Michael/McDreamy is played by The McDreamy himself -Patrick Dempsey ;)
Chapter 5-Through The Fire
Going home without her baby was the hardest thing Olivia has ever had to do. She spends the evening staring at pictures of Jacob on her phone and has a bowl of cereal before going to bed. She doesn't sleep. She watches the clock and counts down the time until she can return to the hospital and see her baby. Her alarm goes off at seven and she hops in the shower and pumps since it's now safe for Jacob to have her breastmilk.
"Nice to see you," Jacob's nurse, Daniela greets.
Olivia pulls a couple packs of breastmilk out of her pump bag. "I managed to get a few ounces out."
"This is great. You're actually just in time because it's time for breakfast. We've been waiting for you to get here."
"Why, is something wrong?"
"No. In fact, he's been doing so well that he's ready for skin to skin."
"What's that?"
"It's when you hold him directly against your skin so his skin is touching yours."
"I can hold him?"
"Yup!" She picks up a gown. "You can go ahead and change into this. Just remove your shirt and have the open side to the front."
"Alright." Olivia quickly changes and returns and takes a seat in the rocking chair beside Jacob's incubator. Daniela takes him out and lays him against Olivia's exposed chest then covers him with a receiving blanket. "We're placing him in the Kangaroo Hold. It's been shown to help preterm babies improve faster along with the skin to skin. It will also help you two bond." The CPAP machine is still attached to his face and Daniela does her best to adjust it so that he can rest comfortably. "I'm going to go check on my other patients, but you let me know if you need anything."
"Thank you," Olivia says before watching the young nurse disappear. The baby has a thin layer of hair on his head and Olivia uses her finger to smooth it down then kisses the top of his head.
xXx
Olivia scrolls through her email responding to various issues here and there. Her insurance needs to be updated to include Jacob. Casey needs information about a case she had worked on that is now being appealed. Various bills are due. She glances up at the time. It's almost time for rounds. She tosses what's left of her turkey wrap and finishes off her bottled water before leaving the hospital cafeteria and heading for the elevators. She tries to log into her cable bill account but can't seem to remember the password. she is so engrossed in her phone that she doesn't notice the person walking her way also on her cell phone. The two collide in the middle of the hallway.
"So sorry," Olivia apologizes and continues on her way.
"Totally my fault. Wait, Olivia?"
Olivia pauses and turns to look at the young woman. "Maureen?"
"How are you?" Maureen asks as she Olivia.
"I'm great! What are you doing here?"
"I'm doing my internship for my social work license. What are you doing here?"
I just gave birth to your baby brother.
"You and Dad working on a case? Is he here?"
"No. It's just me."
"Is everything ok?"
"Yea, I just had a baby. He's up in the NICU."
"Oh my God! Dad never told us."
I bet he didn't.
"Is it ok? Sorry. Boy or girl?"
"Boy, and he's doing great. He was born ten weeks premature, but he's doing really well. I actually have to get up there. His doctor should be stopping by for rounds in a few minutes."
"Do you mind if I come too? I'd love to meet him."
"Ummmm…Sure. Follow me."
Your father is gonna shit a brick.
"He's so tiny!" Maureen exclaims as she peers down into the incubator. Rounds have passed. Much of the same, which means he isn't doing any better than he was the day before, but it also means he isn't doing worse. It's a small victory and Olivia will take it. "He's so cute!"
"Would you like to hold him?" Olivia offers.
"I don't know. What if I squeeze him too tight? I might break him."
"Nonsense." Olivia waves the nurse over.
"Who do we have here?" Daniela asks.
"This is Maureen. She's an old friend, but if anyone asks, she's my daughter," Olivia says, cognizant of the "Family Only" rule they have up in the NICU.
"Well, no one will hear it from me," she winks. "Would she like to hold him?"
"I told her she could, but she's a little hesitant."
"I'm just afraid I might break him," Maureen giggles.
"Sit in the chair," Daniela instructs.
