We found the boutique in which Alice had spotted the maroon colored dress with ease. "Do you want to stay in the car?", she asked me once I had turned off the engine and I felt her hand on my forearm. I looked up from the steering wheel and into the store. It did not seem too busy from here. "No, I'll be fine", I decided and patted her hand before exiting the car and opening her door.
A big smile lit up Alice's face while she opened the entrance door and danced inside. Of course, my angel did not end up trying on only that one dress. By the time we got to the women's dressing rooms, she had decided upon six different dresses, three petticoats, two blouses and a hat. I placed everything into her cubicle for her and then went to wait outside, just as custom demanded. I waited in front of the cubicles, leaning my back against the wall with a "changing rooms this way"-sign on it and listening to Alice changing in and out of gowns in vampire speed.
My thoughts were lingering on the previous encounter and I hoped that I did not ruin everything by not being completely straightforward with my backstory. Not, that they had asked. But if I was in their shoes, I would have wanted to know that the person I was letting into my family had killed not only humans but nearly as many vampires before. Pushing the thought out of my mind, I remembered to let my gaze wander through the store and to shift my weight from time to time, just as Alice had instructed me to do the first time we went out among humans.
Although Alice and I had been hunting the previous night, I had stopped breathing once we entered the building. It was safer this way. It didn't take long before a saleswoman passed me, her client in tow. Unfortunately, they stopped at a display right to my left. Close enough for me to hear their heart beating. To see the blood pulsing under their soft pink skin. I could feel the venom gathering in my mouth as my throat began to ache. I suddenly had the taste of human blood in my mouth, remembered how it felt, the satisfaction it provided. The strength it gave me. Trying to resist the urge to attack the women, my jaw clenched and my hand hat grabbed the clothing rack next to me. The aluminium gave in under my strength and I was on the brink of giving in to the temptation, when Alice saved me by calling out my name.
Half-consciously, I followed her voice to the fitting room she was in and she did not hesitate a second before pulling me into the cubicle with her. "Easy Jazz, concentrate on me", I heard her soft voice permeated trough the pounding of human hearts echoing in my head. I felt her fingers caressing my cheek, while she quietly whispered, that everything was going to be alright. I tried to do what she asked from me, closing my eyes and focusing on her steady breathing. And then it happened.
Just like the night when I first met her, her emotions washed over me and dulled everything else. That night in Philadelphia, this had been the reason I stayed with her. Sure, at first it was curiosity. Who would not be curious, if someone you'd never met before, greeted you with your name and said, that she had been waiting for you? But the reason, why I decided to follow her to her apartment, was the way she made me feel.
I had spent many months wandering the countryside, completely absorbed by my thirst and depression. At one point, I had even considered going back south to join another army and let the new-borns take care of me on the battle field. Fortunately, I did not go through with this plan before reaching Philadelphia. Before reaching Alice. From the moment I sat down next to her, when she laid her hand on mine, I felt things I hadn't felt for years. All her joy, relief and excitement completely captivated me. She gave me hope - an emotion I had never felt in my new life before. And in the rush of her feelings, I believed every word she told me. It was enough to convince me that we were supposed to be and I haven't left her side since.
Slowly, I opened my eyes again and was greeted by the most beautiful smile in this world. "Thank you", I said affectionately and took her hand into mine, placing a gentle kiss on the back of it. My bloodlust was not gone - it never did - but I felt back in control again. "I have one more dress to go, then we can leave", she promised and I nodded, leaving the room to give her space. The saleswoman was still close by and shot me a disapproving look but did not bother to come over and lecture me on how these were the women's changing rooms and I had no business of being in there.
Two minutes later, Alice finished and decided to buy the maroon dress she had her heart set on, as well as a new petticoat and a light-blue blouse. We went to the checkout, where she paid for everything and then handed me the bags. I was taking the bags from her, when I noticed that her expression had gone blank. Another vision. Did the Cullens decide? Gently, I laid my arm around her, guiding her to the exit and onto the sidewalk. I was opening the car door, still having my arm around her in case she would faint, when suddenly she let out a joyful cry. "They are letting us stay Jazz! They want to get to know us better before making their final decision but that doesn't matter, we can stay!", she exclaimed and threw her hands around my neck.
