'All life is precious. Yes, this is an idea you have likely hear since you were a child but life itself is precious. No, because there is a higher purpose or intelligent design or god. We can be the greatest cosmic joke and I would still say the same. Life is precious because it is. I have taken many lives, and each is a greater burden to bear as I age. From the boys swayed by rousing speeches to the jaded old men struggling to keep their children fed, each life matters. Each life has value. That value is priceless.'
—Excerpt from 'My Eclipse' by Hawkmoon.
Time waits for no one. This fact, Izuku was most certainly aware of. It didn't matter that he could spend more time in the deep darkness and gain a few more hours than most. Inevitably, the days would pass and each cross on the calendar brought him closer to the final day. The day of the exam.
He stares at his reflection and sees tired eyes and a face devoid of baby fat. He sees a brilliant streak of white in his otherwise dark green hair and the outline of a scar on his shoulder. It is much worse on his back, but he is thankful that massive eye had healed him, and the wound didn't interrupt his training. The scar on his left forearm is pale and silvery against his skin, extra care to hide it from everyone in his life.
Today is his last session with Jin Mo-Ri before the exam. He finds the man crouched on a pole driven deep in the ground, seemingly asleep in that impossible position. The man opens his star-like eyes and jumps down, landing easily.
Izuku waves. "Hi," he says and rolls his shoulders, wondering exactly what his teacher will make him go through today.
"Today we spar," Jin says. "And we see your true skill level."
Izuku sighs and removes his jacket, throwing it the wayside. Jin gives him time to stretch and warm up, even pointing out where Izuku could put more effort in.
When he is ready, he falls into a basic front stance, left foot forward and one shoulder-width apart from his right foot and arms held at the ready. It's a simple, solid stance that has been beaten into him. When Jin moves, it isn't anywhere near as fast as he's seen the man move, but it is still nearly too much for Izuku.
He bats aside the first punch, kicks low and forward in retaliation. Jin jumps over the strike easily even as Izuku crouches and rolls with the momentum of his kick. He springs forward just before Jin lands.
And nearly takes an axe kick to his back for his troubles.
He blocks it, both arms raised in a guard even if it feels like his bones are creaking from the strength of the kick. Somehow, he feels Jin bring even more force down with his kick, and only when he sees his other knee rising does Izuku realises the man just used his block as a pivot point.
He takes the knee to the side and hits the sand hard.
His side hurts but Izuku forces himself up just quick enough to dodge the quick punch to his face. He pirouettes around his master's outstretched hand and uses that momentum to slam a knee straight in his master's unprotected side.
It pushes the man back, and Izuku twists and crouches like a flash, then follows through immediately with a rising back kick. He feels it strike home, but sees his teacher has caught the strike in his intertwined fingers. He almost seems to swing forward using Izuku's extended foot as a handhold and kicks Izuku in the chest. He flies back, skimming the sand but forces himself to flip and land in a three-point crouch.
He barely has his guard up when his teacher comes at him with a fast punch. He raises his left arm to block it. Feels the way it pushes him back and all the force transmitted through his arm.
Oh, he thinks and instead of trying to take all the force or even stepping back, Izuku lets his body twist and flicks his elbow out against his teacher's upper arm. All the force of the original blow seems to be transmitted to Jin's arm, knocking it up and leaving the man defenceless.
He's seen his teacher perform that same elbow strike before. He's had to practice it a dozen times, but it never seems to compare to Jin's. But this Is the first time he feels calling it Arang, the hungry wolf, and not a simple elbow strike is appropriate.
Instinct guides his next strike. His left leg pivots on the spot and his right leg lashes out. He outstretches his right arm at the same time for balance and follows through with the strike that seems to move exponentially faster. The balls of his feet meet Jin's face and the man rises in the air. Hwechook, he whispers in his mind.
And then his leg stops.
Izuku's eyes widen as the man has his hand protecting his face, balancing perfectly on Izuku's outstretched leg. He hadn't even seen Jin move.
Jin grins and seems to disappear. Izuku feels a hand on his shoulder and the next thing he knows he's upright.
"Good job," his teacher says and Izuku realises this is the first time he's seen his teacher smile. "You learn important lesson. Not using this so much." He pokes Izuku in the head.
He frowns. "I thought I was supposed to think."
"Not if you forget instincts." He ruffles his hair. "There is balance. Thought and reaction two halves of same whole. Let your body move instead of thinking too long and wasting force to perform both Arang and Hwechook."
Izuku tilts his head, confused. "Haven't I been doing them before?"
Jin shakes his head. "Roundhouse kick, yes, Hwechook no. Elbow strike yes, Arang no. There is difference in execution. Nuance in intent. Your body understands a bit even if your brain is too stupid."
"Okay…" he says uncertainly, stepping back a bit.
Jin ruffles his hair and it's the most affectionate gesture he's ever received from the man. He steps back, putting some distance between them. "The secrets of Renewal Taekwondo will reveal themselves to you. Practice. For now, I show you the secret of Hwechook."
Something about his teacher changes. He's seen the man serious in teaching him and even seen his wrath when All Might overexerted him and left him with a pulled muscle. His posture hasn't shifted, and his smile is still as bright as ever.
