Chapter Twenty-Nine

Late March 2021

Eleven Months Old (and Seven Weeks Along)

"Okay, so how will this work exactly?" Veronica looks to Logan in question as she pulls her car into a parking spot on the base Saturday morning and puts it in park.

Logan's latest group of trainee pilots is graduating today, and he's participating in an F/A-18 flyover in honour of the graduating class. Veronica's apprehensive about tagging along, given she has no connection to any of the pilots, but Logan insisted, telling her that she'll be welcome and that no one will care that she's not related to any of the graduates. When she realised how excited he was at the prospect of Abi seeing her first flyover, she just couldn't say no.

"Well, the graduation ceremony is up first," he says. "It'll take place outside on the lawn behind the mess building… you know, where we had that barbecue last year? I'll make sure you and Abs have a seat near the back, so you won't have to stand. And don't worry, you guys will blend in, no problem."

"Okay." She nods, albeit a little warily.

"The ceremony should last about an hour, and then afterwards there'll be celebratory drinks and finger food. The flyover will be a few minutes after that."

Veronica frowns at that. "Wait, if the flyover is right after the ceremony, will you even be there? Or will I just be sitting there alone, feeling like an imposter?"

"You won't be alone," he says encouragingly. "You'll have Abi with you."

As if on cue, Abi blurts out a "Dada," from her car seat and Logan glances back at her with a grin.

"Logan!" Veronica sighs in exasperation. Thanks a lot, honey. "Way to throw me to the wolves."

"Oh, don't be so dramatic." His mouth twitches in amusement as he turns back to her. "You'll be fine."

"Dada!" Abi bangs one of her toys against her car seat, trying to get his attention again.

"One minute, baby girl," he says, still looking at Veronica.

"Dada!" Abi repeats in frustration, banging the toy harder. There's a pause, before she adds, "Mama!"

Veronica straightens, inhaling sharply as she turns in her seat, astonished gaze snapping to her daughter.

"Oh my G—" She stops herself just in time. "Did you just call me Mama?"

"She did." Logan grins at her, then at Abi, reaching back to tickle her toes. "Didn't you, sweetheart?"

"Dada." She reaches for him, pressing against her car seat restraints.

"Can you say it again, sweet thing?" Veronica coaxes. "Can you say Mama?"

Abigail stares at her for a moment, as if contemplating whether or not to comply, before reaching out to her this time. "Mama."

"Awesome." Veronica laughs, giving Abigail a round of applause. "Well done."

"Mama!" Abi says again, though this time her face scrunches up in discomfort, her voice on the verge of tears as she wriggles in her seat.

"Okay, baby girl," says Logan soothingly. "We're getting out of the car now."

He exchanges a wide smile with Veronica before opening his door and sliding out of the car. While he's assembling the stroller, Veronica unfastens her daughter from her car seat and lifts her up. After a short battle with Abi over getting her to actually sit still in the stroller long enough to get her fastened in, they head inside the Officer's Mess.

Logan settles himself into the cockpit of his jet and a smile spreads across his face as he pulls his 'good luck charm' from his flight suit pocket and gazes down at the photo of Veronica holding Abi in her lap as they both smile at the camera. It was taken at Christmas, when Veronica was in the middle of helping Abi tear the wrapping paper from her gifts. Gently tracing their features, he lets his fingers rest on the picture for a moment before sliding it back into his pocket.

He grins to himself as he starts his pre-flight checks. Flyovers are always fun, but today's is special because it's Abi's first one. Despite Veronica's worry over feeling like an imposter at the graduation ceremony, he knows she's been looking forward to this, too. The other day, she even went as far as to buy Abi a new shirt that says 'Daddy's Little Pilot' on the front, and she gave a whoop of delight when Logan presented her with a pair of tiny ear protectors he'd managed to procure for Abi from the base.

When he's been given the all-clear from air traffic control, Logan manoeuvres the jet along the taxiway ahead of Tank, the other pilot taking part in the flyover, and positions the plane on the runway. Confirming he's cleared for take-off, he carries out his last minute-checks and then he's hurtling along the tarmac and lifting up into the sky.

He and Tank meet at the holding point a few miles off the coast, and make small talk across their radios while they wait for the all-clear to start the flyover. Their position, speed and flight time have to be exact in order to pass over the graduation celebrations at just the right moment.

Veronica tries to remain inconspicuous while juggling Abi on her hip and helping herself to the tantalising selection of finger food laid out by the mess. Oddly enough, other than some continuing mild nausea and dizziness, she hasn't experienced much in the way of morning sickness yet, at least not compared to when she was pregnant with Abi. In fact, she's felt pretty much constantly hungry the last few days, though maybe that's because her body is still recovering from the stomach bug and is in replenishment mode.

