Chapter Eleven
Kate
The remaining days of Marc's last week passed quietly for me. Marc refused to give me any work on my days off, citing I should use the time to start packing properly and sort the house out. Dad suggested that anything big I didn't want left in the house to be placed in storage, and anything small he would keep at his place. It was a sad state of affairs that having spent a solid day on Tuesday going through the place with a fine tooth comb, there was actually very little I wanted to keep. I had some personal belongings from when my Mum was alive, some pictures and the likes, but everything else I would be taking with me. It was pretty sad that my most prized possessions fitted into a large shoe box.
I felt the creeping loneliness again, more so than last week. I wasn't sure if it was just because I was more aware of it this time, or because my isolation was worse than before. I didn't leave the house much as I spent time packing and giving the place a deep clean.
The calls with Sam seemed to help however. By the end of each day I was battling the urge just sinking myself into a bottle or two of wine in place of dinner and company, and just by the point where I would feel the despair peak, my phone would ring and Sam, and often Emily too, would spend an hour or two talking about anything and everything. I felt bad that I wasn't much of a conversationalist; it wasn't like I had anything new to report each day, but both of them seamlessly held the calls afloat, keeping me updated on all things Stateside. By Friday it felt as though I knew everyone in the Quileute Tribe.
Marc called me on Thursday, asking if we could catch up Friday night once he finished his last day of work. I readily agreed and we made plans to meet at the Red Lion again for dinner and drinks. I sent a message to Sam and Emily, having also now gained her phone number, letting them know I wouldn't be able to speak on Friday evening owing to my plans with Marc. I thought it best I let them know before our call on Thursday as I was still a little concerned about my memory. I'd still not recovered the time in the ambulance which Marc assured me I was lucid throughout most of it.
Friday seemed to pass slowly. At this point I was completely packed other than my few bits of clothing I was going to wear the following week at work, and my toiletries. My Dad popped round in the afternoon and collected up some more of Richard's belongings that were too big for him to take originally, and my small box of keepsakes. Dad informed me that he had struck a deal with him regarding the large jointly owned stuff, like the TV, the fridge and the like, and by the evil grin on his face, I didn't think I wanted to know the details.
6pm finally came, and I made my way back to the Pub where I'd made possibly the biggest decision of my life a few weeks ago. It boggled my mind how quickly the time had passed, but also felt like a lifetime ago.
Marc was already there waiting for me and we hugged for a long minute on seeing each other.
"How you been sweetheart?" He asked, smiling at me. I could see his eyes roaming my face, probably to check I was all there. His own face looked taunt and the bags under his eyes matched mine.
"I've been bored out of my mind." I replied smiling back. "And you? You look like crap if you don't mind me saying." I added, not joking in the slightest. I pulled out a chair and took a seat, Marc following suit.
"Urg, yeah I feel it too. It's been a looong week, but I'm free, finally!" He flooped his head back and grinned at the ceiling.
"We need drinks to celebrate in that case!" I grabbed my purse out of my bag. "The usual?" I asked him as I got back up and walked behind him. I caught his nod, and turned my attention to dodging the other tables, chairs and patrons. It was a busier night than normal, even for a Friday, then I noticed the build up for a football match was playing on the big screen and I rolled my eyes. No doubt it would get loud and rowdy here later.
I returned with the drinks quicker than I was expecting, finding Marc on his phone, looking frustrated. He saw me approach and wrapped up the call, taking his drink from me and took a big gulp of it before I'd even sat back down.
"All OK?" I asked, looking at him over the rim of my pint. He rubbed his face and shook his head.
"Fucking Karen…" I set my glass down, and waited for him to continue keeping my face neutral. Not that I needed to hide my dislike of the woman, Marc caught me shouting at her on Monday after all.
"I asked her to do one fucking thing and she fucks it up. I mean, it's not like she's never had to arrange a taxi for me before…" He trailed off and picked up his drink again.
"What did she do, or not do?" I prodded. Marc kept very neutral at work, it made him difficult to get pulled into the office politics which I loved about him. But, he was human after all and could bitch like a pro when the moment struck him. Apparently that was now.
"I asked her to arrange a taxi to pick me up tomorrow morning from my place to take me to Heathrow. Simple right? Only I haven't had a confirmation text from the taxi people like we usually get. I rang them just now, and they don't have a booking for me at all. I should have just gotten Mandy to bloody sort it for me, but you know, god forbid I get my PA to do her job…" He knocked back another mouthful of lager and I raised an eyebrow at how quickly it was going down and Karen's ineptitude. I was going to say something when he continued.
"She's already fucked up my expenses for the month, took me ages going through the receipts yesterday to find where she'd missed four hundred quids worth of travel expenses. I mean, the fact that I wasn't in the bloody office should have set alarms ringing that I was out somewhere and you know, maybe racking up expenses while I was at it. And that's ignoring that she's got access to my poxy calendar and booked the trip for me herself. I need another drink, you good?"
I waved him off, my drink barely touched and watched him work his way to the bar looking angry still. I wondered if he had the taxi drama sorted, and fired off a message to Dad to see if I could borrow the car from him early tomorrow. He replied almost instantly telling me he was 'oop north' and the car was free. I was about to reply my thanks when I got a sarcastic message from him hinting that maybe I could contribute to the tax, insurance and maintenance for said vehicle seeing I seemed to be using it more than him lately. I replied back that it was my right as his offspring to abuse parental goodwill, and I was making up for being a good teenager. I was about to reply to his next message of 'that's debatable' when Marc reappeared.