She removes Jacob from his incubator and places him in Maureen's awaiting arms. "Oh my God."
"This your first time holding a baby?" Daniela asks.
"I'm the oldest of four. I've held a lot of babies, but I've never held one this small."
Jacob nestles into his sister's arms. "Well, as of today, you have. And look. He likes you."
Maureen simply stares.
xXx
Olivia looks up when a chocolate shake is placed in front of her. She looks from the left to the right in search of the magical drink fairy. He sits in front of her.
"It's a chocolate shake." He smiles at her with blue eyes filled with mischief and laughter. He sips his own shake.
"Thanks? But I don't really take drinks from strangers, sorry."
He removes the straw from his drink and switches it with hers. He plunges his straw into the plastic top and takes a sip. "See. Nothing to worry about." He squints his eyes at her. "You look familiar…"
"Michael?" she questions.
"Yea…Olivia?"
"Yea."
"Oh my God. You have hair."
"Ummm… Thanks?"
"No, sorry. That came out wrong. When we dated your hair was a lot shorter. I like this better."
"Thanks? Look, I have to go."
"Crap, that came out wrong too. Let me start again. You look good. What's it been? Seven? Eight years?"
"Yea, about that. Did we ever actually go on that date?"
"I don't think we did, shame."
"Yea, shame."
"I saw you earlier when I was rounding in the NICU. You're Jacob's mom right? I didn't realize it was you. I just thought, wow she's hot."
"Yea, it's me. Look at you now. When I met you, you were a resident?"
"Yea. I'm a Peds surgeon now so I have a few patients in the NICU. What about you? Still a detective?"
"Yea. First grade."
"That's good. So where's the husband?" Olivia shakes her head. "Boyfriend? Fiancé?" Olivia continues to shake her head. "So you and the father aren't together."
"No, I just can't believe you would come over here to flirt with me when you think I'm in a relationship."
He smiles proudly. "What can I say, I see a beautiful woman, I have to at least say hi."
"That's your save?"
"Ok, I also asked the nurses about you, but I had to ask to be sure."
"Jake's father…Doesn't want to be his father."
"I'm sorry."
"Don't be, it's his loss."
"Yea, but…having a baby in the NICU. It's tough. It's a lot to go through alone."
"I have friends that support me."
"Yea, but it's not the same."
She shrugs. "It is what it is, but it was nice seeing you. It was good catching up."
"Wait, you wouldn't be up for going on that date we never got the chance to go on?"
"Michael, I have a four-week-old upstairs in the NICU. I'm not really dating right now," she says and stands.
"I understand, but I'm not giving up this time. I have a good feeling about this."
Olivia laughs. "Sure."
xXx
Another chocolate shake is deposited in front of her in what has now become a daily ritual. Each day she wakes up around seven. Showers, pumps, has a bowl of cereal then heads to the hospital where she spends the majority of her day doing skin to skin and rocking her baby. She passes the time by singing to him, reading to him, and ordering things for him on Amazon. She takes a break halfway through the day. The nurses and doctors have cautioned her about keeping her nutrition up now that she's nursing. Since Jacob's sustenance was coming directly from her, proper nutrition is essential to his well being. Which leads her to the new addition to her daily routine: Lunch with Michael. She's not sure how he manages it. He's a surgeon after all, and she doesn't always go at the same time, but she does try to go after the lunch time rush when things are quieter and she can eat in peace.
She takes the shake, shoves a straw through the top, and takes a drink. Michael sets down his lunch tray across from her. "Why milkshakes?" she asks.
"What? You don't like them?"
"I do, but…it's weird."
"You're nursing. So no caffeine. I wanted to get you something special. Show I care. Women love chocolate. Everyone loves a good shake. Thus a chocolate shake."
Olivia sips from her cup. "I guess."
Michael grins, his blue eyes shining. "You guess?"
"Is there something else you'd prefer?"
"No. Milkshake's fine."
"I ask them to put chocolate syrup in there so it's extra chocolatey."