And yet, something terrifying takes over the man. It is the simple knowledge that no matter what Izuku does, he can not win against him.
Run! Run! Run! The voice in his head screams and Izuku is inclined to agree, but he is rooted to the spot.
"This will not hurt," his teacher says, the only reassurance Izuku has.
And then he's right in front of Izuku, his leg raised in the Hwechook and barely an inch from Izuku's face. He feels the displaced air from the blow.
The world shifts. He feels like time itself has stopped as another Jin Mo-Ri has appeared on his side, leg raised in the Hwechook as well. Izuku flinches back from the double vision. And then senses a third Jin behind him, leg raised in the Hwechook.
The force of the displaced wind hits him all at the same time and in opposing directions. It leaves him stunned and unable to do anything but collapse in shock. Strong arms catch him and Izuku looks to his teacher, unable to form words.
"That is third stance Hwechook," he says softly. "Do you understand what I did?"
Izuku shakes his head. "Impossible. Y-y-you can't-you were there and that's not possible. No one can move that fast. There were three of you."
Izuku knows what impossible looks like. Impossible is the dead giving birth to new life. Impossible is a songthatwilldevourallthatlives. Impossible is an eye larger than the world. Impossible is a flame that will burn away the universe and start it anew.
And yet, this mortal man makes Izuku understand a new type of impossibility.
"Anything is possible to Renewal Taekwondo if only once," his teacher says firmly. "Do not let up your training. You might be able to win against high school bully now."
-TDB-
He messages Shinsou occasionally, but Izuku gets the sense that they're both as stressed as each other, just in different ways. So, he doesn't force himself to reply immediately when he's in the middle of a practice test at home or on a five-mile run early in the morning. It is odd having a friend again. The last one had been Kaachan—
A death for a death, the voice yells suddenly
—and that had been years ago. He rubs away the blood leaking from his nose with a napkin, making sure to catch the small squishy mass that accompanies it. Throwing it away, he wonders if it's a piece of his brain or just a bit of congealed blood. And decides it won't matter.
They meet up one last time at Anteiku café. Mika sits in his lap as he talks quickly to Shinsou, filling in the silences the other boy is content to bask in. He wonders often if Shinsou is here because he likes Izuku or because he's just as lonely. But sometimes, out of the corner of his eyes when Shinsou thinks he isn't looking, he sees the boy stop frowning—it is a tiny thing, hardly noticeable, but it makes Izuku think that he's still capable of doing good.
That moment of joy follows him as he delves deeper into the abyss, deeper than he's ever gone before. He walks across the unhallowed grave of a dead god, and when his concentration falters the massive corpse rises and he sees the final moments as it battled a dragon that breathed the godflame. He's nearly incinerated in this moment of the past made present, but the shadows rise and he escapes by diving another level deeper. He's seen what comes of dead gods fighting and the last time his mother found him on the floor bleeding from his eyes—and no words had been able to calm her, even when he stopped spouting a litany of the damned and could explain that he had no lasting damage.
He is captured by a group of what he calls Joro-Gumo, spider-like creatures with the head of a woman and oversized breasts, dripping putrid ichor instead of milk. They are absolutely disgusting and after the blood-spiders, Izuku has absolutely no sympathy for them, especially not after one cocoons him and nearly lays her eggs in his torso. He leaves her staked through the head and sets the nest on fire with a flare.
Anything even vaguely spider-like dies instantly the moment he senses them. He has no interest in playing games with such abominations.
He has a conversation with a primordial serpent, its head similar to a human's but not so similar he would ever mistake it for one. It, and a dozen others like it, watch over a world of darkness ruled by a shambling abomination of ashen embers and darkness. Izuku stays well away from that realm because he sees the ashen one fling lightning that shears off dragon scales, and though these are dragons of a different sort, he still respects their power.
The deeper he dives, the more time he has. He sleeps in relatively safe spots like the hollowed-out husk of a giant worm or on the back of a bird carrying a galaxy on each wing, each feather the history of a dead people. One day he reaches a depth so low that the song he always wants to forget is louder than his heartbeat. It makes him cough blood and he's about to turn back when he is surrounded by dragons.
Their wings are blacker than the darkest night and they tower over him. He fights with the shadows to keep them smaller than a skyscraper and not the planet-sized monstrosities they really are. He waves at them and wonders just how fucked he is.
/Shadowshield, you will go no further. The [SINGERS/ENDBRINGERS/CALAMITY] must not be disturbed/
The voice isn't anywhere as thunderous as he expects and maybe that's because of the song making everything else seem less important. The idea that dragons which are worlds unto themselves, and breathe the infernal godflame, find the things hiding further in the abyss terrifying gives him cause not to ever go back there.
"Yeah, I got no plans to do so," Izuku says and lets his earnestness be communicated through his shadow. "Wanna give me a ride home?"
/We are not toys, shadowking/ one of them roars and the world is torn asunder. Izuku wreathes himself in shadow, anchors the reality he wills against the world exploding in agony.
You fucked up, the voice whispers, almost afraid to draw the attention of these leviathans.
