FIVE

Things were…tense in the household. They weren't good that's for sure. Bella had taken the departure of the Cullen's far worse than any of us could have predicted. She was lifeless, like a zombie, it was disturbing to watch. She sat in the rocking chair in front of her window, and just sort of looked out of it. She sat there for hours and hours. Sometimes only getting up to use the bathroom or eat something. Sometimes even getting her to eat something was a struggle.

Nights were worse. She had horrible nightmares, screeching, and ear-piercing nightmares. Sometimes she wouldn't wake from them on her own so dad and I would take shifts in her room and try to catch her in them early so she'd wake from them. Sometimes it worked…other times were difficult. I had gotten a black eye and bloody nose a time or two from trying to wake her. Both of us were exhausted, almost perpetually. I struggled to maintain good grades while not falling asleep in class. Thank goodness for Angela or I'm sure I'd be failing half my classes. Angela was a god send, she'd make sure the others didn't wake me if I fell asleep during lunch hour, but she also made sure I ate. Bella often times just sat at the old Cullen table, looking broken and lost.

I on the other hand spent my time hanging out with Mike, Tyler and Angela or Jake and his friends at the reservation. Mike was fun to hang around and so was Tyler, Jessica was ok with it especially when she had caught sight of the ring on my hand. I'd worn it for so long now I had forgotten that many people hadn't made the connection. Lauren who was still bitter over Tyler often pointed out that he had left me and didn't want me. Only to be shut up by the scowls and dark looks from the others at the table. Down at the Reservation I had hung out with Jake and his friends, enjoying my time on the beach learning new mechanic type things as Jake worked on the VW Rabbit. And like a good best friend he never asked, and never really spoke about what happened, he just kept me busy and distracted me.

I looked forward to Sundays now, and that had little to do with religion. The Cullen had kept their word and emailed me about once a week. They never told me where they were, but they always told me stories about what they were up to. They had for the most part separated, Carlisle and Esme were somewhere in Rio, Alice was with them on occasion. Emmett and Rose were somewhere in Paris, Jasper…he was still stateside. He wrote me letters, declarations of love, poems that had my heart racing, and of course parts of those letters were NOT pg-13, they had my face red and heart racing and myself a little more than excited. All of them sent me photos, and I had accumulated them in a photo album, that remained in the locked drawer of my desk, along with the scrapbook I had created with the birthday camera photos.

Bella never had a clue, but I was thankful I had locked everything up.

~*~Memory~*~

At first, I thought I was still dreaming. But I realized that the nose was much too real to be dreaming. Jolting out of bed I leaned over and switched on the light and my jaw dropped at the sight. My room was trashed! Everything was strewn about my room, clothes everywhere. All my books that were in my bookcase were now in a large pile scattered on the floor. All the clothes from my drawers scattered and thrown carelessly out of my closet. My reading cocoon was upended. The perpetrator was still in the room tossing papers, documents, and sending things crashing on to the floor from my desk.

"Isabella Marie Swan what the hell?!" I demanded outraged.

Her skin was sickly, she wasn't getting enough nutrients, she rarely went outside, and there were dark circles under her eyes, from the sleepless nights due to the nightmares that plagued her dreams. Her hair was resembling a rat's nest, greasy and tangled. Her eyes were wild and unfocused, like a wild animals almost.

She was about to go after my electronics when I scrambled of the bed and managed to pry her hands away from my desk and laptop.

"What the hell is your problem?!" I demanded.

Her eyes seemed to zero in on my ring, I never took it off.

"You have to know something about them," She whispered.

I looked at her confused.

"What are you talking about?"

"Them, you have to be still in contact right? Or did he leave you just like me?"

I finally realized what she was talking about.

"The Cullen's left Bella,"

"But they have still be in contact with you still right?" Her eyes locked onto my laptop behind me.

"What the hell is going on here?!"

Charlie came thundering into my room his eyes bulged dangerously at the sight of my room trashed.

"She's keeping things from me!" Bella screeched.

Both of us winced at the pitched.

"That does not give you the permission to trash your sister's room at one in the morning!" Charlie said angrily.

"And I'm not keeping anything from you Bella, you don't need to trash my things. Just ask." I bit out.

"You're hiding something and I want to know what it is!"

She lunged towards the laptop and began scratching and clawing trying to get around me. I fought her off best I could but I was petite and she held both weight and height above me. Charlie managed to pry her off.

"That's ENOUGH!"

Whatever it was, it seemed to snap her out of it and she went limp and lifeless again. I helped Charlie put her back into her room. Both of us shared a worried look at her outburst.

~*~ Memory End~*~

The incident was never spoken of again, and if Bella had any memory of it, she made no mention of it to me or Charlie. But in small mercies it did make me go through my things and clear out both closet and bookcase of things I no longer wanted/needed. It also allowed me to convince Charlie to put a lock on my door, I now locked my room whenever I wasn't in there not taking any chances. Things between Bella and I never really recovered from then on either.

