his mood stabilizer?". Genki asked. "he was on Abilify, but, he was becoming anxious, so we switched him to Respiridone, and Alanser for daytime tremors, he's been depressed, but he hasn't had any episodes". "how has he been developmentally?". Genki asked. "he has learned to follow basic directions, show attachment to objects, and communicate using sign language, although his vocabulary, and understanding of the world, and positive love, is limited". Kuki said. "has he learned colors, and shapes?". Genki asked. "he's still struggling with identification". Kuki said. "although, he is willing to learn, and he does work hard". "He is very fortunate to have you as a mentor". Genki said. "Thank you". Kuki said. "Not many children from the republic get that opportunity". Genki said. "They normally don't if the adoption ratio isn't that great". Kuki said.
Ivanov played with Kuki's sweater, as Wally came outside. "so, I told your father to rid the world of his pot stash". Wally said. "I wouldn't be surprised if you had one as well". Kani said. "I got rid of it when we brought our special friends over from Russia". Wally said. "I've been four years clean". He took out his vape pen, beginning to smoke. "I began thinking about getting rid of it when we decided not to go to the club". Kani said. "we just play bar bingo as of now". Genki said. "mm, that's old, that's dorky". Kuki chuckled, as Ivanov closed his eyes in her arms. "I can't have sex on a dirt floor anymore". Kani said. "besides, when I get high, I usually like to do it in peace and quiet". "our marriage is strong, still". "we'll "play" each night". "we might get freaky, but we still play". "the other night, she wrapped her V around my D". Kani said. "I only did it so you would stop pushing so hard, it hurt". Genki said. "I was high while doing it, I honestly didn't know what I was doing". Kani said. Kuki came back out from putting Ivanov in his room. "how could you not know what you were doing at that particular moment?". Kuki said, chuckling a bit.
"I was high". Kani said, lighting a cigarette. "of course you were". Kuki said. "it didn't particularly feel good, but it didn't feel bad either". Genki said. "he was pushing inward, which made it hard to pull back, but you feel comfortable with, what you feel comfortable with". "it's just a way of nature". "I pushed in, but she didn't try and do anything mainly at all". Wally said, blowing smoke from his vape pen. "at least you're classy with it". Kuki said. "you don't try putting anything in my mouth". "that's mainly because unlike your sister, you're not a whore". "that could be true". Kuki said. "you %%% to the left simply because you like it". Wally said. "yeah, that's mainly me". Kuki muttered. "I do the same thing". Genki said. "mainly because his D feels great". "you haven't done anything yet". Kani said. "when I try %%%ing right, you complain, or you make noises". "maybe we shouldn't smoke weed during". Genki muttered. "yeah". Kani said. They each sat back, as the essence of their sins filled the air. It was a carefree essence, that marked hedonism, and freedom.
Smoke from Wally's vape pen, and Kani's cigarette filled the air. Nalana, in her pajamas, came outside, holding her sippy cup. Putting his cigarette down, Kani opened his arms. "hello, my best friend". He smiled. His stained, igaro teeth were seen as he smiled. "k aka". Nalana said, climbing into Kani's arms. "yes, how are you?". "did you just wake up?". "yes". Nalana said. "that's wonderful". "it's always nice to have a nap planned". "I wish I had a nap planned, but, I don't have time for any". Kani said. "ju ju". Nalana said, pointing to her sippy cup. "yes, I see you had some juice". "juice is delicious". Kani said. "ju ju". Nalana said. "yes, I know, baby girl". "oh, you look so beautiful". Kani said, brushing a strand of hair from Nalana's face. "a b aba ba". Nalana said, babbling. "you are just everyone's dream girl". "we love you so much". Kani said, kissing Nalana's cheek. "my best friend". He then chuckled, stretching his mouth out, making a hook face. Nalana giggled. "my bestie and I, we're tight". He said, curling his fingers. Nalana still giggled. "my best bestie". Kani said, tickling Nalana. Nalana laughed now, sitting in Kani's lap. "you have such a way with children". Genki said. "they need someone to love them". Kani muttered. Smoke from his cigarette trilled up thinly, as Nalana sat in his lap. "b aba". Nalana said, drinking her juice. "I know, honey". "I love playing with you, too". Kani said.
"maybe one day, when Kuki doesn't know it, we'll have a special day, and go to your favorite park, and get some pineapple". "dad". Kuki said. "I was only kidding". Kani said. "no, no it's fine, we'll just have to work around their school schedule". Kuki said. Nalana drank her milk, as everyone else sat outside, smoking. Yes, this was Kuki's family. Luckily, they had accepted her pregnancy, even as they had known they had made the same mistakes themselves. The Sanban family was obsessed with the wrong things. Kuki was obsessed with sex, which resulted in a child of her own.
