Chapter Five
I finally made it under the sheets in my bed. Sleep did not come easy and I tossed and turned most of the night. I gave up at 4:40am and after getting ready for work, I thought I would spend the remaining time before I left the house sorting through the household paperwork I'd left out on the coffee table. It was pointless to put it away given how much of it was still needed for the relocation, and soon required for my chat with Barry. There was only so much paper shuffling I could do however, so I decided to make my way into work early. I did not do well with idle hands and stress apparently.
I made it into work early enough to have time in a quiet office to set up a plan of action today for Lucas and Megan. It was completely pointless, but gave me something to focus on. Before I knew it, I was brought out of my zone when a cup of tea was placed gently in front of me. It took me a second to refocus and I lifted my head to see Marc leaning on the side of my desk. I must have completely zoned out as I noticed the other desks around me were mostly full, and Marc had clearly walked passed me at some point, divested himself of his jacket and bag, and walk back past me again to get the tea. I rubbed my face and reached out to take the steaming mug in hand.
"Hmmm, thanks Marc. What time is it?" I took a hearty swing, wincing slightly at the almost molten temperature.
"Just gone nine, how long have you been in?"
"Since just after seven. Jesus, where's the time gone?" I swung my head to my laptop to check the time. Yup, 09:13 flashed back at me. It was mildly disorientating to lose time like that, my lack of sleep wasn't helping either.
"You look like shit. Not sleep well?" He prodded. It was a sincere question, and I could tell it was more than a simple enquiry to my sleeping patterns by his tone.
I squinted up at him. "Not really, worrying you know. But, I don't want to think about that right now." It was a gentle rebuff, he was OK to ask, but I had just spent my night wrapped up in everything, I wanted work to be the distraction right now.
"Cool, well you know where I am if you want a chat." He stood with a smile and bumped my chair as he walked off.
"Fucker." I whisper shouted at him as I nearly spilt my tea. He just walked off laughing, putting a smile on my face.
As I turned back to my laptop I saw Megan making her way over to my desk, laptop and notepad in hand ready to continue our hand over.
"Hi Kate, Lucas will be in later, he's got a doctors appointment he forgot about." She giggled. She looked like a stereotypical blonde, and her bubbly personality came across pretty airhead like on first impressions, but she was a smart as a whip. My accounts would be in safe hands with her, and I knew she'd keep Lucas in line. His approach to work was a little more slap dash than I liked, but he got results.
We worked side by side for most of the morning, with Lucas joining us about half ten, by the end of the day, other than a few questions here and there, both were working seamlessly with my accounts. It made me worry that my job came across easier than expected, but Marc assured me that it's only because of my organisation and training methods could someone walk into my role so smoothly.
"If it was Lucas… Jesus, it would take a month just to get your head round his filing system. I'm not sure how he functions. Megan is the only thing keeping him in check as they use the same programs and files." Marc commented as we waited for the lift on our way home that evening. He impatiently jabbed the call button again, staring at the floor numbers as they moved further away from our floor.
"So, tomorrow, come straight to my office, we'll start going through the new plant proposal, and hiring requirements. I'll try and get you up to speed for the meeting on Friday."
"Do we know who's coming Friday?" It was a pointless question really, I could just wait for tomorrow to read the brief, but I was trying to take my mind off my rolling stomach. I may have asked the question before, but my mind was like a sieve right now, I couldn't focus on anything but my next steps. Go home, get Dad's car, go round Carol's confront Marc. Simple.
"It's the Chief, and two of their Elders. There was a fourth meant to come but something cropped up, they didn't say. Guy's pretty old from what I know so might be ill health.
"OK. Cool." Conversationalist extraordinaire right there Kate. Marc gave me a little shoulder check and I turned my head to him.
"You going to be OK?" He asked. "I can be your backup if you need it?" I shook my head.
"No, I need to do this myself, ya know? Once it's done, it's done. I just need to put a line under it."
"Well, I'm just a call away anyway. Send me a message once you finish and are on your way to mine OK?" I just nodded.
The train ride home was quiet, Marc left me to my own thoughts as he played with some app on his phone. I just stared idly out the window. We waved 'bye' when we parted ways at our different stops, and it wasn't long before I found myself wandering down my street.
I shoved my hand in my bag and began to hunt for my house keys, when I noticed a car on the drive. Richard's car. He was home.
Why wasn't he at his Mum's. He said he would be at his Mum's.
