Chapter Fourteen
August 2019
Six weeks along
"Wow…" Logan says on an exhale, as he sinks down onto the couch when they arrive home from Dr. Anderson's office that evening.
"Yeah…" Veronica replies with a smile as she joins him.
"Lemme see that again," he says, reaching over and plucking the sonogram photo from her fingers. Holding it up to get a good look, he murmurs, "This is surreal."
"You're telling me," she agrees wholeheartedly.
He tears his eyes from the photo to look over at her, concern in his expression. "How're you feeling?"
"I'm okay," she assures him. "A little queasy, but okay. It's still sinking in, you know?"
"Yeah, I know." He nods, smiling softly, gently placing the photo down on the coffee table, before slipping his arm around her waist. "Hey, come here."
He lifts her easily, manoeuvring her onto his lap. Veronica smiles down at him, her hands coming to his uniform shirt, fingers playing with the lapels. Logan returns the smile for a moment, before he shifts forward, lifting his chin so that his mouth meets hers.
A soft murmur of contentment escapes her lips as she slides her hands up over his shoulders, burying her fingers in the hair at the nape of his neck, sinking into the kiss. Logan's palms flatten against her spine as he tugs her even closer and Veronica shudders at the touch. It feels so good to be intimate with him again without the stress or worry of trying to conceive a baby. They can be together just because; they can make love for no other reason than they need and want each other.
Veronica's hands move back down to his shirt, unbuttoning it quickly, then sliding it over his shoulders, as Logan's mouth leaves hers, nuzzling her neck, his hands cupping her bottom and pressing her lower body against his. The feel of him, hard and ready for her, sends thrills of pleasure through her whole body. Moving her hands down over the bare torso beneath his shirt, Veronica stops at his belt, deftly undoing it, then tugging the zipper down and slipping her hand inside. Logan inhales sharply against her neck as she wraps her fingers around him, stroking gently. His head lifts as his hips buck beneath her and his hands move under her thin shirt, sliding up her sides and bringing the material with them. Pulling the shirt over her head, he drops it to the floor, his gaze becoming fixed on her chest.
"What?" she asks breathily when he makes no further movement, her hand stilling around his length.
He gives her a crooked smile, raising an eyebrow as he asks, "Where did those come from?"
She glances down at her chest, only to realise her breasts are straining against the material of her bra in a way they never have before.
"Oh. Yeah. Side-effect of pregnancy, I guess." She frowns then, tilting her head as she studies them. "They were still normal size the other day, though, right?"
"Yeah." He bobs his eyebrows suggestively. "I think I would have noticed if they weren't."
"You know what this means, right?" she says jokingly. "For the next few months, you're gonna get what you've always wanted: a wife with full-sized boobs."
He doesn't laugh though, or even crack a smile. Instead he just looks at her with a small frown. "Veronica, you know I have absolutely no complaints, right?"
"I know." She brushes him off quickly. "It was just a joke."
"I'm serious," he says firmly. "I love everything about you, just the way it is."
She swallows against the unexpected emotions that suddenly come to the surface, cursing the stupid pregnancy hormones for making her so tearful, then tries to deflect with another joke.
"But big boobs certainly can't hurt, huh?"
His eyes narrow slightly and he looks like he might say something more, but then he seems to decide against it, and instead just teases lightly, "You're right. Better make the most of them."
Even as he says it though, his expression is still serious, and she smiles in response, giving a gentle nod of understanding, before adding, "Better get to it then, Buddy."
"Uh, that's Lieutenant Buddy to you," he retorts playfully, even as he reaches around to unhook her bra, easing it off before his hands come up to cup her tender, slightly swollen breasts.
"Oh, wow…" she says on a sigh, his thumbs brushing across her nipples and sending tingles through her torso.
"Feels good, huh?" He cocks an eyebrow. "I heard everything gets more… sensitive during pregnancy."
"Got that right."
She bites her lip as he starts gently kneading her flesh, then lets out a low moan when he leans forward and licks a circle around her nipple, the caress shooting pleasure straight to her core. Her hips shift against him and he moves forward in response, his length brushing against the seam of her pants.
"Wait a sec," she manages, gently pushing against his chest.
He pulls back with a frown. "Everything okay?"
"Yeah, just need to get more comfortable."
She slides off his lap and quickly tugs off her jeans and underwear, and in return, Logan shimmies out of his uniform trousers and boxers, kicking them to one side, before tugging his shirt the rest of the way off. Veronica straddles him on the sofa again, rising up so she's hovering above him, her breasts in line with his face. His palms come to rest on her hips as he leans up again and captures one of her nipples in his mouth. The sensitivity of her flesh causes her to moan breathily as, guided by Logan's hands, she sinks down onto him.