The graduation ceremony went off without a hitch earlier, and for the most part, Veronica was able to blend in with the crowd without drawing too much attention to herself. A few heads did turn in her direction when Abi started fussing in her stroller, but thankfully Veronica managed to her get settled down without much coaxing by lifting her up into her lap and giving her a soft toy to play with.

"Great day for it, huh?" a voice speaks from her left.

Veronica looks up to see a uniformed officer smiling down at her. He's probably in his mid-twenties and she recognises him as one of the pilots who graduated earlier.

"It is." She nods politely, hoping that if she doesn't say much, he won't either.

"So, who are you here for today?"

So much for that, she thinks, forcing a smile.

"Oh, uh, actually, I'm—"

"Sirs, Ma'ams, Ladies and Gentlemen," a voice booms over the PA system and Veronica sighs with relief at the interruption. "The F/A-18 flyover will be taking place in two minutes."

"Excuse me," Veronica says to the officer. "I'd better go get this one ready for the noise. Have a good afternoon."

Popping a finger sandwich in her mouth, she adjusts Abi on her hip and carries her over to the stroller. Placing her little girl down in the seat, she digs out the baby ear protectors Logan brought home the other day and tries to slip them over Abigail's ears.

"No-no-no…" Abi complains, shaking her head.

"Come on, sweet thing," Veronica says encouragingly. "You need to put these on, so your ears don't hurt when Daddy flies over in his plane."

"Dada?" Abi perks up at that, looking around for her father.

"In a minute, Daddy's going to be up there, in the sky"—she points upwards—"and it's gonna be loud, so you have to put these on."

"No."

"Please, sweetie?" Veronica doesn't like to beg, but they really don't have time for this right now. "For Daddy?"

For a moment, she doesn't think Abi's going to acquiesce, but then she stills, looking up at her with wide innocent eyes, and Veronica exhales with relief as she lets her slip the ear protectors on. Lifting Abi up out of the stroller again, she stands just in time to hear the roar of jet engines approaching.

"Look, Abs." She points up to the sky, looking towards the north, where Logan told her he would be coming from. "Here comes Daddy."

When the signal comes from air traffic, Logan and Tank get into position, Logan approaching from the north as Tank comes in from the south. They swoop across the base at low level, crossing paths in the middle.

As he passes over the mess lawn, Logan glances down at the crowd below him. At his request, Veronica's wearing a red jacket so he can spot her easily, and though he knows she can't see him up here, he gives her and Abi a nod and a salute as he completes the flyover.

Of course, as soon as it's over and he ascends back up to a cruising altitude to complete the rest of the sortie, it hits him how much he's going to miss this when he leaves the Navy in a few months. Okay, so it's not entirely set in stone that he's getting out yet, but really, what other option does he have? Veronica's pregnant, due in November… and he has to be here for it all—for the birth and for everything that comes after—he has to.

But can he really give all this up? Even just thinking about leaving creates a suffocating tightness in his chest. It's been just over a week since they found out about the baby, and he still doesn't know what to do. He told Veronica they would figure it out, but he has no idea how.

Okay, that's not entirely true. There are options, sure, but none of them are quite the same as being a fighter pilot in the US Navy. Yeah, he could become a commercial pilot, but even taking into account all the travelling, he can't imagine flying a passenger jet is all that interesting. After all, there's a reason why fighter jets are the most sought-after flying stream in the Navy. Only the best pilots are selected, and only the top few make it through… and he's one of them.

One of the best.

Joining the Navy was the best decisions he ever made. It's become part of him now… so, what the hell is he gonna do without it?

Early April 2021 – Easter Weekend

Eleven-and-a-half Months old (and Nine Weeks Along)

Logan's standing in front of the dresser mirror, buttoning his shirt, when Veronica gingerly emerges from the bathroom, dressed in a robe, her wet hair hanging down her back. He turns to face her, frowning in concern at the sight of her pale features as she carefully sits down on the edge of the bed.

"You okay?" he asks, crossing the room and crouching down in front of her.

"Just a bit of morning sickness," she murmurs softly, making a face before looking down at her hands, twisting them together in her lap. "No big deal."

"I'm sorry." Logan gives a small sympathetic smile, covering her clammy hands with his warm ones. "You don't have to come tonight if you're not feeling up to it."

She shakes her head, barely suppressing the roll of her eyes. "It's your birthday party, of course I'll be there."

