The Fall of Mary Chapter Seven, an identity v fanfic

Chapter Seven

I think I 'm beginning to have a habit of drinking. I stared at the glass in my hand. I just met a wonderful man today. He's more than perfect, what can I say? He was the perfect gentleman. He's extremely goodlooking, he's taller than Joseph, he's everything Joseph is not. Or ever will be. But why can't I even feel something towards this man? Not even a single spark. When I introduced Antonio to Joseph earlier this evening, he didn't even extend his hand at him, he was just busy talking to his date. Joseph and his date, Jack bade goodbye after congratulating us from our performance. I watched them as they held hands and walk out of the theater. After my date with Antonio, I asked him to bring me home. I found Joseph looking for something in the fridge.

"You're back early?" I can sense the surprise in his face.

Well, I'm surprised too. "I'm just tired."

"You, you were wonderful tonight Mary. Your performance-"

Jack emerged from his room. "What's taking you so long? How much longer?"

So, he's here? I slightly pushed him aside, there must be some drink here. "I'll have this." I took the whole bottle and a glass from the counter.

"Mary I-"

"Just go, your lover is waiting for you." My feet brought me to the library, together with my costumes there and some stuff from my childhood, our childhood. And forward to present time, like I said, I have a habit of drinking now. What happened to me?

Joseph and Jack were just on the other side of this library. We all know what they were doing.

I have three paintings in front me, I don't really know what to do with them. Should I hang them back? Or should I just keep it hidden here?

Is there a moment in your life when you think about your younger years? What can you recall about it? What's your youngest memory? It's funny how pictures tell us about our past, and yet some, we cannot even remember.

I traced his face in our portrait, we looked so young in this painting of us.

Some memories are vague, some vivid. Maybe our hearts isolate memories that it has strong feelings for. For no matter how our minds wanted to forget these memories, our hearts betrays us by replaying it. Over and over.

I remember how I met him. How those amazing blue eyes shine more than the sun above. How my young heart first adored a young little boy named Joseph.

Flashback...

I saw a lady arguing with a little kid, about my age, I guess. Probably her little brother or her son, I'm not really sure. This little boy's tone though tells me he's a stubborn one.

"No, I don't want to mummy."

Mummy? Is that how he calls her mother? Mummy? Like the mummy I watch in the movies covered with toilet paper? So funny!

I'm at the tree house reading my favorite disney story book when I heard some noises from our neighbor, it disrupted my reading. The mother wanted her son to play outside, but the little boy insists that he doesn't want to. I knew he's stubborn!

"You are not allowed to play video games anymore Joe!"

"I'm not playing outside! I hate this place! Get me back to London!"

That explains his beautiful accent! I went down from the tree house to get a closer look, the mother noticed me so she helped me get down. "Merci, madame!"

The young boy was wearing a blue sweater on top of his collared shirt and chino shorts.

"You must be Mary?"

"Oui, madame."

"Oh, you're so lovely! Your mum showed me your picture. How was your trip to Grasse? I'm a friend of your mum! Look at you, you're so beautiful! I want you to meet my-"

I looked at the young boy in front me, as I can see his face more clearly now, my oh my, my young heart! Who is this dashing young little boy with the most amazing blue eyes? Is he my prince? He could be! He looked like someone I would marry someday!

"Come on now love, introduce yourself." His mother instructed.

"Salut, je m'appelle Joseph. Enchantée de te rencontrer." His french is good, I'm impressed. Joseph extended his hand which I accepted with a smile.

"Nice to meet you too! I'm Mary." I swayed our hands, he took his hand back.

"Is this yours?" He's looking at the tree house. My tree house. My father built it for me.

"Yes." I tucked my hair with pride. "Would you like to see it?" My tree house is like my own palace. It has a lot of beautiful things inside.

"Mummy would love that!" He crossed his arms.

"Guess I'll leave you two?"

We climbed the tree house, I was so excited that I have a new friend. He seemed nice. He's the completion of my palace, my kingdom. He'll be my prince, I've decided. Or my king!

"Okay, I'll bring you some snacks. Is anyone even listening?" His mother came back to their house.

"You have such beautiful long hair." My heart started to beat fast. Why did he notice my hair? "Do you like my hair? My friend Vera doesn't like it, well, she's not anymore after what she did."