JANUARY

"That's it, Bella! I'm sending you home!" Charlie said slamming his first down on the breakfast table.

I looked up at him startled, as did Bella. Bella had been staring dejectedly at her bowl of cereal as I was eating my own bowl of fruit loops.

"I am home," she mumbled confused.

"I'm sending you to Renee, to Jacksonville," He clarified.

Bella's face crumpled.

"What did I do?"

Dad scowled. To be fair to Bella, considering how she had been at the beginning she was doing better. She hadn't missed a day of school or work. Her grades were good, and she never went anywhere or broke curfew. Which there in lay the problem.

"You don't do anything. That's the problem. You never do anything."

"You want me to get in trouble?" Bella asked mystified.

"Trouble would be better than this – this moping around all the time."

"I am not moping around," She argued.

I raised an eyebrow, but she seemed to ignore me.

"Wrong word," He grudgingly conceded. "Moping would be better – that would be doing something. You're just – lifeless Bella."

"I'm sorry dad,"

Even her apology was flat.

"I don't want you to apologize." Charlie said.

Bella sighed.

"Then tell me what you want me to do."

Bella, honey, you're not the first person to go through this kind of thing, you know."

I could tell that Charlie was choosing his words carefully.

"I know that," Bella said grimacing.

"Listen, honey. I think that – that maybe you need some help."

"Help?" Bella asked confused.

"When your mother left with you both, that was a really bad time for me." He began.

He was trying to open up, something I hadn't ever seen him do, and Bella was just looking at him with a blank look on his face. I wanted to smack her.

"I know,"

"But I handled it," He pointed out. "Honey, you're not handling it. I waited, I hoped it would get better."

She turned her gaze from him.

"I think we both know it's not getting better."

"I'm fine."

"No you're not Bella. It's been four months –" I stated.

She gave me a withering glare. At least it was something different than the lifeless look she normally gave. I'm sure she still blamed me for everything. I caught her glaring at me frequently when she thought I wasn't looking, She stared at me and the ring I wore with contempt.

"It's beyond me, Bella. Maybe Renee – "

"Look," she said in a flat voice. "I'll go out tonight, if you want. I'll call Jess or Angela."

At that I wanted to roll my eyes.

That's IF they still are willing to go out with you. Angela would because she's a sweetheart, but Jess….who knows?

"That's not what I want," He argued, frustrated. "I don't think I can live through seeing you try harder. I've never seen anyone try so hard. It hurts to watch."

Bella glared at the table.

"I don't understand, dad. First you're mad because I'm not doing anything, and then you say you don't want me to go out."

"I want you to be happy – no, not even that much. I just want you to not be miserable. I think you'll have a better chance if you get out of Forks." Charlie said reasonably.

Her eyes flashed dangerous.

"I'm not leaving," she said seriously.

"Why not?" He demanded.

"It's my last semester of school – it would screw everything up."

"You're a good student – you'll figure it out." Charlie countered.

"I don't want to crowd mom and Phil." She tried again.

"Renee has been dying to have you back,"

"Florida is too hot," she argued.

"Seriously Bella, you lived in Phoenix, the humidity is worse, yes the heat is about the same." I retorted.

Charlie's fist came down on the table again, the dishes clattering at the motion.

"We both know what is really going on here, Bella, and it's not good for you." He took a deep breath. "It's been four months. No calls, no letters, no contact. You can't keep waiting for him."

Bella's face glowered. The subject had been taboo and Charlie and I had been dancing around it.

"It's not healthy." He said quietly.

"Why isn't she getting the third degree?" Bella asked pointed at me vehemently.

I blinked in surprise at her venom,

"Lettie is handling it, far better than you, might I add."

"Well we all can't be perfect like little Lettie." She hissed dashing up from the table.

She dumped the bowl in the sink.

"I'll make plans with Jessica," She called over her shoulder.

"Maybe I won't be home for dinner. We'll go to Port Angeles and watch a movie."

With that she was gone, I frown and felt hurt prickle at me.

"Don't worry about what she said." Charlie said softly.

"Still hurts," I muttered pushing a fruit loop around the bowl.

Charlie sighed and pulled me into a hug.

"Don't you worry your head about it little bear. You're hurting just as much as she is and I kills me inside to see that. You doing ok?" He asked.

I shrugged.

"Some days are better than others, I admitted."

"Things will get better," He promised.

I hoped so, even with keeping in contact with the Cullen still made things hard. I wanted to see them. I wanted Jasper to help me fall asleep at night. I missed them, I missed him the most.

