Chapter 5.
The next morning, clouds seemed to shroud the sun that had been hidden away behind the silver. Clouds seemed to cover the sky that had promised a fun, innocent day. Waking up, Ira felt the tears streaming down her face, as she tried regaining composure. Her body shook, as she regressed, emotionally, letting out a concerned cry. Seeing no one could hear her, or that no one was concerned, she remained quiet again, only for a few seconds, before she let out another loud cry. Blubbering now, her body still shook, as she felt her heart sink. She felt her heart get even lower, as she now relied heavily on instinct. Who was going to save her? who cared about her? Curling her body up again, she began rocking back and forth, trying to keep the trauma from entering her mind. she tried to keep from remembering the block of wood struck at her to keep her quiet, or the jab the knife took when it almost pierced her heart multiple times, and she almost died.
Feeling the trauma return, she let out a scream, as tears streamed down her face. She began vomiting again, as spit covered the bed. screaming again, tears continued falling down her face. She was reliving the trauma, every second of it, every stage, as she screamed yet again. Rocking back and forth, she continued crying. Getting up, she went outside on the porch, as Wally remained shirtless, smoking his vape pen. Kuki in her lacy neglige, drinking her coffee. "we had some of the best sex we've had in a few nights". Wally said, blowing smoke from his vape pen. "ok". Ira said, sniffling, holding back her tears. "I'm not even sure we should have sex while pregnant". Kuki said. "It was nice". Wally said. "you feel the baby in there, already?". "I haven't felt morning sick yet". Kuki said. "hmmm". Wally replied. Smoke continued billowing upward, as they both sat back. Kuki feeling the pain her vagina was already in.
"Good morning, Ira". Kuki said, gently, putting her foot up. "hi, Kuki". Ira said, as tears still streamed down her face. "How are you feeling?". Kuki asked, brushing Ira's face with her hand. "I had a flashback". Ira said. "I had a flashback to when my foster family tried to kill me". "well, it's ok". Kuki said, kissing Ira's forehead. "it'll be ok, sweetie". "we love you very much". "we're your family, we have loved you ever since you were brought home". "I know". Ira said. "it's just, I…I sometimes think that, my…my…my foster father will come back, and he'll try to kill me, and my family". "when that happens, I feel like everything I worked for will be gone". "I know, but, that part of your life is gone". Kuki said, gently. "it's gone". Ira said. "yes, and your foster father will never be back to hurt you". Kuki said. "I know". Ira said. "Ira, sweetheart". Wally put his vape pen aside, his thick Australian accent resonating with his sympathetic voice. "you have been an inspiration to us all". "you have made our lives worth living". "I know things haven't been easy for you, but you've proven just how much more successful you are than us". He smiled, as he rubbed Ira's back. "yes". Kuki said. "your family loves you, and admires just how much you've done to change our world for the better".
Kuki rubbed Ira's hands, as Ira sniffled, trying to calm herself. Kuki then began blowing in Ira's face, as Ira continued crying. Her tears falling down rapidly. "mmm, did you feel flashbacks come on while you were away in Sweden, and Italy?". Kuki asked, gently. "they would come on almost every night". Ira said. "my current family tried doing everything they could do to help, but I didn't want to be a bother to them, so, I…I…I kept it to myself". "Do you think it's because maybe you don't trust them fully?". Kuki asked. "yes". Ira replied. "baby, it's important to share certain things with your family". Kuki said. "you've had to go through it all alone for so many years; now, some of your biggest advocates are here to help you". "I know". Ira said. "I have always loved you, ever since the day you were born". Kuki said. "you…you know about the day I was born?". Ira asked. "are you sure you know about it as a friend, and not as a mentor, or teacher?". "I know about it as your best friend". Kuki said, gently. "you were born to your mother and father in 1998, and had wonderful parents". "they held you, rocked you, sang to you, they thought you were the greatest gift, as a newborn".
"your mother, and father were both killed in a tragic car accident that you had to experience". "After the car accident, you were taken to a very run down, orphanage, where no one had loved you, rocked you, held you, sang to you, you were deprived of love". "then your foster family adopted you, and you were locked in a small room, tied down to a potty chair, and your crib, you couldn't look outside, you couldn't see anyone". "you were deprived of nurture, and touch". "yeah, and I was beaten". Ira said. "my foster family tried to kill me, and when I was taken out, my foster father killed himself". "mmm, you couldn't talk, you couldn't swallow, you didn't attach to anyone". Kuki said. "but eventually, you were taught how to communicate, how to feed yourself, how to learn, and you thrived". "when I first saw you in Children's, I knew you were going to be successful". "you had such a readiness, and willingness to learn, and grow as a person". "I know". Ira said. "I know that I was hurt growing up, but, I didn't hold anything against my foster family". "they were just trying to do the best they could". "my foster father had psychological problems of his own, and he took it out on me, because he didn't know how to raise children, and start a family". "I forgive them, and I hope that they know that things will get better for them". Ira said. her wide, round eyes made her look like a trier. Her wide eyes made her look like someone who needed love.
"that's so inspiring". Kuki smiled, continuing to rub Ira's hands. "I love how you chose to forgive your foster parents". "I will be honest with you, that is hard for some people to do". "It would be hard for me to do after I experienced that much pain". "yeah, I'm trying". Ira said. "I know that, I'm someone that I guess it takes me a little longer to learn things, but, I'm doing my best". "I'm trying to help the world because I know that's what it needs". "I'm doing my part because I believe that god will protect me, and that, even if no one else believes in me, and if no one else thinks I can do it, I always know that my birth family believes in me, and that god believes in me". "Ira, it's ok to be someone that has difficulty". Kuki said. "remember, it isn't your fault". "you were deprived of basic human contact, you never had anyone to touch you, or hold you". "I know". Ira said. "you've had a lot of difficulty at first". "do you remember that?". Kuki asked. "not really". Ira said. "when I first saw you, and worked with you at Children's, you couldn't turn your head when I would talk to you, you wouldn't sit up, that was the only way you could communicate, was through babbling". Kuki said.
"you came to children's when you were 13". "you eventually learned to speak, you would say, "more", and "please", "thank you". Kuki said. "you learned shapes, colors, you learned to read, you learned to count". "yeah, and now I'm reading things on an expert level, and sometimes, I wonder how I can even understand it". Ira said. "mmm, but you've become so skilled, we are so proud of everything you've accomplished". Kuki said. "you have such integrity, and character". "I'm proud of the amazing young woman you are". "thank you". Ira said. "um… you're a teacher that works with kids who have been abused, and adopted, but, um…do you work with any high functioning kids?". "sometimes". Kuki said. "I work with the severely abused, and the majority of them have a low executive functioning level, but, I occasionally get some who work above grade level". "oh". "well, I wanted to say, thank you for helping me for all of those years". "I appreciate it". Ira said. "sweetie". Kuki took Ira's hands in hers, as Ira looked down for a quick second.
"your entire life, I've always known you were going to be an amazing person, who has done awe inspiring things". "you have given me so much in these past couple of years, I can't thank you enough". Kuki said. "thank you". Ira replied. "I've loved how you persevered". Kuki said. "you are so hardworking, and tenacious, you are my inspiration". "I couldn't have done half of the things I have without you". "oh, well, thank you". Ira said. "my pregnancy, and sex, well, that was all my choice". Kuki said. "I've made some mistakes throughout my life, but, I could never achieve what you have". "you are my hero, you make us, us". Kuki hummed a soft hum, hoping to calm Ira. Kuki was just being optimistic, and helpful toward Ira. Kuki had never achieved highly, due to laziness, and pleasure, not necessarily because of smarts. She was smart enough to head medical research, or become a broker, although she chose differently. "kiddo, it's true". Wally said. "you have opened our minds, and allowed us to be proud of ourselves". "you are our special girl". "thank you". Ira said. "she is wonderful, huh?". Wally said. "she truly is". Kuki said, brushing a strand of hair from Ira's face. "mmm, my V hurts". Kuki said, leaning back in her chair. "you try taking compezine?". Wally remarked, blowing more smoke from his vape pen. "I did". "it's really %%%ed though". Kuki said. "I didn't hear you get sick this morning". "I did, but it was way early". Kuki said. "you have morning sickness?". Ira asked. "mmm hmm, it's still early in my pregnancy, the baby's has grown 4 inches, but, it's still pretty small". "not too small that it doesn't cause sickness". Wally said. Ira sat, dissolving this. Kuki and Wally loved one another, very much. They loved one another to indulge in the pleasure of sexual intercourse, of making love with their physical forms, their bodies, and apparently, making another person because of it. Ira took a deep breath, trying not to let it bother her, trying to grasp the information that Wally and Kuki did love one another.