"I can tell. Thank you"
"You're welcome." Olivia's phone dings and she looks down at it to see a text from Daniela. "Something important?"
"Just rounds. I have to be back up there in thirty minutes."
"I notice you spend a lot of time on your phone. What do you do on there?"
"It's how I run my life. I respond to emails. Texts. Pay bills. Do some online shopping. Research what's going on with Jake."
"Oh, God. Don't be one of those parents."
"One of what parents?"
"Parents that research stuff on the internet and freak themselves out."
"I'm not one of those parents, just some things go a little over my head."
"Then ask his doctor. Never be afraid to ask. As your child's advocate, it's important that you stay informed."
"I get it."
"Is there anything I can help with?"
"Not really. It's just.… It's the same thing every day and some days he's no better than the day before. He's still on CPAP. He's still using an NG tube. He's barely gaining weight. I mean, am I doing something wrong? Am I not eating enough or am I not eating the right things? Why's he not improving."
"He is improving, but it's a marathon, not a sprint. Jacob was born before he was able to reach several key developmental stages. He still has to reach those stages. There's no skipping steps."
"I know I just…"
Michael reaches across the table and takes her hand. "You're a good mom, Olivia. None of this is your fault."
"I was supposed to carry him. I was supposed to protect him and my body failed. I failed him."
"You didn't fail him. Pregnancy isn't easy. A lot of women struggle."
"A lot more don't."
"Sometimes these things happen. It doesn't mean you did anything wrong. I've seen hundreds of women in your position. Women that did everything right. Women that cut out caffeine, ate right, went to bed on time, took their vitamins, went gluten free, ate organic. All of it. You hear of women having spontaneous miscarriages. None of it is their fault and it's not yours either. You have to stop blaming yourself."
"I just see him in there, suffering and I can't help but feel responsible."
"You know what I see?" Her eyes meet his. "I see a baby that loves snuggling with his mommy. Who gets sung to and rocked and loved. I see a baby with an amazing mother that any child would be lucky to have. You're a great mom, Olivia. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise."
xXx
Olivia enters the NICU and is surprised to see doctors and nurses crowded around her son's incubator. Daniela spots her first.
"What's wrong?" Olivia asks.
"Yesterday we noticed something was wrong with Jacob. You remember you mentioned he was spiting up a lot?"
"Yea."
"Well, I noted that along with his decreasing vitals, and the doctors ran some tests last night. Jacob has Necrotizing Enterocolitis. The tissue in his small bowel is dying and we think it may have caused a bowel obstruction. It's a common complication in premature infants born before 32 weeks."
"Well, how are they treating it? What are they going to do?"
"They're trying some noninvasive measures right now, but if they don't work he may need surgery."
Tears fill her eyes. "Well, is he in any pain?" Her voice hitches as the emotion in her throat threatens to strangle her.
"We're managing any discomfort he might feel. Don't worry Olivia, he's in good hands."
"Can I hold him?"
"They're working on him now, so no. But I'm sure you can stay close to him. The doctor is going to come and talk to you once he's finished examining him." Olivia sighs and swipes away her tears. "Is there anything I can get you? Anybody I can call."
Olivia shakes her head. "No. It's just me."
xXx
Olivia paces the floor of the surgical waiting room. They'd taken Jacob in for surgery an hour ago and now all she could do was wait. She hates feeling so helpless. It's unnatural to her. She was a cop for God's sake, but a badge and gun couldn't help her here. The truth was, she would walk through fire to save her son. She'd take a bullet for him in a heartbeat, but in this moment there was nothing she could do. All she could do was wait.
"Milkshake?"
She turns to see Michael with a Styrofoam cup in his hand. The small gesture of kindness is too much to bear. She breaks, unable to take it all. The stress, the worry, the anxiety, and fear. For weeks she's been dealing with it all alone. Trying to be strong for her son, but in this moment it was all too much. She feels his arms surround her and she lets him hold her. Lets him be strong for her in this moment. Slowly she hugs him back and cries into his shoulder. She's not sure how long they remain standing there, but she begins to feel embarrassed and draws back away from him.