"We already celebrated the other day, on my actual birthday," he reminds her. "No one would mind if you stayed at home tonight. We can just say Abi's sick or something."

"Wouldn't work. She's already at my dad's." She gives a quick shake of her head. "And I'm not missing your party, Logan. Gimme some Pepto and a ginger ale, and I'll be fine."

"If you're sure." He's not convinced, but he knows better than to argue.

"I'm sure," she says resolutely. "Besides, Chaos and Sarah are in town for the weekend and it's been ages since we saw them."

"Good point." Logan's smile widens at the thought of seeing their friends again.

Admittedly, he and Veronica haven't kept in as close contact with Chaos and Sarah over the last few months as they would have liked, but life has been busy for all of them, both families juggling work and infants, and with a whole country between them, visiting each other hasn't been much of an option. They'll have the chance to remedy that tonight though, which is something he's looking forward to.

"Okay." He nods in confirmation pressing a kiss to Veronica's forehead as he rises up to standing again. "I'll let you finish getting ready then."

Willing her stomach to calm, Veronica slips her hand into Logan's as they enter the 09er, which Dick has hired out for the night. Most of their friends are already here, gathered in a group near the bar, and she forces a smile onto her face as they make their way across the room to greet everyone.

Truth be told, she would rather have stayed at home tonight, but they haven't told anyone about the baby yet, and she wants to both support Logan and also not draw attention to herself by not showing up. It's only for a few hours, after all. She can manage a few hours.

Logan's quickly swept up into hugs and claps on the back from Chaos and Cosmo, both of whom have flown into town for the weekend, and a few of his other Navy friends from North Island, so Veronica heads over to Wallace and Mac, who are standing a few feet from the bar with Sarah, Mac's girlfriend, Holly, and Wallace's date, who Veronica hasn't been officially introduced to yet, but she understands is a new teacher at Neptune High.

"Hey, guys," she greets, putting as much cheerfulness into her tone as she can. "How's it hangin'?"

"Veronica!" Sarah exclaims, stepping forward to engulf her in a tight hug. "It's great to see you!"

"You, too, Sarah," Veronica replies, returning the hug, though not quite as enthusiastically due to the churning of her stomach. "How've you been?"

"Good, good." Her friend nods. "Still in Virginia Beach, still missing you guys."

"We miss you, too."

"How are you both? And Abi? She must be getting big now."

"Yeah, she's talking a little now, and given how much she likes to get around, I don't think it'll be long before she's walking." Veronica smiles. "I can't believe she's almost a year old."

"I know. It goes so fast," says Sarah wistfully. "Ava's turning four this summer. Four!"

"You guys'll have to come by before you leave," Veronica tells her. "We'll have a playdate."

"Definitely."

"Ahem." Wallace clears his throat pointedly, drawing Veronica's attention from Sarah. "Your other friends are still here, you know."

"Sorry, Papa Bear." Veronica shoots him an apologetic smile, stepping forward to give him a quick hug. They haven't seen much of each other lately, what with everything going on. "Good to see you."

"And you, Vee." He smiles, before gesturing to his date, a tall, willowy woman with shining eyes and gorgeous flowing hair. "Veronica, I'd like you to meet Natasha, the new chemistry teacher at Neptune. Tash, this is Veronica, my best friend."

"Nice to meet you, Natasha." Veronica smiles warmly, shaking the woman's offered hand, before turning to greet Mac and her girlfriend. "Mac, Holly, glad you could make it."

"Wouldn't miss it." Mac grins. "Only time you'll catch me in the 09er, that's for sure."

"God, yeah, me too," Veronica agrees, "but Dick insisted on making the arrangements."

"Never would have guessed," replies Mac dryly, glancing around at the added birthday-themed decor.

Now that introductions have been made, semi-awkward silence falls amongst the group for a moment, so Veronica pipes up with, "Well, I'm headed to the bar. Anyone want anything?"

An hour later finds Veronica in the bathroom for the second time this evening. Despite sipping on ginger ale since she arrived in an attempt to keep her stomach settled, she's still been feeling queasy all evening. Carefully standing up, she flushes the toilet and takes a swig from the water bottle she stashed in her purse earlier. With a sigh, she runs a hand through her hair and steels herself before slipping out of the cubicle.

"Oh!" She stops in surprise when she finds Sarah leaning against the sinks, looking concerned. "Sarah."

"Everything okay, Veronica?"

She forces a smile. "Sure. I'm fine."

Sarah doesn't look convinced. "You look pale. If you're sick, maybe you should go home. I'm sure Logan won't mind."

"No." She shakes her head, moving to the sink to wash her hands. "It's okay."

