AN: This fandom is one of the nicest I've ever been a part of? You're all so nice? I'm on the verge of happy tears every time you like all the silly things I write, thank you.
I know leave probably wouldn't be 2 months long, but hey, Reeve said, "Mental Health Rights" everyone gets a long vacation yay.
Longing, She Wrote
Summer
"You've been wiping that glass for the past twenty minutes, Tifa, I think it's clean now," Aerith grins over from mopping up the bar.
"Right. Clean. Putting it away now," Tifa moves to the cupboard, peeking up at the door. She and Aerith are the only ones left in the bar, Barret rushing out with Marlene because of a school night. 'I'll threaten your pretty boys tomorrow,' he had grumbled, much to their amusement.
"He's still not here yet. And I don't think he'll appear in the next ten seconds either if you keep looking at the door. It's still early."
"I know…" Tifa twists the cloth in her hands. "It's just… I haven't seen Cloud since I was fourteen. I just want to make sure he finds the right place… that he recognizes me."
"Of course, he'll recognize you!" Aerith walks over for a hug. "Who would forget those gorgeous eyes?"
Tifa blushes. "People change."
She certainly has. If it weren't for Aerith, Tifa would have kept trying to survive by fighting in underground rings for money. Tifa used to open up to people so easily, but here in Midgar, she feels muted, like she's putting on act just to survive.
"Well, you've been talking to him normally over letters right? I'm sure that natural chemistry will kick in when you meet again."
"It's different over letters though…"
Over letters, Tifa feels she can spill her deepest secrets and fears, things she hasn't even talked to Aerith about yet. Over letters, Tifa doesn't feel any judging eyes or dismissive body language. She just imagines the Cloud she remembers, shy and sweet, always willing to listen… and she writes.
Aerith pokes her. "Hey. It might be awkward for the first hour or so, but trust me, you two will find your rhythm with each other soon enough."
Tifa pokes her back. "Just where is this confidence coming from and how can I get some of it? Aren't you nervous about meeting Zack for the first time?"
"Not really. I know I'm irresistible. The question is if he's worthy of me."
"He better be." Otherwise, Tifa has a new pair of gloves she's been itching to try out.
"Why Miss Lockhart, I didn't know you loved me so," Aerith swoons with a wink.
"Why Miss Gainsborough, how could you ever doubt my devotion? Did I not swear to be by your side forever?"
The door to the bar swings open, two muscular men walking in. The one with dark hair elbows the other one, joking, "Looks like you have some competition, Cloud," while the other ducks down his head in that familiar shy way…
Tifa's breath leaves her. "…Cloud?"
His eyes meet hers and Tifa can't think. Cloud's eyes are glowing, as bright as materia that Tifa only ever spies in the shops. She knows Aerith has a secret stash of restore materia, just in case she, Elmyra, or Tifa ever need it. Ever since Shinra shut down all their mako reactors and switched to alternate sources of power, materia has become rarer. But Tifa never thought that real SOLDIERs actually had eyes that glow such phosphorous blue and green.
Cloud used to be so skinny, but now he looks like he could hold his own against Barret in an arm wrestling match. His blond hair is somehow spikier than before, although a bit shorter, and he has that familiar quiet thoughtfulness in his gaze. And…
"You grew taller," Tifa notes.
Cloud only shrugs. "Told you."
His voice, much deeper than in their adolescence, makes Tifa's cheeks heat up.
Calm down, she tells herself. It's just Cloud… Cloud who she hasn't seen in years…
"You look good. You look healthy. I'm… I'm glad," Tifa manages to say, words leaving her. To her horror, tears begin to well up in her eyes. Nope. Stop. She's fine. She's fine! She forces herself to smile and urges the tears back. "So," she faces the second SOLDIER, "you must be Zack."
Said SOLDIER, Zack, isn't even paying attention to her, stuck in some sort of starstruck lovers stare with Aerith. Doing no better, Tifa swears she hears Aerith give a besotted sigh.
A hand gently touches her shoulder. Cloud.
"…You look good too," he murmurs.
Tifa stiffens, peeking up at Cloud to see him averting his eyes, rubbing the back of his neck just like he always does when he wants to say more but feels uncomfortable. For a moment, he doesn't look like an intimidating SOLDIER, but the young boy who shyly left her flowers on her porch every morning because he couldn't give them in person… the young boy who always looked pleasantly surprised when Tifa invited him to play and snuck him cookies.
And just like that… something clicks in place, something Tifa didn't even know as missing, and she beams at him, uncaring if her eyes fill up with tears.
Alarm flickers across Cloud's face before Tifa throws her arms around him.
"Welcome back," she says, although Nibelheim is long gone, although the promise was a childish thing she gave up on long ago, although they're in a completely new city that has never felt like 'home' to either of them.
(He's here.)
She'll apologize for getting his shirt wet later.
Slowly, his arms circle around her, warm and steady.
"…I'm back," comes the choked-up whisper.