I felt a surge of adrenaline that was completely excessive for the situation. I could feel my heart pounding in my chest as I reached the front door, keys in hand. The dead bolt was not set when I tried the lock, so I knew he was in the house, and hadn't just left the car here as I weakly hoped for.
I made my way into the house, and towards the living room. It was dark as the curtains were still closed from last night; I hadn't opened this morning when I left for work. I could see his outline from the doorway, he was on the sofa, back to the hallway, leaning over the coffee table. I took a quiet but deep breathe and walked purposely over to the windows to fling the curtains open.
Steeling myself I turned to face him. Nothing, other than that flicker of anger was present. Good.
He was watching me with a calculating look, probably trying to figure out how to play this. I wasn't quite sure myself. Did he want to make this work? Did he want to break it off? I honestly didn't know.
"Why's the mortgage paperwork out Kate?" Nice to see you too Richard.
"Hi Richard, nice work trip?" I removed my bag from my shoulder and dumped it on the chair closest to me. I remained standing, arms crossed.
"It was fine." He frowned, probably confused that I wasn't playing his game. "Why's this all out on the table?" He said again.
"Why do you think Richard?" I cocked an eyebrow and shifted my weight to one hip. Lets see if he wants to make the connection, because I knew, I could see it in his eyes, the cogs turning. He dropped his head and let out a deep sigh.
"Look, Kate, I'm sorry OK, it will never happen again." He lifted his head and I could have sworn he must have been practicing doing puppy dog eyes. It was kind of pathetic to be honest. I might have even laughed if that ball of rage wasn't expanding into a mini supernova.
"Oh yes. It's definitely not going to happen again." I replied. A look of relief crossed his face and he stood from the sofa.
"Oh, thank God. You don't know how bad I feel. I swear it was the only one time, the bitch was lying, honest Kate." He approached me then, arms out as though he was going to hug me. It looked pretty awkward, and I realised we never hugged each other anymore. How odd, I frowned at the thought.
"Honest? OK, well, it doesn't actually matter anymore." He looked confused at that and dropped his arms when I didn't open mine to accept the hug. "We need to sell the house, that's why the paperwork is out." I gestured to the table, then refolded my arms. "Dad's getting me contact details for a property lawyer, or something, I can't remember the exact title, but he's going to help get this place sorted so we can sell it."
He looked more confused. This made me more angry for some reason and I took to focusing on regulating my breathing to keep a lid on exploding. He wasn't worth my energy anymore I reminded myself.
"Is there something wrong, why do we need to sell?" He looked around the room, like there was a visual reason for needing to sell. So, he was going to play the dumb card then. Best spell it out for him.
"House is fine Richard, apart from you fucking another woman in it." He blanched a bit at that, but I continued. "We're selling as I want nothing more to do with you. Now, unless you have the money to buy out my half, we are going to sell, then we'll never have to see each other again." I stood a little straighter and looked him in the eye waiting for his reply.
"But… Kate, I said I was sorry." He tried to move closer again and I stepped behind the chair next to me, making my stance clear. No touchy.
"I honestly don't give a fuck" he flinched at that. I rarely swore at him, it felt good. I might do it some more. "As I said, you don't have the money, so we sell."
"Kate, love, I'm sorry, it was a mistake-"
"Richard, love, I. Don't. Care." I interrupted. I took another breathe. The anger was making me a little bratty, I needed to rein that shit in.
"I'm meeting with the lawyer guy tomorrow, he's a friend of my Dad. You said you would be round your Mum's? You might want to pack another bag to take round with you." I hoped he'd take the subtle suggestion and move out in the meantime. He could be pig headed most times and do the opposite just to be a dick.
"Kate-"
"We should get good money for the house. I've started packing up my stuff, so there's less for me to worry about once I have to move out. If you wouldn't mind doing the same soon, it will make this easier, especially when you move in with your Mum's until you get your own place."
I walked back around the chair and picked up my bag again.
"I'm going out. You are welcome to start now."
"Kate-!" I ignored his call and made my way out the front door, closing it gently behind me. My hands were shaking slightly, mainly from the suppressed anger and residual adrenaline dump. I didn't feel as bad as I thought I would, and I let out a big sigh as I walked back down the pathway to make my way to my Dad's.
I hadn't made it out the gate onto the pavement before Richard threw open the front door.
"So, what? That's it? You're just walking out?" He sounded surprised. I spun on my heel and walked back up the path to the door.