Later that night, as everyone was getting ready for dinner, Ira stood nearby, after putting the spaghetti down in front of Ivanov. Ira asked, "so, your parents are ok with you having a baby?". "they are". Kuki said. "they agreed to help us out if we need it". "oh, that's nice". "Genki is really understanding, so, I guess it will work out well". Ira replied. "they agreed to stop smoking pot, and weed, and all of it for the duration". Wally said. "well, dad agreed to put his pot stash in a lock box, so, that's a big step". Kuki said. "at least now they can still smoke before sex". Wally said. "it's weird that they still do that". "yeah, I hate to say, that's one of their best qualities". Kuki said. "um…why do your parents do drugs?". Ira asked. "I'm sorry if I'm really direct, but…". "well, they didn't always make the best decisions". Kuki said. "they dated for a while, and had children before getting married". "I understand it's not ideal, but, they weren't thinking, just as I'm sure you know we weren't thinking". "oh, it's ok". Ira said. "you know we're pathetic". Kuki winked, smiling. Ivanov sat staring at his hands, playing with his fingers. "Ivanov". Kuki said, gently. "it's time to eat spaghetti".
Ivanov noised, turning his head. "no, let's eat". Kuki instructed, kindly. she picked up his forkful, feeding him. Ivanov chewed the spaghetti, then swallowing it. Pressing down on his throat with her fingers, Kuki helped him swallow. "eee". Ivanov noised, turning his head. "let's eat this bowl". Kuki said. "then you can have yogurt". Ivanov swallowed, chewing his spaghetti, not arguing, or making noise. "good job, baby". Kuki smiled. "a ga". "a ga". Nalana showed Kuki her spaghetti bowl. "all gone?". "that's good". wally said. "please have just a little bit more". Kuki said, gently. Wally got some more for her, as she ate. Feeding Ivanov, Kuki felt a sharp pain in her stomach, as she gave him the last bite. "sickies already?". Wally came up behind her. "perhaps". Kuki said. "I'd like to think of it as disruptions, but, I'll have to get through it". "eh, you will". Wally said. "watch it be the easiest thing you do". Kuki gave him a look, as he nodded, knowing he screwed up. "eee". "eee". "eee". Ivanov noised, making the more sign. "yogurt". Kuki instructed. "yogurt". "eeee". Ivanov pointed. "ok, let's eat some yogurt". She pulled the tab off of the yogurt container, feeding Ivanov some.
"eee". "eee". Ivanov noised as Kuki fed him a spoonful. "oh, boy". Wally yawned. "putting up with the Sanbans all day has worn me out". "mmm, just imagine if my sister were here". Kuki said. "I'll bet it would be torture". Wally said. "mmm". Kuki mumbled, feeding Ivanov some more. She loved her boyfriend, she did. Even if he was a bit, quirky. Ivanov sat, feeling the feeling of trauma, and fear leave him, as it was replaced with comfort, softness, and tired feeling. Ivanov felt exhausted having to keep his defenses up all the time. Now, he felt as if he had been vigilant for way too long. Now, he felt there was no detectable threat. Feeling his eyelids get heavy, he began nodding off. "Ivanov". Kuki said gently. Ivanov opened his eyes, noising concerned. "shh, it's ok". "let's finish our yogurt, get our bath, and go to bed, ok?". Ivanov swallowed the rest of his yogurt, as Kuki carried him to the bathroom, undressing his pajamas. "mmm, Wally". She said. "yeah". He put the paper down, responding to her call. "would you mind taking Ivanov to get his bath?". "I'll get Nalana". "no, I can get her". Ira said. "are you sure?". Kuki asked. "no, I'm fine". Ira said. "mm k". Kuki said. "thank you for helping out". she kissed Ira's cheek, as Ira looked up at her. "I love you". Kuki said. "thank you, I love you too". Ira said. the family went about their normal routine, as life now seemed to be normal for them. Save Kuki's baby.
Meanwhile, Mushi Sanban, a grown woman with black hair, high heels, painted, gel fingernails, and lips painted red, sat with a facial, as she smoked her cigarette. A glass of wine sat nearby. "so, you won't believe this". Genki said, sitting by her daughter with another glass of wine. "Kuki's pregnant". "mmm, mm hmm". Mushi said, blowing out more smoke from her cigarette. "I figured she would be after %%%ing up her life, and not taking the accounting job". "I wonder if, just if, she can find more ways to cause upheaval to this family". "well, we can, and we are doing all we can to support her". Genki said. "she should be left to her own devices". "if we let her go, she can do it on her own, see it's too hard, and fail". "well, she's still boarding those special needs kids". "oh yeah, because no one else will?". Mushi said. "she seems to be pretty adamant about it, so, it's whatever she wants to do". "cool". Mushi said. they still smoked their cigarettes, all blaming Kuki for her screw-ups, when they screwed quite a bit themselves.