Nalana came out, sitting, playing with her color ball. "a ba". She said, lifting her tiny hand. "what is that?". Kuki said, putting her coffee down. "ball". "ball". Nalana pronounced, correctly. "yes, that is a ball". Kuki said. "what colors are on the ball?". "bu, bu". "gee, gee, b aba". 'blue, green, yellow, red". Kuki said slowly, so Nalana could understand. "ba da". Nalana lifted her hand upwards. "can you point to yellow". Kuki instructed as the ball turned yellow. Nalana looked confused. "yellow". Kuki said slowly. "b aba, b aba b aba ba". Nalana babbled. "ok, it's time to get ready for school". Kuki said gently. "bub u". Nalana pointed, making sucking noises. "you can bring ball to school". "ball". "ball". Nalana pronounced. Nalana picked up the color ball bringing it inside. Ivanov noised, still in his room. "hi, baby". Kuki said gently, smiling as she picked Ivanov up, stroking his face. "are you ready for good morning kiss?". "good morning". She smiled, chuckling, kissing him on the cheek. "eee". "eee". Ivanov noised a little bit. "mmm, I love my special boy". She thought, indulging in the thankfulness she held toward her family. "he is so perfect". "let's get ready for school, ok?". Kuki took Ivanov in the bathroom undressing him from his pajamas, putting on his T shirt, and jeans. She then helped him brush his teeth over the sink. Taking him outside, she sat him at the kitchen table, feeding him his yogurt.
"da da". Nalana pointed. "no, please don't be silly". Ira said. "I need you to eat your yogurt". "b aba b aba b aba". Nalana babbled. "please eat". Ira said. "girlie". Wally said, sitting in front of Nalana. "girlie, what are you sayin this morning?". Wally chuckled, as Nalana babbled. "ere, let's eat some yogurt". "can you do it, you good?". "w aba". Nalana pointed. "wally". Wally said, guiding her along. "wa wee". She pronounced. "good job, mate". Wally smiled, ruffling her hair. "mmm, she's getting really sharp with pronunciation, and vowels". Kuki said. "she is". Wally said. "I've certainly noticed". "I can be home by 3:30 tonight". Kuki said. "I could probably be back by 4". Wally said. "I might have some planning to do, but I do need to be at an OBGYN appointment by 4:30". Kuki said. "we'll have to make sure they get dinner, and their baths by 8". "yeah, I can do that". Wally said. "mmm, oh god". Kuki said, noticing a sharp pain near her uterus. "oh, god why". She said. 'I'd just let it go". Wally said. "mmm, it's really getting in there". "I should probably take some compezine". Kuki said. Ivanov noised, reaching his hand up. "hi, baby". Kuki smiled, kissing him on the cheek. "did you have some yogurt?". "yum, huh?". "eee". "eee". "eeee". Ivanov noised. "I know, buddy". Kuki said, wiping his face. "you'll get some yogurt at school".
"eee". Ivanov noised. Ira with her glassy, bubble, bubble eyes, looked ahead, seeing everyone. She felt no more trauma, no more loss, although she did feel the deep feeling of sadness underneath, the feeling of hopelessness that ate away at her, consuming her soul, writhing in a hidden pain that tore away at her like a bad virus she wanted to die from. Ira felt a tear come to her eyes, as she sat sniffling, trying to hide the stinging feeling from Kuki. She wanted to take the knife. She wanted to harm herself, as much as she wanted to kill herself. It was her fault. She was the reason her foster father killed himself. She was at fault for being loud, for being happy, and wanting to be a normal infant. Ira felt tears come to her eyes, as she tried hiding them, swallowing hard. She looked down at her phone, hearing it buzz. Looking at one of the texts, she saw it was from Marie, the developmental therapist. "hey beautiful, you busy?". It read. Ira looked around, then texting back, "no". "great, how would you like to meet me at the spa later?". "we'll have a day just to ourselves". The text from Marie read. Ira texted back, "ok".
"ira". Wally said in his deep, reassuring voice. Ira looked up at him. "ye alright, mate?". "what're ye doin?". "I…I just got a text from Marie, she wants to have a girl's day with me". "I don't have any school stuff until later, can I go?". "sure". Kuki said. "will you be back in time for dinner later?". "yes". Ira said. "ok, well, have fun". Kuki said, wiping Ivanov's chin. Ira stood up, seeing the family was busy finishing breakfast. Looking around, she got her keys, going outside, ready to meet Marie at the spring.
The spa was a quiet, earthy place where peace, and tranquility couldn't be sought after, as it was already there. Seeing Marie, wearing nothing, except a thinly veiled, lacy negligee, Ira looked at the hot tub, esque spring, seeing the cunning, alluring smile, Marie wore when she was expecting Ira. "hello, love". Marie's greasy, teeth, stained from smoking were seen. Her breasts were clearly seen from the negligee. "hi, Marie". Ira said. she looked innocent in the pajamas she was wearing. "you look so wonderful". Marie sighed. Her deep, low feminine, smoker's voice resonated. "thank you". Ira said. "mm, I'm so glad it's finally just us". Marie stroked Ira's cheek, as she smiled. "Eddy's away at work, so this is perfect". "mmm, you look beautiful". "you always do". Marie chuckled, wearing a mischievous smile. The essence of sex, and an aged vagina, and uterus filled the steam that protruded. "um…um…so, you um…you invited me here to…to…sit, or…?". Ira began to ask. "we'll relax, we'll just, take our mind off a few things". Marie said. her deep, feminine voice seemed to comfort Ira, but also make her feel uneasy at the same time.
"mmm, I am so lucky I know you". Marie smiled, tickling Ira's cheek. "you've been such an inspiration to us all". "I'm sure you know how extraordinary you are". "I do". Ira said. "mmm, you have changed my life for the better". "you've inspired me to be the exact person I have always wanted to be". Marie said. "yeah, um…I have a question, um…did you always want to have kids?". Ira asked. "not always". Marie said. "my pregnancy was a surprise". "I do love my child, and I will consider them a blessing, although, it was my love of sex that brought this baby along". "oh". "um…were you always a therapist?". Ira asked. "I wasn't". Marie said. "I was licensed by the state, but, I didn't finish college". "oh, well…". Ira wanted to say. "I went to community college for a year before I dropped out". Marie said. "oh, and…um…". "I've been a stripper ever since". Marie said. "oh, um…well…so, you like doing bad stuff". Ira said. "I do". Marie said. "I haven't made the best decisions, but, ever since my mom ended things with her longtime boyfriend, I was pretty distilled by it". "I just rebelled, and, did what I wanted, and thought $$$$ it, I no longer care". "my mom does the same thing". "oh". Ira said. "well, you're really smart, and you have a lot of skill, so, I think you could've went far". "I was lazy". Marie said. "I enjoyed $$$ing just as much as I enjoyed getting laid". "you, though, are so strong, and beautiful, and thoughtful, you have given me so much throughout the years, words couldn't describe". "I know". Ira said. "mmm, you've given your family hope, and the desire to follow what they want to do". Marie said. "I have loved you ever since you came to us from Children's". "do you remember that?". Marie's smile grew wider, curving each and every angle with each corner.