:
Somehow being in Cloud's arms again feels as natural as breathing. Her words are always awkward and unsure, even when she's in bartender-mode. She always disguises her uncertainty with a smile and the knowledge that people need someone who can take care of them, but she's never let herself truly act on her feelings. She's slightly more eloquent with a pen, but it's nothing compared to hearing his heartbeat, taking in his smell, his breathing, and knowing he's real.
She can feel him melting into the embrace too, pulling her closer as he breathes in the scent of her hair. Cloud has always been very quiet, but his actions give away his feelings.
When they pull apart, his hands linger on her elbows and she can feel him studying her intensely, as if she'll disappear if he blinks too long.
"…You got your ears pierced."
Tifa wipes away her tears and smiles. "Aerith convinced me too. The earrings are from her."
He reaches up to touch them, his fingers brushing against the bottom of her ear.
"Beautiful," he says, but she doesn't think he's talking about the earrings.
Tifa suddenly feels overwhelmed by the emotion in his eyes. "I… gotta go," she says, "to the bar. Because you're probably thirsty. I've been such a rude host! You've travelled a long ways. What would you like?" She quickly turns around, intent on keeping her hands busy so she doesn't have to think about what Cloud wants.
He follows her closely, taking a seat at the bar after she gives him a raised brow. In the corner, Tifa's sure that Aerith's already dragged Zack to the backroom for a make out session. Traitors, leaving her here to figure things out with Cloud.
"I heard you made me a cookie fund," he says lightly, and while he's not smiling, she can see the amusement in his eyes.
"Hey, cookies are expensive. I put a lot of labour into kneading the dough and putting just the right amount of caramel into them. A girl's gotta get paid for her time. But yes, I do have some cookies on the menu for you, Mister Strife."
She and Aerith spent the other night baking a whole new batch plus some stew for the boys to have.
"Can I have the whole jar?" he asks, straight-faced.
"For that, I would have to ask my co-baker, Miss Gainsborough, who has mysteriously disappeared into the backroom with your friend. Presence pending. But you can have one. Maybe two."
He chuckles, and Tifa realizes that she missed this… The easy camaraderie, his laughs and rare smiles, the way his eyes always lit up around her…
"You know when I gave you that cheque, I was hoping you'd use it for yourself…"
"As you can see," Tifa gestures to the upkeep of the bar, "I run a tight ship here and it's not needed."
His eyes soften. "I know. You're a survivor, Tifa. But it doesn't mean you can't lean on me."
Once more, Tifa feels her breath leave her at the sincerity in her eyes.
He ducks his head down. "I know you've done fine without me… but I… you're the only one left… I just… please let me take care of you. Even just a little. Even if you throw the money into your savings and never use it, just… please."
Something melts inside of Tifa, a hurt buried deep down that sings under those words.
"Okay…" she reaches out to put her hand on his. "I'll do that." She doesn't intend to use the cheque on herself, but if it gives Cloud peace of mind, then she'll put it into her savings until she can pay him back.
The surprised drop of his jaw, his widened eyes, make her laugh.
"Just let me take care of you too!" Tifa understands all too well the feeling of you're the only one left. She wants to cling to him and never let go of his hand, frightened that as soon as he walks out the door, he'll only be a dream. Even if she only stays by his side as a dear friend, she'll accept that wholeheartedly. She just wants him to keep existing, keep being real. "Now you must be starving, I think I've got some stew for you…"
He's by her side in an instant. "Here, let me carry that," he takes the bowls in her hands.
"Oh, it's alright, you sit down…"
"It's the least I can do," he murmurs, going over to set up one of the tables for four.
Tifa smiles, and for once, she doesn't feel any dead weight in it.
:
After setting up the table, Cloud knocks loudly at the storage room for Zack and Aerith to come out. It's only after he threatens to eat their share, plus dessert, that Aerith scrambles out, cheeks rosy and pleased, and Zack stumbles out, lips bruised, well-kissed, and ever dazed.
Tifa coughs awkwardly. "Um. Dinner's ready."
Cloud stares at Zack, unimpressed. "Really?"
"I'm keeping him," Aerith proudly proclaims, looping her arm around Zack's.
Still dazed, Zack nods in agreement.
"…Are you two going to behave during dinner?" Tifa wonders, as Aerith flutters her eyes at Zack and Zack preens under the attention.
"I make no promises," Aerith grins. "Now, Zack Fair, this is my beloved friend Miss Tifa Lockhart. Tifa, this is my dashing boyfriend!"
"It's nice to meet the guy Aerith won't stop talking about," Tifa shakes his hand.
"Nice to meet the one who made all those delicious cookies. Cloud's a lucky guy—ow! What? It's true!"
Cloud kicks him in the shin again.
"Uh, Aerith, this is Cloud," Tifa lightly touches his shoulder. "Cloud, Aerith."
Cloud only nods at her friend, while Aerith gives a cheerful wave.
"You have made my Tifa here very very happy with this visit."
"Aerith please stop," if Tifa blushes anymore, she'll combust.
"The childhood friends reunite!" she cheers. "Shall we all sit down and make a toast?"