They make love slowly, tenderly, holding eye contact as Veronica rises above him, then slowly sinks down again, over and over, feeling every inch of him as he slides inside her.
"I've missed this," she murmurs softly, resting her hands on his shoulders for leverage as they move together. "Just being together. No pressure."
"Me, too," he agrees, smiling up at her as he pushes her hair back over one shoulder, letting his fingers linger against her skin. "Love you."
"Love you, too."
Her eyes slide closed, her head falling back with a sigh as his fingers drift down over her chest, coming to rest on her stomach for a moment, before his thumb slips between her folds and begins to stroke her intimately.
"Yeah… like that…"
Just like the atmosphere between them in this moment, her orgasm starts slow and soft, just a wave of warmth spreading outwards from her centre, flowing through her body until it engulfs her. Hips bucking against him, she tips over the edge with a breathy moan, her head thrown back and body trembling as she rides it out. As she's catching her breath, Logan grips her hips, thrusting up into her. He guides her movements, picking up the pace, and Veronica wraps her arms around his neck, pressing her forehead to his and moving with him. His hand slips between their bodies again, stroking and caressing her clit until she comes again and he follows right after.
As they recover, gasping for breath, Logan gives a lopsided smile, leaning in to kiss her before shifting so she's lying beneath him on the large blanket draped over the couch. He settles over her, resting his weight on his forearms as he kisses her again.
"Hi," he murmurs, brushing his nose against hers.
"Hi," she responds with a smile, reaching up to run her fingers along his cheek.
"Is it weird that I feel like I'm going to burst with happiness?" he asks softly.
Veronica's heart skips a beat at the raw emotion in his tone, but she can't help responding with a quip. "Oh, is that what the kids are calling it these days?"
"Very funny."
He reaches up, tugging on the other half of the blanket, which covers the back of the couch, and pulls it around them as he shifts to the side, adjusting his position so they can snuggle together. With a smile, Veronica rests her head against his chest and lets her fingers drift across his skin.
After a few moments of silence, she speaks up. "So, are you finally gonna tell me what's been going on with you lately?"
"What do you mean? Nothing's going on," he denies quickly.
Too quickly.
"Yeah, your poker face could use some serious work," she responds, raising a disbelieving eyebrow at him. "You've been cagey for months, and don't think I didn't notice how you and Dr. Anderson clammed up when I came back into the room earlier."
There's a pause, before he finally says, "Okay, fine. Something has been going on."
"Go on…"
He sighs. "Look, Veronica, the reason I didn't say anything before is because I didn't want it to affect things, or cloud your judgement."
Veronica freezes, her blood running cold as a number of horrible scenarios flit through her mind. Has he done something that would hurt her, or their relationship? Broken the law? Or God forbid, cheated on her? She shakes her head. No, don't be stupid, Veronica; he wouldn't do that… Right?
She grits her teeth. "Just spit it out, Logan."
"I know how hard the last few months have been for you, how stressful and draining and emotional it's been, and I know you were trying not to get your hopes up too much," he says softly. "And I understand that, I really do… it's just that, for me, the thought that it might never happen, that we might never be able to have a baby…" He rests his hand over her stomach. "It was killing me, Veronica."
"What?" she manages, torn between relief that it's not something more serious, and shock over his words.
"I want it so much," he admits. "So much that I wasn't sure I'd be able to handle it if you couldn't get pregnant."
"Wait, what are you saying?" She rises up onto one elbow so she can face him. "What, you were gonna leave if it didn't happen?"
"No, of course not," he says quickly, looking offended. "How could you think that?"
"Well, the 'not being able to handle it if I can't have a kid' part was a bit of a clue," she says bitingly.
"You're twisting my words," he protests.
"Am I?" she retorts.
With frustration, she sits up and reaches for her underwear, tugging them on and then, because she's getting cold, she grabs Logan's discarded shirt and shoves her arms into it with more force than is probably necessary.
She turns to face him again. "You just said you wouldn't be able to handle it."
"That's not what I meant." He pushes himself up to a sitting position as well, bringing the blanket with him.
"Well, enlighten me then."
"I'm trying to," he snaps, then sucks in a steadying breath as he runs a hand through his hair. "Look, Veronica, I love you, okay? I can't imagine my life without you, and I will always, always support you. But you're not the only one who's been affected by all this. I'm just trying to explain to you how I feel."
"Okay, fine." Veronica sighs, relenting. He has a point. "Go ahead."
