Author's Note:
Thank you to everyone who left a review for chapter 22 :). Since quite a few of the comments were posted as guests, I wasn't able to reply to them by PM, so I'm thanking you all here, and I'm just going to respond to a couple of the points made here:
To the reviewer who said Veronica would be induced and wouldn't have a C-section right away…. I'm aware of that, but that's not what Veronica meant when she said she wanted to ask the doctor for a C-section. She was expressing her wish to just skip the whole labour ordeal all together and go for an elective C-section (which I know isn't recommended, but you do hear of people doing it)
To the reviewer who mentioned that Lilly as a middle name doesn't flow quite as well as Lillian…. yeah, you're right, though personally, I don't really like the name Lillian, so I didn't want to use it. I did however, consider using LillyAnne though, so it would be a combination of Lilly, Lynn and Lianne, but ultimately it seems a bit of a mouthful, especially with all the other names… so Lilly it was :).
Chapter Twenty-Three
19th April 2020
One Day Old
Veronica rests her head back against the pillows of her hospital bed, smiling softly as she observes the scene before her. Her father is walking the room, Abigail cradled in his arms. He's gazing down at her with this wide, kind-of-amazed grin as he rocks her gently. He seems mesmerised by his baby granddaughter and the sight makes Veronica's heart swell with affection.
There's a soft knock on the door, Mac and Wallace appearing in the open doorway, armed with wrapped gifts and expectant smiles.
"We've come to meet the new arrival," says Mac, her eyes lighting up as she sees the baby in Keith's arms.
"Of course," Veronica nods, before shooting a pointed look at her father. "That is, if you can pry her away from him. He's been monopolising her for the last half hour."
"He is standing right here," Keith interjects, moving over to the bed. "And I can't help it; she's hard to resist."
"Hand her over, pops. Come on." Veronica holds her arms out for the baby.
"Okay, okay, here you go," he relents, reluctantly handing her over to Veronica and taking a step towards the door. "While you're making the important introductions, I'm gonna grab a coffee from the canteen."
He slips out of the room, leaving the four of them alone.
"Mac, Wallace…" Veronica nods for them to join her at the side of the bed. "Meet Abigail Echolls. Born four-thirty-six yesterday afternoon; six pounds, ten ounces."
She smiles down at her daughter. "Abi, meet your Uncle Wallace and Aunt Mac."
"Aw, Vee, she's like, super cute." Wallace shoots her a grin.
"Isn't she?"
"Totally," agrees Mac. "Can I hold her?"
"Sure."
Veronica hands her to Mac, who carefully positions the baby in the crook of her arm with a smile. "She looks like you."
Veronica frowns, leaning over to study her newborn daughter's face. "You think? I'm not seeing it yet."
"Yeah, I think she does."
"She has Logan's ears though," adds Wallace with a grin.
"God, she does, doesn't she?" murmurs Veronica, running a finger over Abigail's left ear. "Poor thing." She looks up at the others with wide eyes. "Don't tell Logan I said that."
Mac gives a soft chuckle. "Wouldn't dream of it."
"Sweet room, Vee," comments Wallace, looking around her large private hospital suite. "Didn't even know you could get luxury like this in a hospital."
"Me either, but Logan insisted," she says. "I tried to tell him a regular room would be fine, but he'd already decided we should have the best."
In truth, despite her protests, she's glad he booked the room; it gives them plenty of privacy and it has a large cot bed for Logan to sleep on, plus a private bathroom and shower.
"Where is Logan?" asks Wallace as he takes his turn holding the baby. "I wouldn't think he'd be letting either of you out of his sight yet."
"Oh, he didn't wanna, but I sent him home to shower and change, and bring some extra things for us," she says.
"So, how are you doing, Veronica?" Mac asks, tearing her attention away from the bundle in Wallace's arms and focusing on Veronica again.
"I'm…okay," she says. "Exhausted, and feel like I got hit by a Mack Truck, but okay. And, I mean, it's totally worth it."