"You have beautiful hair-" He moved closer to me, I turned to the mirror. He was behind me, admiring my hair. "Is this your natural color?" I nodded as I smile shyly at him. My cheeks felt a bit warm, I wonder why. Then he brushed his fingers through my long hair. "I've always wanted to grow mine but mum doesn't want to! Can I try to braid it?"

"Hmm okay." Does he even know how to braid? "You recently moved here but where are you really from?"

"My mummy's from here, my dad's from England."

"Are you here for vacation?" I hope not!

"I hope so!"

Hope so? Doesn't he want to stay here? "What do you mean?"

"Dad opened his clinic around town, I think we'll be here for a long time."

"You don't like it here, do you?" He's almost finishing the braid which is not so bad. I might love this look on me. It fits a princess, a queen.

"I-I-uh okay I don't. My friends are all in London, why do we have to move? I have no one here."

"You can have me as your friend!" I offered.

He moved around the tree house. "You've got a lot of treasures here." Some books, some dolls, stuffed toys, then his eyes caught something. "What happened to this? Who did this horrible thing?"

It's Isabelle's dress. My doll's dress. I took Isabelle with me to Grasse, I was playing with my friend Vera. She wanted Isabelle's dress but I didn't want to give it to her so instead of just returning it to me, she tore it! That ended our friendship! "A friend of mine did that. Vera."

"This girl Vera, doesn't seem to like you."

"Yeah she doesn't!"

"Do you have a sewing kit here?"

I shook my head, but I know someone who does. "Let me check!" I went to our house to find my mother's sewing box, I found it near her dresser.

Back at the tree house, I gave it to Joseph. "Can you really fix her dress?" He was silent so I kept quiet. His eyes were carefully examining the dress. Who even taught him to sew? Once finished sewing, he asked me to get Isabelle then she wore it on her. "Wow! This is wow! How did you do that?" I was about to get Isabella from him but he hid it behind his back. "What? Why are you-"

"I want full access to this tree house."

Full access to what? "What?"

"Before I can give you back Isabella, promise me first. Pinky swear promise till death do us part promise!"

What? He doesn't actually have to blackmail me! I would let him use my tree house for free! "What promise?"

"I really like your tree house." His accent is really music to my ears. I grinned at this young boy, now swarming up even more. "It's beautiful up here, come here." He sticks out his hand down to me, like a queen that I am, I think, I accepted his hand.

Admiration filled his eyes, as it roamed around the whole town. It's not a big town, in fact, everyone knows everyone here. We have a small population here, every kid goes to the same school. I'm looking forward to studying, I'm sure Joseph will be there too. I know it's too early to dream, but my eyes draw me there. At the town's church. The bell rings, I smile at the thought that maybe one day it'll ring for my wedding with Joseph.

"It's really beautiful. I haven't seen anything like this, maybe there's more to this town." I agree, on top of this tree house, you can find a mesmerizing view. It's not just a town. It' something you can call home. You will consider it your home someday.

Still looking at the horizon in front of us, he asked. "So?"

So? "What?"

"I want full access to this tree house, if you allow me to, then I'll give Isabella back."

Really. He doesn't have to blackmail me. I don't know but I feel something different about this young boy beside me. As if he would mean something to me someday, not just some kind of adoration. "Fine! In one condition-"

"Do tell-"

"At this tree house, which is mine, you have to address me my queen."

"What?"

"Well, only here in the tree house that's-um what you will call me. I'm the queen here!"

"You got yourself a deal!"

He handed me back Isabella. I slowly glanced at him again. His eyes were fixated on the sky, not knowing that I didn't just grant him full access to my tree house but also a full access to my heart.

Years later...

Joseph placed a stationery set in front of me. What should I do with this? I was doing my homework when he entered my room. "What is this for?"

"Help me write a poem to someone."

At this time? Wait. To someone? Does this mean he likes someone? I have to clear this out. Is it for a project? No, we don't have an assignment or a project where we have to write a poem. Maybe it's for a group club? Did he join a new club in school? Or maybe he wants to go for a poem reading, I heard there are newly opened shops where people will listen to your poems or something like that, but aren't we too young for that? Are we even allowed to go there? "What is this for?"

"I told you, weren't you listening?"

No, I wasn't. "I'm not following." I continued with my homework. Did he even finish his homework?

"It's for someone. Do you know Mike Morton from drama club in school?"