"Would you keep your voice down! Or would you like the neighbours to know you were fucking another woman in our bed?" I hissed at him. He backed up, and I followed him into the house.
"What were you expecting Richard? Did you honestly think I'd just roll over and take this?!" I closed the door behind me with more force than I meant to, then strolled past him towards the kitchen, needing the space to walk. He followed a few steps behind and looked somewhat dazed.
"You did, didn't you?" I barked a harsh laugh. "Not only did you piss all over our relationship Richard, but you have no respect for me at all-"
"I do respect you Kate-"
"How the fuck do you come to that conclusion eh?" I spun my back on him and gripped the countertop. "You had sex, unprotected sex, with another woman, maybe just the one, maybe more, I don't know-"
"It was just the one, I promise-"
"Honest to God, it doesn't fucking matter! Once was enough!" I screamed at him spinning back around. "You had unprotected sex. You put both our health at risk. I spent a very embrarassing two hours in the local sexual health clinic having multiple tests done because you couldn't even do me the courtesy of breaking up with me first before banging another person, or, at a minimum, wear a fucking condom you moron!"
He at last had something akin to remorse show on his face, but I knew him too well. Like a kid caught red handed I could see that he was thinking of more excuses to try and worm his way out. Too late, the damage was done.
"I may be a doormat with your behaviour, letting you get away with shit your mother may have put up with, but if you think this will just slide, well you do not know me at all."
I stood and stared at him, daring him to keep protesting. I saw anger flit across his face which he quickly hid. I knew I had him then. There was no true remorse, it was all just an act. He was working out what to say that would save himself.
"What happened to you Richard?" I asked quietly, imploring with my tone. "Five years wasted. If you didn't want to be with me anymore, why didn't you just end it?"
He stood quietly chewing the inside of his cheek. After a long moment, without a word from him I knew I'd never get an answer from him. I rubbed my hand down my face and huffed a breath.
"OK, well, it's done now." I walked over to the fridge and pulled off the health clinic pamphlet and tossed it on the kitchen island in between us. "Here the details for the clinic. I strongly suggest you get tested." I went to move past him.
"Wait! Kate, was there… I mean, are you… clean?" I noticed his face had paled. Oh, I see, concerned now are we?
"My health is no longer a concern of yours. But, like it was a concern for you in the first place, eh?" I couldn't help the spiteful tone at end. Fuck him though. I'm still in limbo with some of the tests, he could have a taste of his own medicine.
"And another strong suggestion." I started walking back to the front door. "My Dad is fully aware of what you did, and in full support of selling the house so will be around often to help me out with stuff. I suggest you stay at your mother's and give me plenty of warning before you come around for any reason."
"Wait, this is my house too! You can't stop me from coming home!" He scoffed. I turned slowly giving me a moment to truly look at him.
"True, but do you want to risk running into my Dad?" I smiled at him with no humour. "He mentioned a few of his old Army buddies were in town, offered their moving services if I needed it…" I trailed off letting his face pale again. Yeah, all concerned when it's a risk to your health aren't you. Christ, what the hell did I see in him. This was not the same man I first went out with. Did he get a lobotomy on one of his trips?
"Besides," I let the rage leech into my voice "do you honestly think you have any moral right to be around me anymore? You did this Richard, not me. Any problems or fall out from this are squarely on your shoulders. I am done with us. I am done with you."
I gave him a scathing look up and down.
"You need to leave now. I'm going out. Go to your mother's, explain to her what you did and hope to god she doesn't kill you and lets you stay. I'm giving you five minutes to pack a bag."
He threw his hands in the air in a mark of exasperation, like I was being the unreasonable one.
"Kate, come on, I just got home-"
"Not my problem Richard. If you want to make it my problem I'm happy to call Dad to escort you out. As far as I'm concerned you lost all rights the moment you decided to cheat on me."
"You can't keep me from my own home Kate!" Now the anger was back for him. Yeah, Richard, not happy to sleep in that bed you made eh?
"You have no right to me angry at me! Remember YOU caused this! Be grateful I didn't have Dad waiting for you to come home tonight."
"He wouldn't dare touch me." He scoffed again, but the look on his face was one of uncertainty. I just raised my eyebrow at him and stayed quiet.
"Look, the quicker we can sell the house, the quicker we can go our separate ways and you can continue to bang Cindy, or Stacey or whatever the fuck she was called."