"Feeling less stressed now?" I enquired, as I pinged off a final message of 'thanks daddy x'. Working the daddy's little girl angle wasn't my usual style, so when I did use it, it had more impact.
"No." He pouted before breaking out in a weary smile.
"I've just messaged Dad. Car and moi are free tomorrow if you need a lift?"
"Oh, thanks Kate that would be brilliant. I got so many bags, I was wondering how I was going to get them to check in by myself."
"Hey, I offered a lift, not muscle." I joked.
"Tough, I've employed your services now, no getting out of it."
"Soooo, what are you going to do about Karen?" I asked, blasé as I picked up and opened a food menu. Marc saw through my act and snorted.
"I thought you didn't like gossip? That you were above it?" He asked grinning. I lifted my nose in the air.
"Of course I don't. Unless it's about people I don't like. Like, Karen, for example." I replied aloof, before breaking out in a grin. "Go on, it will make it more bearable next week if I know she's been ripped a new one. Call it pay back for Monday."
His smile fell a little. "Actually, not a word to anyone, but she's been handed her notice today."
I sat back at that, smile dropping. "What?"
"Yeah, the expenses thing isn't new. I'm kind of surprised at myself for letting her book the taxi for me, second chances and all that. No, it turns out that either through ignorance, or laziness, she's been filing some financial reports incorrectly for Brian. We had an audit last month and it came up as a serious concern from the audit company. We've tracked it back, and it's all the stuff she was dealing with." He let out a long sigh. "Given her behaviour on Monday with you, Brian agreed with me it was best we let her go."
"I didn't know Brian knew about Monday." I said, still slightly mortified at the whole episode.
"Yeah, sorry, I told him. I probably wouldn't have mentioned it given by that point we'd already decided to sack her, but with what happened to you, he wanted the full story of what lead up to everything."
"Oh."
"Nothing personal, just he was concerned she might have done something to you that caused your… problems. He didn't want it to fall back on the company…"
Ah, arse covering, not employee concern. Gotcha. Say no more.
"Is it bad of me that I don't feel sorry for her?" I asked, trying to hide my smile. Trying.
"Honestly, given the shit I've had to deal with this week alone because of her, on top of everything else, I'd be doing a song and dance in the lobby as she leaves. If I was going to be here on Friday of course."
"Of course."
We both grinned at that.
"Right, food. I am hungry, and wish to experience the five star cuisine of this fine establishment one last time before I leave for pastures new." Marc declared, grabbing a menu himself. I just laughed at that.
"Hmm. Now, do I actually go with something new to mark this special occasion, or play it safe and not risk dysentery on the flight tomorrow?" He asked himself as he skimmed the menu.
"Play it safe." We both said together, laughing. I put down my menu, not bothering to even look at the inside. Marc stood and made his way back to the bar, turning to me halfway and mimicked taking a drink. I gave him a thumbs up. By the time he'd get back I would have finished my pint. I decided to keep it at just two tonight seeing as we had an early start tomorrow.
Once Marc returned with new drinks and confirmation of our food order placed, we spent a few minutes going over next week.
"So, you don't actually have to come into work every day next week if you don't want to. If you pop in Monday, you can pick up the remaining files of mine and just work through them at home. It would keep you out of Karen's way." Marc said.
"What, and miss the fireworks?" I grinned. A small part of me was actually looking forward to seeing the woman just to see how she played out her final week. I had an idea and idly ran it past Marc.
"What if we do a joint leaving thing for myself and Karen? You know, get a card, some finger food, a cake…"
"You can be such a bitch sometimes." He laughed at me. I raised my hands in front of me as though reading a large sign.
"'Karen, you will be missed like a bad case of the clap.' Do you think it will all fit on a cake?"
Marc just laughed harder and I joined him. It felt good to relax with him like this.
"We'll have to do this again in Washington." I said.
"What? Arranging cake decorations for STI infected ex-colleagues?" He smirked.
"Yes, that too. But this I mean." I made a vague gesture. "We'll have to find a place near La Push or Spoons or whatever it's called and make it a regular thing again."
"So, find a shit bar, order the same thing off the menu each time, and get shit faced? But in American?" He asked.
"Exactly cowboy." He snorted at my shit American accent.
"I'm down with that." He raised his glass, and I picked mine up to match. "To the Red Lion mark two." He clicked his glass against mine and we both took a swig.
"I think I will go in next week, it's easier being in the office, and I want to say goodbye to a few folks you know. Plus it's nice to have a little bit of human contact."
My mood dipped a little, remembering that I wouldn't see Marc for another week and that my human contact at work might be a little optimistic as well.
"Well, if you do change your mind… No one's expecting to see you, so if you have anything you need to sort with your house and whatnot, feel free to swan off anytime you like."
"Ah, the privileges of being management." I joked.
"Too bloody right! Got to have some compensation for dealing with some of the simpletons we have to work with."
"What are you doing about your house keys?" I asked him. Other than knowing his place was being let as a rental, I didn't know the finer points.
"Oh, the letting agency have a set of keys already, and I'm posting my set through the door once I leave tomorrow. They said they'd be over around midday to collect them and start showing some clients round. They came round last week one evening and took loads of photos. It's pretty much ready to go, other than a cleaning company coming in and giving it a going over."
"You mean nuking it from orbit and rebuilding?" I added. He rolled his eyes at me.
"I'll have you know that I'm very clean now. I've learnt my lesson about letting stuff linger in the sink."
"Yes, I guess once you've practiced biological warfare on yourself, it's time to wash the dishes."
"Alright Miss Snark." He smiled at me. I grimaced an apology.