"I've been trying to push it to the back of my mind, to be strong and supportive for you, to convince myself that it's all good," he says. "But, I mean, I know you've noticed it… I look at Ava and I picture our baby, I see young families playing in the park and I imagine us doing the same." He shakes his head. "I never realised how much I wanted to be a father until there was a real possibility it couldn't happen. It's been eating at me for months, Veronica. And I'm not talking about some fleeting feeling; it's been like this ache inside me, all the time. That's what I meant about not handling it. I didn't know if or how I could fix the ache if it didn't happen."
As he bares his soul, Veronica sobers, emotions swirling inside her. How did she miss all this, how had she not realised what he was going through? You know, perfectly well how, Veronica; you were too caught up in your own feelings to notice.
She reaches out, placing a hand on his forearm. "Logan, why didn't you tell me?"
He looks to the ceiling, his mouth falling open slightly as he shakes his head. "I couldn't put that on you, not when you were trying to deal with everything else. It wouldn't have been fair."
"Yeah, okay. I guess can understand that," she tells him. "But, Logan, we need to be able to talk to each other. About anything."
"I know," he agrees. "I wanted to, but I couldn't, not before, anyway. But now—"
"Now, I'm pregnant," she finishes for him, "and you don't have to worry about it anymore."
"Yeah," he agrees, looking a little uneasy
"I get that, but, you know, a lot can happen in the next few months," she says, hand coming to her stomach. "As much as I hate to even think it, something still could go wrong with this pregnancy."
"I know that," he says softly.
"Look, we're in this together, you and me," she says, leaning closer to him. "Promise me you'll talk to me in future instead of just bottling it up because you want to spare my feelings."
"Yeah, I will." He nods in confirmation.
"Good." She smiles. "Now I don't know about you, but I'm starving. How about we get dressed and fix some dinner?"
"Sounds good to me."
"And while we're at it, we should probably let Pony out of the kitchen," she adds. "She's been stuck in there for about three hours now."
Late September 2019
Eleven weeks along
Logan wakes Wednesday morning to find Veronica's side of the bed empty… something that's become a regular occurrence over the last few weeks. Reaching for a shirt, he pulls it on and slides out of the bed, leaving the room in search of her. It's not hard to guess where she is; the bathroom has become something of a second home for her lately.
He heads down the hall, finding the bathroom door ajar and Veronica kneeling on the floor in front of the toilet, trying to hold her long hair back from her face as morning sickness takes hold. In a second, he's kneeling beside her and gathering up her hair in his hand so she doesn't have to keep holding it.
"It's okay, I'm here," he says soothingly, gently rubbing her back. "It'll be over soon."
She turns her head toward him briefly, trying for a grateful smile, before doubling over the toilet again. Logan closes his eyes for a moment, trying not to let the sound of her retching affect him. While he has a pretty sturdy stomach after years spent living on aircraft carriers and having to witness fellow officers and sailors getting seasick, it's different when it's happening right in front of him and when it's his wife who's unwell.
He studies Veronica with concern as she empties what's left of the contents of her stomach into the toilet; she's pale and sweaty, and there are dark circles under her eyes, which tell him she's been in here for half the night… while he was fast asleep and blissfully unaware of her struggles. His heart goes out to her; in all the time they spent trying to conceive, neither one of them actually considered how difficult being pregnant might be.
After a couple more minutes of hugging the toilet bowl, she finally sinks back against him, looking exhausted as tears runs down her cheeks. Logan can sympathise; he spent enough time nursing hangovers and withdrawal symptoms in high school and college to remember how wretched it feels when you can't stop throwing up.
"Feeling better now?" he asks, hugging her to him.
"A bit. I'm so tired," she mutters. "And I feel sick all the time."
"I'm sorry."
"I hate being pregnant."
The vehement, almost petulant statement draws a smile, though he's quick to suppress it, as he responds, "No, you don't."
"Yeah, you're right. I don't," she agrees tiredly. "But I do hate morning sickness. Though how they can call it that when it lasts all day and night, I don't know."
"Did you get any sleep last night?"
"Some," she admits, "but not much."
"Come on, let's get you back to bed, hmm?"
"Okay." She gives a yawn. "But let me freshen up a bit first."
Logan waits patiently while she splashes water on her face and brushes her teeth, before picking her up bridal-style and carrying her back to the bedroom. He places her down on the mattress and pulls the covers up before taking a seat on the edge of the bed, gently smoothing a comforting hand across her forehead.
"I would stay with you, but I have to get to the base," he says apologetically.
"That's okay. Go," she murmurs, turning onto her side, her eyes starting to close. "I'll just spend the day lying right here."