"Lorraine, and she's not taking my calls…" His face dropped the moment he spoke her name, but the words just followed. I stared at him incredulously. Did he honestly…
"What the actual fuck?" He winced again. Not at my language, no, at his slip.
"You've been in contact with her? Do you not comprehend what a dick move that is Richard?" My pitch rose with my utter disbelief. This could not be real right? Was he really that dense?
"Doesn't matter, she's not talking to me anyway." He retorted, almost petulantly. I snorted at that.
"Doesn't matter? Are you that retarded? You were… never mind. I'm done with this conversation." I flung my hand up in front of me. "Five minutes, pack what you need. Anything else you can come back tomorrow evening after 6pm to collect." I crossed my arms across my body and walked into the hallway, near the front door by the stairs. Richard, realising this was going nowhere, followed with a sigh and passed me to walk up the stairs. I followed him, not wanting him to do something petty, like flood the bathroom.
He reached the main bedroom and stopped when he saw the unmade bed and my stuff missing.
"Why…"
"What, did you think I was going to sleep in here? Imagine seeing you fucking that bitch everytime I walk in the door?" He wisely didn't say anything and reached under the bed to pull out one of the bigger suitcases. I watched for a few moments before walking back downstairs, finding his car keys, predictably, in the fruit bowl on the side table. I quietly removed the house key from his keyring and replaced the bunch back in the bowl, moving back upstairs. Richard was pulling underwear from the dresser at this point. He had the cheek to give me a mildly dirty look, mumbling about not needing to watched as he slid past me to the bathroom for his toiletries. I didn't react and just watched as he collected up his stuff.
It took just over ten minutes before he was standing at the front door. I walked past him and located his smaller travel case from his trip by the sofa, where he always dumped it for me to deal with.
"Here." I forced it into his hands.
"But, the stuff is worn and needs washing." He looked confused. I didn't know whether to laugh or hit him.
"And? Again, not my problem. Get Carol to wash it for you. I'm not your maid."
He took his sweet time lunging the two cases to the car, grumbling all the way. I swore I saw a couple of curtains twitch next door, but ignored it. I strolled back into the house, grabbed his keys, jacket and the clinic pamphlet and walked back up to Richard, shoving them into his hands.
"6pm tomorrow for the rest of your stuff." I turned on my heel once more, pulled the front door closed and locked it. Back down the path I didn't make further eye contact and turned right to make my way to Dads.
"Kate, come on…" He called, but I didn't turn back. I used the rage to fuel my walking, and made good time to my Dad's. I knocked and let myself in, finding the house quiet. Moving to the kitchen I found a note on the fridge.
'Kate, car keys are in the usual place, tank is full. Barry's info is by the sink. If you are going to be home late, keep the car, I can pick it up from yours tomorrow, just leave the keys out. Love you, Dad x'
I jotted a little 'thank you Daddy' note on the bottom of the paper and grabbed Barry's info and the keys from the hook on my way out. I jumped in the car and quickly fired off a text to Marc, letting him know I was on my way. It was close to 6:30pm, so we should be hitting the shopping centre just after 7pm. Google Maps was showing traffic was reasonable, and I set my phone up in the screen mount so I could follow navigation for the parts I didn't know.
I focused on the traffic and the car on the way to Marc's. I was on overload with the conversation with Richard and had honestly no bandwidth to deal with it right now. Action was good, it was taking my mind off. Clutch down, second gear, biting point, acceleration, into third, lights about to change, shift down, mirrors, braking...before I knew it, I was at Marc's. I was tempted to be obnoxious and honk for him, but he was already at the car door before I could look for a space. Luckily, traffic was light and no one honked me as I stopped and he jumped in.
"Well timed my dear, well timed." I pulled off as he did up his seat belt.
"Yeah, only as you were watching from the window, stalker." I smiled, keeping my eyes on a bus that couldn't decide what lane he wanted and was straddling both.
"Of course. So, what body of water are we going to? Lakeside or Bluewater?" He asked.
"Can you check the traffic on the M25?" We were almost equal distance from both on the other side of London.
"OK, Bluewater it is, there's traffic back up on the junction for Lakeside so best take M25 south." He sat back in his seat as I gave him a little salute.
The journey through the outskirts of town was quiet as I navigated London rush hour traffic. As soon as the wheels touched M25 tarmac Marc shifted in his seat to face me slightly.
"So, in order to be the supportive friend, you need to tell me everything."
I groaned in good humour. I was torn, not wanting to drag him into this and relive the shit show, but needing to get this off my chest at the same time.
