"Arien, are you listening?"
Arien blinked, shaking her head. The Hobbit Bilbo stood on a stool at the center of the Fire Hall, reciting his poem he'd finished that morning. Typically she enjoyed his renditions of the old tales and listened with fervor, but her thoughts were heavy this evening.
"I apologize, I was lost in thought," she told Elrohir, who sat beside her in his usual place.
"Would you like to retire early?" Elrohir asked.
"Perhaps," she said. "Rest might help calm my mind."
Elrohir offered his arm to her, but she insisted he enjoy the rest of the evening with the guests and friends. Normally she wouldn't have minded the company, but she did not want him to know she was merely excusing herself to go to the library again. She wanted to go over a few passages she found earlier when making notes about the Silmarils. The jewels of power created by Fëanor in the first age had not been seen on Middle Earth since the "War of the Jewels" – as the history books called it. Yet, they appeared in her vision of Melkor and Thuringwethil. Though she had only ever seen artistic renditions of the jewels and their radiance, she had known immediately what they were.
However, she didn't get the chance to retrieve the books whose passages she sought. When she entered the Library, Rian, Taelen, and Hanna were waiting for her.
"Elladan told me we would find you here before long," Taelen explained before Arien could ask how they knew she would be there. "He said you had that look on your face that only books could satiate."
"He knows me too well. But why the need to find me in secret? Why could you not approach me after dinner?"
"We needed to talk without Gandalf or Lord Elrond hearing," Hanna said, motioning for Arien to sit by her.
"What could we talk about that they – "
"We need to leave tonight," Rian cut her off, her jaw set and arms folded across her chest.
"Why? The council is tomorrow, and we'll finally hear from the scouts as to Thuringwethil's movement."
"Rian overheard the scouts reporting to their captain this morning," Taelen said, distress expressed freely on his face, "They said they followed news of the Demon to the entrance of Dol Goldur, but none could enter after her. There was a strange mist that shrouded the surrounding area as well, and a cold fear entered their hearts. They did not dare spend much time investigating."
"And because of this, the council is pointless for us," Rian said, shaking her head, "We need to leave now, not in a few months or weeks. Even days may be too late."
"Too late?" Arien asked.
"Your vision – you saw Thuringwethil bring back Melkor. If she's gone to Dol Goldur, then that's what she's doing now."
"But I saw her bring him back with the power of a Silmaril, and as far as we know, none of the Silmaril's have been recovered."
"How do we know she does not have one?" Taelen asked, "It's not likely she would have shown us, or the Elves following her."
"Besides," Hanna added, "if she doesn't have one, then we need to stop her before she gets one. I would rather deal with her than with Melkor."
Arien hesitated before responding. If Thuringwethil had indeed entered Dol Goldur, Melkor might intend to use it as his new strong hold. Angband, his dark fortress of old, was destroyed in the first age and sunk to the bottom of the sea – Dol Goldur made for a logical replacement. Sauron had labored there for many years, twisting darkness around him and binding evil to the stonework so that no elf could enter without harm.
The Silmarils, which she had been studying in her spare moments, would bring a different kind of power to Dol Goldur. Arien had no idea whether they would be able to tell if Thuringwethil recovered a Silmaril, but she doubted any were found. A Silmaril-touting Demon was not about to go unnoticed. At least, she hoped.
But to leave Rivendell – the idea did not sit well. Perhaps she was afraid of leaving home suddenly, but she thought it more because of the uncertainty of their journey. They might know where Thuringwethil's location, but how would they stand a chance when they faced her? They did not know the scope of her abilities.
"I think we should wait," she said, closing her eyes a moment. "We would be unprepared to face her, and it would be foolish to do so in Dol Goldur. Our hope lies in finding the Silmarils before she does."
The other three were silent a moment, exchanging frustrated looks.
"Should we not still leave as soon as possible, then? To find the Silmarils?" Rian asked.
"Yes, but I do not believe that has to be done in secret, or with no preparation."
"Gandalf and Lord Elrond would try to stop us. They're too preoccupied with their council and the ring Frodo brought with him."
"If they would try to stop us, why would we defy them? Have they not been appointed as guardians and guides for us here on Middle Earth?" Arien looked away from Rian to Taelen and Hanna. Taelen gave her a sympathetic shrug, but Hanna held up a hand.
"That doesn't mean they were perfect," she said, her statement little more than a whisper as she looked at Rian.