"I never said you were," Izuku counters once the world has been destroyed and all that is left is a barren moon. "I just asked politely. Let's make a deal. If you give me a ride home, then I'll let you kill me if I come anywhere near them."
And that is how Izuku finds himself flying cradled in the surprisingly human hands of a dragon. Realms and worlds pass with each beat of its massive wings. Izuku doesn't focus too much on the creatures lurking in the corners of space and the angles of time because those things might break his mind again. And he's rather tired of that. He smiles uncertainly as another dragon, this one smaller than the one carrying him takes a seat beside him.
But he's seen much, much worse than a baby dragon—baby only because it is as large as a building and not the universe of the one carrying them both—and pulls out a deck of cards from his pocket. The tricks he performs are simple and seem to entertain the hatchling for a moment that lasts an eternity before it flies away.
His life is madness incarnate. But there is a beauty to be found in odd places. There are flowers that shine with the first light of the universe, though the sight of them makes him build monuments in the night until his mother puts a stop to it and brings him back to the real. His eyes glow at night after that, almost like a cat. It isn't the only change. His teeth are slightly sharper, not enough for anyone but his mother to notice, but sharp enough for him to bite through his lips—and sometimes there are crystals that spill out—more often. And his stomach seems to be endless. He's thankful that though he can eat three or even four times as much, he does not need to.
It becomes easier to make shadow matter in the real world. It only takes him forty minutes to bring them forth until he has enough for a thin strand, but he can do it without spending too much concentration. He learns it is easier to let them pool in his shadow—and is thankful that they are as thinner than a Planck length unless he tells them otherwise—until he's ready to use them. It lets him make thicker constructs by bidding his time. They aren't very useful, and their low density means they either shatter on impact or fade away on contact with the light.
His mother listens politely as he explains all this. Then she asks if he isn't simply procrastinating and that makes him flush. He goes upstairs and does the maths homework he's been putting off for the last two days. When he starts seeing nightmares in the equations, he reaches into his shadow and pulls out a deck of cards. He plays a hand of blackjack against himself, so he can let the simplicity of card counting push back the encroaching nightmares.
He's tired one day, dead on his feet and almost too lazy to get to his bedroom. He flicks on the dim hallway light, and the contrast makes all the shadows long. All he wants, with every fibre of his being, is to pass out and never wake up again. He sinks and yelps, wide awake as his shadow drags him down. He lands in the twisted reflection of his room and stares at it.
"Are you being serious?" he asks, looking at the torn All Might poster. "I just had to fucking want to get here. You idiot."
Yes, you are, the voice snarls venomously.
"And you need to shut up," Izuku says and strides to his door, opening it. He walks out onto the hard floor. Looking around, he finds himself in the corner the stairs make with the second floor where the shadows are deepest. He's too tired to give it any more thought until the next morning.
He only manages to get back to the abyss under his own power—and not through death—once more before it's the morning of the exam.
They meet at the beach, All Might looking skinny in his baggy clothes eight sizes too big.
Izuku smiles shyly, waving. All Might smiles back, but it isn't anywhere near as large as usual.
"Morning, Young Midoriya," he says and sits in the sand.
He gestures for Izuku to do the same. It might be out of the norm but Izuku lowers himself, hoping that he won't find sand chaffing his ass later tonight. Leggings are useful in that regard, but they aren't infallible.
"You've progressed well," All Might says, making Izuku smile brighter. "You have a long way to go before you will be able to fully utilise One For All but I believe the sheer force of it will not break all of your limbs. But there are a few things that I must address."
Izuku frowns. Warily, he asks, "Like what?"
"Like the scar on your forearm." Izuku looks down and sees it still hidden. "At first I believed you wore the long-sleeved shirt because of the sand until I saw it one day. I wouldn't have pried if I could say with certainty that it had occurred before I met you. And whilst Jin Mo-Ri has said you are fine, he is not the one who might lose a successor."
Izuku stares at All Might whose eyes shine brightly. His heart seems to want to escape his chest. His hands are shaking, he notices distantly because this was never supposed to happen. All Might was never supposed to know about any of this.
"I ask that you be honest with me," his hero says, gently now.
He will not accept a monster, the voice in his head says and Izuku can't help but agree.
That makes him wonder just how long until he's locked in a lab deep underground and experimented on. There are nonsensical and ridiculous quirks which break every law of physics, yes, but none of them compares to resurrection. How long till they cut open his chest to see what makes him what he is: a monster only sometimes human. And if not some shady government organisation, then a villain somewhere with even fewer scruples.
His eyes water as his world comes crashing down in neither a bang nor a whimper. Just the sudden realisation that he will never become a hero. Can never become one.
"Izuku, my boy," his hero says kindly, "whatever it is, we can work through it."
He lies. There can be no hope for little, broken things.
"How can you say that?" he snaps, maybe at his hero and maybe at the voice because he isn't broken. "You don't know. How can you know? You can't just make this better with a few words. Nothing can."
All Might only smiles brighter. "Depression can be treated, my boy, and I have faith in you."
He pauses, staring at All Might in shock. Then he chuckles. "Is that what you think this is? I don't have depression."
