Chapter Four

We always want those who cannot reciprocate, the incapable ones, someone deemed impossible. Blinded by the ever after we created, that one day, they will fall back right where we thought they should be. That we would settle willingly for borrowed time. A bargain for a taste of love.

Give me a moment to savor this moment. It's not an everyday thing to wake up next to the man you have always loved. I don't know how much time I have with him. Just like before, he would leave when he finds another man to love or maybe if Aesop has a change of heart. This is my borrowed time, the only thing I have from him.

Streaks of sunlight penetrate the window like a spotlight to his charming face. No, it's more like a holy light coming from heaven ready to ascend this sleeping angel.

The urge to kiss him is strong, I don't think there's anyone else in this world who looked just as lovely as him. To me, he's the most wonderful creation on earth! I am always swept away, like a fool.

I brushed his hair and tucked them behind his ear. I checked for his temperature, his fever is gone. Thank goodness!

Slowly, he opens his eyes. Staring blankly at the ceiling, deciding whether to wake up or sleep again. He shifted his side position from the bed, lying on his back. He rubbed the remainding sleepiness from his eyes.

I walked out of my room to freshen up and prep for work. I still have some take-outs from last night, we'll just reheat it for now, and I could prepare some soup for Joseph. That should suffice, right?

After doing all my tasks for an hour, I came back to my room wrapped in a towel. Joseph was still staring at the ceiling. He must be daydreaming, contemplating about his life or just thinking about that stupid man Aesop! How I wanted to bury that man! Wait, why am I even mad at Aesop? Isn't that what I wanted? No, no Mary! As a good friend, you wish for your bestfriend's happiness. Right? Well, I wanted Joseph for myself but I also wanted him to be truly happy, even if it's not with me. How pathetic!

"How are you feeling?"

His eyes scrutinized me. "I'm okay I guess? I-I don't know-you look rather bad-" He confessed.

What's with that stare? It's making me feel bare! I wrapped the towel around me tighter. As if that would cover whatever he is looking at. Wait! Bad? Who's bad? Me? "W-what?" I don't look bad! Do I?

"Your eyebags-"

What eyebags? I looked at myself in the mirror. He's not wrong. There are dark circles under my eyes. Well, I didn't sleep right away last night! Whose fault is that anyway?!

"And those wrinkles are showing up-"

Wrinkles? "But I'm using-" What are these expensive creams are for then! Michiko recommended these brands! I love these Japanese skincare regimen set!

"How can you get a guy with a face like that Mary? I'm the one who's brokenhearted and yet you're the one who looked-"

Okay! Fine! I looked horrible today! Well, he might have aged a little, but in a good way. So, yes. I guess he has the right to say these things. "I'm sorry Mr. Perfect! I was taking care of you last night hence the eyebags!" I'm beautiful! Maybe not today! But you'll see! Just some concealers here and there and gosh you'll see!

He was still lying on my bed. I walked towards him, then something caught my eye. What is that? Is that what I think it is? His gaze followed mine. "What?"

"What is that?" I mean I know what it is! But how in the world?! In the morning?!

"You know what it is."

"W-what? W-why?"

He gets up from my bed. "Come on, it's normal-"

Normal? No, it's not! Or is it? I don't really know! Gosh! How come I don't know? How will I know?

"It's not like you haven't been with a man." He laughs.

That answers it! Yes, how would an inexperienced lady on her mid-twenties would know? I haven't been involved with a man romantically. Thanks for reminding me! Well, should I pity myself for that?

"Why are you quiet? Don't tell me you're a-"

"Gosh! I am not!" I forced a laugh, hoping he wouldn't notice. "So, how are you? You have a fever last night-" I should change the subject!

"I don't know. I-I'm trying to recall what happened last night."

Last night! Way to go Mary! My cheeks become hot! Memories of last night flashed before me. Him. Me. Us. The kiss. Oh gosh! Why are you torturing me? "And have you recalled?"

He shakes his head. "No, I have no recollection at all. I just remembered that-that I was-um drinking yesterday? Then Aesop-he came with the divorce papers then he-uh left. That's it!" He touched his forehead, forcing himself to remember what happened.

"Don't push yourself about happened to us-" I didn't mean to say us!

"So, something happened?"

"N-no, n-nothing important really!" Yeah, I was just about to give myself to you! It's not important for you. "You just-um, collapsed? Then made a mess but I handled it so well!" I think!

Convinced with what I said, he placed his hand on my bare shoulder. "Thank you for taking care of me then! You are such a good bestfriend! What would I do without you?"

I wonder about that too. What will you do without me. Oh, wait. I know. Living your happily-ever-after with someone. Without me, your world would be the same! It will keep on turning. And mine? It will always revolve around you.

"I wish you'll find your happiness and whatever your heart's desire."

You just don't know how much I wished that too! "You."

"What?"

What? Did I say that out loud? "I-I mean you are a good friend too."

"I'm not sure about that. I don't think I've been a good friend to you. If only you're a man Mary, maybe I would've liked you that way." He tousled my damp hair.

What? Should I take that as a compliment? What does he mean by that?

I looked outside the window, the sun appeared as though the storm didn't happen last night. It dried all the pavement, erasing last night's memories of rain.

"Love knows no gender."

"What?"

"Love is not about preferences. Yes, we like something in common but it goes beyond that. It's about what we feel inside with our eyes closed." I moved closer to him, pointing at his heart. "Right there. So, Joseph. Please." I paused, with sincerity in my voice. "I'm asking you not to close your heart just because I'm a woman. I am more capable of loving just as any man would. Maybe more."

I am not gonna lose you Joseph! Not to Aesop! Not to any man. Not to anyone at all! Not this time! At any cost to whatever it takes! One day, you'll realize that I, Mary, is the better choice! Scratch that! I am the best choice!