I'm so excited to get this chapter up! I hope I was able to convey the vision in my head accurately.

Thank you to my beautiful reviewers, I wouldn't still be here if it weren't for you xx

Chapter 26 – lavender and rosemary

Matsuri is limping and covered in welts by the time I call an end to the session. Her first attempt at hand-to-hand against a proper opponent. She didn't do well.

"That was pathetic," I tell her, a hard edge to my voice. "Have you learned nothing over the last three months? I don't see why I should bother with you, you're fucking useless."

Matsuri stands rigidly before me, hands clenched into fists at her sides, avoiding putting weight on her left foot. Blood is streaming from her nose and a cut in her lip, and a bruise is forming over both eyes. Devastation has settled in her irises at my words, and her breath is coming in short, staccato gasps.

"I – I'm sorry, Gaara," she says, a whimper in her throat. "I'll do... better… next time." Tears are in her eyes, but she's refusing to let them fall.

"Better? You'll have no choice. You keep being as useless as you were today and I'll give you back to Itachi so he can feed you to the dogs." There's venom in my voice. I've been too soft on her. My trainers whipped me bloody and starved me when I made even the slightest mistake. Maybe I should have taken that route with her.

She gives a short, jerky nod, and flees the room.

The slamming of the door behind her rings like finality in the room, and I card a shaky hand through my hair, all the tension evaporating from my body. My trainers had been cruel, and it had worked. But it made me despise them. I worked, not to please them, but to escape them. I would have given anything for a kind voice during my training.

I go after Matsuri, and find her weeping quietly in a corner. I sigh and sit beside her; she edges away from me.

"I'm not harsh because I want to be," I finally say after a moment. She huddles into a tighter ball. "I'm harsh because I've been given six months to train you. And if you're not ready in the end, Itachi will kill you. I don't want you to die. You deserve better than that."

She hiccoughs and looks at me with wet cheeks and bright eyes. "I keep wanting to do better," she says, her voice wavering. "But it's hard to want to do better when everything I do isn't enough. I just wish you weren't so mean all the time. It makes me want to give up."

I sigh again, and run my hands back through my hair. "I'll work on it, okay?"

She nods, and offers me the smallest hint of a smile. "Okay."

Neji and I manage a few hours of sleep that night, but when Hinata leaves her room the next morning it's obvious that respite wasn't shared.

She looks haggard, circles as dark as bruises staining under her eyes. The whites of her eyes are red, and she looks unfocused. She slumps into a chair while I make her some tea. I had been planning on training her in some more hand-to-hand today, but it looks as if a gentle breeze could knock her over. I figure I'll run her through some forms instead. Hopefully she'll be able to keep up with those.

When Tenten exits the room, her eyes look haunted. She skips the tea and makes herself a strong coffee, which she downs in one go. Hinata sips her tea, the light tremors in her fingers causing ripples to appear in the surface.

"So what are we doing today?" she asks, her voice lifeless. It feels like she's going through the motions, clinging to a sense of normalcy and structure in the face of desolation.

"I was thinking I could go through some forms with you," I say slowly, watching her for any reaction. She doesn't even look at me. "Just keep it nice and simple."

"And I was thinking of doing some more shooting today," says Tenten, forcing enthusiasm into her voice. "Maybe try some new firearms."

Hinata nods her head, staring into her empty cup. "Okay," she says, then pushes herself out of her seat. Neji says nothing, but anxiety writhes in his eyes.

We go to the training room, and Hinata is so tired she can barely raise her arms. I try taking her through the forms, my voice low and encouraging, but I can see her getting frustrated when she has to repeat the same steps over and over because she keeps tripping. Neji calls a stop to it before she can burst into tears, and Tenten wisely decides to skip shooting. It's not safe, with Hinata in her current state.

Instead, we spend the rest of the day watching movies. Hinata leans into the couch, and I keep thinking she's finally fallen asleep, until I look at her and see her eyes blinking slowly, watching the screen in front of her without taking any of it in.

Neji sends Hinata to bed early that night, her tea spiked with one and a half sleeping pills. He looks almost green as he hands her the drink, and I wonder briefly if he's going to be sick. But if it works, it'll be worth it. If it helps Hinata get a full night's sleep, it'll be worth it.