She looks over to Wallace, who is cooing over Abigail, dropping all pretence of trying to be cool, and her chest tightens with all kinds of emotions.
"Definitely." Mac nods enthusiastically.
"She's awesome," agrees Wallace. "But it's weird to think that you're a mom now, Supafly."
"I know." Veronica shakes her head in disbelief. "It's still sinking in."
"And Logan's a dad," adds Mac. "Back in high school, could you have ever imagined it?"
The three of them share a look, before bursting into soft laughter.
"God, no," admits Veronica. "But, then, it wasn't something I ever imagined for myself either."
"And now?"
Veronica looks to her daughter again. "Now… I never wanna let her out of my sight."
Mac pats her leg over the hospital blankets. "You're gonna be a great mom, Bond."
Veronica manages a smile, even as a lump forms in her throat and she feels tears pricking at her eyes. Damn hormones.
"I hope so."
Wallace nods in agreement, before quickly turning his attention back to Abigail as she starts to cry. A slightly panicked look on his face, he looks to Veronica for help.
"I guess maybe she's hungry?" she says, gesturing for the baby and Wallace carefully eases Abigail into her arms. "The nurse said she should be nursing every hour or two at first, but to be honest, I have no idea what I'm doing."
"You're doing great," comes Logan's voice from the doorway.
Veronica looks up to see him smiling at her. He's freshly showered and changed, and carrying a backpack and a couple of plastic bags.
"Hey, you're back." She returns the smile, rocking Abigail in her arms as the baby's crying intensifies.
As Logan steps into the room, Wallace nods to Mac and they make a move towards the door.
"We'll go find Mr. Mars, give you guys some privacy," says Wallace, nodding to Abigail, before turning to Logan and holding out his hand. "Congratulations, man. She's beautiful."
"Thanks." Logan looks a little surprised as shakes Wallace's hand, as if he wasn't expecting the praise.
"You did good, man," Mac affects a deep voice as she pats him on the shoulder, giving a grin.
Logan chuckles. "Thanks, Mac."
His eyes follow them as they leave the room before he turns to Veronica, looking concerned.
"Is she okay?"
"I think she's hungry. Again,"
"Ah, so she's inherited her mother's appetite, then," he says, with a smile, as he closes the door behind him.
Veronica's eyes narrow, but she chooses to ignore the quip as she unfastens her top and tries to coax Abigail to latch onto her breast. She's starting to get the hang of this breastfeeding thing, but it's not quite coming naturally for either her or the baby just yet. When Abigail finally gets it right and starts to nurse, Veronica turns her attention back to the topic at hand.
"You know, I think the perceived size of my appetite has been greatly exaggerated," she says. "I don't eat nearly as much as you or Wallace, or even my dad."
"No, you're right." Logan says with a smile, placing the bags down on the floor and moving to the side of the bed. "Unless it's Italian."
"That was one time," she mutters with a frown. "Well, maybe twice." When Logan cocks an eyebrow at her incredulously, she adds, "Okay, like, ten times."
He smirks, taking a seat beside the bed. "I rest my case."
Veronica's tempted to respond, but when Abigail's hand brushes the side of her breast, she remembers there are more important things to concentrate on right now. She looks down at her daughter with a smile, before nodding toward the door.
"So, those two wisely made a quick escape before they had to see anything they didn't want to."
"I noticed." He gives a short chuckle. "But can I do anything?"
Veronica shakes her head, giving a soft smile. "Just sit here with me."
"Sure."
He leans forward, stroking a finger along the back of Abigail's hand, before turning her hand over and running his finger along her palm. Her tiny fingers clamp around it and Veronica can't help smiling at the look of wonder on his face.
"I love you," she says softly, after a moment of watching him.
He smiles, looking up at her. "Love you, too."
"The doctor came in while you were out," Veronica says a moment later. "They're sending us home tomorrow."