Normally, Alice accepted my upbringing and did not care too much for displaying affection in public either, but under these circumstances I could understand her reaction, and embraced her as well. Her emotions were like a drug for me and for one sweet moment, I enjoyed being bathed in her joy. Then, however, I straightened up, calmed her down and let go of my angel. "So, what do we do now?", I asked her while opening the passenger seat door. "We are going back of course! I have to share my new dress with Rosalie and Esme", she decided and took her seat while I quickly stowed the bags in the trunk and then got into the driver's seat.
The way back to the Cullen mansion seemed longer to me than before, which was of course nonsense. When we arrived there, the sun had already set, and dim lights provided the mansion with a warm glow. If it were up to me, I would have left Alice's shopping turnout and our travel bags in the Jaguar for the time being, but my angel insisted that I should bring them, since she had already seen that we would be given our own room. Emmett answered the door and gave the bags in my hand a puzzled look: "How'd you…?", he started, then looked at Alice and understood. "Ah, alright. This is going to take some getting used to", he said and let us in.
The others came from the living room and Esme smiled at the sight of our luggage. "Shall I show you where you can put these?", she asked me and I turned to Alice. She, however, had already started talking to Rosalie, which led me to accept Esme's offer. But before following the caramel-haired vampire upstairs, I shot Edward a quick glance. Did you tell them?, I thought and the bronze-haired vampire shook his head quickly. I sighed in relief. Thank you. Then, I followed Esme upstairs into their guest room.
I placed our bags on the floor next to the wardrobe. It would be better if Alice unpacked, since 80% of the stuff was hers anyway and all of my clothes had been bought by her as well. "Is this all you have?", Esme asked and I nodded. "That's not a lot. How long have you two been travelling?", she further inquired, and I straightened my back before answering: "For about two years now. Alice has this obsession with clothes and refuses to wear the same thing twice. This keeps our luggage to a minimum, since she buys new stuff anyway whenever we get somewhere." I chuckled at the thought of my shopping obsessed companion and Esme laughed warmly. "I think Rosalie, Alice and I will get along splendidly in this department. You seem to be a bit more practical, am I right?", she said in response, when we left the room and I nodded again. "I was certainly. I had been travelling alone for many years before meeting Alice. As long as I had a pair of sturdy boots and a weatherproof coat, I was good", I explained and added, "however, Alice did not approve of this look". Esme laughed once more and I knew, that it would be easy to like her, not only for Alice but also for me. She exuded this warmth, that made me feel comfortable being around her.
Alice and Rosalie crossed us at the top of the stairs, on their way to look at the new dress and Esme joined them spontaneously. Now alone, I thought about what to do, when I spotted an open door at the end of the corridor. The light was on and I could recognize book shelves from where I was standing. Since literature was one of my biggest passions, I decided to see who was in there and found Carlisle sitting at a big wooden desk. "Jasper, come in", the older vampire said when he noticed me and closed his book. This must be his office, I thought and let my eyes wander through the room. Except for one wall, which displayed multiple paintings, shelves took over most of the wall space in the room.
"I'm sorry, I did not want to disturb you", I apologized politely, eyeing the books to my right. "Never mind, I was done with the chapter anyway", the vampire replied and I could feel him looking at me. "Do you like to read?", he asked and I resisted the urge to nod, since my military training demanded to show my superior respect by answering in full sentences. Thus, I replied: "Yes, I do. History and Philosophy for the most part, but I also enjoy classic literature." I turned to him and saw a smile appear on the blond vampire's face. "Feel free to take any of my books if you like. I don't mind sharing", he offered and I thanked him while eyeing the book he was reading at the moment. 'Cardiovascular Diseases' was written on the cover in big black letters. As if he had read my thoughts, the blonde explained: "Medicine is one of my greatest passions. And I am very lucky to be able to practice it."
Startled, I looked up and straight into his eyes: "Practice? Like, on humans?" He nodded and then told me, that he was working as a surgeon. It had taken him years and years of practice, but now he was nearly immune to the attraction of human blood. I was impressed. Never would I have thought that something like that was possible. "That is really impressive. I can only imagine how hard it must have been to get there", I said, taking the seat Carlisle offered me. "Thank you. It was and it took a long time. But it was worth it", he answered and folded his hands on the table. "How is it going for you? How are you adjusting to being thirsty all the time?"
