Chapter Six

Some days are cloudy, some nights are cold.
Empty rooms.
Fleeting moments.
Surreal dreams.

You chase these dreams.
Every
Single
Day

You wake up to that sound of your alarm.
It's just another day.
Wishing it would be that day.
But it's never.

A thousand more days.
A thousand more nights.
You keep telling yourself to just wait a little longer.

For all you ever wanted was...

ONCE.

That once in a lifetime.

When your dream is better than your reality, waking up is never an easy task. Before you sleep at night, do you have that enexplicable happiness? Knowing that in dreams, everything is possible. In dreams, the one you love is yours. So, why do we have to wake up?

Last night's dream was the best I've ever had! Eventually, that beautiful dream will fade. I won't remember it anymore. Maybe if I don't open my eyes, it'll bring me back to that dream.

My phone rings. I only know a few people who would call me at this hour, my mother, my father or Michiko. I looked at the screen. What is this about?

"So-" her tone was cheerful.

Michiko! "I'm still sleeping-" I forced myself to wake up but doing so gave me this terrible headache.

"About Anton-"

Antonio? Not about him! "Can we just talk about this later? I-I really don't feel well at the moment. I'm sorry-"

"You're not sick, are you?" I can sense the worry in her voice. "You can't be sick today and tomorrow and the day after that!"

"Just a headache, don't worry. I'll see you later?"

"You have to be well! Tell me you'll be fine!"

I pressed the end call button. I never had this kind of headache before. Am I sick? I don't want to depend on pills but this pain is too much. I walked out to the kitchen, Joseph was near the stove, is he cooking something? I don't know. He's wearing a pink apron. He would make a lovely wife. What a cute sight! Wait, what?

"How are you feeling?" He said without looking.

"What are you doing?"

"Cooking? Obviously?" He placed a bowl of soup on the dining table. "It'll make you feel better. And this medicine for the headache-"

"How did you know-"

"You drank last night."

What? Me? I pointed at myself. Drank? No, no. I don't believe that! I swear! I controlled myself not to drink all these years because I know what it does to people. I'm always afraid that if I drink I would unleash something within. Not a pretty sight! "I never I wouldn't what?! me?! Seriously?" The aroma of the soup smelled delicious to me.

He removed his apron, folded it and placed it on the counter. "Whatever." His eyes remained on the apron. What is so important on that apron?

"Wait, tonight's my performance-" I remembered something so I went to my room to get the tickets. I handed him the frontrow seat tickets. "You should bring Jack with you."

"Jack who?"

"From last night?" Yes, Jack the one you were kissing last night! I wanted to scream but controlled myself. "So, are you two serious?"

"Oh, Jack? Last night? Yeah-Jack. I-I don't know. It's early to say-" He blushed a little when our eyes met for the first time this morning. I guess, it's serious between them. I studied his face for a minute. What is going on with him? He has bags under his eyes.

"Well, I just want you to be happy." I hope he didn't notice the crack in my voice. "See you two, tonight!" I finished my soup, swallowed the pill then drank a glass of water. "Thanks for the soup!" He called my name. "Yeah?"

His face looked so torn. Torn between what? I have no clue. "M-I-I'll see you."

At the theater, Michiko started to put her makeup on. She always does her own makeup, she's a theatrical makeup artist too afterall.

Everyone seemed so busy, walking here and there. Some giving orders and others rehearsing their best lines. And me? I just feel so blank. What am I doing? "So, as I was saying. My hubby, he talked to Tony, you know Antonio? They talked about you and he actually knows you!"

Why is it that I think I missed something? But I don't know what it is.

"He's interested in you! So, my hubby invited him to watch our performance tonight! Oh, by the way, my hubby said that Toni actually met you in school before when we were students still I think? Mary? Are you listening?"

It feels like there's this big hole in my heart. I changed into a thin robe, then the play's makeup artist started putting makeup on me then completes the look with a wig.

"Mary? Hello?"

What? "Yeah? I'm so-"

"Were you even listening?"

"Yeah, of course-" I looked at myself in the mirror after I changed into my costume, Michiko stared at me. "What? Okay, I'm sorry. I wasn't listening." I found some reddish like bruises on my chest. Oh gosh! Is this? I was having some terrible headaches this morning. I held my breath, am i sick? "What is this? Look-" I showed the bruises to Michiko. "What is this?" I started to panic. I can't be sick! Am I going to die? I want to sleep, but not die! "Is this what an early sign of cancer looked like?" Do we have cancer history in our family? Should I get checked?

Michiko spun me around, carefully examining the said area. "What were you doing last night?"

"I-I" I made a recap of last night in my head. "I don't know, maybe I hit myself somewhere. That or I am sick! Well, I'm totally sick!"

"It looked like love bites to me."

What? Love bites? "Huh?"

"But you don't have a lover so, let's go with you hit yourself or you're sick-"

I grabbed my concealer stick, this will help. There's a slight of pain when I put a pressure on the bruises. Well, maybe you shouldn't! Out of the blue, I pictured Joseph's face near my chest. Where is this vision coming from? Another dream, I guess? Michiko tapped my hand, "shall we?"

Although, I couldn't see Joseph in the audience because of the stage lights, I feel like he's standing right in front of me as I sing. My heart breaks at the thought that he is here with another man.

On my own
Pretending he's beside me
All alone
I walk with him till morning

Without him
I feel his arms around me
And when I lose my way I close my eyes
And he has found me

In the rain the pavement shines like silver
All the lights are misty in the river
In the darkness, the trees are full of starlight
And all I see is him and me forever and forever

And I know it's only in my mind
That I'm talking to myself and not to him
And although I know that he is blind
Still I say, there's a way for us

I love him
But when the night is over
He is gone
The river's just a river

Without him
The world around me changes
The trees are bare and everywhere
The streets are full of strangers

I love him
But every day I'm learning
All my life
I've only been pretending

Without me
His world will go on turning
A world that's full of happiness
That I have never known

I love him
I love him
I love him
But only on my own