Mike? As in Mike?! Of course, I know that guy! We're in the same drama club in school! He's always at the musical play every year. I auditioned last year, but I didn't get any part. He always get a part! I hope this year I would finally land a role! "Yeah what about him?"

"I heard Mike likes poetry so-"

Mike? Why are we still talking about Mike? Am I missing something? "Why would you want to write a poem for that boy?" I don't even find that guy attractive. Fine! He's cute!

"What?"

Maybe he's too inspire from Mike's acting last year? Well, he did justice to the role. And he's a good singer. Yes, that's it! What else would it be?

"I actually like him."

Like? What? I'm confused. "As an actor?"

"Mary, I like him. As in, I like him." He emphasized the like word.

Does he mean what I think I meant? He likes him? In a different way? Like in a romantic way? Is that possible? Is he? I can't say it. No, he can't be!

"You didn't know?"

Know what? What is he telling me?

"I didn't tell you, because I thought you already knew. We've been together since we were little kids-"

"What? What should I know?"

"Mary, I'm gay."

Gay? My Joseph is gay? I feel like somebody just spilled cold water on me as he said it! "Are you sure, Joe? Is this a joke?" My dreams vanished in thin air.

"One hundred percent! I thought you should know it by now!"

I thought he was just a feminine type of guy. How come it never came to my mind? How he loves everything I love. How come I never realized that? Because you were busy creating some fantasy in your head that's why! "Maybe you're just confused?"

"No, I'm not confused. I like guys."

"Maybe you're confused with your gender. You can't figure it out yet you are-um-in-some-uh kind of like a crisis? You can both like guys and girls right?"

"I haven't like girls that way. I'm sorry I didn't-"

"You don't have to be sorry, come on Joe." I don't know how to feel. I have a crush on Joe, somehow it's big news to me. I mean, finding out that the one you like is gay! It changes everything! Not to him, but at least for me. I forced a smile. "So, let's start that poem!"

Mike Morton was Joseph's first boyfriend, I was there to witness how their relationship bloom, grow and fade all in secrecy. Only I was the one who knew about them. Only I was the one who helped them to meet and to date. I was their front. And I was there when Mike broke my bestfriend's heart. He knew that he will just stay for one school year and he will come back to America, but he never told us that. He just confessed on the day of his trip! Would you believe that boy?! I gave him a hard slap, I hope he never comes back!

"I just can't believe that he would leave, why didn't he tell me?"

I wish I know Joe. I embraced him tightly. "Joe, you'll be fine without him!" I am here, if only you will look my way. I took out my handkerchief to wipe the tears from his amazing blue eyes.

That wasn't his last heartbreak though, when another school year started he met this new student. The varsity player. William Ellis! The hot guy Will, as they call him. At first, I thought he was into me. He befriended me for a moment then after a series of group study meetings he showed his true intentions. He walked with me after one group study.

"What do you want?" I am not really disappointed. I don't even like William. He's not my type!

"If you could help me with your friend?"

I only have one friend, so it only means one thing. "I don't know. He just got his heart broken-"

"I saw his art gallery, it's beautiful I'm impressed by his work-"

His art gallery? "You should tell that to him yourself-"

"Mary, as you know. Nobody knows this about me, that I like men."

Is that so? I stopped walking. Why am I always in the middle of this? "That is your problem, so I can I go? I have my own problems too you know."

"Well, at least can you ask him if he's interested? To talk? To get to know? I have to know if I have a chance."

Chance? I also need that chance! I continued walking, but that night I wasn't able to sleep. Why do I have to worry about some other people's problems? But William, what he said earlier, what if he has good intentions on my bestfriend? What if Joseph moves on because of William? I should find his happiness, right? What if they get their happy endings because of me? I called Joseph.

"Listen, I know you've been sad lately. I shouldn't tell you what to do, but I know someone who's interested to know you. Joe, are you listening?"

"Go on."

"You remember William Ell-"

"William Ellis?! The varsity?!"

"Y-yeah?" So, he knows him? Of course, he knows him! He's popular in school!

"What about him?"

"He likes you."

"He told you that?"

"Yeah and he appreciates your work. I told you! Your art is beautiful so you should paint more!" I heard his laugh on the other side of the line. How I love that laugh. It's been awhile since I heard that genuine laugh. Maybe this is what he needed right now. I wiped the tears from my eyes. Why do I feel this way?