Logan blinks in surprise. "Already?"
Veronica adjusts her grip on Abigail, still getting used to the position, as she replies, "Well, there were no complications, and they seem to be happy with how we're both doing, so I guess there's no need to stay longer."
"Wow. Okay." He nods, looking a little shell-shocked.
"You all right?" she asks in concern.
"Yeah. Yeah," he says. "Just seems really soon."
Veronica smiles at his nervousness. "From what I hear, it's pretty normal to leave after a day or two."
"But, I mean, are we ready?"
She gives a one-shouldered shrug, careful not to jostle Abigail. "We'll have to be."
Late April 2020
One Week Old
Logan vaguely registers the crying from the bassinet on Veronica's side of the bedroom, and he pries open one eye to see her gingerly climb out of the bed and reach over to pick up the baby. She settles back on the bed again, propped up against the pillows and, as the crying ceases and Abigail starts to nurse, he drifts back off to sleep again.
He can't have been asleep for more than a few minutes before the sound of crying rouses him again… only this time, it's not the cry of a newborn. He opens his eyes slightly, but at the sight of Veronica, cradling the now-sleeping baby to her chest as she sobs openly, they fly open and he sits up in alarm.
"Hey, what's wrong?" he says. "Has something happened?"
She shakes her head, even as her face crumples and her shoulders hunch over.
"Veronica, please… talk to me." He reaches out to touch her arm. She just hiccups, the sobs coming harder, as she holds Abigail closer and he glances down at the baby in concern. "I'm gonna put her down, okay?"
He shifts closer, gently lifting Abigail out of her arms, supporting her head and neck as he slides out of the bed and round to the bassinet, carefully placing her down inside. Turning back to Veronica, he finds her now clutching one of his pillows to her chest, face buried in the material as she rocks gently, still crying.
Logan's chest tightens at the sight of her in such distress, and he's quick to slip back into the bed, sitting beside her and pulling her into his arms, pillow and all.
"Hey, it's okay," he murmurs comfortingly. "It's gonna be okay."
"I can't keep this up, Logan," she manages between sobs. "I need to sleep. I'm so tired that I can't even see straight."
"I know." He runs his hands up and down her arms comfortingly.
"She's always hungry, and I can't cope with it." She gives a hiccupping sigh. "I don't know what to do."
He feels a lump form in his throat at the despair in her tone, and he wishes he could take it all on for her, feedings and all, but he doesn't have the necessary anatomy for that, so all he can offer is his support and encouragement.
"You're gonna get through it, okay?" he says firmly. "You're Veronica Mars, you can do anything."
That earns him a soft, watery chuckle as she leans into his arms, her head against his shoulder.
"Listen," he continues, extracting the pillow from her grasp and reaching for her hand, entwining their fingers. "If I could feed the baby for you now, I would, and as soon as you can start using a breast pump, I will."
She nods against his shoulder and he tightens his hand around hers in response.
"Look, I know it's hard, and that there are going to be a lot of sleepless nights ahead, but you will get through this. I know you will." He shifts then, moving so he's facing her and can pull her into a hug. "Come here."
She wraps her arms around him and he exhales with relief when he feels her relax against him. When they part, he runs the pads of his thumbs across her cheeks, wiping away the tears, then cups her face in his hands.
"I believe in you," he says softly. "You're gonna be a kickass mom, Veronica. You're already a kickass mom."
"Thank you," she whispers.
He smiles, placing a soft, closed-mouth kiss to her lips, before indicating for her to lie down. Veronica complies, snuggling back against him as he spoons behind her, holding her close as she drifts back off to sleep.
He doesn't follow in sleep immediately though, his thoughts still with her. While he knows she's struggling with having gone from being independent, with a life of her own, to having her whole life defined by Abigail now, he meant everything he said just now. She's been doing great so far and despite her fears that she wouldn't be maternal enough, she's amazing with Abigail. When they drove home from the hospital—a nerve-wracking experience if ever there was one—she insisted on sitting in the back so she could check on the baby the whole time; and as exhausted as he knows she is, she's been soldiering on, making sure that she gives their daughter everything she needs.