"no". Ira said. "you just came from your foster family, you were bruised, you had a black eye, you had protrusions near your heart, you were underweight". "you couldn't walk, you couldn't lift your head, you were deprived of love". Marie said. "I was told, I was tied down to a potty chair". Ira said. "you were". Marie said. "when you came to Children's, you would get anxious sometimes, you would cry, the nurses used the brush to calm you". "yeah, they did". Ira said. "you would always smile, and laugh, you would play". "then you learned at such a quick rate". "you were such an excellent student". Marie's smile became even more unnerving, as she felt an orgasm come on. "I know". Ira said. "mmm, you are such a hard worker, so tenacious, so…in charge". Marie's voice lowered to a suggestive register. "yeah, I…I…I worked hard". Ira said. "I did it because I wasn't going to let my past define me". "I wasn't going to let something that happened a long time ago tell me who I was, and what I was capable of".
"mmm, ohhhh, so wise". Marie stuttered in short intervals, letting the orgasm through. "mmm, that's wonderful, Ira". "you are my hero". "I know". Ira said. she tried hiding the upset feeling, and the feeling of suicide, as she blinked back tears. "love". Marie's sexual register came into play. "yeah?". Ira asked. "you look dauer". Marie said. "how are you feeling?". Not even the warmth from the steam could thaw the ice cold felt by ira. "I want to kill myself". Ira said, as tears streamed down her cheeks. "it was my fault my foster father killed himself". "I'm the reason no one in my family could be happy". "I got beaten because I caused my foster father so much pain". "love'. Marie said, stroking Ira's cheek. "I couldn't save my birth parents". Ira said, crying. "I…they died because I didn't save them". "I don't have a family". "nobody loves me". "love, I understand the pain of being abused". Marie said, stroking Ira's cheek. "you think you're at fault because your foster father targeted you".
"yeah". Ira said. "my foster father didn't want any kids". "my foster father was abused when he was little, and…he…he was told that he wasn't worth anything". Ira could feel the hurt, could feel the pain of being young, having her birth parents taken away from her, and being punished, being made feel like she was worthless, simply for being a child, simply for being young. She felt the dark need to self harm creep up on her again. "mmm, so you were hurt, deeply, you were blamed, just for being there". Marie's thick, lips seemed to move, pursing as she spoke. "I was". Ira said. "now, I feel like I want to kill myself, because I couldn't help my foster father". "I was beaten, I was almost killed...". "simply because you were in his presence". Marie said. "yeah". Ira said. "sweetheart, remember, you didn't do anything wrong". Marie said. "you were abused heavily, you were deprived of love, you experienced something very traumatic". "I know". Ira said. "I forgive my foster family though". "I know they had psychological issues, and they didn't know what they were doing". "I just…I look back, and I wish I could've helped them". "I ask god to keep them safe". "mmm". Marie felt another orgasm come on, she employed her sexual register as she spoke. "that's wonderful, Ira". "you're so mature, and understanding, wise, forgiving". "you are very thoughtful, and strong as well". "most people would never think to forgive after experiencing that much pain". "I know". Ira said. "love". Marie brushed the tub water with her backhand. "mmm, I know it's been difficult for you, experiencing your birth family's death, being abused, abandoned, having to live in fear, but, you've made wonderful strides". "I know it feels as if you're completely alone". "doesn't it?". "yeah". Ira said. "I feel like there's no one there for me, and I have to do everything myself". "I have to wonder if anyone even loves me for who I truly am, because I know my family doesn't love me".
"your family does". Marie said, stroking Ira's face. "I love you very much, and I know in your moment of loneliness, when it feels like you have no one, it can be very painful, because you didn't deserve it". "you were just so young". "I was". Ira said. "you are an extraordinary young woman who has inspired me to become the woman I've always wanted to be". Marie's low, feminine, smoker voice, which was lowered to a sexual register seemed at an attempt to comfort Ira. "you have given this family more than you will ever know". "I know". Ira said. "mmmm, I will always be there to protect you". Marie smiled a cunning, mischievous smile. "I'm your guardian angel". "I know". Ira said. "sweetheart, you may have had some difficulty previously, but, you are accomplishing wonderful things". "ohhhh". Marie chuckled, keeping the orgasm down to a minimum. "ohhhh, Ira". "you are doing so well". "thank you". Ira said. she sniffled, feeling a line of tears stream down her cheek.
"Ira". Marie said in her sexual register. Ira looked up at her, responding to her voice. "very good". Marie thought, smiling another alluring, cunning smile, that smelled of cockroach reproductive organ, with her stained teeth. "sweetheart, what are you feeling?". "I feel, like, I don't have a family, and that I…I…I don't have anyone besides my birth family that loves me". "I love you". Marie said, stroking Ira's cheek. "I have loved you since the day you came home to us". "I know". Ira said. "you have inspired me in so many ways". Marie sighed. Ira felt the warm touch of Marie's hands across her face, as she breathed deeply, feeling comforted. "this morning, I saw, in my head, I was being killed, and I was afraid someone would try to hurt me". Ira said. "mmm". Marie nodded. "do you still have day tremors?". "yeah". Ira said. "I can't sleep, I can't eat sometimes, and I feel like I only have myself". "mmm". Marie said. "sweetheart, if you ever feel that way, just, call me". "I'll be there". "ok". Ira said.
"um…do you think differently of me, because It took me longer to learn things?". Ira asked. "mmm, sweetheart, you have done so well". Marie had another orgasm, sighing, as if she had a fetish over Ira. "you had difficulty at first, but you learned to swallow, you learned to talk, follow instructions, you learned to read at a professional level". "you have made us proud each, and every single day". "we are so happy to have you". "you've worked so hard". "I am happy to have you as a family member". Marie said. "I know". Ira said. "I am thankful to have you as part of our family every day". Marie said. "you are my gift". "yeah". Ira said. Marie's legs were apparent, as she wrapped them around. She had positioned those legs before so a man could get in, to press his penis against her vagina. "you are loved, and you always will be, by a family that is thankful to know you". "you are loved". Marie whispered, smiling another cunning smile. Ira was Marie's, and Marie would dote on her until the very last day.
Ira turned her head a bit, as Marie lifted Ira's chin, making clicking noises. "oh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh". "but, I…I…I…". "shhh". Ira let out a cry, as Marie stroked Ira's chin. "shhh". "shhh". "shhh". "I…I…I…". "Shhh". "shhh". Marie blew on Ira's face, as Ira let out some tears. Then, at that instant, Marie's voice became so sexual, it was as if she were having a sexual fetish, attraction toward Ira. It was hard to, if a man from the strip club were there, to stop him from sweating. "ohhh, Ira". "you are truly our inspiration". An airy orgasmic breath, and deep prowl was taken from "our". "you will continue to drive me to be a better woman". "you have made my life better". "ohhh, you are such a strong, smart, esteemed young woman". "I love you, and will always continue to be by your side, as your guardian angel". "I love you truly, my hero". Ira looked as Marie stroked her face, interacting with her, keeping her attention, just as what would happen if the older cousin was bonding with a younger, adopted baby cousin.
It was similar to the late 1990's when an older girl cousin of about 14, would come to visit her baby cousin just adopted from Russia. The older girl cousin would smile, and interact with her baby cousin. Even though her baby cousin had trouble learning, and playing, the older girl would guide her, teach her, and play with her, forming a special relationship with her that grew with time.
Ira felt the love Marie was trying to pass onto her. Ira sat, feeling Marie's brushes of her hand, as she breathed deeply, trying to calm down, trying not to have the pain rip, and tear at her. Ira let out a small noise, as the trauma overtook her, and tears streamed down her face. "Ira". Marie said, lifting her chin. "yeah?". Ira replied. "what are you feeling?". "I…I still feel like I…I'm going to get hurt". "mmmm, you know I would never let anyone hurt you". Marie said, stroking Ira's cheek. "I know". Ira said. "I'm…I'm trying". "you're doing so well". Marie said. "I know". Ira said. Marie stretched out in the hot tub water, revealing her entire body that had been addled by sex with many different men. Her uterus looked crinkled, crumpled, and smelled bad. Her stomach experienced severe sharp pains, and sickness associated with pregnancy. Ira looked down, seeing Marie's wrinkly breasts, from smoking, were now bigger. Ira looked, discovering the essence of a true sexual woman, and her body parts. Marie's wrinkly, bad smelling vagina looked wrinkly, and big, yet pasty, and shriveled as if she'd damaged her vagina through sex. Ira sat, understanding Marie. Understanding her lifestyle.