Arien looked at Rian as well, and for the first time, could see past her face. Her countenance was grey, and her heart was hurting.
"What did Gandalf do?" Arien moved to touch Rian's arm, but the latter pulled away harshly.
"We can't get into that right now," Rian growled, "But know that sometimes we need to make decisions for ourselves. We can't rely on the aid of our guardians forever."
Taelen spoke. "You know I agree with you, Rian." A thoughtful expression on his face as he looked around the table. "But what Arien said also has me thinking. We might need to change our plan."
"Taelen." Rian glowered at him. "You said you would support – "
"I did, and I do support us leaving tonight, but I hadn't thought about the possibility of finding the Silmarils before Thuringwethil."
"I'm embarrassed to admit I had not thought of that either," added Hanna.
"I have read about the Silmarils before, but I started studying them after the attack at the Southern border," Arien stood and grabbed a few books and scrolls from the shelves around them and placing them on the table, "I think I can pinpoint an approximate location for each, but when I say approximate, I mean it. The stories are not exact, and some are conflicting."
"But we have a starting point?" Taelen sat forward, grabbing one of the books and opening to the page Arien had bookmarked.
"Sorry, but you might have to fill me in," Rian sighed and leaned back in her chair. "I know that the Silmarils are jewels, but why do we not know where they are?"
Arien had to stop herself short of clapping her hands in excitement as she directed Rian to the painting behind her. The image was of three fair jewels, surrounded by light, and placed on a crown of silver bands.
"There has been speculation across the ages since the Silmarils disappeared, but I searched through them and have written down the consistencies, which pinpoint three locations: the sky, the earth, and the sea. One we know for sure was taken by Eärendil to Valinor and set by the Valar as a star in the sky. The other two were stolen back by two of Feanor's sons – Maedhros and Maglor. The stones burned their hands, and in agony one brother tossed himself and the stone into a fiery pit, and the other tossed his treasure into the sea."
"A fiery pit? The sea?" Rian frowned. "And one is a star? This all seems impossible. We wouldn't even know where to start."
"Rian is right, that is not what I would say a pinpointed location," Hanna chimed in, looking skeptical as well.
Arien shook her head.
"That's why I was coming to the library. I spent most of the afternoon pouring over various maps, and I think I can figure out where we should search. I am confident that if we ride north to the Ice Bay of Forochel, we will find the one tossed into the fire.
"I re-read some of my notes on the Silmarils from several years ago. Maehdros was not seen after he and Maglor recovered the Silmarils,
"Who is Maehdros?" Hanna asked.
"One of the sons of Fëanor -"
"Who is Fëanor?" Hanna asked again. Arien could see the concentration on Hanna's face and opened her mouth to answer but Taelen cut her off.
"He was and Elf who did a thing, go on Arien."
"Right. Maehdros was not seen after entering Utumno – Melkor's fortress in Angband, therefore he must have tossed himself into a fiery pit in that horrible place. The sea eventually drowned Angband, but the Ice Bay of Forochel should be right on top of where the ruins of Utumno lay."
"Then we should go north." Rian crossed her arms, looking around at them like she was ready to shoot down whoever would challenge her..
"Yes," Arien told her, "but I am not sure where we would go next."
"How long will it take you to figure out where the other Silmarils should be?" Taelen asked.
"I'm not a practiced cartographer, but if I had a few days I could finish compiling my notes and calculations."
"A few days is too late. We need to leave now – " Rian started.
Taelen waved his hand. "Arien, can you take whatever materials you need to finish calculations while we travel?" He pulled a map out of the pile of scrolls and unfurled it across the table.
" I can do the rest as we go. I can tell you now that we will need to head north first."
"Then it's settled, we leave before dawn," Rian stood, looking lighter than when Arien had first entered the library. "I will meet you all at the stables."
Arien watched her leave, and turned to Taelen and Hanna when the door had been shut.
"Is there a reason I should not be questioning Rian about why she holds so much distaste for Gandalf? I am confused as to why she is anxious to leave without him knowing, and without consulting him."
"I would leave it be, she has been tight-lipped about it since I started helping her figure out her powers, but she opened up to Hanna about it a bit," Taelen said.
"Her powers? But Gandalf was the one designated to instruct her, why would she need your help?"
"I am afraid the wizard might not have been the guardian you found in Lord Elrond," Hanna said. "Rian has been relying on Taelen to begin using her powers. Gandalf kept them hidden from her, her whole life. She was passed around from family to family in Bree before she ended up traveling and training in combat with the Dunedain."