And of course, she's not letting him slack off either. For the last few days, he's been changing diapers—and the less said about the realities of that, the better—burping Abigail, dressing her, trying to get her to stop crying, not to mention doing the shopping, cooking and cleaning. He just wishes he could do more to help with the sleepless nights right now, because despite both of their sleep patterns being disturbed, Veronica's having a much harder time of it than he is.
Early May 2020
Two Weeks Old
"Here, I'll burp her," Logan offers when Veronica finishes giving Abigail her early morning feed.
"Thanks." Veronica gives him a grateful smile, handing her over before repositioning the nursing pads back into her nursing bra and then refastening her top.
Logan adjusts the cloth that rests on his shoulder, then cradles Abigail to his chest, rubbing her back in smooth circles, like the nurse at the hospital showed him. It takes a few moments, but the baby finally burps, and then gives a soft gurgle, nuzzling her head against the crook of his neck. He smiles in response.
"Look, I'll take her for a while," he tells Veronica. "You get some sleep, okay?"
She looks between him and their daughter dubiously. "Are you sure?"
"Veronica, I can handle her for a couple of hours," he assures her with a small smile. "We'll be fine."
"I am really tired," she admits eventually.
"I know you are," he says. "And you need to grab whatever sleep you can, so don't look a gift horse in the mouth, okay?"
She looks at him consideringly for a moment, before nodding. "Okay."
Holding the baby close to his chest, he leans down and kisses her lightly. "Sleep well."
Turning off the bedroom light and closing the door behind him, he makes his way down the hall to the living room.
"Looks like it's just you and me, kid," he says, taking a seat on the couch and carefully adjusting Abigail so she's nestled in his lap.
Quiet now that she's eaten, she stares up at him in fascination, her pale-blue eyes fixed on his face. He's read that a baby's eye colour changes as their body develops more melanin, so they probably won't know what colour her eyes will actually be for a few more months, but right now, as she gazes up at him, Logan thinks she looks just like Veronica. Well, except for her ears… unfortunately, those are all him.
Logan smiles down at her, not even able to begin to describe the emotions he's feeling right in this moment, as he gazes down at his baby daughter. The best he can come up with is a combination of love, affection, excitement, joy… and just a bit of nervousness and terror… all swirling together in his belly.
He's responsible for this tiny little human's life now. She's relying on him and Veronica to feed and clothe and bathe her, to keep her alive, and that's a fucking big responsibility. No more selfishness on their parts; Abigail comes first. Always.
He runs a finger down her cheek, smiling as she turns her head towards the touch, her mouth opening instinctively, looking for food.
"Sorry, sweetheart, Mommy's the one with the milk, and she's sleeping right now," he murmurs. "Besides, you can't be hungry again; you just ate."
He reaches for her small hands, prying them out of their fists and running a finger down her palms, another smile gracing his lips as she grabs onto them. He leans forward, having also read that newborn babies can only see about a foot in front of them, and sticks his tongue out at her. She purses her lips, her tongue just visible between them, and he inhales in surprise. She's actually trying to copy him. He grins. He didn't believe Veronica yesterday when she said newborn babies could do that already, but he certainly stands corrected now.
There's movement from the kitchen then, and Pony appears in the living room, padding over to Logan and sitting at his feet.
"Hey, girl," he greets softly, carefully gathering Abigail up in his arms again. "Come to see the newest member of the family?"
Keith kept Pony for most of last week, to give Logan and Veronica time to adjust to their new arrival without a dog getting in the way, but he dropped her back home at the weekend. Pony seems to be dealing with the changes well, though she still seems a little wary of the baby, especially as Abigail is taking up all of their time now, leaving very little left for her. She rests her head on Logan's knee and looks up at him with pleading eyes.