"Sorry, it's been a quiet week-"
"And you've had no one to try your stellar wit out on?"
"I was going to say it's been lonely, but yeah, pretty much." I leant back to allow the waitstaff who just arrived to set down both my starter and main.
"I figured it's going to get busy in a bit with the footie, so asked them to bring it all out at once." Marc said, as he shifted his beer.
"Good call." I replied, eyeing the main bar area which was full of blue Chelsea shirts.
"So, anything of mine you don't get finished next week, just hand to Brian. He's impressed how much you've sorted out already, but understands your hands will be tied with some bits so he's expecting something to be handed over."
I nodded as I dug into my food, mouth full.
"Have you got your stuff sorted for the flight and drive tomorrow?" I asked once my mouth was empty. Marc nodded.
"Yeah, pretty much. You'll get a call from Mandy on Monday by the way, she'll have the car collection info and your flight bits. It's all on email but she's a little old school and likes hardcopies. She's been an absolute angel through all of this so just humour her when she calls. I think the e-tickets would have already hit your email." He popped some chips in his mouth.
"Looking forward to it?" I prodded. I needed a hit of enthusiasm for the week ahead. Marc smiled.
"Yeah, definitely." He smiled widely and bounced his leg. "Tomorrows gonna be a bitch. We're on the same Saturday Seattle flight that the Quileutes were on, so it's an early start. Oh! Can you pick me up at half seven tomorrow by the way?" I nodded. "Yeah so, early start, flights about ten hours, then that four hour drive as long as traffic's OK. I made sure I've got my phone cable and music loaded."
"D'you know where you have to pick your car up from?" I asked, wanting as much info as possible for when it was my turn next week.
"Yeah, it's in Mandy's pack, but if you go to arrivals and the pick up and set down bit and call the number, someone from the lease company will bring the car round. Have your passport ready, they will need ID before they sign the car over."
I felt more comfortable as Marc went through his plan of action. Knowing I could also call him once I landed myself if I needed anything was a big relief. We both would be landing early Saturday afternoon going with the time difference. We'd have whatever remains of Saturday, then Sunday to settle in, then jump straight into our new roles on Monday. I could feel the excitement building again, feeding off Marc's emotions.
Marc had a last few things to sort out so we called time on ourselves at half nine, thankfully missing the end of the football match. Chelsea were not doing well and I was expecting some fights to break out once full time was called.
We parted ways at the train station, then I made my way home. A wash of deja vu came over me as I reached my house and I stood at the front gate just taking in my home. I would miss it, despite what Richard did here. I was glad I had managed to reclaim my space, as from a purely practical point with the housing market meant I had it to fall back on when I returned. From a more personal side, this was my first proper home as an adult. As I moved from my pokey little flat into this with Richard, it held all my hopes and dreams for the future. I mean, yeah, those got pissed down the toilet, thanks to Richard, but it wasn't the house's fault.
I remembered when we first came round to view it when we were first house hunting. In each room I could picture our lives playing out. The main bedroom redecorated in muted greys, with splashes of bright colour here and there. The original parquet flooring in the hallway which I sanded and varnished so it shone brightly with the sunlight through the stained glass above the front door. I remember falling in love with the butler sink in the kitchen the first time I saw it, and putting my foot down with Richard when we got round to ripping out the kitchen. The sink was staying and that was final. I ended up planning out the new kitchen around that sink.
So much of myself was poured into these four walls and I think that's what stung the most with Richard's betrayal. He knew how much I loved this place, how much blood, sweat and tears that literally went into making it home, and yet he chose this as the place to desecrate our relationship. I wondered if it was a conscious decision on his part? Did he just not care enough about me to think of that added insult to injury. Or did he know what he was doing and deliberately chose this for the scene of the crime. Indifference or maliciousness. I didn't know what was worse.
I sucked in a deep breath and released it slowly as I finally made my way up the path to the front door. I didn't want to go down this rabbit hole, but I was feeling that suffocating loneliness coupled with the sucker punch of thinking about Richard again. With Marc also leaving tomorrow my excitement for next week was starting to dwindle fast and all the fears and worries were starting to creep up on me.
I entered the house and went straight upstairs. A shower and bed for me I think. I hoped I could stop this train of thought in its tracks before it spiraled out of control.
I woke around 5am on Saturday. My sleep was disturbed by a dream of a large black dog whining for my attention, but no matter how hard I tried I couldn't find the right key on a keychain to release it from the pound it was in. I was starting to think I must have a neighbour with a dog that was noisy at night for it was the second or third time I'd dreamt of it. Or maybe it was my subconsciousness telling me I needed a puppy? I huffed a laugh at that and myself and got out of bed for a shower and to get ready.
Breakfast was unappealing at this time of the morning, so I bypassed the kitchen completely and started the trek to Dad's to get the car. I had a quick nosey around his house just making sure there was nothing amiss, no lights on, taps running and the likes, and finding everything OK I grabbed the keys and left to collect Marc.
I pulled up to his just before seven thirty and found a very excitable Marc rushing around trying to ensure he had everything he needed. After his third check of the taps, I offered to do a sweep with him otherwise we'd never get going. Just as we were about to go he remembered he still had some food left in the fridge, and I waited in the car as he disposed of it in the outside bin before he finally made a big show of posting the keys through the letterbox then jumping in the car.
"There, all sorted. Are we ready to rock and roll?" He actually clapped his hands in glee and I shook my head in mirth as I pulled away from the house. I watched him as he watched his place disappear behind us until it was out of sight.
"End of an era." He turned back to face me finally, still smiling.
