Chapter Seven

End March 2019

Veronica wakes on Saturday morning to find Logan's side of the bed empty.

"Seriously, Logan?" she mutters, flopping onto her back and rubbing sleep from her eyes. "You went running today? What is wrong with you?"

She contemplates going back to sleep, but the need to use the bathroom is too great, so with a sigh, she tugs back the covers and pulls a shirt on over her head. Padding down the hall to the bathroom, she uses the facilities and gives her teeth a quick brush, then heads downstairs to the kitchen. She's just putting out a bowl of food for Pony and is about to get started on some breakfast when Logan arrives home, dressed in his running gear and dripping with sweat.

"Morning," he says breathlessly, pressing a quick kiss to her temple as he slips past her and heads for the fridge, pulling out a bottle of Gatorade and taking a few gulps.

Veronica smiles in his direction, then crosses the room, letting her hand rest lightly on his lower back, avoiding the sweat as much as she can as she peers around his side.

"It's your birthday today," she says playfully.

He grins, returning the Gatorade to the shelf. "I know."

"And you got up early and went running." She raises a sceptical eyebrow. "I mean, who does that on their birthday?"

He chuckles, closing the fridge and turning to face her. "The world doesn't stop turning just because it's my birthday, Veronica."

"But I had plans for this morning." She gives a pout, walking her fingers up over his chest. "They involved you, me, that big bed upstairs…"

His grin turns into a leer as his hands come to her waist. "They did, huh?"

"Yep." She rises up on tiptoes for a moment to whisper in his ear. "There may have even been chocolate and whipped cream involved."

He gulps. "Really?"

"Maybe." She affects as innocent expression as she can. "But since you chose to go running instead, you'll never know."

He narrows his eyes. "You're an evil woman, Mars."

"I know." She grins. "But you love me anyway."

"That I do." He grins crookedly, then lowers his head, capturing her mouth in a dizzying kiss. When they part, he holds out his hand and murmurs, "Wanna join me for a shower instead?"

"I would love to." She takes his hand, letting him lead her back upstairs.

"So, birthday boy…" Veronica says coyly, straddling Logan's hips as he looks up at her from the pillows, hands propped behind his head, his gaze roaming her nude body. "What do you want to do today? 'Cause I have an idea you might like."

He wiggles his eyebrows suggestively as he places his feet flat on the mattress, bending his knees to support her back. "Does it involve spending all day in bed with you?"

"Sadly, no," she admits. "But I think you might like it all the same."

His hands come to her hips, thumbs stroking across her skin. The touch sends a shiver of pleasure down her spine.

"Well, go on then," he urges with a grin. "Spill."

"Okay." She places her hands on his chest, leaning forward as if to kiss him, but stopping just before their lips meet. "How do you feel about Indoor Skydiving?"

He looks bemused for a moment before his lips twitch up into a smile. "Skydiving?"

"Yeah." She kisses him gently. "Why not? The centre is only a few blocks from here. I thought it might be fun."

"Really?" His smile widening. "I didn't peg you for the skydiving type."

"Yes, really." She pushes herself up into a sitting position again. "I mean, it's not like it's the real thing, but I think it could be fun. What do you say?"

He shoots her a wide grin. "Let's do it."

"Great. We have a slot booked for this afternoon," she informs him. "It's all paid for and everything."

"We do, huh?" He gives a soft laugh. "What would you have done if I'd said no?"

"Oh, I'd have just used my incredible powers of persuasion to change your mind," she says airily.

"Is that right?" He reaches for her, tugging her down to the bed again and rolling so he has her pinned beneath him. "And what makes you think I would have succumbed to those?'

She shoots him a sly grin. "Because you always do."

He scoffs. "I do not."

Veronica hooks her ankle around his, sliding her leg up over the back of his until it's hitched around his hip. She feels him harden against her.

"Oh, I beg to differ."

He doesn't even bother to refute her claim, just gazes down at her, his eyes dark with lust, and murmurs. "Do we have time for another round?"

She smiles widely, hooking her arms around his neck and pulling him down for a heated kiss. "Definitely."

"Oh my God, that was awesome!" Veronica exclaims as they leave the Indoor Skydiving centre later that afternoon.