"If you're sure…"

"Really. I'm good." She reaches for a paper towel.

Sarah is silent for a moment, before she turns to Veronica and says casually, "Boy, that morning sickness is a bitch, huh?"

Veronica freezes, keeping her eyes on her hands. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"You can't fool me, Veronica," she says softly. "I've been through it twice, remember?"

"You can't tell anyone, okay?" she says urgently, finally looking at her friend. "It's still early and no one else knows yet."

"Don't worry. Your secret's safe with me." Sarah smiles, linking her arm with Veronica's. "But you have to tell me everything."

"So, it wasn't planned?" Sarah asks Veronica, leaning across the small, secluded table they've settled at in the corner of the 09er.

"No, not at all." Veronica shakes her head. "Logan, Abi and I all got this stomach bug last month, but mine lasted several days longer than theirs. I was still feeling like crap more than a week later, so I went to the doctor to make sure it wasn't anything serious… and it turns out I'm pregnant."

"You know," says Sarah thoughtfully, "it's kind of like when we found out I was having Mason… it just happened. Completely out of the blue."

"I guess." She shrugs. "But, here's the thing: it wasn't supposed to happen. With my history of PID and the blocked fallopian tubes, it shouldn't even be possible."

"What do you mean?" Sarah frowns. "They fixed that, right? You had that surgery to unblock them."

"I did, but it wasn't a long-term solution. There was like an eighty percent chance the blockages would return within six months of the surgery," she explains. "We weren't even sure we'd be able to conceive Abi before that happened."

"Seriously?" Sarah blinks in surprise. "I didn't realise."

"We didn't even think we could have another baby," admits Veronica. "Let alone got around to discussing whether or not we wanted one."

Sarah studies her for a moment, looking thoughtful, before she says softly, "But, this is good news, right?"

"Yeah," she says quickly, flashing a smile, even as she looks down at her hands. "Of course, it is."

"But?"

Veronica sighs, looking back up at her friend. "But… I don't know. I guess I'm having trouble, you know, connecting with it. Like, my head knows I'm pregnant, that there's another baby in here"—her hand moves to her stomach briefly—"but my heart is struggling to accept it. It doesn't feel real. Almost like it's happening to someone else."

"I'm sure that's gotta be normal for some women." Sarah gives her a sympathetic smile. "Especially, if it's come out of the blue like this. You just need to give yourself some time to get used to it."

"Yeah, I guess."

"So, how far along are you?"

"Nine weeks," Veronica tells her. "I'm due early November."

"November?" questions Sarah, sitting up a little straighter as she glances over toward Logan and Chaos, who are standing by the bar, and Veronica can see her doing the math in her head. "But that's right after—"

"Yep. Right after Logan's shore rotation ends," she confirms. "Great timing, huh?"

"So, what are you guys gonna do?" There's renewed concern in Sarah's eyes.

"Well, Logan's mandatory service is up in October," says Veronica. "So, he's getting out. He's leaving the Navy."

"He is?" Sarah seems surprised as she looks over at Logan again. "Wow."

"Great party, man." Over at the bar, Chaos lifts his beer bottle, clinking it against Logan's glass of Coke. "Happy Birthday."

"Thanks, dude." Logan shoots him a grin, before lifting the glass to his lips and taking a swig. "Glad you could make it."

"Yeah, been too long."

"Listen, if you don't have anything planned, you guys should come over tomorrow, spend Easter with us," Logan suggests. "We can catch up before you head back east."

"Sounds good, man." Chaos nods. "I'll check with Sarah, but I'm sure we can work something out."

"Great." Logan grins. "So, how's life at Oceana?"

"It's good," says Chaos. "Though we're both getting a bit antsy over there now. Looking forward to a change."

"Yeah, only a few months left." As he speaks, Logan's eyes stray to Veronica, who is sitting at one of the tables across the room, talking with Sarah.

"Have they told you where your next assignment is yet?"

"No, not yet," he murmurs distractedly, still looking at Veronica.

"Hey, dude, what's up?" Chaos' voice brings his attention back to his friend. "You're somewhere else tonight."

Logan shakes his head to clear it. "Nothing. I'm good."

"Okay, well, Sarah and I are hoping for Lemoore again, seeing as our families are up that way," Chaos continues. "I'm guessing you guys don't want to go far either."

"What? Oh, uh, no…" Logan's attention is back on Veronica again. "Here's good."

"Dude, seriously, what is up?" Chaos snaps his fingers in front of his face. "Talk to me, man."

Logan reluctantly tears his gaze from Veronica again and finally looks Chaos in the eye.