"It isn't anything—"
"I don't have depression," he snarls and maybe this is a mistake but Izuku is so tired of lying and keeping secrets that he summons a tendril of shadow to his hand. "I have a Quirk."
All Might's eyes are wide in shock and maybe a hint of betrayal. "But how?"
Izuku chuckles bitterly. "Trauma brings out hidden quirks." He forms a thin rod with the shadow and taps it against the streak of white hair. "This."
All Might swallows, uncertain for the first time Izuku has known the man. "Then why didn't you tell me, my boy. I would not have cast you out for it."
Izuku wipes away tears even as new ones fall. "How do you tell anyone?" He's standing now, pacing off the nervous energy.
"Like you are now."
"So, you expected me to just tell you I don't die?" he asks, petulantly.
You fucking idiot.
That makes him realise what he's just said.
"Young Midoriya, forgive me but I may have misheard you."
Something tells Izuku that he didn't. He laughs once more. And then he pulls up his left sleeve. "I s-slit my wrist five months ago. I bled out, alone and terrified. Maybe I was mad but… maybe an ending would have been better. He looks up to the rising sun. It is dawn when the shadows are long, and his powers feel strongest. "And I did because a fridge fell on me and crushed me. Right there. I died right there."
He points at the spot and though the beach might be clear of trash he can never forget the place he died a second time. It hurts to see the horror in All Might's eyes but somehow, he feels better. Maybe telling the truth is liberating or maybe Izuku is simply a horrible person taking pleasure in pain.
"The first time it happened I… I-I cracked my skull on a pole. Yeah, that pole I told you about." He turns because it's getting harder to see his hero stare at him like that. "I've died a lot. More than anyone should."
"Young Midoriya, do you expect me to believe you come back from the dead?"
Izuku takes a deep, shuddering breath. He still has the shadow rod in his hand. With a simple thought, it sharpens. "See for yourself."
There are four large arteries in the neck, two in the front that he can easily reach, and with the sharpness of the blade, he might reach those in the back. Either way, the damage will be great enough that he'll bleed out quickly.
He thrusts with the needle and feels it prick his skin, sliding beneath the topmost layer of skin. And then it stops.
A large hand grips his wrist and Izuku sees All Might the hero, larger and grander than all the rest. He isn't smiling any longer.
"That was reckless," he says gravely.
Izuku sniffles. Half-blind from the tears. "Would you have believed me without proof? He asks shakily.
"Yes," his hero says and that makes Izuku stumble back. All Might lets him and he falls to the ground. "You are many things, Izuku, but a liar is not one of them. At least, you have never lied to me."
"I'm a monster," he whispers.
"Are you a monster for fearing rejection?" All Might asks simply. "Are you a monster because you want to be a hero? You hid the truth from me but there are many things I have yet to tell you. Perhaps I am at fault for never having given you a reason to trust me."
"N-n no, that's not—"
"It is. You are young and fallible. Scared and rightfully so. Jin often accuses me of being a bad teacher. I see now he is right now."
Izuku kneels, bringing his head to the sand. "I'm sorry. You're the best teacher I could ask for," he says and waits.
-TDB-
Toshinori Yagi has seen much in his life, short as it might wind up being. He's fought villains and reformed vigilantes. He watched his mentor fall in battle and has worried that he will never find a successor worthy of this mantle. Yes, Mirio Togata had all the makings of a great hero and his innate impermeability quirk would truly have made One for All invincible.
But this quiet boy prostate on the ground in forgiveness has something no one else possesses. Izuku Midoriya, who mumbled too much and questioned everything, who read the philosophies of many great heroes and who tried so hard to be worthy of Toshinori, is worthy for one aspect above all. It isn't his kindness for many had that, nor is it his determination and hard work as Mirio outstripped Izuku in that regard, or even the bond they once shared by both being quirkless. No, what Yagi sees in Izuku is such unbridled optimism in humanity that even now he is stunned by it.
And now, to know that the boy he was training, has another quirk. One that brought him back from the dead, and that breaks Yagi's heart because it meant that somewhere, somehow, he had faltered, and only by grace does he still have a successor. The gut-wrenching fear of seeing the boy make a shadow blade and nearly plunge it in his jugular vein has yet to fade, and only the steel nerves of facing death multiple times stop him from shaking. It is either madness or complete surety, and nothing Izuku had done made him think the boy could be mad—yes, some days his eyes were blank and terrified and pleading for help but a kind word from Yagi, or Jin Mo-Ri, always seemed to banish that darkness, and on days where Yagi wondered if his efforts truly made a difference, Izuku was there with a smile that seemed to burn as the sun.
Toshinori believes the boy when he says he has a quirk that defied logic because he has come to trust Izuku, come to accept him as a confidant with each time he sees Izuku check the perimeter before he changes forms. One day, once Izuku is ready and his self-esteem is much greater, Yagi will tell him everything from Nana to All For One but he is not ready to place such a burden on the boy. He hopes that he can face the great enemy before Izuku must, and he will gladly fall in battle to ensure it if it comes to that, but if Izuku will be the one to face him then Yagi will see him ready.