His words made my throat ache and I swallowed dryly to make it go away. He was referring to the fact that, in contrast to human blood, animal blood never fully satisfied us. "I can handle the feeling of it… I tried to minimize my feedings before. It was a constant trade-off between an aching throat and having to endure the emotions of my victims. However, during that time I also avoided humans as much as possible. It's not the thirst, that's challenging. It's being among them. It's the temptation…Hearing their heart beat, smelling their blood, seeing it pulsing through their veins… But not being able to act. I am not used to restraining myself. For years I could satisfy my hunger whenever I pleased. Now, when I get to close to them, sometimes my instincts just take over. Or at least they try to… Do you know what I mean?", I said and ran my hand through my hair. "Yes, I think I can imagine what you mean. Just know, that we are here to help you. I am sure, you can do it", Carlisle replied and gave me an encouraging smile.
I didn't want to talk about me anymore, so I let my gaze wander and found myself interested in the collection of paintings on the wall to our right. "Are you interested in art as well?", I asked him and rose to take a closer look of the work. "Only if it means something to me", Carlisle replied and followed me. There were multiple pictures from several eras, and it made me question how old he was. "Some of these are very old…", I mentioned and looked at the blonde vampire from the side. "Yes, they are. I was born in London at the beginning of the 1640s. My father was a priest who believed not only in god but also in the supernatural…", he said and began to tell me his story.
It was an impressive tale and I felt myself captivated by it. Carlisle was a very good storyteller. He had been a vampire hunter, turned into the very beast he hated so much. Apparently, he had tried to kill himself multiple times, a part of his story which I could relate to. Driven by hunger, he eventually fed on a deer and found that there was another way of living for creatures like us. From that point on, he started to embrace his immortality, travelling the world and studying multiple subjects, which eventually led him to medicine and through his work as a doctor to Edward and Esme. I could tell, from the way he spoke, that he had truly found his calling and was happy with the live he now had. I was glad for him, and could relate to his search for something that fulfilled him. I had never felt complete before I found Alice.
"Thank you for sharing this with me", I said as he ended his impressive tale and I felt even guiltier now, knowing that he had been so open and I hadn't been completely forthcoming. I let the thought linger while I studied the pictures and finally recognized him in one of them. "Is this you?", I asked, pointing out the figure. He nodded and said: "Yes, that was in Italy, in the early nineteen-hundreds. I was with" – "the Volturi", I interrupted. The crest, which the figures sported, was familiar to me, but it had taken me a moment to realize what it meant. "Yes, the Volturi. I am surprised that you know them. From what you told us, I did not expect that you have visited Europe", Carlisle responded. I sighed. He had entrusted me with his story, it was only fair for me to follow.
"I don't know the people in the painting. I just know their crest. Everyone knew it, when I was fighting in the South", I clarified, turning away from the picture. "I am not sure I follow…", he said, and I clenched my jaw, absently rubbing my forearm before asking him: "Have you ever heard of the Southern vampire wars?" - "I have heard of them. Vampires used armies of new-borns to secure territories in the South. I was with the Volturi shortly after they returned from their … cleansing", Carlisle answered and I nodded. "Only the war went on, long after the Volturi left. To the best of my knowledge, some are still fighting today", I explained. "I was part of a new-born army for the bigger part of my new life. That's where I know the crest from." Carlisle's look had been focused on my face and I was wondering, if he was studying the marks on my jaw. His feelings did not give me a clue either. I couldn't find disgust, fear or anger in him. He was more… curious. "Jasper, would you like to tell me your story?", he asked and gestured to the seats we had taken before, when he told me about his life. I didn't feel like I had much of a choice.
"I was a Major in the Texas cavalry during the civil war. The youngest actually, even without considering that I pretended to be three years older than I actually was, when I signed up", I started and let myself fall into the chair. Carlisle sat opposite to me and seemed very interested in what I had to tell. "It was at the battle of Galveston. I had just evacuated a convoy of women and children and was riding back to camp when I came across three women. One of them, Maria, was building a new-born army and felt that a soldier would perfectly fit her ranks."
"My military knowledge turned out to be useless against the new-borns but somehow, I managed to survive my first battles. Maria quickly grew fond of me. My talent and charisma were useful for her, I could keep the younglings calm – civilized – when we were away from the battlefield, which minimized losses immensely. I climbed in rank, and when I reached my first year, she decided to let me live and make me her second in command."
"My task was to train the new-borns, lead them to battle and - when they lost their new-born strength - dispose of them. It was Maria's strategy to never let the fighters live longer than their first year but, at the same time, disciplining them enough that we flew under the radar and did not have to worry about the Volturi coming back. At the time, this was the only life I knew. That's why I stayed, even when all the killing and aggression nearly made me go crazy because of my special ability", I told him and paused for a moment to gather my thoughts and decide how I should continue.