Eager for some alcohol, Zack pulls Aerith over to the table. Smiling at the new couple's antics, Tifa goes to follow, sitting next to Cloud. Their shoulders brush against each other and Tifa fights back the urge to blush even more.
"To new beginnings and reunions!" Aerith holds up her glass.
They all clink their glasses together and dig in.
:
The evening passes all too quickly. Cloud and Zack each have three helpings of stew, Zack saying that he'd marry the food if he could before getting poked by Aerith. Cloud keeps glancing at Tifa intently as he eats, his quiet approval speaking volumes to her about the meal.
She and Aerith learn that Zack has been in SOLDIER for several years longer than Cloud.
"I ended up training him. He looks soft, but damn can he punch! Most stubborn guy I've ever met."
"Zack's exaggerating. He beat me up in training too much."
Neither SOLDIER mentions their time in Wutai or being deployed to other countries. They focus on light training stories, on their annoying superior officers, on missing good food and beer, on how much they have to fight the line-ups to get their mail first. Exchanging glances, Aerith and Tifa know better than to bring up dark topics. They begin sharing how they met, how Aerith took Tifa in for a while before Tifa took to bartending and teaching martial arts.
"We'll have to go a round sometime," Zack says with interest. "Don't often fight a martial arts specialist."
"I'd hardly call myself a specialist," Tifa shakes her head. "I'm nothing compared to Master Zangan. I still have a way to go."
"Then you better get him to step up your training!"
Tifa doesn't reply, staring down at her cheesecake instead. "Right…" If she knew where Master Zangan was, she'd ask. But her skills are rusty compared to her fighting ring days, she doubts he'd teach her. She doubts he'd even want to see her.
"It's getting late," Cloud says suddenly. "We should clean up and go. Zack, help me wash dishes."
"What, but cake…!" Cloud picks up the dishes and shoves Zack towards the kitchen.
Bewildered, Tifa watches them go, hardly noticing Aerith take Cloud's seat next to her.
"Hey, Teef… you okay?" Aerith puts her arm around her.
"I… I don't know." Normally Tifa doesn't care if people mention Master Zangan. She always laughs it off, pretends that her Master is coming back to her. But seeing Cloud again brings up old memories, of the explosion, of her dad's body, of waking up alone in a hotel room with nothing but Master Zangan's note.
Aerith doesn't need anymore explanations. She just holds her tight.
:
By the time Zack and Cloud finish washing dishes in the kitchen, Aerith has Tifa giggling and rolling her eyes at Aerith's starry-eyed monologue about Zack's muscles.
"Stop laughing! You don't understand, Tifa, the joy of holding onto a strong guy's arms! You need to try with Cloud."
"Oh, no, I couldn't."
"But you're into him, I know it! Don't say you're 'just friends,' because you're not!"
Tifa doesn't deny it… and she doesn't accept it either.
"It's… complicated."
She's too broken to love someone in a romantic relationship. Besides, Cloud's in SOLDIER. How could anything last over such long distances? Their connection is precious to her, even more so with Nibelheim gone. She won't ruin that.
He's… more than a friend.
Aerith looks sad. "Tifa…"
Of course, that's when Zack and Cloud emerge from the kitchen, Zack grinning wide and Cloud expressionless.
"Milady," Zack bows, offering Aerith her arm. "Shall we away into the night?"
Aerith glances at Tifa, but Tifa only shoos her away. "Go on! Go introduce him to Elmyra. Let me know if he survives or if I should prepare for his funeral!"
"I'll have you know, Lockhart, that I am very charming to all mothers. She'll love me," Zack jokes.
Aerith studies Tifa carefully, before she nods. "Okay." She turns suddenly to Cloud and points an accusing finger at him. "You better take care of her, or I'll rip your dick off! Don't think I can't!"
"Aerith!"
"I really will!"
Bewildered, Cloud can only nod.
Then Aerith pulls Zack outside and begins coaching him on how to impress her mother.
"I'm so sorry about that, please don't take her seriously," Tifa says to Cloud. "She's just very protective even though she knows I can take care of myself."
"…Sounds like you found yourself a good friend. I'm glad."
Though she read this sentiment in his letters, she still blushes.
"Anyways, let's go to my apartment. It's not a long walk. I already set up the spare room for you, I just gotta lock up."
He waits patiently for her at the door and follows silently after she locks everything.
The bravery that Tifa felt earlier during dinner fades with the awareness that it's just the two of them, alone, walking at night. Cloud's close enough to take her hand, but he doesn't, content with the silence. His warmth is so nostalgic that Tifa could open her eyes and they'd be twelve again, walking home after another night of star gazing.
Here under the plate, Tifa hardly sees any stars… she almost forgets what they look like.
"So… it's… complicated?"
Tifa nearly trips over her feet. "How much did you hear?"
"… From all the stuff about Zack's arms. Aerith… definitely knows what she wants."
"Oh god," Tifa wants to bury her face in her hands. "Again. Sorry about that."
"So… 'complicated.'"
Tifa looks away. "We haven't seen each other in years… And I still… It's just strange, being around you again. Sometimes I know how to act. And then… I don't."
