Waking hurt more than anything else she had ever endured. Maryn blinked and gasped as every muscle in her body ached, her head pounding with a migraine so fierce she was sure she was about to faint once more. Black dots danced across her vision and she swallowed heavily, fighting the roll of her stomach.
Something wet and cold pressed to her hand, the rasp of Fenrir's slightly rough nose over her skin made her aware of how sensitive every inch of her flesh was. It was as if she were ill and her body couldn't stand the touch of anything; even the silk and soft cotton of her clothing felt coarse against her hypersensitive skin.
With a pain-filled groan, she rolled to her stomach, getting her hands under her to push up to her knees. However, her body had other ideas. He stomach roiled within her and the hot bitterness of bile climbing her throat made her retch and cough.
Breathing hard she pressed her forehead to the cave's packed dirt floor and clenched her jaw closed, refusing to let the sickness take over. After a few moments of deep breathing, she tried once more to push to her knees.
Eyes closed, she managed to get upright and reached out blindly for Fenrir. When her hand made contact with his thick fur, she ignored the uncomfortable rasp of pain and twisted her fingers shakily into his pelt.
The enormous animal stood and moved closer, allowing Maryn to lean against him and curl into his chest as her body started to shake with cold.
Everything hurt; moving, breathing, even thinking. Maryn realised that because her body wasn't used to the magic she had lived with all her life coursing through every fibre of her being, it felt as if she was being slowly burnt from the inside out. Her flesh was screaming out in pain but she would endure it if it meant she could have her power back. Magic was a part of her and, even if she found Loki was truly dead, she knew that she would survive if it meant that magic was hers again.
Dragging herself to her feet was arduous and took longer than she thought. Fenrir helped her by taking almost all of her weight, but he couldn't lift her to her feet, she had to struggle to stand. Once she stood at his side, she retched again, her head spinning, and the convulsions as she was violently ill, bringing tears to her eyes and making her shake with the force of them. Whimpering slightly and squeezing her eyes shut as she curled into her wolf's side afterward, Maryn fought back tears, the need to have someone comfort her almost as overwhelming as the pain and sickness she was enduring. With sudden clarity, she knew she needed rest; real rest in her own bed.
Slowly, and with as much help as Fenrir could give her, she dragged herself over his back, swinging her leg over so she was seated behind his shoulders slumped against the back of his neck.
"Take me back," she managed to croak out the command with the last of her strength, and the black wolf stood to his full height and loped out of the cave leaving behind a fire pit of cold ashes and the granite ceiling cracked right through.
Maryn must have dozed as they made their way back to the palace because when she lifted her head to see where they were, she realised they were about to climb the stairs that led from Frigga's gardens into the palace just as the sun slipped below the horizon.
Twisting her hands into Fenrir's fur, she winced as the smooth, rolling movements of the wolf's body jostled her tender skin and aching body. He climbed the stairs easily, even with her on his back.
The moment they entered the private wing of the royal family, however, all hell broke loose. A call went up from the guards who had seen them, and soon Maryn and Fenrir were surrounded by servants and soldiers.
"Maryn!" Frigga's voice parted the crowd of Aesir and Maryn slid from Fenrir's back to stand unsteadily on her feet before being swept up into Frigga's arms. "Valhalla be praised!" the older woman whispered fervently, "We thought you had been lost to us." Pulling away the Allmother tucked a dark lock of hair back from Maryn's face, "Where were you? You have been missing for nearly two days."
Surprised that her body had shut down for so long, Maryn glanced at those encircling her and Frigga and dropped her gaze, "Where is Thor?"
"He is out searching the forest for you," Odin spoke from where he stood a few steps back from his wife and good-daughter. "He has had search parties scouring the grounds and land surrounding the palace since your lady's maids found you missing. We were all worried about you."
Knowing that acting weak and in pain would only create more questions than she wanted to answer, Maryn made sure to draw herself up to her full height and tried to look calm, "I needed time and quiet. I am home now; there was no need to worry about me."
Odin didn't look as if he believed that she was alright, "We will always worry after you, Maryn, you are our daughter."
Swallowing back the well up of emotions his words caused, Maryn nodded her thanks and excused herself to rest.