"What's up is that I'm not reenlisting," he admits. "I'm getting out."

"You're… what?" Chaos looks taken aback, and very confused. "But I don't understand. You love the job; you've always said—"

"Yeah, well, things change." Logan cuts him off, more sharply than he intended.

"Is it Veronica? Is she not letting you reenlist?"

"No, it's nothing like that, it's just—" Logan pinches the bridge of his nose before giving a sigh. "Okay, look, you can't tell anyone else, all right?" Chaos nods and he takes a deep breath. "Veronica's pregnant again. Due November."

At that, Chaos' eyes widen in surprise and a grin spreads across his face as he claps Logan on the shoulder.

"Dude, that's awesome! Congratulations!"

"Thanks, man." Logan can't help grinning himself for a moment, before he sobers a little. "But it means I have to be here. I can't miss the birth of my child and I can't leave Veronica alone for months with a newborn and a toddler while I deploy."

"I get it, I do." His friend nods in understanding. "Family comes first."

"Yeah, it does…"

Chaos frowns at his response. "Why am I getting the feeling there's a 'but' here?"

"Because there is one."

Logan sucks in a breath, before letting it out slowly, preparing to finally say what he's been refusing to admit out loud for the last few weeks.

"Truth is, I don't want to get out." The words come out in a rush. "The thought of leaving, of losing everything I've come to love… the satisfaction, the reward, the adrenaline rush, the discipline and order… it's too much. When I think about it, it feels like I'm suffocating. I don't know what I'll do without it in my life."

"Shit, man."

"Tell me about it." Logan shakes his head. "I promised Veronica we would work it out, but I don't see how. She thinks I'm fine with not reenlisting, and I don't know how to tell her I'm not."

"Come on, you have talk to her, dude," instructs Chaos firmly. "You need to tell her the truth."

"I know I do." His gaze slides to the other side of the room again.

"You can't just keep pretending everything's fine," he adds. "Or it'll come back and bite you in the ass, and that ain't gonna be pretty."

"I know."

"What do you mean, 'wow'?" Veronica asks with a frown.

"Well, it's just… Logan's always said he wanted to stay in for life," Sarah says. "And I know having a family changes things, but I guess just never really saw him leaving."

"Yeah, well," Veronica bristles at the implication that Sarah knows her husband better than she does. "He also said he won't miss the birth of his child, or leave me to cope with a newborn alone. So, there's that."

Sarah straightens, looking a little taken aback by her reaction. "Sorry, I didn't mean to—"

"No, I'm sorry," Veronica cuts in, shaking her head. "I'm a bit out of sorts at the moment. Just ignore that little outburst."

Sarah starts to respond, but before she can say anything, Mac appears beside their table.

"There you guys are," she says perkily. "They're doing the whole cake thing in a minute."

"Okay." Veronica forces a smile. "We'll be right there."

"So," says Veronica, entering their bedroom later that night and placing her purse down on the dresser. "Did you enjoy your birthday party tonight?"

"I did." Logan gives a smirk, closing the door behind him and crossing the room, stopping behind her and meeting her eyes in the mirror. "Thank you."

"I'm glad." She takes out her earrings and drops them into her jewellery box.

"Though calling it a 'birthday party' makes me feel like I'm five years old or something." His hands cover hers as she reaches up to unfasten her necklace. "Here, let me do that."

He bats her hands away and unclasps the chain for her. As it falls into her waiting hand and she places it down on the dresser, his hands come to rest on her shoulders, fingers gently caressing her skin. He lowers his head, gently kissing her neck, and her eyes slide closed, a curl of heat igniting low in her belly. His fingers glide down over her bare arms, before he slips his arms around her waist, his palms flattening against her still-flat stomach.

"That's my baby in there," he whispers, a hint of wonder in his tone.

Veronica swallows, pushing down the sudden lump in her throat at his words.

Her eyes still closed, she murmurs, "It is."

"I love you," he responds, kissing the sensitive spot just behind her ear. "Come to bed."

"Okay." She turns, slipping her arms around his neck and rising up to kiss him.

Logan smiles against her mouth, before lifting her up and carrying her across the room, placing her down on the mattress. He makes love to her slowly and tenderly, taking his time removing her clothes and gently kissing and caressing every inch of skin he exposes. When he presses his hands to her abdomen again, fingers gently tracing patterns over her skin, and kisses her stomach reverently, she feels the sting of tears springing to her eyes and squeezes them tightly shut, willing the tightness in her chest to ease.

If he notices, he doesn't say anything, but afterwards, he gathers her up in his arms, pulling the covers securely around them, and holds her tight as they drift off to sleep.