And knowing that he can never truly die, that every subsequent holder of One For All will wield the same power, alleviates many of his worries. This will not be the first time another power has been added to; Nana's quirk added a measure of durability, and the third-wielder added the enhanced perception that allows Yagi to see his blows even when they move faster than sound.
This boy who so feared Yagi's disdain, and perhaps Izuku fears his indifference more, may very well be the greatest holder of One For All simply because he can never fall in battle. And if he can win against age, then there will always be a symbol of peace protecting the world.
With this power, the power to turn back the ultimate expression of human frailness, to wield shadows as a tool, Izuku might very well become one of the great heroes of history, and eclipse the likes of Hero and Hawkmoon whose shoes Yagi struggles to fill every day, and whose triumphs still shake the world.
Yagi kneels and lays hands on the shoulders of his successor. Forces the boy to meet his eyes. Grins at him.
"Rise, Young Midoriya," he says and helps Izuku up even as the boy cries, "and hold your head up high. A hero must always be a shining light in the dark and you, my boy, shine brighter than any other. So, clench your buttocks and feel the determination in your chest, and scream with all your might."
Izuku wipes his eyes dry, sniffling. "You mean…"
Yagi nods and lets All For One fill his body. "I could have no greater successor, Izuku Midoriya. Laugh for you are here and take my power and become a hero greater than any other."
A shaky chuckle escapes the boy's lips. It isn't much compared to All Might but it is enough. "How?" he asks.
All Might plucks a strand of golden hair. "Eat this."
Izuku's expression shatters. "What!?"
-TDB-
He stares at All Might, shaken and feeling whiplash from all the emotions. He holds a single strand of golden hair as though it holds all the answers in the world.
"Huh?" he asks because this isn't meant to happen in the real world.
All Might almost flushes and scratches the back of his head. "It doesn't matter what it is so long as you take in my DNA."
Izuku blinks at the man. Decides he's eaten things much worse in the darkness. Takes the hair. "Okay," he says and swallows it.
"Good. It will take a few hours, but you should have just enough time before the exam. But your quirk needs a name." Izuku frowns. "To keep All For One a secret, I originally had it called 'Super Power'."
He tilts his head. Then laughs at the absurdity of it. "That is a horrible name."
"You think of something better?"
"I-I don't have to."
All Might sighs. "But it still needs a new name. Something you can own and say proudly."
He frowns, never having given it any thought. He's not calling it 'the abyss' because he has no intention of letting anyone know about that and anything relating to resurrection is a no go.
You are the Shadowshield, the voice whispers.
He blanks out for a second, static filling his mind. It vanishes, and he sees All Might grinning.
"Yes, that is a heroic name." All Might nods. "Shadowshield. I believe it suits you."
That is the last thing All Might says before leaving.
What did you do? He asks the voice. It doesn't respond. Izuku sighs, looking at his watch. He has ninety minutes before he needs to leave for the train station. Not much time. At least, not in the real world.
It has become easier to navigate the Abyss. Something about his strength with shadows lets him set a reality that won't tear his mind asunder. It has the benefit of distances becoming much shorter. He has seen entire worlds pass in the background during a short stroll. But there are places that are stable often. The beached whales, despite his general distaste—and he's come to learn that he pities their history more than anything—of them have carved a bubble that lets them continue their half-life. The eye larger than continents is always there. But the safest place he's come to trust is the forest of floating trees.
Their threadlike guardians watch him, occasionally some speak to him, but they are generally content to ignore his presence. Even when he is in the grove of ancient trees, so long as he doesn't approach the godflame. He sits in kiza position, not and never seiza because Jin had shown him just how slow it was to get into a ready position from that. It had taken Izuku a few weeks to resting all his weight on the balls of his feet, but he can do it comfortably now.
The trees observe him momentarily before returning to their eternal vigil. He exhales deeply, unaware of how nervous he was. Then focuses on his body. One For All is somewhere in his body and here, where a large portion of his innate quirk is expressed outwardly, it should be easier to feel a foreign power.
Falling in a meditative trance is difficult as he can rarely do it in the real since it gave the nightmares hiding in the back of his mind a gateway to the forefront but doing so in the abyss gave them nowhere of interest to go. And the one time a parasite that followed him from a dying world sought to escape and use him as a conduit to his world, the tree guardians had torn it apart.
The hour's pass.
Izuku feels something like lightning slowly permeate his body. He lets it progress from his stomach and to his bloodstream, touching his muscles and lungs and bones. It tingles when it reaches his spine and seems to take forever at the base before it travels up his brain stem. Finally, it stops at his eyes.
Izuku opens them and finds his body glowing with power. Not much, but enough that he lets it go peacefully. His eyes snap to the sky as a streak of green lightning illuminates the world.
"What?" he asks as the world falls dark again.
He looks to the trees. Finds them deep in conversation. And yet, not even one cares for him. Or the lightning. He shrugs. It might just be a normal thing then.
-TDB-
From the kingdom does the tribute and bounty flow to the monarch. That is the order. The weak will serve the strong. This law is primordial and immutable. All follow it, from the worm gods of the Fundament and the spires singing of the final dawn at the beginning of time to the slave king in hiding.
