***Chapter 2: Young Love***

2000

The night was more bright than usual. The moon cast a dream-like glow on the forest around them. Joel fidgeted in the drivers seat with nervous anxiety, and eyed his companion carefully. Unsure of what was the most appropriate move to make next. It wasn't so much that he was inexperienced-although the few kisses he'd given to other girls his age might not be enough to brag about- but she had looked so damn good as she sat right there next to him.

Dark blonde hair dangled around her bare shoulders, and her eyes, those hazel eyes pierced into his without any hesitation. They were all enough to speed up his heart rate. Yes, he'd always been attracted to blondes, but this girl was different in a whole new sense.

"Joel, you look like you've done seen a ghost out there," she taunted and broke the silence, and forced a smile across his young face. The light tone of her voice, thick with country accent, gave him satisfaction that they at least shared one thing in common. However little it may have been, at least in one small way the two of them were somehow bound by a similar force.

"No ghosts tonight, just you and me darlin'," he replied with an obvious blush on his face.

"You know, you brought me all the way out here, but you aren't even talking to me. Everything was fine at dinner-"

"-Yes! Yes it was, dinner was perfect. I...I don't want you thinkin' that I haven't had a great time with you, Vera..." he interrupted, and began to fidget with his hands again.

"A great time...but...?" she urged him, clearly impatient, and Joel could not help but smile again.

"You know I can't talk to you when you look at me like that," he gushed, and placed his rough hand against her soft cheek. In that moment, she too seemed to melt with him, although it was short-lived.

"Stop gettin' sidetracked and tell me what's on your mind!" she said after the moment had passed. Joel frowned, and he crossed his arms before he turned to look out the window.

"How long are you and I gonna do this together, huh? This sneekin' around, where you can't tell your daddy where you're goin'...it just ain't right no more. And I'm gonna put a stop to this tonight," he vented. He still couldn't look in her eyes, for fear that his words would mean nothing if her charm poisoned his mind like it had for the past four months.

"Joel, I'll be eighteen in less than two years, and as long as he doesn't find out until then, he won't matter anymore. We'll be movin' away to college, far away from him and this dinky little town. We've had this conversation before," she said, almost annoyed.

"How ya gonna pay for college if your daddy refuses to help you because of me? You ever think about that?" he continued, and she nodded.

"Joel, I'm bound to get some scholarships, and I'll take out loans for everything else. Baby, there's nothin' to worry about," she tried to console, but he shook his head fiercely.

"It ain't gonna be enough, Vera. It might all seem fine now, but there's always unintended costs they don't tell you about. And you need your daddy! Every girl needs their daddy," he explained.

"It will be enough Joel! I don't need anyone but you," she urged, and he cringed at her immaturity.

"C'mon, let's be serious about this: Do you really plan on us just being perfect for the rest of our lives together? You're a smart girl, but that ain't a very smart thing to say. We haven't even been together long enough to even talk like that, it's nonsense," he said. It was everything he could to keep from explosion.

"What do you mean? I thought you wanted to spend your life with me!" she said in outrage, but it was clear she was very serious.

"I don't even know what I'm gonna do next year, yet alone the rest of my life. Let's change the subject to me. How am I gonna come close to payin' for college? Baby, I ain't even college material... I'm...I'm not smart like you, I'm just good with my hands. That's all I'll ever be," he confirmed his thoughts out loud.

"You could major in something easy! That way, you could have a degree to add credibility to that business you always wanted to start on your own..." she reasoned.

"Vera, I'm not gonna lie to you, I want to try the whole thing out, but I don't have the money to throw away if it doesn't go to plan. I do not have that luxury, and you won't either if you don't fix things with your Dad!" he continued, and her face fell significantly.

"So...we're over? This is over?" she said after a long pause, and Joel felt sick to his stomach when he realized the pain in her eyes.

"...Baby, please don't say it like that. I wasn't planning on ending it tonight anyway, but eventually...it woulda happened. Sooner rather than later might be better for you," he began.

"Wait...before all this crazy talk, what did you bring me up here for?" she said, and her eyes lit up completely. Joel suddenly became nervous again, and he huffed air loudly through his teeth in frustration.

Apparently all they had discussed was futile, but most of all it was because he did not have the strength to resist her.

"We parked, Vera, what do you think I brought you up here for?" he said in exasperation.

"Did you wanna go all the way?" she taunted with a smile on her face, and he twisted his face in disgust.

"No! I brought us up here so we could be alone...maybe make-out or somethin', but I didn't bring you up here for that! What kind of man do you think I am?" he demanded, clearly upset that she had assumed he had those intentions.

Not that he would mind, he certainly wouldn't protest, but he really didn't feel this was the appropriate time. At least, not for the first time.

"That's what I like most about you, Joel...you're not a boy, you're a man," she praised seductively, and trailed a finger down his chest. Joel froze, unable to blink or breathe.

"Vera..." he warned.

"Joel, shut up," she demanded in a whisper, and climbed out of her passenger's seat into his lap, before she kissed the side of his neck.

