Chapter 11-Turmoil

Olivia slides her key into the lock to Elliot's apartment. It's amazing how things can change in just a month. She closes and locks the door behind her and tosses her bag onto the chair before making a B-line to Elliot's bedroom. He sleeps on his back with Jacob curled up on his chest. She smiles and uses her phone to snap a picture before heading to the bathroom. Her luffa hangs from the shower caddy that holds her body wash, shampoo, and conditioner. She showers quickly then heads back into his bedroom where she pulls some underwear from one of his drawers and slides them on before pulling on one of his old Marine Corp T-shirts.

She walks over to the bed and lifts Jacob from his father's chest. She cherishes the moment he curls into her. She kisses his forehead then lays him to sleep in his crib before climbing into bed beside Elliot. He rolls over and places his hand on her waist and pulls her closer to him. She kisses the corner of his mouth.

"You catch the bad guy?" he asks.

"No. Cragen sent us home to get some shut eye. Start fresh in the morning. How'd everything go with Jacob?"

"Not so good. Adamantly refused to go down."

"Is that how he ended up sleeping on your chest?"

"Only place he would relax and go to sleep." He slides a hand into her panties and attaches his lips to her neck.

"He likes to cuddle," she moans when he slides a finger inside her.

"I'll remember that next time. So I was thinking."

"'Bout time," he nips at her neck and she giggles. "You were thinking?"

"Kathleen has this art show coming up. I think we should go."

"Why?"

"Well, Jacob is featured pretty heavily in it. I think it's something you would like to see."

"Do you?"

He pushes her panties to the side and slides inside her. His breath hitches. "Yes," he whispers.

"And who's going to be there?" She wraps her legs around his waist.

"Me," he kisses her, "you," another kiss, "Maybe, Maureen." He presses inside her. She moans into his kiss. "Will you come with me?" he asks and she knows he's no longer talking about the show.

"Yes."

It's her answer to both questions.

xXx

Olivia gazes at a picture of her son being fed cereal by Lizzie and can't help but smile. Below the photo says 'Hope'. Beside it, a close up of Jacob asleep. The caption below says 'Peace.' The show is a series of different photos of her son in various places with various things. All of them are powerful and moving in their own way. The final installment of photos are in a corner with a plaque that says 'Family'. "These are really great," she says to Elliot. He stands beside her with Jacob hanging from a sling around his chest.

"Yea, never knew she was so talented."

She nudges him. "You sound like a proud papa."

"I am. Look at this," he points to a photo where Jacob laughs at a funny face Dickie is making. Below it says 'Joy.' "I'm going to go congratulate her."

"Ok, I think I'm going to keep looking," she says and makes her rounds to each photo. There's a picture of Jacob crying while Maureen tries to console him. Below the photo says 'Pain.' The next photo is picture of Jacob holding onto a finger she assumes is Kathleen's. Below it says 'Trust.' The photo across from it is a photo of Elliot asleep in his favorite recliner. Jacob sleeps against his chest while Elliot lays a hand on his back. Beneath the photo says 'Love.' It's her favorite thus far. Beside it is the final photo and it's a selfie of Kathleen and Jacob, both smile brightly at the camera. This photo is in color as opposed to the others in Black and White except for the eyes of those showcased in each photo. Below it says, 'Thank You.'

"He's a cutie," a familiar voice says from behind her.

Olivia turns slowly to face the angry blue eyes of Kathy Stabler. "Thank you," she says meekly.

"You know, I wasn't going to come to this. Not after hearing who Kathleen decided to focus on and that you would be here."

"I'm sorry Kathy, if I had known-"

Kathy raises her hand. "It's fine. My kids are all I have now. I'm not going to let anything get in the way of my being there for them or their accomplishments. I wasn't going to approach you, but once I saw you I had to say something."

"Kathy, please-"

"Will you meet me for lunch?"

"What?"

"I want to talk to you. Will you meet me for lunch?"

"Umm… I don't think-"

"You owe me this, Olivia."