"I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me."
"Don't be. It's ok to cry, Olivia. You're going through a lot here," he hands her the cup. "Drink. You got to keep your strength up."
She takes a sip of the cold chocolatey liquid and it seems to hit the spot. "Thanks."
"C'mon. Let's sit."
They sit side by side and he takes her hand in his, linking their fingers. "How long can you stay?"
"As long as you need. My shift is over, but they might page me for one of my patients, but I can sit with you until then."
"Thank you." They sit in a comfortable silence while Michel's thumb draws lazy circles on the back of her hand.
"Olivia?"
Olivia looks up and is surprised to see the owner of the new voice. "Maureen. What are you doing here?"
"I stopped by the NICU to see you guys and Daniela told me Jacob was in surgery. Are you ok?"
"I'm fine. This is Michael. Michael this is Maureen."
"Hello," Michael waves.
Maureen takes a seat in the empty chair beside Olivia and pulls her rosary beads from her purse. "I started bringing these my second day here after we were called in for a two year old that OD'd on meth. I stopped going to Mass when I went to college, but mom got these for me when I told her I was going to be a social worker. She must have known something because it helps when I can go down to the chapel and say a prayer. I can pray for Jacob here though."
"Would you?" Olivia asks.
"Of course."
"I'm going to grab some water. Maureen, would you like anything?" Michael asks.
"Water would be great."
He looks to Olivia, "I'm fine, thanks. Hurry back."
Once he's out of earshot Maureen turns to her friend. "So when did you meet Dr. McDreamy?" she asks in a low voice.
"Mc Who?"
"McDreamy. That's what everyone calls him around here."
"He's an old friend."
"He's kind of the bad boy around here. Very flirty. Very charming. The nurses love him." Both women watch as Michael talks to a nurse at the reception desk.
"Does he date a lot?"
"A doctor or a nurse here and there, but he's not a slore if that's what you're asking."
"Slore?"
"Slut slash whore. Slore."
"Where do you guys come up with this stuff?"
"The Kardashians."
"Remind me to never let Jacob watch TV."
"Are you guys dating?"
"No."
"Are you thinking about dating him?"
"Maureen, I just had a baby. Who's in surgery right now."
"Yea, but he's hot!"
"Shhh!" Olivia chuckles. "Maureen, he's old enough to be your father."
"Barely, but then again my father is barely old enough to be my father. But Jesus that hair with those eyes. C'mon, Olivia you can't tell me haven't thought of sitting on his face."
"Maureen!" Olivia says flabbergasted at the young girl's words. "You're holding a rosary for God's sake."
"What? Am I lying?"
Olivia looks at Michael again then back at Maureen. "Ok maybe once or twice."
"See!" Maureen slaps Olivia's arm playfully. "You better get on that before someone else does."
"I can't."
"Olivia, your baby daddy is an asshole. You're young, single, and beautiful. Moms can have fun too."
"Fun is how I wound up with Jacob."
"All I'm saying, is if you don't go after him, someone else will. I'm not saying it will be me, but I can't make any promises."
"Maureen!" Olivia nudges her playfully and the two women laugh.
"What's so funny?" Michael asks as he hands Maureen a bottle of water.
"Nothing. Just a little girl talk," Maureen grins and winks at Olivia.
"You know what. I don't think I want to know," Michael concedes and takes Olivia's hand in his again.
Minutes turn into hours and Michael is eventually paged away, but his absence is filled by her coworkers. Munch and Fin, who've requested daily updates since this ordeal started, bring her food from her favorite deli and sit with her in silence. Cragen comes, but paces the halls as they wait for an update. Casey straggles in and begins typing up a brief while they wait and Melinda works the system to get them bits and pieces of information. Everyone is here, but one person is noticeably absent, and if they weren't sure of Jacob's paternity before, they probably are now. No one brings it up. No one acknowledges the elephant in the room, especially with his daughter present, blissfully unaware of her father's deceit.