Four hours later, a knock sounded at his door.
"Killua?"
Killua stayed right where he was, his arms folded across his chest as he perched on the edge of the windowsill, his head tilted toward the sun that was slowly being hidden away by the rumbling gray clouds.
Click. He didn't look up when the light footsteps paused before him, nor when Kurapika leaned against the wall next to him.
"I'm guessing things went well this morning. That must be why you're so angry."
Wait a minute… "Huh?" Killua glanced up at Kurapika, quirking an eyebrow in confusion.
Kurapika's lips quivered slightly, as though he were trying to keep himself from smiling. "I'm guessing that your romantic gesture – making breakfast for Gon – resulted in you getting a step closer to admitting your true feelings to him. And you're upset because of it."
Killua stared. Despite his face seeming calm and composed, Kurapika's eyes glimmered with the sort of mischief that Killua normally associated with someone like Leorio.
Then, Kurapika sighed. "Killua," he said, his soothing voice complementing the soft patter of raindrops landing on the window. "What would you think if Gon told you that he had feelings for you?"
A streak of yellow cut through the once cerulean sky, now tainted with much darker hues. "You know what I would think."
"Do I?" Kurapika said softly, his eyes downcast. "Or would you think that something were wrong with him for liking you?"
"No!" Killua said immediately, jumping up and turning to face Kurapika. "Of course not! I'd be…really happy." A blush crept up his neck as he contemplated the possibility.
"Then why do you find yourself so repulsive for being in love with him, Killua? Please, just tell me why."
At Kurapika's words, Killua began to tug at a lock of his hair nervously. "I don't think it's wrong," he said in near whispers, his head tilted down, studying the white carpet. "If you or Gon were gay, I wouldn't think badly of you or anything. It's just – when it comes to me – my family –"
Kurapika gently tugged Killua's hand away from his hair, making him cease his nervous motions. "It might take years to get over what your family's done to you, but you need to start somewhere. How about this? Find a way to tell Gon how you feel, no matter how wrong it seems. Let's start with that."
Killua bit down on his lip, considering Kurapika's words. Panic squeezed his throat at the thought of doing what he suggested. "But then, what do I do if he doesn't like me back?"
"Is that a reason not to try? If he says no, I know you're strong enough to get over the heartbreak and remain friends."
Killua chuckled under his breath. "Geez, Kurapika, how do you make everything sound so simple? And," he said, peering at him through his white bangs, "how do you seem to know so much about romance and love and whatever? Do you have some vibrant love life I should know about?"
"If that were the case, it wouldn't be something suitable to discuss with a thirteen-year-old." Killua's smirk only increased in size as Kurapika's cheekbones became tinted with a faint blush.
Then, Killua heard small footsteps eagerly dashing up the stairs. His door opened, and there Gon stood, panting heavily.
Gon's words came out in a jumbled string of excitement. "Leorio said not to bother you a few hours ago because you were feeling sick, but he just told me that you're probably feeling better now, and so he said I should ask you if you want to play truth or dare. You should play with us too, Kurapika!" His golden aura radiated like the sun itself, bringing light to the gloomy day. Even so, guilt squirmed in Killua's stomach at the thought of how he'd hurt Leorio's feelings earlier. He seriously needed to apologize later.
"We'd love to, Gon," Kurapika replied, sending a look Killua's way that clearly read This is your chance.
Hmm, interesting. Could this be another one of Kurapika's schemes to get him and Gon together? Killua ruminated over this as the three of them made themselves comfortable on the floor, sitting around in a circle.
"I'll start!" Gon turned his attention to Killua, who sat to his right. "Truth or dare?"
"Truth." He shrugged, placing his hands in his pockets and doing his best not to get lost in Gon's eyes. It was pretty hard not to when he was sitting so close to him that Killua could see each golden fleck in those eyes of his and smell the tangy citrus scent of Gon's shampoo.
"Have you ever been in love?"
Killua locked eyes with Gon. Sure, this was truth or dare, but what a strange question to ask. Was there a reason for it, Killua dared to wonder. He glanced over at Kurapika, who was looking at him expectantly. Words played like feathers at the tip of his tongue before he settled on an answer.
"Yes." The word almost seemed to reverberate around the room. His heartbeat accelerated to the moon. His pale fingers dug into the carpet. His jittery aura enveloped him like a dance of electricity.
A tanned hand reached out to brush the tips of his fingers, the touch fleeting but enough to make Killua meet Gon's thoughtful eyes, eyes that roamed over Killua's face as though memorizing every inch of it.
Killua's heartbeat knew that Gon, cheerful and talkative Gon, was never usually this quiet without a reason. Each thump of his heart brought him closer to asking the inevitable question. "Why do you ask? Are you in love, too?"
Gon's aura flared like sun rays. He nodded slowly, forming the sweetest, most innocent smile Killua had ever seen.
Killua forgot about Illumi; he forgot that Kurapika was there in the room with them; he even forgot that a fierce storm brewed outside. All he knew was that there was only one person Gon could have ever been around long enough to develop strong feelings for – even a fool could figure that out.
Gon's eyes widened slightly as Killua drew closer to him, close enough that his forehead brushed against Gon's.
Before their lips could meet, Gon pushed against Killua's shoulder softly, breaking the spell of the moment. It was then that he realized how troubled Gon looked. He bit his lip, twisting his hands as he spoke. "I'm sorry, Killua. I didn't mean…."
The Earth dropped out from beneath Killua. His face heated up, casting a shadow of embarrassment over him. His throat closed up, threatening to suffocate him.
"I do love you. A lot. But as a friend. I heard you talking to Kurapika last night, and I couldn't believe it. I thought I must have been a bad friend for not noticing it. I really wanted to ask you about it, but I didn't know how to without making you feel nervous."
Tears welled up in Gon's eyes, eyes that were as brilliant as the sun. "There's nothing wrong with you, Killua. I'm sorry that I can't love you the same way that you love me." A single tear spilled onto his cheek. "I'm sorry," he whispered, his voice cracking.
And, in that moment, Killua could imagine thousands of roses shredding away from their stems until no signs were left that they had ever existed.
In that moment, Killua's heart did just that.
…
Kurapika had ushered a reluctant Gon out of the room. He had spoken Killua's name like it were a question, grasping his arm and pulling him up off the floor.
Even through the haze of numbness, Killua could tell that he was now lying down on his bed. Even though it was the afternoon, he instinctively drew his covers up around himself, as though to drown out the rest of the world.
"Killua? Say something. Please." Kurapika's words were like echoes from a mountain far, far away. "Gon will always be your best friend. He'll never hold this against you."
Kurapika went silent for several moments, perhaps sensing that this was what Killua needed right now in order to process his emotions.
He didn't know how long he remained there, buried under his covers, waiting for the shock of a broken heart to fade enough for him to be able to speak again. But eventually, he managed to sit up, letting the blankets slide down his face.
And Kurapika was still there. He stood next to the bed, tension in his slender shoulders, bags under his eyes from nights spent without sleep, plotting ways to avenge his people.
"How do you always have time to help me? You have your own problems to worry about." Kurapika's face relaxed a bit once Killua finally managed to utter words, even if they were spoken with a weak rasp.
"It's what friends do." Kurapika said it so simply, not even seeming to think for a second before the words left his mouth.
And in that moment, even though his heart was still twisted shut, even though his mind was swarmed with guilt over what he'd done, an overwhelming gratitude flooded him. How Killua dearly wished that the heavens could have given him Kurapika as an older brother instead of Illumi.
But of course, he would never actually say that out loud or anything….