"Yeah," agrees Logan enthusiastically, slinging an arm around her shoulder. "It was fucking amazing. I've never felt anything like that before."

"Really?" She looks surprised as she looks up at him. "You didn't do any skydiving training in flight school."

"No." He shakes his head. "They just show us how to work a parachute, and that's about it. And, skydiving is totally different experience from flying. You don't feel g-forces like you do in the jet because you're free-falling. It's only if you're skydiving for real that you experience any g-force, and that's only when the parachute opens."

"Really? Huh… I didn't know that," she muses.

Logan smiles, tugging her closer and kissing the top of her head.

"Thank you," he says softly. "This was an awesome present."

She smiles up at him, her eyes sparkling. "I'm glad you enjoyed it."

They reach their newly acquired car—they figured it was easier just to buy a new one in Virginia rather than ship their cars across the country, so Logan left Dick in charge of his BMW, while Keith is using Veronica's SUV, since his own rust-bucket finally gave up the ghost a few weeks ago—and climb inside. Logan starts the engine, though he doesn't pull out of the space right away. Instead he turns to Veronica, whose cheeks are still flushed from the wind tunnel, and smiles.

"See, Virginia isn't so bad after all."

Mid-April 2019

It's a warm Monday afternoon—warm for Virginia Beach, anyway—and Veronica leans back on the bench, smiling softly as she closes her eyes and tilts her head up to the sun.

"It's nice out, huh?" comments Sarah from beside her.

They're in one of the local kids' parks, along the coast, Sarah having invited her to spend some time with her and Ava this afternoon.

"It is." She nods, opening her eyes and taking in their surroundings: the blue sky, the lush grass, the children playing in the playground, the sound of the ocean in the background. "It's not Neptune, but it's not too bad."

"Yeah," Sarah agrees. "How're you settling in?"

Veronica shrugs. "Logan's doing well, I think. Seems to be enjoying the new assignment."

"But what about you?" Sarah looks at her, concern in her eyes. "I mean, I know it's not easy, moving to a new place."

"I'm okay." She eyes Ava, who seems to be having the time of her life playing with a group of toddlers in the sandpit, and a pang of, well, something, goes through her at the sight.

"Are you sure?" Sarah's voice is kind. "You seem a bit down."

"I don't know." Veronica shakes her head, lifting her gaze to the sky for a moment. "I just… I feel kind of stuck here, I guess. Like, Logan has it all sorted out: he has his work, and a ready-made life for him here, but I have nothing. I'm a nobody in Virginia Beach."

"Oh, hon, I'm sorry." Sarah rubs Veronica's arm soothingly. "But I do know how you feel. Before I had Ava, when we moved to Lemoore and then down to North Island, I was the same. I had no job, no life, no friends. But I got through it. You just need to give it some time."

"I know." She nods. "I just hate feeling like this. I'm used to being in control, being independent, but right now, I'm pretty much relying on Logan for everything. I have no job and no money of my own coming in. Hell, I don't even have a car yet. It's so frustrating."

"You do have friends though," says Sarah warmly. "You have me, and Tim, and you have Logan too."

"Yeah," she agrees. And all three of them are great. "But, you all have your own things: Chaos and Logan have flying, you have Ava… but I only have Pony." She snorts a small laugh. "Dogs aren't exactly great conversationalists."

Sarah laughs. "Neither are 21-month-olds."

"Touché."

"Listen, anytime you want to talk, or just need some company, just give me a call, okay?" Sarah tells her sincerely. "I'll do my best to be available whenever—toddler emergencies notwithstanding."

"Thank you." Veronica nods again, feeling oddly touched.

She's not used to anyone offering such support, not because she doesn't think Wallace and Mac wouldn't be there for her, but because she's not used to needing that kind of help from them.

"Of course, Veronica." Sarah smiles. "I'm new in town too, remember?"

"Yeah, I know."

"Although…" says Sarah then. "I do have some news."

"Oh, what news?" Veronica perks up, grateful for the change in subject.

"Well…" She shifts so she's facing Veronica more fully. "I'm pregnant."

Veronica's jaw drops, her eyes widening in surprise. "Really? I, uh—wow, that's great. Congratulations."