Ira understood the lifestyles of the girls who were older than her. They were explicit, yes, and these girls did make bad decisions. In essentiality, the girls cared deeply for Ira, and were cheerleaders toward her. Ira knew these girls loved her, and cared for her. These girls were proud of her for making strides towards becoming a valuable person. Ira did know she was developmentally behind, and she had trouble learning. yet these girls worked with her when she was still in Children's. These girls helped her learn to eat, swallow, read, and talk. Ira trusted them, and knew they would be there to help her, even if she was old, and running her own successful company. Ira knew she had to be there for them, for their children's births. Breathing deeply, she felt the brush of a hand, as Marie smiled. "I love you very much". Marie said. "I love you too". Ira said. she finally felt safe, knowing Marie was there.
Ira felt the steam against her, covering her, as she relaxed, breathing deeply, allowing calm to break through. For a while, she seemed to forget her past trauma, her feeling of loneliness that meant she had no one. She felt the love, support, and guidance these older girls brought toward her. She felt as if she was being comforted, consoled, and as if she had someone close to family that could show her the true meaning of being a part. "ohhh, Ira". Marie sighed, having another orgasmic, moment. "you're sooo amazing". "I'm so glad we adopted you". she brushed Ira's face, as she stretched back, brushing the water. "thank you". Ira said. "I understand I'm not perfect, and yes, I have made some mistakes, but, I still will always be there to protect you, and I'm proud of the amazing woman you've become". Marie said, kissing Ira's cheek. "I know". Ira said. "mmm, you look tired, love". Marie said, tickling Ira's cheek a bit. "kind of". Ira said. "I had a hard morning". "mmmm". "it was difficult for you". Marie said. "yeah, every time I have those flashbacks, I think I'm going to get hurt". Ira said. "I feel like I'm going to be abused again, and like I want to put an end to my life". "mmm, you feel that way because your whole life, you were hurt". Marie said. "your birth parents died, you were abused heavily, you weren't shown love". "you didn't experience family". "I know". Ira said.
"Sometimes when bad things happen to us, we experience trauma". Marie said. "I know". Ira said. "you experienced severe trauma". Marie said. "you experienced what no person should experience". "yeah". Ira said. "I didn't have a real family that taught me values, and that everyone should be treated with respect". "or that I can think outside of myself, and reach goals, and exceed my own expectations". "I never had anyone to teach me right from wrong". "I feel like my heart is being ripped out, and torn apart". "every day, I feel like I'm being killed, or being hurt simply because I wasn't doing anything wrong". "Every day of my life, I feel like I've had to completely rely on myself". Ira said. "mmm, that was difficult". Marie said. "do you feel as if you've been hurt because of your birth family's death?". "yeah". Ira said. "I didn't know my birth family that well, but, I…I…I know they loved me". "they did". Marie said. "sweetheart, your trauma has affected you in a variety of ways". "you were severely handicapped at first, you have PTSD, you had trouble reciprocating affection". "yeah". Ira said.
"how do you feel when a tremor happens?". Marie asked in her lower register, sexual voice. "I…I feel, like, I feel lightheaded, and I feel like I'm going to be attacked". "my heart feels like it's being ripped out, and I feel like I'm being hit, or I'm being stabbed". "in my mind, I hear yelling that I shouldn't have been born". "I feel my scar on my chest, as I feel like I'm being stabbed". Ira said. "I see my foster father stabbing me, or hitting me". "I feel hopeless because I don't have family to help me". "mmm". Marie nodded. "do you ever feel depressed or sad?". Marie asked, stroking Ira's cheek. "I do". Ira said. "I feel like I'm nothing sometimes". "all my life, I've wondered if I did something wrong because I was abandoned, and hurt". "I've felt like things were my fault, and that was why my foster father killed himself". "everything I do, everything I try, is just another failure". "I believe it was my fault my foster father killed himself". "it was my fault my birth family died". "all my life, I feel like I'm not good enough, and like I wasn't meant to be on Earth". "I didn't do anything wrong". "I do my best, I learn my words, and numbers, I learn, I talk, I swallow, I behave like a normal person, and still, everyone makes me feel like I've failed just by existing". Ira said.
"sweetheart". Marie said, as tears streamed down Ira's face, and Ira let out a loud cry. "you did nothing wrong". "nothing was your fault". "you did have some difficulty when you were first brought home from the children's hospital". "you have learned, although". "you have thrived, and excelled above and beyond all of us". "I know, but, that was all because of hard work". Ira said. "I had to believe in myself". "I know I don't have a high IQ, and things don't come naturally to me". "I have to learn everything on my own". "mmm, that's fine". Marie said. Her voice sounded similar to a seductive voice on the answering machine. "it's not your fault you've had some developmental delays". "you were neglected, abused, you were deprived of love". "I was". Ira said. "although, you have worked very hard". "I'm so proud of you, and I've been proud of you ever since the day I first met you". Marie said. "I know". Ira said. "mmm, Ira". Marie took Ira's hands in hers upon saying this. "in your life, you have experienced, and will experience many trials and tribulations". "remember, the lord will always be beside you through all of it". "the Lord will protect you, and give you the strength to overcome any adversities". "I know". Ira said. "I pray every night, and I know that the lord is always there". "I got canonized". "you did, because you are miraculous". Marie smiled.
"remember I will always be beside you through all of it as well". Marie said. "I know". Ira said. "you've inspired me in many ways, and I will be there to help you through your struggles". "thank you". Ira said. "If you ever feel as if you're depressed, or you're having a tremor, know that I am only a phone call away". Marie said. "um…um…if I have tremors, or something, then, I can call you?". Ira asked. "yes". Marie said. "just breathe, and know I am always with you". "you will carry a piece of me with you wherever you go". "I know". Ira said. "mmm". Marie could feel the fetus within her beginning to trigger a sick feeling. "mmm, this baby is giving me pain". "oh, um…when is it supposed to come?". Ira asked. "I'm not sure". "perhaps shortly". Marie said. Now, in the low, moist light, and dry air, Marie's large breast nipple was shown. Marie chuckled, taking fancy in this irresponsibility. "so, mmm, how've you been doing in school?". Marie asked. "I'm doing ok". Ira said. "I'm on the council for Phi Theta Kappa". "that's wonderful". Marie said, smiling. "you've been doing well in school". "How was the Nobel Prize ceremony?". "it was good". Ira said. "I got to eat caviar, and rice with ginger sauce on it".
"that's excellent". Marie said. "You were always such a kind person who has wonderful leadership skills". "I try helping others be a good person because…I know people aren't evil". "everyone is good at heart, they just need to try". Ira said. "I don't always have to succeed, but I try". "if I try, I'm successful". "you have succeeded". Marie said. "mmm, if you're opposed to this, it's quite alright, but, I was thinking, maybe you should start emotional support therapy". "why?". Ira asked. "mmm, so you could work through your trauma". Marie smiled. "you could get treatment for night tremors, and PTSD". "yeah, but, I don't need anything". Anna said. "I'm fine". "well, it would be helpful for working on trust, reciprocating affection, love". Marie said. "I don't want therapy". "I'm fine". Ira said. Marie stroked Ira's cheek, as Ira looked down at her pajamas. "I'd be your therapist". Marie said, softly. "we'll work in my house". "I'll help you with grief, getting past sadness, love, and positivity". "I…I…I don't need therapy". Ira said. "I'm used to doing everything on my own". "it would benefit you". Marie said, gently, yet enthusiastically, convincingly. "it would benefit us". "we should do it". "I don't know". Ira said. "I kind of, I'm not used to anyone caring about me to help me". "I've been on my own for as long as I can remember".
