Even in the afternoon and the rest of the day that sad mood didn't leave. It wasn't completely unbearable but painful enough to be the only thing Yasuo could think about.

He repeated himself several times it wasn't Yi's fault. He didn't mean anything and this was merely him being his kind self. There was no way he would know.

Light words indeed. The latter wanted to say he was still free and he wouldn't stop him from doing naything. Like a parent would. 'Dad'. Someone he never had. It stung but Yasuo would think after more than two decades, he was probably over it. Visibly no.

The word itself was too foreign. He practically never used it, even less to call someone since that someone was never here for him or their mom. It was a stranger, a ghost that could be dead, it would change nothing. No wonder why he was used to tell whoever made him was dead. Or maybe to pretend that he was like Yone. Anyway.

Thinking about this nonexistant father made him think about his family, about his brother and mother. Basically his day was fucked. He couldn't escape these thoughts, slowly but surely overwhelming him. No…

Thankfully or not, he didn't see much Yi during the day. The latter had gone on his routine, took care of Lily in whatever task and attention it required. For now he was in his bedroom and Yasuo would never dare to bother him. This gave him some peace, no matter how harsh his thoughts were.

Stop, stop.

It wasn't Yi's fault, he never meant that. However now it was too late and he couldn't escape that terrible train of thoughts. It even definitely pushed aside the latest events and guilt from not texting Yi back in time. In the end, this wasn't so important compared to life long troubles and sad thoughts.

It reminded him nothing was healed and the wound had been staying opened for months. Less than three months, still rather short but time had passed and it didn't change anything. Just he could pretend sometimes that he wasn't feeling hollow and that his family was doing perfectly well.

Only, he knew it wasn't the case. They hadn't talked since that day and he completely refused any kind of contact. With time texts and calls became more rare, until it simply ended. Yasuo felt bad whatever he did, unable to answer but also feeling so awful for not talking to them. So he did nothing and remorse ate him bit by bit. Most of days it was easy, he could do as if he wasn't hurting and he swore some days he didn't even think about it. These days were good. Better off worrying about his crush over Yi than deep matters like the pain inflicted to his family.

I still have to call them.

Still here, never gone. Pain and fear remained. Yet it was so comfortable right now, to pretend to see and feel nothing about them and go on his day to worry on useless stuff. Just wake up, go to work, see Yi in his daily life, do as if it didn't make his whole day. It was better to focus on things close to him. Maybe if he did like his family didn't exist, his pain would disappear too. This was stupid and he was too for believing so, it wouldn't work.

Following this painful fall into sorrow, he thought also about what he couldn't ignore forever. He still had to find a place to sleep definitely, or at least not to bother Yi anymore. Really, everything came to slap him in the face as soon as the door to his problems was opened. He hated it genuinely, it hurt too much.

Why couldn't he just to go on his life and do as if nothing was wrong ? This was useless too, Yasuo was aware so far the latter hadn't said anything but soon a day would come he would ask him to leave. Yi was so kind, he let him stay that long but maybe one day he would just be done with him. So many things to consider, so little time and so faint hope for the future. This was exactly why he tried to ignore it.

How could he feel so careless every day ? Right now it felt as if there was no good solution, only pain in the instant and for later.

In this urge to at least clear his guilt even so slightly, Yasuo looked for his laptop and started looking for a place to rent. Again. It was ridiculous, if he wanted to feel better he would rather have to call his mother or solve any matter. Not just looking at expensive offers, knowing very well he wasn't going to find anything. What he earned as money wasn't enough, he would have to work a lot harder than that.

Everything stung, without rest. Really, he was glad Yi had decided to stay away from him, even without any intentions. Maybe the latter wanted some time alone without another person around. He wouldn't blame him, this was his exact situation right now. It hurt to the point he wasn't sure if he seemed very composed. Not exactly like crying but closer to the edge than usual. It was so horrible to feel so sensitive to any negativity, his mind couldn't focus on anything else.

Why ? Why feel like this ?

Just a few words and now he was reduced to this. It couldn't be Yi's fault, surely it was just his own fears and problems that build up when he ignored it. A simple word and now it let everything to spill. So to say, he had a hard time trying to hold everything back, clearing his mind from anything. But like every time, when he wasn't thinking about his need to find a place, he thought about his mother.

It wasn't unbearable but slowly it hurt really bad. It was getting worse. Resolute, Yasuo kept his eyes on the screen, desperately trying to find something and hoping his life could only get better.

Really, something must have been going on because he didn't think he would fall to this so quickly. He thought it was fine even just after the conversation at lunch. And now it hurt.

It won't stop…