"Thanks." Sarah grins, looking down as her hand comes to rest on her still flat stomach. "I've been dying to tell someone, but we were waiting until I reached the second trimester, just in case."

"Wow," Veronica says again. "That's awesome, Sare."

She reaches over for a hug, though as her friends' arms come around her, the smile falls from her face. She pastes it back on as she pulls back.

"So, when are you due?" she asks. "Are you going to find out the sex?"

"Well, I just passed 12 weeks, which means I'm due late October," says Sarah. "We haven't decided about finding out the sex yet. Tim wants to know, but I'm not sure."

"Either way, it's great news," says Veronica. "I didn't even know you guys were trying again."

"That's the thing: we weren't," Sarah confides. "I mean, we'd talked about the possibility, but we weren't planning another baby just yet. And then it kind of happened out of the blue."

Veronica forces a smile. "Well, I'm really happy for you."

Sarah looks like she's about to say something else, but then her phone beeps with an alert and she reaches for it with a grimace, shooting Veronica an apologetic look.

"I'm sorry, Veronica, our time's up. I have to get Ava home for her nap."

"Hey, that's okay," she says quickly. "Don't worry about it."

"Can I give you a ride home?"

"Uh, no, I'm good, thanks," Veronica declines. "It's a nice day; I'll walk back."

"Well, if you're sure…"

"Yeah. You guys go."

Sarah heads over to the sandpit to collect Ava, then holds her hand as they head back across the park. Veronica walks with them to Sarah's car to say goodbye.

As she walks along the boardwalk back towards her house, Veronica can't seem to push down the weird ache she's feeling in her chest. She should be happy for Sarah; after all, it's wonderful news… so why isn't she? Why does she feel so crappy?

It's close to six when Veronica walks through the door. Logan is already home from work and is sitting on the couch, trying to get some paperwork finished for the morning.

"Hey, where've you been?" he asks, looking up from the papers, frowning when she doesn't smile. "Everything okay?"

"Mmm hmm." She pulls off her jacket and drops it on the arm of the chair by the window, then makes her way over to him with intent.

She plucks the papers from his hands and places them down on the coffee table, before straddling his hips and bringing his mouth to hers for a hungry kiss. She doesn't waste any time, just goes straight in, her tongue darting out and tangling with his as her hands slide down to his sweatpants, cupping him through the material and squeezing gently.

"Hey." He pulls back, breaking the kiss, his fingers curling around her wrists, halting her movements. "Not now, okay? I have a ton of work to do."

"Yes, now," she mutters, tugging her wrists from his grip and slipping her hands beneath his shirt. "I need you now."

"Veronica, stop." He turns his head to the side as she goes in for another kiss. "I said no, okay? I'm busy and I've had a long day."

This time, she's the one to pull away, regarding him with a hurt expression before narrowing her eyes and climbing off him.

"Fine," she mutters, turning towards the kitchen. "I know when I'm not wanted."

"Hey, come on. Don't be like that." Logan gives a sigh, leaning forward to catch her arm, tugging her back around to face him as he watches her with concern. "Veronica, what's going on?"

She doesn't look at him, just shakes her head. "Nothing."

"It's not nothing." Logan frowns, patting the couch cushion beside him in invitation. "Come on, talk to me."

She sighs heavily, before reluctantly sinking down onto the sofa.

"Did you know Sarah's pregnant… again?"

"She is?" Logan blinks in surprise. Chaos hasn't mentioned a thing. The sneaky bastard. "That's great."

"Yeah," says Veronica flatly.

"Uh… it's not great?" he ventures, trying to gauge her emotions.

"No, it… it is," she adds quickly. "I'm happy for them. It's just… did you know they weren't even trying? It just happened-" she clicks her fingers for emphasis. "-just like that."

"Well… that can happen," he says slowly, trying to figure out what's going through her mind right now.

"Yeah, but apparently not to us," she mutters.

Oh. That's what this is about.

She glances at him. "Logan, we've been trying for almost four months, and nothing."

"Well—"

"And before you say we just spent two-and-half months apart," she cuts him off, holding up one hand. "I'd say we more made up for that when we were together."

"Maybe, but I guess it doesn't necessarily work that way," he says softly. "Sometimes it can take a while, you know."