"I want to do it on my own". Ira said. "It's ok to feel that way". "Just remember, you have a family who cares deeply about you". "you have a family who loves you". Marie said gently, yet with a poise that kept convincing Ira, even cutting her off at times. "you have a guardian angel, who loves you". "I…I…I…". Ira tried to speak. Marie's voice became a gentle low hum, that coupled with a whisper. "your entire life, you've been very self reliant, and you've had to go through it alone". "being independent, has been a constant in your life". "yeah". Ira said. "when you first came to Children's, and I worked with you, I knew we had a special bond". "I made you, and god a promise that I would protect you, and give you the love you deserve". Marie smiled. "I know". Ira said. "I'm here with you, and I will help you". Marie said, smiling. She was sure to keep it simple for Ira to understand, knowing Ira still had an intellectual disability. "I love you". Marie smiled. "it'll be good for both of us". "let's try it". "but…I…I…". "we'll also get you new pajamas, and new bedsheets". "I…I…I don't want new ones". Ira said. "it'll be good for you". Marie smiled. "you'll be more comfortable". "can I please have pink bedsheets?". Ira asked. "we'll get you silk bedsheets". Marie said. "they'll feel more comforting for you". "they will?". Ira asked. "they will". Marie said, stroking Ira. "Are you willing to try therapy?". Marie said, in a low hum, similar to a whisper. "It'll be just us". "no one else". "I guess". Ira said. Marie stretched out, as she felt a bubble sneak into her wrinkly, soiled, impure vagina. "mmmm". She felt the sting of pain overtaking her vagina, as she felt another bubble sneak in.
Ira looked down, seeing Marie's breasts, how wrinkly, how crested they were. She sat, seeing the age, seeing the impurity a life of drugs and sex had on Marie. Marie wasn't perfect, that was for certain, although Marie did work with her, and was her second advocate when she was at Children's. Ira did trust Marie, and knew Marie would be there for her. Ira sat, feeling her heart beginning to calm, as she no longer felt the stinging, burning pain. She sat breathing normally, up and down, as now, as of now, she didn't feel any pain. She didn't feel the need to scream, or cry. She didn't feel as if she needed to shake. She sat, finally feeling as if she didn't need to be in survival mode. Her eyes still looked like a coda, coda as she sat, feeling the hurt creep up on her again, and her body become cold, and numb, sweaty, as if she were afraid of killing herself, or being killed, and had to leave her family, and her life, her soul, behind for reincarnation, or for defeat, knowing the demons that had scarred her, bit her, sucked the life out of her, won. Survival mode came back. Ira let out a cry, as tears came down her cheek.
"love". Marie said, stroking Ira's cheek. "yeah?". Ira asked, still glowering with a 10 year old young girl innocence aligned with her intellectual disability. "are you feeling ok?". "no". Ira said. "tell me". Marie said, stroking Ira's cheek. "I feel like I'm going to get hurt". "I'm going to get hurt". "it'll be fine, sweetie". Marie smiled. "let's breathe". She then guided Ira, as Ira breathed heavily. "very good". she said, as Ira followed instructions. Ira sat, as Marie brushed her face softly, to help her overcome her fear. Ira continued breathing heavily, trying to calm herself down. "um… Marie". Ira said. "yes, love". Marie said, continuing to stroke Ira. "Do you think being pregnant is going to be hard?". "It will be, but I'm going to enjoy every second of it". Marie said. "I have the opportunity to do something very rewarding, even if I have to give up fun". "oh, ok". Ira said. "I love sex, I do, and it's fun, but, I can't wait to start my own family". Marie said. "that's good". Ira said. "I'm so glad you were able to accept me as a close friend, even after seeing how pathetic I've been". Marie said. "I know". Ira said. "thank you for helping me". "sweetheart, I will always be beside you". Marie said. "I've loved you, and I will continue to love you forever". "I know". Ira said. "so, you still think I'm smart, and successful even if I don't have a high IQ?". Ira asked. "I've always known you to have a gift". Marie said. "that gift is the natural ability to change people's lives, and be a hero to everyone".
"I know". Ira said. "you are an amazing woman". Marie said, kissing Ira's cheek. "yeah". Ira said, accepting the kiss. Marie blew out a puff of smoke from her cigarette. Ira sat, now feeling truly calm in the presence of Marie. Ira sat, as Marie laid back, feeling the newfound tired feeling pregnancy brought her. "mmm, you're amazing". Marie sighed. Scandalous airs were amid them, as the feeling of leopard print, high heels, a tube top, and jeans, and a soiled uterus, clicked, looking for someone to have sex with. Scandalous whispers, and a mischievous grin were sought, as along painted fingernail brushed Ira's face, while she sat in her pajamas playing with her teddy bear. "she is wonderful isn't she?". "she is". Another scandalous whisper said, as Ira looked up at them with a puzzled look on her face.
Ira sat, feeling calmer as Marie brushed her face. "I love you". Marie sighed, feeling the stretch of pregnancy. Ira sat, feeling calmed for now.
Ira woke up, seeing Marie brush her face. "I have to go". "I promised Kuki I would be back in time for dinner". Ira said. "you're welcome to have dinner with me". Marie said, leaning back. "no, I think I want to go home". Ira said, feeling a feeling of silence. It was the feeling she kept to herself, as she sat, feeling the internal struggles, the inner demons that stung, and bit, leaving her in pain. "come have dinner with me". Marie said, stroking Ira's cheeks. "I don't think it's a good idea". Ira said. "we'll have whatever you want for dinner". Marie said, convincing Ira at this point. "no, I can't". Ira said, "please stop asking". "shhh". Marie comforted. "come have dinner with me". "I don't want to". Ira said. "it'll be good". Marie said. "try it". "I don't want to". Ira said, as her voice rose with concern. "shhh". "shhh, it's ok". Marie comforted. "we'll have dinner, we'll sit out on the porch". "are you ready?". "but… I…I…". "shhh". Marie comforted. "just try it". "you'll like it". Ira nodded, as Marie felt lightheaded, and queasy. Perhaps it was the steam, and the 106 degree water, perhaps it was pregnancy. Either way, Marie was ready to leave the spa.
Ira walked out, in her pajamas, looking around. She felt her eyelids get heavy as another tired feeling came over her. she felt comforted although, knowing someone like Marie was at least there for her. She didn't need anyone to protect her. Though it was nice knowing someone was at least there. Ira then felt this bout of depression, and deep sadness creep into her heart. Just the fact that she was hurt made her vulnerable. The fact that she had a disability made her seem younger than she wanted to be. What if Kuki and Marie cared about her because they had to? What if they only "loved" her because she was just another one of their special needs kids they helped? Ira felt this feeling of being pale, of being similar to a young girl, innocent, handicapped, and incapable. No matter how successful she was, she would always be someone who needed help. She would always be someone with an intellectual disability. Ira felt weak at this point. While she wanted to be a strong woman, while she wanted to succeed, she felt the underlying demonic presence of abuse, and death, abandonment, sucking at her like a parasite. Ira felt small, innocent, weak, and as if she was broken. Broken by the bitter scorns of abuse, and neglect. Broken by a torn man, who every day felt like ripping out his beating heart, because Satan had abused him, corrupted him.
At least Ira was able to drive, and go to college. At least she was able to eat. This was all due to hard work, though. Deep down, Ira was innocent, vulnerable, and handicapped. Feeling the dark reality creep up on her, feeling the hurt from being abused, and experiencing the death of her birth parents, Ira felt her heart contracting, as her palms became light, and sweaty. She her heart getting tighter as a weight of a thousand tons came over her. Beginning to regress, she started bobbing about, languidly, much like a mentally retarded individual would. She simply did look handicapped, broken, injured, much like a severely abused child would. She looked as if she would be timid, just as someone beaten severely would.
Ira felt her heart get tighter, as it seemed to get looser, at this rate, Ira didn't even feel it, even though she felt the nerve, tickly feeling of a blood vessel. Her heart was being ripped. Or it felt like it was being ripped. It felt like there was a demonic parasite sucking, sucking, and continuing to suck at her soul, her life until there was nothing left. It was like a giant bug on the ceiling sucking, sucking, and sucking with its proboscis until Ira was bone dry. It was like a vicious demonic leech creature that hissed, hunting with its sharp fangs until it found a victim. Ira sat, feeling the pain as a tired feeling came over her. She sat in silence, as she drove home alone. It perhaps wasn't a good time to see Marie. It wasn't a good time to talk either. Pulling into the driveway, she put her car in park, getting out, going in the house.