She saw the way both Odin and Frigga watched her, they were worried and not about to allow her to slip away unnoticed again. She sensed when two guards stepped out from the group still watching her and followed her to her chambers, only to stop outside the antechamber door. They would no doubt be stationed there for as long as Odin felt necessary.
Once inside her chambers, Maryn stripped out of her tunic, boots and breeches and dressed in a soft nightgown of black cotton. Limping slowly to her bed she climbed under the warm covers and closed her eyes, falling into a deep sleep easily.
She awoke early the next morning and lay staring up at the emerald silk canopy of her bed. It took a few moments for the realisation that her body was still aching to sink in, but when it did, she clenched her jaw and sat up, hugging her knees to her chest. Assessing her body, she felt the same burn as she had before, her bones and blood scalding. But there was something else, a new awareness that had been dulled by the binding spell. She now sensed the magic that surrounded her, the small crackle of it in the air and the fizz when it was absorbed into her skin. Everything seemed a little brighter, a little more vivid, and imbued with a power that called to her own. Never had she felt as alive as she did now. The blocks in her mind, which she had learnt to put up under Loki's tutelage were completely destroyed, and the feeling of the innate magic of the Asgardian world and all its inhabitants was seductive in its strength.
The whispers of it slipped into her mind, curling around her thoughts and filling them until all she wanted to do was call the power into her body and let it sear through her and into something else.
"My lady?"
Tora's voice jolted her out of her stupor and Maryn blinked, lifting her eyes to the redhead standing nearby.
"Would you care for a bath before you break your fast?" Tora watched her princess glance around the room quickly before Maryn's eyes came to rest back on her face, "Prince Thor has asked to join you for breakfast once you are dressed. We have all been worried about you." There was something wrong with Maryn and Tora knew she needed to watch over her.
Slipping from the bed, Maryn sent Tora a small smile, "A bath would be lovely. And, once the bathing pool is full, please tell Thor I will break my fast with him when I am dressed."
Curtsying, Tora left to do as Maryn had requested while the brunette followed her into the bathing room at a slower pace. Fenrir stayed curled up on the bed and Maryn was grateful, the power emanating from his large form was making her feel a little unsteady with the strength of it. It had the same cool touch as she remembered from Loki's magic – the same call to use her magic as she had felt around Loki as well.
Stepping into the bathing chamber, Maryn sat at the edge of the pool and ran her fingers through the warm water filling it. When Tora had left to inform Thor of Maryn's answer to his invitation of breakfast, Maryn decided to try to use her newly unfettered power. The simple spell to fill the bathing pool with flower petals and oils for her skin and hair came to her mind easily, and instantly crystal blue light spread out from her hands and into the water, flowers and the sheen of oil covering the surface of the pool water between one beat of her heart and the next.
The shine of the power she used had changed and she wondered if it was because her mind was now so open to the magic of Asgard or if her power had only developed since she had last used it.
Shaking off her thoughts, Maryn sighed and pulled off her nightgown, sliding into the scented water of the pool and submerging completely. When the air in her lungs ran out, she surfaced, brushing her hair back from her face. The warmth of the water muted her pain a little and she knew she had to find a way to hide that she was hurting from others, especially Frigga, Tora, Thor and Odin.
Washing languidly and trying to keep her thoughts from being pulled to other things by the power that called to her, Maryn relaxed her body, enjoying the quiet of the room. She had been alone for so long now that she relished when there were no others around. Now, with her power restored and stronger than ever, she knew she would have very few quiet moments alone.
With a sigh, she rinsed her skin and hair once more before climbing the stairs out of the pool. Wrapping a large towel around her body, she waved her hand, magically drying her hair and feeling satisfied that she could do so without a second thought. Moving to the full-length mirror, she studied herself. Thinking back she remembered how she had looked before Loki had fallen from the Rainbow Bridge; creamy skin, bright grey eyes, small but not thin. Now, however, her skin was sallow, her eyes had lost their happy spark and were ringed with dark shadows, and her body looked sickly, her flesh drawn too tight over her bones and there was an almost bruised quality to both her skin and the look in her eyes. This wasn't new, but it was worsening, which could only have happened because of the stress put on her body by her returned magic. It was too powerful and was taking a visible toll on her, making her look sick and in pain.