I can almost hear the mantra emanating from him as Hinata drinks her tea and hands Neji back the empty mug. Tenten follows Hinata into her room, shooting Neji and myself a tense glance before closing the door.

It has to work. Please let it work.

Neji and I say nothing to each other as we take vigil on the couches.

It doesn't work.

Not an hour later, Hinata wakes, a piercing shriek filling the floor instantly. I can feel the blood drain from my face, and squeeze my hands over my ears in a futile effort to drown out the noise.

"No! You're dead! You're all dead! He's coming! The Demon's coming, he's going to kill you! He's going to kill me! Help! Someone please help me!"

I want to vomit, knowing that I'm the monster in her nightmares. Knowing that she's screaming and she's crying and the fireworks in her eyes have gone out and it's all my fault. Knowing that there's nothing I can do to help. Knowing that the only reason she trusts me is because she doesn't know.

It takes a while longer for Tenten to finally break through Hinata's hallucinations, and by the time she does I'm shaking. I don't know how much more I can take. Maybe I should have just killed her. It probably would have been kinder. At least she wouldn't be suffering like this.

Neji abruptly leaves the room and vomits into the kitchen sink. It takes all my strength to not follow him. But I have to be strong. We all do. Hinata needs us; needs us like air. She needs us to be strong because if we're weak we've given up. And if we've given up, then what is the point to all this? We're dead men walking.

I look at the counter over Neji's head. The ghostly numbers twist and taunt me, and I pale further.

One month. Thirty days. That's all I have left to save her, and I don't even know if she'll last that long. The bile rises back up my throat, and I swallow it down with difficulty.

I don't know how the fuck I'm going to do this.

When Hinata emerges the following morning, her eyes are glazed with exhaustion and her skin is so pale it's nearly translucent. Neji goes to make her a cup of tea, and Hinata goes to sit on the couch. She stumbles on the way, and I quickly reach out and catch her, holding her against me so she doesn't fall.

Her whole body is shaking so violently I'm surprised she can stand at all. Hinata bursts into tears, clutching at my shirt, and I try to soothe her with whispered nonsense. I run my fingers up her back and over her shoulders, and gently guide her to the couch, helping her sit down.

"I… I c-can't do th-this anym-more," she sobs quietly, her tears soaking through my shirt. Neji, alerting to her distress, stops making the tea and rushes over to us, trying to figure out how to help. Tenten emerges from Hinata's room, her face gaunt.

"I'm s-so t-t-tired," Hinata says, a yawn escaping her lips. She doesn't let go of my shirt, and I hold her tighter, giving what comfort I can. Neji's hand joins mine on her back, desperately trying to soothe her. "I wish that th-this would j-just end," she continues, burying her face further in my chest. "One w-way or the o-other, I j-just want it t-to b-be over."

"I know," says Neji consolingly. His voice is kind and gentle and understanding, and he looks like he's on the verge of tears himself. "We're going to figure this out."

"H-how?" Hinata demands, then sobs harder. I run my fingers through her hair, at a complete loss. "M-maybe you sh-should just let me out on the s-street and l-let the D-D-Demon k-kill me."

"That is never going to happen," spits Neji as he tries to reign in his anger. "Over my dead body. The Demon will never hurt you again."

I silently agree with him, and hold her tighter. If I can do nothing else, I can do this. Eventually her sobs lessen and she turns around in my arms, looking blearily at Neji. "I d-don't want to d-do anything t-today," she says quietly as she stifles another yawn.

"We don't have to do anything," I quickly reassure her, continuing to run my fingers through her hair. "We can just sit here and watch movies if you'd like."

She nods and leans against me, turning to the television. Neji shoots me a worried glance, then goes to resume making Hinata some tea. Tenten leaves the room, and a few minutes later I hear the lift open and her get in.

"Where has Tenten gone?" I ask Neji as he brings the cup over to Hinata. She takes it in trembling fingers and starts sipping at it.

"To continue hacking into the Uchiha database, I'd imagine," says Neji, sitting on the opposite couch and turning on the television. "She's not good with this sort of stuff. She probably feels like that's all she can do right now."

I nod, feeling dread settle in the pit of my stomach, and I hold Hinata just that little bit closer.

Tenten returns in time to make dinner, which we all eat silently. Neji doesn't make Hinata a cup of tea before she heads to bed, Tenten in tow, and I look at him with questions in my eyes.