"I know, I know. You want some fresh air. We'll go out soon, I promise." When the dog continues to stare up at him, he chuckles, before glancing down at Abigail. "Geez, look at me, talking to a dog and a newborn like they can actually respond."
The baby starts to whimper, so he stands and begins walking the room, hoping to sooth her before she starts screaming the place down. Making his way over to the French doors, he angles his arms so they're facing the beach.
"Okay, so I know you can't see it yet, but out there is sand and waves and the whole Pacific Ocean," he says softly. "When you're old enough, we'll build sandcastles and play games, and I'll teach you to surf. I tried teaching your mommy once, but it didn't stick. You're an Echolls though, you have surfer's blood in you." He looks down at the baby to find her yawning, her eyes fluttering closed. "Or maybe you'll end up taking after Mommy after all, and you'll just doze in the sun while Daddy catches all the waves."
He carries the sleeping baby over to the second bassinet they've set up in the living room, and places her down inside. Starting for the kitchen, he pats his leg and looks to Pony.
"Come on girl, let's leave Abi to sleep, huh?"
Pony dutifully follows him into the kitchen, where he sets down some food for her, before fixing a cold breakfast. Placing Veronica's portion in the fridge for later, he carries his to the couch and turns the TV on to a low volume as Pony makes herself comfortable at his feet.
The peace and quiet lasts for about thirty minutes, before the baby wakes and starts to cry. Lifting her out of the bassinet, Logan discovers she needs changing, so, trying to keep as quiet as possible as he walks past his and Veronica's bedroom, he heads for the baby's room to clean her up.
Ten minutes later, with Abigail freshly changed and clothed, he settles back on the couch again, rocking her in his arms. It's not long before a sleepy-looking Veronica appears from the hallway, yawning as she heads across the room and sinks down beside him on the sofa.
"Sleep well?" he asks, kissing the top of her head as she leans her cheek against his upper arm.
"Yeah, I did." She nods. "Thank you, for looking after her."
"Anytime," he says. "You don't even have to ask. Besides, I'm her Dad, not her babysitter, and we're doing the co-parenting thing, remember?"
Veronica smiles, her cheek brushing against his shirt as she nods. "Yeah, I know."
She sits up then, leaning closer to Abigail, smiling down at her. "Hi, sweet thing. Did Daddy take good care of you?"
Abigail just stares up at Veronica intently, just as she had done with him earlier.
"He did, huh?" Veronica continues. "He's good like that. He takes good care of me, too."
She smiles at him then and his breath catches in his throat at the love and trust in her expression.
He swallows, his voice threatening to crack as he replies, "And you do the same for us."
She nods, holding his gaze for a long moment, before she turns her attention to Abigail again.
"Look at her, Logan," she murmurs softly. "Isn't she perfect?"
"She is."
"We made her." Her voice holds a hint of awe and he feels a rush of love for both her and their daughter.
"We did," he agrees. "You know, she's looking more and more like you every day."
Veronica studies her for a moment, before slowly nodding.
"Yeah, I'm starting to see it now." She grins suddenly. "Still has your ears though."
He sighs. "So I've been told."
Mid-May 2020
One Month Old
Veronica sits anxiously in the doctor's office, the baby restless in her arms. They're here for Abi's one-month check-up. With Logan back at work now, it's the first time she's ventured out on her own with the baby, and she's finding it pretty nerve-wracking.
"Good morning, Veronica," Dr. Daniels, the paediatrician they've chosen for Abigail, greets with a smile as she enters the office. "How are you and little Abigail?"
"Morning, Dr. Daniels." Veronica forces a smile, shifting Abi in her arms as she starts to fuss. "We're doing okay."
"Good to hear. Let's get started, shall we?"
"Sure."
She undresses the baby so that Dr. Daniels can weigh and measure her, and Veronica struggles not to reach for Abi when she starts crying partway through. The doctor smiles knowingly as she glances in Veronica's direction.