"No second thoughts?" I asked, navigating my way out of town to the motorway.
"Nope, too late now anyway." He couldn't stop bouncing in his seat and although normally it was entertaining, right now it was irritating me.
"Stop." I said, putting my hand on his knee to stop it jiggling. I soften the moment by chucking him a smile. Inside I was rolling my eyes. It was like a little kid in the car, and I was half expecting him to call 'Are we there yet?'. I wasn't sure where this bad mood had stemmed from, only that I'd woken up with it and was finding it hard to shake. Marc leaving was a kick in the crotch from reality and everything was starting to hit home.
"Sorry." He smiled. "Sleep alright?" He asked.
"Yeah, fine. You?" I replied automatically.
"Not really, too excited you know?" He turned back to the road, smile still plastered on his face. I wanted to engage him, not ruin this moment for him, but I was struggling to bring myself out of this funk.
"Have you eaten, or did you want to get something on the way?" I didn't think I could eat, but it was worth a go. Maybe I was just hangry.
"Yeah, that would be great. I was going to get something at the airport, but we've got time." He pulled out his phone and played with it for a bit. "Traffic's light so we can stop off at some services."
"Cool, you're navigating then."
I slipped back into silence, driving giving me an excuse to not carry a conversation. Marc was lost in his own little world, a smile still present. He really was looking forward to this.
We made it to the services on the M25 motorway, and we found ourselves ordering some take out breakfast burrito style things which actually looked disgusting. I didn't want to make a scene so reluctantly nibbled it as we walked back to the car. I took one final bite before dumping the rest in a nearby bin before Marc saw.
"Finished already?" He asked.
"Mmm mmm."
We were back in the car and on our way for the final part of the journey. I pulled up at departures and braced myself for a goodbye I wasn't looking forward too. Marc jumped out to grab a trolley and I made the move round the back to open the boot for his luggage. He was soon back and we started loading up.
"Now, have you got everything?" I prodded. Mainly to make conversation but I could feel my own panic levels rising at the mere thought of missing something, even if it wasn't me leaving.
"Yes Mum." He replied, rolling his eyes. I just tutted and made a last sweep of the interior of the car, just in case his phone has fallen out or something.
"Kate, it's all good, stop worrying." He stopped me in my tracks and I just gave up and let my shoulders sag as he wrapped his hands around the top of my arms.
"Hey, hey, what's wrong sweetheart?" I just sniffed and shrugged my shoulders. He got the message though.
"Aw Kate, you silly arse. It's all good, you'll see. It's only a week then you won't be able to get rid of me. Think of it as the calm before the storm." He joked. I sucked in a resetting breath and lifted my head to his, trying to put a lid on my bad mood and just let him think it was just him leaving.
"I know, sorry. It's kinda just making it all a reality you know?" He nodded and brought me in for a big hug.
"It's a big thing, but remember, we're doing it together and it's not forever. Just a week left before you come over. Make the most of the time with your Dad OK? Get the most out of that tank of petrol while you're at it too."
"Ha, very funny."
I hugged him again, a little tighter, then stepped back. Marc threw his laptop bag over his shoulder and placed his carryon on top of the heavily laden luggage trolley.
"This is it." He grinned. "I'll text you when I land, it'll be a bit late, probably 10pm I think. Don't work too hard next week Kate, I want you raring to go on Monday." He winked and I chuckled with the first bit of genuine laughter all morning.
"Fly safe, Marc."
"See you in a week sweetheart." He moved forward again and pecked me on the forehead, before grinning again and turning with the trolley to walk into the terminal.
I watched him go until he was swallowed by the doors, then huffing another breath, I turned back to the car to go home.
I stopped off at my Dad's on the way home, and left the car and it's keys. I did another sweep of both car and house to ensure nothing of mine or Marc's was left behind before making my way back home. It was 11 am by the time I walked in the door, and even though I hadn't really done much today, I felt drained and slightly sick from the half a burrito I'd eaten.
The thought of food had my stomach turning and I only just made it to the bathroom before throwing up the poor excuse for breakfast.
Feeling emotional and now physically exhausted from the morning, I made my way upstairs to bed, this time remembering to set my alarm. It had been another strange week and now I was on an official countdown to leave, I found myself struggling with sudden flares of fears, worry and doubt. Was I doing the right thing? Imposter syndrome was in full force as I tried to turn off my brain to sleep, and when I eventually managed to succumb, I dreamt I went into the office and was told it was a mistake and that Karen would be going in my place.
Marc's flight landed safely on Saturday, and he sent me a message around six hours after that to let me know he'd made it to Forks and was just going to eat before crashing. I replied with perfunctory positive messages but felt myself slip into a jealous mode that he was out there and I was stuck here. I just wanted to get over there to get it over and done with.
I had very little to occupy my free time on Sunday, with only laundering my small rotation of clothes and working my way through the food in the cupboards with no appetite to really make any dents in it. Dad was coming round on Friday to help clear up the final bits with me, but it meant no food shopping was needed so I ended up staring at the TV for too many hours of the day bored out of my mind, interspaced with repeatedly checking my work emails on my phone to ensure I knew the ins and outs of Mandy's information. A couple of bottles of wine helped break up the monotony, and I contemplated having to either ration the rest of it, or do a wine run to keep me going until I left.
I made it into work early on Monday after a long and tortuous weekend, and set myself back up in Marc's old office. Marc told me no one had claimed it yet so I was staking my flag first thing to ward off everyone else. I had a funny moment as I first walked in, seeing the tea stain still on the carpet from last Monday. My anger at Karen morphed into outright hatred and I surprised myself with the venomous feelings I was having towards the woman. It was completely out of proportion, and she had been dealt with, but the memory alone was enough to add rage into my bad mood. I was not one to be trifled with.