She doesn't think she makes any sense at all.
"Then… don't act. Just… be you."
Tifa looks up into his eyes. They're luminescent in the dark, such an unfamiliar colour, and yet the emotion in them, the deep thoughtfulness that Tifa has yet to decipher, remains very much the same as the fourteen-year old that told her he had a dream.
He's different now. And yet the same.
She wonders if he sees that in her too. She wonders how much of the old Tifa survived Nibelheim's explosion.
"…I don't know how," she confesses.
He doesn't say anything, only slowly takes her hand in his. "Is this… okay?"
She swallows, feeling how well their hands fit together, how his hand engulfs hers like a gentle embrace.
"Yeah."
Maybe she doesn't have to know how to be herself around him. Maybe she really can just be.
:
They walk hand in hand to Tifa's apartment. Her apartment isn't as homey as Seventh Heaven. Tifa owns very little besides the necessities. Most of her furniture is second-hand, mere decoration as Tifa rarely entertains visitors. She spends most of her time at the bar or at Aerith's house. The only personal item Tifa has in the living room is an antique piano that Marle left for her one day.
"I know, not the most lively place, but it's a place to sleep… and it's clean! Come on, your room is this way," Tifa tugs him along.
She made sure to put a vase of Aerith's flowers in the guest bedroom, along with her softest blankets and pillows. If there is anything Tifa indulges in, it's spending money on warm blankets.
"My room's right across from yours so feel free to knock if you need anything. Shower's down the hall. I have to open the bar tomorrow but I'm closing it for the rest of the week so we can catch up! Aerith and I have tons of places to show you and Zack. But feel free to relax and explore tomorrow, I have to work so…"
"Thank you," Cloud whispers, he holds her hand tight.
He looks at her intently, waiting.
Tifa stares back. "Good night, Cloud…"
He lingers in the doorway, still holding onto her hand.
"…Good night, Tifa."
Reluctantly, they both let go.
:
That night, Tifa doesn't have bad dreams.
:
In the morning, Tifa walks into the kitchen, pleasantly surprised at the smell of fresh eggs and toast. There's even a small basket of fruit on the table and some tea being brewed, the scent of jasmine (her favourite) whiffing through her nose.
"…Is that my apron?" Tifa tries not to smile.
Cloud stands over the stove, attempting not to burn the eggs, with her kitten-patterned apron on. He shrugs, cheeks pink. "There was nothing else so…"
Tifa's smile widens. "You didn't have to make breakfast. You're my guest!"
"Well… I said I'd take care of you so… I went and bought some groceries. Shit," Cloud frantically puts the slightly burnt eggs onto a plate. He glances at her apologetically. "Uh, hope that's okay."
Tifa swears she melts.
"Yeah… it's… it's more than okay, Cloud. Thank you."
The small smile he gives her in return could get her through any day.
:
"You don't have to come with me to work," Tifa says for the tenth time, as they walk into Seventh Heaven.
"S'okay. I don't mind."
"There has to be other things you want to do in the meantime. Up top, I hear there's a wishing fountain to look at… and there's the memorial..."
"I'll wait."
"But—"
He steps forward, intertwining their hands again. "I want to see them with you."
"Oh…" Tifa is going to need a new set of lungs with how often her breath leaves her around him.
He has the gall to smirk. "Yes. Oh."
Tifa blushes furiously. "You—"
"Good morning!" Aerith skips into the bar, beaming like sunshine. With his arm around her, Zack looks equally as happy. The two of them could be two suns, sharing the same galaxy, too bright to look at. "Hope you two slept well and got very reacquainted!" Tifa doesn't dare answer that without blushing. "Do you mind if Zack stays in the bar today? He can hang out with Cloud. They can be our security!"
"Well… I don't see why not… as long as they don't scare off our regulars…?"
"Brilliant! We'll pay you both in free alcohol and food," Aerith kisses Zack on the cheek. "Let's get started!"
Helplessly, Tifa puts her hand on Cloud's elbow. "I hope that's alright. Honestly, you two can leave at anytime if you get bored. This is supposed to be your vacation after all…"
"No, it's fine, I'll do it. Not much different than patrolling." Cloud shrugs.
Tifa feels her stomach twist.
:
The day passes quickly with a steady stream of customers. Most of Seventh Heaven's regulars don't bat an eye at Cloud and Zack's intimidating presences at the door… probably because of Zack's easy-going nature. Later in the afternoon, Barret stops by to give the shovel talk to them both, then gives them the I'm watching you eyes before rushing off to work. Marlene's babysitting duties this week lie with Elmyra, so Tifa and Aerith can show the boys Midgar for the week.
It's odd, how seamlessly both Cloud and Zack fall into the rhythm of Seventh Heaven. Occasionally, when Aerith carries out an order that's too big, Zack will help her. Cloud takes breaks every now and then to sweep the bar and keep an eye out for Tifa. Tifa's always been able to manage (with a smile and a punch) the hooligans that come every now and then by herself but it's… nice not to having to worry about that during work.
She's not sure why she felt so nervous about this in the first place.
