Chapter Eight

Stage lights do not blind me as applauses do not deafen me, only this beating heart does these things to me. Who causes these things to my heart, you might ask? Who else would it be? The only person unaware of my feelings for him, the only man I granted full access to my heart, and the only man I ever loved.

Out of the thousands of people in this theater, I can easily find the face of the man that I will always choose to love. I can always spot him anywhere. His side view, back view, in all angles, as if my mind or my heart keeps a record of him.

After our performance, Michiko and I headed to the entrance hall where our friends were waiting.

A tall guy approached us on our way, he was carrying a bouquet of flowers, he must be Antonio. Fan Wu Jiu, Michiko's husband was behind him.

"I finally met you again."

Again? Michiko introduced us to each other, I accepted his handshake and the flowers. When was the last time I received a bouquet of flowers from a man? I cannot remember. Oh, wait. That's right! I haven't!

"Thanks for the flowers! They're beautiful!" They smelled good, how sweet of him!

Fan Wu Jiu puts his arm around Michiko's waist. "Shall we eat or something else?" Michiko giggled then smiled at me, looking so happy at her matchmaking service.

"You must be famished? Would you like to have dinner with me?" Antonio offered.

Isn't that Michiko's plan all along anyway?From a distance, my eyes found Joseph and Jack. I agreed to the dinner. "Hmm wait let me just-"

Joe was saying something to Jack when I came close, I don't know what they were talking about but it's related to some programs where Jack was working.

"Joe?" He paused, turns around to face me. His eyes fell on the flowers on my hands. "I'm glad you came! You too Jack!" I lied about being glad to see his date.

"Let's eat!" My heart skipped a beat when he held my left hand. "Jack and I found this restau-"

"I-" I stared at his amazing blue eyes, spellbounded once more. What was I supposed to say again? I wish I could stay in his eyes. Stay or got lost in them. Either way! Whatever! "I would love to but-"

Antonio spoke behind me, I didn't realize that he followed me. "Shall we go?" I remembered I have a dinner date.

I saw Joseph catch his breath for a moment as he lets go of my hand.

"Y-yeah umm Joseph, Jack, this is Antonio. My date?" Without looking away from Joe, I introduced them to each other. "Antonio, this is Jack and Joseph, my-" My dream, my heart pointed out. "My bestfriend." And the only man I will ever love.

Antonio extended his hand as a sign of courtesy, Joe didn't accept his hand. What's up with him? Isn't that rude? Jack reached for his hand instead.

"Mary, your performance was superb!" Jack commented. "Anyway, I think we have to go. Right? Bye?" Is he asking me or what? What's with those two? They continued talking while walking out from the theater hall, hand in hand. Whatever they were talking about, was it so important? Those two figures walking hand in hand away from me, it breaks my heart. It felt like someone just sliced, took a pinch, and smashed my heart. I clenched my fist. I was hoping that he would stop me from seeing someone. Why would he anyway? It's not that Joseph has feelings for me. That will never happen!

"Shall we go?" Antonio repeated his question.

I walked behind him, not really looking at where we're heading. The bouquet fell from my grip. I didn't know where I lost it. Or when I lost it.

He opens the car door for me, we were both at the backseat. I heard him spoke to the driver in french. "You can speak french? How did you learn?"

"I travel a lot so that's why."

He must know a lot of languages. I looked out the window, counting the lamp posts we passed by. I knew I was moving far from the apartment. I was moving far from Joseph.

"Well, honestly-" He continued trying to get my attention. "Years ago, in one of my father's tours, I was at this campus, I think they were having an audition at that time?" Is he asking me? How would I know? "I was practicing my own performance for my father's tour when I heard this amazing voice. My feet led me to the theater where I saw the most beautiful girl I've ever seen. And when she sang, she sang like an angel. I introduced myself to her when she stepped out of the stage, we shook hands but someone called her phone so she walked away. I didn't get her name. I asked some people there but they were speaking in french so how would I know this girl's name? I told myself, one day I will find her and maybe she could sing one of my pieces, but how would she sing my piece right? I learned her native language so that when she sings my piece she would completely understand it."

Isn't that romantic? Yes, for a movie. That would sell! "Did you find her?" He just stared at me, flashing his perfect hollywood smile. Men. Showing oft whatever they are blessed with since they were born. No response. "So? Were you able to find this girl?"

"Yes." Well, at least he found what he was looking for. Good for him.

"Have you told him?"

Have I told whom what? "What?"

"Your bestfriend?" He meant Joseph?

Why? "What about him?"

"You're inlove with him." He blurted out as if it's a normal topic on a first date. As if he knows everything!

My eyes widened in surprise. "What? That's ah what?" How did he know? What else did Michiko tell him? No, she wouldn't do that to me. "I'm not inlove-" I denied, hoping I'm a good liar.