"Kathy-"

"You ruined my marriage the least you can do is sit down with me and answer a few questions."

"Fine," Olivia sighs.

"Tomorrow good?"

"Tomorrow's fine."

"Great. I'll text you the address. See you then," with that Kathy turns and walks away to disappear into the crowd.

"Everything Ok?" Elliot asks from behind her.

She turns to face him. "Yea. Where's Jacob?" she asks when she notices he's no longer hanging from the sling attached to Elliot's chest.

"Kathleen has him. She's about to make her speech, let's go."

They walk over to where a crowd gathers. Kathleen stands at the center with Jacob settled easily on her hip.

"Hi," Kathleen greets the crowd. "Thank you all for coming to view my final project as a high school senior. The title of my show is 'The World Through Jacob's Eyes' and it features myself along with my dad and siblings. Not too long ago my parents split up and my dad went on to have a child with another woman. That child is Jacob. At first I was determined not to like him, because I saw him as a permanent manifestation of my parents' broken marriage, but then my sister, being the annoying, pushy older sister she always is, forced me to spend some time with him and I couldn't help but fall in love with him the way my other siblings did. I mean look at this face how could you not?" The crowd laughs and she leans down and kisses Jacob's cheek. "He then became the inspiration for my senior project. After spending time with him I realized, he was innocent in all this and I wanted to showcase what he experienced through that innocence and I figured the best way to do that was to incorporate my family. So I want to thank all of you for coming here to see and hopefully understand my vision. I hope it is as meaningful to you as it has been for me. Thank you."

Olivia waits in the café where she and Kathy agreed to meet. She's ordered a latte that is now nearly halfway gone. She checks her watch, Kathy is now twenty minutes late and she wants to be home in time for Jacob's bedtime routine. Allyssa has had to put him to bed the past four nights because both she and Elliot have been swamped at work, but today they finally arrested their perp and he should be arraigned in the morning. She gives up, and puts down enough cash to cover her drink and the tip then heads outside where she spots Kathy Stabler.

"Kathy? How long have you been standing here?"

"Twenty minutes?"

"Well, uh, did you want to go inside?" She thumbs back to the café.

"No."

"No?"

"No, I can't sit at a table and have this conversation with you."

"But this was your idea."

"I know."

"Do you still want to talk?"

"Yes."

"Well where do you want to go?"

"My car's just around the corner."

"I'm not getting in a car with you."

"Well, can we just walk?"

"Sure, but I need to go in about 30 minutes."

"Fine."

Olivia gestures for Kathy to lead the way and falls in step beside her. "So what do you want to know?"

"I don't know. I don't know where to start."

"Kathy, you're the one that wanted to have this conversation."

"I know, but do you think this is easy for me? Talking with my husband's mistress? I came to you Olivia, and asked you to help me end my marriage and the whole time you were sleeping with my husband. Do you know how stupid I feel?"

"What? Kathy, You wanted to end your marriage. I had nothing to do with that."

"I asked you to encourage him to sign the papers and two days later, there he was, slipping them into my mailbox."

"Yes, because he wanted to. I had nothing to do with that. You think I wanted to be that person to him? Believe me Kathy, I wanted no part in your failed marriage. I was focused on trying to repair my partnership with him."

"And fucking him was your way of doing that?"

"No, Kathy. I was never having an affair with Elliot. Kathy when you asked to meet with me that day I had just gotten back from being undercover. There is no way I could have been sleeping with Elliot, because I was 3000 miles away."

"So when did it start?"

"When did what start? Elliot and I were never an item. We never had some ongoing affair."

"So how many times did it happen?"

"Once."

"Where?"

"My place."

"How?"

"What do you mean how?"

"How did it happen?"

"We got drunk," Olivia shrugs.

"That's it? You got drunk?"

"Didn't Elliot tell you all this?"

"Yes, but I thought he was lying. Or did you two meet up and get your story straight?"

"No, Kathy. That's exactly what happened. The only thing we discussed after was that we would both keep it quiet and pretend it never happened. For your sake. And your children's."