That is… until one of their more questionable patrons comes in with a ruckus.
Scott's infamous in Sector 7 for having lost his wife and kids in one of the mako reactor explosions ten years ago. The tragedy made him a mean drunk who takes his temper out on the people around him. If it weren't for his story, Tifa would have banned him from Seventh Heaven years ago… but the way he indulges in drink, to talk to his dead wife and daughter… it hurts.
(If she hadn't met Aerith, would she be like that?)
Tonight, Scott stumbles in, swearing loudly and hissing at anyone who stares at him. Tifa sighs, signalling to Aerith that she'll handle this. She's one of the only people that Scott doesn't swear at, once he learned she survived the tragic mako explosions ten years ago.
"Scott," she chides softly, "what did I say about coming into the bar already drunk?"
He spits into his canteen and scowls. "Why's it matter? This is a place to get wasted anyways."
She crosses her arms, pinning him with a glare.
"…Fine," he hands over the canteen. "I'll just get that cranberry juice then. And some fries."
"Good choice, Scott." Maybe tonight will be one of the 'better' nights for him. Hopefully she won't have to drag him out of the bar to calm him down.
Scott grumbles, head down against the table, when a group of patrons, too busy happily singing and stumbling together out of their seats, bumps against his foot.
In a split-second, he's no longer rational-Scott, but roaring in their faces. "WHAT THE SHIT DID YOU—"
"Scott!" Tifa jumps in front of her customer, his blow about to come to her chest.
A giant sword suddenly lands a shoulder away from Scott, lodged into the wall. Eerie mako-infused eyes scorch him with silent ferocity.
"Get out," Cloud snarls.
No one in the bar dares to move, frozen by the overwhelming anger in the air.
"Get. Out."
Scott stumbles over his seat, rushing out the door as if a dragon's on his back. The rest of Tifa's customers do the same.
Tifa gapes. From the corner of her eye, she sees Zack coming over with a frown on his face, Aerith frozen in the corner, and Cloud's eyes are wide and livid, as if he's not seeing her at all, but some other enemy far away… his fingers twitching to pick up his fusion sword once more…
"Cloud!" Tifa wraps herself around him, forcing her breathing to slow, to coax him to match her breathing to hers. "It's okay, everything's fine. You did it, he's gone. It's okay, you're not there…"
His breathing slowly stutters to slow and deliberate breaths. Tifa sees Zack quietly murmuring in Aerith's ear, herding her away into the kitchen. Then it's just Tifa and Cloud and this unseen thing.
She closes her eyes and nests her head against his back. "Breathe with me," she murmurs, "Everything's going to be okay…"
She doesn't know how long they stand there in the empty bar, but eventually Cloud slumps down, his shoulders stop shaking, and turns to look at her. "I… I'm sorry."
Then he runs.
:
Tifa doesn't hesitate to run after him, throwing down her apron. "Close up for me, I'll call you tonight!" she yells to the kitchen.
"Go get him!" Aerith calls back.
Rushing out the door, Tifa spots a flash of blond around the corner and gives chase. Her feet pound on the ground, Tifa barely sees the world around her, only focusing on that flash of blond-like-sunlight.
Don't go, she thinks, don't go where I can't follow.
She stumbles, cursing at her feet for letting her down when she needs them, head whirling around, trying to find him, please, please, please—
There, in front of her apartment, head ducked down against her door, he stands. The evening shadows make him look like a stranger, swallowed in a darkness she doesn't know. For a second, Tifa hesitates. What right does she have to comfort him? How can she hope to understand what he's gone through?
Then Cloud looks up, his eyes wide and vulnerable and Tifa knows.
She rushes over to bring him into her apartment. At first, he flinches when she comes near and Tifa nearly steps back when he tugs her back to him. His hands hover over her waist, as if unsure he's allowed to touch, so Tifa makes the decision for him, putting her own hand around his waist and guiding him inside.
"…I shouldn't be here…" he whispers, but he doesn't pull away, only wraps his arm around her, close and tight.
"Well, you should. Because I asked you to be."
He whirls her around, eyes wild and bright. "I almost hurt you. I almost hurt him. I wanted to. The promise, I'm not keeping it very well… I already failed you… I wasn't there when Nibelheim—"
"And it's a good thing you weren't there, otherwise you'd be dead too!" Tifa cups his face in her hands. "Look at me. I'm here. I'm fine. We're both going to be fine. You kept your promise. We're here together, aren't we?"
His breathing slows down as he brings his hand up to her face, brushing back her hair. "…Tifa, I'm not a good person anymore."
Tifa knows what SOLDIERs have to do. She closes her eyes. "You're still my Cloud though."
His laughter is so broken.
He doesn't let go of her all night, the two of them settled on the couch. Cloud doesn't tell her everything but Tifa can only extrapolate the details. There's guilt… so much guilt over innocent and enemies killed in the war, over losing his mother, over fulfilling his promise. Over and over, the promise.
