Chapter 33:
When we get home, I go to my room, and start the introspective that Izzy asked me to do. And as I look the more horrified, I get. Not with anyone else but with myself. By the time supper rolls around I'm to worked up to eat. Susan came into the room and asks me if I'm ok. I'm not feeling well I respond, I'm sure it will be better later. She just shrugs and heads to the table. I sink lower, but I firm up my resolve. How could I have let myself get this far? But I really didn't "let" myself anything, I just did and that's part of the problem. I have no answers on how to straighten this out, but I have to come clean.
I leave my room after supper, and can feel that everyone is in the living room. As I come around the corner into the living room, dad can see something is up. "Daniel you doing ok"? "No dad, I'm not, could I call a family meeting, please"? This gets the attention of everyone, the TV is shut off, along with the radio, and I can see I have their undivided attention. I take a few calming breaths, "if everyone could hold their questions tell after I'm done, I would apricate it. I need to get through this in one go, I don't think I could if I had to start and stop".
"The first thing I would like to say is, I'm Sorry. I once promised Gab that I would not be judge, jury, or executioner. And I have become all three. Mom, dad, I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner about my siblings and littermates, I hung on to that secret for a year, not wanting to get you involved. I told myself it was because I feared for your safety, but the truth be told, I wanted to be the hero. I wanted to do it all. Dad I am sorry how I have treated you. I've run roughshod over you and your feelings, I've butted heads with you trying to take the family over, portraying that I could do it better. I was just being a tyrannical dictator.
I've laid compulsions on you all at one time or another. I've done things to you all, that a family meeting should have been called for, and I alone decided what was best. I'm sorry family I've treated you all badly, and I…I understand if you can't forgive me, I'm having a hard time forgiving myself. Susan I'm sorry I've hurt you most of all, how can you love someone like me, when I don't love myself. I…I hope you can all forgive me, but I will understand if you can't. Mavis I would like you to cancel my access code, I should not be allowed to run rough over my family, I love them but I haven't treated them very well". "Are you sure, Daniel"? "Yes, Mavis I'm sure".
"Mavis cancel last request, executive override Nickolas P Wilde omega 1600". "Executive override accepted last request cancelled". Susan gets up, and coming over to me, sucker punches me in the solar plex. "You deserve that Daniel". I lay there with tears in my eyes, trying to catch my breath. "Yes, I do", I say. "And this is for admitting you have a problem, and asking for help with it". She then hugs me and kisses me; she kisses me longer than necessary. As we lay there, in each others arms; dad speaks.
"Daniel…son, I'm glad that you finally see it. I don't know how much longer I could have let you go on. It was hard on me watching you, self destruct. I knew if I confronted you with it, we would have had a fight, and I'm afraid I would have come out the loser. Son you once stopped me from making a big fool out of myself and for that I am ever grateful, but I couldn't do the same for you. Dad's don't always know what's best for our children, and we hurt when we can't help them. Yes, I could have overridden the alarm at any time, but I saw the merit in it. And I'm sure I'm not the only one that forgives you, but please talk to us? That's what families do. Were not the enemy, son". I get up, and jump into dad arms, "I love you dad", "I love you son", he says as he kisses the top of my head and hugs me. "You hungry Daniel"? "A little I respond". "Your supper is in the warming tray".
As I sit across from Susan eating my supper, I can see her concern, I tighten my resolve and open myself to her fully. I share everything, all my hopes and dreams, all my wants and desires, and the depths of my insecurities. but most of all I show her my love for her and the family. She's kind of blown away at the depth of it, but then she opens herself up to me, I see her as she sees herself, all her wants and desires, her hopes and dreams, and I feel her love for me and the family. We just stare at each other, my meal forgotten for the moment. Our bond with each other is now fully formed.
My family comes in, one by one, and forgives me, some give me the warning that what Susan did, they would do worst if I ever tried to go tyrannical dictator again. But through it all their love for me shone through. Izzy comes in, before she says anything, I grab her in a bear hug. "Thank you, Izzy, I would have never looked if you had not asked me to". "It's all right Daniel, I'm just glad I could help, but the one you need to talk to is Gab". "Izzy I can't face him right now, I'm so ashamed of what I have done". "You will face him Daniel, I don't think you have much choice in the matter". Grandpa comes in,
"Daniel, the compulsion you put on me in the park, was bad, I had no choice in the matter, but if you had not, William might have died while you tried to explain what needed to be done. So, Daniel, I forgive you, but please try to explain yourself a little better next time"? He then reaches over and hugs me. The last one in is mom.
"Hey son, I know I don't say son often enough, it looks like we have a lot in common". "How's that mom"? "Daniel, I hurt your father as hard as you just did. That disastrous press conference where I said all predators were savages, because it was in their DNA, I lost him, even though at the time I thought I was right. When your dad walked away from me, my heart broke and I lost the will to be a cop. I guess even then I loved him, he was my only friend in Zootopia at the time. And for him to turn his back on me just showed me how far down I had fallen".
"I had achieved all that I dreamed for, I was a real cop. But the victory was hollow and the job had no meaning with out him near me. So, I…I walked away from my dream, because my dream had changed. I saw no way to fix what I had broken, and I felt bad for leaving it that way. But then a friend gave me the answer, and I hoped I could find Nick to help me fix things. But I was still broken when I did find him, and he was still walking away from me, I believed I had lost everything. I then bared my soul to him, and he forgave me, I saw myself with some redeeming qualities".
"We then went on to solve the Nighthowler incident, and while we were limping back to the station, Chief Bogo handed me my badge and told me that the next time I wanted a leave of absence, to fill out the paperwork before hand. I couldn't stand the thought of not having Nick in my life, so I convinced him to try for the police academy. Unknow to both of us, Chief Bogo had put a word into the academy, that if Nickolas Wilde ever put an application in, that he would indorse it. The point is son, that was the start of our family, your dad and I lifted each other out of the holes we had dug for ourselves, and we did it with love for each other. And I'm sure that the hole you dug for yourself may look deep, but standing from out here, it's not that deep". "Thanks mom", I said as I hugged her.
I dreaded falling asleep, I had nothing left in me to fight with, I was totally exhausted. But fall asleep I did, and I found myself in the meadow. I just curled into a ball and cried. Gab just walked over and curled around me as I cried. He stroked me and purred at me, and slowly my heart wrenching sobs stopped. "Feeling better Daniel"? "Not really Gab, I must be the biggest disappointment to you. I broke the only thing you asked of me, and for what, power? Oh, how I misused that power, what I did with it is unforgivable".
"Nothing is unforgiveable Daniel, your family forgave you, why wouldn't I"? "But Gab, what I did I can't forgive myself for". "Daniel, there is an old saying, "power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts Absolutely". You just had your fist taste of power, and you didn't like the results. You got the results you were looking for, but you stepped on people to get it".
"Power is a force of nature, it is neither good or bad, it just is. How we use it is another matter, you have to decide how to use it properly". "Gab I don't want this power, it hurts to much". "Those who seek power, are most likely to abuse it. Those who shun power are most likely to use it wisely. Daniel, I believe you are one of the wise one. As a police officer Daniel, you will be faced with situations, and will have to use your power to rectify the situation. And yes Daniel, some of those situations will hurt, but you have to decide to do what is right, and not just convenient".
"How do I decide what is right"? "Daniel, are you asking me for my help"? "Yes Gab, I need your help. Then your next set of lessons begins tomorrow night. Bring Susan and your Grand parents tomorrow night". "Ok, and I'm truly sorry Gab. Daniel", "I forgive you, just as I forgave all the rest".