Nalana sat eating some Nesbit cookies, as she played with her light up dolphin. "b aba". She reached her hand up, saying hi to Ira. "hi". Ira said, quietly, putting her purse to the side. Her eyes were still coda coda, as they were off to the side. Ira looked down at Nalana, seeing she had some of her cookies. "please don't eat too many of them". Ira said. "we have to watch your heart". Nalana kept playing, eating one cookie at a time. Ira sniffled, feeling the hurt corrode her, as she tried to keep from crying. Going into her room, she looked at the snow globe her nurse gave her when she was in Children's. Ira knew she had never received a gift such as that, from anyone before. She could've if her birth parents survived, but, her foster family never gave her anything. Ira set her snow globe down, sitting on her bed. the hurt crowded her, filling her heart. She began crying, as tears streamed down her cheek. Feeling sobs come on, she felt her heart beating through her chest, as she cried loudly. Her face was now red, as she screamed at this point. She didn't know what to do. Would she cut her chest again? would she try holding herself down? still crying, she screamed again, as she sat on her bed. she felt the sobs get even worse. Her depression was now corroding her entire body like a thick oil, that made it brittle, and break.
Her depression was the black hole sun swallowing up her soul, attacking her heart. Footsteps were heard in the hall as Kuki came into her room. "Ira, baby". Kuki said gently. Ira's cry became even louder, as she felt her body become cold, shaking. Now, she wanted to harm her chest with the knife. "Ira". Kuki said, soothingly. "yeah?". Ira sobbed. "shhh, are you ok?". Kuki rubbed Ira's hands. "I don't think right now is the time to talk". Ira said. She got up, making an advance to where the knives were in the kitchen. "let's sit down". Kuki gently redirected, setting Ira back down in her room. "please". Ira said. "I have to do this". "no". Kuki said, gently, yet firmly. Kuki knew her intent was to harm herself. "it's ok, Ira". Kuki said, stroking her face. "tell me what the problem is". Kuki sounded a tint of firm in her voice. She was firm with Ira about harming herself, as was she with her students in school.
"I…I…I feel like, I'm a failure". "I feel like no matter what I do, I'm always going to end up hurt". "I was hurt". "I got hurt". Ira said. "I got hurt". "and I feel like It was my fault my parents died". "it was my fault my foster father killed himself". "I get hurt, even when I'm doing nothing wrong". Ira said. "I'm trying my best". "I'm trying, I really am". "I'm not good enough". Kuki looked at Ira, seeing the genuine sadness in her eyes. She saw the defeat, the sorrow, and the hurt, much like a Haulocaust survivor showing someone the scars they had gotten from a demonic force second in command to Satan. "It's ok". Kuki said gently, as Ira continued crying. Kuki put a hand over Ira's chest, checking her heart.
"it's ok". Kuki whispered, in a gentle hum, as Ira remained silent, this time tears streamed down her face. "did you have a bad time with Marie?". Kuki said, gently. "no". Ira said. "I just feel the hurt from my parents' death, and from being abused". "I can't control it sometimes, it just comes". Ira said. "I know though, that I am who I am". "I tried, though". "I try every day". "I do things every day for everyone, and I still fail". "I am who I am". Ira said, feeling the sadness corrode her heart. "I am who I am". This phrase spoke volumes, as Ira's depression sank into her chest, covering it. "I'm trying my best". Ira said. "do you feel pain from being traumatized?". Kuki asked, gently. "yeah, and, I…I know I'm not the smartest, but, I'm trying". Ira said. "I deserve to get hurt". "it was my fault my foster father died". "he beat me because It was my fault". Kuki stroked Ira's face, knowing some of the trauma, some of the unknown, yet felt, hurt was resurfacing. This happened with Ira every once in a while, depression, and thoughts of self harm associated with her trauma. Though Ira had improved to a high functioning level, Kuki still looked out for her.
"Ira". Kuki said gently. "nothing was your fault". "your foster father made it seem that way because you were abused". "you were deprived". "yeah, but…I just, I just…". Ira began to say. "you are our amazing, wonderful young woman". "I love you so much, and I'm so glad I worked with you, and saw the hero you turned out to be". Kuki held Ira's hands. "I know you feel as if you're on your own, but, you have someone who loves you very much". "I know". Ira said. "I'm not perfect, and I have made my mistakes, but you, you are my greatest gift". Kuki said. "I know". Ira said. "Wally and I are here for you". Kuki said. "I know". Ira replied. Kuki hugged Ira, kissing her on the cheek. Ira still shook, as Kuki hugged her, stroking her forehead. "you'll be ok". Kuki said, softly. Ira sat, vomiting, as spit came up from her mouth. Kuki took a Kleenex from her shirt pocket, wiping it up. Ira began crying again, as Kuki stroked her forehead. "it's ok". Kuki said gently. "do you need to lay down?". Ira still cried, vomiting, as Kuki wiped her face. Ira turned her head, gagging as she lowered it, the same way a severely handicapped 19 year old would. "shhhh". Kuki stroked Ira's face. "shhh". Ira cried, as her face turned red. Her depression was mounting as it held her down, feeling like a weight over her shoulders.
"I love you". Kuki said, kissing Ira's cheek. "no". Ira sobbed. "shhh, I lo-ove you". "I lo-ove you". Kuki sang in a soft hum. Ira sobbed, as her face became an even brighter red. "shhh, it'll be ok". Kuki said. Ira then began scratching herself with her nail, jabbing at her arm. Using her strength, she tried getting out of bed to search for the knife to jab at her chest. She scratched even harder, jeering at her arm, looking for it to be bloody. Kuki held her down with her leg. Sobbing, Ira continued pushing Kuki off of her bed, jeering at her chest. "shh". "it's ok". "it's ok". Kuki said, taking Ira in her arms. "I'm here". "I'm here". Kuki said, holding Ira. Ira still cried loudly, screaming, as Kuki hugged her in her arms. "you'll be ok". "it's ok". Ira screamed again, as Kuki stroked her face. "I love you". Kuki sang, in a soft hum. "I lo-ove you". Ira still cried loudly, trying to use her strength to get out of Kuki's arms, and stab her own chest. "shhh". "it's ok". Kuki said, holding Ira. "shhh". "shhh". "shhh". "shhh". Ira cried loudly, depressed now, as she felt the pain tighten her chest. The pain ripped, and tore at her, jabbing and jeering with each stab. Ira felt as if she was being hurt. Ira screamed again, as Kuki brushed her face. "I love you very much". Kuki said softly. Ira breathed heavily, coughing as she did so. "everything's ok now". Kuki assured, as Ira still sobbed. "No one will hurt you". Ira sat, sobbing, as she wanted to continue scratching her arm. "I won't let anything hurt you". Kuki said, kissing Ira's forehead. "I love you more than anything else". Ira sobbed, loudly. Kuki helped Ira lay down in her bed, as Ira screamed loudly. "I lo-ove you". Kuki sang. "I lo-ove you".
Laying beside her, Kuki blew on Ira's face, comforting her. "it's ok". Kuki said, gently. Ira still sobbed, screaming loudly, an alarmed scream, as she shook. It was a scream that was supposed to alert everyone that she was being harmed. "shhh". Kuki comforted. "shhh". "shhh". "let's lay down, ok". Ira laid down, crying loudly. "I know, baby". Kuki said, gently. "I know". "you'll be ok". "I'm here to protect you". Kuki brushed Ira's face. "you are my shining star". "Wherever you are, I will find you". "we'll be together in heaven again". Kuki sang Ira the song she used to sing to her in Children's to calm her whenever she felt trauma. Whenever Ira went to Budapest for a Nobel Prize conference, she often sang the song to calm herself whenever she felt a tremor. Ira also would rock back and forth.
"I lo-ove you". "yeah, yeah". "Now and forever". "I lo-ove you". Kuki sang. Ira still cried, sobbing. "I lo-ove you". "I lo-ove you". "Now and forever".