Luckily, I was left alone all day. I saw fleeting glances of Karen as she passed by, but as she was on her weeks notice she was moved to another area of the office as she was supervised to hand over her workload. At least, that's what I was telling myself. From the few worried glances she had thrown me, I wondered if she had been moved for my benefit (or her's) if they thought we might have another showdown. Or, she might have thought that I had something to do with her departure. This made me more angry. The thought of being accused of something I had no part in, and because I was still feeling the injustice that she didn't actually have any come back for what she did to me. I didn't consider myself a vindictive person, but I got mad rage that she got away with it, and I got a hospital visit for my troubles. A little part of me was confused at my swinging emotions, I couldn't have it both ways, but the larger, angrier part didn't care.
I was late getting out of the office that day, having lost time going through the remaining case files and seeing the progress made during my days off. There was also a massive delay on the trains so I had to take a replacement rail service bus home which took hours. I didn't walk in the door until after 9pm that night, and the frustrations of the day and my still lingering anger meant I was just completely done and so over Monday. I didn't even bother turning the lights on before heading for bed. I stripped naked, plugged my phone into charge, and ensuring my alarms were set, I shut it down completely.
That bloody big black dog was back in my dreams. But it started to maul Karen so it wasn't completely bad.
Tuesday followed Monday almost to a T. I had a couple of missed calls from Sam, Emily and Marc, followed by text messages asking if I was OK and to call back. I was going to reply, but thought better of it given the time difference. I'd make contact tonight after work.
Buses were still the method of transport today, given the fault on the line was still causing problems with the trains. I could feel my blood pressure rising as I joined the queue of commuters waiting for a space to get into London. The day was hot and humid and even at the early hour, the heat wasn't making the journey pleasant.
Brian caught me after lunch and I gave him a pre handover of sorts. It was a pointless exercise really as so much could change between now and Friday, but he's the boss now so I gritted my teeth and got on with it.
I wasn't as late getting out of work today, but the train issue seemed to have gotten worse so it took nearly three hours to get home again. I was feeling sick, tired and irritable and just wanted to sleep at this point, so I followed Monday's routine and went straight to bed.
Wednesday was hell. The Capital had suddenly found itself in the middle of a heatwave and as luck would have it, I found myself on a replacement bus with no air conditioning. Traffic was horrendous after we got stuck behind an accident so even though I wasn't late for work as I left the house early, I was in a particularly bad mood from the get go.
Brian tried to collar me again after lunch to go through the same shit as yesterday, only with someone else involved who was taking over some of Marc's old position. It took all my willpower not to scream at them both for interrupting asking the most stupidest of questions. The new chap, Dave, Dan, or whatever the fuck he was called, offered to shadow me for the rest of the week to get to grips with the cases, but I somehow managed to fob him off. I might not be so lucky tomorrow.
The train problem had not resolved itself either, so rather than suffer the joys of the buses again, I decided I would find my own way home via taking the Tube out as far as I could manage, then using local transport routes to get the rest of the way.
I made it home by 8pm which was a result, but I was so hot and sweaty and tired from the long walks in heels that I crawled upstairs for a shower before bed.
I heard my phone ring from the shower and saw a lot of missed calls from Sam and Emily. I wanted to call them back, but the tiredness from the day had finished me off. The headache from last week was also back with hot spikes drilling into my brain, and I didn't want to inflict myself on them in this state.
Thursday started off better, the trains were finally working, hurrah! However my day took a nosedive as I got into work to find Dave, Dan or Darren in Marc's office.
"Hi, can I help you?" I pasted on a smile although I could feel it dropping from my face almost immediately.
"Oh Kate, morning. Sorry to barge in. Brian suggested I start picking up the caseload and as I was in early I thought I'd make a start." He smiled brightly. He wasn't a bad chap, but my tolerance was at an all time low. Still, I forced another smile and walked to where he was sitting to see what he was doing.
It was just after 8am that I realised my day, and possibly the rest of the week was fucked. Dave, Dick or whatever, had completely screwed up the equipment orders I had outstanding, somehow cancelling a couple that had been on order for months, and delaying another one that I'd only just confirmed to the customer yesterday.
"Oh, I didn't realise it would do that. No problem, we can just reorder them right?" He asked still smiling. It was taking everything in me not to smack it from his face.
"No, actually. The ones you cancelled will automatically get assigned to any other open order for the same spec machine. The last one, the customer will need informing that there's a delay. He might be upset as I'd only just told him yesterday when he could expect it. He's got a mountain of work outstanding, we might lose that business." I stated without preamble, completely over mollycoddling this buffoon.
He conveniently had a meeting with finance that he couldn't miss, leaving me to try and fix things.
Luckily for me, and for Dipshit, Bob came to the rescue.
"I did wonder why you wanted to cancel those orders. Who the hell is Dean Hargreaves anyway?" Bob asked when I called him to beg for help.
"Urg, new person taking over Marc's final cases, the ones' I'm dealing with until Friday."
"Christ. What an eejit. Look, I'll do you a favour. I know Germany are having some issues with a new client so their build is on hold for at least another month. I'll stop the order cancellations and switch the delayed one to the German stock. That'll get you back on track. I can also reassign your remaining cases to the other bits of German stock to clear those backlogs. By the time they get their arses in gear, we'll have them replaced. We haven't assigned asset tags to them yet. Plus, Bayern Munich wiped the floor with Chelsea last week, I'm owned blood."