And yet, you subvert this law. You allow your power to become one with the dark below. What now will the future long past hold from your actions? Regardless, do as you please, young king. It is by your sacrifice that we live and by the tribute of your kingdom that you will outlive all. All actions are possible for you if only once.
The abyss is your home, Izuku Midoriya. We have waited for eons in ignorance for you. We can wait years yet.
-TDB-
He boards the train, headphones cranked to full to drown out the sounds of everything screaming in his mind. It only gives him a worse headache. Thankfully, he has come to learn how to function with them. Even if this one feels worse than usual. It might have something to do with how the shadows he feels become more acute or blurrier with neither rhyme nor reason. Or how he can feel much further or suddenly a few feet away or nothing at all.
The bright sunlight makes it worse. It might not be noon but when he can feel shadows they are weakened in the light. So, he doesn't sense him before he speaks.
"Deku," Kaachan shouts though that says little about his mood, and Izuku turns nervously. "Stay the fuck out of my way."
Deku steps back, waving his hands erratically. "M-morning—"
"Shut the fuck up," Kaachan snarls and reaches into his pocket. He throws something that Deku barely manages to catch. "And stop looking like a stupid fuck."
Kaachan walks past him before he recovers. He stares bewildered at the pocket tissues now in his hand until a drop of blood lands on it. He frowns and takes a tissue out, placing it on his bleeding nose. He tilts his head back and watches Kaachan stalk away.
Why is he being so nice? He wonders because Kaachan's hardly so much as laid eyes on him for the last few months.
A secret, the voice says, almost tiredly. And I won't tell you because you'll just lock me up again with the fire.
"Then stop being a nuisance," he says and turns.
He stumbles over his own foot. Izuku curses and uses his rotational momentum to pirouette tightly on the spot, extending one leg and catching himself in a crouch. He winces, his ankle twinging painfully.
"Hey, are you okay?" a bright voice asks. "That was really cool the way you caught yourself."
Izuku turns, thankful for his training with Jin because at least he has enough balance to catch himself if he falls. The girl who said it is rather plain looking but for the brown hair Izuku swears is more orange than brown, and the kindest expression he's ever seen from another person.
"Um, okay?" he says, unsure of how to accept the compliment.
She smiles and Izuku wonders how there can be two suns in the real world. "It would have been bad luck to fall before the exam. Good luck."
She's off before Izuku can say anything else. He mumbles, "Good luck," lamely at her as she skips—no, she's just walking but Izuku didn't know steps could be happy—away.
He shakes his head, still confused. First Kaachan and now this girl.
I like her, the voice says. She looks tasty.
Izuku rolls his eyes. "And you say you don't like fire." And just like that, the voice is screaming in agony as Izuku walks up the stairs.
He checks for Shinsou. Frowns when he can't find him since they agreed to meet up. Then checks his phone. There's a series of messages and he can't help but smile.
[0903] Shinsou: Sorry, running late.
[0905] Shinsou: Sick cat puked on my uniform.
[0915] Shinsou: Missed my train. Gonna be late. Don't wait up on me.
Izuku sends off a quick picture of him smiling at the entrance before putting his phone away. It takes him a moment to adjust to the darkness and a moment longer to realise they're grouped by school: there's a boy with shockingly red hair talking with a horned girl with purple skin, and the two seem to be laughing with the ease of old friends.
Kaachan doesn't look at Izuku, doesn't speak except when he's mumbling loud enough that it becomes a distraction. It is nowhere near as embarrassing as an immaculate boy chews him out and everyone stares at him. He sinks deeper into his seat as the spotlight lands on him.
"Fucking side characters," Kaachan growls loud enough that the people around him turn away.
Deku glances at him as Present Mic resumes with his explanation. His once friend's—I remember what he did—eyes smoulder. Deku looks away quickly and focuses on the various robot silhouettes on the screen.
He still has them on his mind when they're assembled before a massive door. And Izuku's coming to realise that UA has a flair for the dramatic even if it is tempered with modernity and pragmatism unlike the excesses of the past.
He dabs at the blood leaking from his nose as his headache gets worse. The brightness and the way his erratic senses play havoc with his concentration mean that he misses it when the exam starts and must play catch-up. Sometimes shadows appear in his senses and it costs him precious seconds each time to turn and find that no, that's just the seventh building he's been distracted by.
And when he does find a robot he is too slow to even get ready before someone else destroys it. His hands shake as time runs out and he doesn't have a single point to his name. His frustration gets bad enough that he smiles at a blonde boy who fires lasers and from the way the boy flees Izuku probably let a bit of the madness shine through for a moment.
Izuku wants to run and hide. He's become good at it over the last few months. He's seen nightmares and monster and creatures a step away from being a god. And none of them compares to the shame of not being able to do anything.
His quirk, his real quirk, is useless here even if it wasn't fighting him. It will take too long to draw a tendril of shadow in the best case and even then, it will very likely be too weak to pierce the robots. So, he runs even as the others rained down destruction; ice and lightning and explosions filling the world.