Kuki sang, hoping to calm Ira down. Ira still cried heavily, as Kuki picked her up, taking her outside in the hall. "I remember when you were at Children's, and I would hold you like this sometimes". Kuki said, gently. "oh". Ira said, tiredly. She was exhausted after experiencing a tremor. "you would have PTSD, and I would hold you, and rock you, cuddle you until you would sleep". Kuki said. "then you would wake up, and ask for milk". "ok". Ira said, tears still rolled down her cheeks, as her face looked pale. Kuki whispered to Ira, as Ira still sobbed, shaking. "you may've heard it many times, but, I am thankful to have you". Kuki said, softly. "Because of you, I got my life together and decided to help disadvantaged kids". "You're the reason, I was able to wise up, and make better decisions about my life". "although I still love doing explicit things". "you've given me so much throughout my life". "thanking you simply isn't enough". Ira still cried, looking tired now, as her sadness toward having a tremor mounted. She no longer felt in danger, or about to be harmed. She felt sad. "I'm sorry". Ira cried. "I'm sorry". "I'm sorry". Her crying grew louder at that second. "there's nothing to be sorry about". Kuki said gently. "you didn't do anything wrong". "I…I…". "it's ok, now". Kuki said, taking Ira in the kitchen.
Ira looked tired as she yawned. "you are my best hope". Kuki said gently. "I need you, just as I'm sure you know everyone needs you". "we love you more than you will know". Ira, with tears still streaming down her cheeks, looked on. "I love how you have always worked to better yourself". Kuki said. "I wish I had that kind of dedication, and spirit". "I'm trying". Ira said. "you're doing an incredible job". Kuki said. "I am here to help you, with whatever you need". Ira nodded, feeling her breathing slow down, as her heart rate calmed. She still felt depressed, but could now embellish in the thought that Kuki was having a baby. Sure, it was a result of too much sex, but it was nice knowing Ira could help Kuki throughout this process. "Are you ok?". Kuki asked, brushing a strand of hair from Ira's face. "kind of". Ira said. "I'm trying, I'm doing my best". "you're doing a magnificent job". Kuki said. Kuki then carried Ira over to the refrigerator. "do you want something to drink, or something to eat?". "would you like some milk?", Kuki asked. "no, I'm ok". Ira said, turning her head a bit. "let's have some milk". Kuki insisted, getting the carton from the fridge. Ira sat in Kuki's arms, feeling a bit calmer than she had previously. The depression still loomed over top of her, corroding her, although she felt ok knowing Kuki was at least there for her. Kuki brought Ira to the porch, as Wally sat outside, smoking his vape pen.
"ey mate". Wally said, gently, in his thick Australian accent. "what happened?". "you don't usually get upset". "I…I started feeling like I was going to get hurt". Ira said. "I felt like it was my fault that my foster father got upset". "I keep having tremors". "it's alright, girlie". Wally said. "when bad things happen, and there's a level of trauma, usually PTSD comes along". "you've done a great job trying to control it". "yeah". "I'm doing my best". Ira said. "you've been doing so well". "we are always so proud of you". Wally said. "she is great, isn't she?". "I remember working with her when she was very young, and knowing just how amazing she was". Kuki smiled, stroking Ira's face, as Ira drank her milk. "we are so proud of you, knowing how great you've done through it all". Wally said. "I know". Ira said. "I'm trying my hardest". "I know I'm not the smartest, or the strongest, but, I'm doing my best". "I can't change the past".
"You're certainly better than us". Wally said, blowing out more smoke. "we're very proud of the strides you made". "I know". Ira said. Kuki brushed Ira's face, as Ira sat overcoming her trauma. "so, um, did you I guess, do all of that bad stuff because you wanted to?". "we've always loved one another". Kuki said, putting her leg up on the porch table. "we just love having sex, and we figured nothing would happen". "oh". Ira said. "we are committed to one another, and we will get married as soon as we can". Kuki said. "oh ok". Ira said. "we also did it to piss off your parents". Wally said. "yes, that as well". Kuki said, pursing her lips. "um…were you ever rebellious when you were younger?". Ira asked. "not a lot, no". Kuki said. "I believed rules, and conformity brought out the best in someone, although as I got older, I realized thinking for oneself, and having own ideas were the best". "oh, is that why you decided to become a teacher?". Ira asked. "I realized there are individuals that need guidance, and need someone to better life for them". Kuki said. "I became a teacher to help these individuals reach their full potential". "oh". Ira said. "I have always loved my parents". Kuki said. "even if there are certain things we disagree on, I do love them". "that's good". Ira said. Smoke billowed from Wally's vape pen, as he sat back, putting his feet up.
"how's your V feel?". Wally muttered, blowing out more smoke. "it feels tight". Kuki said. "there's something like pushing up against it until it $$$$in pops". "my D feels nasty". "I haven't ejaculated on anyone yet". Wally said. "that's pretty bad". Kuki muttered back. They both sat, tiredly, putting their feet up. Ira felt her upset feelings melt away, as she sat, letting the calm break through. "ira". Kuki said gently, as Ira turned her head from looking over the balcony. "yeah?". Ira asked, putting her hands down. she looked as if she were standing up, wanting to put her hands out, and climb over the balcony. " "Would you like some more milk?". "or some instant noodles?". "you can have whatever you'd like that's in there". Kuki said. "I'm ok for now". Ira said. "only if you're sure". Kuki said. "yeah". Ira replied. "are you feeling better?". Kuki asked, brushing Ira's face. "kind of". Ira replied. "I just…I'm trying". "I can't help my tremors". "they just happen". "hmm, well it's ok". Kuki said. "you've been working through them very well". "you ask for help when you feel one coming on, you know how to cope with one, if it's there". "I'm so proud of how you've handled them". "I know". Ira said. "I'm just…I'm doing my best". "you are, and you're doing so well". Kuki assured, gently. "I know". Ira said. Although, as Ira looked down at Kuki's stomach, it seemed to be getting bigger. Kuki really was pregnant. "I…I take a deep breath, and try to count when I feel one coming on". Ira said. "you do". Kuki replied. "you've been taking it one step at a time". "I am". Ira said. "I know that if I have a problem, or my trauma is too much, I can always ask someone for help". "sometimes, I don't because I'm afraid whoever's closest by, will hurt me".
"No one will hurt you". Kuki assured. "you've left the traumatic part behind, and are looking to the future". "I know". Ira said. "it's just hard for me to go through it all alone". "I feel like I am sometimes". "Just know you're not alone". Kuki said, gently. "we love you, and we are ready to help you with whatever you need". "I know". Ira said. "I've loved you ever since you came to me". Kuki said, stroking Ira's cheek. "I know". Ira said. "you are truly spectacular". Kuki gently brushed Ira's face. "I'm here for you, always". "I know". Ira said, looking downwards. Kuki hugged Ira, the way a girl would toward her BFF, kissing her cheek. Ira sat, feeling much more relaxed, as she drank the last of her milk. Nalana came outside, holding her sippy cup, crawling into Kuki's lap. "ku-ki". "ku ki". Nalana said, sitting in Kuki's lap. "hi, baby". Kuki smiled, patting Nalana's back. "ju". "ju". Nalana pointed. "yes, this is all the juice you get". Kuki reminded kindly. "we have to keep your heart healthy". Nalana giggled, holding her sippy cup close to her. "yes, we do". "yes, we do". Kuki giggled along with her. "where's Ivanov?". Ira asked, a bit concerned. "he's just sleeping". Kuki said. "oh, ok". Ira replied. "so, did you talk with your sister recently?". Wally asked. "not especially". Kuki replied. "she's in Cabo with someone". "mmm". "your parents are coming with us to the ultrasound tomorrow?". Wally asked.