Veronica exhales shakily. "I know that. I just feel like if something was going to happen, it would have by now."

"Yeah, maybe." Logan lifts his arm up in invitation. "Hey, come here."

She accepts his invitation and ducks under his arm, curling up beside him. They sit together in silence for a few moments before she speaks up.

"I'm sorry," she says softly. "I didn't mean to… attack you like that just now. I just wanted to… I don't know what I wanted…"

"It's okay," he says, soothingly. "I get it; you were feeling helpless and inadequate, and you wanted to exert some control over the situation."

She lifts her head, looking at him in surprise. "How do you always know these things about me that I don't even know myself?"

He gives her a gentle smile. "I've been told I can be perceptive. Especially when it comes to you."

"Yeah, you can." She lowers her head to his chest once more.

"Listen," he says. "We haven't exactly done much research into this whole getting pregnant thing yet. Why don't we make an appointment with a family planning doctor? Get some information about what we can do to… you know, help the process along."

"Oh, I uh…" She hesitates and for a moment he thinks she's going to say no, but then she surprises him. "Yeah. Okay. I think that's a good idea."

"All right." He nods. "Let's do that. I can see if the base medical centre can recommend somewhere we can go."

"Thank you."

"It's not a problem."

"I mean, thank you for this," She clarifies. "For being understanding. I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me earlier."

"Seriously, it's okay," he tells her. "We all have our moments."

She lifts her head and smiles up at him, leaning in for a kiss. He returns it easily, but pulls back when she tries to deepen it.

"I really do have to get this work done," he says apologetically. "Maybe later?"

"Sorry. Yeah, later's good." She sits up, his arm falling to the cushions as she does so. "So, uh… you fix anything for dinner yet?"

"Not yet," he replies, rifling through his papers again. "I thought we could get take-out instead."

She smiles. "Sounds like a plan."

Veronica orders food from a local Italian place and then disappears upstairs to take a shower. Logan tries his best to concentrate on the work in front of him, but his thoughts keep drifting to Veronica and her uncharacteristic behaviour this evening. It's not just tonight; she's seemed a little off for a couple weeks now. He thought she was doing okay, settling in well here, but now he wonders if she's been worrying about getting pregnant all this time or if there's something else bothering her too.

Two days later, when Logan manages to secure an afternoon off, they sit awkwardly in the reception area of a private family planning clinic as they wait for the doctor to call them in. Logan's knee has been bouncing up and down incessantly for the last few minutes and it's getting on Veronica's nerves. She places her hand on his leg, stopping the movement. He shoots her an apologetic look, then reaches for her hand, linking their fingers together as they rest on his leg.

"Sorry."

She leans into him, murmuring softly. "It's okay, I'm nervous too."

"Mr. and Mrs. Echolls?" the receptionist calls out just then. "Dr. Anderson will see you now. Just down the hall to the left."

"Thank you," says Veronica as they stand and head down the corridor.

"Good morning," the middle-aged female doctor says with a smile, gesturing to the pair of comfortable chairs on the other side of her desk. "Please, take a seat."

Veronica steps into the room ahead of Logan, sinking down into one of the comfortable chairs as Logan does the same beside her. Her gaze drifts around the room, taking in the health advice posters and the various diagrams and anatomy models on display.

"Now what can I do for you today?"

"Well, um, my husband and I have been trying for a baby for a few months now," says Veronica, glancing toward Logan, who gives her a reassuring smile. "And, well… nothing's really happening so far. So, we were hoping for some help or advice on how to, you know…"

She struggles to find the right words.

"Get the ball rolling?" the doctor says with a smile.

"Yeah," she responds lamely.

"Okay, well, first of all, how long have you been actively trying to get pregnant?"

"About four months." It's Logan who replies this time.

"Ah, I see." Dr. Anderson nods, leaning forward on her desk and clasping her hands together. "The thing is, Mr. and Mrs. Echolls—"

"Oh, just Veronica and Logan. Please," Veronica says quickly.

"Okay then, Veronica, Logan," the doctor continues kindly. "We usually don't begin fertility testing until a couple has been trying to conceive for at least a year—"

"A year?" Veronica cuts in, not expecting to hear that. "Seriously?"