Again, I'm in the middle of it all. The bridge, the helper, the concealer or whatever you want to call it! As I strive to make Joseph happy, no one realized that I killed my own happiness to keep his. That each time he's happy with a boy, it's a slice through my heart. I am the one to blame, no one else. I also blame myself when their relationship ended. I introduced them to each other, I was the one who let them be together!

"No, Mary. It wasn't your fault!"

"I feel like, I'm part of it. I shouldn't-" then he pulled me to his arms, I stayed near his chest for sometime. The nearness of him, I feel so safe like this. I want to bury myself here.

"None of this is your fault, don't blame yourself!"

How many times did I dream of this? How many times did I picture us like this? He sniffed my hair. "You smell really nice, what's that new scent on you?"

"My mom got this perfume from the capital." I just sneaked a spritz from mother this morning. She would get mad if she knew, it's an expensive perfume afterall.

"I have a promise to make."

"Okay?"

"On our last year in highschool, you know what starting right now until our last year in highschool, there would be no men for the meantime."

"Promise?"

He nodded.

He broke that promise. During the Christmas break the following year, he got into another relationship, his name is Norton Campbell. I knew he was trouble when he walked in the church one Sunday morning. I can feel that vibe. When he looked my way, with that face? He told us he was there for the break, his grandmother lives on the same street.

Norton was Joseph's biggest mistake! He was trouble! I told him to not just follow what his heart was telling him or what he feels at the moment but Joe never listened to me! I knew that Norton would just break his heart!

Someone threw small rocks on my window two nights after Christmas. It must be Joe! What does he want in the middle of the night? Definitely not what I'm thinking. Oh, gosh what am I thinking anyway? The heavens would be mad! I quietly raised the window, I'm afraid to wake my father. Mother would be fine, but father? No! "What do you want?" I asked in whisper. I realized he was crying. Love problems! For sure! What else? "My parents are sleeping-"

"Mary?" His tone begged, I couldn't resist him. Can I?

His eyes were sparkling with tears. I motioned him to get uo. "Can you climb the window?" I pointed the tree house. "Go there then jump to the porch. I'll meet you there."

He did what I told him to. He was already at the railing when I opened the door. I assisted him to climb that toprail. I carried some of his weight, as he was about to land on his feet we both fell on the floor. He was on top of me, that was awkward for me. His tears fell on my cheeks, I quickly pushed him to the side.

"Norton-"

"Shhh! You'll wake my parents, follow me." I whispered. When we're in my room I allowed him to speak. "So? What about him?"

"He broke up with me!"

I knew it! "What did I tell you?"

"Why do they keep breaking my heart?"

"Joe-"

"What's wrong with me?"

"Nothing's wrong with you, they don't deserve you." I searched for his face in the dark. "No more crying, okay?"

"I gave him everything, Mary."

"You always do. You heart-"

"This time it's different, Mary. I gave him my first. I have sinned for nothing."

His first? Does he mean it? "Your first? What do you mean?"

"You know what I mean."

"Your first kiss?" No, he told me he already had his first kiss with William. This must be something else!

"I gave it to him."

Gave what? Himself? "B-but we're still young!"

"I gave him my love, my heart, my body, all of me." He started sobbing.

Why do I suddenly felt it too? Like I was the one who's more broken? Like my body was being torn apart. As if I'm the one who was dumped?

"I never should've trusted him!"

Have you ever felt dying? That's what I feel right now. As imagine Joseph being intimate with someone, sorrow filled me. Why can't it be me? Why can't I be the one he loves?

"You know what, stay for the night." I asked him to sleep beside me. "It's okay, my mom knows you're gay."

"I thought he loves me, Mary. Why did I give him everything?"

Stop! I want him to stop! I don't want to hear it! Please stop! Why does it hurt so much? It's just becoming clearer to me now. Joseph will never feel the same way for me. The two of us? It's impossible! And that realization hit me! Hard! He can never love me!

"When it comes to love, we are all stupid." I am stupid! For loving someone, who will never love me back or not even look my way. He rested his head on my chest, I calmed him down.

After graduating from highschool we moved to the capital. Joseph enrolled in medical school as requested by his father while I enrolled in a prestigious performance art school. We stayed at the same apartment. Our first year in college was great, I thought it'll just be Joseph and me, but I was wrong. Our happiness, or should I say my happiness didn't last long. Our time together was only ephemeral.