"So you two destroyed my family for a drunken fling?"

"We didn't-"

"I had to tell my children. Kathleen went off the deep end. Dickie almost got expelled, and Lizzie wouldn't say a word for weeks!" Kathy rages.

"I'm sorry, Kathy. I never meant for this to happen. I never meant to break up your family."

"Bullshit! You've wanted him for years! Admit it! Admit it!"

"There's nothing to admit, Kathy. It was all just an accident. We never meant to hurt you or the kids."

"Well I'm glad you didn't mean to hurts us. Thanks, that means a lot," Kathy rolls her eyes.

"What do you want from me Kathy?"

"What do I want? MY FAMILY WAS DESTROYED!"

"I know! But I can't change the past. I wish…I wish we never hurt anybody."

"You wish. My kids were a mess for weeks. The only thing that saved them was…that baby," she turns to look at Olivia and rolls her eyes before swiping tears from them. "Of course you got pregnant, because there's nothing more cliché than a cop fucking his partner and knocking her up."

"It's not like I got pregnant on purpose."

Kathy rolls her eyes. "Course you didn't."

"Like you didn't with Maureen?" Kathy stares at her in shock. "I never wanted any of this, but I'm glad I have my son and you're not going to put any of this on him."

"Why did you help him hide it? Why didn't you come to me?"

"Because it wasn't my place. Besides I didn't want to destroy your family. And it was what Elliot wanted."

"So you just let him get away with it? Just like that?"

"He wanted you. He wanted to protect your family and… If Elliot didn't want Jacob, then he didn't deserve him. I wasn't going to force him to man up and handle his responsibilities."

"So, are you two together now?"

"No."

"Don't lie to me."

"I'm not lying to you. We've been seeing each other, yes. But we're not together."

"What does that even mean?

"It means it's between me and Elliot. What we do behind closed doors is our business."

"He's my-"

"Ex-Husband. You don't get a say in his sex life and you definitely don't get a say in mine."

"Have you guys told the kids?"

"I don't know. I left that up to Elliot."

Kathy nods. "I-I thought this would be easier," she admits as tears burn her eyes. "I thought hearing the truth and getting all the answers would somehow help, but it doesn't," she says bewildered. "I should go. I need to go."

"Alright. You good to drive home?"

"Yea, yea I'm good."

xXx

Elliot paces his living room with a fussy Jacob in his arms. Teething. "I know, I know buddy. I'm sorry that it hurts," he soothes. "How long does it take for Tylenol to kick in?" A knock on the door pauses his pacing. He heads to the door and checks the peephole before opening the door. "Kathy, what are you doing here? It's late."

"I need to talk to you," she pushes her way in and Elliot can smell the vodka on her as soon as she passes by him.

"Kath, maybe we should do this tomorrow. I know you've been drinking."

"It's not fair."

"What's not fair?"

"That she get's to have you. She ruined our family and now she gets to have you," she rambles on nonsensically.

"Who? Who is she?"

"Olivia!" she shrieks and the sheer shrill of her voice scares Jacob and causes him to start crying.

"Shhh," Elliot soothes as he rubs the baby's back.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry," Kathy apologizes. She marches into the kitchen and opens the freezer. He watches as she takes out a few ice cubes and drops them in a cup. "Here," she pushes the cup into his hand.

"What?"

"He's teething right?"

"How did you?"

"I could hear him fussing through the door, plus the drool and it's obvious he has a fever. Four kids remember?"

"Yea, I was there."

"No, you weren't."

"Here sit down," Elliot leads her to the couch where she sits and he takes a seat beside her. He holds an ice cube to Jacob's mouth, and he gums on it happily.

"Did you give him some Tylenol."

"Yea, about twenty minutes ago."

"It should kick in soon."

"So what were you talking about?"

"Olivia told me you two are seeing each other."

Elliot takes a deep breath. This is not a conversation he wants to have with his ex-wife at 11 o'clock at night. "Yea, we have been."