"Don't forget to eat something, if you can," he reminds her. "It's important for the baby."
"I know. I'll try." She nods, her eyes fully closed now, on the verge of sleep.
"I'll be back at twelve-thirty to pick you up for the scan this afternoon, okay?"
"Okay."
Logan smiles as he leans down to kiss her forehead. "Sleep well."
One o'clock that afternoon finds Veronica lying on the exam table in Dr. Anderson's office, her shirt pulled up to expose her stomach and the very slight baby bump that is just starting to form, ready for her next routine scan. Logan sits beside her, his hand clasped around hers, as he smiles encouragingly at her.
Despite managing to get a good three hours of sleep this morning, Veronica's still feeling exhausted, and while her stomach has calmed a little, she still hasn't been able to bring herself to eat anything today. She tried a couple of times; going down to the kitchen in the hope of finding something she could keep down, but just the sight of half of the contents of the fridge, let alone the smell, made her gag. In the end, she settled for pouring a large glass of water and curling up on the sofa with Pony… which is how Logan found her when he came to pick her up thirty minutes ago.
"Okay, Veronica, let's get started, shall we?" Dr. Anderson says jovially. "Now this is just a routine scan, so we can check everything is progressing well. I'll confirm your due date, and we'll be able to hear the heartbeat as well."
"Wow, awesome." Veronica's own heart rate speeds up at the thought.
I'm going to hear my baby's heartbeat… this is getting even more real now.
The doctor gives a nod and a smile. "We'll also do a blood test to check your hormone levels, along with the nuchal translucency screening, which measures the back of the baby's neck to make sure there's no indication of a chromosomal abnormality."
"What would it mean if there was?" Logan asks, gently squeezing Veronica's hand.
Veronica already knows, having been reading up on pregnancy scans and risks, but she lets Dr. Anderson answer anyway.
"Well, it's a very small risk, but if the baby's neck is thicker than normal, it could indicate a chromosomal condition like Down's Syndrome, or possibly heart problems."
"Right, okay…" Logan murmurs faintly, looking worried, and now it's Veronica's turn to squeeze his hand in reassurance.
"It's just a standard screening, Logan," the doctor tells him. "It's better to know now if there are likely to be any complications, so that you can decide what action to take, if any."
"Well, that's totally reassuring," he responds with more than just a hint of sarcasm.
"Logan, don't be an ass." Veronica frowns at him in annoyance, before turning back to the doctor apologetically. "Sorry, ignore him. Where were we?"
Dr. Anderson looks like she's trying to hide a smile as she says, "Okay, we'll start the ultrasound now. I'm going to squeeze some gel onto your stomach—a word of warning, it's a little cold—and then we'll take a look at your baby."
"Sounds good." Veronica smiles, then turns to Logan and shoots him a warning look. He just shrugs apologetically before giving a sheepish smile… one she does not return.
Veronica flinches as the cold gel is smeared across her skin, but then the doctor runs the transducer over her stomach and a rhythmic whooshing sound comes through the speakers, and her attention focuses on that instead.
"There we go: a nice, strong heartbeat," Dr. Anderson says with a warm smile.
The simple statement, accompanied by the sound of her baby's heartbeat fills Veronica with a sudden burst of joy, tears welling up in her eyes.
"Oh, wow…" That comes from Logan, who leans forward to try to see the screen more clearly. "That's amazing."
"Okay, and here is your baby," the doctor says turning the screen so it's at a better angle for them both to see and points to the black and white image.
Veronica's surprised to find she can actually make out some real definition this time. She can see a head, and a body and…
"Is that an arm… and a leg?" She grabs Logan's arm excitedly. "Oh my God, Logan do you see that? It's a foot with tiny little toes. My baby has toes!"
"It sure does," Dr. Anderson replies with a wide smile as she moves the transducer a little to the right. "And fingers too… do you see?"
"I do." Veronica turns to Logan, who is staring at the monitor with an awed expression. Her chest constricts with happiness at the excitement in his eyes.
"It's incredible," he murmurs, shaking his head.
"Isn't it?" she replies, still trying to get her head around it herself.
"Now, it's still too early to tell the sex of the baby," Dr Anderson speaks up then, interrupting the moment. "But for the sake of not accidentally revealing anything you don't want to know, have you decided whether you want to find out?"
"Oh, um…" Veronica looks to Logan in question.
It's been a topic of contention between them lately. Logan wants to know, because he thinks they should be prepared with as much information as possible, but Veronica doesn't want to jinx anything. It would be so much more heartbreaking if something went wrong and she'd already got too attached and started thinking of their baby as a he or a she. The difference of opinions has already caused more than one argument, and they still haven't come to a conclusion either way, so she's not really sure how to answer.