"Where to begin…?"
I spend the next 30 minutes rehashing the conversation with Richard to Marc's eager ears. Apart from asking a couple of clarifying questions, he sat quietly letting me get it all out.
"...and then he said her name was Lorraine! I mean, can you fucking believe it?!" My voice rose at the end. The ever present ball of rage was tampered by my need to focus on driving. I saw Marc shake his head from the corner of my eye.
"He's a complete moron. He's really shown you his colours tonight. No remorse, just expecting you to carry on like nothing happened."
"Yes! Exactly!" I glad he said that, I was starting to think I'd entered the twilight zone by that point. By the time I'd pulled into a parking space, it was close to 7:30pm, and after the sleepless night, the stress of the past week and the confrontation with Richard, I was done.
"The worst part, he couldn't even tell me why he did it? Is there something wrong with me?" My voice broke at the end and I sucked in a sob, but like a dam had cracked, there was just too much to hold in. In the middle of a car park, with my best friend beside me I sobbed my heart out. Five years just… wasted on someone who didn't love me.
It took me about ten minutes to get myself under control. Marc quietly handing me tissues from the glovebox.
"Sorry, you didn't need to see that." I sobbed laughed. I was a state going by my reflection in the rear view mirror. Urg.
"It's fine. You ready to go in? Get cleaned up?" I nodded and we climbed out of the car. With it being midweek it was relatively quiet. As we walked towards the entrance, Marc gently took my upper arm and swung me to face him, enveloping me in a hug that razed my defenses again. I unashamedly hugged him back with some force as the emotions overcame me again. It once again reminded me that I missed having this simple human contact with someone without there being an alternative motive behind it.
After I completed my second sob fess, we walked into one of the entrances and Marc guided me to the nearby ladies bathroom. After peeing and cleaning up my face, and brushing my hair, I felt more human. It was strange, I felt better, lighter than I had all week, but also more fragile. I suppose I was in the grieving phase.
"Come on snotty, lets get some food." Marc took my arm and looped it through his and we made our way to the food court. "I fancy something Italian, what d'you fancy?"
"Italian's good. Fancy some carbs right now." I replied, looking for a suitable place.
"Good choice, this way." He abruptly changed direction and dragged me with him. We were seated almost instantly when we arrived, the perks of midweek, and once we had ordered and had drinks in hand, Marc spoke up.
"I'm proud of you, you know." he began "not many could hold their conviction once they confront someone like that." I didn't know what to say to that so I just waited, playing with my straw in my Coke.
"It had to be, what, nearly a week, and you've had a lot dumped on your plate in that time, you can start to question yourself. It can be too easy just to let it slide, try and get back what you had as it's easier than walking away from everything you know to start anew."
I nodded, kind of understand where he was coming from.
"Richard actually helped." I gently scoffed. "If he hadn't kept putting his foot in it, I might have been willing to hear him out at least."
"Well, I'm glad you didn't. For the sake of being honest, I never liked the guy, and I'm glad you ended it." He sat back in his seat. "I'll always be here to talk if you want. Even if it's just to rant and rave."
I smiled at him. "Thanks Marc. I'm kinda done now." He reached forward and grabbed my hand giving it a little squeeze. Then moved his hand back as our food arrived.
"No worries sweetheart. Now, eat up, there be shopping to do."
We made quick work of our dinner, idly chatting about work as we stuffed our faces. Once the bill was settled, we parted ways, planning to meet by the bathrooms near where we came in. I took about 40 minutes to get what I needed, but Marc had still beaten me back to the meeting point. After another quick pee stop, we were back in the car and on our way home soon after. Light traffic, and a lead foot meant we were back at Marc's in around an hour. After I dropped him off, promising to text once I was safely home, I decided to keep the car and made my way home.
It was after 10pm by the time I pulled into my driveway. Bags retrieved from the boot, I dragged myself to the front door, letting myself in and locking it behind me. The bags were unceremoniously dumped on the sofa and I fished out my phone to text Marc and Dad. I'd left my phone on silent from work and noticed I'd missed a text message from Richard asking why I had removed the house key from his keyring. I bet the fucker tried to get back in the house earlier. Again, no respect. I shook my head at him and ignored it, not bothering to reply.
I flopped on the chair by the window and rested my head back, closing my eyes. For the third time that day had a good cry to myself, fully letting the stresses of the past week roll over me. It was cathartic, and it would be the last time, I promised myself, that I would cry over Richard.