"I can't keep giving her those pills," he says to me. "I've given her a week's worth of medication in three days. At this rate I'll end up killing her before I get her to sleep. They're not working, so what's the point?"

I silently agree with him, but turn worried eyes on Hinata's door anyway. It's going to be a rough night.

And even though I know they're coming, it doesn't lessen how horrible her screams sound when they eventually slice through the air. I close my eyes, and wonder how they keep managing to somehow get worse each time. I can hear Tenten trying desperately to pacify her, and can hear that it's not working.

I go to press my hands against my ears, but Tenten's voice goes sharply from soothing to frightened.

"Hinata, what are you doing? Hinata, stop! Stop, it's me, it's Tenten! I'm not going to hurt you!"

"No! No you're dead! Get off me! Get off me! Help! Help me!"

Tenten's voice becomes desperate, and Neji and I look at each other with wide, frightened eyes. "Hinata, it's me, I'm not dead! I'm not – ow! Ow, Hinata stop! Stop! Neji! Neji get in here, help!"

Neji bolts to Hinata's door, flinging it open so violently I can see inside for a brief moment. Hinata is halfway out of her bed, and is fighting Tenten with all the strength she possesses. Tenten's arms shield her face, unable to defend herself and restrain Hinata at the same time.

I stay glued to the chair, heart hammering so violently in my chest it hurts, wanting to help but having no clue how.

Her door bounces off the wall and closes itself just as Neji reaches the pair, and he starts trying to restrain Hinata.

Her screams go from terrified to hysterical, and I can barely breathe from the frenzied thrumming in my chest. My lungs feel shredded, and I can hear the sound of a brutal fight going on behind her door. Neji and Tenten are both yelling, trying to break through Hinata's nightmare, but it's not working. With every passing second it gets worse, and I can feel anxiety claw its way through my throat. I gag on bile, and will myself to not be sick.

"Gaara! Help!" Neji's shout breaks me from my stupor, and I stand on shaking legs, my mind drawing a blank. Slowly I open the door, looking around her room to find Hinata huddled in a ball in the far corner, pressing herself into the wall as far from Neji and Tenten as she can get. Her pale eyes are glassy with her nightmare, and every time Neji or Tenten moves even a fraction closer, she screams in horror.

Neji looks at me, desperation a haze in his eyes. "We can't get close," he chokes out at me. "She starts to attack us any time we do."

I look at him with wide eyes, having no idea what to do. What can I possibly do that they haven't already? I close my eyes, trying to think for a moment, clutching at even the faintest whiff of an idea, and remember our conversation from that night.

"What do you dream about?"

"The Demon. It's always the same. It's just this figure of smoke in my dreams. Neji is there, and he's been shot more times than I can count. When he dies, Tenten appears next to me, cut to pieces, and she dies too. Lately you've been there too but then the Demon stabs you in the middle…"

And her screams, that we're dead, that we're all dead. And I've been stabbed in the middle, and her dreams have gotten worse, but the gist is the same.

I quickly pull my shirt off, over my head, grasping at the only idea I can think of. It's a testament to Neji's desperation that he doesn't even question it.

I get down onto the ground and slowly inch my way toward her, keeping my eyes fixed on hers. "It's alright, Hinata," I say quietly, carefully moving towards her. "I'm not dead, see? I haven't been stabbed." I gesture to my stomach, and her eyes dart there quickly, then settle back on my face.

"No, no," she says, her voice breaking. "No, you're dead, I can see the hole."

I shake my head, and move myself a little closer. "No, it's just a nightmare, Hinata. It's not real. The Demon hasn't got me. I'm right here."

She closes her eyes and grimaces, denying my words. A tear slips out from beneath her lashes. "I saw you die," she says, her voice a pained whisper. "I saw you die, you're dead, I can see the hole, you're dead." She's openly crying, tears cracking their way over her cheeks.

I'm close enough to touch her, but she hasn't attacked me yet, which I take as a good sign. I shuffle just that little bit closer, until I'm only inches from her. "I'm not, see? I promise I'm not. I'm here. I'm right here, and I'm not hurt. Let me show you." Gently, keeping my eyes fixed on hers, I take her hand from where it's curled around her knees, and bring it to my stomach. She shudders as she touches my skin, and her hand is like ice. I feel the muscles in my stomach jump at the contact, but I don't take my eyes off hers. "See? There's nothing there. It's just a nightmare, Hinata. I'm not hurt."