The world seems to rock and shake. A shadow of gargantuan proportions covers the street and the surrounding building before it appears. It towers over the buildings, menacing and utterly overwhelming. Those other robots that he had sought to flee from are nothing compared to this god of steel.
He stumbles and falls face first, frozen in shock. Not because this is the largest creature he's ever seen but because it's the first time he's seen something of such absolute physicality that doesn't break his mind. Others run by him, shaking Izuku out of his reverie. He rises to his feet, ready to run when he hears someone grunt in pain.
He looks to the side and sees a girl trapped beneath the rubble. His mind freezes. He can't pull her out. He doesn't have the strength to do so and the metal deity is approaching, ponderously slow. He knows that he lacks the strength to fight it. Even the others who fought so easily are fleeing. What can Izuku do in the face of a behemoth?
But he can't leave her.
Izuku curses and stands. She meets his eyes and Izuku simply grins at her, brilliant and undoubtedly bloody from his nose.
"Hey, again," he says, walking towards this machine god. He stares at its descending arm, inevitable as a landslide. It could kill easily and cause so much destruction. And yet, Izuku finds it wanting.
Pathetic, the voice in his head says and Izuku agrees for once.
-TDB-
Uraraka stares at the robot in horror and struggles to fight free of the rock trapping her leg. She hates this, hates being weak when she was doing well. Twenty-eight points probably weren't anywhere near as much as the guy leaving a good chunk of the exam area frozen, but it could have been enough.
And now she's trapped and helpless. She gasps when she twists something wrong, unshed tears burning her eyes. She raises her head and sees someone. It's the boy with the streak of white hair, the boy who stopped himself falling with grace, the boy whom she hadn't seen fight a single robot. He's on the ground, looking as terrified as she felt.
And then he changes. It's not a mutation or a quirk at all, but something about him completely shifts. He stands, all the fear gone and bares his teeth in what might generously be called a smile—it's too sharp and haunting and vicious and bloody. And yet, it calms her.
"Hey, again," he says to her calmly. His fingers splay out and clench over and over again as he walks, no, as he stalks towards the zero-pointer. The awkward boy she remembers nearly tripping now has the gait of a predator hunting prey at night.
He looks up to it and sighs, disgusted. She wonders how he can have so much contempt for something even the tyrant Titan would have praised.
For a fraction of a second that seems to stretch forever, green sparks dance across his body, his body glowing and his shadow darkening. And then he moves. She can barely track his trajectory as he leaps from the ground and rises above the robot. He twists in the air and brings his leg down.
Uraraka might not be well versed in combat techniques but she recognises an axe kick when she sees it. She watches, amazed, as the force of his blow destroys the robot's head as though it were nothing more than an irritant.
"Huh," she says, dumbly. Because anyone with a quirk that strong should have been leading the pack.
Explosions wrack the robot, chunks of its armour crumbling and some sent flying away. She looks on in horror as a piece of metal strikes the boy head on. His body goes limp in the air, and the power that seemed to surround him disappears.
He's far from her, knocked off course by that piece of metal. She grimaces, knowing what she has to do and hating it all the while. But she knows that the pain in the moment will be nothing compared to the pain of regret if she does nothing.
She moves quickly for she has little time. She taps the rubble, lightening it almost to nothing and shoves with all her strength. It goes flying and hits a building. She doesn't care that the building groans ponderously or that it creaks threateningly. Instead, Ochaco uses her power internally.
Nausea comes immediately but she shoves it to the side. She wants to be a hero and not being able to save the boy—especially when she has the power to do so—would, in her opinion, make her just shy of a villain.
Her leg hurts, and something might be broken. Ochaco ignores it, crouches, and with one deep breath, she launches herself in the air. Nausea makes the world spins but despite, Ochaco sees she'll overshoot the boy. Fine. She cancels her power and gravity once again takes hold of her.
She reaches out and grabs the boy's arm, lightening him with hardly a thought. It takes all she has to focus on their fall. She uses her other arm and wraps both arms around him, twisting so that it is her back that will hit the ground first if she fucks up.
Her breathing comes quick and short as the ground comes closer and closer. At the last moment, she applies her quirk on herself. Instantly her momentum is arrested. Nausea comes back with a vengeance. Gently, she shoves the boy to one side and leans to the other. She doesn't fight it this time as her stomach rebels. She's only thankful she manages to aim the vomit away from her body.
"Times up!" Present Mic screams.
Ochaco sighs and looks to the unconscious boy. He legs are bent at odd angles. She winces, amazed that he remained awake through that and only an errant piece of metal took him out. For someone with such a strong quirk, she wonders how he could have been so skittish and afraid for all that the fear disappeared for a second.
And she feels pity that no matter his strength, he hadn't won any points.
"No," she whispers because no one that brave deserved to be denied entrance to UA.
So, when the short old lady that heals the boy, and insults him for being so reckless, gives Ochaco the all clear she runs to Present Mic. It doesn't matter that the man might not be dispensing points. She's not going to let the boy fail. No matter the cost.