"Cloud," Tifa whispers, nestled against his arms, "I don't know what it means to be forgiven… but I do know that our lives are dark and terribly sad. I think… you were doing what you can in a situation you couldn't escape. The only thing you can do… is move forward. I don't know what choices you'll make in the future… but know that I'll support you. I'll be there. That's my new promise to you," because it occurs to Tifa that her old promise was a bit cruel, the longings of a girl who just wanted her dear friend to stay, who asked a childish promise about heroes instead of saying I want you to stay with me, "I promise that I'll be by your side, supporting whatever you do. I promise that I'll be there."
She doesn't deserve the way he looks at her, with awe and reverence and this tenderness she doesn't understand.
"Okay. I promise too," he says, even though she didn't ask him too.
"You don't have to do that," she lightly scolds him. "It's my promise to you, so I can take care of you."
"I know. But… I want to."
She sighs against him. "Do what you want then." As long as it makes him feel better.
Tifa falls asleep, not noticing his watchful eyes… or the soft press of his lips against her hair.
:
"Our first stop is going to be the shopping district above the plate!" Aerith dances on her feet. "You two go buy us our tram tickets up top and we'll save you a spot in line!" Aerith orders Zack and Cloud, then escapes with Tifa on her arm.
Zack and Cloud exchange amused looks and do what she says.
"So?" Aerith whispers to Tifa, "How's Cloud holding up?"
Tifa lets out a breath. "Better. We talked last night… he's still dealing with it, but he's better."
Aerith nods, knowing not to press too much. "It's SOLDIER, isn't it? It's getting to him."
Tifa's shoulders slump down. "Yeah… I think it is."
Solemnly, Aerith notes, "Zack's the same too. Cloud's outburst last night… it really bothered him. Zack was really… tense. He didn't sleep last night…"
Tifa had no idea. Zack seems too happy for nightmares.
"You know," Aerith continues, "I think the pen pal system is the only thing they have to look forward to when they're working. Isn't that sad?"
It is, Tifa silently agrees. Even sadder, Tifa can somewhat relate. For a while, the letters were the only thing she looked forward to…
With determination, Aerith nods. "Then let's make this the best summer of their lives. Then they'll have to come back and visit us."
And maybe stay, she doesn't say.
:
The tram ride up top the plates never gets boring for Tifa. Although part of her resents those up top for organizing Midgar in this way, she can't deny the gorgeous view of the skyline and the city from the tram's glass windows. Ever since mako reactors began malfunctioning all over Gaia, Shinra has had to rely on other ways of generating power by using electricity powered by renewable sources like wind and solar energy, making things like the tram more accessible and cheaper for those below. Things aren't perfect, there's still corruption with Shinra and war…
But it's better.
Tifa doesn't know what she would have done if Shinra kept making mako reactors, the reactors that killed her family. She really doesn't know…
Cloud sits close to her, his body shielding her from other eyes. He has an arm settled casually against the back of her seat, like he belongs there, and Tifa's tense shoulders relax as she leans her head back. He looks younger, bathed in real sunlight, a twitch of his lips hinting at a smile. She needs to make sure he gets more sunlight while he's here…
For now, she'll enjoy this.
:
Tifa and Aerith put on their best smiles, leading Zack and Cloud through all the best sites in Midgar. Though Zack and Cloud have been here before, training, Zack confessed that they only really checked out the bars for a good drink and not much else. Eagerly, Tifa points out the new green spaces, opened up to promote cleaner air, smiling at the kids running around. Aerith pulls them over to the greenhouses set up with flowers, going on rants about properly plant care until Zack tells her that when they move in together someday, they can have all the plants they want.
Needless to say, Aerith drags Zack to a private corner for yet another heavy kiss.
Tifa can only laugh, while Cloud rubs the back of his neck awkwardly.
They take Zack and Cloud to the best barbeque place up top, tucked in a little corner of Wutai-Town, and then venture to the wishing fountain, where a statue of two genderless figures stand in an embrace. People from all over the country come to this fountain, rumoured to be built by the Ancients, just to throw in their gil and wish. The view from the fountain isn't bad, especially with the recently added greenery. It's a popular date spot for couples and friends.
"Now, don't tell anyone, but I honestly think this fountain works better when you offer up flowers instead, so…" Aerith pulls out some of her pressed flower bookmarks for each of them, "Go ahead and try it! And maybe, this time you'll actually make a wish, Tifa."
Cloud stares at her curiously and Tifa rolls her eyes. "She's just upset that I didn't want to waste her precious flowers on a wish."
"Hence the pressed flowers this time. I came prepared."
"And I… didn't really have any wishes at the time."
Lies. Tifa has so many wishes, for Aerith's happiness, for Marlene to grow up healthy and safe, for Barret to forgive himself, for Elmyra's and Marle's continued presences, for Master Zangan's safe journey. But nothing for herself. The year that she and Aerith could afford to go up top to the wishing fountain, Tifa had still been grieving her father. She didn't think she deserved any wishes.
But she and Aerith don't tell Cloud that.
"Well, I'm sure now you do!" Aerith winks. "So go ahead, make a wish! I'm going to show Zack the dreaming pool."