Her eyes leave my face to watch her hand, looking for the stab wound that isn't there. Her fingers traverse the planes of my stomach, and I force myself to stay still, so as to not startle her.

"See? Nothing there. I'm okay. We all are." I take her hand back in mine and guide it up to my chest, over my heart. "See? It's still beating. I'm alive. I'm here. I'm okay. The Demon hasn't got me, it's just a bad dream."

The glaze of her nightmare starts to fade from her eyes, and she chokes out a sob. "Gaara?" she murmurs, her eyes finding mine.

I manage to give her a smile. "Hey," I say, my hand still over hers where it's held over my heart. "You had a bad dream again."

Her tears spill over again, and she crawls into my arms, sobbing against my chest. I shift and lean by back against the wall, gathering her to me. "You're okay," I say to her, rubbing circles over her back. "You're alright, I'm here, you're safe."

She places her ear against my chest, listening to my heartbeat, and I rest my chin on her head. "I watched you die," she whispers, weeping softly. "I watched you die every night."

I look up at Neji and Tenten, who are rooted to the ground, and indicate that they should go. Tenten does so after a minute, and a moment later Neji nods at me, then leaves quietly, shutting the door behind him.

"I know you did," I say back, continuing to trace circles on her back. "But it was just a nightmare. It wasn't real. I'm here, I'm alive. I'm not hurt."

She places her hand back on my stomach and takes a deep breath. I'd never noticed that she smells of lavender and rosemary before, and breathe her in, holding her tighter.

"Will you stay?" she breathes against my skin, and I manage a small smile.

"For as long as you need me," I reply. She nods, and within seconds falls asleep. After shifting into a slightly more comfortable position, I close my eyes and follow her.

Hinata wakes twice that night, panic in her eyes, but both times I lean her back against my chest and press her hand to my stomach, and tell her that it's okay, that I'm here, that I'm unhurt.

That I won't leave her.

I don't even have to pretend when I say it. For as long as she needs me, I'm here. She's the only good thing I have. Anything else that's good is just a by-product of her. She never needed to be scared of the Demon; it was me who ought to have been scared of her. I lean against the wall and rub circles in her back and feel at peace for the first time since I can remember.

She doesn't properly wake until early that afternoon, and I'm pleased to see the spark of fireworks back in her eyes. She flushes as she realises she's slept in my arms, held against my naked chest, and untangles herself from me.

The moment she's gone I feel the cold of her absence, and my fingers twitch in mimicry of pulling her back.

"Feeling better?" I ask her, smiling lightly.

She nods in response, a pretty blush staining her cheeks. "Thank you, Gaara," she says, and leans forward to kiss my cheek, then scurries off to her bathroom.

As I stand and pull my shirt back on, I take a moment to look around her room. On my left are the heavy curtains concealing her windows, and on my right is her bed. In front of me is her music stand with her flute, and to the right of that is her door, leading to the rest of the apartment. Following that wall leads to her en-suite, and circling around to the other side of her bed is a little study nook, with a desk, her computer, a chair and two bookshelves. On her bedside table is a picture of her and someone who can only be Hanabi. I pick up the picture.

I've never seen Hinata look as happy as she does in that picture. Her long midnight hair trails down her back, and her moonlight eyes are crinkled in laughter. She seems to be attempting to teach Hanabi how to fly a kite, if the string in their hands is any indication. Hanabi looks similar to Hinata in their facial structure, though their colouring differs slightly. Hanabi's hair is a sleek raven black, and her eyes are the same pale white of Neji's. I put the photo down as Hinata comes out of the bathroom. She stares at me with wide eyes, her cheeks still flushed.

"I think I'd like some breakfast," she eventually says quietly, looking down at her twisting fingers.

I smile back at her. "I think it's closer to lunch, really. But I'm sure Tenten will make you breakfast if you ask."

She nods, not looking up from her hands. She doesn't move for the door. "What… what happened last night?" she eventually asks, her voice so quiet I barely hear her.

I think about how to word it in such a way that it won't upset her. "You… your nightmares got really bad. You started lashing out. Tenten called in Neji when she couldn't restrain you, and it just made it worse. They called me in because they couldn't get close to you without you… lashing out at them. I remembered what you told me the other night, when you kept dreaming that I was getting stabbed in my stomach."