"we have the ultrasound tomorrow?". Ira asked. "yes". Kuki said. "Tomorrow, we'll learn the gender of the baby, and hear its heartbeat". "b aba". Nalana pointed at Kuki's stomach. "yes, there is a baby in there". Kuki said, lifting up her shirt to reveal a midsized stomach, that looked as if she was full from eating. Nalana came over putting a hand on Kuki's stomach. "ba ba". Nalana pointed. "b aba". "yep, the baby". Kuki said, as Nalana laid her head against Kuki's stomach, hugging. "are you giving baby a hug?". Kuki asked, stroking Nalana's head. "yes". Nalana said, giggling. "they like that very much". Kuki said. "Thank you". "ku-ki". "ku ki". Nalana said, putting her hand up. "yep, it's my baby". Kuki smiled. Wally took out his phone, getting a picture of Nalana hugging the baby bump. "ye so sweet, mate". He said, as Nalana hugged the baby bump, giggling as she did. "b aba". "b aba". She pointed. "yep, somethin's cookin in there". "somethin' I made". Wally grinned. Ira sat, understanding the chemistry, and love between Wally and Kuki. Ira knew they had sinned, greatly, and loved the physical, bodily pleasures even more than any spiritual pleasure. Ira understood, and now Kuki and Wally were about to have a baby. It was their greatest joy, and their greatest accomplishment.
Nalana ran over to Wally, crawling up in his lap, giggling. "I don't know if ye heard mate". "But Mr. Tickles has returned". Wally said. Nalana giggled, as Wally tickled her stomach. "oh, gorsh". "Mr. Tickles is here, oo up!". He did a goofy type accent. Nalana continued giggling, as Wally tickled her stomach. As they sat, having fun, Kuki thought about the once cute boy in the KND she dated throughout high school. Yes, they weren't married, yes they had made their mistakes, although they did love one another, and were committed. Wally was perfect in every single way. Kuki knew he would be there to love, nurture, and support her new growing family as much as anyone would. Now, they were starting a family. Their family would continue to nurture everyone.
"he is perfect, isn't he?". Kuki swooned, telling Ira. "yeah, he's really nice". Ira said. "he's really understanding too". "He knows that I…well, everybody, came from a rough background, and he tries helping us, and showing us what it means to have a family". "Yes, although it came with respect for my engagement". Kuki said. "but, he has been understanding". He was very excited when we first got the kids from Russia". "that's good". Ira said. "um…so, are the kids part of your family, then?". Kuki leaned back in her porch chair, feeling the heavy burden her full uterus was placing on her. "mmm, we're fostering them". She said. "oh, that's good". Ira said. "I guess, maybe one day, they'll have you as a family". "perhaps". Kuki said. "we first have to become a legal couple, and file them as dependents on our medical insurance". "that's good". Ira said. "mmmm". Kuki stretched backwards, putting her legs out. "my uterus is killing me". "It feels so tight". Ira sat watching, understanding, as Kuki began bending her legs. "is the uterus where the baby is?". Ira asked.
"it is". Kuki said. "just above the vagina". "oh". Ira said. "does your uterus hurt when you're on your period?". Ira asked. "It used to". Kuki said. "not so much anymore, being that I haven't had my period in a while". "oh, ok". Ira said. "my uterus hurts because I have my period". "hmmm". Kuki said, leaning backward. "mine used to hurt all the time". "sometimes, not even Tylenol would work". Nalana came over, sitting by Kuki. "b aba". "b aba". Nalana pointed. "yep, there's baby". Kuki said, leaning back in her chair. Kuki wanted a joint, or a drink, or a vape. Although, she couldn't have either of those. She was pregnant, meaning she had to slow down, and ultimately stop, the drinking, smoking, and having a good time. Kuki sat, stroking Ira's forehead. "Are you ok?". "Do you need some more milk to drink?". "no". Ira said, as tears still rolled down her cheeks. "mmm, let's get some more milk". Kuki said, as she went in, getting milk from the milk carton.
Ira sat, trying to calm herself, trying to make sense of what was happening, as Nalana came over, hugging her. "thanks, Nalana". Ira said, as Nalana gave Ira a kiss. "ba da". "ba da". She pointed. "yeah, I guess". Ira said, as her eyes still looked like a coda, coda. "here baby, let's drink some milk". Kuki said, handing Ira a glass. "thank you". Ira said, drinking her milk. "she is the best, isn't she?". Wally said. "she is". Kuki said, stroking Ira's head. "so what time are we meeting Tweedle Dick, and Tweedle Pussy?". Wally asked, blowing smoke from his vape pen. Nalana already went in the house at this point. "mmm, at 10:30". Kuki muttered back. "I'll get the kids ready at 9". "I can get them ready". Ira said. "no, sweetie, it's ok". "I've got it". Kuki said. "thank you for all of your help". "yeah, I guess". Ira said. "mm, my parents love Ira more than they love me". Kuki said. Wally chuckled at this. "It's $$$$ed up". Kuki said. "but, it's cool". "I love Ira more than I love you". "you love Ira, more than you love me". Wally said, walking through it a bit. "geez, that's barren". "Ira's a hundred times better than we'll ever be". "she's not out sucking balls, or dick". Kuki muttered. "she doesn't even know what those are". Wally muttered back. "what are balls?". Ira asked. "see, my point, exactly". Wally said.
"those are little things inside the reproductive organs". Kuki said. "oh". Ira said. "they're mainly below the testicles in a man". Kuki said. "oh, ok". Ira said. "I heard Mushi likes balls?". Ira asked. "mmm, she's a wench". Kuki said. "she likes anything". The three of them sat outside, smoke billowing in the air, as Wally puffed more smoke from his vape pen. "did I tell you today how much I love you?". he said to Ira. "yeah, kind of". Ira said. "you're the best thing that's happened to our family". Wally said. "if you'd like to stay with us, or need a place to escape, we're here for you". "never hesitate". "I know". Ira said.
"mmm, you are the best thing that's happened to us". Kuki said, brushing Ira's cheek. "I love you". "I know". Ira said. "mmm, remember when you were at Children's and I used to tickle your cheek at night?". Kuki smiled. "yeah, kind of". Ira said. "mmm, you loved having your cheek tickled". Kuki said. "you loved when I gave you goodnight kisses". "I know". Ira said. Kuki hugged Ira, as Ira sat, accepting the hug. "do you need goodnight moon, medicine?". Kuki asked, holding Ira close. "no". Ira said. "what is Goodnight Moon medicine?". "melatonin". Kuki smiled. "no". Ira said, struggling a bit. She just wanted an adult, explicit conversation she could be a part of, and be mature. No way that was happening. "I love you, baby". "I love you". Kuki smiled, giggling, as she kissed Ira's cheek all over. "love you more". 'love you more". Kuki giggled. Ira turned her head, as Kuki held her close. Ira let out a cry, as Kuki kissed her.
"I think my best friend is tired". Kuki said. "I think it's time for her to go to bed for now". "no". Ira said. "let's go to bed'. Kuki said gently. "we're going in, too". "ok". Ira said, as Kuki stroked her cheek, kissing it, all over. "I love you". Kuki smiled. "I'll see you in the morning, ok". "we'll see my parents, and perhaps Mushi in the morning". Kuki said. Ira doubled back upon hearing this. Mushi would be there. Sexually active, girly, yet strong and fierce as an independent woman, Mushi. Ira sat, thinking just how she could get out of this. When Mushi saw her, Mushi always tried to get Ira to hang out with her, in one way or another. Not only that, but she was even worse than Kuki with being insisting. Quick! Quick! When was her next meeting? When was the honors council meeting again? Ira couldn't think of anything that was tomorrow. That was the worst part.
"ok". Ira simply said. She wanted to find something to do. She wanted to go see her true, adoptive family. She wanted to be with her baby sister, Kao. Although, she knew it was wrong to abandon her friend, Kuki, on her special day. Ira sat, drinking her milk. "are you ready to go to bed?". Kuki asked, gently. "yeah". Ira said, as Kuki took her in the house. "ju ju". Nalana pointed. "nope". "no more juice". Kuki said. "it's time for bed now". "are you ready?". Nalana raised her arms, wanting to be picked up. "Wally's right there". Kuki said. "here, I'll get you, mate". Wally said, picking Nalana up. They all went in the house, Ira getting in her bed, as Kuki tucked Nalana in. everything was square, and settled, for tomorrow.