"Your talent is very interesting. How exactly does it work?", Carlisle interrupted my thoughts and I had to think about how I could explain this in the most comprehensible way, before answering: "It's different from Edward's or Alice's. More physical. It's not like I look at someone and then know that they are happy or angry or sad. I feel what they are feeling as if these emotions were my own. When I first turned, I had this endless hunger and couldn't satisfy it, no matter how much I killed. It took me a while to figure out, that I did not only feel my own thirst but the other's as well. After I mastered my talent enough to distinguish between my own and other feelings, I realized that it worked both ways. That I could also influence other people's emotions in the same way they influenced me."
Carlisle nodded thoughtfully. Since there was no indication of him having more questions at the moment, I returned to my story: "It was around the beginning of the 1920s when I grew fond of Peter, one of our younglings. He was a crazy optimist, his character did not fit the army life at all. And still he had combat skills l like I had never seen before. He survived the first year and I convinced Maria to let him live. But two years later, he made a mistake. He fell in love. When Maria told me to dispose of his mate, Charlotte, he freed her and ran. I could have probably stopped them, but I could not find it in me. So, I let them go. Maria was furious and, over time, turned from me."
"I knew she wanted to kill me and was prepared to do the same, when Peter returned and told me that there were no fights up North. No new-born armies, no territories. He had lived with Charlotte peacefully for five years before coming back for me. I did not hesitate one moment before leaving with him and stayed with them for the most part of the following decade. But my depression kept with me. I did not have to kill my comrades anymore, but I still had to feed... At some point I realized that my friends had a hard time being around me, since I frequently lost control of my talent and transmitted my feelings uncontrollably on everyone else. That's when I decided it was better for me, to be alone."
"I went further north and traveled around for the next few decades, until I stumbled upon Alice in in Philadelphia. And she had of course waited for me…" I chuckled at the thought of the small vampire, getting off her chair, offering me her hand and telling me, that I had made her wait quite some time. "Meeting Alice has changed everything for me. She showed me, that there was another way. That there was hope, even for someone like me. The same night we first met, she told me about you and your family. And she has talked about you and your family nearly every day since", I concluded and looked up at Carlisle, realizing that I had stared at the wooden desk most of the time, concentrating on how he reacted to my story emotionally.
"Thank you for giving her this chance, I really appreciate it. She would have been crushed, if you had rejected us", I said, now looking him straight into the eyes. Carlisle was silent for a moment and then said: "You are welcome, Jasper. And thank you for your honesty. Your story was very interesting for me. I had learned some things about the wars in the South from the Volturi in my time there, but I have never met someone who lived through them." I nodded, thinking of Peter and Charlotte. "There are not many of us left, even fewer up here in the North", I responded and looked at Carlisle, trying to judge if he had any more questions. I could see that he was thinking about something, but was not sure what it was. There were no clear emotions to read either, he was jumping from melancholy to worry, to guilt, confidence and back to melancholy, all while looking at me thoughtfully.
After a few minutes in which he had not moved, I decided to get up and look for Alice. "Do you mind if I borrow one of your books?", I asked, passing the book shelves on my way to the door. Carlisle shook his head with a with a warm smile: "Of course not, it is why I offered". It didn't take me long to find a book about the history of the area we were currently in and took it with me, again thanking Carlisle for the kind offer and leaving him alone in his office.
I heard Alice's voice from a room adjacent to the one we would be staying in and stepped closer. Since the door was halfway open, I knocked against the door frame before carefully pushing it open, revealing Alice and Rosalie standing in front of a huge wardrobe. Esme was sitting on the bed, surrounded by multiple items of clothing. "Jazz!", my angel exclaimed happily and gestured towards the wardrobe, "Rosalie has impeccable taste! This is all so exciting. We have already decided to go shopping in Calgary this Saturday!" A gentle smile appeared on my lips, looking at my love so full of enthusiasm and joy. "That sound's great Alice", I replied but could not find half of her enthusiasm in me for the upcoming shopping trip. Hopefully I would not have to go.
"Oh, I see you have found Carlisle's library?", Esme asked me, pointing at the book in my hand. "Yes, I have. He offered that I could read whatever I liked", I replied and weighted the book in my palm. "You know what, now that we have you two together, why don't we give you a tour of the house?", Esme proposed, getting up from the bed. "That sound's wonderful", Alice accepted the offer immediately and came towards me, softly brushing my forearm with her small hand in passing. "Sure, why not", I agreed and followed the females downstairs.