"She's doing fine, Veronica," she says gently. "Nothing to worry about."
"I know," Veronica says quickly. "It's just… hard… not to respond when she cries."
"Perfectly understandable." Dr. Daniels nods. "Okay, we're all done."
Veronica puts Abigail in a fresh diaper and takes a seat with her as the doctor looks over the chart she's holding.
"Well, Abigail is within healthy weight and height ranges," Dr. Daniels tells her. "She is a little on the small size though, but that's normal given how petite you are, so as long as she continues to grow steadily, that's nothing to worry about."
"That's good to hear." Veronica smiles with relief.
The doctor moves on to Abigail's physical next, listening to her heart and lungs with a stethoscope—which the baby is not happy about at all—then checking her eyes, ears, mouth, and the soft spots on her head. Next she tests Abigail's reflexes and muscle tone, before making sure her belly button is healing nicely, and moving her legs and hips to make sure there are no problems with her hip joints. By the end of it, Abi's whimpers have died down and she's staring up at the doctor in fascination.
"Well, Veronica," Dr. Daniels says when Abigail is fully dressed again. "All looks good to me. Abigail is very healthy and developing well."
"That's great." Veronica smiles.
"How is she doing at home? Is she sleeping well?"
"She's getting there," Veronica admits. "She's still waking to nurse two or three times a night, but she's been sleeping a little longer in the middle of the night this week."
"It may take a while for her to get into a more regular sleeping pattern, but if you haven't already, you can start getting into a bedtime routine: dressing her in pyjamas, reading stories, dimming the lights."
"Okay, I can try that."
"And in the day? Is she eating regularly, staying awake for longer periods?"
"Yes, to both." Veronica nods. "Though more so on the former than the latter."
Dr. Daniels nods. "Have you noticed if she quiets down when she hears your voice, even just for a short time?"
Veronica thinks for a moment, before nodding. "Yes, actually, she does. Is that a good sign?"
"It is. It means she's recognising your voice and is seeing you as a source of comfort."
"She's started making these cute noises, too, when she sees me and Logan."
"That's also a good sign." The doctor smiles. "While it'll be a few more months before she says her first word, those gurgling and cooing sounds you're hearing are the first step to speech. Even this young, she's learning and absorbing all the time… so the more you talk to her, the more she learns."
"Really? I didn't realise that."
"Pretty cool, huh?"
Veronica looks down at Abigail, running her hand across her head. "I'll say."
"And how are you doing, Veronica?" the doctor asks then. "It's a big adjustment, becoming a mom, having a new baby to care for."
Veronica tries to smile, though it comes out more of a grimace. "I'm… coping, I guess. I mean, it's difficult, and stressful, and I feel like a sleep-deprived zombie most of the time, but then, you know, I look at her, and I just… it all seems worth it, you know?"
"I do." Dr. Daniels smiles. "But, you know, if you're feeling overwhelmed, you don't have to pretend everything's okay. It's perfectly normal to feel down, or like you can't cope, and there's certainly nothing wrong with asking for some help."
Veronica nods, even though her chest tightens at the doctor's words. "Logan's been great, you know? He helps out when he can, and he loves Abigail so much."
"But?" the doctor prompts, obviously sensing she's holding back.
"But… he's back at work now, and I'm alone with the baby all day. I have to do everything myself." Veronica takes a breath, swallowing down the lump in her throat, even as tears begin to form in her eyes. "And Logan's great when he gets home, but he has a high-pressure job and needs a good night's sleep, and so I'm the one up all night, and I don't know… I just end up feeling frustrated, and then I get angry with him because of it."
Dr. Daniels nods in understanding, a sympathetic look on her face. "It's also completely normal to feel that way, Veronica. Your hormone levels are still fluctuating and, well, who wouldn't feel a little frustrated in that situation?"