Now that everyone was in their bed, Kuki brushed Ivanov's face, stroking it as he noised. "I love you". she said. "I love you so much". "I remember we got you, we held you for the very first time, and knew you were ours". Ivanov reached up with his hands, the same way an infant, touching, and exploring the world around them would. "you are my special boy". "I will always love you, Wally will always love you, Nalana will always love you, Ira will always love you". Kuki kissed Ivanov's face, stroking it softly with her backhand. "eeee". "eeee". "eee". "shhh, I'm here". Kuki said, softly. She brushed Ivanov's face with her hands, massaging his face. "ohh, you're my amazing boy". "eee". Ivanov noised. "shh, shh, shh, hsshh, shh,". Kuki whispered, massaging Ivanov's face. "it'll be ok". "I lo-ove you". "I lo-ove you". Ivanov felt sinking into the massage, into the gentle nature of Kuki's love, as he let his guard down, trusting she wouldn't hurt him. his eyes began closing, as he sunk into his pillow. "goodnight, baby". Kuki whispered. "see you in the morning". Kuki then kissed his forehead, walking out of his room, into Nalana's room.
"ku-ki'. Nalana said, sitting up in bed. "hi, baby". Kuki said, sitting down at the edge of her bed. "it's time for sleep". "ba da". Nalana pointed. "I know, baby". "we'll play with dolphin tomorrow". Kuki stroked Nalana's forehead, kissing it as she looked up, pointing at Kuki's stomach. "b aba". Nalana pointed. "there is a baby in there". "god put it there". Kuki said, gently. "baby will love you just like we love you". Kuki said. "b aba b aba ba". Nalana babbled. "shh, it's ok". "it's ok". Kuki stroked Nalana's forehead, kissing her cheek. "do you want to hear a story?. Kuki asked. Nalana went over to her bookshelf picking out "Nala loves Ana". It was a story her birth parents always told her. after reading her the story, Kuki saw Nalana's eyes fall, as she calmed down a significant amount, feeling the love, and nurturing she experienced. It was love, nothing more. Nothing less. It was the kind of love that existed in a family such as theirs.
Seeing Nalana go to sleep, Kuki retired to the main master room, laying down beside Wally. "I'm so surprised I haven't gone off on my parents yet". Kuki said. "your parents seem like good people". "yeah, but, I think we're all too screwed up to blame one another". Kuki said. "it seems that way". Wally said. "oh well, right?". "oh well". they kissed one another as they both laid down. The world around them. The neighborhood, now with its specks of orange lights different places, now with the specks of pink lights different places, fell asleep. Fell back into a routine of calm, pleasure, and escape from bad decisions, into acceptance, that no matter what these decisions, would be accepted no matter what.
Ira felt her face sweat, as her body began shaking. Tears ran down her face, as she let out a concerned cry. It felt like no one could hear her. It felt like no one cared. Crying again, she let out an even worse concerned cry. Still nothing. Feeling her heart rip apart, she felt she was going to be threatened. She felt she was going to be hit. Crying again, she shook. She didn't know who to go to, until she eventually breathed deeply, sitting up in bed. getting up, she went over to the master bedroom, Kuki and Wally's room. Darkness surrounded the room, as it seemed they both slept. Sheets rustled, as Kuki stretched outward. "dt". She seemed to breathe airily with emphasis on the t. "mmm, are you ok, Ira?". Kuki whispered, brushing the pillow with her backhand. "no". Ira said. "I…I had a nightmare". "oh, it'll be ok, sweetie'. Kuki whispered. "I know it's hard, but, we'll work together to do it". Ira laid next to Kuki trying not to cry. Trying not to feel the pain felt in foster care. The sheets billowed upward, as Kuki's long legs were seen kicking them up. "we'll get through this". Kuki whispered. "as a family". "ok". Ira said, feeling her eyes get heavy, as she felt the sheets come down again, and the love felt by someone like a big sister to her, flutter over her. it felt good to be loved by someone at least. Now, Ira knew, less could be wrong. Ira laid down, closing her eyes, knowing her older sister, Kuki would be there for her, in case anything happened. She knew Kuki would help her, become acclimated. Become part of a true family.
As she slept, she knew her abuse was over. She knew the hurt was past her. she knew the torture of loss, and pain was behind her. now, she was part of a real family, while they did have a checkered past, they still loved her, and considered her one of their own.