She argues herself hoarse with Present Mic, and then the principal—who almost terrifies her to silence until she remembers that bloody grin—who concedes defeat and calls All Might. The presence of the greatest hero of her time quells the fire and passion she has.
"I am here," All Might says. "Young Uraraka I take it. I understand and sympathise with your conviction, but I give you my word that UA considers all factors when evaluating a student. This is a campus for heroics and heroic actions are not ignored."
That is enough for her.
-TDB-
Izuku sits in the lounge three days after the entrance exam, listless in a way he hasn't felt in a long time. Even the voices in his head are silent. Nothing seems to matter now that he's failed. He can't contact All Might and Jin Mo-Ri seems to have vanished into the ether though he did send a curt 'Busy' this morning as a reply.
He reaches for the barbell on the floor.
"No more," his mother says a moment before the barbell flies away. He looks back and sees the barbell land on the floor next to his mother.
"You are not going to waste away," she says sternly.
Izuku sighs. "Kaa-san, I failed. It's over."
"You think a single arbitrary exam is the end of your life? It happened. Get over it."
"I can't," he shouts and wipes away the tears.
She looks unimpressed. "Izuku, I've seen you break enough times over the last few months and helped you pick up the pieces. You've had a setback and it hurts, believe me I know. But are you telling me you can't do any good if you don't go to that school?"
He sniffles. "It was my dream."
She smiles gently. "Your dream was to be a hero. UA was just one path. It isn't the only one."
He offers her a shaky smile, but it comes out more of a grimace. "It still hurts."
"I never said it shouldn't. And it will hurt for a long time. Didn't Ando say, 'so long as you have the will any place can be paradise.'"
He stares at her. Then laughs. "Hawkmoon said that. But you're right." He stands and walks to her, hugging her tightly. He lets go and nods at the barbell. "When did you get so strong?"
"When you needed me to be strong." She pats his head. "You're my son."
And she does look strong. Enough of the fat is gone that she looks younger. There's a strength to her that isn't simply physical and Izuku wonders if its something all mothers share. She ruffles his hair and plucks out a white strand.
"You lived through that. You can live through this."
It isn't easy, but he does move on even if he only takes one step forward. He leaves the safety of his home and delves into the abyss, searching for secrets—no matter how far and wide he searches, he can find no indication of the flame's heart—and more often running away from the creatures there. He doesn't use One For All, too afraid of leaving his limbs twisted in this place. But even that seems like running, so he calls Shinsou and they meet at the café.
The boy looks tired and just as uncertain as Izuku.
"H-hey," Izuku greets. "Haven't seen you in a while."
Shinsou sips his coffee. "Well, I needed time to think about… everything, I guess."
Izuku nods. "I'm pretty sure I failed. I couldn't get any points."
"Me too," Shinsou says bitterly. "Punching giant robots isn't all there is to being a hero."
"No, it isn't. I guess it's not fair to people with quirks suited to rescue operations. Or even support roles." He strokes a cat that isn't Mika. It helps steel him to ask, finally, "What is your quirk?"
Shinsou frowns. He takes a deep breath and sighs. "You might as well know. It's called Brainwash. I can take control of people if they respond to me."
Izuku raises a brow. "That sounds like a super useful quirk," he admits.
"What?" Shinsou asks, voice wavering.
"Yeah. You could probably deal with a lot of hostage situations like that." He looks out the window. "A few months ago, there was this… sludge villain and he was really hard to fight. Kamui Woods and Mt. Lady were useless, and my friend nearly died. I think you could have dealt with that better even than All Might."
Shinsou stays silent and Izuku watches cars drive past the window. He hears a sniffle and turns to see Shinsou crying.
"Whoa, what did I say?" he asks quickly. "I'm sorry-I didn't mean to-I-I don't even know—"
Shinsou raises a hand and wipes the tears from his face. He smiles for the first time since Izuku met him. "Thank you. Just thank you."
Izuku smiles uncertainly. "I'm confused."
"That's because you're an idiot." There's no malice in his voice. And even then, Shinsou is looking at him like Izuku hung the moon and stars for the boy.
It leaves him off balance long after they part. The warmth in his chest is odd but not unpleasant. It follows him and brightens with each message Shinsou sends. When he's stuck in a patch of frozen time, the memory of that smile makes it easier for Izuku to power through that predicament. The trees don't understand why his mood has changed so much and they ask if he needs healing—though the word is more like reverse entropy—which makes him grin all the more.
He's almost at peace with his failure when the letter from UA comes. He opens it with his mother. She holds him tight as All Might explains the rescue points and shows him the video of the girl arguing so strongly for him. He cries as he sees all sixty-five points.
The points are enough to take him all the way to fifth place. And the girl, Uraraka, has her name in second.
He jumps and pumps his fist in the air. And laughs when his mother catches him with her quirk before he can bash his head against the floor. Izuku smiles long into the night. When Shinsou messages him that he passed, Izuku worries that his grin will break his face.
He sleeps undisturbed for the first time in a long while.
A/N:
That's all from me for now. Thank you for reading this. If you enjoyed the story leave a favourite and if you have any questions just drop a review. But know all of that is unnecessary, and as always your readership is quite enough for me. Cheers.