"Yeah…"
"Listen, if you need anyone to talk to, I'd be happy to recommend someone for you," Dr. Daniels tells her. "And it could be good for you to find a new mothers group to join. Spend some time with other moms who know exactly what you're going through."
"I'll think about it." Veronica nods, even though she's not sure that's something she'll actually do.
"What about your family, are they able to help you out a bit?"
Veronica gives a shrug. "Well, my dad's been offering to help as much as he can, but he works full-time and can't really afford to take time off. And my mom, uh, she lives in Phoenix, and… well, we're not exactly close."
"Ah, I see," says the doctor. "Well, all I can recommend is not to be afraid to ask for help, whether that's from Logan, your father, or your friends. You're not alone in this, Veronica."
"Thank you."
The appointment finishes up with Dr. Daniels giving Abigail her second Hepatitis B shot, during which she screams her head off, making Veronica want to snatch her up and keep her away from sharp needles forever, and after a few minutes of privacy to try to calm her daughter down—which she isn't particularly successful at—she straps Abigail into her car seat and heads out of the clinic.
Of course, Abi cries all the way home—from hunger or discomfort after the jab, Veronica's not entirely sure—but it only causes her to worry for the entire drive back, all the way up until she can sink down onto the sofa, bottle of water and snacks in hand, and feed her.
End May 2020
Six Weeks Old
Logan smiles, pausing in the process of trying to hold Abigail's kicking legs still enough to get them into her romper, as Veronica wraps her arms around his waist from behind.
"Hey, handsome, how goes the Daddy-ing?"
She leans around him and he turns his head to kiss her on the cheek.
"It would be going much more smoothly if she would just stay still for one second," he says, frowning at his daughter in mock irritation.
Abi just looks up at him, a picture of innocence, and gurgles happily.
"Welcome to my world," Veronica responds with a smile. "She becoming quite the wriggler." She moves to Logan's side and reaches out tickle Abi's stomach. "Aren't you, sweet thing?"
Abi just lets out another gurgle, and then a coo, before her eyes crinkle and her lips curve up at the edges.
Veronica inhales in a sharp gasp. "Logan, do you see that? She's smiling! She hasn't done that before."
"I do." Logan's own mouth curves up in response, his chest flooding with warmth at the sight of his baby girl's first ever smile. He places his hand over Veronica's, still resting on Abi's stomach. "Aren't you just a big overachiever already? Taking after your mom, aren't you?"
"But her smile's all yours," Veronica murmurs, extracting her hand from under Logan's and tracing Abigail's cheek with the back of one finger. "Makes up for the ears."
"Hey!" Logan exclaims in mock outrage. "Stop mocking the ears already. I can't help how they are."
"Sorry." Veronica gives a soft laugh, turning her attention back to Abi. "Let's finish getting you dressed, huh?"
They work together, Veronica holding Abigail still so Logan can slide her arms and legs into the romper without incident, and then they get both the baby and themselves ready for a peaceful Sunday morning walk along the beach.
Later that evening, Logan enters their bedroom, baby monitor in hand.
"Did she go down okay?" Veronica asks, huddled under the bedcovers, ready for a much-needed early night… she needs to get whatever sleep she can now, because who knows how often she'll be up in the middle of the night?
"Eventually," he says, crossing the room. "Took a while, but she's asleep now."
He places the baby monitor down on the nightstand and tugs his shirt over his head, then strips down to his boxers. He slides into bed and Veronica turns over to face him, smiling when he opens his arms to her. She shifts closer, resting her head against his shoulder and pressing her palm to his chest as she snuggles into his side.
"This is nice," she murmurs, enjoying the feel of his fingers running up and down her upper arm. "We haven't spent time together like this in a while."
"We've been kinda preoccupied lately," he agrees, his smile evident in his tone.
"Yeah, we have," she agrees, pausing for a moment, before continuing, "Listen, I'm sorry if I've been snappy with you lately; if I've made you feel like I don't want you around. I don't mean to be; and that couldn't be further from the truth."