"Of course." Aerith loves the dreaming pool, water that can show you images of your desires… about…twenty percent of the time. Around Aerith though, it almost always works. There's nothing Aerith loves more than visiting up top to see the fountain.
"Have fun! Stay safe!" Tifa calls after her.
Now alone with Cloud, Tifa suddenly feels shy. Just be you, she tells herself, just be. And she holds out her hand.
Warmth in his gaze, Cloud takes her hand.
"Does Aerith make a lot of these?" Cloud asks, indicating to the dried pressed flowers tied to the bookmark.
"Yup," Tifa says fondly, "I help her on weekends. She always feels terrible when her flowers wither, so I suggested that she should press them into bookmarks. They're a popular buy in Sector 5 and Sector 7, some preserved beauty to look at in the dark."
"Oh…" Cloud frowns at the flower.
Tifa laughs. "If you're wondering what kind they are, they're lilies. They're symbols of reunion. Lovers would give them to each other when they were reunited…"
"…Then here."
Tifa blinks up at him, confused by the bookmark presented to her.
"For you," he clarifies.
"Cloud, I can't take this. It's for your wish and Aerith gave it to you—"
"So it's mine to do whatever I want with. Now you'll get two wishes."
This man! How can he say such things with a straight face and not internally combust?!
"I really don't think that's how it works."
"Sure, it is."
"I might wish for your hair to turn blue."
"Then blue it is."
She tries to hide her smile, it doesn't work.
Tifa holds both pressed lily bookmarks to her chest. "What about you? What would you wish for?"
"Nothing," he looks at the fountain, his stance calm and content. "My wish already came true."
Tifa's eyes widen. "What was your wish?"
He glances at her. "Seeing you."
Oh no, she thinks, overwhelmed with all of her emotions, by the calm way Cloud says these things to her. Oh no, oh no, oh no, she is not falling in love. She is not.
She turns her head away, clenching the bookmarks tightly. "That's cheating."
"Really?" he huffs in amusement.
"You can't just use a wish from long ago. You have to find a new wish now."
"And what about you? What do you wish for?" Cloud steps closer, using his fingers to brush back her bangs just the way she likes.
"I… I don't know…" Tifa's head is spinning. She doesn't know what she wants. Cloud smiling, Cloud happy, Cloud here with her. "I guess I don't have a wish either."
"Then… let's just toss in the flowers at the same time, and pray our future wishes come true. That works, right?"
Tifa presses her head against his shoulder, trying to hide her blush. "Sounds perfect."
Quietly, she wishes that all of Cloud's dreams come true.
They don't see any magical images in the fountain, just the two of them, their reflections holding hands, but Tifa can only hope.
:
The four of them spend the rest of the day at the shopping district. Tifa and Aerith don't buy much, saving their money for their eventual plans to move to Costa Del Sol. But Tifa does indulge Aerith in trying on clothes and trying to wheedle the guys into doing the same. Zack happily tries on anything Aerith wants, posing dramatically to her delight. Tifa only feels brave enough to put different hats on Cloud, laughing at his unimpressed face.
They leave from their next destination, a popular ice cream parlor, when Tifa sees the protest at the Mako Day Memorial. Mako Day is what the country calls the day all the Mako Reactors became unstable and just… exploded, killing so many people down below. Shinra spent millions rebuilding Midgar as fast as possible but it wasn't the same, Tifa is told. So many small towns just wiped away… gone… and no one knows why.
Was it terrorism? If so, then how did all the reactors just explode at the same time? Was it a divine omen?
People were angry. They pointed fingers, blamed Shinra, blamed each other. Shinra was pressured into creating alternate sources of energy, instead of mako. Since then, Shinra has worked on building an image that is more planet-friendly. But still, people distrust the organization, preferring to build their own mini generators based on running circuitry than rely on Shinra's energy and the instability of mako.
The world is so different now.
"The planet was fighting back!" The lead protestor shouts from on top of the memorial, a statue of a reactor holding up several families of people. "We were being punished by nature, for stealing from the lifestream! It was what we deserved! And now Shinra wants to return to the days of before. Those 'renewable' sources of energy are just cover-ups for new mako reactors that Shinra is building in secret! Stop relying on Shinra and repent before the planet swallows us up too—"
Ice fills Tifa's veins as she drops her ice cream, the cool treat sticking to her shoes.
"Tifa—" Aerith says in alarm.
"I… I have to go," she turns around, going anywhere, far far away from the protests, from the words that people have whispered. They deserved it, they deserved to die, the planet told them they had to die—
"Tifa wait!"
She barely gets farther than the next block when Cloud catches up to her, spinning her into his arms. She shakes her head, not wanting him to see her tears, but he just whispers, "Tifa," in that broken, desperate way, the way he did when he found her after the fall, that Tifa just bursts into tears.
"They didn't deserve to die!"
He stills, then tucks her in closer, his head against her neck. "No, they didn't."