"No, we don't want to know." Surprisingly, it's Logan who speaks up, and Veronica blinks, not expecting that response. "We'd rather keep it a secret for now."
"Really?" Veronica blinks in surprise.
He shoots her a tender smile. "Yes, really."
She swallows against the tears that are about to fall as she says sincerely, "Thank you."
"I'll make a note of that," says the doctor with a smile. "Now, I just need to take some measurements, for the nuchal screening, and also to confirm your due date."
While the doctor is doing what she needs to do, Veronica remains transfixed by the movement of her baby on the monitor. It's really strange to see it moving around, considering she hasn't felt any kind of fluttering at all yet. Apparently it's normal not to feel anything just yet, but it's still surreal to know there's actually a living being growing inside her.
"Okay, Veronica," Dr. Anderson says a couple of minutes later, removing the transducer from Veronica's stomach and handing her a paper towel. "That's everything I need from the ultrasound, so you can clean yourself up."
"Thanks." Veronica wipes her belly clean of the gel and pulls her top back down as she sits up.
While she's still on the exam table, Dr. Anderson prints out a couple of sonogram pictures for them, before performing the blood test, and then they sit down at her desk to discuss the sonogram findings.
"Right then, from the scan, it looks to me like your baby is developing normally, and I can't see any cause for concern right now," she tells them. "We will need to wait for the blood test results to confirm that for sure though."
"Okay," Veronica says.
"And as for your due date, it looks as though my initial thoughts weren't far off," says the doctor. "I make it April 16th next year."
Veronica nods.
"April 16th. Great. I'll make a note of that in my diary." Beside her, Logan gives a chuckle and she turns to him, frowning in bemusement "What?"
He grins, shaking his head. "You sound like you're scheduling a meeting or something, not the birth of your child."
"Shut up," is the only comeback she can think of. Not very original, granted, but she's had about four hours of sleep in the last twenty-four, and she can barely think straight.
Dr. Anderson glances between them, looking amused before turning her attention to Veronica again. "Now that we have all the excitement out of the way, I wanted to check how you're doing, Veronica."
Veronica makes a face. "Honestly? Not too great. I'm sick pretty much all the time lately. Mostly at night."
"Unfortunately, that can be fairly common," admits the doctor. "Morning sickness can come on at any time of the day or night. The good news is that in most women, it stops after about sixteen weeks."
"Now, that is good news," says Veronica. "Because I need a break. I am so exhausted."
Dr. Anderson frowns. "How much sleep are you getting?"
"Not enough," pipes up Logan, causing Veronica to frown at him. "She was in the bathroom most of last night. And the night before."
"I'm sorry to hear that, Veronica," Dr. Anderson says sympathetically. "And how about your diet? Are you eating enough?"
"No, she isn't," Logan cuts in again before she can answer. "She's barely keeping anything down, and she's lost some weight. Is that normal?"
Veronica shoots him a glare this time. Can't he just let her answer the damn questions?
"That can happen in the first trimester," Dr. Anderson admits. "Especially in cases of particularly bad or ongoing morning sickness. How much weight have you lost?"
"Not much," she says, a little defensively. "A couple pounds, maybe."
"Well, that doesn't sound too concerning." The doctor nods reassuringly. "I would only expect you to put on maybe one to four pounds in the first twelve weeks, and a small amount of weight loss isn't going to be too much of a problem. However, if it continues into the second trimester and you're still not putting on any weight, I want you to come back and see me, okay?"
"I will."
"Right then, so I'll give you a call when your blood test results are in, and assuming those are fine, the next time I'll see you will be for your anatomy scan, which we'll do at between eighteen and twenty weeks," the doctor says then. "But please, don't hesitate to contact me if you have any concerns or questions."
"Thanks, Dr. Anderson," says Logan. "We'll make sure to do that."
"Yes, thank you," Veronica adds with a smile.
They shake the doctor's hand and as they leave the office, Logan slides his arm around her shoulders, tugging her close. Veronica gives a tired smile as he presses a kiss to the top of her head.
"I know you feel like crap now," he murmurs. "But it'll all be worth it in the end. I mean, just look at that." He points to the photos in her hand. "That right there is an actual baby. Complete with actual fingers and toes."
"I know," Veronica responds, looking down at the ultrasound picture as well, her chest tightening with both excitement and nervousness. "I know."
Author's Note: For now, I'm going to stick with updating every 2 weeks, as I have a really busy month coming up in May... so the next update should be May 1st :).