Oh, I'd forgotten Bob was a massive Chelsea fan. Interesting.
"Bob, I could kiss you right now, you know that?" I nearly cried, he was such a nice man and didn't deserve the reputation he'd acquired over the years.
"It's my pleasure, Fy Anwylyd. Now, bugger off and let me clear up this mess." I could hear his smile down the phone.
"Thanks Bob, catch you later." I hung up and after taking a resetting breath, worked my way back through all the cases updating the new production and installation dates as Bob emailed them through to me. I added the confirmations into the case files, and updated the customers. I also did a hunt online and found some more beer and a gift card for the Chelsea official store to send to Bob. As it was going on expenses I was overly generous with the value loaded on it, but fuck it. By 3pm, Derek, Dominic, Dickfeatures was not back so I marched down to Brian's office.
"Kate my dear. To what do I owe this pleasure?" He asked nicely, waving me in to take a seat.
"I'll be quick as I can Brian. You need to get rid of Dean Hargreaves." I stated.
"Oh, why's that?" He asked, sitting down behind his desk.
"Bob Davies in Swansea can confirm, but he somehow managed to, in the space of thirty minutes this morning, cancel two major productions and compromise a third."
I was without mercy as I laid out the problems to Brian, not holding back. I was sick of tiptoeing around people, and them getting away with doing shit like this. It was Craig and Berlin all over again. It was unfair and I wasn't going to stand for it.
"Thanks for bringing this to my attention. I'll have words with him. This is not what I was expecting. He had glowing reviews from his last position in the company." He looked angry and I was happy he seemed to realise the fallout I'd managed to avoid.
"I'm very unlikely to have anything to hand over for you on Friday given the magic Bob has managed to pull, so I'd appreciate it if you can leave it in my hands. I'll be honest, anything that's still outstanding could be easily managed by Megan. It will just be follow ups to customers at that point."
"Understood. Thank you Kate. You know, Marc was right, you will be very good in your new role."
I didn't know what to say to that, still wary in the back of my mind how my role came about, so I just nodded then left his office.
By the end of the day I had pretty much closed off Marc's old work load. Bob's sole focus on my work requests meant I had a sudden surge in completed projects and after calling customers to update then, I found myself handing over all but 2 case files to accounts to manage going forward. It also meant I lost track of time, and left work late again.
My headache was like knives in my head and shoulders, especially after being hunched over my laptop all day. I realised I'd missed lunch after skipping breakfast. I took a look in my fridge once home at 8:30pm, but not finding anything I wanted apart from painkillers, I gave up the hunt and made for bed.
This time I dreamt the dog was throwing itself at my bedroom door as water flooded the room. I couldn't move to let it in.
Friday was not good.
My dreams had barely let me rest so I'd given up on attempting to sleep around 1am. I wandered the house trying to find something to do but even the smallest of tasks had been done during my deep clean, and I couldn't find the strength in me to repeat them just to kill time. I'd downed more pain relief as my headache flared and set myself on the sofa. I was close to grabbing a bottle of wine to help me sleep when my phone rang.
Sam.
I picked it up and stared at the name flashing on the screen. I wanted to answer, I really did but apathy had taken root. The phone stopped ringing, having gone to voicemail, and I took it as a sign that it was for the best. I didn't have the energy to think on why he was calling me this late; he was always mindful of the time difference when we had spoken previously. I thought back on Marc's observation but the subject matter was too much to worry about and I let it fade from my mind.
I was brought out of my stuper by my phone again, only this time it was my alarm. I frowned as I silenced it, surely it couldn't have been more than a few minutes since Sam called? Now it was telling me it was 6am? Where did those five hours go?
I seemed to have lost hours again, and before I knew it I was in Marc's office with only a vague recollection of the commute to work. It seemed every time my headache peaked I became aware of my surroundings again. I popped a couple of more extra strength tablets and lost myself in work.
I'd just transferred the very last project to accounts when there was a quiet knock at the door.
"It's open." I called, then began shuffling the last of the paperwork on my desk, gathering it into a pile before shoving it into the folder. The door opened and Brian poked his head around.
"Kate, how's it going?" He asked, his usual pleasant smile in place. He walked in and closed the door behind him, and perched on the second desk by the window.
"It's gone. I've literally just finished the last project, I've transferred to accounts and I just need to file the paperwork." I waved the final folder then placed it back on the desk.
"Oh, that's wonderful, well done." He paused and his face fell slightly. "I need to thank you again for your candid talk yesterday." I frowned, trying to remember what he was on about. "About Dean." He added, clearly seeing my confusion.
"Oh, that's fine. It needed to be said. We could have lost a number of clients if Bob hadn't stepped up." I added.
"It wasn't Bob that saved the day, Kate. It was you. There have been very good things mentioned about you in your time in these offices. I'm, we're all going to miss you deeply."
I chewed my tongue at that. Anger and bitterness welled at his words. If him, or someone else higher up the tree stood up to Muller and had a bloody back bone, I wouldn't be leaving 'these offices'. Well, he appreciated my candid remarks yesterday, I wondered if he would still like it now.
"Well, it's not like I had much of a choice in the matter to relocate now, was it?" I stared him down. I was sick of being walked over, in both my personal and professional lives.
"Well, that's not necessarily true." He chuckled slightly.
"Oh, I think it is, Brian." I watched his face fall. "As I recall, it was either take the job, or find myself fired and pretty much ostracized from the industry. You know I came into this company by the apprenticeship program, and other than the company issued grades and the experience I've worked hard to build on, I've no official qualifications to get the same kind of job elsewhere. Do you know what impact that would have had on my personal life, let alone my career?" I asked.