"I'm afraid so," says the doctor. "And I'll be honest, four months isn't really a lot of time in the grand scheme of things. It generally takes most couples between four and six months to conceive once they begin trying, with about 85% of them conceiving within a year."

"Oh. Well, I mean, I know it can take time," Veronica says. "It's just that Logan's on shore duty with the Navy right now, so we're on a bit of a tight time frame. I don't think we really have a year to spare." Logan squeezes her hand in support and she sends him a quick smile. "I… we… really just wanted to check that we were both, you know, healthy… and maybe find out if there's anything in particular we should be doing to improve our chances."

"Right," the doctor nods in understanding. "Okay, well, I can help you with that. I will need to ask you both some fairly detailed questions though… some of which maybe be rather personal. And we'll run a few tests as well."

Dr. Anderson spends the next couple of hours talking to each of them individually, carrying out physical exams and taking urine and blood samples, plus a sperm sample from Logan, then she sits them down together to discuss their options.

"Firstly, we'll send the samples off for testing tomorrow, and we should have the results back in a few days, probably by the middle of next week, since the Easter weekend is coming up," Dr. Anderson explains. "But there are a few things we can discuss now. From what you've told me, it seems you have a healthy sex life, and it doesn't sound to me like there's anything you're doing wrong, per se. Veronica, I would recommend you start taking pre-natal vitamins, and you can also track your ovulation cycle, which can help maximise your chances of getting pregnant."

"Yeah, I can do that," says Veronica softly, though she's feeling a little overwhelmed. Why had she ever assumed that making a baby would be as easy as just having a lot of sex?

"And Logan, since you've maintained a healthy weight and diet for the last few years, and you don't drink or smoke, I'd just keep doing what you're doing. Though I would avoid taking hot baths and saunas, and also wearing tight underwear, as both can have a detrimental effect on sperm health."

"Sure." Logan gives a nod of agreement, though he looks a little uncomfortable with the topic.

"There is one thing I do want to discuss with you though," the doctor turns more serious now, and Veronica feels a curl of dread in her stomach. "Do you mind if I speak freely in front of both of you?"

"Of course," Veronica agrees. "We have no secrets."

"Veronica, you were treated for chlamydia and Pelvic Inflammatory Disease when you were eighteen. Now, normally, there are no long-term effects after treatment; however, given the length of time your infection went untreated—more than two years—it may have had adverse effects on your body."

Veronica swallows, her heart leaping into her throat at the doctor's words. "What kind of adverse effects?"

"PID can result in ectopic pregnancy," Dr. Anderson says gently. "And it can also lead to blockage or scarring of the fallopian tubes… which in turn can cause miscarriage, premature birth, stillbirth… or even infertility. In fact, it's actually the leading cause of infertility in women."

"Oh."

Veronica sinks back in her chair, the air leaving her body as the doctor's words sink in. Infertility… miscarriage… stillbirth? All because of one event I had no control over 16 years ago?

"Right. Okay," she murmurs faintly.

"Hey." Beside her, Logan takes her hand, squeezing it in support. "Are you all right?"

"I don't know right now," she manages, her head spinning. She presses her lips together, composing herself before asking, "So, how do I know if the PID caused any of that?"

Dr. Anderson gives her a smile filled with sympathy. "Well, the tests we've done today will likely offer some insight and we can also do a special x-ray called an HSG to check for any fallopian tube blockages."

"And you can do that right away?" asks Logan, taking the lead for her. Veronica gives him a grateful smile.

"As I said, we don't usually carry out these tests until you've been trying to conceive for a year, but with your medical history, I think it's a good idea to do it now." Dr. Anderson smiles again. "We'll have your test results back sometime next week, and then we can talk about scheduling an HSG."

"Great." Logan smiles, sitting forward in his chair. "Thank you, Doctor."

"Of course," Dr. Anderson says with a nod. "I urge you not to worry just yet, Veronica. It's early days and you may not have anything to be concerned about at all."

Veronica's quiet on the way home, just staring out of the window and barely even acknowledging Logan. When they left the clinic, she insisted she was fine, but he's not convinced. He's also feeling like shit for suggesting they see the doctor in the first place. Okay, yeah, it was the right thing to do and it's good that they're checking to make sure everything's okay, but now Veronica is the one suffering because of it.