Arien leaned back, placing a hand over her chest.
"Did Rian tell you why he did this?"
"No, even she doesn't know. She is worried he did not believe she could control her powers, but I know there must be more to it."
"We might never find out." Arien stood, gathering the books and scrolls from the table. "But I will also do all I can to help Rian. We are her companions now, and we will aid her moving forward."
Taelen and Hanna agreed, also standing to leave, and the three of them bid each other goodnight and went to their rooms. Arien did as she said and worked late into the night, drawing careful calculations on various maps, and packing items in large saddle bags she had picked up from the stables.
Just before leaving to meet the others she sat down and folded up the maps and tied together a few books and a stack of her research notes. She was about to pack her ink and a few quills when she felt a tug at her heart and decided to compose a short letter to Elrond to leave in his study to explain why they left and thanking him for everything. She hoped she would see Elrond again, but she knew nothing past the need to stop Melkor.
Arien did not know if it was right to hope to return to Rivendell someday. She walked slowly to the stables after placing the letter on Elrond's desk in his study, and not just because the saddle bags she carried were heavy. Each footstep was laden with memory and longing for one more day in her beautiful home. There were many things she would have done, many goodbyes she would have said, if she had known the day before that she would be leaving.
"Arien, what are you doing?"
Arien had been so lost in thought she hadn't heard Elrohir approaching. She looked frantically for anywhere she could hide the saddle bags but it was too late.
"I'm just returning these to the stables. You are out and about early!" She knew her voice was too high to convince Elrohir the second she spoke.
"I am on my way to see Ada about the Council this afternoon; he asked me and Elladan to attend." He glanced at the saddle bags. "I thought you were supposed to attend as well."
"Ah, yes." Arien pushed past him and continued down the hallway. "I will see you there then!"
"Will you?" Elrohir rushed after her. "Because it seems like you are leaving."
"I do not know what you are talking about –"
"Arien, you have never dressed in that travel tunic, you never wear your swords or bow unless you're going out to the practice fields, and I can tell those saddle bags are full."
Arien stopped and looked at him, closing her eyes a moment. Of all the people who she was afraid would try to stop her from leaving, Elrohir was at the top of the list. Even more than she was afraid of Elrond, she feared Elrohir's desire to have her stay in Rivendell.
"The four of us are going to recover the Silmaril's. We are leaving before Ada and Gandalf have the chance to object, so if you tell me I cannot go, or that you're going to alert them now, then I am warning you Elrohir – "
"Let me come with you – "
"You have not felt the full extent – you want to come with me?" Arien nearly dropped the saddle bags. That was not the first reaction she had expected from him.
"I know you are going to do what you and the others have to, but I've told you before Ari, I never wish to be parted from you," Elrohir reached out and touched Arien's shoulder, the contact stopping her in her tracks.
"Elrohir, please – "
"I can help you, I have ridden all over Middle Earth and fought in more battles than I can count."
"We are facing more than just Orcs and Goblins, Elrohir." Arien shook her head and felt tears start welling up in her eyes. "And besides, we have been over this, I have my path and you have yours. We must part ways."
"But what if you are my destiny? What if I am part of yours?" Elrohir stepped closer to her, taking the saddle bags out of her arms and setting them on the floor. "Why can I not tread the same path as you?"
"Please, you are making this harder than it has to be." A tear slipped down Arien's face. Elrohir reached out and brushed it away with his thumb, cradling her head in both his hands.
"I will not go with you if that is not what you wish." He took a deep breath. "But you must know, without you here, I shall not feel warmth from the sunlight, nor peace in the starlight."
"Elrohir – "
But before she could tell him he was being dramatic he pressed his lips against hers, holding her face gently in his hands.
*** Four years previously ***
"I beat you, but I know you let me!" Arien laughed, collapsing on the ground under the single tree in the small clearing with a grin, "Now what is the surprise?"
"We come all the way out here to our star gazing spot and you don't want to look at the stars first?" Elrohir chuckled, spreading out the blanket he carried. He sat down on it and motioned for Arien to join him.
Arien rolled her eyes.
"You know I am not very patient. Besides, we have used this spot for picnics and poem readings as well." The clearing, hidden behind a large hedge in the garden, had a tall tree and flowers, as well as a perfect blanket sized spot for looking up at the night sky.