"Well, I don't think-"
"Let me tell you Brian." I interrupted. "For one, if I had managed to get a new job in the same industry, it would have been on entry level money. That means we would not have been able to afford our mortgage, thus forcing us to downsize. We would have been put back five years or more. Tell me, is that fair? After all, you and everyone else upstairs is aware that Craig is the one who caused Muller's ire, but I was the suitable fall guy?"
"It wasn't like that-"
"Oh Brian, yes it was." I sighed, this was the most engaged I'd been with someone all day, maybe longer, and I was so done. After my initial outburst, I was feeling the apathy creep in, and my headache flared. "Why me? Why not Marc? After all he's my boss and had more involvement in the project than I did. I only stepped in last minute to help resolve the problems, it couldn't have been just because I was a face she remembered? We'd literally never spoken face to face, and only met briefly when I presented the recovery steps to Muller and our board."
Like his strings had been cut, Brian stood and plopped himself in the chair next to where he was perched.
"I will tell you, but promise me to think on this first, and not do anything rash, please?"
I perked up slightly, I've never seen or heard Brian like this before. What was going on.
"Muller, was an… convenient excuse." He started. He chewed his lip as he worked out how what to tell me.
"Excuse for what?" I asked, wary of where this conversation was going.
"Thomas Hall Group." He said. I stared blankly, what did our biggest competitor have to do with this?
He shifted himself to be comfortable, and I leant forward in my chair, giving him my full attention.
"Do you remember when Rockwell went to tender, a couple of years back?" I nodded. "Well, someone from there, after we'd won, was approached by someone at Thomas Hall. I think it was a usual feedback query, to figure out why they didn't win, the usual."
I nodded again. We did the same in a hope to improve our services.
"Right, still not sure where you are going with this?" I said, trying, but failing I suspect, to hide my frustrations.
"It turns out that someone, for god knows whatever reasons, gave them copies of all our confidential files about the tender submission and then all the start up information thereafter. I'm not sure how exactly, well, I have suspicion, but they got hold of our internal documents too, and some other ongoing project works and past it on to Thomas Hall."
Oh. This was bad.
"Why am I just hearing about this now? Does anyone else in the company know?" I queried.
"Just upper management, and you."
"Why are you telling me this, it's pretty big stuff?"
"It's because it's what triggered this relocation offer." He blew out a breath before continuing.
"The information Thomas Hall got was mostly stuff that you had been dealing with. Someone their end who got wind of it, is a good buddy of mine, and he gave me a heads up on what they were planning."
"Which was..?" I probed.
"They were going to try and head hunt you." He paused, clearly expecting a reaction from me.
"Right. I've not been headhunted before, but I have the general idea. It's not like I would have said yes? I'm confused Brian, if you put out the option that I could lose my job, why did you even care if they did headhunt me if there was a chance I may have walked myself?" I ignored the fact that it would have been them forcing my hand.
"As I said, people upstairs like you. They also like Marc. The information we received said that to get you, they were going to go after Marc as well. They obtained personal information about you and Marc, and figured that if they approached you at the same time, they could grab you both."
"Soo… rather than risk losing us both, you used the Muller excuse to give me an ultimatum, hoping that I would take it?"
"Yes. We knew Marc would go with the opportunity, so worked it that he would accept, given your ultimatum, you'd most likely follow him, so we'd keep you both."
"Did Marc know about this?"
"No, only what you both knew before." He rubbed his neck before continuing. "We'd rather keep you both in the company, albeit in another country and lose you both to Thomas Hall."
I laughed. What the fuck. What the actual fuck.
"I can't believe it. Why not just give me a pay rise if you wanted to keep me?" I asked, incredulous at the web of deceit than infected this place.
"It was the first consideration, but Marc had been unhappy for a while and no amount of money we were waving at him was going to keep him forever. He was getting bored and would eventually upsticks and leave. You were, are, his linchpin, but it was only a matter of time before he dragged you with him."
I sat back in my chair, information overload.
"I think you've overestimated Marc's attachment to me." I said, referring to the first thing that came to mind.
"No, I think you are underestimating him." he stated and stared at me. What?
"So Muller…?"
"That part is true. The woman is as mad as a box of frogs, but she's throwing money our way. It played into the plans nicely." He said.
"...and you just assumed I would take the role, because I would go anywhere with Marc?" As soon as I said I knew it was true, I just never realised it was so obvious that work had picked up on it and used it to their advance.
"Pretty much. You two have been joined at the hip since you joined the company. Every position you've both been in has been involved in the others role since day dot."
Jesus, was I really that clingy?
"And Richard, my boyfriend. You just assumed… what exactly?"
He looked embarrassed suddenly before he swallowed and spoke.
"Marc had been keeping me updated on your relationship. We could see the signs and it was just a matter of timing."
Woah woah woah!
"What the fuck Brian?" I stood abruptly. "Explain now!"
"Marc knew you were having problems with Richard. He confided in me as he didn't know how to approach you."
"What problems?" What problems? It was all fine and dandy until I caught him-
"That he was cheating on you."
There was a sudden ringing in my ears. He knew. Marc knew and never told me.
"Kate, he didn't know how to tell you-"
"So he told you instead?" I spat out. I ran my hands through my hair, tightly gripping at my scalp.
"He was after advice-"
"How long did you, did he know before I found him?"
"A few months." Oh my god. I sat heavily in my seat. "Why didn't he tell me?"