He pulls the car into their driveway and Veronica gets out without a word, heading straight for the front door. With a sigh, he climbs out too, locking the car and following her into the house. He observes her cautiously as she greets an enthusiastic Pony with a cuddle, then makes her way through the house.

"So, I thought we'd have the casserole I made yesterday for dinner. Just need to heat it in the oven and put some veggies on and we're done," she tosses over her shoulder as she heads for the kitchen and opens the fridge.

"Veronica," he says, moving into the kitchen as well. "Are you okay? Maybe we should talk about this."

"I'm fine, Logan," she dismisses, lifting the casserole dish out of the fridge and placing it on the counter. "You heard the doctor. We'll wait for the test results and see what happens."

"But, I mean, it's a lot to take in…" He tries again. "If you want to—"

"I'm fine, Logan," she returns forcefully, as she turns back to the fridge and pulls out green beans and carrots. "Just leave it alone."

"Okay," He holds up his hands in surrender. "I'm leaving it."

"Thank you."

He glances around the kitchen. "What can I do?"

"Can you turn the oven on to 325?" she asks, grabbing a knife and starting to chop the carrots. "And set the table?"

"Sure."

He sets about doing as she's asked and is in the process of laying out the plates and glasses when he hears a clatter behind him. Whipping around, he finds the knife Veronica was chopping with lying on the floor and Veronica hunched over, her hands braced on the counter as a heart-wrenching sob escapes her mouth.

"Veronica?" He abandons the table, rushing over just in time to catch her before she collapses to the floor. "Hey. It's okay."

He wraps his arms around her tightly as she falls apart in his arms, her sobs coming thick and fast now.

"I've got you," he murmurs, stroking her back. "Just let it all out. Everything you're feeling… just let it go. I've got you."

Her arms come around his waist, hands flattening against his back as she cries against him, her head buried in his chest.

"Why do these things always happen to me?" Her voice is strangled, and so full of anguish that it makes his heart ache for her.

"I don't know, sweetheart." The much-detested endearment slips out involuntarily, but he has no desire to take it back. It feels right in the moment.

"Why does everything always go back to that night… to him?" she manages between sobs. "Still ruining my life from beyond the grave."

"You don't know that," he says gently. "You don't even know if there's anything to worry about yet."

She sucks in a shaky, hiccupping breath as she lifts her head. Despite the redness and the tears streaming down her cheeks, her eyes are hard as she spits out, "If I can't have children because of that…that monster…"

Logan brings one hand around to cup her jaw, his thumb brushing away the tears. "I'm so sorry you had to go through… what he put you through. I would give anything to take back that night, to make it all go away."

"I know you would." She nods, even as her face crumples again and another sob bubbles over. She sucks in a breath to compose herself. "God, I didn't even want kids before… but I guess I've got used to the idea… I mean, some days, I even long for it… and now to find out that maybe I can't, like, ever… Logan, what am I gonna do?"

"If that happens, you'll get through it, I promise," he swears. "We'll get through it. Together. You're the strongest person I've ever met, Veronica. You've survived so much before, and it might not seem like it right now, but you will survive this, too."

She sighs sadly. "I wish I had your conviction."

He swallows down the emotions threatening to spill over as he looks down at her distraught face, before gently cupping her face with both hands.

"You will."

She nods, but doesn't say anything and Logan's pretty sure that means she doesn't believe it right now. He tilts her chin up towards him, dropping the softest kiss he can to her lips.

"I love you, Veronica Mars," he declares softly. "Always have, always will. And I will always be here for you; no matter what happens."

She nods, pressing her lips together as if to keep from bursting into tears again, before taking a deep, calming breath and looking up at him with gratitude. "I love you, too."

"Listen, we're not gonna dwell on this right now, okay?" he murmurs softly, thumbs caressing her cheeks. "Mac and Wallace are flying out for the Easter Weekend and you're gonna go out and enjoy yourself and have a great time with them."

She manages a small, grateful smile, though she shakes her head. "No, we're going to…all of us. You and me and Mac and Wallace. They're your friends, too, Logan, not just mine."

"Okay." His lips curl up into a smile, the ache in his chest lessening just a little at her response. "We'll have a great weekend."