Our cooking classes, day to day series binge watching, thursday yogas, morning runs, saturday movie marathon, church and spa sundays and all our other daily schedule changed when Joseph met Aesop. First, he dropped out of med school to pursue his love for photography. Second, he came out to his parents. They didn't accept him, even cut off his allowances.

"Why are they doing this to me?"

"Joe, try to see it in their eyes."

"You mean my father's eyes? He doesn't really care about me. He just wants me to be like him! Well, I never wanted to be a doctor!"

"They have big dreams for you, and the timing isn't perfect you know. You shouldn't have revealed it like that. Not all at once. They're just surprised right now."

"Why can't I just be me? Why can't I just be with the one I love?"

"Do you really love Aesop? Like, love love love? True love level?"

"Would I give up everything just to be with him if I don't love him like that?"

I held his hands. "Look at me in the eye, tell me with all honesty."

"I am inlove with Aesop, and I can see myself spending the rest of my life with him." His amazing blue eyes met mine. I can see the love shining in his eyes. His love for Aesop. "I'll try to talk to them." Not to brag but his parents love me. Maybe because all those years that I've been in our town, I have this good reputation. His mom would always praise me for being a good girl. And they always wanted a daughter so they kinda have a soft spot for me.

"You would?"

"Yeah, you're my bestfriend! I want you to be happy." But why am I tearing up?

Months later, Aesop proposed to Joseph. I thought it was all sudden, but what can we do when they love each other so much?

"So, did you pick a date?"

"We were thinking maybe June?"

"June next year? Good! You'll have plenty of time to prepare all the-"

"This year."

"This year? June this year? That's in three months!" How can they prepare for three months? "That's not enough-"

"We just want a sacred wedding. Not much guests, just family. There's nothing much really to prepare."

Their wedding! It's really happening! I blinked many times, am I dreaming?

"Did you ask her?" It was Aesop.

"Ask me what?" Now, what do they want?

"Mary, will you be my groomsmaid?" Joseph asked as if proposing to me. I wish you would ask me something else. What will happen to my dreams? My dream of you and I?

"Of course! I'd be happy to!" That's all I'll ever be. I'm just that friend in the corner, loving from a distance. Just praying for someone else's happiness.

"I have the perfect venue-" Aesop showed him the magazine. I should be happy because he will have his happy ending. His one true love.

"Oh, that's beautiful!" Joseph clapped his hand.

"Do you like it?" Aesop wrapped his arm around his waist.

"Yes, I like everything you like."

Is it becoming warm here? Or is it just me? My eyes felt hot. And my throat was dry. I was good friend right? Am I hard to love?

"More than this, I like you more-" Aesop leaned in for a kiss in front of me. Joseph met his kiss. How I wish I was Aesop right now.

Okay, I've got to go! I better leave this two. I immediately walked to my room, but before I could fully close the door I looked at Joseph one more time. They were so inlove. The way they kissed each other. The way he looks into his eyes, he will never look at me like that. Not in this lifetime! Why can't I just accept that? Why can't I just forget about Joe? I completely closed the door, breaking down on my knees. I can still hear them from the door.

"Not here-" yes please not there in the living room! Don't mess my couch! That's our spot! I would always lay my head on Joseph's lap on that couch! That's the memory that I want to remember, not some other things!

"Why not?" Aesop asked.

"What if Mary walks out-"

"She won't mind-" Of course I would! Don't do it there!

"To my room-" Joseph begs. Finally, he agreed.

Joseph's room is not that far, no matter how hard they try to suppress their noises. I would still hear them. It breaks my heart. Why don't you just kill me now? I reached for my headset, maybe some music is what I need. Even as I listened to my favorite songs, I can't help but think of what's happening on the other room. In his room. I pictured Joseph and Aesop together, doing what lovers do. I wonder how he makes him happy. I wonder what makes him happy. Is it his touch? Is it his kiss? Or however he makes love to him? I don't know. Tears roll down my cheeks. How many times do I have to cry?

When I finished listening to my playlist, I slowly went out of my room. I found Joseph in the kitchen. His cheeks were red and annoyingly handsome!

"I'm starting to move out next week."

Next week? "What?!" That fast? "But your wedd-"

"We already found a house-"

They already have a house? Why didn't he tell me? "You're leaving me?" I don't know why but it sounded dramatic than I intended to be. Tears fall down my cheeks, I couldn't stop them this time.