With no other choice, Maryn called on her power, casting a powerful glamour. It made her skin look healthy once more, gave her body the look of strength, and hid any hint of pain she may be feeling. However, her eyes shone with a strange light, the same colour as her magic. Unable to change that, she ignored it and walked to her dressing chamber. Once again, with the magic she had missed so much, she made her towel disappear and conjured a deep blue, silk slip onto her body, over which appeared a chiffon gown with long sleeves tight at the wrist of the same colour. She tied a dark brown leather belt around her waist leaving the ends to hang to one side. Dangling earrings of gold with square shaped clear crystals appeared in her earlobes, a gold ring set with an etched sapphire appeared on her right hand ring finger, and Loki's pendant and her wedding ring appeared in their rightful places. Using her magic again, she watched her hair sweep up onto a loose braid over her head, the back twisted and pinned into place by a golden comb topped with white enamel blossoms. Silk slippers also appeared on her feet.
Once she was ready, Maryn walked out of her dressing chamber, through her bedroom, and out onto the balcony of her rooms, Fenrir falling into step behind her as she passed the bed where he had been dozing as she washed and dressed.
Tora and her other maids had set up a small round table with two chairs, platters of food, goblets of silver, and jugs of cool fruit juice and ale covering the table top.
Thor sat in one chair, his gaze resting on the sun-warmed forest trees that grew close-by. She saw the worry lines etched into his face and around his eyes. He hadn't been so sad and care-worn before Odin had sent him to Midgard, and Maryn knew that she wasn't the only one who had lost a love. She had heard from Fandral that he had fallen for a human named Jane and that now with the Rainbow Bridge and Bifrost destroyed, he was pining for the woman he could not go to.
"Thor," Maryn put on a smile.
The large Aesir turned and grinned, the care and worry she saw in him slipping back behind his mask of happiness before he stood and pulled her into a tight embrace.
She had thought it was only she who wore a mask; now, with her mind and spirit open to her magic again, she saw more clearly than ever the masks everyone around her wore as well.
"You scared us," he spoke against her hair, the strength of his arms making her feel safe but not happy. "Where did you go, little sister?"
Fighting with her emotions, Maryn stepped away when he let her go and looked up into his blue eyes, "I needed time alone, away from court. Everything reminds me too much of Loki."
The sadness was back in his eyes, "Even I?"
Reaching out, Maryn laid a gentle, comforting hand to his forearm, "I'm sorry."
He sighed, searching her face as though it would give him answers, but then he seemed to relax and smiled down at her, "You look better."
Grasping at any excuse to steer him away from the truth and any questions about what she had been doing, Maryn nodded, "I feel more relaxed, more complete than I have for months. I needed the time to find myself again, to try and move on."
Leading her to the table, Thor pulled the chair out for her before sitting opposite her when she was seated, "And did you find what you were looking for?"
She watched him take a sip from his goblet of ale, the air around him shimmering with the magic that was so much a part of the Aesir and their world. It looked like a golden haze that covered them and wove between each individual, connecting them and their world with individual threads as thin as spider's silk, but as unbreakable as if it was made of the heart of a burning star.
"Maryn?"
Blinking, Maryn smiled as if she hadn't just been pulled into the call of the magic around her. "Yes?"
Eyebrows furrowed, the God of Thunder studied her even more closely. "I asked if you had found what you were looking for."
"Yes, I think I have," was all she was willing to tell him. "Let us eat."
They fell to talking of the past, and what Thor had experienced on Earth, and by the time breakfast was over, they were both more relaxed.
"You've somehow broken Frigga's spell and had your magic return." Thor's words weren't a question and Maryn was shocked that she had somehow underestimated how observant he was behind the playful, little-boy demeanour he put forth.
"H-how did you know?" she asked, twisting her fingers together in her lap.
He grinned, seeming almost easy and relaxed but she saw he was far from it. "Your eyes are glowing every time you use a spell, you are distracted easily and seem to see things that are not there, and there is something different about you that I have not sensed since mother bound your power."
