Chapter 16:
I wake up Christmas morning, not sure what all the noise is about, I just head to the kitchen. Breakfast is buffet style; I help myself to toast, carrot juice, and oatmeal. Once done I head for the noise in the rec room.
I see the kerfuffle in the rec room along with most of the adults, and they are laughing at the antics of my dad. He's wearing a red jacket, with white fur lined trim, red pants, and a black belt. He is handing out packages to the kerfuffle. I sit back down in my corner from last night, and draw dad in the red costume, with red pants and a black belt. Mom is wearing a green hat and a sweater with green trees all over it, and black sweat pants, with green pointed shoes. I then draw mom in the same picture, but put her in a green dress. In the picture dad is handing one of the kits a gayly wrapped package. When I finish, I walk over to the group. "Morning son, sleep well?" I shook my head yes, and hand him the picture. "Whoa son, I'm the one handing out gifts". Nick takes the picture, looks at it, and passes it to Stu and Bonnie. They look at it, and ask if they could keep it. I say yes, it was meant to be shared. Bonnie gets up with the picture, and puts it on a bulletin board just inside the door. Some of the adults get up to go look at it. Some are amazed that I can draw so well, and so fast, as they saw me drawing it just now. Dad motions me over, and says merry Christmas son, as he hands me a brightly wrapped package. I look down at the package, and then look up at dad. Well open it, he says. I rip the wrapping off, and open the box. In side is a blue shirt, a shiny brass badge and some plastic hand cuffs. I'm not sure what to think about this gift, as I had never received one before. I thank dad with a hug, I kiss mom, and go change into the shirt.
I then come back into the room with the badge pinned to my shirt, and walk up to dad, and in a low voice, say. "All right mister your coming with me", I make this pronouncement and motion him to put his hands behind his back. At this, the room goes quiet. Dad plays along, "but officer I've done nothing wrong. I've got you on bribery charges, and possible theft charges. I have observed you trying to get on everyone's good side by giving them gifts. But that's my job, giving out gifts. Do you have a license? Well no, do you have receipts for these gifts? Ahh no, and I can see you've been taking them out from under this tree. Did you put them there? Ah no. So, let me get this straight, you are handing out unknown gifts, that have been placed under the tree, by unknown mammals, handing them out to individuals, you are not licensed to do so, and this makes them happy. Your deeper in it than I thought". At this the room erupts into laughter. Dad and mom just hug me, and we all laugh along. The rest of the day is spent in fun and games.
As I fall asleep, I think about the day, and the questions I want to ask. When I get to the meadow, Susan is waiting for me. We embrace, and just sit down, and hold each other. Gab comes over, "Hi, guys, he says, you look like you have questions. Gab, what is Christmas? Whoa, you sure don't pick easy questions do you. Well Daniel, Christmas is a time of celebration, Family, friends, the end of the year, and the belief in something bigger, not the commercialization that it has evolved into. Celebration? I ask. Christmas was a religious holiday before it was commercialized holiday. Why was it Commercialized? Many people don't want to believe, so the beliefs were taken out and gifts and merriment were put in. But what is the belief that was taken out? The belief that there is a greater power than what we see. Is there a greater power? That you will have to discover for yourself. But if there is a greater power, why does such bad things happen in the world, asks Susan. I assume you are asking for yourself? Susan blushes red, and just nods yes. Well there is free will in the world, and some times greedy people exercise their right to control other individuals. I am afraid you are caught up in some one else's dream, or nightmare, depending on how you look at it. So, belief is a perspective? Yes, but that's only part of it. Actions are also part of it. If you believe, that you can do no wrong, in your eyes you can do anything you want and it's not wrong. So, what should we believe in? I can't tell you what to believe in, that you have to discover for yourselves. What I can tell you, is if you don't believe in something, you will fall for anything. Well I believe in what's before me, and in this place, this love. That is a good start, but there is a lot more to it, and action speak just as loud as words".
Gab leaves us at this point, and I turn to Susan, "some how I will get you out of there, I promise. I know you will Daniel, but please don't try to do it alone. I won't do it alone, I need to find more adults, but I can't use mom and dad. Why not? Because, I have a bad feeling, if I get them involved, we will lose them, I don't want us to lose them. Am I being selfish? Susan hugs me hard. I know you will find a way; I have faith in you". We then spend the rest of our time together wrapped up in our love for each other.
It was after Christmas, when we got home to Zootopia. New years eve in fact, I tried to stay awake for the big ball drop in central square, but fell asleep about 11:00 pm. I was really sorry that I missed it, but there's always next year. Gab had given me a lot of things to think about, and think about them I had. I decided for the moment that I would look inside first, before I looked out.