"Okay…" he murmurs softly, his hand moving to her back now.
"It's just hard, being here on my own all day, dealing with the dirty diapers and the crying, and what feels like constant breastfeeding." She sighs heavily. "By the end of the day, I just need a break, and you've been awesome with that, but you need your sleep, which leaves me getting up with Abi all through the night. I've just been feeling frustrated, which has been turning to anger because I'm so tired, and you're the one who's been getting the brunt of it."
There's a long moment of silence as Logan nods slowly, his chin brushing the top of her head.
"You know I'm happy to help with whatever you need," he says eventually. "Now that you're using the breast pump, I can get up for night-time feedings."
"I can't ask you to do that, Logan," she replies. "You need to be well-rested. You can't fly tired."
"No, but you can't keep surviving on too little sleep either," he says. "Look, we'll work out a schedule or something. Try to share the duties a bit more."
"Okay." Veronica nods, lifting her head and pressing a gentle kiss to his lips. "Thank you."
Before she can pull back, Logan's hand presses against her back and he holds her there, adjusting his position so he can kiss her properly. Veronica sighs into his mouth at the long-awaited contact. They've barely managed to fit in any alone time since Abi was born, and she's been missing his company.
Logan shifts her so they're lying side by side, and, still kissing her, runs his hand over her hip and to her thigh, urging her leg over his. Veronica lets herself relax into the embrace—she's missed these moments with him—but when she feel his arousal pressing against her thigh, she stiffens, pulling away and turning onto her back, letting her arm rest over her eyes.
"What's wrong?" Logan sounds concerned.
"Sorry, I just… I can't," she mumbles. "Not yet. It's too soon."
"Hey, that's okay," he says softly, reaching for her arm and lifting it from her face. "I wasn't expecting you to."
Veronica turns her head to look at him, shooting a pointed glance towards his crotch. "Your body says otherwise."
He smiles sheepishly. "I can't exactly control it. It's been six weeks, Veronica, and you know I can't help how I react around you."
He reaches over, letting his fingers run across her cheek, tucking her hair behind her ear before running his hand along her arm and then letting his hand rest over her still slightly rounded stomach. She flinches at the touch, trying to shy away from it, but she can't ignore the expression of hurt that crosses Logan's face as he removes his hand.
"Sorry," she mutters, by way of explanation. "My body's not exactly back to normal yet."
"You'll always be perfect to me, Veronica," he tells her sincerely. "No matter what you look like."
Veronica shakes her head. "I'm really not a pretty picture right now, Logan. There's all these flabby bits I'd rather you didn't see."
"Hey, I don't care about that," he insists with a gentle smile. "You've just borne our daughter; a little flabbiness is allowed."
"Logan…" she mutters, a hint of warning in her tone.
"Like I said," he continues. "I'm not expecting anything from you, not until you're ready. I just want you to know that you don't need to be self-conscious around me. I love you, no matter what."
"Veronica's not convinced, but she forces a smile and leans over to kiss him again.
"Thank you." She pulls back and settles back beside him, saying softly, "I have missed you, though. Can you just hold me? I wanna be close to you."
"Of course."
He kisses her once more, then gestures for her to get comfortable. He wraps his arms around her and Veronica relaxes against him, breathing in his scent and listening to his heartbeat, as she drifts off to sleep.
Author's Note:
Thank you for reading :).
A note about Abigail's Hep B vaccination: from my research, it appears the second dose of Hep B can be given to a baby at either the 1-month or 2-month check-up. For the sake of the story timeline, I decided to make it the 1-month check-up :).
Secondly, I'm not sure exactly when the next update will be posted, because I will be travelling home from deployment 2 weeks today and it's about a 24-hour journey (leaving Tuesday AM, arriving home Wednesday AM). I'll try to get it posted as close to Tuesday as possible :).