"Very well." Elrohir took one of her hands in his. "Arien, you know I have always cared for you immensely, and valued your companionship above that of others."
"You have never said so in such forward language, but I could have guessed as much," Arien smiled at him.
"Then it will not come as a surprise that I seek to further our relationship." He scooted closer to her, taking her other hand in his so he held them both.
"What do you mean?"
"I mean I love you, Arien. You have brought light to my life since the moment you came into it, and have become my dearest companion. Your beauty is not matched by anyone else, not even the starlight we sit in. I wish to never be parted from you."
"Elrohir, I – "
"You do not have to answer now, but if you are alright with it, I would like to ask Ada if I may be allowed to court you."
"Elrohir." Arien pulled a hand away and covered her mouth. She had tears in her eyes, and Elrohir smiled softly as he brushed a strand of hair off her face.
"Melethnya [my love]." His hand cupped her face and he moved forward to kiss her, but she shook her head and pulled away.
"Elrohir, don't, you don't understand, I cannot be courted. I cannot love you like that."
In an instant his face went from bliss to confusion. He pulled his hand away from her face, but kept hold of one of her hands.
"Why not? You have acted like you love me, nearly all of Imladris has seen it. And you used to tease that when you were older you would marry me, when did that change?"
"I teased that as a child, but I did not know the path that lay before me."
"But why should that path not include me?"
"Have you ever wondered how I came into your father's care? Have you ever wondered about my true heritage? If you knew, I am sure you would not have asked me this."
"Then tell me so I may understand, and so I may convince you otherwise."
Arien signed, pulling her other hand away from his. She spread both of her hands out in front of her body, palms up, and suddenly a bright light emanated from them.
"Oh!" Elrohir exclaimed, pushing himself back with a start.
Arien closed her hands around the light, then with a flourish tossed the light over underneath the tree. It illuminated the space, casting a pale blue light over the flowers at the tree's base. Then with another flourish of her hands, the air around the tree began to move, spiraling upward. The light at its base separated into tiny spheres, swirling with the air, like hundreds of blue fireflies.
"How are you doing this?" Elrohir asked, his voice just louder than a whisper.
"I am the daughter of the Valar Manwe and Varda. I share dominion with them over the skies and the light. I was sent here to Middle Earth to prevent Melkor's return in the third age of this world, and to serve as a guardian till the time my parents call me home.
"I cannot allow myself to get caught up in love for one person when the fate of so many rest on my dedication to my task. I am sorry, Elrohir."
"I do not see how love and dedication to one person should take away from the whole. Your parents love each other, and their love makes their powers stronger, not weaker."
"That is different, they were made to be together –"
"And who is to say we are not?" Elrohir tried to grab Arien's hand again, but she pulled away and stood.
"I cannot love you as you wish, Elrohir. I – I am sorry. Truly, I am."
And she turned and ran through the gap in the hedge.
The memory of that night - the light from the stars mixed with the blue light she created, the breeze blowing past them to wrap around the tree, Elrohir's loving gaze as he talked to her. It was all she could think of as Elrohir kissed her.
She pushed away from him at last, not daring to open her eyes right away.
"Arien – "
She put the fingertips of her hand over his lips and opened her eyes, another tear sliding down her cheek. Elrohir also had tears in his eyes, but she could feel him willing himself to not let them spill.
"I am unsure when I will see you again, Elrohir. I have a long journey ahead of me, and I suspect you do as well. If we ever meet again, then… we will see what happens."
She bent and picked up the saddle bags, careful to brush the last of her tears away while Elrohir could not see her face.
"Ari..." She almost cringed at the nickname he had used twice now – he hadn't used it since that night four years go. "Please tell me you love me too."
Arien wished she could sink into the floor and cease to exist.
"I love you as much and I can, Elrohir, but no more." She turned to leave, but Elrohir caught her arm.
"I know you will be smart on your journey, but know that I am ever wishing for your safety and success."
"As I am yours."
They locked eyes one more time before Elrohir let go and Arien finally turned away to leave. The strength in her legs was just enough to get her out the door and to the stable before she collapsed in a pile of straw just inside the doorway. As soon as she saw no one else was there yet she broke down and sobbed. She wasn't sure if it was because she was leaving home, because she didn't get to say to goodbye to Elladan or Elrond or so many other friends, or because every time she had to break Elrohir's heart, she broke hers too.