Jake had surprised me picking me up from school and kidnapped me to the reservation that night. Apparently Charlie was in on the whole idea, and I was thankful for the distraction. I wasn't sure I could stand another night of Bella's nightmares. But apparently my fears were unfounded as I had received a text from Jessica.

To: Scarlett

From: Jessica S.

Your sister is crazy.

After further digging she had had somehow convinced Jessica to convince her to take her to Port Angeles to go see a movie. There she had gotten on the back of a motorcycle with a complete stranger. She eventually returned to Jessica, but she seemed weird, all hyped out. Apologizing to Jess I assured her it wouldn't happen twice. Jess, while unhappy, said it was cool. But apologizing for Bella was wearing on me. I seemed to apologize for her a lot.

Jake seemed to distract me though, we went fishing that night in one of the nearby creeks, and we had pizza for dinner with Billy. He seemed happier now that the Cullen family was gone, but he did share his condolences on their departure for me at least. He knew I was close to the family, no doubt hear it from Jake. The next morning after breakfast Jake and I hung out in his garage as he worked on the Rabbit. My old ripped up jeans adorned my legs and one of Jacob's too big t-shirts enveloped me. In the last eight months he'd seeming grown into his once lanky awkward body. He was still tall, but his muscles and tendons grew beneath the skin and the planes of his cheekbones, his jaw squared off, he was a very handsome young man.

I heard a familiar roar approaching the house, looking out past the rain I saw the familiar rusty red of the truck.

"What's my sister doing here?" I asked.

If I was honest, I was annoyed. The reservation was my means of escaping her. It seemed I couldn't escape her at all.

Jacob rustled my hair and headed outside. I grinned at him but the smile faded when his back was turned. He still liked Bella, and hopefully Bella wouldn't bring him down with her weird gloomy depressive funk she was in.

"Jacob! You grew again," I heard her accuse him a genuine smile on her face.

While I was happy to see an emotion on her face other than mopey mopsy, I was kind of irritated with her.

"Come on let's get inside you're getting all wet."

I had already gone inside, when Billy handed me a towel for my hair.

"Hey dad," Jake called. "Look who stopped by."

Billy and I were in the tiny square living room, he had been reading when I had come in.

"Well, what do you know! It's good to see you, Bella."

Bella and Billy shook hands. Billy looked concerned.

"What brings you out here? Everything okay with Charlie?"

"Yes, absolutely. I just wanted to see Jacob – haven't seen him in forever."

Jake beamed and my eyes narrowed. Something was going on, I headed back outside to her truck which had been backed in the bed of the truck facing the garage. A tarp was covering something. Jacob and Bella had headed out to the garage, I took a peek under the tarp and I felt my anger shoot up to a boil. I immediately flipped around and headed into the garage.

"What the hell are those Bella?!" I demanded.

Bella looked at me bored, but her expression changed when she looked at Bella.

"Jacob what do you know about motorcycles?"

Jake shrugged.

"Some, my friend Embry has a dirt bike. We work on it together sometimes."

And we had recently, in fact.

"Well," she paused.

Her eyes looked uncertain, deceptive.

"I recently acquired a couple bikes, and they're not in the greatest condition. I was wondering if you could get them running?"

Jake's face glowed with the challenged.

"Sounds good."

My face dropped. This didn't bode well.

"The thing is, Charlie doesn't approve of them. Honest he would probably bust a vein in his forehead if he knew. You can't tell Billy. Either of you." She said looking at me and Jake pointedly.

I frowned. Charlie didn't like motorcycles, but he seemed ok enough with it when Jasper was riding one with me.

"Sure, sure. I understand." Jake responded.

"I'll pay you," she continued.

"No. I want to help." He argued.

"Well – how about a trade then? I only need the one bike and I'll need lessons, too. I'll give you the other bike, and you can teach me."

This was a recipe for disaster. If only I knew how right I was.

The next day Bella went back over the Jake's. Much to Charlie's surprise. I could tell that he was pleased that she was getting out of the house, but that it also bothered me in a way I couldn't exactly explain to him. I hung around the house, do the chores that Bella forgot, and my homework. Billy came into town with Harry Clearwater and we all watched the game. I missed this, but I missed my best friend too. Eventually we returned out to the Reservation, for dinner. Billy had invited us to dinner for spaghetti, one of my favorite meals that he made.

I felt my heart drop a bit when I saw Jake and Bella come out holding hands. I was happy that she was happy, but I was also sad. I didn't want Jacob to be hurt, and this whole motorcycle fiasco seemed to be another plot. Sue – Harry's wife – and their son, Seth came over to join us. While Jake seemed more focused on Bella, I spoke with Seth, he was very sweet and endearing. He seemed to idolize Jake. The rain never seemed to stop in even in La Push so our dinner party was cut short. I felt like parts of me were being lost while Bella found herself. I wasn't entirely certain that was a good thing.