"None of them did. Your mom, my dad… I… I saw their bodies. I tried to get them out from the wreckage. Dad's hand was just stretched out, he was looking for me, maybe he could have gotten away if he hadn't tried to look for me…"
"Tifa…"
"Maybe the reactors exploded because of the planet's wrath. I can accept that. But I can't accept that they deserved it. My dad, your mom, they had nothing to do with the reactors and they just… died. All of them gone, in one instant, and I couldn't do anything."
His grip on her is almost suffocating.
"Please tell me that Shinra isn't building more mako reactors on the side, I don't… I don't think I could stand it…"
Cloud steps back, hands firm against her shoulders, so he can look her in the eye. "They're not. I promise you, they're not. And if they are, I'd stop them. You know I would."
Tifa tries to smile, despite her tears. "Yeah, I know you would." He lost just as much as her when the reactor exploded. "I just… I don't want to lose you either."
Not when they just found each other.
Cloud says nothing. He doesn't promise that he'll always be there, Tifa wouldn't want to hear it. They both know that life can be cruel and random and good people die for no reason. Instead, he pulls her back against his chest and kisses the top of her head. He holds her until her tears stop and somehow… it's enough.
:
When her tears stop, Cloud quietly walks her back to the tram. He used his PHS to let Zack know that Tifa was safe and that they were headed back to Sector 7 first.
The walk back is subdued and Tifa can't help but think she ruined Cloud's vacation. So much for trying to add sunlight into his life…
And yet he's still here, walking by her side.
Tifa begins to chuckle, her voice still hoarse from crying. "Are you sure you want me around, Cloud? I'm… pretty broken."
To her surprise, he switches from holding her hand to wrapping his arm around her shoulder. "I don't know if you've noticed," he whispers, "but I'm pretty broken too."
Ah, Tifa closes her eyes against him. Then they'll be broken together.
:
Aerith and Zack are waiting for them at the tram station. Immediately, Aerith throws her arms around Tifa, shooing Cloud away for some 'Tifa time.' Bemused, Cloud goes over to talk with Zack in low tones.
"Are you alright? Do you need anything? What can I do?" Aerith looks Tifa up and down, inspecting her face and hands for any sign of injury.
Pure affection rushes through Tifa for Aerith. "I'm fine."
Aerith glares at her.
"Really, I am."
Aerith glares harder.
"Okay, I'm still… a bit numb. But I'm better. Cloud and I talked about it."
Aerith's glare softens. "I'm glad. You need to talk about it more. I worry about you so much."
Tifa hugs her again, warm and close. "I love you."
Aerith's laugh soothes her heart. "I love you too, Teef. He's good for you."
She looks up, meeting Cloud and Zack's worries gazes from across the tram station. "I think Zack's good for you too."
"Good." Aerith pulls back. "We both deserve to heal, don't you think?"
Tifa looks down at her feet. "Sometimes… I'm not so sure. About me, I mean. Healing. I survived, Aerith, and so many people didn't. Sometimes… I'm not so sure why I did."
"Oh Tifa," Aerith strokes her hair, "I don't think we'll ever know why Mako Day happened. Maybe it was the planet's will, maybe it wasn't. But tragedies happen, and look at you, you've grown so much because of it. You don't need to worry about forgiveness… because there's nothing to forgive. I'm sure your family would say the same. So just live."
"Is it really that simple?"
Aerith wraps her arms around her. "No. I don't think so at all. But I'm with you. We all are."
She spends the tram ride home holding onto Aerith, not noticing Cloud's frown on the way down…
:
That night, Tifa thinks about Aerith's words, about healing, about wishes. She thinks of all the years she spent, silently hating herself, trying to create a home. She thinks about nightmares, about seeing her dad and Mrs. Strife's bodies crushed against all that rubble, disfigured and ripped apart.
She tosses and turns, unable to sleep, chased by memories every time she drifts off.
I'm pretty broken too… he told her.
Doesn't Cloud deserve to heal? Doesn't Tifa too? If she keeps this distance between them both, what if she regrets it later? What if he gets hurt in the line of duty? What if she loses him?
Tifa stands up and marches to the door.
She's going to go find Cloud, and then… and then…?
She hovers in front of her door for a moment and closes her eyes. "Don't think, Lockhart, just do what feels right."
With determination, she opens the door, only to nearly walk into Cloud standing there with his fist half raised in an attempted knock.
Cloud gapes at her, looking so boyish and young, so much like that boy who promised to return to her, that Tifa can't help but open her door wider, gesturing for him to come in.
He stands there, conflicted for several tense breaths, before he seems to see something in her eyes, and he follows her inside.
They tiptoe across the room, connected by their hands, buried under these heavy unspoken fears until they reach the bed. Tifa scoots in, all the way to the side and guides him towards her.
Wordlessly, she lifts up the covers, and he crawls beside her, his legs settling against hers. She tries not to react to his every touch, to the way his breath hitches when she presses her arm against his. There's some hesitation before Cloud hurriedly pulls her close, encasing her like she's a fragile treasure, and they curl up together, warm at last.
Some things… don't need words to heal, Tifa thinks as her eyes lower to the count of his heart. Some things don't need words at all.