Hinata shudders at that, but nods at me to continue.

"It gave me the idea that if I could show you I wasn't hurt that it might calm you down. I guess it worked." I shrug, trying to act unperturbed. "You fell asleep shortly after."

She nods as if my story has confirmed something for her, then smiles at me. "It did help. Thank you." Hinata stifles a yawn with her hand. "Want to get some breakfast?" she asks me, and I nod and follow her out of the room.

Tenten isn't outside when we leave her room, but Neji jumps to his feet to inspect Hinata the moment she exits the door.

"I'm alright, Neji," she says tiredly before he can fire questions at her. "Just a little hungry."

Neji looks at her carefully for a moment, then nods and goes to make her some toast and a cup of tea. I go to pour myself some cereal.

"So… what happened last night?" Neji asks me, low enough that Hinata can't hear. I look back at her, where she's tracing patterns in the wood of the dining table with her finger.

I hesitate before telling him. "She told me a while ago that in her dreams I get stabbed in the stomach. I don't know why, I just thought that if I could prove to her that I hadn't been stabbed, it might calm her down. I guess it worked."

Neji says nothing as he seeps the teabag and adds in the honey. Eventually, he says: "Look, I won't say I'm glad that it's you who was able to calm her down, but I will say I'm glad she was able to get some sleep. She feels safer with you than she does with me or Tenten. I think I've just been denying that fact to myself. It's hard to admit to myself that she feels safer with someone she's barely known for two months than she does with me, someone she's known her whole life. But after these last few nights… I can't risk her safety for my pride. Hinata's my cousin. She's blood. So whatever you've got to do to help me keep her alive, do it. We're stronger united than we are divided."

He takes Hinata her toast and tea without giving me a chance to respond, and I slowly eat my cereal in the kitchenette, unwilling to sit down with them.

Finally winning Neji's trust makes the cereal taste like ash in my mouth. Mainly because I know I don't deserve it. And because any day now, Tenten could find out who I am, and everything could fall apart. Would they listen to me, if I told them I'm on their side? If I said I want to keep Hinata alive, not kill her?

I don't know if I'd be able to handle the betrayal in Hinata's eyes if she ever found out.

Hinata finishes her breakfast and gets to her feet. "I think I'm going to go back to bed," she yawns, pressing her hand to her mouth. "It's been a long last few days." She gets halfway to her door before she looks back at me. "Will you come with me?" she asks, uncertainty in her eyes. "You don't have to, I just… I just don't want to be alone."

My heart jumps into my throat, and I put my finished bowl into the sink. Neji gives me a resigned look as I walk past him, and Hinata closes the door behind me.

I feel inexplicably nervous, as if I didn't just spend the night with her in my arms.

"What… do you need?" I ask after a pregnant pause.

Hinata has gone very red, and can't seem to meet my eye. "I – I think listening to you heartbeat helped. If… if we could do that again, that should work, I think."

"Would you like my shirt on or off?" I ask, feeling an awkward lump in my throat.

Hinata flushes scarlet, and fiddles nervously with her fingers. "I… I don't know. Whichever you prefer."

I study her for a moment, then shrug it off. "In case you need reassurance that I haven't been stabbed," I explain, then lie down on the bed. Hinata chokes out a laugh, and then, her steps stilted, follows me to the bed. She looks nervous, and I pull her down next to me, settling her head over my heart and her hand on my stomach. "You need to breathe," I remind her, and she heaves in a stuttering breath. "And relax," I add, seeing she's as tense as a slingshot. I rub circles into her back, and pull her further into my arms, feeling a wave of lethargy sweep over me. And eventually we fall asleep, the smell of lavender and rosemary in my nose.

Finally some proper GaarHina fluff for you guys! I hope you liked the chapter, it took a few tries to get it right. This one has been in my head in various forms since before I posted the first chapter. It was nice to finally get it out!

I don't know if I'll get out another chapter before I go away, but I will aim to. If not, I won't be updating until February, I'm sorry. I'll try to take my laptop with me though and write a little more while away. We'll see how we go.

Thank you for reading, reviews are always welcome, wanted, and appreciated.

All my love,

Alia xoxo