"Baby I...I don't have any condoms...I haven't bought any yet," he said, eyes wide because he clearly had no experience whatsoever in this situation. She did not seem to mind, and she continued to kiss him all over.

"It's okay, really," she said, and he was confused by this statement.

"What do you mean by-"

"Joel, I said don't worry" she interrupted.

At that point in the situation, he realized nothing he was able to say could prevent what was about to happen between them.

In fact, he was not sure that he wanted to stop at all.

(7 weeks later)

The sun had not quite risen, but Joel was wide-awake as he made his way to Vera's house. On Friday mornings, her dad went into work early, so it was safe to pick her up for school. Since the night in the woods, their relationship had been better than ever, and Joel was slightly more convinced to stick it out with her for the long-term. After all, he had never wanted to hurt her feelings, and hurting her would have involved hurting himself in the process.

As he waited outside her house, he laughed to himself. All this time, Vera had urged him to stop being so practical and to act his age. Joel's upbringing hadn't really allowed for that luxury. Finally, after almost 17 years, he had managed to try.

Most of his life had been filled with hard work. His father had been an abusive alcoholic who'd driven the family to ruin. But, his father was also a man of pride and a strong work ethic, something which seemed to have been passed down to his sons. He could be warm at times...but with a drink in his hand, he was uncontrollable. A few years back, their mother grew tired of his antics and had finally decided to leave him for good. Granted, she would not have been able to do it without the support and urging of her oldest boy.

"Momma, I know you love him, and I do too. But if you don't leave him, I'll never be able to respect you," he squawked. At fourteen years old, puberty had assaulted him at full force. His voice was squeaky, and his body was lanky. But, he was a young man of value.

"Joel, you don't know nothin' about it. I'm sorry to put you boys through all this. I love you both most...you know that," she said, voice grave. Her eyes were red from crying, but she refused to cry in front of her children. Joel had learned his strength from his mother alone.

"Then put us first. We'll leave with you, and I'll take care of us. Tommy can start workin' in a year when he's older," he reasoned.

"Joel-"

"-Momma, I ain't askin'."

There was silence. Long, tortuous silence. But, alas, she nodded.

That was almost 3 years ago. They had packed their things and moved into a hotel temporarily, until they could save enough for a small house. They sold the family car in an effort to make quick cash, and to prevent their father from learning their new whereabouts for a short time. Momma cleaned and waited tables, while Joel worked all sorts of odd jobs. When Tommy was of age, Joel firmly explained that it was his duty to help provide as well. Tommy resented him for it, but he didn't care. They had learned what the basics of survival required, and they did it as well as they could. In Joel's mind, that was enough.

Although it was hard, he knew it felt better to work and have control of their lives. There was no longer a wild card in the mix to take the family down without a sense of responsibility. And, though Joel missed his father, he didn't miss the chaos. Eventually, his father had found a way to contact them, and tried desperately to reach out to his sons. Tommy was happy to communicate, and was adamant that their father was apologetic. Maybe he was after all. But, Joel refused him whenever he called. Momma and Tommy tried to explain that bitterness was unfair, and that forgiveness was a virtue. Joel simply explained that he wasn't capable of forgiveness, because he was too busy trying to fix his father's mistakes.

Needless to say, spending all this time with Vera had finally given him a taste of carefree adolescence.

These past few weeks had been exhilarating! Never had he been so happy, and when he lost his virginity to the girl of his dreams, it was almost like the cards were finally right.

The car door opened, and Joel turned to look at his girl.

"You okay? You don't look too hot," he noted, and she stared at the floor, thick with pallor on her face.

"I think it's just somethin' I ate, I'll probably be okay later on," she suggested, and with a nod, they headed toward school.

Not even halfway there, however, Vera begged for Joel to stop the car. He did as he was told, and she opened the door before the car could come to a complete stop, and began to retch violently. Joel sat there for a moment, unsure of what to do, before he pulled a napkin out of the glove compartment. When she had finished, she sat with her head against the seat and closed her eyes.

"You're not well enough to go to school, I'm taking you home," he decided, but she shook her head.

"Joel...I ain't sick," she tried to explain, and immediately, Joel froze.

"...What do you mean?"

"What do you think I mean?" she spat with indigence.

"Are you kiddin' me? It's not possible."

"It's definitely possible, I mean look at me," she rolled her eyes.

"No, no, no, no. When I told you I didn't have a condom, you said it was okay. You said not to worry!" he yelled, and felt his world come crashing down. Vera looked as though she might cry.

"I just meant that I was all right...like, I wanted to do it. I...I'm really sorry," she admitted pitifully.

"You aren't on birth control?" he asked, and raised his voice more.

"You know my Dad would never let me, " she managed to choke out, and then she began to cry softly.

"We don't know for sure. You still need to take a test, or get blood work or somethin'. We need to do that first," he decided. She just shook her head.

"I'm at least 6 weeks late, Joel. I'm sick all the time, and my body is...changing. How much proof do we need?"

Joel sat there for a minute in shock, then rage, before he began to hit the steering wheel as hard as he could.

"Our lives are over, Vera. We've really fucked it all up," he spat, and Vera began to sob.