"Hey-"

"I just I just I-I will miss you." I wanted to be mad but do I have the right to be? Why does it feel like I'm going to lose myself?

"I'm not leaving like that. I would still be here for you, not here but when you need me-"

That's different!

"I can help you find a new housemate if you need someone to help with the rent-"

"It's not about the rent!" It's never about the rent! I just want you to be with me. "You're my bestfriend. I just don't know how to live without you!" There's no Mary without Joseph!

"I'll miss you too, Mary! This is not easy for me, but I'm getting married. Sooner or later, you know I have to leave."

I nodded my head. He's right! What am I thinking? I should've prepared myself for this. Nothing lasts forever. We cannot keep everyone at our hand's reach. I can't keep him beside me forever. Not when he found whom his soul loves. I can't breathe at the thought. "Yeah but who's going to watch Mean Girls with me?" I wiped my tears.

"I will still visit you here, I promise!"

"Promise?"

"Yes, my twin sister-"

"I'm not your twin-"

"My bestfriend, my queen?"

That promise was forgotten. Joseph would visit me once a week before the wedding, but after the wedding? He disappeared along with his other promises. From time to time, we would message each other. Talk about our lives but our distance kept us apart. As if aside from the distance, there were invisible walls somewhere. I don't know, maybe it was on my part. It was painful talking to him, hiding what I feel about him. How his happiness kills me, how I want to be his happiness. But that's impossible!

After a year, I learned from some people that he pursued his career in photography and has his own art gallery. He must be selling some of his artwork. Sometime I would go to his gallery just to check his paintings and photographs. I would buy some if I have the budget, I still want to save money you know. In total, I bought three paintings. I love the tree house, our town in Southwest France and a portrait of us from when we were younger. I always go to his art gallery in disguise, luckily I wasn't able to see him. I just don't want to cross paths with him, not when he didn't even go to my own musical play. I waited for him. Like a fool.

"What-who are you looking for?"

"Joseph said he would be here-"

"He told you that yesterday." Michiko reminded me.

"Today's performance is the last. He would be here, for sure, he promised me."

After the play, he never arrived. "What if something bad happened?"

"Let's get you home-"

"I'll wait here."

"We will drop you home." Michiko instructed her husband, Fan Wu Jiu to get the car. "Mary, he's not coming."

Then my phone rings, it's from Joe. "Joe? Are you okay? Yeah, yeah it's okay. I understand. What? Is he okay? Don't worry about it. Take care of him. Yeah, bye-"

"Shall we take you home?"

Where is home anyway? How can I get over you Joe? When I got back to the apartment, I removed his paintings in teh living room. I put them to the library, then covered them with blankets.

Why do I love you so much? How can this pain go away? How can I forget you Joe?

Another season began, a different musical started. I got a good role again, my dream role. We already started practicing a week ago.

"Mary?"

"Yes Michiko?"

"Do you want to have dinner with us? The group?" She meant have dinner with the other casts.

"No, I'm I'm tired today I-" I just can't.

"Okay, I'll see you tomorrow?"

The sun was setting when I walked back to the apartment. The apartment where Joseph and I used to live together. Where he left me. How is he now? Is he still with Aesop? Are they living the time of their lives?

When I got to the apartment, I chose to have a long bath when I heard some movement from outside my room! Oh gosh! Did I leave the door unlocked? Or did someone bust my apartment? Am I gonna be robbed? Or worse? No, I don't want to die yet! What should I do? Calm down! Relax! Think! Fight or flight?

I look around me. I need something to defend myself! I swiftly wore my robe then grab the bathroom spray. Then the door knob twists! I aimed the spray on the intruder's face. "Help!"

"Ouch-"

That voice! Joseph?

End of Flashback...

I traced his face in our portrait, we looked so young in this painting of us.

From the moment I met Joseph, I remember it all. My heart remembers it all. Everything about Joseph. I don't know if he remembers everything the way I do. And even if he does, it's not that it matters to him anyway. Will I ever matter to him? Maybe I should move on.

I poured some drink on my glass, drank from it then decided to just drink the whole bottle. My vision becomes blurry, then I think I saw Joseph's face before I blacked out. Then again, maybe it's just the alcohol. Or maybe a dream.