Wincing she saw him tense and waved her hand, "I am not in pain, merely annoyed that I can be read so easily." Turning her eyes onto Fenrir, she told Thor the truth, "I broke the spell the Allmother cast. I need my magic, Thor. It is a piece of my soul…You wouldn't understand." Frustrated she twisted her wedding ring around her finger.
"I do understand, Maryn. I understand more than you know and more than Loki ever thought I did." Thor turned away so she wouldn't see the tears in his eyes at the mention of his brother, but she saw them all the same. "You and he were so much alike in that way. Your magic and who you are could not be separated. It was wrong of us to want you to be, but we knew no other way to keep you safe."
Leaning over the table, Maryn lay her hand over his, smiling gently, "I do not blame you or mother or father, all of you did what you thought was right, to save me from being further injured or even dying." Squeezing his hand, she succeeded in getting him to look at her, "Thank you."
He grinned that cheeky grin that she always liked to see and turned his hand under hers, closing his fingers around her own. "Thank mother, I did nothing but wish fruitlessly to have the one hurting you within my grasp so I could wound him for it."
"You have kept me safe, cared for me, and tried to help me find happiness again, Thor," Maryn spoke softly, "You deserve my thanks most of all."
With a bashful smile, Thor didn't argue anymore and instead tightened his hold on her hand in thanks.
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When Maryn went to bed that night, she felt lighter. Although her magic was still unpredictable and draining, she knew that her relationship with Thor had been mended. Even with the recklessness she had shown in breaking Frigga's magical bonds, she was more at peace than she had been since losing Loki and their baby.
Laying in her bed and feeling the warmth of Fenrir's large furry nearby, the crackle and fizz of her magic mixing with Asgard's, and the call of other magic further out in the universe, Maryn hoped that her body would hold out long enough to find the truth of Loki's demise. The glamour she was using had dropped for she was alone. She once again looked worn out and ill. Turning toward the side of the bed Loki had preferred, she squeezed her eyes shut as tears burned them. Biting her lip, she forced her body to relax so that she could sleep and lose herself in the dark stillness of her dreams.
She never dreamed anymore, not since her magic was locked away, and even when she was unconscious after breaking the tie on her power, she hadn't dreamt. Her last dream had been of Loki and their daughter, when she had chosen to live and not follow Kari and her parents to Valhalla.
So, when she opened her eyes and saw silver moonlight softening the edges of everything that was bathed in it, her mind took a moment to realise she was in fact dreaming.
Sitting up, she pushed her bed-sheets away and slipped out of bed. Walking from the room, she made her way out onto the balcony where she had been eating with Thor hours before. The sky was an impossible purplish-grey, wispy clouds moving together quickly to form a seething mass of black roiling madly on the horizon, bringing with it the electric snap of an approaching storm and the shiver of awareness. This wasn't just a dream, it was a vision, a warning that something was coming.
Wrapping her arms around her torso, Maryn turned to go back inside, only to freeze at the sight of a tall figure standing in the doorway that lead inside from the balcony.
"Loki?" she whispered, her hand rising to press to her mouth as he stepped forward and into the silver light.
His hair was longer; his cheekbones more prominent as if he was malnourished and exhausted, the hollow look in his once vibrant gaze accentuated by the ring of bruised-black around each eye. His lips were bloodless and his hands trembling where they hung limply at his sides. His armour was unpolished and askew and his emerald cloak tattered and dirty.
Taking a halting step toward him she felt tears fill her eyes, "Oh, my love, what have they done to you?"
He reached out a hand toward her but didn't touch her, "Help me, Maryn."
Tears slid down her cheeks and she felt her heart break, "Where are you?" she asked urgently, moving closer.
Still not touching her, Loki glanced at the storm clouds before turning his gaze to her once more, "Help me, sweet one. I can't hold on."
"Where are you?" Maryn tried to move closer to him but her body wouldn't obey. "Loki, tell me where you are."
He smiled sadly, "I know what I have to do…where I have to go."
Heart pounding in her chest, Maryn begged, "Where are you going?"
His lips twisted slowly into a cruel smile, his white teeth glinting in the moonlight, all fear and kindness gone from his face.
"…Midgard."