"As I said, he didn't want to worry you. He's got your best interests at heart. Always has done."
"That's bullshit Brian, Marc would have never kept it from me, he's not like that." I nearly shouted. Or was he? The fact is, he had kept it from me.
I gripped the desk, breathing heavily as I tried to get my head around it all. All for the want of keeping us in the company, the tangle of lies was extraordinary. Whatever the hell happened to just coming into work and doing your job then going home? This was an office politics on a whole new level I couldn't comprehend and I suddenly felt completely out of my depth.
"Will you... are you still going to Washington tomorrow?" Brian asked quietly. It took a second or ten before my brain processed the question and I let out a slightly hysterically laugh.
"I'm highly reconsidering my options right now." I threw at him. Immediately after the thought crossed my mind an overwhelmingly crushing pain flared in my chest, I saw stars and grabbed at my breast bone like I could tear the pain from my body. Luckily I was still sitting and I dropped my head to the desk groaning in agony and at all the surprises this day had thrown my way.
"Kate, are you OK? Can I help?" I heard Brian scramble to his feet and approach. I used the roiling anger to sit up straight, still rubbing my chest. I could feel my phone vibrating on the desk next to me, but ignored it. I'd bigger concerns to deal with right now.
"I think you've don't enough, don't you?" I rasped at him. He stepped away and rubbed his hand down his face.
"For what's it's worth Kate. I'm sorry, truly sorry. Don't be angry at Marc, he was seriously concerned for you. But please, please go to Washington, even if you just do the job for a little while until you work out everything…" He trailed off weakly.
I didn't know what to say to that. My phone was vibrating again, someone was desperate to speak to me clearly. I don't think I could even speak to Brian still standing there anymore, let alone compose myself enough to take a call.
"Look, I'll leave you your evening. I just wanted to… yeah." He scrubbed the back of his neck, clearly uncomfortable.
I didn't speak. I couldn't. Seeing that he wasn't getting a reply he walked back to the door, leaving the room, closing it behind him.
The sudden silence was broken again by my phone. I grabbed it and was intending to tell whoever it was to fuck off when I noticed the time. It was after 7pm. My headache flared again, the stresses of the day making themselves know. The phone rang again, Dad! Oh god, I'd completely forgotten he was coming round mine tonight. I hastitly answered, hands shaking.
"Dad! Sorry, sorry! I'm still at work, I'm sorry I lost track of time, are you at mine?" My earlier hysteria hadn't abated and it forced itself into my tone.
"Woah, Kate, calm down Poppet. It's fine. I was just calling to let you know I was running late and if you wanted me to grab a take out."
I flopped back in the chair again, panic waning, leaving me feeling wrung out.
"Yeah, great, thank Dad. Take out is great, whatever you fancy."
"No problem. I'm thinking Chinese." He was silent for a beat before… "You OK? You sound a bit stressed."
"I'm fine, it's just, last day you know, dealing with all the shit coming out of the woodwork." How very apt.
"OK, well don't be too long or the food will be cold. Erm, you sure you're OK, it's just Marc just called me worried about you all of a sudden. I thought he was in the States already?"
My anger spiked. "I'm fine Dad. Tell him to call me next time."
"Well, he did, said you weren't picking up…"
"I was busy in a meeting. Look, I've a few bits to do, then I'm out of here. I should be home in just over an hour OK?
"Sure Poppet. I'll see you soon. Love you."
"Bye, love you too Dad."
I hung up, noticing a number of missed calls from Marc, Sam and another unknown number that had a Washington area code. I couldn't deal with them right now, so grabbed my bag and packed up my laptop. I did I quick scan of Marc's office, making sure nothing was left behind, before picking up the folder and marching out of the room. A few people were still mulling around but I didn't engage them. No one approached either, I guess my face must have been a picture.
What the fuck? Marc knew about Richard's cheating?
I swung by my old desk, having a quick root around for any personal belongs, picking up my umbrella and my tea mug. Oh, and a few pens and a new notepad. I would need something until I got the stationary sorted at the new offices.
He fucking knew and never told me!
I let out a huff as I finished my sweep, grabbing my spare laptop cable on my way to accounts to hand over the folder in my arms. I guess I was still going to Washington afterall. The pain in my chest eased off at the thought. I guess the illusion of control was enough to stave off the stress. I shook my head at myself, never taking myself to have such extreme reactions to stuff like this before. I was learning a lot about myself recently, and not all of it was good.
Accounts had already left for the day, so I dumped the folder on a random desk, adding a post it note detailing what it was. Then, one last look around, I adjusted my bag on my shoulder, and marched to the lifts.
It was an anti climatic departure given the revealing conversation with Brian, and I didn't know if I was happy at slipping out the door with no fuss, or upset that no one cared enough to see me off. I had a sudden lump in my throat at that. After all Brian's talk of the company seeing me as important, hell they'd constructed some strange set of events to get to keep me, a simple 'goodbye' was clearly too much for them. Was it too much to ask for a little appreciation to be shown? I fought down the tears as the loneliness rose up again, and only did I wipe my face when the empty lift arrived and I stepped in to it. Why did Brian tell me all that? I mean, I'm glad that I knew, but I wasn't sure what he was expecting to gain from letting me in on the web of lies. Did he think I should feel grateful that they've gone to some lengths to get me to take the role? If anything I was feeling manipulated.
And Marc! What the fuck was I going to do with that nugget of information.
I didn't see another body as I made my way out on the ground floor, even security were missing from the main lobby. I shook my head again, just done with this place and its people.
Fuck you all.
And fuck Marc.