"She also said you're not together."

"We're not."

"How does that work?"

He shrugs. "It just does."

"Have you told the kids?"

"No… we're not at that point yet. Besides I think it's too soon. I don't want to hurt them again."

She nods. "It's not fair. She took you from me."

"No, Kathy she didn't. I begged you to stay with me remember? You adamantly said no."

"You cheated on me! With her and got her pregnant. How were we supposed to come back from that?!"

"We could have at least tried."

"No, we couldn't. You know, I thought it would be easier by now. At first, I was so angry. All the time. About everything. I was just so angry that I was tired of it and I thought that once I got past the anger I would be ok, but now- now it just hurts," she cries. "And I keep picking this apart to try and make sense of it so that maybe it will hurt less, and it's just-it's just not working," she looks up at him with tear filled blue eyes.

"Kathy, I'm sorry. The last thing I ever wanted to do was hurt you."

"It's not your fault. Well at least not all your fault."

"But it is. That night I…I wanted it to happen. It was me."

"I don't understand you said you were drunk."

"I was, but," he sighs. "I had feelings for her… and I acted on them but I never would have if I hadn't been drunk," he finishes quickly. "The alcohol… lowered my inhibitions and I did something I swore I would never do."

"If you had feelings for her then why did you get back together with me?" It dawns on her before he can answer. "Because I got pregnant and asked you to come home."

"I'm sorry Kath, I'm so sorry."

She nods. Her eyes fall to Jacob, who stares at her with sleepy eyes. She uses her knuckle to rub his cheek and he smiles at her. "He's a beautiful baby."

"Thank you."

"I should go."

"No, not like this. You shouldn't be driving."

"I'm not. I'm going to take an Uber back to my car. I should be good to drive by then."

"You sure? You can always stay here. Or I could drive you home."

"And what would you do with him?" she nods to the baby in his arms. "Wait, she's not here is she?"

"No, she got called out on a case about an hour ago. It's just us."

"You always watch him when she goes in?"

"If I'm available yea. She's pretty good about letting me spend as much time with him as I want."

"You guys really worked this parenting thing out. That's good. You picking up the twins this weekend?"

"Yea, I'll be there on Friday."

"I'll see you Friday then." He watches as she stands and walks towards the door. He follows behind her as she pauses and takes one final look at him before opening the door and walking through it.

He locks the door behind her, but remains standing as he listens to the elevator doors open and close. He sways gently and rocks Jacob as he contemplates the conversation they've just had. It's not long before he feels a pair of arms wrap around him from behind and a set of lips press against the smooth skin of his back.

"Tell me, how much of that did you hear?"

"Enough of it," Olivia answers. He turns to face her and kisses her softly on the lips. "You ok?"

"Yea, but that was tough."

"I know. It was hard for me too today. I feel guilty."

"Me too."

"You know. That night, It wasn't just you."

"What?"

"It wasn't just you. I was attracted to you. I wanted you and I. Knew better. I should have said no."

"I'm kinda glad you didn't," Elliot admits.

"If you had feelings for me, why didn't you ever say anything?"

"I was going to. It's the reason I signed the papers. I wanted to be free before I made my move and I also wanted us to be in a good space, but then things happened with Kathy and I never had the opportunity. I think that night I saw my chance and I took it."

"I'm kinda glad you did," she looks down at their son, who is now sleeping. "How'd you get him to settle down?"

"Kathy suggested ice cubes. Worked like a charm."

"You always said she was a good mom."

"She was. Is."

"Let's go to bed."

"Ok," he follows her down the hallway to his bedroom. "Why did you lie to her about me being here?"

"She just poured her feelings out to me. I didn't want to add insult to injury," he says as he tucks Jacob into his crib.

"So what were you going to do if she took you up on your offer to spend the night?" Olivia asks as she makes herself comfortable in his bed.

"Hide you in the closet," he smirks.

"You're such an ass."

"But I'm a cute one," he kisses her goodnight.

"Night."

"Night."