"Of course you are, I can tell." We just first met today and he already knows that about me! This man is something! "It's not that hard to read, you know. I'm just confused at why he doesn't know?"

In truth, I don't know too. "Since it's out in the open, tell me, why do you want to date me?"

"Do you believe in fate?"

"What about fate?"

"When I saw you at that theater, singing for the audition-"

Me? "Me?"

"Yeah, it was you. The girl I was telling about?"

It was me? I never met him before! Or maybe I just forgot about him, because my heart and my mind keeps only the information they want to!

"I felt that someday you will mean something to me. Maybe an inspiration for my pieces? For the past few years, you've been that for me. An inspiration. I've seen some of your musicals before but I never really got to introduce myself again. Until now, when Fan Wu Jiu showed your picture to me, I was surprised how our world became smaller. I thought maybe fate is bringing us closer? Imagine our friends are even married to each other!" He was referring to Michiko and Fan Wu Jiu. "What a coincidence right? And you, why did you want to date me?

What? I actually didn't want to, this was Michiko's idea. "It was Michiko's idea."

I saw a hint of disappointment in his eyes for a second, but it was gone in an instant. "I'll take that. Maybe I'm here for a reason, and whatever that reason is, I'll take it. I just want to get to know you. Or be your friend?"

I nodded.

After our dinner, I asked him to bring me home. He didn't insist on going somewhere else. I think he was a good man. A perfect gentleman.

"Thanks for tonight!"

In the apartment, I found Joseph looking for something in the fridge.

"You're back early?" I can sense the surprise in his face.

Well, I'm surprised too. "I'm just tired."

"You, you were wonderful tonight Mary. Your performance-"

Jack emerged from his room. "What's taking you so long? How much longer?"

So, he's here? I slightly pushed him aside, there must be some drink here. "I'll have this." I took the whole bottle and a glass from the counter.

"Mary I-"

"Just go, your lover is waiting for you." My feet brought me to the library, together with my costumes there and some stuff from my childhood, our childhood. And forward to present time, like I said, I have a habit of drinking now. What happened to me?

Joseph and Jack were just on the other side of this library. We all know what they were doing.

I have three paintings in front me, I don't really know what to do with them. Should I hang them back? Or should I just keep it hidden here?

I traced his face in our portrait, we looked so young in this painting of us.

I poured some drink on my glass, drank from it then decided to just drink the whole bottle. My vision becomes blurry, then I think I saw Joseph's face before I blacked out. Then again, maybe it's just the alcohol. Or maybe a dream.

I opened the sliding door, letting the fresh wind get inside the library. The curtains sway with it, the moonlight slightly gives off a sleepy environment.

"Joseph? Is that really you?"

In dreams, in person, he looked all the same. He's always beautiful. We should all strive to be like Joseph, how does he maintain such perfection?

"Will you try to love me?" I can't read his expression from this darkness that surrounds me.

"I-I don't know-"

Why does this dream appeared so true? "You're a dream, like always-"

"You're not dreaming, Mary."

Of course I am! I laughed at myself. "This is a dream!" Or just one of my hallucinations!

"I am confused, Mary."

What? Why is he confused? What's confusing him? "You don't have to be confused, Joe. This is just a dream." His slender fingers brushed the strands of hair away from my face. "And in dreams, we just do what we want. Whatever we can't when we're awake."

I placed my hands behind his neck, guiding him for a slow dance. I closed my eyes, relishing this moment.

When I opened my eyes he was still in my dream, but this dream was the closest to reality for it felt so true!

His head bent a little, our lips touched. I thought I will explode into pieces. I felt every touch of his hands burned on my skin. Each kiss was the sweetest I've ever tasted. Our breathing raced one another as our naked bodies intertwined. His husky voice in my ear sends me to another dimension. Everything about this seemed so real! Even the pain. A pain I've never felt before like it was ripping my body into two parts. Why does it hurt so bad when it's just a dream?

I was awakened by the cold morning air sweeping through the sliding door, what a dream I just had! Wait why was the door open? The door from the porch was open! And where am I? I looked around me. I'm at the library. What am I doing here? I carried myself up, I realized I was not wearing anything under the covers!

What happened? My head felt spinning. What did I do? My whole body ached when I tried to get up. Did I just? No, I couldn't. I covered my face, controlling myself not to cry. I noticed a paper taped on the painting, it wasn't there before, I'm sure. I carefully walked to get it. It just said, I'm sorry. From J.

So, that's it? Did I really lose it? This way? What happened to me? Tears fell continuously on my cheeks. What else do I have for myself? I already gave him everything! And all he can say was sorry? Sorry for what? Sorry it happened? What exactly even happened? How come I cannot remember?