White Rose

I never thought I would become a father. Even when I finally found someone with whom I wanted to spend the rest of my life, it still hadn't crossed my mind. It seemed so unrealistic and unattainable... I've always thought it was one of those things that I will never experience, that it's just a fleeting fantasy that will forever remain in the realm of dreams.

And then we found out that Rose was pregnant...

I'm not ashamed to admit that I was terrified. I know that we both were, even if Rose has never admitted it. She lost her loving parents too early to remember them clearly, and I've never had them. Do we know what a family truly is? How are we supposed to start our own one? How can we calm down a child who has woken up from a bad dream, when we are still tormented by nightmares full of memories that we can't forget?

And I... the person I used to be, the things I've done... How can someone like me take care of a child? How can the hands that used to kill and inflict pain touch such a delicate creature without harming it? How can I be a good father, how can I be sure that the sins of my past won't return, won't reach my child, won't define their future? And above all... what if the child will be like me? Will it have to go through the same hell that happened to me, will it also be rejected by the world? The thought that they would meet such fate because of me... I would never forgive myself.

So many questions and doubts...

However, now when I'm holding our newborn daughter in my arms, it all disappears. I may not know anything about being a father, but it doesn't matter. Because looking at this tiny, helpless creature, I only feel love and I know that I will do everything for her and I will never let anyone hurt her. I have the impression that this will be enough. I will learn everything else, just as I have learned so many things since Rose appeared in my life, just as I'm still learning to love myself, to look in the mirror and see something more than a Phantom.

I look at Rose lying on the bed. Despite her exhaustion, her violet eyes brighten with joy. I know that she feels the same thing I do.

''She's so beautiful...'' I say to her, smiling through tears in my eyes.

Rose reaches out to us. Slowly, I sit on the edge of the bed and gently hand her the child. Our child. Two simple words, and they sound so wonderful.

My gaze moves to the nearby table. There is a vase on the counter and in it, flowers – the same ones as always. Roses.

But this time they are different.

Red symbolizes courage, love, every sincere feeling that you can bestow upon another person. And that's what this first flower given to me meant – it was supposed to show me that there is more to the world than soulless cruelty, that there is something else, something warm... and that I also deserve it.

Blue is the color of hope and fidelity. It was supposed to remind me of what had been offered to me so many years ago, and which I had already forgotten about. But it was also something else – a promise.

However, both red and blue have already fulfilled their roles.

The flowers in the vase are of a different color... The color of diamonds in the engagement ring. The color of the dress that Rose wore on our wedding day. The color of the pearls that I gave her for our first anniversary. The color of snow that fell on this winter day when we found out that we were expecting a child. The color of the blanket in which our newborn daughter is now wrapped.

The roses, which I'm looking at, are white.

And this will be the colour our future will be marked by – there will be no place for darkness and suffering that have been haunting Rose and me for so many years. No... we will leave this chapter forever behind us.

And if new obstacles stand in our way, we will face them. Together. And together we will build the happiness that we both deserve.