I started my journey by thinking of tunnels, but that didn't feel right, I then tried thinking if rooms, but that also didn't feel right. What started me on my journey, was actually a combination of both. I envisioned the tunnels as halls and the halls being circles, with rooms every 10 feet. As I went down the halls, I would open rooms and flip on the lights in each room. As I came to a dark section of hall, I would look for the light switch to turn on the lights. Some times the lights would be burnt out, and I would have to go for bulbs in a supply closet on every floor. After completing a floor, I would climb the stairs to the next one, and begin all over again. This went on every night for months, tell finally I got to the top, and I could find no more switches and bulbs.
The halls were dark, I was scared, but determined to do this. I started walking these halls with a light I found on another floor. These halls were dark and dirty, I found the supply closet on this floor, had cleaning supplies and bulbs. So, getting out the cleaning supplies, I started to wash the halls. As I washed, a dim glow would come from the walls, and light sockets would appear. When I found the light sockets, I would screw in a new bulb, and this section would light up. I still went into the rooms, and some lights would come on some wouldn't, but all the rooms were dirty, and I had to clean them all. I could feel fear growing as I moved down the hall, but I would not let this stop me. Finally, I came to the end, this hall ended in a door, and I tried to open it, but it would not budge.
"Daniel, I called out, let me in. NO, you're here to destroy me. I'm not here to destroy you, I love you. You don't love me you hate me. No Daniel I don't hate you; we are one, how can I hate myself? But you do hate me, I force you to hate yourself". I have to think about it, and I realize, there were times I did hate myself. I also found times I feared what I could do, and I did find times I was angry with myself. I had to sit down and think about this.
"Yes, Daniel there have been times when I feared what we could do, but fear is a good thing, it makes us think about our choices. With out fear, we would make a lot more bad choices, and I would be angry with bad choices. But we have never lashed out or hurt anyone in anger. But you have made bad choices. Yes, we have, but we can't be ruled by our bad choices, all we can do is acknowledge our mistakes, rectify them and move on, we are not the sum of our mistakes. As for hate, yes, I get mad and hate my self, but that's only so we can make better choices later. Come Daniel, let me in". I hear a whine from the other side of the door, but the door clicks open. I am scared, and fearful at what I would find, but I walk in anyway. There I find a smaller version of myself cowering in the corner. I look at myself and I don't fear myself any more. "Come Daniel, I say, as I hold out my arms to him. What will we become? I don't know, but we find out together". At this, he gets up and we embrace.
I would like to say that there was some earth-shattering experience, but that didn't happen. We embraced and cried, and I slowly melted into myself. When I stood up, we were one. Did I feel any different? Not really, all I felt was whole, and in control.
This was quite the journey, and I was exhausted all I wanted to do was sleep. But I found myself in the meadow. "Well done, said Gab. I look at Gab, and say, that was a hard-fought journey. It was only as hard as you wanted it to be. I guess I'm hard on myself. No harder than anyone else. So, what would you like to learn now? I need to learn how to defend myself. I reply. Very good, we will start tomorrow. Sleep well".
I wake the next morning, feeling like I had run around the block 29 times. I use the bathroom, and drag myself downstairs. Dad takes one look at me, and asks, "you feeling ok sport?" I tell him I'm just tired. Mom feels my forehead, "well you are not running a fever, just tired I reply". Mom and Dad kiss and hug me as they head out the door for work. Vivian looks at me with concern, "I'm fine grandma, just tired". I finish breakfast, and start to node off. Grandma picks me up, and we head upstairs. Bathroom I say, and she take us there. When the door closes, she looks at me, "what happened Daniel? Grandma I just had a journey last night, and I really am just tired. You would tell me if it was something else? Yes grandma". Vivian then picks me up and puts me to bed, I'm asleep before my head hits the pillow.
"Subject "J" was not feeling well this morning, kept saying he was tired. After breakfast he went right back to sleep. Do we have a reason why he was tired? Well he had a very restless sleep last night, kept kicking and tossing all night. Do any of the other subjects show the same symptoms? No Sir, "J" was the only one. Were there any stimuli yesterday that might have riled him up? No Sir, he was having a quiet day at home. Right, I don't see anything to worry about then.
How are the link tests coming? We have hit a road block, we aren't getting any response from them. All right I want you to split them into two groups, bunnies on one side hybrids on the other, and put them into separate rooms. They have never been apart sir. Well maybe this will get a response out of them". (from the files of the institute)